I don't understand why i can't rejoice in losing 70lbs, I feel like i will never reach my goal of a 215 before november. i got 35lbs more to lose. but for the past 2months i have been up and down, and along with that my emotions have been doing the same. at times i feel like i am a champion and others a failure........
I have been charting everything that I eat on my post-op diet and I have found today looking back on a couple of days that I have beene SO focous on protein and increasing my calories that i have failed to pay attention to carbs. Today ii have consumed 817 calories 60g protein and *****115CARBS****. I am never going to lose weight with eating that many carbs. I am still on the liquid post-op diet. PLEASE HELP!!!! is this normal ,am i eating to much.
I have never been offered SO much YUMMY food in my whole life like i was day . First papa Johns pizza, then fresh and hot chocolate chip cookies and hot cocoa then my favorite candy.but I can proudly say I turned it ALL down.
Today was horrible!!!!!!!! when i got home from work i was not hungry so i went straight to bed and when i work up around 3pm, my stomach was a little upset. My husband called and asked my to grill some chicken for dinner. I grilled the chicken and made some veggies. I only ate half of what i was allotted and i made my self a really nice dinner/lunch for work tonight. I get to work and i realized i forgot my lunch. I was sooooo upset because now i would be forced to eat at our cafeteria, and of course the would have all my favorite food tonight. While i was looking around for the MOST healtiest and that is within my diet. i really had to fight that old me. it was crazy i really felt like i had a little devil and angel on my shoulders. BUT I won.........i got a salad with F.F. Italian. As i was eating i truely wanted to cry. some tears of victory and some tear because i am realizing that food really can control your life.
Well here is the truth!! I am 28y/o female that weighs 304Ibs. I have a wonderful husband, and sadly no kids yet! I have struggled with my weight all my life. I was even called by some a gordita but always with affection and the crazy thing is I embraced it. I was always the one who was told " you are so beautiful and just think if you could lose a little more weight how much more beautiful you would be". Well years past and a few years ago I became an LPN and my husband supported my decision to continue in school to become a RN. All through my marriage of almost 5years I was in school. So 2010 was a year of completion for me. I started working at a wonderful hospital, and fortunately for me I found out that they had a weight management center that offered bariatric surgery to employees that carried hospital insurance. (They have a deal worked out with Humana). I contacted the weight loss center and attended a band seminar October 2010 only a few months after I statred working there and the rest is history. The month of January as flown bye with EKG, EGD, Psy consult, medical consult, surgical consult. And my last month of three months of required supervised weight loss with a total loss of 9pounds. As of today I have realized that I am scared that I won't be able to eat some of the foods I enjoy now, so I find myself eating every thing right now only weeks before getting banded. I start the 17th on my liver reduction diet. So I only have the next few days to eat what I want. In a way I feel really bad about this attitude that towards food that I have been having lately. And exercise!!! What’s that? That is another thing that I have been sucking at also. It is freezing outside and I have no gym membership because I have been saving for my personal trainer that I am hiring for after the band. I feel like I am putting aot of faith into other things like the PT and the "band" instead of myself. A few days ago I went to my GYN doc because I was have abnormal bleeding issues and she said after viewing my ultrasound that my female parts look great and the abnormal bleeding is caused by this increased weight and that when I am ready to have babies again when I am down to a healthy size (that’s a whole different blog) she see no problem in me getting pregnant. I guess I really feel like this whole bariatric surgery has just been handed to me and I am not doing "my part" pre-banded. I guess I now understand when people say its the fear of the unknown that causes the most fear. I have no idea what i am to be feeling right now!!!
I feel like I have to eat everything I can possible think of tonight. As I read other peoples pre-op diet blogs all I can think is that "I CAN DO THIS, I AM PREPARED, IT'S ONLY FOR 2WEEKS". I will update daily hopefully ALWAYS to encourage but most of all the to vent my feeling
Today i finished up my grocery list, clean the refridge. out and made my own shelf. So far its not that bad i had a shake this morning, fat free cottage cheese with tomatos for lunch and tonight for dinner we are eating taco salad( lettuce, low fat cheese, tomatos, fat free sour cream and lean Steak) minus the tortillas. oh yea and salsa for dressing. Its is still prettly cold so i will probably work out to my Biggest loser -cardio max DVD.
Today went really well. I even have the time and energy to get a work out in. I felt great. After my husband and i got back from church tonight i was starving...ok maybe not starving but yes indeed very hungry. So i ate 1/2 cup of Fiber One cereal and a 1/2 of F.F. milk it was great. p.s I am looking for to breakfast.
Well really all i can say is that.............I HAVE LOST 17Ibs!!! I can't believe it myself, what i do know 4sure is that my DVD cardio max is awesome and it is working along with eating my alloted food. I only have 7 more days till i am banded.
