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Emotions????

Emotions???? I don't know if I can put into words how I feel, but here goes. Surgery tomorrow. Woke up feeling very sad, and tierd. This confused me. I should be excited. Now whats wrong me. Maybe I am crazy. Well I guess I can try to explore these feelings since I can no longer turn to my best friend (FOOD). Well I am a little nervous about the pain after surgery. I have Fibromyalgia, so Doctor said pain is worse for us, and recovery usually twice as long. I have given birth to 5 children, 4 no drugs, heck the Dr. didn't even make it in time for birth of my son. Not good, very painful. Baby was 10 pounds 1 oz. Survived that, getting banded will be fine. Next emotion- Feeling sad? I am going to miss my friend. We have been through so much together. Drug and alcohol addiction,(been sober 16 years) Divorce, quit smoking(defiantly ate my way through that one) Losing my mom, and 5 kids moving out and starting their own lives, and so much more. We won't even get into all the good times. Why does popcorn with extra butter make every movie just a little bit better? Is food really my best friend? NO!! I have gained 147 pounds eating my way through life, which of course has caused numerous health problems. Next emotion? Trying not to get to excited so I won't feel let down if surgery doesn't happen tomorrow. Well that one is just dumb get over it! I then decide to come here so I can write down how I feel. That in itself is weird. I don't blog, heck I don't even journal. But oddly enough it seems to help allot. I log on and I am so surprised people not only read my blog but they left comments!!! While I am reading them I get tears in my eyes. Tears of joy :smile: People care about me and my feelings. Now that's a new feeling. Their support and words of encouragement are truly amazing. One person was even spot on about me taking care of everyone else but me. I have said these very words. I have been a wife since I was 18, and a mom at 19. It has never been about me, and I think its about time!! This has left my kids wondering what about them. They want to know if we will have still have family dinner every sat. and many more questions about them. Whatever. It is time they see me as more than a short- order cook. Hey I like that feeling:lol: So I have explored each emotion instead of eating. Outcome? I feel nothing but excitement. I am having life changing surgery in exactly 24 hours and 3 min from right now!!! :thumbup:How blessed am I!!!
beachcitygirl

beachcitygirl

6
 

2 day until I'm Banded, Hopefully

Pre-op diet sucks, but it works! I am down 14 pounds and can feel my ribs again. Laying down of course, but hay it's progress. I have been sick, and today I woke up feeling worse. This makes me vervous as I read a post about someone having to postpone surgery b/c of being sick. I am really excited to get this going! The last 2 days I have been kinda sad. I found out I did not have the support I thought I had. My middle son brought over a cheesecake from Kings Hawaian. He has never done this before. Anyways I am being good as I was tempted to at least snatch a strawberry, but I knew that would lead to disaster. As they sat around eating, and commenting how delicious it was, my lap band came up. They mentioned about how they think its the lazy way out, and how eating healthy and exercise is all a person needs and so on and so on.:biggrin: Really are these the same people who saw me try this a million times. Needless to say they dont have a weight problem. As they were talking and I was feeling so betrayed, I started thinking about this forum and how everyone is so helpful, and compasionet. I remembered I am not alone, and most of all I am not crazy, or week. I am so thankful for everyone who post thier feelings, and experiences. :wub: I'm thankful I have a place to turn to and people who understand. Because of this, I am able to focus on the positive. As I am writting this I have just decided I will not be sick, or nervous, ok just a little nervous. the point is I am focusing on the positive. 2 more days until I am banded. I will be thinking about my fellow April 29th bandbuddies as well, we can do this!!!!:w00t:
beachcitygirl

beachcitygirl

5
 

Almost 6 wks. Post-Op

Wow how time flys. I can't beleive it is time for my first fill. The Lap- Band has been great so far. Way less pain than I thought. The Lap-Band is helping me to change my relationship with food. I was loosing weight. That only stopped b/c of my Breast lift/reduction. I had that surgery 5/27.I woke up 10 pounds hevier. People here have told me that is normal and usally goes awat after about 2 wks. I have los 6 pounds. This surgery has been sooo painful. I did not research this one as much as the Band, and there is not as much support as with the band. I am a mess phisycal and Emotional! The pain has left me wonderring if it was really worth it, and I am so lonley. My friends have not called and my family has not been there for me as they were in the past.I did not tell anyone what kind of sugery I was having. I really did not want everybody looking at my boobies the first time they saw me. You know this would happen. I told everyone about the Band. Not sure that was a good idea b/c they now watch evrything I eat and some make comments not realizing they are not helpful. I cry alot. I can't help but wonder why I did this to myself!(breast reduction not the Band) I was suppose to have surgery in Jan. But I was having other issues. Finally found out I needed my gallblater removed. Had that sugery 2/22 then I got approved for Lap Band way sooner than I expected so I canceled the B/R again. Had the Lap Band 4/29. Then fanally had the B/R-B/L on 5/27. It was way to soon to have another surgery but my authorization was about to expire, so I went for it. Today I am 12 days post op I am starting to feel myself again. I had a good wkend. I finaly got out of the house and saw some friends. We had a gret visit without talking about me and my surgeries. That was nice. I also started walking 30 mins. Boy does that help. Also this morning I started. Dah, I was PSMing last wk. No wonder I was having a pitty party. I was not paying attention to the date, otherwize I would have known I was being emotional b/c I PMS really bad the wk. before. Sorry, TMI I know but it explains alot. My poor Husband. I won't even go into what I put him through. Anyways I am still in pain and need meds however I have gone from 2 percocets(sp?)and a anti-anxiety med to just 2 vicodin every 6 hours. I am looking on the bright side. My cramps are keeping my mind of my sore breast lol BTW my fill is in 2 days. I have read so many horror stories that I am scarred. Od cource I have read a ton of storie that everything went well, but those are not the ones that stick in my mind!!
beachcitygirl

beachcitygirl

3
 

LAP-BAND? date 4/29 What a shock!!!!

LAP-BAND® date 4/29 What a shock!!!!   My consolation was early January. All test were done by Early February. I went in for My gallbladder removal Feb. 22ND. I was told that day I was approved for LAP-BAND®®. I was shocked. I asked her if she was sure. She repeated herself and told me I could schedule surgery for 6 wks. I was so excited. Turned out she was wrong:cursing:. I was no where near surgery. I had to do 6 month pre op diet before paperwork could even be submitted. I was so frustrated, I cried. I started the diet very half hearted, OK, I really did not follow it at all. They were not very strict with me anyways. Dietitian thought 6 mos. was to long, and who was I to argue. Anyways I was looking at a date somewhere in August. This seemed forever. I did not think it was ever going to happen. I decided to past the time by lurking on different fourms. I happened upon a Gastric bypass group. There were lots of post against the LAP-BAND®®. I checked into the gastric bypass. Went to support mtg. at the hospital. Interviewed the Dr. I really liked him. The 2 years I spent researching the LAP-BAND®® went out the window. On April 8th I decided this is the surgery for me, no question about it I'M HAVING GASTRIC BYPASS. April 9th I receive a letter from my insurance saying I have been approved for LAP-BAND®®. WHAT!!! There has been another mistake made. My paperwork can not be submitted Until til July 7. I immediately called my Dr. to find out what is going on! Come to find out the insurance company accepted my primary care doctors records of my weight and diet I did through him last year. They gave me a date for my surgery. April 29th. Now I am stressed, and very confused. Remember I just decided yesterday, I don't want LAP-BAND®®. Now what I was on the Internet for 2 days straight, and very little sleep. I did get good advice from people, except for the mini war I started on one forum. I just posted a questionon about LAP-BAND®® vs RNY. I felt bad. After much more research and prayer I realized I was just panicking and really did want the LAP-BAND®®. I woke up the next day with such peace, and no stress. This is how I know this is the right thing for me to do. Now that I have made up my mind I stay off the Gastric Bypass site. I am glad I found a home here. Everyone is so encouraging and especially the veterans who tell it like it is. I even stopped cheating on my 2 wk pre-op diet thanks to their opinions and words of wisdom. I am hungry and grouchy. 8 days until surgery. Wt. 246 pounds Hieght 5'4
beachcitygirl

beachcitygirl

3
 

6 days until surgery.

6 days until surgery. I'm just trying to survive pre-op diet. I am very hungry, tired, headache, sore throat, chest congestion, and sinus hurt. Yep I am sick! A little stressed about being to sick for the opperation. I told my husband, I would just die if they postponed my surgery. He said to look on the bright side there would be no need for surgery if I am dead. Yea he thinks he is a comedian. Anyways, I am in good spirits, and still feel very blessed to be able to have this surgery paid for by insurance! Lots of fluids and rest for me :wink2:
beachcitygirl

beachcitygirl

2
 

Happy band-day to me.

Yes I woke up Thurs. and started singing happy band day to me. I was so excited, its here, its really here. MY SURGERY DAY!! I started talking a mile a minute to my husband. I jump up and get in the shower(still singing) I didn't even care that I couldn't have coffee. I was in the car ready to go in no time. You see, I am not a morning person. It takes me 30 min to get out of bed after waking up, and I really don't like any conversation until my 3rd cup of coffee. I am late to everything. In Feb. I was 25 min late for my gallbladder surgery, and a nervous wreck. I was not nervous at all. Everything went very well. The hardest part about the whole thing was the IV. I have a hard time with needles. I have fainted a few times in the past. She had a hard time getting the needle in. She kept poking and moving:sad: I told her I was feeling light headed. She pulled it out of my hand, non to gentle I might add. This is not good. She puts the needle in my other hand, and then commented on how I did not look well. I told her I was a few seconds a way from fainting. I have been through this enough to know. She laid me down and with in a few minutes I was fine. Walked into surgery at 10:45 am. Still not nervous, and even laughed at my doctors little joke. Next thing I know they are waking me up in recovery at 11:30 am. Wow that was fast. I had some pain, but they gave me med. I left at 2:20 pm. The ride was a little tough, but all in all not bad. My husband went out and bought me a recliner, and got that all set up for me. I slept so so in that.first day after surgery I started get the "Gas Pains" Wow they were just like contractions. When I was in labor with my 4Th son, I started contractions on April 1. On April 2ND I was still in labor, and they made me walk and walk and walk some more. I gave birth to him on April 3rd 1992. Sorry for the flashback As you can see these gas pains brought back allot of memories lol. Anyways, I took the gas x and four 15 min walks, and this did the trick. I am so thankful for the post about this subject. 2ND day after surgery- I woke up feeling pretty good , still on the pain meds. I was able to go to my daughters softball game. I was a little uncomfortable in the chair and a little loopy from meds but all and all, It went well. I am starting to get hungry for the first time. My husband is BBQ chicken. Man it smells good. I was able to be thankful for him cooking for our daughter instead of feeling sorry for myself for not being able to eat. It took effort though. I am doing OK on my water, chicken broth, protein shakes, jello, and a lot of crystal light. Today is sun morning. I woke up in less pain. Still sore around the port and incision but not bad. I have to say this has been a lot easier than the gallbladder. I am very happy:thumbup:
beachcitygirl

beachcitygirl

2
 

Don't take that last bite!!!

1 wk post op-It was my daughters last game. Some of us went out to dinner after. I was a little nervous. Afterall it was my first time off just liquids. Walking into the restraunt was kinda fun. It was my first time in a couple of months. I ordered mashed potato w/gravy. Everyones food came, it looked and smelled yummy. But I was so happy w/ my taters, that I really did not feel deprived. However I was felling full, but really had not eaten even half of my food. My mouth was still hungry, so I took 1 more bite. MISTAKE:scared2: I kept praying it wouldn't come back up! I was very uncomfortable for an hour. I am almost 3 wk. post op now and I am feeling pretty good. I eat about 750 calories a day. At first I was losing a pound a day. Then for a wk. I didn't lose anything, today I lost a pound.That's 8 pounds since surgery. I know the first month is for healing, so I am happy with the amount lost. Today I get to start my water exercise class. Very excited!
beachcitygirl

beachcitygirl

1
 

Lap Band date 4/29 What a shock!!!!

My consolation was early January. All test were done by Early February. I went in for My gallbladder removal Feb. 22ND. I was told that day I was approved for LAP-BAND®. I was shocked. I asked her if she was sure. She repeated herself and told me I could schedule surgery for 6 wks. I was so excited. Turned out she was wrong:cursing:. I was no where near surgery. I had to do 6 month pre op diet before paperwork could even be submitted. I was so frustrated, I cried. I started the diet very half hearted, OK, I really did not follow it at all. They were not very strict with me anyways. Dietitian thought 6 mos. was to long, and who was I to argue. Anyways I was looking at a date somewhere in August. This seemed forever. I did not think it was ever going to happen. I decided to past the time by lurking on different fourms. I happened upon a Gastric bypass group. There were lots of post against the LAP-BAND®. I checked into the gastric bypass. Went to support mtg. at the hospital. Interviewed the Dr. I really liked him. The 2 years I spent researching the LAP-BAND® went out the window. On April 8th I decided this is the surgery for me, no question about it I'M HAVING GASTRIC BYPASS. April 9th I receive a letter from my insurance saying I have been approved for LAP-BAND®. WHAT!!! There has been another mistake made. My paperwork can not be submitted Until til July 7. I immediately called my Dr. to find out what is going on! Come to find out the insurance company accepted my primary care doctors records of my weight and diet I did through him last year. They gave me a date for my surgery. April 29th. Now I am stressed, and very confused. Remember I just decided yesterday, I don't want LAP-BAND®. Now what I was on the Internet for 2 days straight, and very little sleep. I did get good advice from people, except for the mini war I started on one forum. I just posted a questionon about LAP-BAND® vs RNY. I felt bad. After much more research and prayer I realized I was just panicking and really did want the LAP-BAND®. I woke up the next day with such peace, and no stress. This is how I know this is the right thing for me to do. Now that I have made up my mind I stay off the Gastric Bypass site. I am glad I found a home here. Everyone is so encouraging and especially the veterans who tell it like it is. I even stopped cheating on my 2 wk pre-op diet thanks to their opinions and words of wisdom. I am hungry and grouchy. 8 days until surgery. Wt. 246 pounds Hieght 5'4
beachcitygirl

beachcitygirl

1
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