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About this blog

in order to truly find myself, i have to lose ...

Entries in this blog

 

WTH??

im starving   http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/2007/11/wtf.html
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

whisper to a scream ...

this is my goal for the next 2 months or so ... it doesnt look THAT bad on camera but it is just aweful. it has gotten better, but it is still just horrid!! it hangs down over my waistband ... i want it gone.     weight wise, i am dropping. i am down a tad over a pound today (from yesterday). i am down 7.25 pounds since Christmas. i am watching what i put in my mouth (LOTS of baked fish) and i truly am working my ass off. i've been to 2 turbo kick boxing classes ... they are GREAT!!!!!   i did get a heart rate monitor for myself for Christmas. it really keeps me motivated and pushes me.   i have been having a very difficult time getting my heart rate REALLY high (80-90%). that is where i burn the most calories, but after doing research, it turns out you burn more FAT in the 60 - 70% range so i have been doing some "easy" work outs in addition to my regular work outs.   for example - today i worked out on the treadmill for about 36 minutes - my heart rate (HR) in the moderate to lower part of high zone. i then rested and got my HR down to a resting rate. i hopped back on the treadmill for about 7 minutes in my fat burning zone. every little bit helps.   DH still has a container of Madeline's (cookie/cake type things) on the kitchen counter ... it is really taking all i have to not eat just one - - one has over 150 calories in it. i do not need that. so far i am in a negative calorie state by about 180. if i can keep that up i should do ok tomorrow when i weigh in.   ok ... it seems i have written a novel.   hope everyone has a great day!
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

very VERY quick post

359.5 down 43 pounds ... :faint:   That is one of the many things i am very thankful for...   my mom is in town for turkey day - will write about my days later (my mom knows about Ophelia (my band) and she is excited)   she did notice right away when we picked her up at the airport.   ok ... night.
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

up 1/8 lb but that's ok ...

well, considering i had a McRib yesterday 1/8 of a pound is not that horrible. granted, i would have loved it to be 1/8 down, but no major complaints here..   i did go on the treadmill today and i had to force myself to stay on for 30 minutes. i just was NOT interested in doing it one bit. i guess i could have gotten off and did something else, but i didnt. i toughed it out and went for 31 mins. it was no where near as intense as i have been doing though. i burned less than 350 calories i think, not horrible, but not great.. i'm sure that didnt help with the small gain.   work was super crazy nuts today. i worked from 8 - 6 w/ little break. i am going to go in early so i can leave for my step class at 4 tomorrow. i guess i feel guilty leaving 'early' since i manage the operation, but going to work out is now taking priority in my life.   work out plan for the rest of the week: Tuesday - step class Wednesday - training w/ Kari Thursday - perhaps a day off - going into work early so i can fly to St Louis early in the afternoon Friday - hopefully get to the gym early Saturday - i'd love to do aqua, but dont think i'll be home in time. maybe another day off. ??   how about you? how are you going to move yer rump this week?
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

training with Kari

i have a trainer at my gym. she is wonderfully fit and just makes me ill ...   i visit with her for a 1/2 hour every wednesday morning, today was no exception. she really worked me today - oh muh gawed ... she pushed me harder than she's ever pushed and i am already quite sore   i did get on the scale today and i am down another 2 pounds to 351.5. i have lost 51 pounds so far and just could not be much happier. my initial December 8th goal was a very aggressive 60 pounds. although i will not make that goal, i am very pleased with my changes so far. both weight-wise and attitude-wise. i know i've posted in previous entries how my mindset has completely transformed, but it really continues to amaze me that i am actually excited to go exercise and have taken a step class and i LOOK for classes at other gyms.. un freaking believable!! :omg:   my parents are coming to town in 2 days, i am getting nervous/excited. not sure if they will notice - if they notice will they say anything - if they say anything will they hound me every time they talk to me from now on "how much have you lost in the past 10 minutes??" ... **sigh**   ok ... gotta go.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

threeeeeeeeeeeee months ...

i always get so emotional when i take pictures. i know i have been losing weight but to actually SEE proof is just jaw dropping...   i will post pics on losing-jusme.com later but i put a pre-surgery vs now pic up in the before & after pics section.   i cant believe it is 3am ... i guess i am just too psyched to sleep ...   since last picture session:
i have lost 12 pounds
i have worked out 21 days - many days had 2 session in them
i have attended three hour long kick boxing classes
i have found a new latte at starbucks that is absolutely amazing and perfect for breakfast for me (it has 10 - 14 gms of protein based on size) Cinnamon Dolce Latte. a tall with whole milk is 260 cals. it is truly devine!!
my heart is much healthier - i am actually having a difficult time getting my heart rate elevated
i fit in a 1x/2x - down from a 6x
i feel sooo much healthier
ok ... time for bed. 'night! :eek:
losingjusme

losingjusme

4
 

this weekend

it is Syd's 3rd b-day Monday and grandparents came into town and we ate out and since i do not have (much) restriction, i really ate. i know i didnt eat as much as i would have, but i did have birthday cake ... i had some this afternoon as well, i want some now in fact. i just want to get this damn cake out of the house!!   i am starting my routine again tomorrow. exercising in the morning, eating balanced meals. i cannot let the old me win this battle.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

this fucking sucks!

my weight is just not changing, up 1 down 2 up 2 down 1 ... fuck fuck fuck.   i need a fill, of course i cancelled my fill that was scheduled for this week. i need to see if they can slip me in cause i need it bad.   fuck fuck fuck fuck   fuckity fuck fuckity fuck
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

so bleeping tired ...

no, DD refuses to go to sleep   yes, it is 1139pm   yes, we put her to bed at 800pm - almost 4 hours   i am so extremely tired.   i cant go to sleep so i will post here ...   i went to work out 2 times today. yesterday (wednesday) i gained a pound and today i remained flat, so total is just under 63 pounds. i am trying to really kick it up a few notches.. i burned over 1400 calories today. i hope that will be enough to help me start losing again. i know its only been 2 days, but it is frustrating none the less. here i am eating well, working my ass off and i stay the same or gain ... WTF??!!?   i am going for my 3rd fill next Tuesday. i am still so very hungry :hungry:   we went for pizza last night and i had 3 or 4 pieces ... i was full but not FULL ... a typical bandster shouldnt even have been able to finish 1 piece. i didnt have this surgery to feel hungry a lot.   today was pretty good food wise. started w/ breakfast - starbucks 2% latte ... it tasted like it was made with water - - not sure why i even bother i'd rather just have the full fat one and get over it. but i wont. it is a 100 calorie difference and the 2% has 2 more grams of protein in it.   **sigh** ok i am tired, i should get up early to go work out tomorrow but i may just go tomorrow night after work - or not at all .. hell i dont know.   good night - i hope.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

OMG ...

well apparently my body likes it when i eat right and exercise - go figure!!   i didnt have any SF candy Sat or Sun and i ate well (fish one night, pork the next) and didnt do much (if any) snacking.   i worked out Sunday morning - my step class - and yes, she did indeed kick my ass and i worked out this morning on the treadmill. i burned 400 cals in 30 mins ... that's a new high for me.   i am down to 354.5 - - a total of 48 pounds. :faint: this is just so amazing that every time i think about it i just want to start crying ... in a good way.:girl_hug:   i am almost at my 2 month 'bandiversary' ... we will take pictures on Thursday. i dont think it will be as drastic of a change as last month, but that's OK...   my dad and step mom are coming in for Syd's birthday this weekend ... they have no idea about the surgery or the weight loss. i've been hinting that i've been working out, though. we'll see if they notice.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

not jumping to conclusions ...

i wont mention any names (hmph) but i think someone on the boards is talking bullshit about me and it is pissing me off ...   its like i have to fucking justify my success ... and the fact that i work out..   f'ing %!^$# $)&^ !!!!   ok ... much better ... :mad: :heh:
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

no talking about weight here ...

well i went to work out tonight - my step class.   i always weigh more in the evening than in the morning ... always ... always... why the hell did i step on the scale this evening?   dammit! 4 fucking pounds .. .up - yeah up.   hopefully it is just my 'evening weight' cause if i really gained dammit! **sigh**   i've had absolutely no motivation whatsoever. i was on the treadmill for 30 mins yesterday. after 8 minutes i wanted OFF ...   tonight in the step class - she worked my ass off ... i wanted to leave, almost did.   i know it is a good thing that i didnt leave, but i dont know what is wrong with me ... i wanted to SO bad :phanvan   is there even a point to this post - nope. just the fact that i am totally sucking right now and i FEEL fat. how ridiculous is that??? i'm "smaller" than i have been in years and i feel fat..   grrrrrrr   and i am really grouchy - i totally yelled at Rick (DH) tonight for really no reason... **sigh**   peace out.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

new blog

i am doing the "Total Body Makeover" (Bob Greene)   posting my progress there. i cant believe i have been banded almost 6 months ... :faint:   http://losingjusme.blogspot.com/
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

kicking the scale to the curb

no weigh-ins for me until the 2nd week of November. see what happens.   i hate it, but it just depresses me when i see the scale not move or god forbid go up....
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

it's been a very long time ...

i was really really sick... couldnt work out for over 2 weeks and am just starting to get back into the swing of things.   my work life has been very good. i have been promoted to a job i have dreamed about for quite some time and it's been 3 days. i am SO overwhelmed, but its a good overwhelmed if that makes any sense at all.   i posted pictures in the before / after page. i will be uploading them to losing-jusme as soon as i can.   i had my 3rd fill last week, i am up to 9 cc and i think i may be at my sweet spot. :confused: i do have to learn to stop testing the band. she is a fickle bitch...   not sure when i will be able to post again, things are just way too hectic in my home/job life.
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

it's been a pretty good weekend ... L O N G

i worked out quite a bit during my 'vacation' from work. in fact i worked out twice Monday and Tuesday once Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and today. yup, the only day i missed was Thanksgiving and the gym was closed.   i weighed myself on Friday and i was in the 350s ... talk about a jaw dropper!!! it was just so surreal. the bottom part of the scale goes in 20 lb increments ... i used to be in the 360s and i slid it over there and it was like, nope - - lower !!! so i slipped it to 340 and then the top alllllll the way over to the end ... and i ATE on Thanksgiving ... i ate and ate and ate ... ok ... not as much as i would have pre-band, but i ate more than i really should have. but you know, i worked my ass off at the gym and do not feel too bad about it.. now if i would have gained that would have been a different story..   i am at 19.99% towards goal ... so close to 20% but not there ... 11.02% of me is gone ... gone for good. :biggrin1:   this week i am going to work out Monday on the treadmill, Tuesday is a step class, Wednesday is my session with Kari, Thursday i am flying home for a luncheon on Friday. there is a gym about 15 minutes from my parent's house so i plan on working out on Friday as well.   going home should be interesting. my dad and step mom have no idea i have lost this weight ... i am hoping to work my buns off. i am 5 5/8 pounds away from losing 50 pounds. who'da thunk it??   i did go to the Avenue to get something to wear for the luncheon on Friday... the 30/32 skirt was a tad snug so i didnt get it, i did buy a wonderful blouse that looks really great i also ordered a dress and hopefully it will arrive in enough time for Friday..   ok, this is long enough, i hope everyone had a great weekend and so much success to everyone!!!
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

insert witty title here...

i dont really even know where to begin. i was banded on 09 Oct 2006 and my life has changed.   i never believed the 'bullshit' that others boasted about ... how there was just this transformation ...   well there has been.   when i stepped on the scale at my MD's office i was rather shocked when it read 402.5, but not really. it wasnt even my highest ... i had been teetering between 415 and 395 for awhile now.. not anymore.   how does someone get to be 400+ pounds? well, i like food. not always a lot of food just junk food. there were days where i would "skip" lunch and much on the mini reese's pb cups. going thru a huge bag in just a few days. in addition to that, i did not move. if i was sitting on the couch, i would ask my husband to get up and get me something to eat and/or drink...   well, i am now following (99% of the time) the bandster rules. i admit i went to a buffet and resorted to my old ways. i ate ... oh boy did i eat. i also gained weight. no shocker there.   i am also moving my ass. i joined 24 hour fitness 10 months ago .. i just started going there 2 weeks after my surgery. when i started, i barely managed 8 minutes on the treadmill ... today i went twice and logged almost 70 minutes ... with an incline of a max of 10.5 - i'm not sure how high it goes, but in the next few weeks, i will find out. granted i was at 10.5 for just a tad over a minute, but i was at 9 for 2+ minutes about 6 times.   and the bizarre thing? i want to work out! :sick my gym bag is already packed for tomorrow. i have my 2nd personal training session and i think she is probably going to kick my ass... but being the weirdo that i am, i'll probably like it.
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

insert title here ...

i have no idea what to write...   my weight IS dropping but i am eating all the wrong things ....   i have no idea what to eat to keep my calories up when i work out.   chicken wings, ice cream... **sigh** i need to stop.   i am very pleased with my loss this week so far. i've dropped 4.75 pounds. i am not sure if it is the working out, the eating or the muscle milk....   i did buy 2 jugs of muscle milk. the peanut butter/chocolate is pretty good. i am going to try the banana cream today before i work out.
losingjusme

losingjusme

1
 

i'm NOT a loser ...

well i went to the gym this am and let Ted (treadmill) kick my ass for 36 minutes ... i did an incline of 11 for what seemed like eternity. i did it until my legs were screaming so loud i thought the guy next to me was hearing them. it was about 3-5 mins (i lost track when i blacked out ) then down to 0 for about 10-15 seconds then back up to 6 or 7 for a couple of minutes then back up to 11 for a couple of minutes ... repeat that until you hit 36 minutes total and that my friends is my workout... i burned just over 410 calories this morning.   i have a step class tonight that i must go to. why must i?? well ummm ... i had a huge breakfast burrito this morning - eggs, shredded cheese, 1 sausage patty and hash browns wrapped in a tortilla. oh dear i dont even want to know the calories - probably more than what i burned this morning!!   in todays weigh in, i did not lose. in fact i gained a bit less than 1/8 of a pound so i am going to call it a wash... and of course T.O.M. is visiting starting this morning. oh happy day. not.
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

i totally lied ... weighed in

i couldnt help it. i am completely addicted to weighing myself.   when the scale is going down, i am fine. but when it goes up or stays the same it just discourages me.   thankfully, right now, i am eating right and working my ass off so it is going down. like 5 pounds so far this week!! my recent fill has finally kicked in and is nice and restricting! unfortunately, i am REALLY tight in the mornings and even shakes are tough to get down. but this is the time of the month i am normally tigher than usual, so i am feeling i will open up a bit relatively soon.   my couch to 5k is going very well. i love the running (i almost said runs, but that just wouldnt look right :confused:) i average 3.9-4.0 MPH for the entire 30 mins. my "low" is about 3.7 during my brisk walk and my high today was 4.7 for about 20 seconds, my normal high is about 4.4-4.5 MPH. those 90 seconds sometimes c r a w l by though! and of course, the 2 mins walking fly by!! ???? i dont get it.   only 11.75 more pounds until i hit 150 gone for good. wow. i need to keep doing the low carb and working out to see if i can drop it by mid November. my realistic goal is by the end of November.   how about that rants & raves thread about goal weights... ???? wowwow. i actually do see everyone's point of view. i am not chastizing anyone for picking a high goal weight, but for me, i did not have someone cut me open and shove a foreign object around my belly to still be obese!!!   hope you are all well..
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

i so didnt want to go to the gym today...

so i didnt ... :confused:   but i did go for a nice walk in the neighborhood. took a 1.1 mile walk, burned a nice 407 calories!! yeah baby!!!   rick tood pictures of Chinese New Year('s eve) last night .. the difference between Halloween and last night is very apparent ..   i dont want to post them to the Before / After board because i dont want to seem 'boastfull' or whatever... :rolleyes   i absolutely love my band and am very pleased with how it is treating me.   my only wish is that the weight was gone now, but i know that cant / wont happen ... and that's ok .. really it is!! :heh:
losingjusme

losingjusme

4
 

i RAN!!!!

for 2 whole minutes ..   2 sets of 60 seconds each ...   it was great, amazing and really got the endorphins flowing ... WOW WOW WOW!!!!   i havent posted, i havent returned PMs, i have just been really busy at work...   please forgive me ... i do read and you are all my inspiration.   weight loss is pretty much at a standstill at about 80 pounds, but my inches are "melting away" ... ok not that much, but i am definitely losing inches...   this is so COOL!!   i am almost 5 months post op and have lost 80 pounds ...
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

I HAVE RESTRICTION BACK!!!

:clap2: :clap2: :clap2:   yay ... my old friend Mr. Restriction is back :youcandothis:   today was DH's b-day and we went out to dinner. i ate probably 1/4 - 1/3 of the salmon... it was SOOO good and i hated sending a huge portion of it back, but it had to be done!   i am just over 4 pounds from my first 'mini goal' but today's weight loss brings me to 25% of my excess ... GONE!!! yay.   i love restriction!   happy holidays to everyone!
losingjusme

losingjusme

3
 

i feel like such a failure.

i really do. i was all excited ... i am on vacation this week and wanted to work my ass off and drop some weight. i went on the treadmill today - burned 504 calories .. yay me ...   i went to a new step class tonight ... no way on God's green earth ... i couldnt keep up, i was just not working it ... and the class was of course crowded ... MEGA crowded and they were all getting it. why couldnt i? :phanvan   and to top it off i want chocolate (real not that sugar free stuff) in the worst way. as i was driving home from dinner i came """this close""" to stopping off and getting something, but i didnt ... but dammit i still want chocolate.   i might as well just go to bed...
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
 

i f'd up....

dumbshit me volunteers to make choc chip cookies for our thanksgiving thing at work tomorrow ...   what do i do?? yup ... 6-7 (maybe more) globs of cookie dough ... and 2 baked cookies..   dammit that just pisses me off ... and i know better so that makes it even worse!!   i just totally blew my loss. i was almost at 40 pounds gone and probably gained.   on a good note, i did work out today w/ Kary (my personal trainer) and she showed me a lot of great things that i can do. hopefully i can remember them!!   ok ... i guess im just in a pissy mood, will write more when i feel like it.   me
losingjusme

losingjusme

2
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