I don't know what is wrong with me but sometimes I just don't want to acknowledge that I have the band and want to eat what I want and how much I want. Well yesterday was the day. I had some jalepeno rings with half a salad for lunch. 4 ribs, a bowl of soup for dinner. About 5 hours later there was a taco bell commercial and I craved a spicy bean burrito. So we went to taco bell and I got 2 of them thinking I would eat one and put the other one in the fridge for tomorrow. Boy was I wrong. I ate both of them. I hadn't had taco bell since before I had surgery and they tasted so good. I didn't know I could hold that much. Some days it is like I can eat 1/2 cup and be full and then other days I can eat like a pig and no one would ever suspect I had weight loss surgery. If I had to do it again, I would have had the gastric bypass where you lose a lot of weight right away and then just maintain. Where when you have the band it is like a diet that you are being put on and the weight slowly creeps off. I don't want to minimize the surgery by any means but I thought the weight would come off alot easier than it is. My mother had surgery and she lost 140 lbs in the first year and a half. It was like the weight just fell off her. I'm here struggling to get even a lb off. I only go on a binge every once in a while about once every 2 weeks. And then I watch what I eat and exercise as much as I can after that day. Sometimes I do weights and 15 min on the elliptical and sometimes it is a challenge for me to do 8 min on the elliptical. I never know what my body will allow me to do. I take a prescription diet pill that gives me energy and I thought that would help and it does help curb my appetite but it is at night after it has warn off is when I have the biggest problems. I don't have any strategies on how to control this. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. My life is just floating along. My husband and I have a vacation to Vegas scheduled for Aug 29th and I want to lose 26 lbs by then so I know I need to try hard to do this. I know it won't be easy but hopefully it will happen. I have a ton of clothes for vacation and if I can't fit in them I will be very depressed. I'm in a 22-24 now and my clothes are a size 18. I know I can do this because my jean size has gone down to a 20 and fit comfortably. Just wish me luck and I hope everyone out there meets their goal as well.
So now that you know more about me and my family, I would like to introduce you to my husband. Well really he is my common-law husband. There was an ad on Craigslist for someone to go watch Harry Potter with this man. I thought he was absolutely the cutest most handsome man. I had just lost 50 lbs and was feeling good about myself and hey this was supposed to be just friends only so I wrote back that I would like to go. I knew nothing about Harry but I would have said anything to go out with this man. We met at a local store so he wouldn't know where I lived. The moment he got out of his suv, I was like this is going to be a one dater. He was so good looking and I thought I wasn't going to be good enough for him so I'm sure he would just be nice and take me to the movie and then drop me off and that would it, I would never hear from him again. We went to the movie and all I could do was hold his arm and think about how big his muscles were...yummy. After the movie, we went back to my car and we talked until 2 a.m. and then he asked when he could see me again. We went out the next night to dinner and to his place for a little bit. Then he asked when he could see me again. I was like this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. He was wonderful. I don't know if I was blown away because he paid for everything and I was used to paying for everything on a date. Or because he was giving me attention without wanting sex or because he was just happy being with me. But we set another date for 2 days later. All went well and I stayed the night. 10 days after our first date I moved in. It was just fate that we met. He had gone out with a girl the week before we went out and she never called him so I think God was just watching over me and got us together. We have been together since 8-2-07 and have been never apart since then. We do everything together. He has been through me having pulminary embolisms in both lungs, to me gaining 70 lbs. He has never said anything bad about how big I got. I've lost 44 lbs and he mentioned one time that I had gotten kind of big for a while but that was it. He is my supporter. He didn't want me to go through this surgery because my mother almost died because of the band slipping and he would be so devastated if anything like that happened to me. He saw me go through the process of writing down everything I ate, keeping track of my exercise, my monthly nutrition appts and fighting with the insurance company to get the surgery. I finally got my letter and had him open it while I was driving home. I was screaming in the phone when he read that I had been approved for the surgery. From that day it is all a blur, it went so fast. It was 3 weeks before I had surgery. We went to Vegas for a week and I ate what I wanted and then I came back and started my 10 day ritual of eating the pre-surgery diet He stayed with me the whole day I had surgery and I went home that afternoon and he took care of me not to do too much. He cleans house, does dishes, washes windows...you name it he does it. I stayed with him while he went through all his studying and testing for his CPA license. When he got it, it was such a great day because now he was a CPA and could start his own business. He is the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life.
I believe because of my weight and the imbalance of chemicals in my brain the doctor's diagnosed me as being bi-polar. They have me on every kind of mood stabalizer and anti-depressant out there. I think I have tried everything. I'm hoping my self-esteem goes up as my weight goes down. I've tried suicide 3 times, failed at those attempts which I am glad about now. My grandmother who I was very close to was bi-polar and I seemed to have gotten all her traits. She passed away 5 years ago and I miss her still to this day. I was there when she took her last breath, holding her hand. I'll never forget that day. What kind of memories are in my head? it seems like all the bad ones, but when I remember my grandmother they are nothing but good ones. My mother is my confidant in all this because she had the band before I did. She went to Mexico and had it done, it slipped and she almost died. The surgeon had to perform emergency surgery and she got better. While she got better she gained 50 lbs in a year. So she decided to go back to Mexico and get the sleeve done. She has lost 22 lbs the first month since being back and is doing great. She is diabetic and fights her sugar levels everyday. She never knows how her body is going to react to what foods. I have a brother that I rarely talk to and he lives in AZ. I have a father that is very close to me and lives about 45 minutes away in another town and we see each other once every 2-3 months. He is a compulsive gambler and is happy with how is life is. He doesn't date, has a few friends, and works for the state prison. He is almost ready to retire. I have 2 dogs, a pekingnese name Kiko, she is a rescue dog and is 10 years old so she is getting up there. I have a chihuahua Gabby that is 1 1/2 years old. Gab is my husbands favorite and Kiko is my favorite. I had Kiko before I met my husband and we have been through alot together.
Well that is a start and I'll fill you in more tomorrow. Stay tuned.
I ate very well yesterday and had no problems at all. I had an egg and 2 oz's of chopped up steak for breakfast. 5 chicken wings and a s/f jello for lunch, and then a side of cauliflower with cheese and 5 wings for dinner. Nothing bothered my stomach and all went down good. Sipped on a Route 44 diet cherry limeade all day so I got my liquids in. I had a customer go off on me right before we closed so that made my night not so good. He was just awful the way he acted but it comes with the territory. This morning my husband and I went to breakfast, I ate an egg, 3 pieces of sausage, and the insides of my toast. Don't feel over full just perfect. I'll update you tomorrow. This band seems to be working finally for me. I didn't weigh myself and plan on weighing on Tuesday. It will be 2 more weeks before my next fill, that will bring me to 9cc's in a 10cc band. All should be good.
Yesterday was a good day for eating. I had about 3/4 cup of cottage cheese and a few pieces of pineapple for lunch. 5 hot wings and a small piece of pizza for dinner and all felt really good. I work for the local cable company and working with the public can be challenging at times. There were alot of crazy people that came in yesterday. People go nuts over their cable. They can't afford food but they can have the highest package of cable there is. I brought 5 pieces of hot wings for lunch today and had a protein shake for breakfast with some coffee. So I am pretty full as it is. No new news here.
Well after the shrimp episode I said I would never do that again. So yesterday I had about a cup and a 1/2 of cottage cheese for lunch. I didn't drink before so I thought I would be ok. Eating slowly and chewing well. That didn't work, by the time the food caught up to me I was so full I thought I was going to bust open. My jeans just put more pressure on my stomach so I pulled them up to my boobs. Thank God I wear the elastic waist old lady jeans. So I figure today I will have about 3/4 a cup of cottage cheese and 4 pieces of pineapple in it and that should be good. I just need to take 30 min to eat so the food can get to my stomach and signal that I am full before it is too late. So much for learning the hard way.
I get on kicks where I will eat something for a while and then the urge will pass. Well yesterday I started my shrimp cocktail kick. I had 8 shrimp in the morning and within an hour I was so blocked it wasn't even funny. My stomach felt like it was going to explode, there was this fullness and pressure and sharp pain that I had to keep moving my jeans so they didn't rest on that spot. It took 6 hours like this before I called the doctor and he said as long as I wasn't throwing up and could get liquid down I was ok. This was so painful. It is the next morning now and I still feel pressure, have no desire to eat anything and hope that this passes soon too. This was the worst I have ever felt since surgery, even having surgery wasn't that bad. So the doctor said no more shrimp. boo hoo
I had surgery 9-28-09, I was 270 lbs, 240 surgery date, and 226 today. My surgery without any major complications. Had it and went home the same day, was back at work in 2 days after that. No one knows about me having surgery but my family. My mother had the band placed in Mexico and lost 140 lbs in a year and 1/2. So I thought you just get the band and eat what you want and still lose, that is what she did. So that is what I did. I would eat what I wanted, how much I wanted, and when I wanted. There was no reason for what I was doing, I just wasn't educated on how the band works like I should have been. So I bought some books on weight loss surgery and life after and had a breakthrought. March came, I gained 4 lbs and figured the fills weren't working something has to change. I go to the dietician and she tells me how to eat and the amounts to eat. Boy was I eating too much and all the wrong foods. I decide that day to change my ways. I lost 10 lbs the first month and 5 lbs last month so I know the changes have been working. I sometimes go out on a limb and eat too much or too high of fat foods, like nuts...I love nuts. It is like I am fighting my worse enemy everyday (food). I wake up every morning have my 6 cups of coffee and take my pills. Then have a protein shake or something like cottage cheese or boiled shrimp for breakfast. This gets me to lunch. I eat my protein or drink my shake and that gets me to dinner so I know the band is working. Dinner is my worst time ever. It is so hard not to just start eating and grazing all night. I just don't feel like the band is working to it's full potential. I go for fills every month and was supposed to be at 9cc's in a 10cc band. The doctor pulled out 7 cc's. What a disappointment that was. Well that is a little about me and my story of getting the band. I will keep you updated.