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What Next?

What a mess things have been for the last few weeks. Even though the time has actually passed quickly, I feel very trapped and alone these days. I have made the decision not to live with my daughter because of some very major religious differences we have developed over the past year, so now I have to worry about getting my stuff out of the storage she hasn't been paying for! Hopefully, I haven't lost everything I've worked my entire adult life to get. Who knows about her. Plus, I'm so sick of being left here by myself to take care of the puppies all the time. Why does Dezz do this to me? I wonder if she even cares about me at all sometimes. She wants to spend all of her time with Donovan, who I think is sooooooooooo bad for her. Plus the fact that I'm sick doesn't help matters at all.   I've been really depressed for the past couple of weeks for some reason. Donny has hurt me deeply and I don't think he even realizes what's he's doing. He has started chasing this 35 year old waitress and buying her gifts and buying her roses and stuff. It's very obvious he is falling for her and it hurts me, because I still talk to him all the time, but she's all he ever talks about. I think I made a huge mistake when I wrote him that letter. He denied he meant anything he had said to me or Dezz, so I don't know if he's in denial about his feelings for me, or if he just doesn't give a shit about how I feel at all. He seems to get pleasure from hurting my feelings, which really really bothers me. I don't know if I should just stop talking to him or what to do. I called Donna, his sister I've been friends with for years, last night and vented and cried my eyes out on the phone with her for a couple of hours. Sometimes I wish she had never introduced me to him at all! It gets so freaking old being the friend, but never the girl friend. Sometimes I ask God what I ever did to deserve this. I feel like a prisoner in my own body and I can't get out and let anyone know the real me anymore. I don't know where I've gone, but I am desparate to find myself again. All I seem to be is someone's mom, aunt, daughter, or friend. It's like I don't exist to myself at all. I know it's not a dream because it hurts to bad to be a dream. And on top of that, I haven't heard from Steve, which makes me feel even more stupid to think that someone besides my family could love me or even care about me for that matter.   I've gained back half of the weight I lost this summer and it makes me hate myself even more. I was working so hard and making progress, then bam, it was over. Plus, I'm smoking full-time again and I'm back on my blood pressure medicine. I have to see Dr Rivera Friday and he is going to throw a fit! Why do I continue to do this to myself. Is it that I don't really want to lose the weight, or is that I'm afraid of getting hurt even worse if I do? I guess I need to be in therapy like Dr. Hutson told me this week to figure these things out. I'm just so lost, I don't know how to find myself. I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist in February, but how am I going to survive until then? So many questions and no answers at this point.....   Dr Provost's seminar is Tuesday, so I kinda have a little something to look forward to. I hope I get to meet him and learn more about what I can do to help get the surgery faster. I'm just wondering at this point if the surgery is going to help me with the state of mind I'm in. Hopefully, I will get this whatever it is causing this, under control before I have my surgery.   I am going back to Amarillo next week, but I have no idea why. I'm not in any mental state to try and discuss all of this stuff with Donny right now. It's weird that we went to Amarillo just last weekend and I saw him on Sunday. Now, I feel like he's someone I don't even know. Is it him, or is it me? Dr Hutson said she thought I might be bipolar like Dezz and that might answer some of these questions for me. Hell, I don't know what is going to happen with it, but I know I have got to get control of my life again. I think I'm on the verge of losing it, and that really scares me. I feel like I should be crying out for help, but who would listen to me anyway? I would probably just be told to get over it and go on anyway, so why bother telling anyone about it?   Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day...........
wootsie73

wootsie73

2
 

New Year's Eve Again!

Well, it's the horrible New Year's Eve again. I hate this day almost more than I hate Valentine's Day. It really sucks, especially this year. I'm home (in Sherman at Desiree's) alone while she is at her boyfriend's house. Oh well, at least I have the 5 dogs here to kiss at midnight!   I'm getting nervous about my appointment with Dr Provost Friday. Desiree was supposed to call all of my old doctors for me since I was traveling to my brother's, but apparently she didn't get any of my medical records. It would have helped if she had at least told me she wasn't able to get them. I'm going to have to spend Tuesday on the phone trying to get this done before Friday. I also found out that Desiree has to work Friday night, so I have to go to my appointment alone. I'm terrified enough without having to go alone. I'm afraid I'm going to forget to ask questions and that kind of thing. Desiree is much better at remembering what the doctor tells me than I am. So, I wish I didn't have to go alone.   All of the puppies are gone now except for Spot. :think I thought he would be the first to go, but he's the last. He has such a good personality and is so cute, I just can't believe we still have him. A couple in Waco bought Bella and AJ. They were only supposed to get Bella, but her husband fell in love with AJ when he saw him, so they took both of them. I think they are going to a great home. They were so nice and promised to love them like babies. They also said we could call and check on them any time we wanted to, so I think they will be treated very well there.   I bought a meter to check my blood sugar when I was at my brother's and it has been running very high. Of course, I didn't eat like I should through Christmas, but I thought it would be going down now that I'm here alone. I just have to get this under control before I have surgery. Donny is diabetic and his averages around 100, so he is not happy with me. I will get it under control this week.   I'm not happy with Donny very much these days. In fact, I told him I had to go last night and hung up on him. He called me right back, but I was in such a pissy mood that I think I depressed him. He is driving me crazy talking about all these women all the time. First it was Sheila and Keri, but then it turned to Kandace who he was buying all kinds of expensive things for. For example, he bought her a diamond necklace and a new coat. This past week he has gotten off of her most of the time, but he is talking about a new girl, Sandy, but not near as much as he did Kandace. Then, last night he met a new one named Carol! I don't understand why he feels compelled to tell me about all of them. I don't know if it's to upset me, or just talking as a friend. I tend to believe he is trying to make me jealous, and it's working! I hate it when I let him know he is getting to me, but sometimes it's like my mouth just opens and spits out words without my control. I'm going to have to start acting like I don't care about him, or he is going to drive me insane!   I'm really depressed tonight anyway because of New Year's. At least I have the Rose Bowl parade to look forward to in the morning. I think I really need to get a life! It's only 10:00 pm and I'm ready for bed. That's just sad I think. I will be alright because, after all, tomorrow is another day.....    
wootsie73

wootsie73

1
 

My Journey so far.......

Well, I first found this website on 10-05-06 and posted on my first night. I still don't know exactly how to navigate the website, but I'm learning everyday. Today is October 19th and I have been on this website much of the day. I have no life, so that's ok. Actually, we've been waiting all week for our boxer, Baylee, to have puppies, so I can't leave the house until she has the pups - orders from my mom. LOL Vacation last week to Ruidoso, NM was fun, but we all went off of our diets big time. The last few months have been very difficult for me, so I thought I would make a record of it here. First of all, I'm an RN and self treat myself a lot of the time. I don't know an RN who doesn't. Anyway, this past summer started off with a bang going to the Dermatologist for my hand. I thought I had scabies (self diagnosis) and it was continuing to get worse, so I finally decided to see a doc after trying may remedies for scabies on my own. I asked my dad for a reference since I am only visiting here - long story - and he had a dermatologist. So, I went to see about my hand. That's where my fun filled summer began! The doc said I had exema on my hand and gave me some ointment for it. However, I had a place right below my elbow in my arm that had recently come up and I originally thought it was a bruise. Well, the doc called it a fancy name, (I'm a cardiac nurse so I don't know much about skin disorders) and told me that it could be a sign of diabetes. I told her I didn't have a PCP when she asked me, so she insisted I go see someone and recommended a couple of docs. I went to see Dr. Hutson around the 1st of June. My B/P was 190/98 on my first visit and my weight was 265 lbs, down from my high of 315 a year before. She went balistic! Before I left her office, I had new prescriptions for several meds I was supposed to be taking, including K-Dur so I could take my Lasix, which I had not been taking. I also had an appointment with a cardiologist and a gastroenterologist. She wanted a pulmologist, but I told her I had to pay co-pays and needed to take it a little slower. I also had lots of lab tests drawn. I went to see Dr. Rivera, the cardiologist, the next week. My EKG looked good, but he said it was a miracle that it did. My BP had dropped to 130/80 due to the dieuretics, but he was not happy in the least. He was really upset when he found out I was a cardiac nurse. He told me about "his diet" and ordered lots of tests to be done the next week. "His diet" is basically Atkins without the fat. Plus, he told me I had to stop smoking. Well, I started the diet the next day and had an echocardiogram, a non-exercise stress test, and a CT-Scan done the following week, but I still continued to smoke. The CT-Scan showed an 80% blockage in my left renal artery and an 80% blockage of my left illiac artery. I was told I would be scheduled for stent placement in their onsite facility, which I had placed on July, 28th on the left renal artery. He told me I would need to have 2 stents placed in the illiac arteries because the blockage was at the bifercation and would cause the right artery to collapse. So, I went into the hospital and had those 2 stents placed on August, 23rd, my daughters birthday. At the time, I had severe diarrhea that had started a couple of weeks before. Also during June, I went to the gastroenterologist and had an EGD and colonoscopy. He said my stomach looked like it had been sanded with sand paper, but my colon was a ok. On top of that, Dr. Hutson decided I needed to have a glucose tolerance test. I was either having a test, seeing a doctor, or having a procedure done at least once a week all summer. I finally saw the pulmologist and was told my asthma was doing well, but I still needed oxygen and my CPAP to sleep. I already knew that, but I also told him I really needed to stop smoking, so he gave me Chantix to help me. The diarrhea still continued. Dr. Hutson ordered all kinds of stool tests and they were all negative, so I had to go back to the gastroenterologist. He did another colonoscopy with biopsies to see if he could find something microscopically since my colon looked normal. I now am being treated for Ulcerative Colitis on top of everything else. A few weeks ago I had to go see Dr. Rivera because I was feeling dizzy and my hands and fingers were tingling. I was very luck that day because he took me off of all of my B/P meds and 1 dieuretic. Yeah!!:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: I was really doing well until I went on vacation last week. I have stopped smoking for the most part, but I still smoke ocassionally, which is not a good thing. However, I first gave up drinking Cokes, which I was totally addicted to, went on the diet Dr. Rivera told me to, and stopped smoking all at the same time. My nerves are TOTALLY shot! I am going to have to stop smoking completely because my B/P has started inching up since the vacation. I know the smoking is because I am very nervous most of the time and the Lexapro isn't helping like the Xanax I was on, but I will eventually get past it with the small dose of Xanax I have started taking again. Long first entry, but I wanted to document all of this. Which brings me to my introduction to this website. I was searching the web to see if Medicare covered Lap-Band surgery and was elated to find out it did. So, now I'm finding out every bit of information I can and searching for a surgeon. I have an appointment with Dr. Hutson tomorrow and I have plans to discuss this with her. I am hoping for a referral to a doc in the Dallas area. I'm going home with my daughter tomorrow after my appointment to help care for the new Boxer puppies that still haven't arrived, much to our dismay! She is moving to Sherman, TX, so I will be close to the docs in Dallas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am hoping for band placement around the end of this year!
wootsie73

wootsie73

1
 

Life Sucks!

This should be a very happy day for me, because I finally saw Dr Provost yesterday and think he's gonna be great. However, my personal life is going to hell in a hand basket. First, Desiree hasn't worked but 1 day this entire schedule. She's worried about paying her rent and bills, but I'm not only don't have the money to fix it this time like I always have in the past when possible, but I wouldn't if I did. She is so irresponsible with her money all the time that it makes me sick. Shes was crying earlier and I felt sorry for her, but I also told her I didn't have the money to pay her bills and I was going to have my surgery, so she wasn't gettng the little bit of money I have saved. I know she hates me sometimes, but that's part of being a parent. I don't like her very much myself sometimes.   I tried to talk to her tonight about her new found wicca religion, but we ended up arguing about it, as usual. I don't know what to do but pray about it. I feel responsible for it, but I know she's an adult and has to make her own decisions in life. I just pray that she realizes how wrong she is someday soon. I miss my daughter and I feel like she's a stranger to me in some ways because of this. I've tried to read her books and tried to understand what she is doing, but I can't get past the part about being a Christian and knowing that witchcraft is evil. The Bible says so in so many places, but she won't listen to me. I'm afraid for her soul and it just hurts so bad sometimes that I physically feel the pain. I've cried, I've yelled, I've been calm and talked to her, but nothing seems to work. I am going to turn it over to God. I know he still works miracles everyday.   I'm so upset with Donny that I can't see straight. I'm soooooooo sick and tired of hearing about all of these other women that I'm about to stop talking to him period. He knows that it upsets me, because I've told him over and over, but he doesn't care. In fact, I think he enjoys my pain sometimes and that's what hurts the most. Is he hurting me on purpose, or am I just taking it wrong? He's gotten to where he rarely calls me anymore and when he does, all he talks about is Sandy, Kandy, and now there's Carol thrown into the mix. He gets mad if I say ugly things about them, but sometimes I just can't help it. Where were they when he was threatening to commit suicide everyday? Where were they when he so desparately need a good friend to talk to? They weren't there is the answer to it. Hell, he didn't even know any of them then. So, the only person, besides his sister, that was there for him is now being treat like shit. I have done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment and have never allowed anyone to treat me this way before. Am I really that desparate, or is it that I love him? I just don't know anymore, but I'm going to end it soon if things don't change. He's offered to get all of my stuff out of storage and store it in his shop, but I don't know if I want to feel that obligated to him. I just don't know what to do anymore. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least the way it is now I can tell him to FO and won't have to worry about not getting my stuff back. I need to get my stuff out of storage before they sell everything I own, thanks to Desiree, but I am very uncomfortable with the way our relationship is going these days.   Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. I need to focus on myself and getting healthy more than focusing on these idiots around me. And they wonder why I can't stop smoking. Hell, they wouldn't be able to either if I were doing this crap to them. It's just that I feel so totally alone right now. I know it's the bipolar thing going on partially, but I don't think thats all of it. I think I'm being treated like shit by everyone around me and I'm basically helpless to do anything about it because I'm disabled. I just need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be better soon. If it isn't, I don't know if I can make it.
wootsie73

wootsie73

1
 

I Just Wondered What Next!

I thought a couple of weeks ago the worst had happened due to having the CT Scan and the PET Scan were bad news, but I really didn't expect it to show anything. I was totally shocked to find out I needed to have a heart cath and then 2 stents placed in my right coronary artery! I'm glad they found the blockages in my heart, but I had no idea this would keep me from having my Lap-Band surgery for a full year! I'm soooooooo depressed and I just feel like sitting aroung crying all the time. That won't help anything, so I don't, but I sure feel like it. Those idiots in the ER Saturday night were scary. I'm glad I had enough sense to hold pressure on the site! Anyway, I guess I'll just have to see what happens next. I guess I'm prepared for just about anything now.   I did see Shelley White last week and I think she is really going to be able to help me with my issues Dr. Hutson told me I needed to work on, plus issues Dr. Hutson has no idea about.
wootsie73

wootsie73

1
 

Going Nuts Here

OK, I'm back in Amarillo finally, but things aren't as great here as I expected. I went to see Dr Hutson Monday and she increased my Byetta, but that was about it. She wanted me to see Dr Rivera because my blood pressure has been up the past few times I've been in to see her. So, I saw Dr Rivera Friday. He is making me have another CT Scan and another PET Scan before he will clear me for surgery. He's afraid my being diabetic now may have caused some problems with my stents. I sure hope not. Who knows when I will be able to have surgery if there is something wrong. Very frustrating!   I quit smoking 4 days ago now! Man am I proud of myself! Mom has started smoking in the house again and it's not even bothering me to much. I know I'm going to make it this time though.
wootsie73

wootsie73

2
 

Forgot a couple of things.....

I forgot to put a few things in my first entry, so I decided to go ahead and put them in now. Not only did I have all of these other things going on all summer, but I am allergic to Sulfa and was told by my former doc that I could take Glucosamine with MSM. Well, guess what? I can't! I broke out in a rash all over my body and was miserable. I went to my PCP and she told me to take Claritin in the morning and Benadryl at night for a few days. WHAT THE HELL EVER!!!! I was so miserable and those 2 meds did nothing to help, so I went to the dermatologist again the next day. She put me on Prednisone, bad for the weight!, and Atarax for the itching. My regular doc was full, so I saw her partner. The good thing about that visit is that the other doc saw the thing on my right arm and injected it with Solu-Medrol, another steroid, and it's completely gone now!
wootsie73

wootsie73

1
 

Feeling Better

I'm feeling much better about things today. I saw Dr. Hutson this morning and she told me she was just glad I was still alive after everything I've been through since June, and I guess she is probably right about that. She reinforced to me that I've been put through the wringer over the past several months, so I should just take it easy and try to just let my body heal for a while. I know she's right. Since Dr. Rivera's nurse called yesterday and told me my WBC's were 17, I'm trying to rest more. Dr. Hutson told me my kidneys weren't doing well with all the dye that's been run through them over the past few months, and that's why Dr. Rivera put me on such a low dose of antibiotics. That's pretty scary! So, I'm gonna try to take her advice and let my body heal. Hopefully, Dr. Provost will still be around next year when I'm doing better. In the meantime, I can try to get my emotions under control by seeing Shelley and see the psychiatrist and get on some meds for my bipolar. I think I'm even going to tell Dezz that I want to see a doc here and just stay home and rest.   The bruise on my leg is all the way down below my knee now, plus the hematoma is still about the size of a large orange. At least it isn't growing anymore. Mom is driving me crazy with not letting me drive, but I know I'm better off not driving for a while. I think I'm really trying to push myself to much, so gotta stop it and relax!
wootsie73

wootsie73

1
 

Family

Well, it's December 21st and I'm at my brother's for Christmas. I'm getting to see a lot of my family, but they are kinda stressing me out. I quit smoking, so that makes it a little worse, but I am dealing with it ok. I'm sort of lonely because everyone is kinda doing their own thing today, but I'm glad I have the time to rest.   Dezz has sold all of the female puppies and 1 of the males. We still have EJ, AJ, and Spot. Very surprised he wasn't the 1st to go since he's so cute and fun. Dezz is wanting to keep him, but she knows she can't. Who know what will happen. She has to get rid of them soon.   All is pretty uneventful today, but I'm getting very excited about my consult with Dr Provost January 5th. Time is really moving fast now. I'm getting all of my medical records and things together, so I hope I will be ready.   Dr Hutson told me on Monday that I'm now diabetic. She started me on meds, but I have stopped taking them until I can get a meter to monitor my glucose levels. I will get one soon.
wootsie73

wootsie73

1
 

Changes in my life.......

Well, I've talked about the dogs and everything else on here, but I've spent very little time just talking about the lap-band surgery. I'm terrified of having the surgery because I've always been a failure at dieting. This weight has been my worst enemy for a long time, but I've always looked at it as my friend.:think It has helped me keep from meeting men and putting my heart on the line again. So.....I'm setting out on a brand new journey with this. I want my life back and I want to be asked out again and maybe find a life partner. I'm getting older and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I want to go out and have fun!   I have my appointment with Dr Provost in January and I called and found out when his next seminar is. It's December 6th, so I am getting excited! I want to know exactly how he works and what be expects of his patients. I can't wait! :clap2::clap2: This is getting really real now. I know that sounds crazy, but it's kinda been an out of body experience to this point. I'm happy to start on this new adventure!   The puppies are 4 weeks old today! It seems like they should only be a few days old. They will be gone soon and I will have to make the decision about staying here and living with my daughter, or going back to Amarillo. That's gonna be a tough one. I have my parents, my niece and her family, and some friends there. I have only my daughter and the Boxers here, so.....I will decide about that later.
wootsie73

wootsie73

2
 

Better Day

Well, today was a much better day. I went to the seminar Dr Provost's office has once a month. I was a little disappointed in it because they couldn't get the computer to work, but I did learn a little bit of new information. I met some people I have been talking to on the obesityhelp.com website then went to dinner with them. I had a good time. I really appreciated Dezz going with me and paying for the dinner. I just wanted her to know exactly what I was going to have done. I think she will be totally supportive once I have the surgery.   Donny called again tonight, which kinda surprised me. He even called yesterday and said he was surprised I would talk to him. Actually, I was so out of it when he called yesterday, I didn't see his name on the phone or I probably wouldn't have answered. Anyway, he is stressing me out, but I have to learn to deal with the stress better, so I think it may be good for me. I'm going to try to get into some kind of therapy like Dr Hutson told me to, or I will end up back in the same position I'm in now with my weight. Not sure who, but I have to find someone.   Overall, it was a much better day than day before yesterday. Yesterday I was so totally out of it, I really didn't have anything significant happen.
wootsie73

wootsie73

1
 

Appointment!

I was just looking at this thing and realized I hadn't made an entry in a long time. So, I'll record everything that's happened here.   My daughter and I came to Sherman, TX the next day as I entered in my first entry. We got to her duplex about 2:00 am and she showed me around the house. Now mind you, she rented this duplex for a September 15th move in date, but when we arrived, it was still totally empty! She had moved a few of her clothes, but nothing else. So, after unloading most of the stuff from the bed of her truck, we went to Wal-mart and spent a fortune on stuff we absolutely had to have, like and air mattress to sleep on, sheets, blanket, etc. She went and got some of her personal things from the house where she was living with a room mate, but all of my furniture and big screen tv and stuff is still not here. My tv and my stereo are still at her old house and I hope her friend hasn't sold them by now!   The next day I called my mom and she said my daughter had miscounted the due date of the puppies, so they shouldn't be born until the following week. :faint: Finally, on October 23rd, the following Monday evening, she started having the puppies at about 6:30 pm. She had been panting for 24 hours by this point, mind you. I was asleep when my daughter yelled at me to wake up, we had a puppy! :clap2: She said I moved faster than she had ever seen me move in her life! I got up to help and my daughter had the puppy helping our female remove the sac from around it, but she was all red eyed and crying! I said, "for Gods sake child, what are you crying about?" She told me she was crying because her baby was having babies; and she was because my daughter can't have children. I told her to stop the crying and get busy because we didn't have time to be crying! So, the dog was in labor until around 2:30 am when she finally delivered the last of the 7 puppies. We helped deliver every one of them and suctioned their little mouths and nostrils out to make sure they were breathing well. We also cut all of the umbilical cords. What a blessing to see and to be able to help her too! We have 4 males and 3 females. 1 white male and 1 white female! We were shocked because both of our dogs are fawn with flash on them. But, we didn't lose 1 puppy and we have heard that is remarkable for a first litter. Needless to say, I have been very busy cooking for our female 3 times a day. She eats hamburger meat, powdered milk, and scrambled eggs with some dog food mixed in 3 times everyday. Needless to say, she's a little spoiled! I've learned to cook for 2 meals and put it in the frig to save me some time in the kitchen.   We took the puppies to the vet on the 27th and had their tails cut off. I felt really bad, but it had to be done. The vet was shocked about the 2 white ones to, but she said they were all beautiful puppies and looked healthy. Whew! What a relief.   So, now it's November 14th. We took the puppies and their mom, Baylee, to the vet today. The pups had to be wormed, and Baylee has a fungus in her ear. The puppies are doing extremely well and are growing like little weeds. The white male looks like he's twice the age of the other 6. He's huge! He has a brown spot on his back, so we call him Spot, of course. We are giving my niece a puppy and made the decision which puppy we were going to give her today. We are giving her a little fawn female with white flash on her. She's just adorable. But, they all are! They are all walking around now and starting to bark and growl. They are soooo funny! It's really gonna be hard to let any of them go, but it has to be done. I'm using part of the money to pay for my co-pay on my surgery!   The best thing that happened today is I finally got an appointment with Dr. David Provost in Dallas for January 4, 2007. I called his office 2 weeks ago and talked to a woman who took down some medical history and told me a nurse would probably call me the following Monday. Well, I waited all week for her to call, but no call. I even gave her all day yesterday, but no call. So, today I called back and the lady I talked to 2 weeks ago made me the appointment. Why didn't she do that 2 weeks ago? Makes ya' wonder sometimes.   So, I have my consult scheduled and I'm very excited about it. I wish I could have seen him before the end of the year, but what a way to start the new year!!!! WHOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I'm going to spend Thanksgiving here at our home alone because my daughter, Desiree, has to work. We are going to celebrate Thanksgiving on Wednesday since she has to work. I got to see my precious brother last week when he was in town, so the world is good today. I hope I can say the same next week.   Sunday, the 12th, I mailed a letter to an old boyfriend of mine that I've located about an hour away from here. I hope he calls, writes, or emails, but I've decided I would always wonder what would have happened if..., so I mailed it. A really big step for me!
wootsie73

wootsie73

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A Little Better

Well, today is January 29th and I'm still smoke free! WHOO-HOO! It's been hard today, but that will pass. It has become more difficult with Mom smoking in the house again, but I will just have to get used to it. I can't and won't start smoking again this time. Everyone is really proud of me except Donny. He probably is, but he just tells me I shouldn't have started smoking again to begin with. A MAN, go figure. LOL   Things are going a little better in my personal life to. I'm not sure why, but Kandace and Sandy, both of Donny's girls, are leaving. Sandy is moving to Amarillo, and Kandace is quitting her job. So, maybe things are looking up a little. Donny came over last week and took me out to lunch, Red Lobster, Yummy! We had a really good time and we exchanged our Christmas presents, finally. He gave me some really good perfume and my cute little bear. He sprayed his cologne on my bear, so it smells like him. And I can tell ya', he smells really good. I thought I was going to have to attack him when he got here the other day. I love men that smell good! Anyway, I don't know why I would think Sandy moving to Amarillo would make any difference, because I live in Amarillo. He could come over here to see her just like he does me. And, he doesn't come over here that often. Maybe he will start coming more often after he gets glasses. He had his eye surgery on the 18th and the doc told him it would probably be about 3 weeks before he could get some glasses. Maybe he will come see me in Dallas after I go back. I sure hope so.   I have to be back in Dallas before February 14th, so I can go see Dr. Carson, the psychiatrist. I've really been looking forward to this appointment, but I'm a little afraid to. I'm afraid he is going to tell me I'm bipolar, but I guess it's better to be diagnosed and getting medication than going untreated like I am now. I think it will help me. At least I hope so!
wootsie73

wootsie73

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