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About this blog

in order to truly find myself, i have to lose ...

Entries in this blog

 

28nov07

http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/oh-boy-my-ignore-list-on-lbt-is-getting.html
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

WTH??

im starving   http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/wtf.html
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

new blog

i am doing the "Total Body Makeover" (Bob Greene)   posting my progress there. i cant believe i have been banded almost 6 months ... :faint:   http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

it's been a very long time ...

i was really really sick... couldnt work out for over 2 weeks and am just starting to get back into the swing of things.   my work life has been very good. i have been promoted to a job i have dreamed about for quite some time and it's been 3 days. i am SO overwhelmed, but its a good overwhelmed if that makes any sense at all.   i posted pictures in the before / after page. i will be uploading them to losing-jusme as soon as i can.   i had my 3rd fill last week, i am up to 9 cc and i think i may be at my sweet spot. :confused: i do have to learn to stop testing the band. she is a fickle bitch...   not sure when i will be able to post again, things are just way too hectic in my home/job life.
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

a few posts

yup - im lazy and just linking to my blog... http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/running-gear.html http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/first-outdoor-run-bust.html
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

12 Nov 07

lazy again ...   http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/maybe-im-not-runner.html
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

down a bit ...

have i mentioned lately how much i love running?   well i do...   it is really working for me. that combined with a nice LOW LOW carb way of eating is making the scale move in the right direction. so far this week i am down 5 pounds. almost in the 250s!! wow wow! i just cant believe it.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

baby did a bad bad thing ...

someone didnt work out today ...   :eek: someone ate a ton today ...   :eek: someone had dessert with dinner (not a bite, a whole piece)     EEEEEEEEEEKKKK ... yup ... someone=me..   i was just way too tired to get up early to go work out this morning. i planned on leaving work early and going after work ... not so much ... i was asked to prepare a report that is going directly to our CEO's office (i work for a mAAjor airline...) double eeeek!!! so i was at work until about 630 finishing it up. so much for working out.   sigh ... so i have a kick boxing class tomorrow morning. it is with the best teacher and should be fun. i may work out after that as well. we'll see what my weight is ... if it is above 339 7/8 i will spend a lot of time there this weekend.   i did have a sorta NSV ... i have to dress up for work Monday (big meeting) and i pulled my skirt & jacket out of the closet - the one i bought last year and it never did quite fit and hasnt been worn - well it is big ... like really big. not sure if i will be able to pull it off Monday. i hope so cause i am tired of buying new outfits and them not fitting soon after ...   oh damn, i am SO full from dinner. i cant wait to get my fill. i need it so bad. for dinner i had chicken fajitas ... all of the chicken, some queso, 2 tortillas and lots of onions ... oh and refried beans ... way too much ... dont forget the dessert!!   i will do better tomorrow.
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

threeeeeeeeeeeee months ...

i always get so emotional when i take pictures. i know i have been losing weight but to actually SEE proof is just jaw dropping...   i will post pics on losing-jusme.com later but i put a pre-surgery vs now pic up in the before & after pics section.   i cant believe it is 3am ... i guess i am just too psyched to sleep ...   since last picture session:
i have lost 12 pounds
i have worked out 21 days - many days had 2 session in them
i have attended three hour long kick boxing classes
i have found a new latte at starbucks that is absolutely amazing and perfect for breakfast for me (it has 10 - 14 gms of protein based on size) Cinnamon Dolce Latte. a tall with whole milk is 260 cals. it is truly devine!!
my heart is much healthier - i am actually having a difficult time getting my heart rate elevated
i fit in a 1x/2x - down from a 6x
i feel sooo much healthier
ok ... time for bed. 'night! :eek:
losingjusme

losingjusme

4
 

this fucking sucks!

my weight is just not changing, up 1 down 2 up 2 down 1 ... fuck fuck fuck.   i need a fill, of course i cancelled my fill that was scheduled for this week. i need to see if they can slip me in cause i need it bad.   fuck fuck fuck fuck   fuckity fuck fuckity fuck
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

i RAN!!!!

for 2 whole minutes ..   2 sets of 60 seconds each ...   it was great, amazing and really got the endorphins flowing ... WOW WOW WOW!!!!   i havent posted, i havent returned PMs, i have just been really busy at work...   please forgive me ... i do read and you are all my inspiration.   weight loss is pretty much at a standstill at about 80 pounds, but my inches are "melting away" ... ok not that much, but i am definitely losing inches...   this is so COOL!!   i am almost 5 months post op and have lost 80 pounds ...
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

i totally lied ... weighed in

i couldnt help it. i am completely addicted to weighing myself.   when the scale is going down, i am fine. but when it goes up or stays the same it just discourages me.   thankfully, right now, i am eating right and working my ass off so it is going down. like 5 pounds so far this week!! my recent fill has finally kicked in and is nice and restricting! unfortunately, i am REALLY tight in the mornings and even shakes are tough to get down. but this is the time of the month i am normally tigher than usual, so i am feeling i will open up a bit relatively soon.   my couch to 5k is going very well. i love the running (i almost said runs, but that just wouldnt look right :confused:) i average 3.9-4.0 MPH for the entire 30 mins. my "low" is about 3.7 during my brisk walk and my high today was 4.7 for about 20 seconds, my normal high is about 4.4-4.5 MPH. those 90 seconds sometimes c r a w l by though! and of course, the 2 mins walking fly by!! ???? i dont get it.   only 11.75 more pounds until i hit 150 gone for good. wow. i need to keep doing the low carb and working out to see if i can drop it by mid November. my realistic goal is by the end of November.   how about that rants & raves thread about goal weights... ???? wowwow. i actually do see everyone's point of view. i am not chastizing anyone for picking a high goal weight, but for me, i did not have someone cut me open and shove a foreign object around my belly to still be obese!!!   hope you are all well..
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

not jumping to conclusions ...

i wont mention any names (hmph) but i think someone on the boards is talking bullshit about me and it is pissing me off ...   its like i have to fucking justify my success ... and the fact that i work out..   f'ing %!^$# $)&^ !!!!   ok ... much better ... :mad: :heh:
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

kicking the scale to the curb

no weigh-ins for me until the 2nd week of November. see what happens.   i hate it, but it just depresses me when i see the scale not move or god forbid go up....
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

I HAVE RESTRICTION BACK!!!

:clap2: :clap2: :clap2:   yay ... my old friend Mr. Restriction is back :youcandothis:   today was DH's b-day and we went out to dinner. i ate probably 1/4 - 1/3 of the salmon... it was SOOO good and i hated sending a huge portion of it back, but it had to be done!   i am just over 4 pounds from my first 'mini goal' but today's weight loss brings me to 25% of my excess ... GONE!!! yay.   i love restriction!   happy holidays to everyone!
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

insert title here ...

i have no idea what to write...   my weight IS dropping but i am eating all the wrong things ....   i have no idea what to eat to keep my calories up when i work out.   chicken wings, ice cream... **sigh** i need to stop.   i am very pleased with my loss this week so far. i've dropped 4.75 pounds. i am not sure if it is the working out, the eating or the muscle milk....   i did buy 2 jugs of muscle milk. the peanut butter/chocolate is pretty good. i am going to try the banana cream today before i work out.
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

holy $#!t !!!!!

ok, so i am down 10% and i am happy. very happy ... extremely happy. less than 20 pounds until my first mini goal of 60 pounds gone by 08 December. so i start thinking about my second mini goal. i have these really great dresses that i ordered online and i've never (ever) been able to wear them. so my 2nd mini goal is to look awesome in this dress for my Father's surprise retirement party in February. the thought just came to me... so i jumped up and grabbed the dress to show to Rick.   on a whim, i tried the dress on, it fucking fit ... FIT FIT FIT FIT FIT !!! ok ok ok ... it is very umm shall we say snug around the tummy area. but it fit! (going from a loose 42/44W to a 30W)   so my 2nd goal is to have it really fit by Christmas. can i do it?   you bet your ass i am going to try...
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

i so didnt want to go to the gym today...

so i didnt ... :confused:   but i did go for a nice walk in the neighborhood. took a 1.1 mile walk, burned a nice 407 calories!! yeah baby!!!   rick tood pictures of Chinese New Year('s eve) last night .. the difference between Halloween and last night is very apparent ..   i dont want to post them to the Before / After board because i dont want to seem 'boastfull' or whatever... :rolleyes   i absolutely love my band and am very pleased with how it is treating me.   my only wish is that the weight was gone now, but i know that cant / wont happen ... and that's ok .. really it is!! :heh:
losingjusme

losingjusme

4
 

so bleeping tired ...

no, DD refuses to go to sleep   yes, it is 1139pm   yes, we put her to bed at 800pm - almost 4 hours   i am so extremely tired.   i cant go to sleep so i will post here ...   i went to work out 2 times today. yesterday (wednesday) i gained a pound and today i remained flat, so total is just under 63 pounds. i am trying to really kick it up a few notches.. i burned over 1400 calories today. i hope that will be enough to help me start losing again. i know its only been 2 days, but it is frustrating none the less. here i am eating well, working my ass off and i stay the same or gain ... WTF??!!?   i am going for my 3rd fill next Tuesday. i am still so very hungry :hungry:   we went for pizza last night and i had 3 or 4 pieces ... i was full but not FULL ... a typical bandster shouldnt even have been able to finish 1 piece. i didnt have this surgery to feel hungry a lot.   today was pretty good food wise. started w/ breakfast - starbucks 2% latte ... it tasted like it was made with water - - not sure why i even bother i'd rather just have the full fat one and get over it. but i wont. it is a 100 calorie difference and the 2% has 2 more grams of protein in it.   **sigh** ok i am tired, i should get up early to go work out tomorrow but i may just go tomorrow night after work - or not at all .. hell i dont know.   good night - i hope.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

i am so afraid...

... i am afraid of failing. i really truly am. i know i have done well, but the past 2 weeks have sucked so bad. last week i lost less than 2 pounds, i know that the loss will slow down as i progress in my journey, but it's just been not good.   in fact, i gained 3/4 pound today. :cry i am trying to do the right thing. i am eating "OK" (yes, it could be better) and working my ass off at the gym, but i am still having heartrate problems - i cant seem to get it high enough. i top out about 140 and that is me really pusing myself. it is like my heart is in better shape than my body. which is somewhat of a good thing, but damn i wish i could get my HR up to the 150s for awhile. REALLY burn those calories. today during my training session, i burned less than 200 cals in 20 minutes. that is nothing ... i can burn 200 cals in about 12 mins on the treadmill.   i fear that my body is saying "OK, you're done, you've lost 63ish pounds and you will not lose any more"... i realize this isnt even a plateau but when you work SO hard and do not have the results on the scale it is just very discouraging.   during our training session today, Kari told me to start eating the carbs ... she is afraid my body is in 'starvation mode'. the past few days - low cals was 822, high cals was 1268. exercise cals low was 471, high was 1531 cals burned. average is about 995 a day. she told me to eat - she even said have a "small muffin" ... granted she also said lots of fruits / veggies, but she told me to have a muffin!!! i cant eat a muffin, i just mentally cannot do it. i used to have 2 bottles (2 "servings" each) and sometimes 2 muffins for breakfast, i cannot afford to go into that habit again.   everyone says that people who have WLS replace one bad behaviour (eating) with another. i am honestly starting to think that my behavior is obsessing about my weight/weighing myself (and working out, but they are tied together).   it doesnt help my mood that i had a huge "meeting" today and i dont think i was very successful. i will find out by Friday. i just want to cry right now. DH is somewhat ambivalent about it saying i did all i could and there is nothing i can do about it now ... well no shit sherlock, cant i just wish things were better? a little support here would be great thank you very much!   ok ... enough of my book. i need to go to bed so i can work out tomorrow.   for the next 2 weeks i resolve the following: - i will not weigh myself except on weigh-in Mondays - i will get my liquids in - i will continue to log my foods on myfooddiary.com - i will consume more calories by making mostly healthy choices - i refuse to deprive myself
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

i'm NOT a loser ...

well i went to the gym this am and let Ted (treadmill) kick my ass for 36 minutes ... i did an incline of 11 for what seemed like eternity. i did it until my legs were screaming so loud i thought the guy next to me was hearing them. it was about 3-5 mins (i lost track when i blacked out ) then down to 0 for about 10-15 seconds then back up to 6 or 7 for a couple of minutes then back up to 11 for a couple of minutes ... repeat that until you hit 36 minutes total and that my friends is my workout... i burned just over 410 calories this morning.   i have a step class tonight that i must go to. why must i?? well ummm ... i had a huge breakfast burrito this morning - eggs, shredded cheese, 1 sausage patty and hash browns wrapped in a tortilla. oh dear i dont even want to know the calories - probably more than what i burned this morning!!   in todays weigh in, i did not lose. in fact i gained a bit less than 1/8 of a pound so i am going to call it a wash... and of course T.O.M. is visiting starting this morning. oh happy day. not.
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

training with Kari

i have a trainer at my gym. she is wonderfully fit and just makes me ill ...   i visit with her for a 1/2 hour every wednesday morning, today was no exception. she really worked me today - oh muh gawed ... she pushed me harder than she's ever pushed and i am already quite sore   i did get on the scale today and i am down another 2 pounds to 351.5. i have lost 51 pounds so far and just could not be much happier. my initial December 8th goal was a very aggressive 60 pounds. although i will not make that goal, i am very pleased with my changes so far. both weight-wise and attitude-wise. i know i've posted in previous entries how my mindset has completely transformed, but it really continues to amaze me that i am actually excited to go exercise and have taken a step class and i LOOK for classes at other gyms.. un freaking believable!! :omg:   my parents are coming to town in 2 days, i am getting nervous/excited. not sure if they will notice - if they notice will they say anything - if they say anything will they hound me every time they talk to me from now on "how much have you lost in the past 10 minutes??" ... **sigh**   ok ... gotta go.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

hey - where did my restriction go ???

ok ... so i have been doing OK. just OK. eating more than i should ... way more.   my weight has been up and down then back up and then back down. looks like i have things under control now.. i am "fishing" it for the week. and working my ass off at the gym. i have 5 more times to go until Friday... gack!   so i am just under 52 pounds down. not bad, but not great either considering i was at 51 pounds down 2 weeks ago. i need to chill it with mass quatity of food...   soooooooooo ... i go in for my 2nd fill Wednesday. i am so glad they could squeeze me in.
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

this weekend

it is Syd's 3rd b-day Monday and grandparents came into town and we ate out and since i do not have (much) restriction, i really ate. i know i didnt eat as much as i would have, but i did have birthday cake ... i had some this afternoon as well, i want some now in fact. i just want to get this damn cake out of the house!!   i am starting my routine again tomorrow. exercising in the morning, eating balanced meals. i cannot let the old me win this battle.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
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