I am out of size 24, 22, 20 jeans. Well the 20s I will still wear with a belt. I am so thrilled to have bought two size 18 jeans at a high end consignment shop and they fit. They fit perfectly, I do not even have to suck in at all. I am sooo thrilled. I am soooo freaking thrilled but very sad that the gym will most likely be closed tomorrow due to bad weather. I feel so good though, I think I was size 18 when I met my husband.
I thought I had another infection starting in my belly button so I went to my Doctors. I got put on the scale and was down to 199. The doctor is so thrilled with me. He asked me what I was doing and I said, "I work out five times a week, just the elipitical and sometimes weights." I am so thrilled because I wanted to reach this by my birthday January 5. I am feeling great, though I think I need a good massage. LOL
I can't wait to get into smaller pants soon. So exciting AND even better, I have no infections, just a surface infection, nothing to worry about. SOOOO HAPPY. All of the working out is paying off.
Dear Blog, (and anyone that reads)
Today I woke up and took my levothyroxine with 6oz of water per the usual. I waited my hour and took my protein shake. I nearly threw up. I just am starting to have a hard time with the shakes and think it is more psychosamatic then anything wrong with the shakes.
So blog, if you could please have a talk with my mind and body, explain the rules, I would be appreciative because they are not listening to me.
Dear Mind and Body,
It has become evident that there have been some big changes. Stomach lets start with you. You have officially been married to the entire body. You see that ring around you? That is to remind you how important you are. How important it is for you to feel full, stay full and digest food so that the rest of the body and mind can stay healthy. We apologize as the ring will get tighter until you get to a point that you understand this job completely, once reached we will stop squeezing, promise. Enjoy the liquids and not having to work too hard on digesting, you almost get a little mini vacation. Imagine the warm liquids like the warm sun on you, with the waves rushing by. Relax stomach, things will be better.
On to you mind. Poor stomach is trying to accept the new roll that was placed on them and you have to go make it difficult. The protein shakes and meals that stomach needs to help body are neccessary and will help stomach be more helpful to you and body. If you do not allow stomach to take in and digest these elements you will become nothing but a pile of mush and body won't have the energy to even pick up that book and read. Celeste won't be able to let you complete your school work, so stop and enjoy the protein, imagine it's a piece of filet mignion. Thanks.
Oh and Body, a few more weeks and you will start feeling and seeing the difference. Put faith in stomach and tell the mind to shut up and all should be good. Now I know you have always had a pretty light gag reflex but you need to get that under control for just a few more weeks. You are doing great. Oh and Body, yes it was normal to get so tired after grocery shopping in a wholesale club, those places are huge. So rest easy you are doing well.
Much love,
The Blog that has to listen to all the complaints about you guys not listening!
Dear Blog,
Thank you for the letter, I can not be sure that the notes will help this system to work together, but I can hope.
Love,
C
:cursing:
I realize that getting this band, often times people say, "this is the wasy way out." It isn't really. Sure it helps with the weight loss but if you don't learn to gain control of what it is that got you to this point, or your connection to food, you set yourself up for failure. One must truly be committed to understanding if they were an over eater and why, or what it is that makes them want that chocolate shake on the way home from work every day. Getting this procedure only ensures weight loss and only for a short period of time. We can stretch out our pouch, we can eat the wrong foods and become super unhealthy. We need to really focus on the why I eat what I eat portion of this.
I have hypothyroidism and PCOS, though food isn't what brought me to banding, as much as my medical issues. As I sit around thinking about what I am going through I question myself, how much of me is going to miss having those brownies when I am PMSing. How am I going to fill the void? Why is it when people tell me I can't have something I want it more? Self evaluation for self control.
This journey isn't easy, but neccessary.
I am thrilled to say today I turn 35.
I have been to the gym every day except for three when I was sick and I take weekends off. The gym makes me feel so good, my smaller pants make me feel so good.
WE are going out to dinner tonight and the thought of not having to cook makes me happy.
I am so thrilled to feel this good and have this much energy.
My only troublesome thing is it has been two months since surgery and I still get pains on my left side and sometimes the right side. It can be quite painful and I am not enjoying that at all.
I have been away because I haven't had much to post. Still going to the gym, trying to stay healthy, eat right, though I have had a few bad things, but I call the treats. I really do go to the gym 5 days a week and if I only make it 3 I do not beat myself up. I think all in all I need another fill because I can still eat the same amount almost as before. Though food sometimes gets stuck. I just don't want the amounts to be so small that I can not keep up with my protein.
Oh and hair loss? Any tips to helping with that, my protein is on target so not sure why the loss of hair.
I seriously want to bang my head against the wall. I am waiting for the gym membership paper to go through so I can join. It is a process because the lady who handles it is busy on a project. The weather hasn't been very nice here so walking any great distance is not happening.
The more I sit around the more I want to eat things like Pumpkin Pie. I am going to be making myself a bunch of sugar free snacks to have in the house. Truth is I am still in that soooo hungry phase. I seem to be loosing weight every other day at this point. I hope my doctor isn't too disappointed in me for not loosing a ton of weight.
I am trying to keep my body filled with high protein foods. This is why I made more Chili, I just throw it in the food processor before I warm it up.
My bowels are still super messed up and will talk to the Doctor about that tomorrow. I am super exhausted and think I need to start counting calories just as much as I need to start focusing on proteins. Seriously, exhausted.
I WANT TO GO TO THE GYM!!!! That is all.
It is funny, going through this process I was totally okay with not loosing quickly. I understood that everyone looses at their own rate and that it is a journey, I need to make adjustments based on my body. Then you get here and you are like, "Why the heck is the scale jumping around all over the freaking place." I have resorted back to a protein shake during the day to increase my protein and to get myself back on track. I am starving and was eating a packet of Cream of Wheat and that is something my body does not like.
That is one thing I am learning very quickly, carbs do nothing for me but put on weight. So no more mashed potatoes and bread. I need the fiber though so will talk to the doctor today about fiber supplements. I am nervous about seeing the doctor today, what if there scales make it look even worse.
Sigh, it will get better and my doctor will be thrilled that I am honest and self aware enough to know what I am doing wrong.
I WANT TO GO TO THE GYM!
That is all.
My name is Celeste. I have been battling the bulge for ten years now. After a long time of diet and exercise only causing me to gain weight I thought I was hopeless. I went to my OBGYN for my yearly check up and mentioned the Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome and asked if there was a way to help control the weight. He looked down and frowned a bit, "the only thing I have seen help people loose weight in this situation is banding." The next day I went about looking at the surgery details. I think that was in May or June, everything has blurred together now.
I was suddenly at the end of a six month journey and was told, "you are approved, we can do surgery November 2, 2010." I quickly accepted and jumped on board. This is what I wanted after all, wasn't it?
With no second thoughts about what the procedure could help me with I agreed. As I got closer the fear of going under hit me. Like a ton of bricks, to the point I had a panic attack in the OR. Nothing a little bit of drugs couldn't help with I suppose. The Anesthesiologist said to me, "you have to be sure you want this procedure done or I won't put you out." I looked at him and said, "I have to be sure you are going to wake me up." He nodded and off I went.
My doctor, Doctor Gedeon of Bristol told me he was going to do the surgery a new way. With one incision in the belly button. It is less invasive and because I was skinny it would work. So when I woke up I was thrilled to see no wholes in me. YAH! I was feeling pretty good as a general rule. I was only suffering gas pains. I went from 11:30am (the time I finally woke up) until 8:30 that evening with out pain meds. I got up and walked twice at that point. From that point on I walked whenever I could.
Of course with all the IV fluids I had to pee a million times, thus not sleeping that well. I rested most of the day dozing on and off as it was. When it came around to the morning time I was needing pain meds every 5-6 hours and honestly, I was allowed them every two hours. The nurses said how strong I was to be so determined and self reliant. In the morning they carted me down to do my swallow test, ouuu that was disgusting tasting but not the worst. The x-ray technician that took an X-ray of my stomach said to me, "you had lap band, but your so skinny." I laughed, in the last ten plus years of my life I have never been called skinny.
My doctor is great, I love the staff. They are very good and gave me great guidelines to live by. Once on solids only eat 1/4 cup at a time. Eat all your proteins first and make sure they are solid proteins. One does not want to add the extra calories of liquid protein once on solid foods unless it is a case of needing a carry along meal. Vitamins will be my new best friend and my doctor expects my weight to drop pretty fast. He read the review from the Psychologist and the guy said, "motivated and determined to not just loose fat, but life a healthier life style. She doesn't appear to have food attachments and looks to be ready to stop letting her health control her life." He said he had never seen such a glowing review from the Psychologist, but here I am digressing.
I am now home, day one, my two and a half year old has already tried to jump on me. She knows something is wrong and doesn't know how to approach me, but is giving me lots of kisses. My ten year old is thrilled to see that I am "alive" and well. He is being gentle and loving and trying to help out with his sister as much as possible. My husband is taking on all the duties of a husband and helping out with everything. I am uncomfortable today and in a decent amount of pain. My last dose of pain meds was 11:30 and I took another dose at 5:30. I want to remember that there is pain so that I do not push myself too hard and get hurt. If I forget I have limitations I know I will hurt myself. Trying to force down some broth and protein shake. It's a slow go but I do not want to get sick from trying to drink this stuff.
I read somewhere some people say they were dreaming of food after. I AM TOO!!! I dreamt of a nice crisp salad, then I dreamt of stuffed mushrooms and I watched a cooking show on television. Oddly though, I had no desire to eat. My mind is processing out why my body isn't asking for these things. I hope I dream about pot roast tonight. Getting in my head what to do for Thanksgiving. My Mom and I are cooking it together, with her in ICU last week and finally out, me out of surgery starting a new life, this is so going to be our blessed holiday this year. After two deaths in the family this year and a close call for my Mom, everything should go up hill from here.
If my doctor knew that the visiting nurses hasn't called me today to set up the wound care he would be mad, this infection could spread with out proper care. I am upset because I found another infected area. UGH I popped it and cleaned it out really hoping it doesn't get worse. I am still taking my infection meds so hopefully it will all be okay. However Sulfer is disgusting! LOL
As far as everything else in life, it is good. I went to the support meeting tonight with the bariatric group. It is always nice to hear positive stories and those who are struggling and what they are going through and offer support.
Overall I am feeling really good, believe it or not. The infection is more a bump in the road rather than a huge issue right now. If I need another surgery, well that will be more of an issue wouldn't it.
Trying to remain positive. The weight is still coming off so that is good. Being on solids with no restriction has been a challenge.
I am loosing weight, but every time I step on the scale I am expecting to put weight back on, or be at a dead stop. I lost 5 lbs when I had the stomach virus and gained 3lbs back and freaked out. I totally hate that part of the mentality. The expecting that this is all the weight I am going to loose or it is going to come all back at once. Like one morning I am going to wake up and be a size 18 and then the next morning I am going to be a 24. It is a challange to get rid of clothes that no longer fit because I keep thinking, "what if I get fat again?" Truth is, I am only going to gain the weight back if I forget that this is a life time journey and I can't go back to the way I was or I will. Truth is, I am just baffled and amazed that I can not accept that I have lost this weight. I have gone from a 24-18 and the nurse at the office thinks I will be in a 14 by the end of January. Really, how is that possible?
I should recognize that it isn't JUST the band that brought me this far. The band hardly has any restriction right now. It is a lot of hard work on my part. I am careful what I eat and I am exercising my butt literally off. I have lost inches and I should be proud, not fearful that it is all coming back. It is really silly isn't it?
When you are overweight and spend years yo yoing with your weight up and down and down and up and over and up and,....... Well you understand, when you keep having these moments, it's like, "Hey, what if the same thing happens again." Truthfully one of the only ways it can go back to the way it was is if A. WE allow it to or B. We have something medically not working for us. With the band for once in our lives we can be in control of our destiny.
I came across some challenges today. It was an interesting I wasn't expecting some of the challenges. One was in the afternoon I kept falling asleep. I took an nap and was fine, woke up at 5 and then fell asleep again at midnight.
I first laid down on my left side, then woke up to pee and thought I would try to sleep on my right side. HUGE mistake! My port site was so sore I couldn't move at 5am this morning. My husband helped me get up and walk it out. I then propped myself up with pillows and slept on my back until 8:30.
I was making my son Popcorn with butter last night and I wanted to take a bite. I always eat a few pieces and give him the rest. I was thinking how good it smells and then thought of eating it and how awful it would be.
A few muscle spasms this morning, took my Levothyroxine and now I am resting. My daughter keeps wanting me to pick her up. The doctor said no lifting 10lbs for two weeks. I am doing my best.
My incision is leaking a bit. NOt sure if this is normal. I am going to take a shower and then dry the incision site. Still gassy and hoping that goes away soon. Right now I am glad I live and take care of my disabled father because the handlebars around the toliet have been so helpful and I think that the shower chair will be nice.
Feeling okay, a little painful, trying to get one bottle of water down and I can't eat for an hour after my levothyroxine so then I will try to get some protein down.
Tues 7:30am, Wed 7:30am 1st 24 hours
Wed 7:30am, Thurs 7:30am 2nd 24 hours
Thurs 7:30am, Fri 7:30am 3rd 24 hours
Fri 7:30am, Sat 7:30am 4th 24 hours
Why am I posting this? To keep myself in line. It feels like forever and I am only 4 days out post op. Of course I am still going to have pain and discomfort. Of course I probably haven't lost weight yet as the swelling isn't completely down.
My sister-in-law sent me a get well card in instead of saying, get well she said "get skinny." It made me chuckle.
Yesterday I was laughing as my daughter was going to sleep she said, "Daddy got a stinky butt, mommy got boo boo belly, dogs no shu up! Baby needs to lay down go ni ni. Lay down baby lay down." I was in a barrel laugh and let me tell you that hurt.
I took no pain meds yesterday at all and don't plan on taking any today. I should be good. I am in a lot of burning pain but I think that is muscle healing. Trying to follow directions to the best of my ability.
Planning Thanksgiving dinner is giving me something to look forward to. I am making dinner with my mother and I am excited. It is our old family dinner. Only thing I am going to miss is Pop Overs because I am going to only be on a mush diet. I am going to bring my little blender for the Turkey. I will take one little bite of the stuffing. I will freeze a portion of the meal for later.
I am feeling really good right now. Feeling aggrevated that I can't eat yet. I know it is for healing purposes though. One day at a time. One day at a time.
Celeste
It has been tough, in a way I didn't expect. I never really cared much about food, I just didn't. I always ate because I had to. Sometimes I wouldn't have breakfast until noon, and dinner at 6 and a snack at 10pm. Since being told I can't eat, I find I am watching the clock more to be sure I get the proper supplements in. It is crazy, I am such a free spirit, being a clock watcher makes me nuts, and I get hungry fairly quickly but that is what happens when you are on liquids still.
So here is how I used to eat, I used to just pick. I would make my daughter a sandwich and wait for her to finish what she was going to eat and then eat the rest. That way I am not wasting food and having a smaller portion. I also tend to pick. So today while making my daughter her lunch I gave her chips and with out thinking popped a small piece in my mouth and chewed. NO NO NO I said, not good for you. I also made her green beans and masticated the crud out of them and swallowed. Then tonight, my MIL, she is so sweet, gave me some home made chicken soup. So I took the chicken and carrots, I purreed them into a liquid form, added them back to the stock and then heated it up. Best liquid protein I have had all week.
It is hard to cook for everyone else and not be able to partake in the meal. I have stuff for alfredo so I will make a chicken alfredo for the family on Wednesday. I can't do it tomorrow, tomorrow is my sons 10th Birthday and I am taking him out to Bertuccis. I of course will be drinking water with lemon and lime while he eats Pizza. I told my husband I want to order a meal for when I can eat.
I am still feeling gassy and took my daughter out today and was in so much pain I actually got the sweats. I think it was from all the bending in and out of the car. She is slightly over the limit I am supposed to lift. So I do the lift with the legs and there is very littel strain, most of the strain is bending in the car to buckle her and unbuckle her.
That being said, I feel pretty good, my hubby is going to get me sugar free ice cream. Is that on the list? I can't find my list. LOL I will have to look it all back up. Let's pretend it is on the list.... Also, off to the gym tomorrow to drop off the application and $20.00 and I can start going, as soon as I get better control of my bowels. Those are still off and sometimes to nearly disasterous results.
I looked in the mirror today and said, "I love you enough to realize you want to loose weight to be healthy. I know you well enough to know that part of you thinks it would be cook to be skinny. I have heard you say so many times that you will not back down from a challange and you never have, so put on those boxing gloves and tell those old habits of picking to take a hike." Yah didn't neccessarily work today but there is tomorrow.
I need to meditate and concentrate on my Reiki principles and refocus my energy. Speeking of Reiki, I did it on my son today, (it is an energy work for those that don't know. Yes I am a holistic, new age, hippy girl) and he was so happy. He said, "I don't know how when you place your hands on my head I hear humming energy." He is such a sweet boy.
Speaking of boy, OH BOY am I rambling. Off to bed, tomorrow, school work, school work, and the day of Brandon.
I have been gone, busy with school work and the gym. When I went to the doctors previously I was 207.8, then after the infection episode, a little over a week. I was still at 207.8. My scale said 205.5 but I will follow the doctors. At the gym last week I was 208 ish with them and now I am 206.5, so that is progress. I am just annoyed I am not loosing inches. I am still waiting on my first fill which will be Thursday December 9, 2010, so wish me luck with that. I knew this would be a slow journey, I just didn't think I would be at such a snails pace. I think that first huge initial weight loss gets you all excited and then when you are starving for three weeks and trying to eat well and then can't exercise, it is annoying. Now that I am exercising hopefully the weight will come off even though I can not do the weights quite yet. I wanted to be down under 200 lbs by my Birthday and just not sure that is going to happen. My birthday is January 5, 2010. Only like four weeks away.
1. How much weight do you want to loose?
2. Are you doing this to be skinny?
3. What is your favorite food you can't eat anymore?
4. Are you allowed to eat anything good?
(Seriously, of course, all in moderation.)
5. Why would you do this to your body? (Why would I stay fat? Which is more damaging you moron, both have risks, this option was actually considerably less.)
6. Won't you just gain the weight back? (Sure if I go back to old habits or carb load, but with the SUPPORT of friends I will be fine!)
7. Did you try diet and exercise first? (DUH? Of course, you have to.)
8. Are you ever going to be able to eat real food again? (Nope, just mushy cat food the rest of my life. Do you really think I would have done this if I could never eat REAL food again?)
Feel free to add your questions that have annoyed you! LOL:eek:
So I switch to mushy foods, and I am eating only mushy foods like protein, which I either blend or masticate until it's nothing. I am not drinking with my food. So why is it that I put weight back on? I think it is time to go for a long walk with the kids today. The problem is the muscles in my stomach still get sore.
I am a little sad, most people loose like 20-30lbs at this time but it appears my body is going into starvation mode and just storing my food to fat. Is that even possible? Dropping my $20 and application off at the gym and tonight, it is eliptical time.
Does anyone know if it is safe to take Senna laxative, I have had loose bowels and now constipated. I was expecting this because of my IBS history, any suggestions?
I love to write about how I am doing. It just gives me pause first thing in the morning to think about what needs to be done. Then in the evening it gives me pause to reflect on what I did do and how I might improve my following day. Writing about it gives me something to look back at.
Good news, my scales battery is going, which means the readings are all over the place, first thing this morning it said 207.5 that would be down 2 lbs, I stepped on it twice and got the same reading, then 30 minutes later I wanted to show my hubby the good news and it came up to 211.5 and then the Lo batter light started flashing. So I am thinking the 207.5 is correct. Seeing as I was 209 two days ago.
I don't know why I enjoy stepping on the scale every moring. Just knowing that I am loosing something, because right now, the surgery is still sort of surreal. It's not like I feel anything around my gut, ya know. So it is just odd to me that this could even be working. I sort of just feel like I am on some weird diet. I know once the restrictions start to come in play it will be different.
Well I am off to get some Cream of Wheat and dthen bring my protein with me along on this crazy busy day. Wishing you all the best.
What is the best thing about the band for you? Besides the weight loss? I mean, after a while do you even realize it's there? Does it just become a habit change, little to no thought goes into it? I wonder and I am hoping so!
The doctor wants to do another fill today. I am debating because since the 3cc I am loosing weight. I do get hungry but it is usually my fault. I have lost appx 5lbs since my last visit. I just can't see getting a fill, I would like to give it two more weeks. What would you do?
I have been going to the gym faithfully five days a week. I take Saturday and Sunday off. I do weights on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I think that is enough, I do want to go Saturdays and Sundays too but I think at some point the gym becomes another unhealthy obsession so I am reminding myself that it is okay to rest my body.
Yesterday my daughter had friends over and we had all kinds of snacks out. I didn't eat one thing, I was soooo proud of myself. I am working hard at loosing this weight. No snacks right now for me.
I feel good and think I will be moving down to a size 18 soon. That means I am not too far off from a size 16 and that thrills me to no end. I haven't been a sixteen in probably 8-9 years.
I am working hard at this, this isn't, "band in, miracle cure" sort of thing, I am literally working my butt off. At the gym I work off between 270-450 in calories depending on how long I stay and going about two miles a day at the gym. I hope to keep myself in this mind set. I know sometimes it can be hard, there are days that the personality kicks in and I think, "One day off is okay." However, it is that exact thought that leads to the next day off and the next day off. I did one of my out loud moments that I am known for and I growled at the weights. The guy next to me laughed and I looked at him and was like, "was that out loud?" He nodded and I kind of shrugged. He looked at me and said, "I think that some days too." I looked at him and he was fit, tone and muscular and I said, "Does it get easier once you are fit?" He shook his head, "No, it's the same thing. You have to remind yourself that in order to maintain this, you have to keep at it." I growled again and he laughed.
7 months ago, when I started this journey, if you asked me how much I thought Exercise would play in this, I would honestly tell you, just a little. I mean I figured three days a week at the gym and smaller meals should be enough. Well, for some it might be, however, EXERCISE plays such a huge roll in all of this. I had a day off yesterday due to the terrible weather, so here I am today, went back to the gym and I thought, "Wow I missed this." Since going to the gym I have started loosing the inches. Sure weight coming off is nice but I want to loose the inches. The inches make a huge difference, it makes you feel better to see the clothing sizes going down. The thing that keep me motivated is the gym and keeps me drinking my fluids. I just feel better, who would have thought it would have become such an addiction 4 weeks out.
Funny thing about blogging and posting updates is life catches up with you sometimes. I have been so busy with school work, the children, etc, that I forgot I even had an account here.
So here is where I am, BMI is about 36, 9 more points to get to 25, 20 would be my ideal. 186, yah me!
OKAY SO THE STORY: This is where I post something inspirational....
So I was thinking yesterday about all that has happened since my surgery. I went in for surgery saying that my weight was just caused my medical situations and I am finding out more and more that part of my problem really is FOOD. I LOVE FOOD and the flavors of certain foods. In fact if they could just add some fiber and protein to Dove chocolate, I might live off of it. So here is some thoughts on food.
1. Food tastes good, if it didn't we wouldn't eat.
2. Humans are over indulgent as a general rule. We love "things", many people want nice cars, houses, clothes, shoes, purses, etc. Imagine for a moment if we lived in a society where we had just what we needed. A roof over our heads, clothing hand made, gardens, etc. What would happen if we had just what we needed and couldn't run to the grocery store and buy crap.
3. Prepackaged foods are cheaper and easier for us as we work late hours and rush around. Why not grab those instant potatoes? Have you ever really thought about how much time it really saves you as you load yourself, your family and even your children with sodium. yummers NOT
4. What is most important in our lives, we need to set priorities right?
Since loosing this 50lbs I walk my son to school in the morning, even though he is on a bus route and shouldn't walk, we also walk home. I play outside with my ten year old son and the kids, running around with swords and having a blast. I appreciate food more and I am trying to learn to add in what I love in a smart and intelligent way. I am altering my children's lives, they do not get candy filled easter baskets or stockings stuffed with junk. Everything given to them is thoughtful and not a "FOOD" source. It is amazing how much we feed our children.
Here are some examples how psychologically we are wired to eat just for enjoyment:
1. Potty training, "if you do good you get an M&M".
2. Rewards, "if you get all A's you can go to your favorite restaurant."
3. The idea of ice cream when you are sad.
4. Babies, they are crying, you don't know for what so you just keep feeding them, thus they are being wired to believe that the bottle, or a breast, or whatever, which is food, is used to comfort.
If this surgery has taught me one thing and one thing only it is, that many people suffer from issues with food. Huge issues, small issues, why in the world are we giving children gum, lollipops and ice cream, why start them there? Explain to me why we feel the need to load cheese on everything we eat?
Oh and it isn't just the eating, we gain weight, get fat, get depressed, don't get out and do things. Like walking with our kids, or playing or running or swimming, or or or or or.... We hide which thus makes us eat more.
The more I am home the more I pick at food. We as humans are not supposed to sit all day. Evolution has brought us into this comfort zone of boredom and what happens is this, we are naturally hunters and gatherers, leave us in one place too long with an unoccupied mind, we are going to hunt and gather something for our stomach.
Water is our best friend, random I know but if you are going to hunt and gather something, make it water.
We need to admit our failures to everyone, if I eat an entire chocolate easter bunny, I NEED TO ADMIT IT, because once I try to hide it, I am showing signs of an addict because if I feel that I need to hide the food then I am feeling guilty about eating it. Be honest wtih yourself and most of all
FORGIVE
IT is important to forgive ourselves for food slips and lack of exercise and just start new every day. We don't know what kind of day we are going to have but if we try to plan out our weeks and try and be smart about our food choices in advance, that way if we fall off, we have the right tools to get right back up again.
Now go take a walk or something. he he
I made the number one error for bandsters, do not wait too long to eat. Do not wait until the point you are ready to chew off your hand. I ended up not chewing something as well as I thought I did and ended up making friends with the porcelin bowl. My friend, the bowl, a friend I don't want to visit again soon. It hurt but I went back and finished my meal darnit.
First of all the nurse that did my wound care was nice but wasn't following protocol. Oh well, will make sure the nurse does it right this weekend. Second of all I think I found another location that is becoming infected. I don't know what to do about it, well I do know, but I don't want to go to the Doctors and get put under, nor do I feel like having myself put through the local and a scalpel again. I keep thinking, maybe there is a way I can clear it before I have to suffer through more.
Though I am appreciating the way the lap band is helping me, I am also very frustrated because I am not dropping any sizes. The weight is coming off but the clothing size is staying the same. I am agitated because I can not actually go to the gym and start toning. UGH, I just need a break.
I only had pain meds three times yesterday. Once when I woke up at like 3 am and slept on the wrong side. Once in the afternoon and just before bed. I feel pretty good today and am not taking any pain meds. I am going to try to get up, shower and go get myself some new sneakers for the gym, and maybe get my hubby to buy me some new work out clothes. he he
Other then that, I am a little sore today, nothing more then when my trainer one time pushed me to the point of nearly tears. I had to take advil for three days just to go to work. LOL So it isn't any worse than that. I am feeling, overall, really good. Just hungry. I am getting my protein in and sharing the wealth by making my hubby try everything I am drinking. My doctor said if I want to start mushy foods seven days out that I could start that, I will of course call him first.
Looking forward to the last of the gas to be gone soon. Don't think I have lost any weight yet, but I am not in a rush. I just want to get through the post op gas crap and then move forward to the eating better foods and exercising part!
I think we all have different reasons for being here. Some people have eating issues. Some people, no matter what they do they gain weight or can't get it off. Some people have medical conditions that cause them to gain weight, or they are on certain meds that caused them to gain weight and they can't get it off.
I think that it is important to not assume that everyone has eating issues. It is important to not assume everyone has a medical condition.
For people who have eating issues, I have a friend going through this, the battle with food is constant and it's hard. It isn't anything that is easy and a surgery like this isn't going to solve the problem alone. Therapy and other follow up care is usually needed. My poor girlfriend who is struggling with eating issues is working hard to correct her relationship with food and decided that she is going to get surgery to help with the weight loss now. Her relationship is starting to turn around thanks to therapy and so she is planning on the surgery. I constantly offer her support and sometimes she lets me know what her food plans are for the day.
For me, one of my guiltiest things is eating out. I put on most of my weight when I was in my 20's. I had money to burn and instead of cooking I ate out a lot. I had a gym membership when I had a good job and I lost a great deal of weight that I put on. I got pregnant with my son and things went down hill. The company I worked for closed, money became tight, I was a single mother so we were living off of Hot Dogs, Macaroni and cheese, corn and green beans. I had to make do with what I had. I began to put on a pound a week. My 130 frame ballooned with in a year. While I was working I started falling asleep at the wheel driving. Finally found out my thyroid was a mess, and that I needed meds. I took meds for a six months when an Endocronologist said, "stop the meds, you are soo young and it isn't that bad." Hoshimotos took over my body for the next 7 years, putting on weight, more and more, no matter how I ate I gained. I became pregnant with my daughter and was rushed over to a new Endo and they were concerned. The put me on meds right away for the babies health. I started to regulate again and lost 15lbs during pregnancy. I gave birth to my daughter and became depressed. I probably ate some things I shouldn't have. I put back on the 15lbs and decided enough is enough. I went back to the gym and altered my diet again, to meat and veggies. I had a personal trainer and I kept a strict food diary. I counted calories, fat, carbs and sugars. I worked hard at the gym 5 days a week and on saturday and Sunday would walk. I went back to the gym and was measured after a week I gained half a pound and my trainer assured me that I am probably just gaining muscle faster than loosing fat. I worked my muscles and cardio for 5 weeks. I went from 220 to 230. In my frustration I decided it didn't matter anymore and for six months fetl sorry for myself. I ate brownies and cookies and only put on 4lbs. I went to my OBGYN sobbing, sobbing my eyes out and said, "I just can't live like this anymore, what are my options." He was very sympathetic and he believed me, seeing other women fight with weight loss. "Once you put it on you can't get it off and sometimes it isn't even anything specific you do to put it on. You don't have to do one thing wrong to create this weight issue, you could do everything right." He suggested the band and I followed up with my primary, who also suggested the band.
So here I am, finally loosing weight and feeling great. I have no desire to eat brownies anymore. My biggest love is chocolate and I only give myself two days that I can treat myself, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I haven't had a fill up to this point so the hunger was making me crazy. We have chips, chocolate, cookies, etc in the house. The kids get cookies every couple of days as a snack so I thought, "what if I allow myself that same kind of limit." My kids are tall and thin, my son is ten and weighs 91 lbs and is all muscle, my daughter, tall, thin muscular girl. They are beautiful and people never think they are my kids.
People assume if you are fat it is what you eat, that kills me. If it was just our dining habits I would have round kids too. My husband is heavy and admits his problem is with food. He loves food, loves the taste of food, I on the other hand could careless about food. I eat because I have to. I watch his family fill there plates to the brim, two or three times. It is crazy and it makes me sick to think about eating that much food.
Anyway, that is all. I guess I am just tired of the assumptions of how people gain their weight. I am so tired of people judging us based on our weight. "Oh that person is over weight so they must be binging, or that person is over weight so they must be trying to heal themselves with food, that person is over weight so they must eat out all the time." It is funny, if you go out to eat when you are overweight people assume you must do this a lot. One of the things I do when I go out to eat is get a take out container right away and cut out just a small portion of the meal to eat. I have done this forever, a lady looked at me weird when I said, "it helps to reduce the calories I take in, out of site out of mind." Then she looked at me like I must eat it all on the way home or something. I then cut that 2/3s of the meal in half again and eat that at home as seperate meals, or my hubby eats it.
I am not fat because I don't know how to eat or how to count calories. I don't use dressings, I have always used low fat mayo and less then the "amount" of the serving listed on the label. I could not do anything more than I had already done to loose this weight. I thought, fought and cried myself to sleep because I did not want to die in a few years because I am fat. I wanted to be able to chase my kids around on the beach or play in the yard. I did not want surgery, I wanted surgery even less than I wanted to be fat. I was sure I should be able to do this on my own and when I couldn't I was crushed. Before my thyroid and PCOS was really bad, Weight watchers worked. Now it didn't, before the gym and diet worked, now it didn't. Now it was time to find a solution that did and this is working.
I just wish the world would stop judging, even those who suffer from obesity. We need to not only stop judging others and their journey, but we need to stop being so harsh on ourselves. So what if we only loose half a pound one week, it means we get back on track the next week, don't let guilt take you over. We all have off days, off weeks, but it doesn't mean we can't bring ourselves back around.
I have studied addiction, I study psychology, I understand the process when the mind becomes our worst enemy, be it chemical or circumstantial.
We must remember to love ourselves in order to heal our souls and forgive ourselves.
Even if medical conditions got us here, at some point we gave up on ourselves and just started living life and not worrying about it. Like the problem would resolve itself. I am glad I waited this long, as I wasn't obese enough for surgery until about four years ago and then I ended up pregnant and back on hypothyroid meds. I thought that, coupled with excercise I would start loosing. When I didn't, this time, I didnt hit ground zero depression, I went to my doctors and asked what there was to help me. I am being proactive, and to me that is the best gift I can give myself and my family.
My son said to me the other day, "Mom, pretty soon I will be able to wrap my arms tight around you, you are loosing weight and looking great." I looked at him and smiled he then said, "and even better you are feeling better, you are doing more and you smile a lot more. I am so happy you are my Mom." He is ten and he is one of the blessings I am fighting this fight for. My two and a half year old needs a Mommy for the next 16 years and I want to do my best to be here.
