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Yesterday

Well I didn't blog yesterday because I had to be at work so early and Robert got up with me and I have to spend time with him so it is hard to have him awake and be sitting at the computer. I feel guilty. I try to blog at work but I can't always because people are always looking over your shoulder to see what you are doing and since they don't know that I have had surgery, that isn't a good idea. Wish people would mind their own business. Work was so easy yesterday for being a Saturday, no one came in. I got 2 sales out of it but those were the only sales that came in. I was glad to get them. My eating was good, I had an avocado for breakfast, a cup and a half of chili for lunch. We went to Red Robin's for dinner and I got one of their new burgers and took about 5 small bites out of it and ate 4 french fries. The bun was so big that I didn't want to risk getting stuck. That was at 5:00 so about 8:00 I had another avocado and a handful of nuts. So that wasn't bad eating. I did weigh this morning to see where I was at and I weighed in at 227 so I am glad I haven't gained anything more than 1 lb. We are going to the book store today and I am going to buy Shrink Yourself. I read about it in the forum's and want to see what it is about. Robert finished his quickbooks certification so he is happy about that. Hasn't gotten any calls back from any CPA firms but he still holds out hope of getting his business off the ground or working with someone else. He is so smart that it would be a shame to let all his education go to waste. I want to get back to 226 by Tuesday so we are going to the gym today and tomorrow night after work. I just have to lose some weight before I go for my next fill. I think it is the hardest to go to the gym at night so by me getting up so early I might start going in the morning but I heard that the lanes get busy early so I would have to go about 5:00 and since that is the time I wake up it shouldn't be a big deal. I'm on my 5th cup of coffee and it tastes so good this morning. I love coffee. I'm pretty bored right now since Robert is sleeping and I have nothing to do on Cafe World and Farmville. They are all taken care of. I have to make an appt with the doctor to see if any of my medications come in a liquid form since I am having a hard time swallowing them. They aren't very big but they try and come up every morning. Maybe I should wait until later in the day to take them. My nighttime pills go down fine. We stayed up until about 10:30 last night and that was like staying up forever for me since I am usually asleep by 8:00. I slept until 6:00 so that was good. I guess I have gotten all the sleep that I needed to. My mother had the salmon burger wrapped in lettuce and she gave me the leftover's to bring home. I don't know if I will eat it because I've never had salmon wrapped in lettuce before and it didn't look that good. I feel like I am all over the place on today's blog but there is so much inside my head that I have to get out and it just comes to me at certain times. My friend Kim from work is leaving her husband after 15 years. She has applied for an appt and she got rid of 2 of her dogs and still has to get rid of the long-haired chihuahua. Harley doesn't like being around strangers so it will be hard for him to get adopted. The corgi and st. bernard went fast. She had just put them up for adoption yesterday at work. She is having a hard time with everything but I think she will be okay for the most part. She is just tired of being ignored. She is a cute girl and has one daughter that is 10 years old so she will have Samantha there with her. She says her husband doesn't pay any attention to her and he just plays his playstation and talks to his friend on the phone. He sleeps in the recliner so he is never in the bed unless he wants sex. Just not a good place to be in. I feel for her. She came to work crying the other day because she touched him and he got mad at her for waking him up. She cried and cried and couldn't stop crying. It was awful. So she went home. Yesterday at work all she was doing was texting on her phone to people because her husband wouldn't talk to her about the situation. She was driving me crazy because people would come in and wait in line and she was in the backroom texting. Good thing we weren't busy. I don't have alot planned for today since Robert is a dad to the dogs and has no kids we don't really have anything to celebrate. He will call his dad later today and wish him a happy father's day. I'm glad he doesn't have children because they are hard sometimes and I don't think I would be a good step-mother since I don't have a lot of patience. I am glad my daughter is grown and gone because she drives me crazy just being where she is and living the life that she does. It isn't the life I would lead but she is happy. She has been looking for a job but hasn't found one. He is working finally and she stays home. Their tv is going out so I am going to send some money for them to get another one. She is my girl and I try to take care of her by sending her packages and money when I can. I just went over the itenerary for our trip to Vegas in Aug, I can't wait. My mother bought us tickets to see Phantom of the Opera there at the Venetian so that should be nice. She doesn't know where the seats are but it should be fun anyways. Well that is all that I have to say for today. Hope you have a good one.
khunt719

khunt719

0
 

up early again

I got up early to come into work to get some more OT, I figure as long as they are offering it I'll take it. Yesterday was a very relaxing day, I did about 250 drops for my 8 hours and then some receipts to add equip to accounts. So it wasn't bad. We have a new security guard so who knows how he will be. It is nice to have the regular security guards around because they know they have to be inside the lobby to help out if a customer becomes unruly. I found a station on Sirius that is 70's and 80's music and I really enjoy it because I was getting tired of the 2000's and above. They just play the same music over and over. I bought my lottery tickets so wish me luck. It is like 7.5 mil and that would come in handy. I ate ok last night, had a big fat hot dog with relish and ketchup on it and it was yummy since I hadn't had one in forever. It was the perfect size. Then I had some strawberries with whipped cream on them and that was a nice change. I still have lost any weight and only have 1 week to lose at least a few lbs before going for my next fill. So I think I'll do protein for breakfast, chili for lunch and a hot dog for dinner. Skip the strawberries and nuts. Maybe that will inspire my body to lose some weight. It has been too hot to walk the dogs after work and I leave to early to walk them before hand so I haven't been getting my usual exercise. By the time I get home I am so tired from getting up early I rarely have the energy to work out and I know that is my downfall and I really need to do that. I wore my smaller jeans today and they put pressure on my stomach so hopefully that will keep me from over-eating today. I brought my chili and there wasn't much left but it was enough to almost fill my 1.7 cup container so maybe I will eat half and save the other half for tomorrow depending on how hungry I am by lunch. Work has been a killer with people in a bad mood and that really stresses you out and makes me want to go back to my ways before surgery of eating to deal with my problems or bad days. I just have to keep things in perspective on what I can and can't eat. I'll take a little break from doing receipts and go get a coffee from 7-11. they have pretty good coffee and I've only had 4 cups so far this morning usually my limit is 6 and I am ready for the day. I've been wearing my glasses instead of my contacts because my eyes get very dry from looking at the computer screen all day. So that means I haven't been able to wear any make-up since I can't get close enough to the mirror to put it on. It is a shame because I have about $500 in make up and don't get to use it. I went crazy one month and bought about $300 of Mac makeup and my husband thinks I have a problem with impulsive shopping so I had the doctor put me on Adderral for it and it is supposed to curb your appetite at the same time so I hope that is helping, it must be since I only eat 2 times a day. I ordered some BE protein in new flavors since they have been out of the ones I like so I'm excited to try them. Well that is my day for now. I'll let you know if anything exciting happens.
khunt719

khunt719

0
 

225.5

Yep that is what I weighed in at this morning. I know I told you I wasn't going to weigh in until Tuesday but I was so excited, I had to do it today. I ate so good yesterday and I knew food wouldn't be an issue for me since all I had was a cup of olives, 7 hot wings, and 2 crackers with spread ( it was so good). I can't believe I am under 226. It has taken me a month to get under 226. I am so happy. I just know this month I will be able to get under 220 by the time I go to the doctor for my next fill on July 13th. Ha ha I know I can do it. I am taking a piece of eggplant parm for lunch and I'll have s/f oatmeal for breakfast. I'm going to try and have something to eat for breakfast instead of just a protein shake hoping that will make a difference. We also went swimming at the gym yesterday and I swam for 40 min so that helped. We are going to go tonight. I'll come home from work and walk the dogs and then go swim. It is nice because it gives me a chance to relax and take time to let everything go from the day. I really can't wait to go to work today. I just want this week to be over fast and hopefully we will be slow. Today is the end of the sales goals period and then tomorrow we start another month and new goals. I hit all mine this period so I'm not worried about getting a write up or a coaching so that takes a load off my mind. My husband is just wonderful, we spent yesterday together and did some shopping, went by the bank, got gas, and then to the gym. To end the day we went to Sonic where I got a diet cherry limeaid...my favorite. It keeps me so full and takes me a while to drink it. Oh and we also went by the book store to get Shrink Yourself about emotional eating and it has some good information in it. Like being powerless when it comes to eating and that is why we can't say no. It is something that I will finish and tell you about. Hoping that it will help me not gorge my self at night. That is the worse time for me. I have to cook some Chicken Pot Pie on my Cafe World in 10 minutes. I love Cafe World and I like the way my cafe looks. At first I had everything in pink and then change to the pyramid theme. It gives me something to do in the mornings. Instead of eating I sit here and listen to Sirius and do my cafe and write on here. Next month I have to start looking for shows to go see in Vegas. I want to go to a topless show because I have never been to one but my husband doesn't want to go. He says he has seen enough boobs in his life so he doesn't need to spend money seeing more. I can appreciate that but I have never been to one so I wanted to go so maybe I will go alone. I don't know what it is about seeing medically enhanced boobs but I just have never been to a show where there is dancing and singing with the fancy costumes before. Maybe he will come around. If not I love him for not wanting to go. It probably will just make me feel inadequate. I do want to get a boob job after I lose the weight because I had a breast reduction in 1999 and went from a DD to a large B and now they are C's. I want to go back to having perky tits like when I was 14. I have never had perky tits since then because they grew too big too fast and just hung down. I can remember how big they got when I had my daughter, boy they were big. And then they went back to being DD's. Robert says mine are perky now but I want them to be full and stand out but he says mine are perfect. I'm trying to grow my hair long because I have never had really long hair, just to my shoulders and I want to be able to pull it into a ponytail for vacation since it will be hot out there. I have 10 weeks to lose 25 lbs. It is doable but will take extra hard attention to my eating and exercise routine to get enough calories burned to lose the weight. That's 2.5 lbs a week. It will be hard but I know I can atleast lose 15 lbs if anything. I want to get to 223 by next Monday so I will work hard to reach this goal. I don't think it is out of my reach so I know I can do it. I'll keep you updated on my progress. Take care and have a good day.
khunt719

khunt719

0
 

The scale won't budge

I don't know why but the scale just isn't moving fast enough for me. I woke up this morning and weighed in at 227.5. I have to be 226 by Tuesday and that is where I was last time I went for my fill. I was so hungry last night I ate a hot dog and a can of pea's. I sometimes can eat alot and then other times not eat hardly at all, so what gives there? yesterday we went to get our award, I had 2 eggs before I left and work brought McDonalds right when I got there to leave to Denver. How was I going to eat McDonalds? So I was starving throughout the day. We took a break and they had drinks and snacks for us...none which I could have but I did grab a diet soda hoping the carbonation would fill up my stomach so I wouldn't be so hungry. Boy did it ever. It took me about 2 1/2 hours to drink half of it and my stomach felt like it had to burst. So now I know I can't have bottled soda. I occassionaly go to Sonic and get a diet cherry limeade which doesn't give me any trouble but I let it sit long enough for the fizz to leave. This morning coffee is my best friend...it tastes so good and is hot and really helps open me up so I can have my protein shake later on. I don't know what I am going to take for lunch today. Probably a little thing of vegetables since we have no protein in the house. I told Robert we had to go to Sam's tonight or this weekend since I am off to buy some fish for me to take. Fish goes down easy and it tastes so good. I get the salmon filet that is already seasoned and is so good. But I don't have any right now. I do however have some shrimp scampi but since I got stuck on shrimp earlier this month I don't know if I want to risk it again or just chew chew chew. I know that was my problem before. I didn't chew it like I should have I'm sure and it got stuck. My husband has been trying to complete this quickbooks certification course and it is draining on him. He feels like all he does is study and take tests...I can attest that he gets cranky when he has been at the computer all day. He did his bookkeeping clients in a couple of days so now he has the month to do this training. Boy being a CPA really takes a toll on you. I finally got my BE protein shakes and I bought the melon and peanut butter. The peanut butter is really good kinda thick though more like it has real peanut butter in it. I haven't been brave enough to try the melon so I'll send some to my mother's tomorrow and let her try it first and if she likes it and I don't then I'll give it to her and I'll buy some more chocolate and caffe latte. I haven't tried the cinnamon yet but I don't really go for cinnamon. After yesterday from sitting all day, the bus ride up there, sitting through speeches, sitting on the bus ride home, my back is killing me. It hurts right where the tailbone ends. If I move any it hurts. That is where I was getting injections about every 3-4 months and they seemed to help for a short while but it is just sitting that hurts it the worst. I took my little shoulder sling purse so there was no room for percocet so I worked it out and was just in pain for the day. Now just sitting here it hurts, thank goodness we have a big computer chair. We got 2 shirts yesterday, I got my polo a 4x and it just hangs on me like a night shirt. My friend Lisa says I still have the fat girl image stuck in my head. I could have easily went to a 3x or even a 2x but I like them to cover my body so no one can see how big I really am. The other shirt came in a woman's XL so I know that it will be about another 25 lbs before I can fit into it. I have this nice yellow blouse that has a see-through shirt to go over the tank top. It is a 2 piece and I wore it when I was down to 200 lbs so I know once I am able to fit into it, I will have reached thinner...not skinny, that is 175 lbs but thinner. I love that blouse and only wore it once. It is beautiful and I bought it from Kohl's...the "I can't shop until I lose weight store." They have good bargains and nice clothes but I have to get to 200 lbs before I go back there. It would only depress me more to go in and not be able to try anything on. So I guess I'll do the elliptical in a few minutes...I'll try to do 10 min today. The doctor wants me to do 20 min but try that at my weight in one session and it is hard but I can break it up to 10 min in the morning and 10 min at night. By the time I get home from work I don't really feel like doing it. I take the dogs for their walk and I am on and off my feet all day so I know I get my walking in that way. I should start walking on my break at work that would be a 15 min walk and then I wouldn't have to do the elliptical when I get home....that would work. So how is everyone out there? Are you losing weight? running into any challenges with the band like I have? Just need a pick-me-up? Let me know I'll try to help. Have a good day and good luck losing. This is the first time I am happy about being a loser. lol:thumbup:
khunt719

khunt719

0
 

Lost 2 1/2 lbs

I watched what I ate yesterday and I'm down 2 1/2 lbs. 227 this morning. I ate pretty good yesterday and tried to watch my calorie intake. Protein shake for breakfast, cottage cheese for lunch, a piece of salmon and a cup of nuts for dinner. So that wasn't too bad. I probably could have gotten away without having the nuts but I wasn't satisfied with the fish. My husband had a bad day yesterday so we didn't get to the gym but we did walk the dogs twice so that helped. I'm taking 4-5 stool softners a day since I have a hard time going to the bathroom without them and don't know what else to do to remedy it. I think I'll just stick to protein drinks for breakfast, a piece of fish for lunch, and one for dinner that should keep my calories down for the day. That is if I can do it. This is a total mind game and I feel like I am losing most of the time. It is a battle to say no to food, even being 9 months out it is hard to say no to food. I eat smaller amounts most of the time but there are those days when food is my best friend and I just can't say no to it. My anxiety has slowed down to where I don't have to know where each meal is coming from or what it will be. I just wish I would have found this website earlier like right after I had the surgery because then I would have known what to eat and how much to eat. That was my big problem...how much to eat. It was like I was stuffing myself every time we would go out and now we take most of my meal home with us for Robert to have later that evening or the next day for lunch. Well that is what I have to say for today. Hope everyone has a good day. Only 2 more lbs before I hit 225, can't wait.
khunt719

khunt719

0
 

finally I see it

Every night when I get off work I call the husband to see what is for dinner. The night before he said let's figure out what we are eating tomorrow night so you don't have to ask. I didn't get the fact that it bothered him for me to ask...I ask every night after work, it's just a question. I've made decisions all day and don't want to have to make one when I get off. Well last night he went off when I asked about how he doesn't know what is for dinner and I always ask and that it makes him mad because he doesn't know what to say when I ask. That threw me into thinking...my life revolves around food. Food is my best friend...it is there when I am happy, sad, depressed, bored, celebrating. It is always there and I can't stop thinking about it. I think about food from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. I think about what's for breakfast, what's for lunch, and what's for dinner. I can only eat 3 times a day so food is very important to me. I even dream about it sometimes. So I've come to the conclusion that I need to focus more on what I am doing that day and take one meal at a time. You have to be prepared when you have had the surgery, you just can't pop into McDonalds for lunch and order a burger. There has to be some meal preparation and thought into what you eat. My life just revolves around food. I love to eat out even though I can't eat that much, I like the atmosphere and getting waited on, not having to cook or dirty up dishes. I love to eat out. At first I didn't because I couldn't stuff myself from the plate of goodness that sat before me but now I am getting re-adjusted and I love it. PF Chang's is my favorite because there are appetizers that I can make a meal out of and have enough to take home for another meal later on. But just having him make me think about how important food really is got to me. I hadn't realized just how important it is and how much I think about. So that is that story. I weighed this morning and finally hit 226 lbs so I feel better since this is what I weighed last month when I went in for my fill. So anything that I lose after this will be a plus. I'll tell the doctor about my 4 day binge eating feast that I had and how I gained 10 lbs in 4 days so he will know that I am human and lost alot more than what shows on the scale. I just can't believe baked beans and birthday cake were worth gaining the weight because it has taken me 1 1/2 weeks to get it off. I don't know why I chose them to be my friends for the 4 days off but I did. I think after my fill I will stick with my protein shake in the morning along with my coffee, cottage cheese or some type of meat for lunch, and a hot dog for dinner. The hot dog helps because I know I am getting more calories from it and that is what I seem to not be hitting. Maybe that is why I am not losing the weight like I think I should be. One of the series Robert and I like started on Showtime and we missed the last 4 episodes so tonight we are going to catch up with it again. I can't wait for True Blood to start but I hope it isn't as stupid as last year. The commercials look good. We also like Dexter, it is so good and coming from being a cop, I can relate to wanting to kill off the bad guys that get away with their crimes. Yes I was a cop, I made $9 an hour working as a Deputy Sheriff for the small town I lived in. Now I make more than twice that and don't have the life threatening decisions to make. All I can do these days is turn off your cable if you don't pay. It bothers me that people come in wanting extensions on their bill because they are unemployed and can't afford to pay that month of service and you look and they have the top teir of cable there is. How can you justify paying $149 for cable for one month when you don't have a job? I know cable is a big thing in people's lives and it is the only source of entertainment for some families and I'm ok with that but don't come in and give me a pity party because you are broke and have that kind of teir. Do you really need all the channels? The high definition box and the recording box? If it were me I would downsize to just basic which runs $20, keep my internet so I could look for a job. I'm more than happy to put you on a promotion for 6 months to help you get back on your feet but we look at payment history and how long you have been a customer to do that. I've been unemployed twice lost 2 jobs and didn't have another one to back it up so I understand being unemployed. In fact before I got this job at the cable company I was unemployed and this first thing I did was get rid of the cable, internet, and house phone. I had my cell phone in case I got a call about a job and would go to the library to look on the computer for a job so I understand being in a position where you don't know where the money is going to come from for the next month. I didn't get unemployment so I didn't have that to fall back on. I understand where people are coming from that are in this position. Ok enough about that. I have the day off with the husband and we are going to meet up with my mother and her boyfriend for lunch so it should be good, don't know where we are going but it should be good wherever we go. We have some shopping to do so I'll have something to eat this coming week but really I don't need much after Monday because Tuesday is my fill and I have to be on liquids for 2 days after and then mushy for 2 days after that so that takes me to Saturday before I can eat something good. I hate getting fills for this reason but like the restriction I get from them. I'm not at full restriction but I have some. I just hope this fill does the trick. Well everyone have a good day and please don't bash me on this entry.
khunt719

khunt719

0
 

yesterday was a good day

I ate very well yesterday and had no problems at all. I had an egg and 2 oz's of chopped up steak for breakfast. 5 chicken wings and a s/f jello for lunch, and then a side of cauliflower with cheese and 5 wings for dinner. Nothing bothered my stomach and all went down good. Sipped on a Route 44 diet cherry limeade all day so I got my liquids in. I had a customer go off on me right before we closed so that made my night not so good. He was just awful the way he acted but it comes with the territory. This morning my husband and I went to breakfast, I ate an egg, 3 pieces of sausage, and the insides of my toast. Don't feel over full just perfect. I'll update you tomorrow. This band seems to be working finally for me. I didn't weigh myself and plan on weighing on Tuesday. It will be 2 more weeks before my next fill, that will bring me to 9cc's in a 10cc band. All should be good.
khunt719

khunt719

0
 

A little more about my life

I believe because of my weight and the imbalance of chemicals in my brain the doctor's diagnosed me as being bi-polar. They have me on every kind of mood stabalizer and anti-depressant out there. I think I have tried everything. I'm hoping my self-esteem goes up as my weight goes down. I've tried suicide 3 times, failed at those attempts which I am glad about now. My grandmother who I was very close to was bi-polar and I seemed to have gotten all her traits. She passed away 5 years ago and I miss her still to this day. I was there when she took her last breath, holding her hand. I'll never forget that day. What kind of memories are in my head? it seems like all the bad ones, but when I remember my grandmother they are nothing but good ones. My mother is my confidant in all this because she had the band before I did. She went to Mexico and had it done, it slipped and she almost died. The surgeon had to perform emergency surgery and she got better. While she got better she gained 50 lbs in a year. So she decided to go back to Mexico and get the sleeve done. She has lost 22 lbs the first month since being back and is doing great. She is diabetic and fights her sugar levels everyday. She never knows how her body is going to react to what foods. I have a brother that I rarely talk to and he lives in AZ. I have a father that is very close to me and lives about 45 minutes away in another town and we see each other once every 2-3 months. He is a compulsive gambler and is happy with how is life is. He doesn't date, has a few friends, and works for the state prison. He is almost ready to retire. I have 2 dogs, a pekingnese name Kiko, she is a rescue dog and is 10 years old so she is getting up there. I have a chihuahua Gabby that is 1 1/2 years old. Gab is my husbands favorite and Kiko is my favorite. I had Kiko before I met my husband and we have been through alot together. Well that is a start and I'll fill you in more tomorrow. Stay tuned.
khunt719

khunt719

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