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This is my journey... Enjoy :smile2:

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Help me Vote!!! Please :)

My son was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and we need to raise as much money as we can for research to help all Sensational kids diagnosed with this disorder. Not asking for monetary donation... all you have to do is click on the link below and vote everyday. The winning organization receives $1.25 million!!! So please vote with the link below LapBand Familia. I appreciate it!!!! <a href="http://My%20son%20was%20diagnosed%20with%20Sensory%20Processing%20Disorder%20and%20we%20need%20to%20raise%20as%20much%20money%20as%20we%20can%20for%20research%20to%20help%20all%20Sensational%20kids%20diagnosed%20with%20this%20disorder.%20Not%20asking%20for%20monetary%20donation...%20all%20you%20have%20to%20do%20is%20click%20on%20the%20link%20below%20and%20vote%20everyday.%20The%20winning%20organization%20receives%20$1.25%20million!!!%20So%20please%20vote%20with%20the%20link%20below%20LapBand%20Familia.%20I%20appreciate%20it!!!!%20%20%20<a%20href=" http:="" www.vivint.com="" givesbackproject="" charity="" 1022"="">">My link   <a href="http://www.vivint.com/givesbackproject/charity/1022"><img src="http://media.vivint.com/www.vivint.com/en/images/givesbackproject/givesback_banner_728x90_version_1.gif" alt="Vivint is giving away $1.25 Million to charities. Help us win!" width="728" height="90" /></a>
.Maria.

.Maria.

3
 

♪♫♪ Crazy Huband Say WHAAAT?! ♪♫♪

So I have this little problem... we'll actually, its a HUGE problem!!! *TMI* alert: Since the surgery my sex drive has disappeared!!! (had surgery Sept. '10) Its not that I don't love my husband or don't want to be with him... I just simply don't have the desire for that. So now for the past few weeks I have been accused of cheating...*sigh* My husband has this idea in his head that anytime I step out of this house its to be unfaithful to him!!! As funny as this sounds... its really breaking my heart. Its been a constant battle (almost every night) with him. I'm sick of fighting about this but he really is convinced that Im cheating and the only to calm him down is to freaking show him proof of where I've been or what I've been doing . And I know I shouldn't feed into that but its the only way I can shut him up! I don't know what to do anymore... Im really TIRED of this Bull$#!* WHAT DO I DO !?!?!? I can't take it anymore... #this is one of very few times I regret getting the surgery- Other than that.... I FREAKING LOVE MY BAND...down 65lbs and feeling great in my XL clothes
.Maria.

.Maria.

4
 

Who gets 1/8cc in their band? ♪♫?*♪

I'll tell you who.... ME!!! WTF is that about?!?!? I had my 3rd fill this past friday and when I heard that only 1/8 of a CC was put in I was so freaking confused. So now I have a total of 6.43 CCs in my band...Uuuummmmm, yea, thats Crazy!!!!! When I questioned this I was told that some people are just more sensitive to fills. Really?! I must be pretty damn sensitive then... Is anyone going through a similar situation?
.Maria.

.Maria.

5
 

♪♫*♪ It's been a minute...♪♫*♪

But I'm back!!!   Hey guys... I've been out of the loop for a while. I guess I've just been busy getting to know me . I've been spending a lot of time at the Y and around the city with my family. I just want to be everywhere all the time. And thankfully that "emotional roller coaster" is coming to a stop. But I will tell you that getting stuck is no joke, lol... when they say chew, chew, chew...DO IT! I've had my fair share so far, lol.   Oh, another thing... My confidence is peaking. I don't want to sound conceited but I LOVE looking at myself. I love fixing myself up everyday and taking pictures. You know, If you look good, you feel good. So I take that extra time for myself everyday and fix myself up, even if its just a coat of mascara and lip gloss. Its a huge confidence booster .   For those of you who want to know if you'll be able to ever drink again: Yes, yes you can . For those 20 somethings who still have yet to experience life and the club/bar scene doooooo iiiittttt!!!! (Just know you're taking in a large amount of empty calories so plan your day accordingly) I had a blast this past weekend at my cousins bday party. Although I can't hang like everyone else anymore, its ok. Before it would take a good 9/10 shots of tequila to get me... now, sadly, its 3..lol. But its cool, its way cheaper now, lol.   So quick update: NOTHING in my closet fits ( not even my bras & panties...tmi i know) but its freaking amazing. Last week I went to see Pauly D (yumm!) and I had to buy a whole new outfit. The only thing that really bothers me is the extra cash I have to put up to buy and buy and buy. I went from a size 24/26 to 18/20 so I need the clothes. Ay dios mio, tengo muchas problemas... (in my sarcastic voice)   As far as eating goes... I really don't have much restriction anymore. I go for my second fill tomorrow so I'm excited about that.   P.s: Im living life... who would have thought? "If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good" -The incredible Dr. Seuss
.Maria.

.Maria.

2
 

♫?*Dear God, It's me Maria*?♫

So I had my very first fill yesterday (11/4)!!! The Doc put in a total of 4.5ccs and I feel pretty comfortable with that :laugh:. Here's my story:   So I wake up in the morning a nervous wreck just thinking about the fill. (For those of you who don't know, I have a needle phobia! :crying:). The whole time I'm feeling sick to my stomach convincing myself to go to this appointment. So I get dressed, brush my teeth and go.   Once I get there the Doc has me lay on top of the machine which by the way has a really thin table. My only thought at that moment was "OMG, am I going to brake this?! Is it going to hold me up?!". (It was able to hold me, lol)   So there I am... laying on this table trembling. Not because it was cold but because I was terrified. "Theres really nothing to be worried about" he says while taking x-rays (yeah, ok). He then explains the whole process and I'm just laying there wanting to $h1t my pants :sad:.   He goes to clean the area with like a wipe and I jump , then he assures me that there's nothing to be worried about, to just breath. So I put my hands behind my head and I just breath (eyes closed at this point and sending God like 500 prayers at once :cursing:)   Now here comes the scary part , well, for me at least. He pokes me with a needle and injects the anesthesia... the whole time its going in I feel the pinch from the needle and a burning sensation. He said it was normal and does it again (Ay diosito santo! :crying:) The worst part is OVER!!! HOLLA!!!! :thumbup:   He the does his thing with the fill needle and all that good stuff. Meanwhile Im still looking up at the ceiling and feel nothing .   He puts in 7 ccs then has me drink from that chalky liquid... I felt this intense burp trying to find its way out along with the liquid (FYI: too many ccs). So he takes out 2ccs leaving me with 5. I still kinda felt the burping sensation so he took out 1/2 and I felt fine.   He then sends me to the waiting room and says that I can't leave until I finish the cup of water that he gave me. It took me a little while but I did it. And off I go.   I feel good... not really hungry anymore. And I guess I kinda over reacted . It's not as bad as you think its gonna be. Oh, I and have to do 48hours of stupid clear liquids! Blah! Then off to explore the new and mystical land of Real Food, yay me!
.Maria.

.Maria.

2
 

♫?* Im a Bad, Bad Girl!!! *?♫

So I planned a Halloween party for my students today (I teach sunday school) and I did some very bad things :tongue:.   First off, there was a Kit Kat calling my name... I swear it was telling me "eat meeeee". So what did I do?...*sigh* I ate it. Then I swore up and down... telling myself its ok, everyone has a slip up, I just have to be really good the rest of the day. So that was the end of that.   We then went to mass and when we got out of there the left over pizza slices were calling. At that point I was super hungry :tt1: (all I had in the AM were a protein shake & that dumb kit kat). So what happened? A slice of Pizza found its way to my mouth... and with that... a Reeces Pieces...Ay dios mio!!!   We get to my moms and a few hours later another slice magically finds its way into my mouth. Why do I do this to myself?!?! :drool: A few Hours after that... another sneaky slice makes its way :ohmy:.   Total Stupidness Consumed = 3 slices of pizza, 1 Kit Kat, 1 Reeces Pieces   All this during the end of my 5th week on the FULL LIQUID DIET!!! :thumbup:. Im so disgusted with myself...I hate myself for doing this . I've put so much damn work into this journey so far just to F*$% up the way I did. I know I'm stronger than this. I let the old me take over and I just gave in :sad:. How can I give in so easily?! Has anyone ever slipped up this bad? Am I being too hard on myself? I just can't believe the way this day went down. What was I thinking?!?!:wub:
.Maria.

.Maria.

7
 

♫?* Today feels like a Zumba day!!!*? ♫

So I went to the surgeons office today and I'm officially down 30lbs!!! YAY! He says everything looks great and I'm doing a great job, "yay me" :tt1:. Best part: I finally got the ok to start working out :drool: ... Zumba: Here I come!!   I also get my first fill next thursday... I'm scared!!! :tongue: But the Doc says they numb the area first... so we'll see how that goes :thumbup:   P.s: I LOVE MY BAND!!!:wub:   [ATTACH]437[/ATTACH]
.Maria.

.Maria.

1
 

♫?* 2 weeks out *?♫

I think Im starting to feel hunger now :huh2:. And those stupid soups are not filling me up! Im so done with soup its not even funny. Just putting it in my mouth makes me wanna gag!!! Oh.. and never in my life do I wanna see yogurt and pudding :cursing:!!!   It's soo crazy that everyone on here has a way different diet plan after surgery. I was reading about a "Mushy" stage. WTF!!!!:thumbup: Why dont I get a freaking mushy stage :crying:?!?! No... all I get is a 6 week full liquid stage and then on week 7: Real food. WTH is that about?   So my diet pretty much consists of whatever I had for the clear liquid diet and yogurt, milk, and creamy soups (blended) :thumbup:. So yea....Week 2.   In the beginning of last week I did something really bad :frown:... I cheated. But shhhhhh, my husband doesn't know :wink2:. I took like 3 bites of a pizza but spit them out. Then I ATE the 4th bite :crying:. We then went to the mall and I had my first experience with "Dumping Syndrome"!!!! All I have to say is OMG!!!!!! Guys... It is sooooo not worth it!!!! Worst thing that ever happened to me.   Just so you know... I have a HUGE public bathroom phobia. I literally cry whenever I have to go into one :crying:. But this "Dumping syndrome" is no joke and that phobia didn't help . It was just a really bad experience. One that I can promise will never happen again (intentionally anyway).   This might be TMI but thats ok... maybe someone will learn from my stupid mistake.   Ps. I still have the shoulder pain.... which sucks! But no gas... woo-hoo!!! (oh, and gas-x did nothing 4 me)
.Maria.

.Maria.

2
 

♫?* Day after surgery ♫?*

WOW!!!! Im feeling pretty good. And honestly, the pain wasn't all the bad . The only thing really killing me is this cotton mouth. I can't drink anything until the results come back from the Upper GI.   It all happened so quick. They gave me some meds to calm my nerves before surgery and then they gave me the anesthesia through the IV, I was out in a flash. And I don't remember a thing!!!:ohmy:.   After that they brought me to my room and I was super drowsy. Whenever I felt any discomfort I called the nurse for meds as soon as I started to feel it. (Don't wait until you're really feeling it because it takes about 30min for them to actually come in).   Right now I'm waiting to see the surgeon and for them to give me the OK to go home. Pretty good experience overall. Nothing to fear guys... :smile:   Your newly Bandend friend, Maria :tt1:
.Maria.

.Maria.

10
 

*?♫ Its not you, Its me! ♫?*

Dear Food,   I'm terribly sorry I had to do this through a letter...but its not you, Its me. This is not easy for me at all, honestly. I really don't care for you anymore, thats just the way it is.. Don't let it get you all upset. This love and hate relationship has spun out of control and it has to come to an end, TODAY! :ohmy:   It is because of your history of deception that keeps me from being even remotely interested in continuing this relationship with you.:smile:   I think you'll find someone to love and control again. Unfortunately, it won't be me. :tt2:   Until next time, Maria   Today is the big day guys!!! I will be off to surgery at 10am. I will keep you all posted :tt1:
.Maria.

.Maria.

7
 

♫* Tomorrow is the BIG day ♫*

WOW!!! It's finally here... the moment I have been waiting for . I will officially be banded tomorrow. :ohmy: Is it a little weird that I'm not nervous? That I'm finally ok with what is going on and I'm not freakin' out at all. :smile:. YAY!!! Wish me luck!!!!     For all of us getting banded tomorrow: God, grant us the... Serenity to accept things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can, and the Wisdom to know the difference Patience for the things that take time Appreciation for all that we have, and Tolerance for those with different struggles Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.
.Maria.

.Maria.

2
 

*?♪♫ My mind is F'ing w/ me!♪♫?*

I really started thinking about the surgery last night and I just started freaking out , which led to some crying. All the negative and crazy thoughts started crossing my mind :bored:. So I look to my husband for some comfort and encouraging words... and what does he do? He keeps on snoring :sneaky:. So there I am in the dark, feeling all alone with these crazy thoughts in my head :mad:. And then I started watching Grey's Anatomy since I couldn't sleep... oh God, what was that for?!? :smile:   But I'm ok today :thumbup:   I received a call from the hospital telling me that they changed my surgery for 10am instead of 1:30pm... YAY! :crying: It's gonna be great!!! :wub:
.Maria.

.Maria.

8
 

♫?*??♪♫ Blech!!!! ♪♫?*??♪

If I drink another can of chicken or beef broth I'm gonna freakin' vomit!!! Most disgusting thing I've ever had to swallow. And don't get me started on the damn Jello!!! :thumbup: I don't know if I can make it until Monday. This clear liquid diet is sooo gross. :smile2: I'm so hungry I tried licking my husbands fingers while he was eating his flamming hots :thumbup:. Please tell me it gets better.... :thumbup:.
.Maria.

.Maria.

6
 

♫?*??♪♫ yessss!!!!!! ♪♫?*??♪

I got the call today!!! I have been approved by the insurance and my surgery date is September 27th!!!! I can't believe it!!! This is really happening!!!! :thumbup: Thank you God Almighty... Lord please guide these surgeons and please allow me to have a safe and quick surgery/recovery. :tt1: I hope the surgery goes as smooth as possible. I've been praying about this... hoping that it would happen.   :thumbup::w00t::thumbup::w00t::smile2::w00t::w00t:   Im getting nervous and soooo many things are running through my mind right now.... Oh gosh.
.Maria.

.Maria.

8
 

♪♫?*?*?.??♪♫ sigh ♪♫?*?*?.??♪♫

So here I am. Waiting, waiting, and waiting. :frown: Anxious to find out if I have been approved or not. Although I'm pretty sure I will be, I just want a surgery date. I want to get this surgery over with.   It took me a long time to figure out wether or not to go with it :thumbup:. I had many doubts while deciding. Am I making the right choice? Will this really work? Will I die on the table? Will I wake up from the anesthesia? Will I ever be able to eat again? Will I ever be able to ride a roller coaster? Play sports? What are my parents going to think? Most importantly... what's God going to think?::laugh: *SIGH* It was a long while before I decided to go ahead with the surgery :bored:.   Then I found this website and started reading non stop :w00t:. I am on here almost everyday and I always learn something new :cool2:. I love hearing the good, the bad and the ugly. I want to absorb as much as I can. I think that the more I know, the more comfortable I feel with my decision.   I've let my weight spiral out of control after I had my son was born. I wasn't exactly skinny before my son but I loved my body. I thought I was a good size and I felt good about myself. I need that confidence back. I need my energy back. I need ME back :wub:.
.Maria.

.Maria.

6
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