Dear Blog, (and anyone that reads)
Today I woke up and took my levothyroxine with 6oz of water per the usual. I waited my hour and took my protein shake. I nearly threw up. I just am starting to have a hard time with the shakes and think it is more psychosamatic then anything wrong with the shakes.
So blog, if you could please have a talk with my mind and body, explain the rules, I would be appreciative because they are not listening to me.
Dear Mind and Body,
It has become evident that there have been some big changes. Stomach lets start with you. You have officially been married to the entire body. You see that ring around you? That is to remind you how important you are. How important it is for you to feel full, stay full and digest food so that the rest of the body and mind can stay healthy. We apologize as the ring will get tighter until you get to a point that you understand this job completely, once reached we will stop squeezing, promise. Enjoy the liquids and not having to work too hard on digesting, you almost get a little mini vacation. Imagine the warm liquids like the warm sun on you, with the waves rushing by. Relax stomach, things will be better.
On to you mind. Poor stomach is trying to accept the new roll that was placed on them and you have to go make it difficult. The protein shakes and meals that stomach needs to help body are neccessary and will help stomach be more helpful to you and body. If you do not allow stomach to take in and digest these elements you will become nothing but a pile of mush and body won't have the energy to even pick up that book and read. Celeste won't be able to let you complete your school work, so stop and enjoy the protein, imagine it's a piece of filet mignion. Thanks.
Oh and Body, a few more weeks and you will start feeling and seeing the difference. Put faith in stomach and tell the mind to shut up and all should be good. Now I know you have always had a pretty light gag reflex but you need to get that under control for just a few more weeks. You are doing great. Oh and Body, yes it was normal to get so tired after grocery shopping in a wholesale club, those places are huge. So rest easy you are doing well.
Much love,
The Blog that has to listen to all the complaints about you guys not listening!
Dear Blog,
Thank you for the letter, I can not be sure that the notes will help this system to work together, but I can hope.
Love,
C
:cursing:
I realize that getting this band, often times people say, "this is the wasy way out." It isn't really. Sure it helps with the weight loss but if you don't learn to gain control of what it is that got you to this point, or your connection to food, you set yourself up for failure. One must truly be committed to understanding if they were an over eater and why, or what it is that makes them want that chocolate shake on the way home from work every day. Getting this procedure only ensures weight loss and only for a short period of time. We can stretch out our pouch, we can eat the wrong foods and become super unhealthy. We need to really focus on the why I eat what I eat portion of this.
I have hypothyroidism and PCOS, though food isn't what brought me to banding, as much as my medical issues. As I sit around thinking about what I am going through I question myself, how much of me is going to miss having those brownies when I am PMSing. How am I going to fill the void? Why is it when people tell me I can't have something I want it more? Self evaluation for self control.
This journey isn't easy, but neccessary.
Tues 7:30am, Wed 7:30am 1st 24 hours
Wed 7:30am, Thurs 7:30am 2nd 24 hours
Thurs 7:30am, Fri 7:30am 3rd 24 hours
Fri 7:30am, Sat 7:30am 4th 24 hours
Why am I posting this? To keep myself in line. It feels like forever and I am only 4 days out post op. Of course I am still going to have pain and discomfort. Of course I probably haven't lost weight yet as the swelling isn't completely down.
My sister-in-law sent me a get well card in instead of saying, get well she said "get skinny." It made me chuckle.
Yesterday I was laughing as my daughter was going to sleep she said, "Daddy got a stinky butt, mommy got boo boo belly, dogs no shu up! Baby needs to lay down go ni ni. Lay down baby lay down." I was in a barrel laugh and let me tell you that hurt.
I took no pain meds yesterday at all and don't plan on taking any today. I should be good. I am in a lot of burning pain but I think that is muscle healing. Trying to follow directions to the best of my ability.
Planning Thanksgiving dinner is giving me something to look forward to. I am making dinner with my mother and I am excited. It is our old family dinner. Only thing I am going to miss is Pop Overs because I am going to only be on a mush diet. I am going to bring my little blender for the Turkey. I will take one little bite of the stuffing. I will freeze a portion of the meal for later.
I am feeling really good right now. Feeling aggrevated that I can't eat yet. I know it is for healing purposes though. One day at a time. One day at a time.
Celeste
I only had pain meds three times yesterday. Once when I woke up at like 3 am and slept on the wrong side. Once in the afternoon and just before bed. I feel pretty good today and am not taking any pain meds. I am going to try to get up, shower and go get myself some new sneakers for the gym, and maybe get my hubby to buy me some new work out clothes. he he
Other then that, I am a little sore today, nothing more then when my trainer one time pushed me to the point of nearly tears. I had to take advil for three days just to go to work. LOL So it isn't any worse than that. I am feeling, overall, really good. Just hungry. I am getting my protein in and sharing the wealth by making my hubby try everything I am drinking. My doctor said if I want to start mushy foods seven days out that I could start that, I will of course call him first.
Looking forward to the last of the gas to be gone soon. Don't think I have lost any weight yet, but I am not in a rush. I just want to get through the post op gas crap and then move forward to the eating better foods and exercising part!
I came across some challenges today. It was an interesting I wasn't expecting some of the challenges. One was in the afternoon I kept falling asleep. I took an nap and was fine, woke up at 5 and then fell asleep again at midnight.
I first laid down on my left side, then woke up to pee and thought I would try to sleep on my right side. HUGE mistake! My port site was so sore I couldn't move at 5am this morning. My husband helped me get up and walk it out. I then propped myself up with pillows and slept on my back until 8:30.
I was making my son Popcorn with butter last night and I wanted to take a bite. I always eat a few pieces and give him the rest. I was thinking how good it smells and then thought of eating it and how awful it would be.
A few muscle spasms this morning, took my Levothyroxine and now I am resting. My daughter keeps wanting me to pick her up. The doctor said no lifting 10lbs for two weeks. I am doing my best.
My incision is leaking a bit. NOt sure if this is normal. I am going to take a shower and then dry the incision site. Still gassy and hoping that goes away soon. Right now I am glad I live and take care of my disabled father because the handlebars around the toliet have been so helpful and I think that the shower chair will be nice.
Feeling okay, a little painful, trying to get one bottle of water down and I can't eat for an hour after my levothyroxine so then I will try to get some protein down.
My name is Celeste. I have been battling the bulge for ten years now. After a long time of diet and exercise only causing me to gain weight I thought I was hopeless. I went to my OBGYN for my yearly check up and mentioned the Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome and asked if there was a way to help control the weight. He looked down and frowned a bit, "the only thing I have seen help people loose weight in this situation is banding." The next day I went about looking at the surgery details. I think that was in May or June, everything has blurred together now.
I was suddenly at the end of a six month journey and was told, "you are approved, we can do surgery November 2, 2010." I quickly accepted and jumped on board. This is what I wanted after all, wasn't it?
With no second thoughts about what the procedure could help me with I agreed. As I got closer the fear of going under hit me. Like a ton of bricks, to the point I had a panic attack in the OR. Nothing a little bit of drugs couldn't help with I suppose. The Anesthesiologist said to me, "you have to be sure you want this procedure done or I won't put you out." I looked at him and said, "I have to be sure you are going to wake me up." He nodded and off I went.
My doctor, Doctor Gedeon of Bristol told me he was going to do the surgery a new way. With one incision in the belly button. It is less invasive and because I was skinny it would work. So when I woke up I was thrilled to see no wholes in me. YAH! I was feeling pretty good as a general rule. I was only suffering gas pains. I went from 11:30am (the time I finally woke up) until 8:30 that evening with out pain meds. I got up and walked twice at that point. From that point on I walked whenever I could.
Of course with all the IV fluids I had to pee a million times, thus not sleeping that well. I rested most of the day dozing on and off as it was. When it came around to the morning time I was needing pain meds every 5-6 hours and honestly, I was allowed them every two hours. The nurses said how strong I was to be so determined and self reliant. In the morning they carted me down to do my swallow test, ouuu that was disgusting tasting but not the worst. The x-ray technician that took an X-ray of my stomach said to me, "you had lap band, but your so skinny." I laughed, in the last ten plus years of my life I have never been called skinny.
My doctor is great, I love the staff. They are very good and gave me great guidelines to live by. Once on solids only eat 1/4 cup at a time. Eat all your proteins first and make sure they are solid proteins. One does not want to add the extra calories of liquid protein once on solid foods unless it is a case of needing a carry along meal. Vitamins will be my new best friend and my doctor expects my weight to drop pretty fast. He read the review from the Psychologist and the guy said, "motivated and determined to not just loose fat, but life a healthier life style. She doesn't appear to have food attachments and looks to be ready to stop letting her health control her life." He said he had never seen such a glowing review from the Psychologist, but here I am digressing.
I am now home, day one, my two and a half year old has already tried to jump on me. She knows something is wrong and doesn't know how to approach me, but is giving me lots of kisses. My ten year old is thrilled to see that I am "alive" and well. He is being gentle and loving and trying to help out with his sister as much as possible. My husband is taking on all the duties of a husband and helping out with everything. I am uncomfortable today and in a decent amount of pain. My last dose of pain meds was 11:30 and I took another dose at 5:30. I want to remember that there is pain so that I do not push myself too hard and get hurt. If I forget I have limitations I know I will hurt myself. Trying to force down some broth and protein shake. It's a slow go but I do not want to get sick from trying to drink this stuff.
I read somewhere some people say they were dreaming of food after. I AM TOO!!! I dreamt of a nice crisp salad, then I dreamt of stuffed mushrooms and I watched a cooking show on television. Oddly though, I had no desire to eat. My mind is processing out why my body isn't asking for these things. I hope I dream about pot roast tonight. Getting in my head what to do for Thanksgiving. My Mom and I are cooking it together, with her in ICU last week and finally out, me out of surgery starting a new life, this is so going to be our blessed holiday this year. After two deaths in the family this year and a close call for my Mom, everything should go up hill from here.
Tomorrow is two weeks out, I am so excited to be two weeks out, one more week of mushy foods. Go me!
My scale this morning said 205.5 but I will not consider that my weight until I am at it for a while.
I am sitting here watching my husband play with his CPap machine and I am thankful that I might get real sleep sooner or later.
Besides that, things are good. I actually don't have much to talk about.
I see the doctor on Thursday and though the weight loss I have had is not drastic it is weight loss. I think part of that is becaue I am hungry and I haven't started exercising yet. I am supposed to be on mushy foods but I am just chewing the crud out of most foods and blending up things like my Chili. Which is more like a pile of meat because I make it super thick.
4oz of my chili is about 23 grams of protein, I even have it as a snack. LOL
I have paperwork to do and such for school and regular crap around the house. I am 205 on the scale today, I am hoping by thanksgiving to be down to Onederland. Time to hit the gym
My son came down with the stomach virus on Thursday. I was doing fine until last night. Luckily most of it is the rear end but I did vomit once. I can not imagine vomitting more than once, I am now sore where the band is. It kind of sucks. I am still able to drink so I don't think it is too swollen or slipped. I just want to say, it sucks. I was going to go to the gym today, but obviously that was out of the question. My daughter and father (whom is disabled and I take care of) are also sick. My daughter vomitted a few times and now she is feeling great. I am still sore though and my belly still doesn't feel right. UGH
Doctor had emergancy surgery so my appointment ended up really late.
I lost ten pound since surgery which they said is awesome.
I am doing well, they are proud of me and one of the girls didn't recognize me. I said, "I didn't loose that much weight yet.
She reminded me that since October 21, 1010 I have lost 19lbs and I should be proud.
I am now on a regular diet and will get my first fill on December 2, 2010.
Last time I posted was on Thursday of last week, talking about seeing my Doctor. Some back story for those who don't know I got a single incision procedure done to my belly button. Well, on Thursday my doctor cleaned it and said everything looked great. Well Friday my belly buttonw as tender, I assumed it was from cleaning until Saturday morning I had a red streak going down my belly button. It was hot to the touch so off to the ER I went.
To my doctors credit, he came in on his day off to see me at the hospital. He reopened the incision (yes I was awake for this and he just used local anethisia on the site) and I held my belly button open as he cut away. He then packed it and said if it didn't start looking better that I had to go back in for surgery. That he wanted me to go back to the ER on Sunday to get the bandage changed again. So Sunday I went and he came in again to do the job. Then on Monday I saw him, I feel like I should have a frequent flyer card or something.
Besides the double antibiotics I am on and feeling nauseous from that, I feel really good. Besides the fact that I am starving and have been wanting comfort foods. Last night I made Home made Pizza for the kids and noodles. Not protein enriched foods huh? I forgave myself and I am still loosing weight somehow even though I am not portioning my foods by the cup fulls. I am eating every two to three hours. I hate starving but I am still loosing weight. I get to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill at least.
So a bump in my road! I will survive and I am glad it is a small bump.
No let me state I do not love ALL things Easter Candy. I do not love Jelly Beans or Marshmellow chicks, what I doooo LOOOOOVVVEEEE is Hollow chocolate. As I sit her and write this I realize I made a very misguided or, perhaps just miscalculated decision, I bought a Hollow Chocolate Easter Bunny. NOw this bunny purchase is not going to put a million pounds back on me, but as the bunny stares at me Mockingly it puts me at a risk of possibly over indulging. Now I promised myself I would be okay to have a little of.... I told myself it would be okay to have a bite of his ear..... Essentially it is but my question is, what is the risk of me devouring the entire bunny in one sitting. Though essentially not the end of the lap band procedure but not the best choice in the world.
The thing that I thought today, and this is faulty food thinking at it's finest is.... "If I eat it all, at least it will be gone and I will not have to worry about eating it later." So in other words I would only have guilt one day and not two. Yah that is a benefit some how? Seriously, why do we put ourselves in situations that test us so early on. Just having had surgery, not even a full 6 months out quite yet, another week, there are a lot of foods that still are foods that make me weak. My comfort foods, Pizza, Chocolate, Chips and Cheese, etc.... I have to know to be smart about these choices and so far, the last few months I have fallen into old habits.
I am stating here in this blog, after Easter, I am making drastic changes. I am also looking into healthier non meat protein sources. My husband will hate me but I do not care, it is about me being authentic and true to me. I really have to make some better choices and I was, but now I have to get back on the bandwagon. Darn you CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY FOR MOCKING ME and for making me realize I need some better foods in my house.
Especially the liquid portion of the diet. It is important to share what it is I am taking in, if I can stomach it and so that others might find comfort in foods that are good or bad. That they can try as alternative proteins.
First is Myoplex Lite, 20g of protein in 11oz of fluid, drinking 3 of theses is half of my fluid intake. It is okay but gets monotonous. It isn't gritty or too thick so goes down well. I try to drink this three times a day but that might not happen today. Need to switch it out.
Wonder Slim (Bariatricchoice.com) Strawberry shake, can also be made into pudding, I believe it is 15 grams of protein, so that is good. It takes like Nestle strawberry mix. A tiny bit gritty so maybe next time I need colder water and to let it sit a bit.
Bariwise HotCocoa with Marshmallows (Bariatricchoice.com) This doesn't taste exactly like hot cocoa, but it fills the sweet void and covers for something different to drink. I believe it is 10-15 grams of protein. Well with in the sugar and calorie allowance for drinks. YAH
I have more drinks to taste, I have also been cooking up chicken bullion or similar items, soup broth and eating that. 5 grams of protein and just a different flavor. Nice and easy to go down.
Right now I am craving salty things so trying to behave and not cheat. Last night I did suck on a piece of cheese from the Pizza my son got. I spit out the cheese and did not even put the crust in my mouth. Just for the flavor. I was satisfied with that.
I know the liquid diet is to heal the stomach but I know I can get some mushy foods in there. LOL
I haven't been to the gym in over a year. Going to the gym a year ago is what prompted me to look into the lap bad because I was putting on muscle but the fat was sticking around, no matter how well I ate and how much I exercised. So today I got to the gym and reminded myself I couldn't start where I left off. So I went on the Treadmill and it killed my knees and hips but I pushed through the discomfort. I wasn't in PAIN I just felt loose everywhere. I did 20 minutes on the weight loss setting. My legs were wobbly and then I had to walk back and forth to my car twice because I forgot my daughters coat. LOL She loved playing with the other kids and wants to go back tomorrow so she will be my motivation to go to the gym so she can play with the kids. Very thankful for them watching the little ones which will let Alexanderia get much needed interaction with other children.
I am thankful to be holding steady with weight and not putting on weight despite the fact that I have no restriction and no exercise.
Onward, my wound seems to be healing pretty fast now.
Well, today is officially day five.
I slept too flat last night and now my chest is killing me, it is taking forever to burp out the pain. I miss sleeping on my belly. I miss that sooo much. If I tried that now I would scream and cry.
So I have been drinking a 160z bottle of water daily and most of the rest that I drink is protein rich.
Yesterday was Myoflex, wonderslim chocolate shake with a banana, Wonderslim Gran Grabe cold drink, broth, milk, and, well something else I can't remember. Oh and I licked a chocolate covered cherry. I bought them for my Dad and they are a favorite. I don't tend to over indulge in such things even before banding, but I wanted a taste of the chocolate and cherry. It is a almost a holiday tradition in my house.
Well, I am off, I am going to go to the grocery store today by myself. Still can't get my stupid pants on because of the bloat and sensitivity. Will try something else today. Good news is the weight is starting to finally show on the scale.
I check myself every am before I eat or drink. That is the only way to have a accurate fortelling, is to check the same time and place every day. Do I need the scale to prove weight loss, normally no, but right now because I am still bloated, yes, it is reminding me that my body is changing.
Day 6: It is starting off slowly....
First day home alone with the two and a half year old princess of a daughter.
Last night I didn't sleep well and went to bed way to late. I tried to elevate myself a lot more to prevent the pain in my chest from gas when I wake up. This morning was much better, just minus the waking up due to lack of comfort. What made me very upset is waking up to the sound of ice and snow pelting the window. Why? You may ask.
My son had to bring his project to school today. So this meant I knew I had to drive him. This also meant I had to wake up the 2 and a half year old princess. Which I did, to her dismay. I had to carry her 28lb body down to the car and get her into the car seat that was in the middle of the back seat. Oh so not easy, but I feel okay and not like I pulled anything. Mind you I had to carry her back into the house. She doesn't have snow boots yet and would not have been able to walk.
That being said, I made my own spreadsheet for tracking purpose. I like the one that the doctor gave me but I wanted to make my own that was more all inclusive, this way I can be sure to not only track fluid and protein, but have a place to check off my vitamin supplements so that I remember.
I am feeling okay, down 5lbs since surgery. So one week, 5lbs, that is what my doctor said I should be doing. AND I cheated, I sucked out the center of a chocolate covered cherry. Ouuu, and I have been eating mushy carrots with mushed chicken. IN fact to day I am going to buy some chicken and make my own chicken soup for the mushy phase fast approacing.
Much love to all.
Weight loss has slowed way down, I have also not made it to the gym. After the stomach virus and other ailments, then being super busy. UGH.... The good news is weight loss is still weight loss. I have been, unfortunately putting weight on and then taking it off. LOL
The good news is I am now in a size 16, I haven't been there in nearly 8-10 years.
I know what I need to do and I will get back on track. I haven't been drinking my fluids and I have NOT been exercising like I should. I have a lot of self motivation I have to rebuild up. Things happen and I always try to say that it isn't my fault, but me not going to the gym is totally my fault. I am doing four classes a semester with college and I am making excuses why I can't get to the gym. Then I sit on the computer and talk to people. LOL SO whose fault is it that I am not at the gym? MINE
So getting off here now to get myself motivated again. I have to drink more, (I am now onto herbal teas for variety and make it a goal to drink water first thing in the morning, afternoon and evening before meals) and not snack. I would love to feel full all the time but I get so gassy since this surgery about 2-3 hours after I eat that I have to put something else in my stomach. I think I just need to start putting an antacid in there. LOL
Hope you are all doing well.
This journey is a roller coaster but I am still enjoying the ride. I will get to the end, for now I just have to hang on.
Celeste
PS The hair loss is also depressing me, I have a nearly bald spot, most people say they do not notice it but it is a glaring shiney head. I can see it and I don't like it.
Every day I step on the scale my son comes to see my results. Well today I am 210.5 and he is soooo excited for me. He is jumping around going woohoo. IT's OUR birthday he said. I laughed. He keeps me inspired I tell you.
So today I am going to have to go out again. My son is with me so he is going to help with Alexanderia. He gets his B-day off. Will let you all know how my day goes.
So today brought about a new challenge.... The running around like a chicken with my head cut off challenge and being able to slowly introduce mushy foods challenge.
So I headed out of the house at 10ish with my son. I stopped at GNC because I wanted to try to find the IsoPure drinks. I showered and grabbed myself my protein drink and a bottle of water. I forced down the shake like I have never forced a shake before. LOL I got the drink and a Jello supplement that was high in Protein, no sugar and low in whatever else had to be low. (Exhaustion is currently my middle name.) So we then went to Game Stop and then Chucky Cheese. We were there three hours. I forgot to buy myself a water so I got a few sips of Alexanderias 100% apple juice box, just a few sips and they kids had Pizza. I had 5 small bites, which I chewed to the point of liquid mush in my mouth. I was fading fast. Left there and stopped and got the kids McDonalds and stopped to visit my mother. At which point I drank the IsoPure 40grams of protein drink. I now officially had 60 grams of protein in my. Good job Celeste, but I was still super hungry.
We got in the car and I promised my son we could go to Bertuccis for his Birthday dinner. The bread came out and I took two small pieces of the inside and dunked them in the oil, chewed them until they disolved in my mouth. I had ordered my usual (because I figure I can puree it) Balsmic Chicken with Green Beans (Double order, I LOVE veggies). I took less then pea size pieces of chicken and chewed and chewed and chewed and chewed and well I chewed longer then I have ever chewed before. Again, being sure it was puree consistency before I swallowed. No fluids either, I was good about that. I mean, I don't carry a blencer with me so I had to do something.
When I got home I was ultimately proud of myself for making good choices and that were fairly healthy. The Pizza there was no other choice other then salad and that is a no no. So all in all, I made my mouth the blender. I DO NOT think I got enough fluids and I have honestly been feeling fatiqued all day. I keep feeling big blood sugar drops and it sucks.
So lessons learned....
1. Do NOT forget your water
2. Carry protein something on you
3. If going with the kids somewhere and they are getting Pizza be sure NOT to be hungry. he he
4. Don't forget to take time to feed yourself, no matter how small the amount, something to help keep up your energy. You need a constant energy source, not just a quick burst of energy like with Carbs. So protein needs to be spaced through out the day better.
Even with the protein spaced out pretty well, I am still feeling pretty tired, no matter how much I sleep. This is a concern I am going to call the doctor about if it continues.
Off to take my vitamins. Rest well my friends.
Yesterday was a horrible day food wise, read the blog. I didn't spread out my proteins at all. I put on a half a pound. I am really still exhausted today and trying to get my protein down.
Seeing as I can have mushy foods I think I am going to make eggs today. These protein shakes are taking a lot out of me.
I am having horrible fatique episodes and feel kind of dizzy most of the day. I am trying to put proteins in every 2 to 3 hours, in fact I watch the clock. I am sad that I put on that half a pound. I think it was just lack of fluids yesterday. I hardly peed, so back to the drawing board.
Pump my fluids up and keep with my protein shakes and some little mushy things. Thinking of you all going through this with me. I am just HATING this dizzy feeling for the last two days.:scared2:
I had my first fill, it was a little weird, but okay otherwise. Made me gassy. I am now trying to get down a protein shake.
SO anyone who is following knows how aggrevated I was with the infection and delay in going to the gym.
Well I took out my frustration on gym equipment for the last week. Last Thursday I was 207.8 and today I was 203.8. Four pounds in a week from living on the eliptical machine four days a week. I LOVE YOU ELIPTICAL EVEN IF MY MUSCLES hurt.
Monday I have training on the weights. So things are looking up for me, finally.
So my goal of being under 200lbs for my birthday looks much more attainable.
SOOOOO My updates are not fantabulous but some new things have come about.
I now have a strange lump on my neck by my skull, hoping it is a cyst of some sort.
Every time I eat I get severe sharp pains on my left side under my ribs and I am concerned.
Besides that.... GUESS WHAT>>>
I am thinner than I was six months ago and hoping to keep going.
Celeste
Short and sweet, and no one thought I could do that!
Hey there fellow nuts. I ended up helping a friend at her holistic fair today, in order to prep, I hate a shake in the morning and bought an Isopure to keep my protein up. I didn't get home until 5:30 and got some of my chili and chewed it well. Probably not enough but I did my best, seeing as I was starving. I must make a note that eating when super hungry should not be done.
I am glad to keep fluids up though. So that was good.
Oh and about this TMI topick Bowels? Mine are still not working right. I need to take something. Nearly 11 days post op you would think things would be moving right. UGH, I think if I could use the bathroom I might loose 3 pounds!
