SOOOOO My updates are not fantabulous but some new things have come about.
I now have a strange lump on my neck by my skull, hoping it is a cyst of some sort.
Every time I eat I get severe sharp pains on my left side under my ribs and I am concerned.
Besides that.... GUESS WHAT>>>
I am thinner than I was six months ago and hoping to keep going.
Celeste
Short and sweet, and no one thought I could do that!
No let me state I do not love ALL things Easter Candy. I do not love Jelly Beans or Marshmellow chicks, what I doooo LOOOOOVVVEEEE is Hollow chocolate. As I sit her and write this I realize I made a very misguided or, perhaps just miscalculated decision, I bought a Hollow Chocolate Easter Bunny. NOw this bunny purchase is not going to put a million pounds back on me, but as the bunny stares at me Mockingly it puts me at a risk of possibly over indulging. Now I promised myself I would be okay to have a little of.... I told myself it would be okay to have a bite of his ear..... Essentially it is but my question is, what is the risk of me devouring the entire bunny in one sitting. Though essentially not the end of the lap band procedure but not the best choice in the world.
The thing that I thought today, and this is faulty food thinking at it's finest is.... "If I eat it all, at least it will be gone and I will not have to worry about eating it later." So in other words I would only have guilt one day and not two. Yah that is a benefit some how? Seriously, why do we put ourselves in situations that test us so early on. Just having had surgery, not even a full 6 months out quite yet, another week, there are a lot of foods that still are foods that make me weak. My comfort foods, Pizza, Chocolate, Chips and Cheese, etc.... I have to know to be smart about these choices and so far, the last few months I have fallen into old habits.
I am stating here in this blog, after Easter, I am making drastic changes. I am also looking into healthier non meat protein sources. My husband will hate me but I do not care, it is about me being authentic and true to me. I really have to make some better choices and I was, but now I have to get back on the bandwagon. Darn you CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY FOR MOCKING ME and for making me realize I need some better foods in my house.
Funny thing about blogging and posting updates is life catches up with you sometimes. I have been so busy with school work, the children, etc, that I forgot I even had an account here.
So here is where I am, BMI is about 36, 9 more points to get to 25, 20 would be my ideal. 186, yah me!
OKAY SO THE STORY: This is where I post something inspirational....
So I was thinking yesterday about all that has happened since my surgery. I went in for surgery saying that my weight was just caused my medical situations and I am finding out more and more that part of my problem really is FOOD. I LOVE FOOD and the flavors of certain foods. In fact if they could just add some fiber and protein to Dove chocolate, I might live off of it. So here is some thoughts on food.
1. Food tastes good, if it didn't we wouldn't eat.
2. Humans are over indulgent as a general rule. We love "things", many people want nice cars, houses, clothes, shoes, purses, etc. Imagine for a moment if we lived in a society where we had just what we needed. A roof over our heads, clothing hand made, gardens, etc. What would happen if we had just what we needed and couldn't run to the grocery store and buy crap.
3. Prepackaged foods are cheaper and easier for us as we work late hours and rush around. Why not grab those instant potatoes? Have you ever really thought about how much time it really saves you as you load yourself, your family and even your children with sodium. yummers NOT
4. What is most important in our lives, we need to set priorities right?
Since loosing this 50lbs I walk my son to school in the morning, even though he is on a bus route and shouldn't walk, we also walk home. I play outside with my ten year old son and the kids, running around with swords and having a blast. I appreciate food more and I am trying to learn to add in what I love in a smart and intelligent way. I am altering my children's lives, they do not get candy filled easter baskets or stockings stuffed with junk. Everything given to them is thoughtful and not a "FOOD" source. It is amazing how much we feed our children.
Here are some examples how psychologically we are wired to eat just for enjoyment:
1. Potty training, "if you do good you get an M&M".
2. Rewards, "if you get all A's you can go to your favorite restaurant."
3. The idea of ice cream when you are sad.
4. Babies, they are crying, you don't know for what so you just keep feeding them, thus they are being wired to believe that the bottle, or a breast, or whatever, which is food, is used to comfort.
If this surgery has taught me one thing and one thing only it is, that many people suffer from issues with food. Huge issues, small issues, why in the world are we giving children gum, lollipops and ice cream, why start them there? Explain to me why we feel the need to load cheese on everything we eat?
Oh and it isn't just the eating, we gain weight, get fat, get depressed, don't get out and do things. Like walking with our kids, or playing or running or swimming, or or or or or.... We hide which thus makes us eat more.
The more I am home the more I pick at food. We as humans are not supposed to sit all day. Evolution has brought us into this comfort zone of boredom and what happens is this, we are naturally hunters and gatherers, leave us in one place too long with an unoccupied mind, we are going to hunt and gather something for our stomach.
Water is our best friend, random I know but if you are going to hunt and gather something, make it water.
We need to admit our failures to everyone, if I eat an entire chocolate easter bunny, I NEED TO ADMIT IT, because once I try to hide it, I am showing signs of an addict because if I feel that I need to hide the food then I am feeling guilty about eating it. Be honest wtih yourself and most of all
FORGIVE
IT is important to forgive ourselves for food slips and lack of exercise and just start new every day. We don't know what kind of day we are going to have but if we try to plan out our weeks and try and be smart about our food choices in advance, that way if we fall off, we have the right tools to get right back up again.
Now go take a walk or something. he he
Weight loss has slowed way down, I have also not made it to the gym. After the stomach virus and other ailments, then being super busy. UGH.... The good news is weight loss is still weight loss. I have been, unfortunately putting weight on and then taking it off. LOL
The good news is I am now in a size 16, I haven't been there in nearly 8-10 years.
I know what I need to do and I will get back on track. I haven't been drinking my fluids and I have NOT been exercising like I should. I have a lot of self motivation I have to rebuild up. Things happen and I always try to say that it isn't my fault, but me not going to the gym is totally my fault. I am doing four classes a semester with college and I am making excuses why I can't get to the gym. Then I sit on the computer and talk to people. LOL SO whose fault is it that I am not at the gym? MINE
So getting off here now to get myself motivated again. I have to drink more, (I am now onto herbal teas for variety and make it a goal to drink water first thing in the morning, afternoon and evening before meals) and not snack. I would love to feel full all the time but I get so gassy since this surgery about 2-3 hours after I eat that I have to put something else in my stomach. I think I just need to start putting an antacid in there. LOL
Hope you are all doing well.
This journey is a roller coaster but I am still enjoying the ride. I will get to the end, for now I just have to hang on.
Celeste
PS The hair loss is also depressing me, I have a nearly bald spot, most people say they do not notice it but it is a glaring shiney head. I can see it and I don't like it.
After I hit Onederland, after a bout of the stomach virus, I gained some of it back. I am going to the Doctors again to see if I have lost anymore. None of the scales are consistant so I am over figuring out my weight. I know I am exercising and I am dropping sizes, so I am not going to worry about the number anymore. Everyone says I look so much more tone.
I did weights today, I do it twice a week because I really do hate weights, I should do it more often but I am there five days a week doing cardio/weight loss so I figure what I am doing is good enough. Still too afraid to take Zumba. All the girls at the YMCA around here are thin and I hate to be the only floppy fat girl in class. It just makes me feel like poop and I don't want to feel like poop. I KNOW it is ME not them. I will get over it, will take time.
Today I pumped up my work out and was never so glad to get home and shower, boy did I feel gross. A good kind of gross, not bad. Now I have gotten my shower in and food in my belly, 20oz of water and I am feeling pretty good. I have a doctors appointment in an hour and will see what their scale says, I am sure I will need another fill. I can still eat pretty good amounts, however, I don't want to go too low because I want to get all my protein.
Will talk to him about the hair loss also.
I have been away because I haven't had much to post. Still going to the gym, trying to stay healthy, eat right, though I have had a few bad things, but I call the treats. I really do go to the gym 5 days a week and if I only make it 3 I do not beat myself up. I think all in all I need another fill because I can still eat the same amount almost as before. Though food sometimes gets stuck. I just don't want the amounts to be so small that I can not keep up with my protein.
Oh and hair loss? Any tips to helping with that, my protein is on target so not sure why the loss of hair.
I am thrilled to say today I turn 35.
I have been to the gym every day except for three when I was sick and I take weekends off. The gym makes me feel so good, my smaller pants make me feel so good.
WE are going out to dinner tonight and the thought of not having to cook makes me happy.
I am so thrilled to feel this good and have this much energy.
My only troublesome thing is it has been two months since surgery and I still get pains on my left side and sometimes the right side. It can be quite painful and I am not enjoying that at all.
I am loosing weight, but every time I step on the scale I am expecting to put weight back on, or be at a dead stop. I lost 5 lbs when I had the stomach virus and gained 3lbs back and freaked out. I totally hate that part of the mentality. The expecting that this is all the weight I am going to loose or it is going to come all back at once. Like one morning I am going to wake up and be a size 18 and then the next morning I am going to be a 24. It is a challange to get rid of clothes that no longer fit because I keep thinking, "what if I get fat again?" Truth is, I am only going to gain the weight back if I forget that this is a life time journey and I can't go back to the way I was or I will. Truth is, I am just baffled and amazed that I can not accept that I have lost this weight. I have gone from a 24-18 and the nurse at the office thinks I will be in a 14 by the end of January. Really, how is that possible?
I should recognize that it isn't JUST the band that brought me this far. The band hardly has any restriction right now. It is a lot of hard work on my part. I am careful what I eat and I am exercising my butt literally off. I have lost inches and I should be proud, not fearful that it is all coming back. It is really silly isn't it?
When you are overweight and spend years yo yoing with your weight up and down and down and up and over and up and,....... Well you understand, when you keep having these moments, it's like, "Hey, what if the same thing happens again." Truthfully one of the only ways it can go back to the way it was is if A. WE allow it to or B. We have something medically not working for us. With the band for once in our lives we can be in control of our destiny.
7 months ago, when I started this journey, if you asked me how much I thought Exercise would play in this, I would honestly tell you, just a little. I mean I figured three days a week at the gym and smaller meals should be enough. Well, for some it might be, however, EXERCISE plays such a huge roll in all of this. I had a day off yesterday due to the terrible weather, so here I am today, went back to the gym and I thought, "Wow I missed this." Since going to the gym I have started loosing the inches. Sure weight coming off is nice but I want to loose the inches. The inches make a huge difference, it makes you feel better to see the clothing sizes going down. The thing that keep me motivated is the gym and keeps me drinking my fluids. I just feel better, who would have thought it would have become such an addiction 4 weeks out.
I am out of size 24, 22, 20 jeans. Well the 20s I will still wear with a belt. I am so thrilled to have bought two size 18 jeans at a high end consignment shop and they fit. They fit perfectly, I do not even have to suck in at all. I am sooo thrilled. I am soooo freaking thrilled but very sad that the gym will most likely be closed tomorrow due to bad weather. I feel so good though, I think I was size 18 when I met my husband.
The doctor wants to do another fill today. I am debating because since the 3cc I am loosing weight. I do get hungry but it is usually my fault. I have lost appx 5lbs since my last visit. I just can't see getting a fill, I would like to give it two more weeks. What would you do?
I have been going to the gym faithfully five days a week. I take Saturday and Sunday off. I do weights on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I think that is enough, I do want to go Saturdays and Sundays too but I think at some point the gym becomes another unhealthy obsession so I am reminding myself that it is okay to rest my body.
Yesterday my daughter had friends over and we had all kinds of snacks out. I didn't eat one thing, I was soooo proud of myself. I am working hard at loosing this weight. No snacks right now for me.
I feel good and think I will be moving down to a size 18 soon. That means I am not too far off from a size 16 and that thrills me to no end. I haven't been a sixteen in probably 8-9 years.
I am working hard at this, this isn't, "band in, miracle cure" sort of thing, I am literally working my butt off. At the gym I work off between 270-450 in calories depending on how long I stay and going about two miles a day at the gym. I hope to keep myself in this mind set. I know sometimes it can be hard, there are days that the personality kicks in and I think, "One day off is okay." However, it is that exact thought that leads to the next day off and the next day off. I did one of my out loud moments that I am known for and I growled at the weights. The guy next to me laughed and I looked at him and was like, "was that out loud?" He nodded and I kind of shrugged. He looked at me and said, "I think that some days too." I looked at him and he was fit, tone and muscular and I said, "Does it get easier once you are fit?" He shook his head, "No, it's the same thing. You have to remind yourself that in order to maintain this, you have to keep at it." I growled again and he laughed.
I thought I had another infection starting in my belly button so I went to my Doctors. I got put on the scale and was down to 199. The doctor is so thrilled with me. He asked me what I was doing and I said, "I work out five times a week, just the elipitical and sometimes weights." I am so thrilled because I wanted to reach this by my birthday January 5. I am feeling great, though I think I need a good massage. LOL
I can't wait to get into smaller pants soon. So exciting AND even better, I have no infections, just a surface infection, nothing to worry about. SOOOO HAPPY. All of the working out is paying off.
My son came down with the stomach virus on Thursday. I was doing fine until last night. Luckily most of it is the rear end but I did vomit once. I can not imagine vomitting more than once, I am now sore where the band is. It kind of sucks. I am still able to drink so I don't think it is too swollen or slipped. I just want to say, it sucks. I was going to go to the gym today, but obviously that was out of the question. My daughter and father (whom is disabled and I take care of) are also sick. My daughter vomitted a few times and now she is feeling great. I am still sore though and my belly still doesn't feel right. UGH
I cut the string exactly to what I was prior and now it is two inches down. I should do after photos today and see what if I can see the differance. Have a great day!
This morning when I woke up it isaid I was 199.8. I know there is no way I lost a pound in two days. But I appreciate it trying to cheer me on like that.
Today the gym was 45 minutes on the eliptical, next Monday is weights with the trainer. Ouuu I dislike weights soooo much. I hate my arms hurting, I admit it, I would rather stay on the elipitical all day then hit the weights but I know it is a second part of my loosing weight and becoming healthier.
I think we all have different reasons for being here. Some people have eating issues. Some people, no matter what they do they gain weight or can't get it off. Some people have medical conditions that cause them to gain weight, or they are on certain meds that caused them to gain weight and they can't get it off.
I think that it is important to not assume that everyone has eating issues. It is important to not assume everyone has a medical condition.
For people who have eating issues, I have a friend going through this, the battle with food is constant and it's hard. It isn't anything that is easy and a surgery like this isn't going to solve the problem alone. Therapy and other follow up care is usually needed. My poor girlfriend who is struggling with eating issues is working hard to correct her relationship with food and decided that she is going to get surgery to help with the weight loss now. Her relationship is starting to turn around thanks to therapy and so she is planning on the surgery. I constantly offer her support and sometimes she lets me know what her food plans are for the day.
For me, one of my guiltiest things is eating out. I put on most of my weight when I was in my 20's. I had money to burn and instead of cooking I ate out a lot. I had a gym membership when I had a good job and I lost a great deal of weight that I put on. I got pregnant with my son and things went down hill. The company I worked for closed, money became tight, I was a single mother so we were living off of Hot Dogs, Macaroni and cheese, corn and green beans. I had to make do with what I had. I began to put on a pound a week. My 130 frame ballooned with in a year. While I was working I started falling asleep at the wheel driving. Finally found out my thyroid was a mess, and that I needed meds. I took meds for a six months when an Endocronologist said, "stop the meds, you are soo young and it isn't that bad." Hoshimotos took over my body for the next 7 years, putting on weight, more and more, no matter how I ate I gained. I became pregnant with my daughter and was rushed over to a new Endo and they were concerned. The put me on meds right away for the babies health. I started to regulate again and lost 15lbs during pregnancy. I gave birth to my daughter and became depressed. I probably ate some things I shouldn't have. I put back on the 15lbs and decided enough is enough. I went back to the gym and altered my diet again, to meat and veggies. I had a personal trainer and I kept a strict food diary. I counted calories, fat, carbs and sugars. I worked hard at the gym 5 days a week and on saturday and Sunday would walk. I went back to the gym and was measured after a week I gained half a pound and my trainer assured me that I am probably just gaining muscle faster than loosing fat. I worked my muscles and cardio for 5 weeks. I went from 220 to 230. In my frustration I decided it didn't matter anymore and for six months fetl sorry for myself. I ate brownies and cookies and only put on 4lbs. I went to my OBGYN sobbing, sobbing my eyes out and said, "I just can't live like this anymore, what are my options." He was very sympathetic and he believed me, seeing other women fight with weight loss. "Once you put it on you can't get it off and sometimes it isn't even anything specific you do to put it on. You don't have to do one thing wrong to create this weight issue, you could do everything right." He suggested the band and I followed up with my primary, who also suggested the band.
So here I am, finally loosing weight and feeling great. I have no desire to eat brownies anymore. My biggest love is chocolate and I only give myself two days that I can treat myself, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I haven't had a fill up to this point so the hunger was making me crazy. We have chips, chocolate, cookies, etc in the house. The kids get cookies every couple of days as a snack so I thought, "what if I allow myself that same kind of limit." My kids are tall and thin, my son is ten and weighs 91 lbs and is all muscle, my daughter, tall, thin muscular girl. They are beautiful and people never think they are my kids.
People assume if you are fat it is what you eat, that kills me. If it was just our dining habits I would have round kids too. My husband is heavy and admits his problem is with food. He loves food, loves the taste of food, I on the other hand could careless about food. I eat because I have to. I watch his family fill there plates to the brim, two or three times. It is crazy and it makes me sick to think about eating that much food.
Anyway, that is all. I guess I am just tired of the assumptions of how people gain their weight. I am so tired of people judging us based on our weight. "Oh that person is over weight so they must be binging, or that person is over weight so they must be trying to heal themselves with food, that person is over weight so they must eat out all the time." It is funny, if you go out to eat when you are overweight people assume you must do this a lot. One of the things I do when I go out to eat is get a take out container right away and cut out just a small portion of the meal to eat. I have done this forever, a lady looked at me weird when I said, "it helps to reduce the calories I take in, out of site out of mind." Then she looked at me like I must eat it all on the way home or something. I then cut that 2/3s of the meal in half again and eat that at home as seperate meals, or my hubby eats it.
I am not fat because I don't know how to eat or how to count calories. I don't use dressings, I have always used low fat mayo and less then the "amount" of the serving listed on the label. I could not do anything more than I had already done to loose this weight. I thought, fought and cried myself to sleep because I did not want to die in a few years because I am fat. I wanted to be able to chase my kids around on the beach or play in the yard. I did not want surgery, I wanted surgery even less than I wanted to be fat. I was sure I should be able to do this on my own and when I couldn't I was crushed. Before my thyroid and PCOS was really bad, Weight watchers worked. Now it didn't, before the gym and diet worked, now it didn't. Now it was time to find a solution that did and this is working.
I just wish the world would stop judging, even those who suffer from obesity. We need to not only stop judging others and their journey, but we need to stop being so harsh on ourselves. So what if we only loose half a pound one week, it means we get back on track the next week, don't let guilt take you over. We all have off days, off weeks, but it doesn't mean we can't bring ourselves back around.
I have studied addiction, I study psychology, I understand the process when the mind becomes our worst enemy, be it chemical or circumstantial.
We must remember to love ourselves in order to heal our souls and forgive ourselves.
Even if medical conditions got us here, at some point we gave up on ourselves and just started living life and not worrying about it. Like the problem would resolve itself. I am glad I waited this long, as I wasn't obese enough for surgery until about four years ago and then I ended up pregnant and back on hypothyroid meds. I thought that, coupled with excercise I would start loosing. When I didn't, this time, I didnt hit ground zero depression, I went to my doctors and asked what there was to help me. I am being proactive, and to me that is the best gift I can give myself and my family.
My son said to me the other day, "Mom, pretty soon I will be able to wrap my arms tight around you, you are loosing weight and looking great." I looked at him and smiled he then said, "and even better you are feeling better, you are doing more and you smile a lot more. I am so happy you are my Mom." He is ten and he is one of the blessings I am fighting this fight for. My two and a half year old needs a Mommy for the next 16 years and I want to do my best to be here.
I had my first fill, it was a little weird, but okay otherwise. Made me gassy. I am now trying to get down a protein shake.
SO anyone who is following knows how aggrevated I was with the infection and delay in going to the gym.
Well I took out my frustration on gym equipment for the last week. Last Thursday I was 207.8 and today I was 203.8. Four pounds in a week from living on the eliptical machine four days a week. I LOVE YOU ELIPTICAL EVEN IF MY MUSCLES hurt.
Monday I have training on the weights. So things are looking up for me, finally.
So my goal of being under 200lbs for my birthday looks much more attainable.
I have been gone, busy with school work and the gym. When I went to the doctors previously I was 207.8, then after the infection episode, a little over a week. I was still at 207.8. My scale said 205.5 but I will follow the doctors. At the gym last week I was 208 ish with them and now I am 206.5, so that is progress. I am just annoyed I am not loosing inches. I am still waiting on my first fill which will be Thursday December 9, 2010, so wish me luck with that. I knew this would be a slow journey, I just didn't think I would be at such a snails pace. I think that first huge initial weight loss gets you all excited and then when you are starving for three weeks and trying to eat well and then can't exercise, it is annoying. Now that I am exercising hopefully the weight will come off even though I can not do the weights quite yet. I wanted to be down under 200 lbs by my Birthday and just not sure that is going to happen. My birthday is January 5, 2010. Only like four weeks away.
I haven't been to the gym in over a year. Going to the gym a year ago is what prompted me to look into the lap bad because I was putting on muscle but the fat was sticking around, no matter how well I ate and how much I exercised. So today I got to the gym and reminded myself I couldn't start where I left off. So I went on the Treadmill and it killed my knees and hips but I pushed through the discomfort. I wasn't in PAIN I just felt loose everywhere. I did 20 minutes on the weight loss setting. My legs were wobbly and then I had to walk back and forth to my car twice because I forgot my daughters coat. LOL She loved playing with the other kids and wants to go back tomorrow so she will be my motivation to go to the gym so she can play with the kids. Very thankful for them watching the little ones which will let Alexanderia get much needed interaction with other children.
I am thankful to be holding steady with weight and not putting on weight despite the fact that I have no restriction and no exercise.
Onward, my wound seems to be healing pretty fast now.
First of all the nurse that did my wound care was nice but wasn't following protocol. Oh well, will make sure the nurse does it right this weekend. Second of all I think I found another location that is becoming infected. I don't know what to do about it, well I do know, but I don't want to go to the Doctors and get put under, nor do I feel like having myself put through the local and a scalpel again. I keep thinking, maybe there is a way I can clear it before I have to suffer through more.
Though I am appreciating the way the lap band is helping me, I am also very frustrated because I am not dropping any sizes. The weight is coming off but the clothing size is staying the same. I am agitated because I can not actually go to the gym and start toning. UGH, I just need a break.
I made the number one error for bandsters, do not wait too long to eat. Do not wait until the point you are ready to chew off your hand. I ended up not chewing something as well as I thought I did and ended up making friends with the porcelin bowl. My friend, the bowl, a friend I don't want to visit again soon. It hurt but I went back and finished my meal darnit.
If my doctor knew that the visiting nurses hasn't called me today to set up the wound care he would be mad, this infection could spread with out proper care. I am upset because I found another infected area. UGH I popped it and cleaned it out really hoping it doesn't get worse. I am still taking my infection meds so hopefully it will all be okay. However Sulfer is disgusting! LOL
As far as everything else in life, it is good. I went to the support meeting tonight with the bariatric group. It is always nice to hear positive stories and those who are struggling and what they are going through and offer support.
Overall I am feeling really good, believe it or not. The infection is more a bump in the road rather than a huge issue right now. If I need another surgery, well that will be more of an issue wouldn't it.
Trying to remain positive. The weight is still coming off so that is good. Being on solids with no restriction has been a challenge.
Last time I posted was on Thursday of last week, talking about seeing my Doctor. Some back story for those who don't know I got a single incision procedure done to my belly button. Well, on Thursday my doctor cleaned it and said everything looked great. Well Friday my belly buttonw as tender, I assumed it was from cleaning until Saturday morning I had a red streak going down my belly button. It was hot to the touch so off to the ER I went.
To my doctors credit, he came in on his day off to see me at the hospital. He reopened the incision (yes I was awake for this and he just used local anethisia on the site) and I held my belly button open as he cut away. He then packed it and said if it didn't start looking better that I had to go back in for surgery. That he wanted me to go back to the ER on Sunday to get the bandage changed again. So Sunday I went and he came in again to do the job. Then on Monday I saw him, I feel like I should have a frequent flyer card or something.
Besides the double antibiotics I am on and feeling nauseous from that, I feel really good. Besides the fact that I am starving and have been wanting comfort foods. Last night I made Home made Pizza for the kids and noodles. Not protein enriched foods huh? I forgave myself and I am still loosing weight somehow even though I am not portioning my foods by the cup fulls. I am eating every two to three hours. I hate starving but I am still loosing weight. I get to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill at least.
So a bump in my road! I will survive and I am glad it is a small bump.
Doctor had emergancy surgery so my appointment ended up really late.
I lost ten pound since surgery which they said is awesome.
I am doing well, they are proud of me and one of the girls didn't recognize me. I said, "I didn't loose that much weight yet.
She reminded me that since October 21, 1010 I have lost 19lbs and I should be proud.
I am now on a regular diet and will get my first fill on December 2, 2010.
It is funny, going through this process I was totally okay with not loosing quickly. I understood that everyone looses at their own rate and that it is a journey, I need to make adjustments based on my body. Then you get here and you are like, "Why the heck is the scale jumping around all over the freaking place." I have resorted back to a protein shake during the day to increase my protein and to get myself back on track. I am starving and was eating a packet of Cream of Wheat and that is something my body does not like.
That is one thing I am learning very quickly, carbs do nothing for me but put on weight. So no more mashed potatoes and bread. I need the fiber though so will talk to the doctor today about fiber supplements. I am nervous about seeing the doctor today, what if there scales make it look even worse.
Sigh, it will get better and my doctor will be thrilled that I am honest and self aware enough to know what I am doing wrong.
I WANT TO GO TO THE GYM!
That is all.
