Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
$99 Yearly Supply Alert! 🌈 "1 per Day!" Bariatric Multivitamins
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
  • entries
    38
  • comments
    80
  • views
    5,271

About this blog

in order to truly find myself, i have to lose ...

Entries in this blog

 

i am so afraid...

... i am afraid of failing. i really truly am. i know i have done well, but the past 2 weeks have sucked so bad. last week i lost less than 2 pounds, i know that the loss will slow down as i progress in my journey, but it's just been not good.   in fact, i gained 3/4 pound today. :cry i am trying to do the right thing. i am eating "OK" (yes, it could be better) and working my ass off at the gym, but i am still having heartrate problems - i cant seem to get it high enough. i top out about 140 and that is me really pusing myself. it is like my heart is in better shape than my body. which is somewhat of a good thing, but damn i wish i could get my HR up to the 150s for awhile. REALLY burn those calories. today during my training session, i burned less than 200 cals in 20 minutes. that is nothing ... i can burn 200 cals in about 12 mins on the treadmill.   i fear that my body is saying "OK, you're done, you've lost 63ish pounds and you will not lose any more"... i realize this isnt even a plateau but when you work SO hard and do not have the results on the scale it is just very discouraging.   during our training session today, Kari told me to start eating the carbs ... she is afraid my body is in 'starvation mode'. the past few days - low cals was 822, high cals was 1268. exercise cals low was 471, high was 1531 cals burned. average is about 995 a day. she told me to eat - she even said have a "small muffin" ... granted she also said lots of fruits / veggies, but she told me to have a muffin!!! i cant eat a muffin, i just mentally cannot do it. i used to have 2 bottles (2 "servings" each) and sometimes 2 muffins for breakfast, i cannot afford to go into that habit again.   everyone says that people who have WLS replace one bad behaviour (eating) with another. i am honestly starting to think that my behavior is obsessing about my weight/weighing myself (and working out, but they are tied together).   it doesnt help my mood that i had a huge "meeting" today and i dont think i was very successful. i will find out by Friday. i just want to cry right now. DH is somewhat ambivalent about it saying i did all i could and there is nothing i can do about it now ... well no shit sherlock, cant i just wish things were better? a little support here would be great thank you very much!   ok ... enough of my book. i need to go to bed so i can work out tomorrow.   for the next 2 weeks i resolve the following: - i will not weigh myself except on weigh-in Mondays - i will get my liquids in - i will continue to log my foods on myfooddiary.com - i will consume more calories by making mostly healthy choices - i refuse to deprive myself
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

holy $#!t !!!!!

ok, so i am down 10% and i am happy. very happy ... extremely happy. less than 20 pounds until my first mini goal of 60 pounds gone by 08 December. so i start thinking about my second mini goal. i have these really great dresses that i ordered online and i've never (ever) been able to wear them. so my 2nd mini goal is to look awesome in this dress for my Father's surprise retirement party in February. the thought just came to me... so i jumped up and grabbed the dress to show to Rick.   on a whim, i tried the dress on, it fucking fit ... FIT FIT FIT FIT FIT !!! ok ok ok ... it is very umm shall we say snug around the tummy area. but it fit! (going from a loose 42/44W to a 30W)   so my 2nd goal is to have it really fit by Christmas. can i do it?   you bet your ass i am going to try...
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

hey - where did my restriction go ???

ok ... so i have been doing OK. just OK. eating more than i should ... way more.   my weight has been up and down then back up and then back down. looks like i have things under control now.. i am "fishing" it for the week. and working my ass off at the gym. i have 5 more times to go until Friday... gack!   so i am just under 52 pounds down. not bad, but not great either considering i was at 51 pounds down 2 weeks ago. i need to chill it with mass quatity of food...   soooooooooo ... i go in for my 2nd fill Wednesday. i am so glad they could squeeze me in.
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

happy tuesday

i am working from home today so i got to sleep in for a little bit. i did go on the treadmill today - another 36 minutes. i didnt burn as much as yesterday but it was about 430ish??   i had more 'pan-fried' (with a little olive oil) fish last night Mahi Mahi - only 90 cals in that piece of fish and it was pretty good.   so ... eat right, work my butt off ... i dropped a pound. 353.5   soooooooooo close ... i can taste it... heh - or not taste it ..   my challenge today will be working from home ... i have all my goodies here - lots of SF candy, SF pudding, etc... i just have to keep my goal in mind..... and think 1 more pound til 50 pounds .... wow.   ok, i really have to get to 'work' now so i can go to my step class at 5.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

happy new year!!

hmmm ... not sure what exactly is up with the journals, but that's ok ... hopefully this will save. yup, i am down 61 1/2 pounds. of course that is going to go up i think because i ate MUCHO sweets tonight - like about 1000+ cals worth of them ... i know i shouldnt have but i did and i know i will pay for it tomorrow when i weigh in.   i have started a kick boxing class - oh dear lord it is kicking my ass so hard. my sides hurt so much but it was FUN! add the fact that i burn over 1300 calories in about 57 minutes ... SOLD!!!   i really am tired and need to go to bed. happy new year everyone and i truly hope I see less of you guys and gals **grin**
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

happy Friday!!

well, i went to the step class and yes, it did indeed kick my ass, but apparently i liked it ... i am going back for more next week.   i tried the elliptical this morning :faint: oh damn, i sucked so bad. i didnt even last a minute so i went to trusty Ted the treadmill and worked him really well. i only went for 33:10 (ha- "only") but i was doing some serious inclines (9.0 - 10.0 for 1 - 2 minutes each 2-3 times) then i rested then went back to 3.5 - 5.5 incline for most of the other time.   i cannot believe the new outlook i have. i am actually in a good mood. go figure!!   i am not sure what i am going to do tomorrow. i may take the day off, but who knows. it depends on how active i am at home.   oh oh oh ... i hit 10% loss... yup - 40 pounds ... GONE ... i only have 19.875 pounds til my first mini goal. i am :biggrin1: :biggrin1:
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

EEEEEEEEEEKKK!!

yup ... i did in fact gain. i took a break from working out for thurs & fri (and didnt really do much on Wed either) and i did gain. **sigh** i think it is about 3 pounds but after i hit the 363 mark i quit going up... i know it is in the 363s, but nothing exact..   i was so disappointed today. i went to go to a step class at 915 and it wasnt the class that was listed. at 845 they have a REALLY difficult step class that involves going from one bench to another to another and i am not coordinated enuff to do that so i did my floor exercises and waited until 915 - well they just continued that regular step class .. not the one i went for ... grrrr ... so ticked. i mean that is fine if that what they want to do but they need to take off the published class and add the regular step class!! :straight   so i went on the treadmill for about 15 mins. during 95% of the time i was at an incline of 7 or higher ... 2 mins at a 10.5...   i can definitely tell a difference in a lot of things ... DH took my car and he always moves the seat straight up (i recline it b/c of my belly) ... well i went into it today and just slipped into it ... didnt have to recline the seat at all. 2 months ago i would not have made it in and today i had a little room to spare!! YAY!!   i am also having SO much more energy! after i went to work out, we went to breakfast and went to petsmart. i wanted to check out a store across the parking lot so **gasp** we walked there. it wasnt that far at all, but pre banding if there wasnt a parking space right next to the store, i would have DH drop me off at the entrance and go park.. now i'm the one saying this space is good (far away from the door). then we took Syd to see the ducks ... we stayed there and walked around for a bit then to Costco and walked the store. it was very nice.. :girl_hug:   but anyway, not too terribly surprised about my gain. i have been indulging (aka pigging out) on my sugar free caramel pecans MMMMMMMM ... so i need to limit those to one every several days - not 2 - 3 a day. they may be sugar free but not calorie free.. :hungry:   last night i made fish and green beans. it was pretty good, not ideal but good enuff. and it was less than 200 calories in the fish. we bought some orange roughy at costco and it is only 90 cals for a piece!!! yummmmm   going to another step class with my regular instructor tomorrow morning. it is at the other club so i know it is going to kick my ass, but thats a good thing.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

down a bit ...

have i mentioned lately how much i love running?   well i do...   it is really working for me. that combined with a nice LOW LOW carb way of eating is making the scale move in the right direction. so far this week i am down 5 pounds. almost in the 250s!! wow wow! i just cant believe it.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

baby did a bad bad thing ...

someone didnt work out today ...   :eek: someone ate a ton today ...   :eek: someone had dessert with dinner (not a bite, a whole piece)     EEEEEEEEEEKKKK ... yup ... someone=me..   i was just way too tired to get up early to go work out this morning. i planned on leaving work early and going after work ... not so much ... i was asked to prepare a report that is going directly to our CEO's office (i work for a mAAjor airline...) double eeeek!!! so i was at work until about 630 finishing it up. so much for working out.   sigh ... so i have a kick boxing class tomorrow morning. it is with the best teacher and should be fun. i may work out after that as well. we'll see what my weight is ... if it is above 339 7/8 i will spend a lot of time there this weekend.   i did have a sorta NSV ... i have to dress up for work Monday (big meeting) and i pulled my skirt & jacket out of the closet - the one i bought last year and it never did quite fit and hasnt been worn - well it is big ... like really big. not sure if i will be able to pull it off Monday. i hope so cause i am tired of buying new outfits and them not fitting soon after ...   oh damn, i am SO full from dinner. i cant wait to get my fill. i need it so bad. for dinner i had chicken fajitas ... all of the chicken, some queso, 2 tortillas and lots of onions ... oh and refried beans ... way too much ... dont forget the dessert!!   i will do better tomorrow.
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

a few posts

yup - im lazy and just linking to my blog... http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/running-gear.html http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/first-outdoor-run-bust.html
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

28nov07

http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/oh-boy-my-ignore-list-on-lbt-is-getting.html
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

12 Nov 07

lazy again ...   http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/maybe-im-not-runner.html
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

Bariatric Forums

For Patients

Health Professionals

Search Surgeons

Bariatric Surgeons: Want to research a weight loss surgery surgeon? Enter their last name below to start!

×