I GET BANDED IN 8 DAYS. I AM A HAVING A LOAD OF DIFFERENT EMOTIONS AT THE MOMENT. AS OF RIGHT NOW I AM EXCITED! I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD! THIS MORNING I WOKE UP FEELING FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH AND WHY DOES 24HRS FEEL LIKE 24 YRS! I AM APPREHENSIVE ABOUT THE FUTURE AND THE BUYING NEW CLOTHING ADVENTURE. BUT MOST OF ALL I AM SUPER ECITED FOR ME. I AM DOING THIS FOR ME, MYSELF AND I! I AM TAKING THE TIME I NEED TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY, HEALTHY AND TO GIVE MYSELF A BETTER FUTURE. THINGS ARE LOOKING WAY UP FOR ME AND I AM REAPING THE REWARDS AS I TYPE THIS.
<FONT face="Comic Sans MS">So I finally start this whole process of preparing mentally, physically and emotionally for finally winning this war of my flub and all I have been hearing from everyone around me is negativity. The main thing I am hearing is how I dont need the surgery, that I'm not "big". Uhhuh. Right, because fitting in a size 16/18 is healthy for me? Oh and my knee is the size of a softball from arthritis swelling not because of my weight but from some other issue? Not so much. I'm frustrated. I'm angry and hurt. Why is it so hard for people to be either neutral and not say anything or maybe a little good luck! on your journey? Sheesh. I have my date for surgery on December 14th and I'm finding my mood to be more on the darker side than I expected. I'm not sure why. The only thing I can think of is I'm disappointed its so far away? I can not begin to explain how I do not want to feel like a failure, especially to my child. She is going to be 12 and I don't know how to tell her mommy is having surgery because she can't get skinny on her own. This all stems back to my coworkers telling me I don't need the surgery and my daughter feeling (possibly) that I am a failure for needing surgery. Its not like I WANT to be sliced open! My Lord! Not everyone is so negavtive about this though. My mom started telling me to get the surgery when my BMI was about a 30.
