Well, after my fill on Monday, I was cautiously hopeful..but it appears I will be in bandster hell a bit longer. I'm still hungry while following the Bandster rules. Rethink that...REALLY HUNGRY. Not head hunger either...my tummy was rumbling. AND I got my protein in first, drank my water between meals, and was meticulous about keeping to all the suggestions my nutritionist gave for abating hunger. SO...what did I do? Well of course, my son had graciously made chocolate chip cookies, and after about SIX of those...the hunger abated. Now, I probably could have gotten full on tuna salad or other healthy choices...but NO...my ninny ass had to have the cookies.
Today is a new day, and the cookies should be gone by the time I get home from work. If I must have a snack, it will be a greek yogurt!
Live Wild,
Laura
Well...my dr's office is interesting in that they have 5 or 6 ppl come into the office at the same time for a fill, so the nurse can give directions to all of us together, then a Dr. assembly lines the fills under fluro. The nurse and dr. are great...but man oh man...some of the people getting fills were really chapping my hide.
1. the talker. she couldn't zip it, and when she came out of the fill room, all she said was how badly it hurt. (It did not hurt...I honestly barely felt a thing) But she really scared the few of us who were still waiting.
2. The grandma. She sizes me up and down, then says, "well surely you're not 100 lbs overweight, how did you get the band?" I should have told her to mind her own business, but instead, I smile and say, "I'm a self pay low bmi...and I hide my weight well with my clothes." WHY? Why do people feel the need to comment on my personal choices. The dr. approved me for the surgery, and that should be good enough reason for anyone. This is why I've chosen to tell only 2...yes 2 people. No one in my family, work life, or even my personal life really knows. I've told my best boy and girl friend. I did this for me, and don't really want to hear any comments...especially negative judgmental ones.
There were lots of other interesting people who had been banded the same day/week as I was (this was for first time fills only) and ALL had lost weight and felt restriction. I'm the lonely one who can still eat like a pig. (and I gained 6 lbs from the surgery date...all my fault, not the band's) BUT...the nurse reiterated the importance of 1/2 cup meals in order to not stretch out the pouch. So, I've committed to 1/2 cup of food (protien first) in order to start living like a bandster. Even if I don't feel restriction yet...I have to start practicing. I'll get there eventually. Not sure if the first fill gave me any restriction, as I'm on liquids for a few days. Will know better by the weekend.
Made it through finals and work yesterday without overeating...that's day one!
Live wild,
Laura
Christmas decorations are up, finals are nearly over, and I've been reverting to my favorite comfort foods the entire weekend. I did attend my son's varsity basketball game on friday night, and spent the night with boyfriend on Saturday....so even with overeating, I have managed not to isolate myself too badly. My first fill is tomorrow, and I've committed to myself to stick to my nutritionist reccommendations from that point on. It's time to start working this thing and quit being such a ninny about life. I'm using food to procrastinate many activities, chores, and other obligations. If I'd just get on with life and the responsibilities that go with it, food would not be such an issue.
So, I took a day off from work yesterday in order to get Christmas shopping done. I got a ton purchased on the internet...BUT, also consumed poor food choices while I was at it.
1. today is a new day
2. first fill is monday
3. i am still learning...but man, this is the slowest I've ever learned anything in my LIFE!
4. Put kiddos treats in their rooms (they both have bins on a closet shelf for such things) I had gone grocery shopping and the treats for their bins got left on the kitchen table
5. journal.
6. find a book about patience!
Live wild,
Laura
ps...included is a pic of number one poptart and chip eater...with his sister!
I'm so defeated and discouraged...I just want to quit. So apparantly, I can't even last a stinking month until my first fill without a binge. AND...many people say that it takes them several fills to find restriction. WTF...I just want to give up.
Living sadly,
Laura
For those of you who have been following, you know I have been struggling with proper food choices. Last night it was 2 christmas cookies followed up with our old nemesis, peanut butter. All this came after a wonderful protein filled dinner which left me satisfied. My first inclination is to just beat the crap out of myself, which always leads to more eating. So instead, I'm going to take a different approach. I did not learn to read, walk, speak all in one day, why should proper eating be learned so quickly?
There must be a learning curve here...a time to grow into my new habits and to grow into my band, so to speak. SO...for todays list, what can I learn from my eating experiences?
1. Peanut butter is the devil and must be exorcized from my house. (or at least goto my kiddos closets as they used it daily for lunches)
2. For right now, at the beginning when things are so difficult, I do not need to bring "treats home for the kids" that's where the Christmas cookies came from...work!
3. I need to get out my knitting or embroidery to do at night after dinner to relieve stress and keep my hands busy.
4. I have an empty band right now, and things will get easier as I find restriction.
Any thing anyone else has learned on this journey would be appreciated.
Live Wild,
Laura
I ate it straight from the jar last night AFTER having delicious soup and smoked port tenderloin for dinner. This was not necessary, I was not hungry, it was HABIT. AND a bad one. I admit to using food for everything, but thought/hoped I could last until my first fill without an emotional eating episode. Not so. DAMN!
Today starts a new day and another chance for correct expression of emotions and correct usage of food. Still up three pounds, and I honestly don't know if I can blame my pending period or my eating.
Any and all kicks in the butt are appreciated.
Live Wild,
Laura
12 days post op, and I slipped with the food. Had a hot dog, (no bun) peanutbutter (not sure how much, as it was eaten right from the jar) and coolwhip (again, not sure how much) Why?
1. I was bored
2. I was procrastinating homework
3. I think I'm fixin to start my period, and I was craving FOOD
4. I have no restriction, but have been eating the bandster way and am starving.
I allowed myself a bit of time to feel like a complete and total loser, like this is just another diet that I'm failing...BUT...today is a new day. Time to get back on the bandwagon and move forward. What also sucks is the scale was up 4 lbs this morning, and i know I didn't consume 4 lbs worth of calories.
Ah well...it's a journed, and there will be slips.
Live wild
Laura
So yesterday I had a vacation day scheduled from work so I could observe a teacher at a local elementary school for my Graduate program. I got done observing WAAAY early, and had a bunch of free time. Went to bf's house to hang out, and got some much needed rest. (I really haven't had much since my surgery) PRE BAND...I would have holed up in bed with chips and m&ms. POST BAND, I had blended oatmeal with protein powder (put it in blender and made a "smoothie...mush") Bowl of progresso healthy soup, had sex, and came home to some turkey and plain mashed yams.
YES...I slipped in some sex on y'all. The surgery instructions said, "sexual activity may resume after 3 weeks, or as ready" Well...I felt ready. And I survived. lmao! I don't want to be graphic, but this is something I have NOT seen discussed on the site, so I just thought I'd include it in my blog, to help out any newbies with questions.
Down another pound, and I need to start hitting the gym tomorrow. Treadmill and elliptical until first fill, then cleared for actual workouts. No abs for 6 weeks. Working out always helps my emotions, and I NEED the help right now.
Live Wild,
Laura
OK, so post op appointment went better than I could have hoped. My port site is fine, I chose to have the Dr. use the "spider" to do my surgery, which involves 1 incision thru the belly button. When he uses that machinery, the port is low...next to the belly button, BUT he uses a low profile port which is about the size of a nickle. Everything I'm feeling at my port area is completely normal, and will subside over time..(swelling tenderness etc.) WHEW. I feel relieved.
Next, they told me I'm basically on a "canned food diet" meaning if it comes out of a can, and I can mash it, I can eat it. Protein first, then other carbs or starches. So last night I had canned chicken breast mixed with plain greek yogurt. My boyfriend thought it sounded nasty...but he admits he has not been on liquids for 2 weeks, so our ideas of good/bad taste may be a bit different! It was good, went down very easily, and I probably over ate, it was about a cup of food, and I felt as though I could have eaten more easily after. Wasn't starving, but wasn't full either.
SO, I assume I'm entering bandster hell. I can probably eat a lot more than I should, without getting sick or pb or sliming. BUT..I made a committment to myself to "eat like a bandster" until I have restriction. Which means...I need to limit my portions to 1/2 cup at a time, take 30 min to chew and consume food, and eat only 4 times daily. (three meals and snack) Protein first...then other macronutrients. I just have to make it until Dec 17 for my first fill. I can do anything for 2 weeks!
Emotionally, I'm just raw. Feels like someone has taken my skin off, and just left nerves exposed for all to touch and mess with. Food really did stuff down any strong or undesirable feelilngs I had, and I'm just going to have to get used to FEELING. Not having the numb hangover of a binge all the time. A mean lady at work gave me grief over something minimal yesterday, and I started CRYING. I would NEVER have cried before!!! But I'm so RAW, exposed, tender right now. I don't think I'm describing it right, but I always understand how people on the biggest loser cry and show emotions at the slightest provocation. Take away my m&m's, put me in a sports bra, and weigh me on national television...I'd cry too.
And boy oh boy do I have some questions for my DR. I love him and his staff, they have been amazing. BUT!!!
1. My port is not where they said it would be, and that upsets me.
2. Port location? Right of my bellybutton.
3. Port size? GOLF BALL...huge...sticking out...prominant as dogsballs!
4. Port tenderness...to be expected, not horrible
5. Shallow Laura's main concern...I plan on getting SUPER FLY...hot...smokin (lmao) and I also dream of wearing a bikini in some tropical location. My dream did NOT include a big lump next to my Belly button.
6. Is my bedroom a tropical location? hee hee. NO. Hawaii...I want to goto Hawaii when I reach goal.
7. What is my goal? 125 lbs, I am 5'5" and weighing 125 pounds will put me with a BMI of...21. RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF NORMAL.
I've never been in the middle of normal. Closest I've gotten to a normal bmi was my third or fourth round of weightwatchers when I clawed my way down to just barely overweight. And that lasted a month.
8. Pounds lost thus far? 16. (pre op and post op diets)
9. Pounds to go until I reach goal? 53.
10. General mood---more HOPEFUL about the future than I've been in a long long time.
LIVE WILD,
Laura
I'm still on shakes, doing ok 80 percent of the time, but it was windy and cold on my walk yesterday, and all I wanted was some soup! Thought about blenderizing some bean soup I have in the pantry with extra water to make a thick broth...and then, I thought again. And I drank my shake. brrr.
WHY? I comitted to myself and my doctor to a certain plan of eating pre and post op in order to make this surgery a success. This includes sticking to the foods that will allow my body to heal, and then, eating what the nutritionist has prescribed in order to allow my body to lose weight. WHY WOULD I MESS WITH THAT? I just spend 10,500 dollars and risked general anestesia in order to get "the band". NOW I have the tool, and I've got to do my part.
I get very confused when I read on the boards and see in the chat rooms members encouraging other members to "cheat" or start certain types of food before the dr given the green light. WHY would a person risk stretching out the pouch or damaging the band in this way? AND, isn't "cheating" what got us into this mess to begin with? I am by no means perfect. I'm sure I will have my days of overeating and slider foods, and I'm just now getting into banster hell, where I'm hungry but have no restriction. But I came into this procedure with the full knowledge that the first few months were ON ME, so to speak, or were my responsibility. I saw a member post, "I didn't get the band so I would have to diet" DID YOU READ ANYTHING HERE BEFORE HAVING THE SURGERY? EVERY successful member I've read has followed some sort of reduced and healthier eating plan, along with exercise. AND EVERY member I've seen struggle has been lax about following dr. and nutritionist reccomendations.
I've read a lot of peoples stories, and have tried to see what is the difference between the bandsters who are at goal and the bandsters who have been banded for a few years and still struggle, and the difference is not the dr or the band, but the PERSON and PERSONAL choices. I write this not in judgement, but as a reminder to myself, to help me learn from the experiences of others...THIS IS MY JOURNEY, and if I want to be successful, REACH GOAL, and ultimately have the band work for me, I have to do a great deal of the work.
Which is why I had a protein shake when I wanted bean soup. Small I know, but it's a start.
OK...so yesterday, my bandages came off of the bellybutton area. I was feeling around, and there is a marble sized lump next to my bb. Is this my port? I know the surgeon told me it was to be on my left side up high under my ribs, and I thought I had felt some discomfort there as well. Is it a cyst full of toxic puss waiting to burst into my system? That's my current theory. AGGGGG. I don't have an appt til Wed, and I feel GREAT. Just freaking out about a lump! Did he leave part of a sponge in there? or Part of the laproscope? lol. I'm sure it's all find, I'm just a wierdo. A lumpy wierdo.
Had two protein shakes yesterday, and some broth and jello. all went down well and not experiencing any physical hunger yet. Yesterday was the first day I've had head hunger. Just wanting to CHEW something. But not terrible, I journaled and turns out, I'm just worried about getting everything done in time for the end of the semester, and working full time. School and work keep me pretty stressed, and I like to CHEW away my stress. NO MORE though!
Went to my son's varsity basketball game yesterday, as well as running some errands. It felt great. I've missed two of his games feeling "fat" and isolating in my food, but a big committment to myself about this band was to stop isolating. Turns out, no one cares how big I am, no one even paid much attention to me! apparantly, the world does not revolve around my size or weight, and people at a basketball game are actually most interested in what's going on on the court.
Starting to live, just a little, and it's all good.
Live wild,
L
Took a shower exactly 48 hours post op, and man oh man, did it feel GOOD! Had a little trouble shaving my legs (found a big strip i completely missed!) but other than that, all was well. Went out shopping last night, and went to Pei Wei with BF for dinner. I told the man taking our order (who was the manager) that I was having some "tummy trouble" no further explination, and could I please have a cup of the wonton soup broth. They were so nice, and accomidating! Clear broth with a touch of lemongrass. YUMMMMY. AND, the manager sent out a "to go" portion to our table before we left and said he hoped I got to feeling better soon. All you have to do is ask with a smile, and people are usually more than willing to help out!
Weight wise, down 3 lbs since surgery, (one lb a day) but I start proteins today, and don't expect to see losses that quickly anymore. I was basically taking in no calories during the clear liquid stage. I can honestly say, this is the first Thanksgiving in which I have ever lost weight. Something to be thankful for.
So...today starts protein shakes until my post op appt on wed Dec 1. Then the dr will check me out and recommend what's next. More protein or mushies I assume. I feel really good, just a little tender around incision. (I had the spider procedure, and only have one incision thru the belly button.) Google it! It's way cool.
Emotionally, I've been trying to journal or blog, and have kept a grip on things. Find myself being more vocal about feelings and opinions. Those around me are somewhat suprised, but they will just have to deal with it. I can't use food to stuff such things down anymore.
Love being on the site, but can't get into chat rooms lately...has anyone else had that problem?
Well...I'm a bandster! And I made it through Thanksgiving, slowly but surely. I made the rolls, the pie, and of course the gravy, and my kiddos and ex husband did the rest. I told them I had been ill and threw my back out so could not lift anything. (I had been nauseous a bit...but the back was definately a fib! My front was what was hurting much more than my back)
The surgery went well, (I suppose, I didn't see the surgeon after...he must have gone to his turkey day celebration!) And the nurse I had in the surgery center was a real bitch, when I was coming out of anestesia, I started crying and said to her, "you don't like me, I know you don't like me". She acted so mean, I figured she didnt!
I'm sore, but moving, and feel like I need to toot but just can;t! I also feel very satisfied with my sugar free jello and my chicken broth. Slow sips. I have never spent a Thanksgiving feeling so satisfied. It is truely wonderful and the liquid diet is not challenging at all...especially when I keep telling myself, "this post op diet is what your body needs to heal" I want to heal quickly and well, and will do everything in my power to see that it happens. I've read too many posts on this site where bandsters "try" out foods before their dr's give the green light and wind up having problems. WHY would a person risk that? I just spent 10,500 dollars on this, not the mention the inconvience and discomfort, I can definately go without for the prescribed amount of time. I figure I've eaten my share of solids, that a month or two of liquids is not going to kill me! (Actually, I've eaten MORE than my share of solids, that's why I'm in this mess!)
I have a huge paper due for school and have to be back to work on Monday, so lots to do this weekend, and I really shouldn't try and write graduate papers while on liquid lortab. Or perhaps my writing will be more fluid! hee hee. Can't wait to take a shower this afternoon, when I hit 48 hours post op!
Live wild,
Laura
and I'm scared. Or perhaps anxious is a better word. I have absolute confidence in my surgeon and his team. My boyfriend is a champ and will care for me better than he does his spoiled dog. I've purchased all necessary supplies and food. I have 4 days until I have to go back to work. AND I HAVE TO LEARN TO GET MY FIX FROM SOMETHING OTHER THAN FOOD. I admit it, I've "Iused" food my entire life to deal with every emotion imaginable. I commit to the eating plan my dietician has put forth, I vow to give up slider foods. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, I COMMIT TO GIVE UP FOOD AS A PACIFIER WHEN I'M UPSET OR AS ENTERTAINMENT WHEN I'M BORED, AS CELEBRATION WHEN I'M HAPPY, OR FOR ANY OTHER EXTERNAL REASON IMAGINABLE. Food is now fuel, and ME, Laura, am responsible for dealing with emotions. I saw a Russian figure skating coach on tv the other night, and she was shouting at her pupils in a thick boris and natasha accent, "THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW, THE OLD YOU IS DEAD! STEP OVER THE OLD YOU, AND FIND YOUR NEW LIFE. Find your new life, Miss Laura, find your new life.
I'm hungry, thirsty, and anxious. Headache starting from lack of my morning coffee, and it's all worth it. I could not get off work until 12, so my surgery is not until 130. ugh. That's a dang long time to be fasting. I'm gonna be one crabby child support officer today! Feel sorry for those deadbeat daddies! LOL. Never let personal and professional lives mix. Only one person at work knows this is happening, and she's a vault. Only one person in my private life knows this is happening, and he sleeps with me and is my ride! This is for me, funded by me, and all about ME. No other opinions needed! Thank you very much.
OK, So I'm on the pre-op diet, and in two words, IT SUCKS. If I could eat this way, I would NOT need the band in the first place. THAT SAID, I am committed to do everything and anything my MD dells me to do in order to make this a success. INCLUDING the preop and post op diet. I am fearful of the bandster's hell for the few months following surgery but before true restriction kicks in. I told my boyfriend about my concerns, and he was actually really helpful and made a good point. He said, "well, you've always been able to stick to something for a month or two, you've just never been able to maintain it for a lifetime...so just get thru those few months" I'll just take it a little bit at a time and hope restriction comes sooner than later.
I'm Laura, a low bmi self pay who's decided to give myself a tool in my arsenal in my lifelong battle against obesity. I'm just tired of fignting so dang hard and never feeling satisfied no matter how much I eat. All of my siblings are at least 100 lbs overweight, and I'm close to being there myself. I know I could wait a few years, gain 25 lbs, and get my insurance to pay for everything...BUT...this is not how I want to live my "one wild and precious life" I'm turning forty in a few months, and feel 40 years of scratching and clawing in a constantly losing battle of weight loss and weight gain is just about enough. My surgery is the day before Thanksgiving, and I'm nervous and excited. Mostly nervous because I'm afraid that once again, I'll blow it. I know the band is not a handful of magic beans, that it is a weight loss aid, and I still have to eat right and exercise. That said, I'm so comitted to doing my part. New lease on life. New stomach, new me. hee hee.
What a great group of women...I've enjoyed reading your posts, and your positive supportive attitudes. I'm laura from Texas and was banded on 11/24/10. Self pay low bmi, and I haven't told my kids. So in this Sawyer, we are alike. I don't consider it lying, lol elfie, our family didn't do the whole santa thing either! I just consider it extreemely private. Like my sex life...I have one, I just don't talk about it with my kids. I didn't want them to know...
1. didn't want them to worry, and
2. I've never spent this much on myself in my life, and we don't have a lot of extra money around, and I guess I still think I should somehow be spending this money on the kids. (I paid for this by cashing out my ex husbands 401K that I got in the divorce...It's totally worth it to me to have to work a few extra years in order to get quality of life NOW...but, teenagers may not see it that way) AND
3. I did NOT want my ex to know, and I didn't think it was fair to ask the kids to keep something like this from him.
So the "burden" so to speak, rests upon my shoulders. One thing I have mentioned to my boyfriend, which may or may not help with your dear man, is "please don't talk about my eating or food at the table" I know what I can and can't handle, and if I need your help, I will ask." I know they are concerned, but we are big girls (HA!) and are in charge of our bodies. FINALLY!
Source: band�ed, band�ing, bands--verb--To assemble or unite in a group
AND yet...I hang out here blogging! And today I have 8million (ok, exageration there) appointments at work and will be exhausted come nighttime. Had to fly to Kentucky and back yesterday...and the smoothie king in the DFW airport makes a MEAN protein banana strawberry smoothie! I love terminal D! I know right where the Smoothie King is, (It shares a space with the Dunkin Donuts. Which one would have I frequented BEFORE the band?!! Give you one guess. I'm the woman who once had 2 YES TWO extra large McDonalds fries while waiting for a flight...just walked the terminal until I found two different McDonalds. SIGH...those are not my proudest moments. Flight was bumpy and got a bit nauseous, but it passed and I survived. I will say ginger ale sounded nice...but I just sipped some cold water and all was well.
Down another pound! I will feel so much better when I get on a regular exercise schedule, and I think that will help with the weight loss as well. Right now, just walking a bit when I can...but it's been cold, (FREEZING) and haven't had much desire to be outside. Suppose I'll have to hit the treadmill sooner than later.
Hunger? I'm 6 days post surgery, and I do get hungry, but my protein shakes satisfy quite well. I didn't expect to, but I'm a bit bored. Will be nice to chew something. Been on liquids for 2 weeks now. Not as long as some...I know! Kudos to those of you who do liquids for a month or more! Post op appt is tomorrow, and I'm hoping to be cleared for mushies. Cottage cheese and Cream of wheat sound delightful right now. lol. (not together)
Emotions? I loved nothing more than to settle down with a 2lb bag of peanut m&m's and write my papers which come due on a weekly basis...sometimes more often. Last night, cranked out 1006 words with nothing in my mouth. It was...different. I just had to force myself to do it...before, the candy was my "prize" for working so hard...lol. NOW the prize will have to be the GRADE or FEELING OF COMPLETION, or maybe a pedicure after a beastly paper is finished that is due Wednesday!
I feel good, have been isolating less and less and have more hope for the future than I have had in years. We'll call this the Bandster Honeymoon, which must come before the Bandster Hell!
LIVE WILD,
Laura
