Oh, my goodness, this is hard. I had my surgery on October 29th, and it has been slow-going ever since. Not slow in the fact that I have been losing weight, just slow in the fact that it's taking me a long time t recover. I don't know why I didn't expect this to be hard and painful. It is major surgery, after all. It's November 4th now, and I'm finally starting to get around and moving, but I get tired so easily and get nauseous pretty fast. My doctor put me on Phenergan for nausea, but that just knocks me out and takes away whatever little bit of energy I had! The pain is finally subsiding and it's mostly just a nagging pinch now, but my back muscles ache something terrible. Initially, I did not want to eat anything. Now, my waves of hunger are so strong, I can't tell if I'm hungry or nauseous or both. I'm still on a liquid diet for 2 more days. So far, all I have eaten since my surgery is a cup of soup, a popsicle, a small frosty from Wendy's, and a small side of mashed potatoes from KFC (I cheated, but I was so hungry!). I think about what I am going to eat when my stomach goes back to normal. I can't seem to stop thinking about food. I hope once I can eat some more normal foods, and am not so hungry, my focus will be elsewhere and not on tempting things I should not be eating. I have lost 22 lbs since October 16th. That's 19 days. I feel good about this and want the weight loss to continue. I figure if I can lose 2 lbs a week until next year, I will be down 100 lbs. Even if I only lose 1 lb a week, I'll be 50 lbs lighter than right now. But there are so many foods out there that look delicious that I can no longer have! What I really crave is Chino Bandidos, my favorite restaurant. I figure once, before my band fill, I will go there. Just once. I know this may be a recipe for disaster, but it is what I have been craving. I willnot eat a whole plate of food. Just half, maybe not even that. If I plan it, and work my dieting and exercise around it, I think I could splurge just once. We'll see...I know it's not the best decision, but if I don't give in once in a great while, I feel I may be setting myself up for failure. I may just reach a point where I eat everything I want whenever I want and will lose all self control. That's exactly what I don't want to happen. Oh well....this is also coming from someone who has not eaten a real meal in a week's time and is food crazy. I can see the weight coming off in my face and in my arms. So far, so good. I want to be at 230 lbs by Christmas. I am at 253 right now. I have seven weeks, so that seems about right. All I know is that the airplane seats better feel more roomy this time when I go home. Last time, I could barely get them to buckle. I was so embarrassed. I don't ever want that to happen again. Anyways, that's all I have for now. Have a great night, everyone!
Well, I have always been overweight. Since I was a child, I have been slightly larger than other people my own age. Now, at almost 28, I am topping the scales at 270 lbs and I have gone from "slightly larger" to "larger than life". Obesity has always run in my family and I grew up watching my mother, my aunts, and even my father, struggle with their weight. I have tried the old "diet and exercise" routine. I attempted Weight Watchers. I am not very good at monitoring myself, and so I have slowly ballooned up to this weight that dangles precociously below the 300lb mark. I'm not very tall and so this weight means more to me than people who are taller. I am a Registered Nurse by profession. I see what this weight will do to me and what I will become if I don't make a mjaor life change. I have taken care of people who weigh over 700 lbs and even when they loose 300lbs or more, they are still huge. This reality scares me. My weight already affects how I walk, how I breathe, and how I sleep. I find myself mentally calculating if I can squeeze myself through tight spaces. And ofcourse, this weight makes me feel ugly. I know I am a beautiful person on the inside. And at one time, I was beautiful on the outside, too. Now, all anyone sees when they look at me is how big I am. It's not really any wonder that I haven't met the right man or started a family yet. People don't take the time to get to know me because they make assumptions that I am like all other fat people that they know. Men do not find me attractive. Hell, I don't find me attractive. But luckliy for me, I do know what i can look like. I do know what it feels like to be considered attractive. I was once. And I believe in my heart that I can be, again. I live on the opposite side of the country from my family and it's tought to go this battle alone. I thought my dad, who is also my best friend, would lecture me on this decision, but instead, he told me exactly what I have been thinking for years: he wants to see me live a long life. he wants me to feel good. and that it's time I got some help. Well, I hate these protein drinks and all these diet restrcitions. I hate working a 13 hour shift and having to eat chicken broth on my one, coveted 30 min lunch break. And I hate feeling like I am all alone. But, in retrospect, I hate being overweight way more than anything else. I hate being out of breath every night when I climb the stairs to my room. I hate how much my feet ache the minute I stand up every morning. I hate the way my clothes fit and that I can't hide my stomach no matter what I wear. So this is what brings me here. For support, for a place to vent my frustrations. I can regain control of my life. I know I can. Now, it's time to step up and just DO IT.
