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It's ALL About ME!!!!

So I am 4 days away from surgery! I have been diligent sticking to my liquid diet & I am pretty proud of my self. Hang on while I pat myself on the back.   At times you will hear me mention my family or make reference to them. But you will not hear that much about them. This journey is about ME! And only ME! To some this may sound selffish, but to me it is totally justified.   Let's be honest....part of the reason that I am where I am (weight wise) is because yes I have made bad choices but I have always put everyone else before myself....My husband & my 3 children! And even though they are ALL the loves of my life, I have come to realize that I must always be the love of my OWN life. No one can love me like I can love myself.   So this blog will be about my journey, my weight loss, my experiences whether good or bad, and how I am getting to the goals that I have set for myself.   I have made a committment to myself to lose weight but more importantly I have made a committment to myself to put me first. If I can do thirty minutes on the treadmill & the laundry doesn't get done....OH WELL! It can wait but my transformation cannot.   So as I sit here and write this, I hope you take one thing with you & that is to be totally committed to yourself! You come first and once you make a choice to do that part of the battle is over.   WE are ALL worth having the life that WE are ALL trying to obtain!
BRINA913

BRINA913

12
 

10 Days & Counting!

I started this journey almost 7 months ago to the day! I have been to all my regular appointments & the psyche evaluation. I also have done multiple nutritionist appointments. On September 7th my paperwork was submitted to Cigna, that was the longest wait, felt like 3 years instead of 3 weeks. But on September 28th I received the news that I have been waiting to hear for a very long time. You are a candidate & you have been approved.   My surgery is scheduled for October 18th @ 10am. I am beyond ecstatic & releved to finally know that I can get a handle on my weight loss. I have lost weight many times in the past. At one time I lost close to 90 pounds, but doing it with diet drugs is not the answer, and as soon as you go off it is as if someone has put an air hose in your ear. The weight comes back on in droves. Iam just happy to have a tool that will help me to lose the weight & keep it off!   I look forward to the new & improved version of my self. I want to be healthy & happy and cannot wait to embark on this new phase in my life.
BRINA913

BRINA913

5
 

Believe in Yourself!

I got on the scale this morning and I could swear that it said 224. That is what I get for buying a scale at Walmart. Can it possibly be? That means I am down 10 pounds.....can I get a woot woot:w00t:!   So as I am drowning in my land of liquids & I am starting to realize that I have way more will power than I ever thought possible. Weight watchers was hard for me...hated Jenny Craig! But yet I have stuck to my liquid diet, like it is my job....oh wait a minute that is my job right now.   I will say this though, cooking for my family is really hard. Everything smells so yummy! Last night I took my 7 year old to McDonalds....I would have given anything to lick just one french fry. But I was very proud of myself...I did not & I repeat did not eat not one fry. :thumbup:   So for all my fellow bandsters who are just starting this journey, believe in yourself because it will happen and you can do it. All good things come from hard work & perserverence.   5 days & counting until I am a official Bandster!:wub:
BRINA913

BRINA913

4
 

The WEIGHT is Over!!!

Tomorrow is my big day...pardon the pun but the weight is over in more ways then one! Thank the baby Jesus!   I haven't been waiting for this moment for seven months & now that it is here I am getting a bit nervous.   Should I be standing in a corner shaking like a leaf or should I just run a way like a scared dog with my tail between my legs.   I have prayed, had my husband light a candle for me at church, and even went as far as telling everybody my last dying wishes.   OK...I am totally over the top and need to calm my ass down and stop thinking. Just wish my head was like a light switch and I could turn it off.   My house is clean...my kids are clean...the laundry is done....and I have even cooked food for the first three days of next week. I could almost jump out of my skin.   Did I also mention that I am friggin starving? This liquid diet sucks. Kind of unfair when you think about it...when you go in front of the firing squad they give you a last dinner. How I would die for a last meal! But as we all know tomorrow I face my banding squad & no one even asked what I want for a last meal! LOL!   Pizza, fried calamari & a huge tossed salad! That would be my final meal. Oh and maybe a piece or two of sushi! But the reality is that the closest I will get to pizza & a salad is a glass of V8. ANd as far as the fried calamari & sushi...well I will just have to dream about it and when I am drinking my protein shake & chicken broth imagine lobster tails & filet mignon.   I will post my progress as much as I can and give you updates. The one one thing I am going to really try to do is tell YOU my experience how it made me feel and exactly what it would be closely related to...a point of reference lets say! I always thought that would be helpful and not many people do that!   Ciao for now.....
BRINA913

BRINA913

4
 

It was so worth it! Happy Happy happy!

Today I am 9 days post-op! What a difference a week makes!   Feeling very good...still a little sore but that is to be expected. And for thos of you who don't know I also had a hiatal hernia fixed while I was there. hence, the soreness!   Starting to feel a bit hungry every now & ten...but is definitely not the raging beast kind of hunger. I drink a 4oz serving of liquid protein and all is good.   Chewing on my vitamins is like heaven though. You never realize how satisfying chewing is until you haven't chewed anything in over 2 weeks!   I definitely have my eye on the prize and have told myself that this is my new lifestyle and no cheating...besides can't imagine going through all that pain & cheating!   I am down 19 pounds still and every time I step on that scale I am ecstatic. I am now officially 215.   My goal is to be under 200 by Christmas! The best present I could give myself.   For all of you who are on liquid diets it is so worth it. And so is the post-op pain it is all worth it, the moment you step on that scale and you realize you are losing WEIGHT!
BRINA913

BRINA913

4
 

I am going to float from all these Liquids!

Seven days from now I will be sitting in a recovery room. I will have a funnel like system in my body that will help me to control my portion size. My stomach will be swollen from the procedure and not feel hungry in the beginning. After not eating, a small sip of broth or a bowl of jello maybe a welcome change BUT....and here it comes....wait for it.....   I AM STARVING ON THIS PRE-OP ALL LIQUID DIET!   I am so hungry....no pouch...no small funnel system!   Just a large stomach that is used to eating whatever & whenever it wants. I am peeing like a race horse from all the fluids!   UUGGGGGGGHHHHHH!   I have had V8...I have had fat-free chicken broth...I have had sugar-free ice pops...coffee...cranberry juice and of course the chalky chocolate protein drink!   But I am committed to this journey I have started. I am two days in to this liquid pre-op and all I keep telling myself is 6 days more and I will be in anesthesia la-la land & not realize how truly hungry I am.   So I refuse to go in the kitchen (out of sight out of mind). But I swear my sense of smell has gotten stronger....I can smell a pizza three block away!
BRINA913

BRINA913

3
 

Cold Feet

Today I am 9 days away from surgery. On Monday I start the liquid pre-op diet. Not sure if I am really looking forward to that, but I know it is something that I have to do to get ready for the next step of my journey. I come to this site every day. At first I think it was a good thing....now....not so much! I listen to other peoples horror stories & to behonest it scares the crap out of me. I think, am I doing the right thing? Should I back out? I doubt my decision, and wonder how did I get to this point. I know it is something I have wanted to do for years but then I read about sliming and slippage and I want to run away with my tail between my legs. I have already gotten to the stage where I am having hard time sleeping, it always seems to me that people just can't be happy for you. Why do people have the need to share there horror stories? :frown:   I just want someone to say....Good for you, I know you have struggled with your weight for such a long time...Good Luck!   P.S. When I say people I don't mean the people in here...I mean the skinny people! The people who have never had a weight problem!
BRINA913

BRINA913

3
 

To mask or not to mask!

Ok so everyone in my house is sick. It is like a booger fest in here. Sneezing, coughing, runny noses! Kinda gross when you think about it. I am tempted to go buy a surgical mask so that I don't catch anything. I cannot be sick on the day of my surgery.:ohmy:   Surgery is a mere 8 days away!!!:frown: I have just realized that basically after dinner tonight, I probably will not eat a real meal until around Thanksgiving! That is crazy when you think about it & only goes to show how desperate I am not to be overweight anymore. Thank the baby Jesus that Thanksgiving is not one of my favorite holidays (as far as food that is). What the hell was I thinking? I have to go through Christmas Eve & Christmas Day newly banded:drool:. This will definitely be a test of my fortitude.   I just want to clarify one thing for the people who read my blog yesterday. I was getting cold feet because I read on here about sliming & slippage. But as far as the horror stories, those are from the people who I have told that I am having the Lap Band Surgery. Those people need to keep it to themselves:ohmy:. I have been told "oh i know someone who had it & she only lost 10pounds" or "this lady I know had it & they made a mistake & now they removed her colon" Thanks for sharing but no thanks!   All the people on here have been very supportive & a plethora of information. I love using big words...LOL! So I just wanted to clarify that & make sure that there wasn't any mix-up on who my annoyedness(is that even a word) was aimed at.   Tomorrow I am going to buy a scale & a heating pad to get ready for my surgery on the 18th. A lot of people on here say that the heating pad helps with the gas pains. I actually think that I have lost a few pounds from nerves...Go figure!   Cannot believe my surgery is a week from tomorrow!!!!!!!!! So many emotions! But yesterday as I was sitting with my beautiful soon to be 16 year old daughter, looking for a dress for her big party and caught a profile glimpse of my butt....I know that I have made the right choice. My daughter is exactly the same height as I am and wears between a 2 & a 4, and that is the moment that I thank God that she got her fathers genes and not mine. I would never want my daughter to struggle with her weight the way that I have my entire life.   So even though my tunnels feels a little dark right now (only out of fear) the thought that I could be 30 to 40 pounds thinner by her Sweet "16" in January....makes it very easy for me to see the light at the end!
BRINA913

BRINA913

2
 

It's My Last Fat Friday!

OMG! Three days to go! My surgery is on Monday and you know the weekend is going to fly by.   SO...this morning I went to my sons senior breakfast at the High School & as I got ready I looked in the mirror and thought am I doing the right thing!:thumbup:   BUT....as I was trying to pick an outfit out for tonights charity event that I am attending, again I realized what has gotten me to this point!   As I tried outfit after outfit & realized that I basically look like a linebacker in everything, I had another lightbulb moment!:wub:   This what has gotten me here....this is why I have decided to take this drastic measure and finally get a grasp on my weight issue.   I want to look in the mirror and feel like my body is as beautiful as my face. When I was a kid everyone would make fun of me for always looking in the mirror. I finally realized that I never really look in mirrors that are below my waste anymore...it is just to painful:crying:.   I never wanted to be the girl that people would say "Oh it's a shame she is so heavy...she has such a beautiful face". But yet here I am that person at 46 years old.   So today on October 15th I mourn my old lifestyle but am looking forward to embracing my new one. I look at this Friday and think that this will be my last fat Friday. This will be the last Friday in my life that I will ever weigh this much again...   As I sit here and ride this emotional rollercoaster, once again I have had my doubts about whether or not I should go forward but in the end my rational mind takes over & reassures me that I am doing the right thing!
BRINA913

BRINA913

2
 

Medically Cleared!

Well everything has been finalized! 8 days & counting....dun dun dun!   Bloodwork...check Chest x-ray....check EKG....check Liquid diet.....just started!   Went to my appointment today with my PCP and my offical starting weight is....now remember this is on his scale, is 227. When I went to my surgeon on September 7th according to his scale I was 234.   So could I have possible have lost 7 pounds? I have been very nervous about the surgery & I did have a stomach virus last week, but 7 pounds can't be!   But 7 punds is 7 pounds & I will take it anyway I can get it. Went to Walmart this morning and bought some supplies:   Scale Heating Pad Gas-X (Dissolving Strips) Junior Strength Tylenol (chewable)   Pop open the scale from Walmart & low and behold I get on and it says 228.   So my official starting weight is 228! Now if I could just figure out how to make one of those little ticker tapes for the bottom of my blog, I would be happy. Suggestions or directions welcome!   I even managed to have my teenage daughter take my Before pictures. I figured I should take them today, because hopefully today will be the last day that I will ever be this weight again.   It has been a long process but I am mentally prepared for the road that lies ahead of me. I am still a little nervous about the surgery. Not the LAP BAND surgery....just surgery in general. But I know I have made a good decision that will not only benefit myself but my family as well.   The first steps are always the hardest but I know I am well on my way to a newer & healthier lifestyle.
BRINA913

BRINA913

1
 

Three weeks post-op!

So yesterday was my 3 week bandiversary.   I am happy to report that I am a third of my weigh(pardon the pun) LOL to my goal.   I have lost an amazing 30 pounds!:eek:   When I went to the doctor on Sept 7th for my last visit before surgery I was whopping 236 pounds:ohmy:   This morning when I got on the scale I was lovely 206!:smile2:   Originally my goal was to be under 200 by Christmas....but I think I may up the ante & go for Thanksgiving!   I have not eaten a real meal since October 10th...but who's counting:lol:   It has been hard at times to cook for my family but my clothes are starting to get big on me and that is the ultimate reward.   I know that I am so mentally committed to doing this. My doctor has cleared me to do only cardio and I cannot wait. I am on mushies and it hasn't been that bad....I try really hard not to obsess about food & for the most part I am not hungry.   Today I had a sweet potatoe & it was like eating filet mignon. All I keep telling myself is baby steps.   I know for me that this is the beat thing I have ever done for myself....I am so proud of me me me. That six months that I went thru the process of being approved was a great gift to myself, it totally helped me to prepare myself for what I was about to undertake.   Do I miss food? Yes, but what I miss more is my self-esteem & my self confidence. So I keep me eye on the prize ( which is a new & improved me) and continue to stay focused & take it one day at a time.
BRINA913

BRINA913

1
 

Almost One Week Post-Op!

So I have survived my surgery. When they went in I had a hiatal hernia & they repaired it. So my side is a little bit more sore than usual.   I promised I would be honest. The gas pains really sucked!:w00t: Today I am 7 days post-op & the gas pains have finally subsided. The constipation isn't too great either:cursing: All I can say is WALK WALK WALK!   I have been off my pain meds since Friday by choice because I have to start driving on Monday & wanted my system to be totally clean and because they don't help with the constipation.   I havent been very hungry....I drink 4oz. every hour & I do two protein shakes a day. I have been using the Chocolate UNJURY & I mix it with Skim Plus Milk with Fiber & Ice & put it in my new Ninja smoothie maker. Definitely does not taste as bad as it smells & it only has 200 calories with 31 grams of protein. So I meet my protein quota everyday.   I got on the scale this morning and ALL together I have lost 19 pounds. :smile2:   The recovery has been longer than I expected BUT I also had the hernia:frown:. For the people who say they went to work three day post-op I say Kudos to them.   My family has been very supportive and I really would have been lost without them:wub:   My next doctor appointment is November 2nd & hopefully I move onto the mushie phase:w00t::smile2:.   I will keep updating..............
BRINA913

BRINA913

1
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