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I can't even think of a good title for this post!

So where to flippin begin since I posted last. My grandma (who raised me and is more like my mother) passed away Feb. 14th. It still does not seem real. I have cried and cried and now I feel guilty because I can't cry anymore. My diet went in the toilet for the last couple of weeks. Dealing with her being in the hospital and never leaving her side the whole time she was sick. She went to the hospital by ambulance on Thurs. We recieved a terminal diagnosis on Fri. They did dialysis for two days to make her more comfortable. She came home on hospice on Sunday then passed away Monday morning. I trie dmy hardest to be strong for her and I never actually broke down. I think I really should at some point but just can't. However I have lost 35 pounds and I haven't been in for a fill yet. Its been about 6 weeks almost 7 weeks now. I don't really have much else to say. I am going to try to get back on counting my calories and writing down my food again tomorrow. I am also getting a memorai tattoo sometime this week for my grandmother. Not much else to say right now so I will post later.
nurse_b11

nurse_b11

3
 

Well........

Alrighty then its been 13 days since my surgery and not much has changed. I am still a lil sore around my port site but I am feeling great. I have lost 10.5 pounds since surgery and a total of 26.5 pounds all together. My pants already fit more loosely, lol. I am trying to not become a compulsive weigher and weigh myself all the time. But its kinda hard not to, lol. Im picking up my cross stitching again and keeping busy with homework (trying to stay ahead of the class) to keep my mind off of food and weighing. I had a good night at work Sunday. Fri and Sat were hell nights lol. I got my homework done for Psych and my book for Ethics FINALLY came in the mail yesterday. So I kinda started reading that last night but by the time I got home it was like midnight. And I had to get up early to come into town for class this morning. So Im gonna try to read some more. I am already 3 chapters behind because of the stupid bookstore. Ugh. Im so tired of college. My husband got his first check from his new job yesterday and he is sooooo proud of it. I dont blame him its much more than he's ever made for that amount of hours. I have made a wish list of things that I NEED to help me on my WL journey : Ipod touch (to listen to when I walk/ workout) and a WII (to workout with when I cant get to the gym). so far thats all I got, lol. I am so excited. I can't wait to go shopping for smaller sizes. Although I do believe that I will be shopping at the Salvation Army and consignment stores until I reach my goal weight, lol. Well I better go read some more. More to come Im sure.    
nurse_b11

nurse_b11

1
 

Welcome Home

What a night! My first night back on the job and I lilterally walked into a mad house. OMG! 6 months and I never ever had a night like last night. It kinda made the time go by a lil faster but then I also felt so behind the rest of the night. But other than my diet changing on Wed to pureed foods, nothing new to report on that. I am walking like I am supposed to and I am following the diet like I am supposed to. I am trying not to become obsessive about weighing on a daily basis. Thats a bad idea for me, as I get discouraged pretty quickly. So I will weigh again next Wed and see if I have lost anymore. I am calling my doc's nurse on Monday and asking her a few more questions. Like just making sure its okay for me to advance my diet. And when I need to come in for a fill. At my last appt with him he put on the paper that I use to check out of the office that I am to come back as needed. Well how do I know when I need my first fill? Oiy doctors can be so vague sometimes. I also work with the doctor that did my surgery so I see him pretty much every weekend I work. Joy. Although he disses the unit I work on like crazy. I don't get that at all. Men are so confusing. Yesterday my husband ate McDonalds in front of me. He felt bad but he was hungry and I don't blame him, I mean the stuff is fast and cheap. I had a yogurt. I don't crave the food. I have such a rebelious personality that I only want it because I can't have it. Am I going to ruin all the hard work I have put into this diet for a double cheeseburger? H-E-L-L NO! But anyway better get back to work, lol
nurse_b11

nurse_b11

3
 

Intro

I will just introduce myself. My name is Chandra and I am from Texas. I am 22 years old and I graduated LVN school in May of 2010. I have been working at my first nursing job since July 2010. I love my job. This is definitely what I was put on the earth to do. I am going back to school for my RN. I have 4 more pre-reqs to get. I am registered for Psych and Ethics which start on Jan 18th. I have been overweight my whole life. When I was 18 I was diagnosed with PCOS and told I would never have children. That led to a depression which led to even more weight gain ontop of what I had already gained. (which was the reason I went to the doc in the first place) I began thinking of the lap band in 2008 when I had my gallbladder removed and my surgeon said that I really really needed to lose weight if I was going to consider children. Well I have a very difficult time losing the weight due to the PCOS. I began the approval proccess once before in mid 2009. Then I lost my insurance and my job. So that put a halt to that. Well now I have a better job and good insurance. I started my proccess back in October 2010. I saw my surgeon and the nutritionist. Then I had my psych eval. Had a couple more appts with the nutritionist and a few days before Christmas I got a phone call saying that my insurance approved me. After the holidays on Tues the 4th I saw my surgeon again. I scheduled my EGD (required by my surgeon) and my surgery. I signed all my consents and then started my liquid diet the next day. So far I am on Day # 4 of the one week liquid diet. My EGD is scheduled for Mon the 10th and my surgery is on Wed the 12th. I am soooo nervous and excited at the same time. I am ready for my life to change. I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years. He is very supportive and excited for me as well. I will be staying at the hospital that I work at, lol. I just moved as well. So everything kinda happened all at once, lol. Moved on the 7th EGD on the 10th Surgery on the 12th School starts on the 18th *SIGH* So the liquid diet thing really isnt that bad. Im drinking my protein drinks and Im really not that hungry. I just like crunchy things and so just the crunch and chewing is what I miss, lol. The sugar detox was awful. I had a constant headache for the first 2 days. Now I am much better and I havent cheated at all! YAY! I even resisted pizza when my co-workers ordered it Fri night. Well I guess I will just update as the week goes on. I hope to hear some feedback from people. I am really anxious to hear other people's success stories. I know that I have a lot to look forward to and its awesome that such online support exists.
nurse_b11

nurse_b11

4
 

Tomorrow is the big day

OMG! Tomorrow is the day. I am nervous, excited, scared and soooooo ready for it to just be over with, lol. I'm ready to eat real food again, no matter how small the portion, lol. I'm not really hungry with the liquid diet just need something to chew, lol. Gum just doesn't do it for me. I have to be at the hospital at 8am and I think I am scheduled for about noon. I can't wait. I have already lost 12 pounds just being on the pre-op liquid diet although that was on Sunday, not sure what it is now, lol. I will post when I get a chance to tomorrow.
nurse_b11

nurse_b11

2
 

Day 4 post-op

Okay so Im day 4 post-op and Im a lil scared and nervous. I am drinking my protein drinks ( I bought that big tub of powdered protein from Wal-mart) 4oz twice a day. I am drinking water but since I havent been hungry since my surgery on the 12th I am uncertain about when I should eat......well drink. Tonight for dinner I had liquified chili, lol. Sounds gross but was actually very good. I also had a cinnamon roll flavored yogurt, Yum!!!!! I went to a restraunt tonight with my DH and BFF and watched them eat some awesome food, lol. The place didnt have any soups or anything so I just sat there drinking my water. I am still a lil sore but Im walking and doing everything the doc told me to but Im worred about eating in a few weeks. Does everyone get back to eating normally, just smaller portions? What is an example of someone's diet or day? I am worried that I am not doing something or that I am doing something wrong. I have my post op appt on Tues but I think that I am gonna have to change it because my classes start on the same day. I know that I should have some questions to ask him but I am lost. I don't have any to ask him. I weighed myself today and I lost 3 of the 5 pounds I gained with the stupid air they put inside me for the surgery. So other than that I am just ready to eat normal food again. I need to chew something, lol. And gum just doesnt cut it for me. Oh well if anyone else has any post op stories to share with me I would greatly appreciate it. Im gonna go for now and get ready for bed.
nurse_b11

nurse_b11

2
 

ONE WEEK!

Wow, I can't believe its been one week already. I feel pretty good. Im a lil sore still around my port site but doing very well. I started my college classes on Tuesday and wasnt very comfortable sitting in those stupid desks, lol. I am taking Ethics and Psych. Its gonna be crazy. I go back to work on Friday night and Im a lil nervous about that. I am nervous about how I am going to react and how Im going to adjust to eating that first night back. I guess I will need to take a nap, lol. I also have my post op appt with my surgeon on Friday. I will let ya'll know how it goes. I will also prolly post a blog when I am at work on Friday night, if Im not too busy, lol. Ohhhhh I weighed myself today and I have lost 5.5 poounds since surgery (not including the 4 pounds of air they put inside me for the surgery, lol). I have been doing good with my protein drinks and walking. Yesterday I went to the mall after I had lunch and walked around for an hour. I felt good. A lil tired when I went to my next class but still felt pretty good. I am only taking the pain medicine now when it really hurts, which isnt very often now. So I think I am doing pretty well. lol Well Im gonna go walk to my mailbox (which is pretty far, lol) to get my exercise for the day.    
nurse_b11

nurse_b11

3
 

BFE!

I moved. I am pretty sure I mentioned that before. I live in BFE now, lol. And our internet service sucks. It takes 15 min to load one page if it even loads at all. We are looking into the new satelite interenet but its kinda pricey. I havent lost anymore weight since I posted last. I kinda got off track. But I am working on getting back on track and have been counting my calories again. School is going okay. I am just ready to be done with it. It still seems so far away. I am trying to keep my mind occupied because if I dont then I start thinking about my grandma. Which I think is a bad thing because I am putting off dealing with the death. I know that it happened but it still doesnt seem real. Its been almost a month now. I have almost called her to talk to her I dont know how many times. *sigh* Its tough but I am moving on like she would want me to. This one will be short today because I have a test in an hour and I need to go review with a friend before the class. Thanks for all of the support from the people who read my blogs.
nurse_b11

nurse_b11

0
 

Maybe..........

Okay so this is getting really annoying. I have posted 3 blogs that have disappeared. =( Anyway, I have had a rough last couple of weeks. My grandmother is really ill and was in the hospital for a few days. Her liver is screwin up big time. I have gotten her into a different doctor because the one she was seeing is a quack and shouldn’t have a license. I am the only one close that can take care of her. And I’m pretty sure she is ready to give up. But I don’t want her to yet. She has to see my babies, if that ever happens, and see me finish RN school. DH was also sick. He has chemical pneumonitis and Reactive Airway Disease. He couldn’t breathe and went to the ER. They wanted to admit him but he refused and took an AMA. So they gave him breathing treatments, that we couldn’t afford, and steroids. So other than that drama. I have lost a couple more pounds. I talked to my doc, who was on my floor seeing another patient, and he said that 1 pound a week is plenty of weight loss. So that made me think about how much weight I have been losing. I started counting my calories on a website and I am sooooo not taking in enough calories. We are supposed to take in like 1200-1800 right? I am not even sure but its hard to reach that with how little I am able to eat. I know that my diet says that I am supposed to eat 3 times a day and nothing in between meals but that’s just not possible. I am eating very small snacks every couple of hours. That has helped me up my calorie intake quite a bit. I am down 2 more pounds which I am very happy with. In a couple more weeks I can go in for a fill if I need one. I think I am doing pretty well without one, lol. But anyway I have to go to class now. Its not for another hour and a half but the roads are icy and people don’t know how to drive and parking is DREADFUL at my school.
nurse_b11

nurse_b11

0
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