Meet the Boobs
These are my breasts, at least these are them in 2003 when I went on an amazing trip with my husband to Spain. They have always been a source of issue with me. When I was young they never seemed big enough and when they finally got "big" enough I didn't like the attention that they garnered.
I like them when I need them, like to fill out a provocative gown or on the beaches of Ibiza. But, I don't like the way that they make my clothes fit or the stares that they get when I give them a little bit of freedom. Men are often very inappropriate when they see them, as if they are are not connected to me....like they are a billboard on the side of the road that deserves notice and comment.
But, I was looking forward to losing some weight and shopping at the Gilly Hicks at the mall in my neighborhood. In fact for my birthday on December 26th, my husband got me a gift certificate for $150.00 to spend with a note that said "when you feel ready". I had great visions of shopping at this store. I would be thin and fit and after a bit of sushi at Katsuya my husband and I would walk into together and pick the perfect pieces for a Vegas trip, a night on the town, whatever the situation I would feel comfortable shopping for beautiful lingerie, something I couldn't do now.
But yesterday my dreams were put on hold. My boobs, breasts, tits, milk jugs, knockers, etc. turned against me. I received a letter from my doctor that my mammogram showed something that wasn't there last time. Something in my left breast. I opened that letter honestly thinking it would be nothing, I almost didn't open it and when I read that they needed to do further studies, I wasn't sure how to respond. I pulled my car over and cried and then I called my husband and cried some more.
My Great Grandmother Gram died from breast cancer, but she was 90. My Grandmother died of cancer, but she also had lung cancer so what came first? My mother was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago, but she's been clean for the last to years, she's the first survivor. All I keep thinking is which will I be? The youngest to die in our family or another survivor? Or will it be nothing?
Everyone keeps telling me not to worry. They Doctor didn't schedule an ultrasound for a week, so people assume that that means they are not worried. But, I'm worried! I keep thinking about all the things I haven't done. All the things I haven't taught my daughter. Who will tell her to brush her teeth, take a shower? Who will teach her to cook? Who will be there when she has a question that only a mother could answer?
For now I'll keep my fingers crossed and I'll hold back the tears until I have the ultrasound next Friday. They let me know that because it is a call back the doctor and radiologist will be there to immediately examine the results and let me know. This time I had to wait two weeks, next time I'll be to nervous to wait.
I almost considered having a mastectomy when I was thirty, just to prevent the cancer from having a place to call home, but I was talked out of it. Now I wish I would have just done it.
Today I went in for my appointment with the nurse practitioner at the clinic in my town. She took my vitals and once again it was reported that my blood pressure is a bit high, something that has only recently surfaced, but is becoming a consistent problem. Everything else looked good but when she weighed me I was sad to see that I am up 3 lbs. since I last weighed myself. I'm not going to get to upset because I usually weigh myself in the buff (add 2 lbs for jeans and sweater), I started my period (add 1 pound of water weight) and it's a different scale so it my be calibrated differently than mine. But, health wise I am great and I got clearance to start the program this coming Monday.
So what is Lindora?
Lindora is a medically supervised weight loss program that has been around for over 30 years. It was created by Dr. Marshall Stamper after his mother died of obesity and the related illnesses that obese people often suffer from. They offer a comprehensive program online at
http://www.lindora.com/ or you can do the program through one of their clinics as I am. The products are either sold online or at some Rite Aid Pharmacies
I decided to do the program again because I was successful in losing weight when I originally did it in 2003. I was able to lose between 3 and 4 pounds per week and I felt great. They emphasize a low-carb, high protein diet that utilizes healthy choices as opposed to the Atkin's Diet which lets you eat an abundance of fat.
When going through the clinic you are allowed to visit a nurse Monday through Friday who will weigh you in and check your Daily Action Plan which is provided by the clinic.
Click Image Below to Enlarge and Print
You will then receive a vitamin injection including two "Booster" shots per week.
They use a specialized machine to weigh your fat to lean-muscle ratio and water composition once a month or upon request and also track your measurements.
You are also asked to run a ketostix through your urine when you arrive at the clinic to see if you are in ketosis and therefore burning fat instead of muscle.
A pedometer is also offered as part of the program and is checked by the nurse at each visit. They recommend that you walk a minimum of 10,000 steps per day which equals roughly five miles. I personally use the Omron pedometer because I can plug it into my netbook and keep are record of my steps.
Omron Pocket Pedometer PC Version
They also offer audio CDs that help with motivation and relaxation.
GETTING STARTED: THE SIX ESSENTIALS
IDENTIFYING & ELIMINATING DEFENSIVE BARRIERS
RELAXATION
AFFIRMATIONS
CONTROL CRAVINGS
It's a very medically sound diet. It focuses on eating three meals a day and three snacks. Each meal including the snacks must contain a healthy protein. For the first three days of the diet (or until you are in ketosis) you eat only proteins. They offer a wide variety of products including soy nuts, soups, shakes, bars, etc. which are great for convenience but not necessary.
I had to put everything on hold because of the craziness going on at my studio. A little background on that...
I am an animator. A color stylist to be exact and I'm currently working on the New Looney Tunes show that was supposed to air last year, but we've hit a glitch or two (or three) and now we're playing catch up. I'm really proud to be a part of this production and I''m so anxious to see it air. Because of the sudden pus to get it done, I haven't had a lot of time to focus on diet and exercise and after watching the entire month of January come and go in the blink of an eye, I've decided that February is the time to find balance. So this morning I stepped back and planned a different mode of attack.
I have "re-started" my Lindora program. Meaning Yesterday was my first of four protein days and on Friday I will begin eating a low carb high protein diet. My weight hasn't gone up since my surgery, but I also haven't lost any weight so I need to kick it into high gear.
Since I know it is difficult for me to work out in the mornings, as I have to get my daughter ready for school and I also know that it is difficult for me to work out after work, as I have to cook dinner and I'm exhausted I have decided to join the gym on the Warner Bros. Lot.
Hours
Open 6:00am to 9:00pm,
Monday through Friday.
Aerobics Schedule
Aerobics Calendar (pdf) (Spring/Summer 2010)
Membership Fees
Daily$10Monthly$40Three Months$95Annual$310
Observances
Breast Cancer Month
Children’s Health Month
Dental Hygiene Month
Depression and Mental Health Month
Halloween
Programs & Services
Individualized fitness profiles, programs and exercise prescriptions
Personal training
Private pilates
Fitness evaluation
Goal setting
Nutrition counseling
Equipment: “state of the art” cardiovascular, circuit and free weight training equipment
Aerobics: low impact, step, strength, body sculpting, boxercise, martial arts, abs only & spinning Health
Education: Classes and seminars on health related topics, a health resource library and wellness programs
the hours work out perfectly so that I can go either before work or at my lunch break. It's close enough from my office to walk to the Main Lot and that counts as extra steps.
Once I'm done working out we have a commissary that has an amazing salad bar. So I'm set.
I'm Baaaack!
Can't believe how long it's been since my last post. I've been busy with work, really busy and my husband has been working from home, which meant I didn't have a lot of me time to sit and write. But, he started his new job at Disney today and I have the house to myself for the moment.
Well I had my first fill, but my weight loss has been non existent. I have tried to start a new diet, but I'm learning (not for the first time) that my life style isn't really conducive to strict diets. I have too many schmoozing meetings with people so I'm going to take a new approach and follow my doctors advice and change my eating habits in a way that will suit my life style.
I've also realized that I'm not using my blogging as a tool to help me on my journey. So starting today I'm taking a new approach. This is going to be my diary, my planner, my therapist. I'm going to use Sundays to establish my goals for the week and I'm going to print that post and try and complete everything I set out to do. I also created an entire section on this blog to use the S.M.A.R.T. goalsystem and yet, it's empty so later today I will be plotting out my future, like I should have in the beginning.
I'm am an absolute fan of
amazon.com every year I sign up for their prime account which means I pay a yearly fee, but I get free shipping on almost everything I purchase. This weekend I got a couple of things that I'd like to share. First off, I am seeing a therapist weekly because I decided that I want to change aspects of my personality that have always gotten in the way of my goals, including weight loss. She is a cognitive therapist and she's working with me to live in the moment and create healthy boundaries so I decided to purchase a couple of books to read over the next few weeks.
According to the back sleeve this book provides the tools and insights needed to create boundaries sot that we can allow time and energy for the things that matter.
Boundaries are the unseen structures that support healthy, productive lives and this book shows you how to strengthen them and hold them in place every day.
As I learn more about this I will share the details and any aids that I learn that might help others.
I also purchased a bottle that I think everyone should have. A few months ago while shopping at my local Ross store I ran across a glass drinking bottle. I love it. It has a lid also made of glass and a wide mouth which makes it easy to clean, but unfortunately since it is glass, it is breakable and last week my puppy made sure to demonstrate the fragility of glass by knocking of the counter in my kitchen. We learned that she jumps onto our four foot counters while we're gone. So I replaced it with this....
Lifefactory 22 ounce glass water bottle
It's dishwasher safe and comes with a silicone sleeve to prevent it from breaking as easily as my last one. I just feel so much better when I use glass. I don't trust the plastic bottles because of the BPA's and I don't want to fill the landfills with plastic bottles.
So, today is a new beginning. I haven't lost anymore weight but I haven't gained back any of the weight that I lost. So I had the surgery on December 6th, 2010 and now January 24th, 2011 I am at 179 lbs for a total loss of 12 pounds. I started exercising last week and I've been eating smaller portions, but as of today I will also be making wiser choices. I've learned what it feels like to swallow something that hasn't been chewed enough and although Pringle's potato chips go down super easy, I realize that there are better choices out there.
Happy Monday!
So yesterday I started my venture that I've titled "Around the Whirled in 14 days". My goal is to find two weeks worth of foods that I can cook for my family and then convert to a puree/soft meal for myself. So last night we ventured to Ireland and made Corned Beef and Cabbage. I've put the recipe in my Cookbook that is linked to this page.
Cooked for 8 hours while I was at work and the house smelled amazing when I got home
I removed just enough ingredients to make myself the perfect portion and soft version of my family's dinner
Voila! The "Irish Tower"
One of the greatest motivators in my weight loss journey is my absolute love of clothing and fashion. I love to dress up, I love to dress odd, I love to thrift shop and find unique treasures at amazing prices. So imagine my delight when I came across this pair of pants from Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Lover's line of clothing.
Harajuku Lover's Painter Pants
Not Striving to be as skinny as this model
My Last Fat New Years Eve
2010
The holidays have come and gone and it's time to make some serious resolutions and make sure that I stick to it, stay focused and make 2011 the most fabulous year yet! I ended up going to a costume party on NYE in downtown Los Angeles. It was so much fun putting on the afro puffs and sparkly headband, glitter sprinkled everywhere but I made sure to cover up my arms, tummy and butt. But, not next year. I loved all the crazy costumes that the people were wearing. There were lots of frilly tutus and bathing suit tops. Brightly colored hair and makeup and while I may never actually get to the bathing suit at a night club stage. I will feel more comfortable shining a little more brightly.
RESOLUTIONS 2011
Lose 52 pounds
Learn Spanish
Commit to My Yoga Practice
Read a Book a Month
Walk 5 Miles a Day
Create an Amazing Online Cookbook
Blog Every Day
Teach My Daughter to Be More Independent
Have a Positive Attitude
Open Up and Online Shop
Save $$
Art
I'm going to Use the S.M.A.R.T. Goal planning system to figure out how to achieve these goals which will give me a clear path to follow to get where I want to go. Tomorrow I have my first appointment at the Lindora Clinic to help me jumpstart my weight loss effort. Tuesday I have first checkup with Dr. Liu and maybe I'll get my first fill. My goal is to lose 2.5 pounds per week so I should be down 15 pounds by Valentines Day. *Fingers Crossed*
Week 2 / Day 6: -14 pounds
I guess 2011 is actually here. I have so many things that I want to do this year and I'm going to do them. Now that people have started to settle into their new routines the photos are starting to appear from the New Year's celebration that I attended. I don't like all of them, but I must admit that there are more that I do like than usual. I usually avoid the camera, but I went to this party with a new attitude. I felt more confident because of my positive outlook on the future. You see, I'm the kind of person that likes to get dressed up in full costume and go out on the town. I like to go to festivals and concerts that serve as perfect facilitators to this type of behavior, but I haven't felt very confident to draw attention to myself in the past 10 years. But, when I received an invitation to an event in Los Angeles this year that strongly urged costume I decided to participate at least a little.
I purchased this wig some time ago as I am a huge disco fan. I didn't like the way that the center part looked or that it looks like your wearing a boxy hat on your head and I was thrilled when it arrived and I discovered that the "puffs" could be removed. I then threaded them with elastic string so that I could tie them around my own ponytails.
If I had been at top game I would have worn a really low cut pant suit, but I'm not quite ready for that yet so I chose instead to wear I short bubble dress with sequence shorts and a leopard skin jacket. My legs actually don't look so bad, so I think I pulled it off.
I slicked my hair down tight and pulled it into two low ponytails that I attached my afro puffs to. I then used a sequenced headband to hold it in place and applied lots of glitter both to my hair and face. Red lipstick usually isn't my thing since I have such small lips, but it seemed appropriate for the outfit. I then used spirit gum to apply three tiny crystals below each eye.
I have been a fan of an LA based photographer named Curious Josh, so you can imagine my surprise and delight when he asked if he could photograph my sister and me. Not to bad.
My dear friend Kampy then showed up with his gigantic camera and proceeded to take half a dozen pictures of me later in the night. Like I said, normally I would have evaded the camera, but I felt kinda OK this year.
The party was called "Nexus" and it was amazing. There were four different areas with four different DJs. One area was drowned in red light and another (see above) was bathed in a glowing blue light. I think my sister had a great time, I know I did.
OK. So all the pictures didn't come out that great, but I decided to include this one because it shows my adorable husband and although you can see some rolls in my still chubby cheeks and chin, I know that next years photos will be void of these flaws.
The Holidays are over and that's not why I'm happy.
I'm happy because I had great times with my
great families.
I never felt deprived of anything during this
food filled time of year.
I was able to enjoy a sweet here and there and
some savory delights along with my
friends.
My birthday came and went and again
the food became the center of the
celebration.
What makes me so happy is that the
scale only jumped a tad and for the first time
in many years I know that I will be able to lose the
pound that I gained and continue to lose
in the coming year.