So about a week ago we all found out one of my dear friends has ovarian cancer. While watching "The Revolution" last week, a woman who has beaten thyroid cancer came on and shared her recipe for a juice that she attributes her wellness and cancer free body to. My son got a juicer for Christmas (his favorite present!), and he said "Mom, we can make her that juice every day". My son has known my friend for his entire life, saw my stress and sadness for her, and found a way to to feel useful in an uncontrollable situation. So off to the store we went! I have been bringing her this juice for a few days now and figured I could probably benefit myself from this green goop I was making her drink. I'm not sure if my friend (who had a complete hysterectomy and is preparing for chemo) is feeling the benefits - but I bet her body is responding. What I wasn't expecting was the way my body would respond to this concoction! Day 4 of drinking this juice and I feel like a new woman!!! Since day 2, I awake alert & perky, not sluggish and without energy. Today I had the BEST workout I have had in 10 years! It's like a fog haze has been chased from my head and the old me (me in my 40's) has returned. Now granted, it's just day 4 and my body might just be in shock from all the good stuff I am pumping into it, but who cares! Even if this feeling goes away in a week, I am going to keep up with my magic juice! What will be interesting is if it has any effect on the scale....I will keep you all posted!
It was slow going, but I'm there! 198.5 this morning! I started this journey 7/13/10 at 240, had my surgery 7/28/10 and I am so thrilled with my progress! I feel stronger every day. My happiness about my weight this morning made it a snap to snub the breakfast tacos hubby brought home and choose a plum instead.
Thank you God!
Yes, it's my bandiversary! I looked back at my previous blogs and I cannot believe how much has changed, but shockingly, how much has stayed the same. I can sum up the positive changes in one instance - my husband & I went on an escape this weekend downtown (got a hotel room for the night & went out). A year ago I would not have even agreed to go. That day and night we walked all over downtown, probably over 5 miles total. A year ago, that would have killed me! We had lunch at a hotdog shack (hubby's choice), I ordered a chili cheese dog and ate 1/4 of it, avoiding the cheese & bread. A year ago I would have eaten the entire thing and more than half of the chili cheese fries hubby ordered. We walked some more & went back to the hotel to nap & "have fun". A year ago, I would have napped, then made an excuse for not being able to "have fun". I'm not gonna elaborate there, lets just say we had fun. After that, we went out for dinner at an amazing steak house. A year ago, I would have ordered everything; appetiser, salad, dinner, desert, the whole 9 yards. This time I only ordered an appetizer of pan seared Ahi tuna because of my guilt from my lunch choice! And I was totally satisfied. Then we walked some more and found a place with an awesome band, and I danced! I danced like a fool! A year ago, I would have already been in bed, overstuffed and exhausted from and exertion! It was a great getaway for us, because of the changes the lapband has made for me.
Ok, now on to what hasn't changed. I still eat when I get stressed. I still eat when I am happy. If I find a loophole (when I find a food that my band doesn't hate) I over indulge. Living with my band is an organic, ever changing thing that I still have to force myself to learn from.
I have learned so much this year and am so thankful for that! I know if I hadn't been "banded" when I was, my life would not be in the positive place it is now.
OK, size 12 means different things to different people. To me it means "I'm there", "I'm normal". So I am still a good 20 pounds away from what me & my doctor thing I should weigh, size 12 is still unreachable in my mind. Today my hubby & I went to the mall out of boardom and he found some things for me to try on..."What size are you now?" he asked..."12!" I said knowing noooooo way. I got in the dressing room & just for laughs tried on one of the 12's...it fit, they all fit. Holy crap, I have not fit in a 12 for over 15 years. They must have changed the way they size things, right?
Hi fellow bandster bloggers. It's been a while since I have blogged, not much has happened until this week. Still trying to ditch the last 15 of my 90 lb goal. Haven't been able to exercise because of a hernia that will be repaired at the end of the month & honestly, I haven't been watching my fat intake with my calories. I have indulged in chicken wings on Sundays while watching football, Mexican food, oreos (just one time!), and other bad choices like that. I have kept my calories in check though...so what's the harm, right? If I eat 5 wings at 600 calories and have a light breakfast & low cal salad for dinner, I'm OK right? I wasn't gaining, so all is good. I thought the same for the other foods, I have been doing this for months.....
Then Thursday came. It started with a pain across my ribcage that felt like severe gas. I lied down on the coach for a few minutes and it went away. An hour later it hit again, the pain was so severe I thought I was having a heart attack. I was covered in sweat and shaking, my right arm hurt and was numb. My neighbor brought me some gas-x but that didn't help so she called 911. Of course the pain was gone when EMS got here, so again I thought it was severe gas. My heart was OK, so everyone went home. An hour later the 3rd one hit, this time my neighbor took me to the ER. After being poked & probed for hours, a sonogram revealed that my gallbladder was full of stones and has to be removed, surgery is on Monday.
My doctor said many things could attribute to this; large weight loss in a short period of time, consumption of fatty foods and hereditary, to name a few. I hit the trifecta with the first three. After a call to my mother I found out my dad had his gallbladder removed after years of issues with it.
Apparently gallstones occur in a large number of people who have had WLS and have lost a substantial amount. I don't remember reading about this in the brochures, but it should have been obvious to me that my food choices, once again, needed to be in check. So please, fellow bandster, keep away from fatty, fried foods!
Getting closer! My goal to get below 200 was for November 1st, but it looks like I will be there a lot sooner! I feel fantastic, better than I have in years! It's been a little rough the past few weeks. I have had to get back to basics and really stop and listen to my body and distinguish the difference between "it's noon so it's time too eat" and "I'm not hungry, so it's not time to eat". Once I did that, the scale started moving again.
I did make a bad mistake last night with one of my old habits. I was making dinner for the kids and "tested" the chicken to make sure it was done (I calculated that in the past I was "testing" about 200 calories before I even sat down for dinner). I wasn't even thinking, popped it in my mouth...it was dry...didn't chew very well.....I was in pain for 2 hours with that darned stuck chicken! That hopefully will teach me NOT to "test" anymore!! I am sticking to fish for a while....
My next goal: This may sound weird, but I love taking pictures at my kid's games. I have a great camera & lens and I get some incredible football photos. However, they are all at the same level because I am not able to squat down. Well, technically I probably could, but won't even try for fear of not being able to hoist myself back up! So, my next goal is to be able to get lower so I can get the player's facial expressions and not just helmet & shadows.
I owe this all to the strength & love God has given me. I pray every chance I get for it all to continue! Thank you God!!!
OK, so I thought I had prepared myself mentally, but boy was I wrong! I worked myself and my stomach (which made things so much worse) into such a tizzy, that they ended up having to remove 4 of the 6 DROPS they added. If only I knew how easy a fill would be prior, things would have gone so much smoother!
So, to my friends who have yet to have a fill:
1. It does NOT hurt! I am the biggest baby when it comes to needles, and I swear, I did not even feel a tenth of what I do when they take blood!
2. Relax and be calm. The band does react to stress (makes sense, we all feel stress in our stomachs!) and can make the fill very uncomfortable.
I go back in 2 weeks and I know it will go better!!!
I got on the scale this morning.....119.5! I have lingered in the 220's for almost 5 years now, so I thought a special goodbye was in order.........
Goodbye cruel 220's. You started as a burst to 222 one day 5 years ago, when I discovered the Picato Burrito at my favorite Tex Mex place. I tried to beat you back down to the teens, but you would have nothing of it. Instead, you let me hover from 225-228 for years. I joined a gym, you laughed, I started Weight Watchers, you showed me the new pizza place around the corner. You actually let me sneak to 118 once when I was on Jenny Craig, but 2 weeks later you lured me back in. Your grip only loosened last year when you allowed me to venture into the 230's...you guys must be friends. It's been a long, bumpy (and lumpy) ride 220's, but good riddance. I am stronger than you now. I will never see you or the bad habits and bad choices I need to be in you again! Now on to the battle of the teens!
Thank you my glorious God for the strength you have given me!!!
209 this morning! No more teens! Started this journey 7/13/2010 at 240. Looking forward to saying goodbye to the 200's all together!
Thank you God! Have a great weekend everyone!
Well, it's been 4 weeks since surgery! Today I am officially released to do whatever I want at the gym, and boy did I ever go at it this morning!!! I woke up at 6:00am to make sure I got there...something that never, ever, ever would have happened before I started this amazing journey. Another poster commented about reading labels at the store now, and even though it takes twice as long to shop, it is so worth it not to bring junk into the house. I am sickened by what I used to fill my shelves with. The kids didn't eat it so who was I buying it for? Hmmmmmm, my butt knows the answer to that one. My 14 year old son is thrilled that we get to all eat the same things now (he is an athlete like his sister and looks at food as fuel....hmmmmmm....I think they were switched at birth lol).
My daughter left for college a week ago and for the first time since I can remember, I did not drown myself in food and wine to dull the heart ache. Instead, I faced my emotions and let them pour out in tears as I sat on her bed after we got back from dropping her off! A much healthier way to deal for me!
I am still staying strong and on plan. No major temptations, though curbing the boredom eating and monitoring portions have been challenging. I have not lost anything in 2 weeks, but when I take my total loss & divide it my the 6 weeks since I started, it's still a 4lb+ a week loss. I'll take that! I get my first fill on 9/1 and am ready/nervous/thinking I don't need one (I don't like needles!). My counselor at True Results says that's when the real weight loss starts. I'm ready!
Thank you God for this chance at a new life and for the strength you have given me!!!
I remember last Memorial day well. My son was participating in his first triathlon. I was 70lbs heavier, waddling around the thousands of athletes taking pictures of my son and the city. My legs and feet were swollen and sore by the end of the day and I was exhausted. I remember feeling so low, so sad, so hopeless, so out of place among all those healthy, active people.
This Memorial day I still had my camera...but gave it to my husband so he could take pictures of our son doing his second triathlon and ME participating in my first! (just the bike leg on a relay team this year). I was standing in the bike corral surrounded by thousands of bikes watching the sun come up and it all hit me.... How far I have come, how much my life has changed, how I don't feel out of place anymore. I cried a little, said a prayer & kicked butt for 20ks! Next year....first Tri on my own. Let's see what this next year brings!
October was not a good month for me. A lot of stressfull things happened and I returned to some bad habits with out even realizing it. I only lost 2 pounds, so I scheduled another fill and it snapped me back on track! I need to dig deep and figure out why it was so easy for me to not take better care of myself. Another step in the journey! I am going to try and post a before and now picture...hope it works!
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Well, its a week past my post op appointment and I haven't lost anything since! I am down 25 since 7/13 and am very pleased with that, so I am not discouraged. I think I hit a plateau because I am having trouble eating enough calories - about 1000 a day (trying to get to 1200). I boosted my exercise today, so that should help. Anyone else experiencing this?
OK, so I have been avoiding my blog for a while. Why? Because I don't have my normal "everything is going great" things to write. Truth is, I have not been a good bandster for a while....learned how to eat & drink around the band. So, in trying to break old habits, I am going to put my bad stuff out there instead of hiding from it and pretending it doesn't exist. So where to start....one example; I found that I have trouble with grilled chicken breast, gets stuck easily and can be painful. Then I found that chicken in a burrito with beans & bad bad cheese doesn't give me any problems. So I am back at my favorite Mexican place that helped get me to over 240 in the first place. I have also found that if dinner gives me issues, the wine I have with it doesn't so having a liquid dinner is getting a little too easy. I have also slacked off with exercising. I have gained 4 pounds for the first time since being banded. Not the direction I need to go.
So why? What the heck, WHY? I KNOW better for crying out loud! I am 20...no wait, now make that 24...pounds from my goal! The holidays aren't an excuse, I did have a fabulous Thanksgiving and haven't been tempted at parties or anything like that. This is just me not letting me reach my goal. Why? Where is my earlier resolve, that drive I had even before I got banded. Why is the old me rearing it's ugly head again? I surgically altered my body to get rid of that part of me, and she just won't leave! Time to delve a little deeper, time to get back to basics, crap...here I go again. I knew this was a journey when I signed up, I just thought I was stronger this time and wouldn't face so many hills along the way.
Like another bandster who wrote about a comment she got on her narrow hips, I have never heard those words come from my husband's mouth! Let alone anyone's! All these years I bought clothes to try and disguise or hide my butt, now I have to look for clothes to NOT hide them! Laugh out flippin loud!
Thank you God for all of the little miracles!
I really should have started this earlier, but guess I wasn't ready to get real and honest. Not sure if I'm ready now...but here goes!
July 13th was the first day of my pre-op diet. I said a proper goodbye to all my favorites the week before, including a big bottle of vodka...ok...maybe 2 (being honest here). I said a prayer that morning asking for strength, and BOY did someone ever hear me! I embraced my new way of eating and not drinking right then & there. Thanks be to God, without his love I would not be where I am!
The 2 weeks before surgery flew by and I stayed on track almost 100%. Even when we went to Dallas for 3 days. I did splurge on sugar free yogurt and a few Adkins snacks, but I always was mindful of my carb limit....I was scared that I had blown my liver up so much that the doctor would not be able to find my stomach! So I kept those carbs low!!!
So here I am, day 3 after surgery. I am up earlier than I have been in years - voluntarily - and I just enjoyed a beautiful sunrise with my dog & a cup of tea. I am so thankful for this life change, and I pray that I stay on track. I have told God that I am not just changing my body, but my life.
OK, time to try and put something else on besides jammies and get outside and walk before it gets too hot!
When you go to reply to a blog, which so many of us do, it goes to a personal message for some reason. Am I doing something wrong? Or does this new format just suck all over?????
Not only do I look better, my dinner plate looked fantastic! I spent the day cooking as always, but didn't eat a little something of everything I cooked all day like I have for years. I ate a healthy breakfast before I got started and that got me through until our early dinner. I took a moment after Grace to look at what I had put on my plate. One slice of ham, one small scoop of mashed sweet potatoes (with skim milk & a little butter - not the kind with brown sugar & marshmallows! and more nutrition than white potatoes), one small scoop of scalloped potatoes and plain green beans. No rolls, no added butter, no stuffing, no gravy. I eyed the scalloped potatoes and knew that if I treated myself to the portion I had - and didn't go for seconds - that I would be OK with an extra workout tomorrow. I spent the whole dinner time enjoying my family and barely focusing on my food. I made some lovely desserts and just watched everyone enjoy them, I was full and passed on dessert (WHAT?). Oh, and we decided as a family that our new tradition for Thanksgiving is to participate in the annual Turkey Trot in our city. My son ran the 5 mile race this morning and my hubby & I walked all over town following him, then we figured why not grab our daughter & join him!
So here's how the past 20 something years have gone.......huge family breakfast with eggs, tortillas, sausage & hash browns, then I cook all day "sampling" everything to make sure it was OK to serve. As I made deviled eggs today, I remembered last year eating at least 5 just in the sampling process. Then at dinner time, I would eat a very loaded plate with large portions of everything all topped with gravy, and a big glass of wine. I would always go back for seconds. I would focus more on my plate & what needed to be added to make it taste better...more salt? more gravy? than I would the people at the table. Then an hour later the apple pie was done. Time for a slice of that with ice cream, oh, and don't forget the pumpkin pie! I would just blow off the calories because it was Thanksgiving after all!
Wow. I can't answer why I ever let myself get there, because I honestly don't know. All I can do is be thankful for where I am and pray to God for strength to continue on this path! I love where I am in life right now and could not have gotten here without the lapband and the support of my family and everyone on here! I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving with loved ones...as long as the loved ones weren't topped with gravy or ice cream!
Finally! Got on the scale this morning and I am at 212, after hovering at 215 since 8/13! Another first for me: I kept to plan, recorded all my calories, worked out and kept positive. In the past I would have used the scale's non-movement as an excuse to binge (poor me, nothing is working...and so on). I did get nervous, and got advice from a lot of you. But in the end had complete confidence that what I was doing was right and the scale would eventually show it! I think I will celebrate with a tough workout!
Thank you all for your continued support! This blog has been so therapeutic for me! I hope everyone has a wonderful, healthy weekend!!!
The actual 1990's were wonderful for me; had both my kids, settled into our home & community, I was happy and will hang on to those memories for the rest of my life. Now the actual 191-199 weight range is another story!
Going up the scale, I remember feeling angry, depressed, ashamed, hopeless and out of control. It all started with the upper 170's and 180's when I had to quit teaching aerobics because of my knees, but that's a whole other good bye yet to come! When I hit 190, I started shopping at Lane Bryant. I would tear the Lane Bryant labels from the clothes as soon as I got home because I was so embarrassed. I started avoiding school outings and social events that I used to love. I have a memory BURNED into my head that makes me cry when I think of it. My son and I were going through old pictures and he found one of him & I in his classroom, we were both smiling, having a blast. He said "We never do this anymore". It hurts just typing this....I probably ate myself into a stupor after that one. I view the 190's as my "gateway" weight...so close to turning back, but instead I propelled myself up to over 240. OK, that was then...this is now
Going down the scale the 190's haven't been so bad. I started out squeezing myself into my old size 14 jeans and now they are loose on me. I get to feeling pretty good, and then I go clothes shopping...then those lovely mirrors remind me I have to keep going and stay on track! I have had so many sweet compliments from people, including my son's 14 year old friends! Who would think they would even notice! I have opened myself up to new friendships (something I hated doing when I was obese) and new experiences. My husband and I are like honeymooners again! I had no idea how much me being obese hurt him. He is just now sharing his feelings (as best a man can lol!). My kids are proud of me.....though they never ever said it, it pains me to think that they weren't for so long.
So, good bye 190's. A large part of my life was wasted with you. I hope I have learned from you and never see you again!
OK, that took me 2 days of contemplation & over an hour & a box of Kleenex to type! Now that I have said a proper good bye, it's off to the gym to battle the 80's!
Thank you God for your love and strength!
Does anyone get and/or know why I get a pins & needles sensation on the roof of my mouth sometimes after my first sip of liquids in the morning? It is very annoying and has only happened since I was banded.
Thanks!
I got on the scale today and I am down 18lbs from July 13th - surgery was on the 28th. I have been looking at my broth and juice as fuel and nourishment, but I can tell my body is ready for something a little more substantial. I will view these next few broth & juice days as a cleansing and preparation time needed to prepare myself for the next phase. I do feel hungry, but I know it won't last. Plus, I have not been hungry in years, this isn't going to kill me...just might make me stronger!
Project for the week: I am going to start looking for a hobby! Something that I can enjoy and grow with!
Hi fellow bandsters! I had another one of those "then & now" moments today while I was out riding my bike. We were at mile 10 when my son asked if we should stop or do 5 more. What's 5 more was my reply! And off we went.
Back before Bandolina became part of my body, that was my reaction when I would get on the scale and it was up 5 pounds. Or when I was eating just about anything....never about moving my body!
Thought I wouls share!
I stared and stared at this picture, trying to see where the real me went all those pounds ago. I don't even recognize my own face, and to think, my family & friends have seen me like this for so long. New friends think this is who I am. I have avoided being in any picture for years, I sucked it up for this one, knowing this was the last time I would look this big. The only thing I love about this picture is my beautiful daughter. I have always told her how healthy she looks and how being active keeps you healthy, I never imposed the issues I have with food and self image on her (or my son..he's just as gorgeous). Thank you God, they listen to me and didn't follow me!
Posting this picture is another step for me in being honest with myself. Facing my body head on will give me the strength to keep going and the ambition to get fit & healthy like my children!
Thank you God, again, for courage.
