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About this blog

:thumbup:My journey with the band - On my way to the 2nd part of my life!

Entries in this blog

 

It's time to quit breaking my promises!

I Keep telling myself, okay, today I'm going to be back on track! Then, I do good, then fall off the wagon.   I weighed this morning and I am up to 185 lbs! I weighed at one time 167! I am so disgusted with myself. I feel like the biggest PIG! I keep waiting on that "restriction" and it isn't happening. I get some, then lose it, or I get too tight. I'm so mad at myself that I screwed up, I used to have pretty good restriction at 3.8, but then tried to get tighter, and well, now I'm still trying to get that restriciton back! Sucks.   I am using it as an excuse to eat what I want, when I want etc. Well, it was a major wake up call. I feel bad to keep typing in my journal how - I'm going to start and how good I'm going to do, then I don't. I keep breaking promises to myself. I have to be true to myself so I've got to take control - for good.   It seems I do good for a week, then blow it for 2 weeks. Its a vicious cycle. The weight is creaping back on and I must stop it now! I must! I must!   I was in tears this morning, but I am not going to "feel sorry" for myself, or beat myself up anymore. I can't change the past, but I can change the future. No more sweets, no more sugar! No more!   Its time to pull my head out of the sand and quit doing the self destruction like I've done with every diet in the past. I am hoping to get my restriction back at my next fill - 4/7/08, but until then, I need to focus, really focus. I need to THINK before I eat, I need to plan my meals! I must exercise! I don't want to be a Band Failure, I want to be a success!   Okay - my life will change. I will report my weight everyday on here. Good or bad, I'm also going to report my menu - good or bad!   Wt 184.7   Exercise -   Menu Protein shake - chocolate Whey protein, with added coffee   Coffee with cream - no sugar   Lunch - Roasted chicken, few bites of green beans and some corn   Snack - 1/2 container of strawberry no sugar yogurt with a little grape nuts added in it.   Dinner - Roast, few carrots
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

Wednesday, May 30th

Still going strong on my BFL challenge and I haven't missed a exercise session yet!   Wt this morning - 183.8 - Scales are moving sooooo slow lately, no weight loss since the 18th. But I can tell I'm smaller. My 14's are getting big, so I will be in a 12 very soon!   I'm not too worried about the scales right now, I know eventually it will fall off.   I need a fill - badly. I went on Friday to get one, but there was a mix up and I didn't get it. Evidently, they are supposed to have a pre authorization from my insurance company, and the lady who scheduled my fill failed to do that. So, after waiting an hour, the doc came out and told me they are still waiting on insurance to get back with them. So I ended up leaving with no fill. Here it is Wednesday and I still have not got the approval. Nor has the doc office called me back, very irritating, I want my fill damn it!   I'm headed to Nashville on Friday, and I was hoping to have my fill before I leave (it will help me keep in control while there). But I don't think it is going to happen. Hopefully I can get it next week.   Exercise - on Monday, I did my LBWO again, those lunges really do hurt! I also added 45 min on the treadmill later that night.   Tuesday - I did my 20 min of HIIT - I was extremely tired and just managed to do what I was supposed to do, I didn't add anything extra.   Wednesday (today). I haven't exercised yet, but I will this afternoon, today is my UBWO. I plan on doing that and addid 30 to 45 min of treadmill in as well.   Well, I'm off to a company picnic and a baseball game today, they are having hot dogs and hamburgers - I guess I could eat the meat only? I wish they would have some grilled chicken or something. Oh well, I will make due.
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

Finally off of my clear liquids!

Yay - I finally get to move to mushy food! I'm so happy.   Yesterday my menu was the following:   Bfast - 1 poached egg, some grated cheese   Lunch - 1/2 cup of refried beans with cheese   Dinner - 1/2 cup malt o meal with a little splenda, and soy milk   Snack - 1/2 cup of refried beans.   I need to work on getting my water in, I need to work on getting my protein in.
tonya66

tonya66

2
 

Going for fill #6 today

I'm at 3.4cc's and still do not have the restriction I'm supposed to have. So, I'm headed for fill #6 today. I do have "some" restriction, but I need to be tighter. I'm hoping fill #6 will jump start my weightloss again.   In the past 2 months I haven't lost any weight, however, its my own fault. I haven't tried either.   Will update more in my journal later.
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

Day 4 of my 5 am workouts!

Today makes day 4 of getting up at 4:45, and heading to the gym. I'm happy but tired at the same time. :rolleyes2:   I did sneak in a weight this morning - NOT PLEASED. I would have thought I would be down at least a pound by now, NOT.   Weight - 171.3 - I was 171.9 on Monday! So I'm down .6 - I guess its not that bad, hopefully by Monday I will be down to 170 or 169. If not, I will get there! Just slooooow   I'm going to fair tonight, so that might hinder it a bit. :clap:
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

Sometimes I should just stay in bed!

Sometimes I should just stay in bed, like today. Have you ever had one of those days when you wake up mad? Today is my day! First of all, I wake up and I knew right away my leg was swollen by the way it felt, It hurt and was throbbing and I can't bend it. This means I'm having another relapse, which extends the time I will be on these darn crutches and leg brace....grrrrrr.   2nd, I weigh. Bad mistake, Tom is here, my leg is swollen and I ate fattening stuff this weekend. The scales said 177! OMG, how can that be? I didn't eat that much - but I had manacotti and mexican over the weekend. I must be holding a lot of water is all I can say.   I'm just so darn discouraged! I'm in a bad mood I guess. I think I need to go home and take a nap.
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

Countdown to Onederland - 10 lbs to go

209 this morning! I'm 4 weeks post op, and Im on my way to 199!!!!! Although I've been at 199 so many times before, I'm looking forward to being there again, and even more to breaking it! I can't wait to get under the 190's - this is something I'm never able to do.   I get down to the 190's, then gain back up to over 200, than back down to the 190's, back up to 200's.   This time, I know I will get there, so it is so exciting. What an incredible journey I'm on!   So here goes my countdown to 199! 10 lbs to go! I'm hoping to be there by March 17th - a little over a month away. I'm going to a big family wedding and will see lot of my family who haven't seen me in awhile, so thats my goal!   I start my solids today - i'm nervous, but anxious to get to eating the right way for the rest of my life.   My plan for today is:   bfast malt o meal, splenda, ff milk   lunch a few black beans 4 green grapes 1/2 cup of cottage cheese 1 or 2 slices of a boiled egg   Dinner salmon green beans
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

I love my silacone buddy

Okay, so I've been eating and binging the last week. I've avoided the scales because I just couldn't bare seeing them say 175lbs or 180 lbs.   Well this morning, I decided "Tonya, you have to face the music". I was dreading stepping on the scales, but I knew I needed to see the damage I've done so I can get back on track.   Well, I stepped on the scales, held my breath a little, and I was shocked. I knew the scales would say at least 175, but they didn't - they said 172.3! I couldn't believe I hadn't gained more. I love the band, I will NEVER EVER EVER be fat again! I just remember all the times pre-band that I binged, how many lbs I would gain off one binge - alot of times it was 10, 20, 30 lbs in a month - I swear it!   Even though I think I'm eating a lot, I still am not eating NEAR the amount of food I ate pre-band! And, I'm not even at a good restriction level.   Oh, stepping on the scales this morning made me feel so good and in control again. Thank you my dear silacone buddy!
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

4/14/08

I had a busy weekend, Saturday was the special olympics that I worked. I worked the softball throw and I was running all over the place keeping up with the special needs kids. I tell you, they may have limited mental abilities, or physical abilities, but they are stars in my eyes. They had so much energy! I was exhausted by the time the day was over!   Well, my fill is now again, loose! I just don't understand it. I'm very frustrated, but I will not give up. I just don't know why I'm so different.   DH & I went out for steak Friday night,I could have eaten more, but I stopped at about 2 to 3 oz of the steak. I also had turkey last night, and decided to "test" a roll, it was small yeast roll and it went down as smooth as ever, I didn't eat any more, but I know now the PB incident was just a fluke on the toast.   I am going to call the doctor and discuss it with him. I'm not going to let this be an excuse to "eat" and I'm still hoping at about 2 or 3 weeks the fill will really kick in. It has done that in the past, so I'm going to discuss it with the doc and see what he thinks.   Menu today:   Bfast eggs/ 1 sausage link   Lunch - salad   Dinner - roasted chicken and salad   Exercise - 15 min on treadmill - 107 calories .75 distance   Exercise PM - Lower body workout - really worked the abs & legs, then jumped on the elliptical for 10 more minutes of pure sweat!   Wt - 180.7 - grrrrrr - But TOM is here, has been since last Friday, so he will be leaving soon and I should start dropping again - at least I hope!
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

15 more days until banding

The countdown continues! Just 15 more days. Man, it is starting to sound close!   I begin my preop tomorrow. Not looking forward to it, but I will stick to it. I am following the program rules to a T! I am not screwing this up.   I was just talking to a friend at work, she is the ony one who knows about it at work. She had the gastric bypass by the same doc I am going to. She is actually the one who first told me about the band and recommended me to do that instead of the gastric bypass. Anyhow, I told her my fears, and my biggest fear is this will not work for me. She said that is a common fear, that we have all been on so many "failed" diets, its only natural to think that this might not work. She advised me to stay focussed, and follow the rules and see what happens. She assured me that this would work for me! So, I'm trying to stay positive.   I see so many on this forum that they state they have lost nothing. I've asked a few of them about their fills, or what are they eating, and are they exercising. So far, none of them have replied. So, I figure they are not following the rules. I'm not trying to pick on them, I just wanted to know, mainly for my sake. I want to know what NOT TO DO, I want to know the good, the bad, the ugly. I want to know it all. I know there will be times that I fall off the wagon, I'm expecting that. However, I am not going thru a major surgery just to fail. I am not just going to eat what I want. I know that changes must be made and I've already started making those changes. I find it so hard to believe that so many people have this surgery, then eat ice cream, pies, and wonder, "why haven't I lost weight"? I know that we should be able to have these special treats on ocasions, however, everyday? Please people, take care of your band, treat it right and then it will work for you. Okay, I'll get off my soap box before I affend someone. Sorry if I do, and maybe I'm completely wrong, after all, I'm no expert, I am not even with the band yet.   Maybe 6 months from now I might even be asking "why haven't I lost weight". So, time will tell.   Well, one of my New Years goals was to become a better employee, I seem to be slacking lately. Mainly because the Band has consumed my every waking thought. I'm on lapband talk 24/7. So I've made a commitment to be on it a limited amount of time. I know I could not go cold turkey. lol. So, I'm going to spend less time on the internet - and more time working. After all, they are paying me to work. I'm fortunate to have a job that I can get my work done at my own pace. However, I'm feeling really quilty lately. I just won an award for my outstanding performance, and I feel like I didn't deserve it.   Anyhow, with that said, I'm signing off and getting back to work. I will check in around 3 today when I take a short break.
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

Oh yeah, life is good!

Melting away this week, but I'm not complaining. I love being in the 160's. Today I hit an all time low, or the lowest I have been in 18 years! I weighed in at 167.7 - I love it!   My last fill is really working, I'm satisfied on a small amount of food, but yet I can eat anything and don't have problems with PBing. I think this is the "sweet spot", the only thing I kinda have problems with is ice cold drinks, I have to slow down on those.   Yes, Life is good in the band world right now.
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

My experience with the sleep study center

Thursday night I headed back to the sleep study center for the test with my Cpap machine. I started off with a full face mask, I tried really hard to get used to the mask. But finally after much tossing and turning, I could not handle it and rung the bell for my tech. I told them I just couldn't do it. I felt like someone was trying to suffocate me, then I started feeling like I couldn't breath, and then I felt like the mask was making my face sweat (which it wasn't) They then brought me in a mask that was much smaller and didn't cover my entire face, it fit right underneath my nose.   Ahhhh, so much better. It was hard getting used to the air blowing up my nose, but I decided that I would do it. It is suppose to help you lose weight too, so I'm all about that! The night started off good, there was just a light air blowing from the machine. At some point in the night, I woke up to go the bathroom. I noticed the air coming out of the machine was much stronger than it was earlier, I ran for the tech to help me "untangle" the wires that were plastered all over my body and head. I came back and went right back to sleep. It turns out, they kept adjusting the machine thru the night to give me just the right amount of oxygen to make my sleep apnea disappear with the machine.   The tech came in at around 5:15ish to wake me up, they unhooked me and told me the results would be in either Monday (today) or Tuesday and they would schedule me to come back again to pick up the machine. I noticed as I was driving home that this was the first time I woke up without a headache. Anyhow, I went home and crawled back in bed for a few more hours. When I woke up again at around 8:30ish, my headache was back. I'm interested to get my machine and sleep with it and see if it cures my headaches or is just my imagination?   The benefits of having a cpap machine if you have sleep study are, I should feel a lot better sleeping with one, I won't feel as tired as I usually do in the mornings, and it should help me with my headaches. Also, the doc said that the oxygen will help speed up my matabolism and should help with weight loss - I LOVE THAT. I am really going to try and stick with the machine and see what happens. Also, my DH will love the fact that I won't keep him up snoring! Although I'm worried the sound of the machine might bother him, but we'll see.   In about a year, I will have to do another sleep study and if I lose weight, I should be cured from the sleep apnea.   Well, thats my experience with the sleep study test.........
tonya66

tonya66

2
 

95 days until 1 year band anniversary!

wt this morning 172.2   I felt like I could still eat too much this weekend, however, the scales show differently.   I still can eat regular bites of food, but I do have to slow down. I'm wondering if I need just a tiny bit more of a fill?   I was ordered off my knee for the weekend because it was really swollen on Friday. They also ordered me back to 2 crutches instead of the one. So, no exercise for me over the weekend.   I have 95 days until 1/18, my 1 year Band Anniversary. I still would like to lose 24.2 pounds to reach my goal by my 1 year, which means, I will need to lose 1.78 lbs per week in order to lose it.   I am aiming to reach 145 by 1/18, however, if I reach the 150's, I will be happy.   Menu this weekend has been a bit spuratic - I've eaten cereal for breakfast, that usually holds me over until almost dinner.   I had some roast last night for dinner and rice, about 1/2 cup of each, maybe? I was full really fast it seemed.
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

4/30/07 Day 8 of 84 BFL Challenge

m1 - notta - fasting for blood work m2 - notta - fasting for blood work to be taken this afternoon m3 - Cottage cheese mixed with yogurt m4 - grilled chicken and just about 2 egg noodles   Exercise - Took today as my "free day" so I could get in bed early and get up at 5 am.   Notes - Wt 192.8 yay!
tonya66

tonya66

2
 

My 2nd Fill experience

I went to the radiology dept at the hospital for fill #2. I got the same doctor who did my last fill (I really liked him). He was shocked I was back for another fill. He is very aggressive with the fills and tries to get the right fill on the first visit to start the weight loss.   He first checked the band to make sure it was in the right place, he showed me on the xray how it is suppose to look and mine looked perfect. He then decided he would take all the previous fill out to make sure I still had 2.2 cc's, and to make sure I lost none. I still had 2.2cc's which was good. He filled me up to 2.8 cc's, I drank some of that chalky stuff, it went right thru the band, he said "wow, your body has really adjusted to the band". He filled it up to 3.0 cc's, again, went thru pretty fast, so he moved it up to 3.5cc's, thats when it just set there. So he lowered it down to 3.2, again, the stuff just set there. He lowered it back down to 3.0 cc's and it started going thru the band again, a little slower. He decided he would leave it at 3.0cc's. He told me if I am having problems to call him and he might have to take some more out, that I was pretty tight.   So far, no problems. He wants me on liquids for a few days, I am drinking some liquid calories right now (having a caramel light frapocino from Starbucks - YUM). I'm having a hard time drinking it, really full, can only drink about 1/2 of it.   So, time will tell if this is the right fill, but I think it is.:clap2: 180's - HERE I COME. I can't wait to say Good-bye to the 190's!   Wt this morning was 195.0
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

I am now more convinced that the steroids are making me Gain!

Yes, I ate so good yesterday, I worked out, I drank my water, and I was expecting to see the scales go down. Well, WRONG. They went up antoher 2 lbs! What the Heck? I am now more convinced than ever it has to be the steroids I'm taking making me gain.:party::eek::frown::mad:   I have put on more than 15 lbs in the past month. I've been taking them for 6 weeks now and this is my last week, thank gawd!   I hope the weight falls off as quickly as it has come on.   Besides the steroids, my fill level is not right, my life seems so out of control lately and I'm not dealing with it very well. Wonder if the steroids are making me moody too?   Okay, I'm going to sign off and try and think positive!:tt2:   Wt - 188.2
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

I may be too tight

I'm having a hard time sipping water, I'm drinking some warm coffee right now.....I'm worried I may be too tight. If I don't loosen up in the next day or two, I'm going back for a slight unfill. At this point, I don't see how I could eat anything because I'm so tight. I don't want to have PB problems.
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

The Lap Band Really works

I'm sitting here in tears, I can't believe it, the Lap Band really works! I weighed this morning and I weighed 189.6 - I tried for 6 years to get below the 190's doing Low Carb, and I couldn't do it. I have the Lap Band for 3 1/2 months and I've done it! I've broken out of the 190's! I'm so happy and so excited, and I have no more fears of failing!   I have not been in the 180's since 1997 or longer.
tonya66

tonya66

5
 

Happy 1 month Band Anniversary to Me!

My weight today 206.8, even with Aung Flo visiting, I lost!   Before /today Waist - 41 1/2" / 38" = lost 4 1/2" Hips - 51" / 46 1/2 = lost 4 1/2" Left Thigh - 28" / 26 1/4" = lost 1 3/4" calves - 17" / 15 1/2" = lost 1 1/2" left arm - 15 1/2" / 14" = lost 1 1/2" breast - 43" / 40" = lost 3" under breast - 37"/ 36 1/2" = lost 1/2"   TOTAL INCHES LOST = 17 1/4"   BEGINNING WEIGHT = 248/206.8 = lost total 41.2 lbs (pre-op & post op)   What an incredible month it has been. I still have lots of restriction and still working on getting enough water in and protein in.   I love my new tool!
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

Day 24 of the 84 day challenge

Notes - ahhhh, I'm back in the game! Had THREE exercise sessions yesterday! I am so proud of myself! I am almost 1/3 of the way finished with the BFL challenge! I haven't missed any exercise sessions, and I'm starting to see some changes in my body.   I swear, I get a glimpse of myself (even though I still see myself as FAT), I will sometimes look at my profile walking by glass or a window or something, and I think WOW,that is me? I am shocked that I actually look skinny sometimes. Then when I look at myself in the mirror, I see this fat girl starring back at me. I notice every dimple, every sag, and every fat cell on my body. My DH tells me I'm way too critical of myself, and he is right. I am trying to accept my body and love it and just be the best I can be. No matter what sagging skin I have.   It feels so good to try on clothes and they fit! I am wearing a 14 now with absolutely no problems, and that is a 14 regular, not 14W. I love it. I can even wear Juniors clothes - this is cool. I want to lose more weight, and I will lose more weight, but I am comfortable now. If I don't lose another pound, I still feel good. But, I will lose more and I will get to goal - that is a promise I made to myself and I will keep it!   Also - I managed to stay off scales this morning! Yay!   Exercise #1 - 10 am - 20 min HIIT on Elliptical - felt a little sick afterward - 196 calories, 1.72 distance   Exercise #2 -   M1 - LC Big train Vanilla Latte with Betagen added in M2 M3 M4 M5
tonya66

tonya66

2
 

Good-bye, Good-bye forever!

Good-bye 170's, good-bye forever. I loved you once, but after months being with you, it was time to move to a number that is truly better, the 160's. Today, I met the 160's and they have truly made me feel great. Weighed in today at 167.8. Yes, I love the 160's now, 170's treated me good for awhile, but the 160's will treat me better.   I am so happy - I haven't weighed in the 160's in like 15 to 17 years. I can't even remember the last time I weighed this. I know it was before my kids were born and they are 17 & 15 now. So, its been a loooong time.   I'm enjoying my ride with the lap-band, it truly has been amazing. It has taken me places that I never thought I would be, never thought was possible. I actually am being called "skinny", by kids and DH tell me how skinny i've become. I love it!
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

Boy the scale sure does move slow!

The scale sure is moving slow these days! I do feel smaller, I think I must be loseing inches.   I had another great workout last night - I love to sweat!   Menu today   Bfast The inside of a bfast burrito   Lunch salad   Dinner taco salad (no chips)   Wt 179
tonya66

tonya66

2
 

Happy 3 mo. Band Anniversary to me!

Today makes 3 mos since I was joined together with my Band! The super fast weight loss has stopped:phanvan , but I know I will continue to go down, and I'm happy so far. No problems (except this last fill might be too tight). Below are my stats -   Beginning Weight = 248 1 mo post op - 206.8 2 mo post op - 198 3 mo post op - 193   Total lost = 55 lbs   My measurements:   Before /1 month out/ 2 months out/3 mos Waist - 41 1/2" / 38" / 36 /36 Hips - 51" / 46 1/2 / 45"/44" Left Thigh - 28" / 26 1/4"/ 24"/23 1/2 calves - 17" / 15 1/2"/ 15 /16 left arm - 15 1/2" / 14" / 13/13 breast - 43" / 40"/ 39/38 1/2 under breast - 37"/36 1/2" / 36"/36 TOTAL INCHES LOST= 26 inches Notes - although last month was not a huge loss in inches and weight, I feel like I have accomplished a lot. I learned that I don't have to eat to deal with my stress or other emotions. Also, for about 2 weeks out of the month, I didn't even try to lose weight, I was busy with a remodeling project, ate junk food for dinner every night, and no exercise. So, for me not to GAIN during that time is a great accomplishments. In the past if I didn't try to lose weight, I would always gain like 15 lbs. So I feel like I have reason to be happy, even with a 5 lbs loss for a month and only 2" loss for the month. I know next month there will be a big difference so I'm excited to see what will happen during my 4 month anniversary!   My goals for month 4 -   Start the BFL challenge Get out of the 190's take my vitamins every day stay focussed and not miss any workouts
tonya66

tonya66

1
 

Back to the gym - FINALLY

Well, yesterday was my first trip back to the gym since July! I haven't been able to make it to the gym since my surgery. My physical therapist put me on a bicycle to get my movement back in my knees, so I headed to the gym and did 15 min on the recumbant bike. I did work up a little sweat, but not much.   I could not go that fast, but I'm just happy that I did it. I go to therapy today and they will put me on the bike there, and do leg lifts with ankle weights so I'll get a little exercise today too.   I'm taking baby steps, trying to get back into the exercise game. It's going to be awhile before I can start lifting weights again with my legs, but at this point, I will be happy to be able to get on a treadmill again...   Weight this morning 175.1. The fill is working, I got full after about 4 bites of weight control oatmeal.
tonya66

tonya66

1

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