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What is wrong with society?

Today on my mind:   Why do people make you feel ashamed? Why do we let them?   Isn't is funny how easily it is that we don't want to tell someone you are losing weight until you have actually lost weight, or someone makes a comment that you look like you've lost weight. But for some reason getting Lab-Band surgery, at first for many, almost seems like a dirty little secret. It makes you feel ashamed that you can't lose it like "normal" people. Why is that? Why does society make us feel that way?   I wanted to get this surgery for almost two years now, but I had absolutely no support. It was a "secret" wish of mine, I never said anything because 1) my husband always said, "People who do this is a cop-out, and 2) My mom's best friend did it, and my mom is an Extremely fit and healthy person (there are a lot more issues there between my mom and I, that we just won't go into today!), but her best friend did it, and it changed her life. At first my mom, like my husband, thought it was a cop-out, and always said, "Why can't she just get off her fat ass and clean her house, walk, eat carrots." So I have always struggled with the secret desire to get Lap-Band®®, but I NEVER wanted to tell anyone.   Cut to now. My mom was the person who first suggested that I get Lap_band, and that she and my Dad would be happy to pay for it. She has seen the results of her friend, and what a difference it has made in her life. She is now very supportive of the procedure. Next was my husband. I had to finally cry, plea, and REALLY get real with him and my situation. He know's I am overweight, but for some reason (he loves me I guess:sleep:) He sees past it. I had to be completely, and more honest with him than I have ever been in my life with anyone, to convince him that this is what will save me. He is coming around, he is just more worried that we will spend this money and I will "cheat" the system.   Now for everyone else. Why do I still feel like a failure if I tell people I am having weight loss surgery? I haven't told anyone at work. I just said I am having a procedure done. It might be easier if I worked with women, but I am the only woman among men, and they are very supportive of me in other aspects, and they are my friends, but I just can't say anything. They know something is up, and we all tell each other every thing, so why not this? Oh did I mention, they are mostly health fanatics? Eat Right and Exercise!   My mom has blabbed her mouth to some of my family, and can assume the rest know, but won't say anything until I do, that's just how my family is, we gossip, terribly, but everyone atleast pretends like they don't know something until the person says it themselves. But there again, My Aunt and I are the only overweight people in the family, she understands everything I am going through, she can empathize with me, everyone else in my family are extremely fit runners or athelets of some kind. I used to be that way, too. I just don't know what happened.   The only person who I have told is my best friend, she has no choice but to be supportive in the decisions I make, as I have always been 100% supportive of her's, even is I didn't think it was smart (she has made some big mistakes), but I have ALWAYS been there for her, and she is giving me the same treatment, which I am so thankful for, I don't think she agrees on this completely, but she knows its what I want. (She again is a really skinny, healthy runner....why do I surround myself with these people??:wink:)   So my question again. Why does society make us feel like failures? We are people who need an "extra" boost to be healthy and "fit in" to society. I am not going to lie, the main two reasons I want this surgery is because I want to be healthy for my daughter and husband, live a long time, etc., etc., but I REALLY want to fit into cute clothes and look like I used to. Trim, healthy and Cute. I know a lot of people don't like to admit that they have this surgery for vanity reasons, but lets be serious, who would want to look like Heidi Clum? Who would choose looking like Rosanne Barr over her? Probably no one.   What I would now like to know is, what other experiences have others gone through, in regards to telling their family/co-workers? Did you also feel that ignorant people were sounding like you should be shameful? I want to know other's experiences! Please Share!
hserra

hserra

9
 

Today: The Gripes and Complaints

I just need to vent today.   Today I am on my third day of the liquid diet, and I feel like SHIT! I haven't really had the hungar pains, a few here and there, but it isn't really that bad, definitely not unbearable. But what I have been having are a lot of pain in my stomach from the protein shakes, I think I may be a bit Whey Intolerant, not fully allergic or severely intolerant, but I think I might be slightly. SPOIL ALERT - THIS SECTION CONAINS TMI: It is giving me diarrhea, indigestion, heart burn, and I constantly feel like I need to throw up. Is this normal? I don't know, but it's extremely uncomfortable. Lastly about the shakes, they are giving me dragons breath. I cannot STAND the taste in my mouth, and it's not like the after taste that's bad, it's after I have drank it all down, and then this mist is coming back, and I feel like a dragon! OOH I hope it passes soon! :bored: On top of the terrible stomach pains, I have a migrane. I RARELY get migranes, maybe two a year, and of course, when I am only allowed to have tylenol, I get one. The tylenol helps for about 5 minutes, then the pain comes right back, and I am not going to take a tylenol every 5 minutes because that's dangerous. The lights at work are killing me also, I am ready to go get my sunglasses on! :wink: But this has been going on for two days and it is making me really cranky. So hopefully I can get this under control. Ice Mask...HERE I COME!:smile2: Well, that's my gripes, I know that this won't be forever, but I just needed to vent my complaints. Only several more weeks to go until I can have mushy foods! Yay! I am already looking forward to it!:eek:
hserra

hserra

7
 

A minor set back, but not a big deal in the whole scheme of things

So yesterday morning, I all of a sudden remembered that I HAD to pre-register for my surgery for Friday (yesterday was Wednesday, I am cutting it close). So I called the hospital, and they take my name and number, and promise to call me back. A few hours later, I call again, and receive the same treatment. It was kind of irritating to receive this kind of service, usually the hospital is really good at calling me back.   Anyway, I happened to stumble across a post on a forum, a person's surgery date got pushed back a few weeks due to a shortage of anesthetics. And this person was informed TWO days before surgery. It was weird because the first thing that came to my head was, "Something like this is going to happen to me." I didn't know what, but I just KNEW it was. And it wasn't one of those feelings of "Oh it would only be MY luck that this would happen to me," deep in my heart I just knew mine was going to be pushed back.   Low and behold, a few hours after reading this, my surgeon's office called to inform me that my surgery is being pushed back a week because something has come up with the Surgeon's Assistant, and she is unable to assist in the surgery.   It was weird, I wasn't angry or upset, because I KNEW this was going to happen. Luckily, I am a pretty understanding person, and I never shoot the messager, it certainly wasn't her fault, and it's not like I have to wait MONTHS for a new date, it was only a few extra days. Although, I have already completed 8.5 days of a very, VERY strict 10-day clear liquid diet (no sugar, no caffinee, and no carbination), and three protien shakes a day that all together had to equal 90grams protien, under 600 calories, and under 18 grams of sugar. But I was given the option to take a 4 day rest and then continue the diet for 5 days prior to the surgery, so there's the silver lining in that aspect. I figure on just coninuting on the liquid diet, I know that if I stuff my face with food I will just get sick from the food because I am not used to it, and then I will get sick from the shakes again because I am now not used to those and have to detoxify my body again. But I AM going to get some fruits and veggies and have one nice meal with my husband. I will take a little advantage of my 4 days of freedom!   Another down note, is my Mom drove into town to help care for me and take care of my daughter during my first week of recovery, since my husband works out of town during the week. So now she is in town early, and decided to stay through Saturday, but then is coming back on Thursday next week. And now her birthday is right in the middle of my recovery week. I just cannot thank my mom for all that she STILL does for me! I am extremely lucky to have a Mom who is a housewife, and is able to come down to my city at a whims notice. Luckily we only live 2 hours from each other.   My poor husband was more worried, he traded extra work for the day off on Friday, as we used all our vacation on a trip to Oregon and Washington DC. But his boss was really understanding and is giving him the time off, paid for. My job is also extremely flexible, so I wasn't worried at all about switching weeks. With all these elements, it is probably why I am still so positive and know that everything happens for a reason!:cool2:   By the way, the hospital registration office still hasn't called me back....I feel that this might be a little battle...:thumbup:
hserra

hserra

7
 

Two Days, I am worried about the pain

I don't know why, I am not worried what so ever for the surgery except for the pain. I know it's not going to be as bad as I imagine it, and I know because I have had my gall bladder removed, and it was bad the first couple days only (and mostly because the anesthetics made me nauseous and I dry heaved and threw up), a lot of pain for me, but I just keep hearing that the port site is the worse, and it itches, and I don't tolerate pain that well to begin with. Not looking forward to the pain, and I, for some odd reason, don't like the idea of the permanent stitches in my stomach going around the band. I am grossed out by the thought, I am sure it doesn't hurt that much, but the idea just grosses me out (I have an extremely vivid imagination and am extremely empathetic to pain), and the idea...ugghhh...plus I am terrified of popping a stitch. My surgeon also puts a stitch in the tailbone area, I don't know if that's normal or not, but I am already creeped out by this and the idea of the feeling. :thumbup:   I am excited to be put under, I do love anesthetics! Especially when they use the kind that drips into your I.V. and you feel the coldness creeping through your arms, legs, and all over! It is such a cool feeling. It's a good thing I have never tried drugs, because there is a good chance I would be an addict! So there's my silver lining...anesthetics :thumbup:
hserra

hserra

6
 

Thoughs on my mind

I have a few things I want to talk about today. I have to admit, I felt really funny when I was in Costco buying protein shakes. Especially since I don't look like someone who uses them. I almost felt like a wanna be, and it made me feel a bit ashamed at myself for letting it get this far. Personally, I don't really care what people think as they look into my cart and only see boxes and boxes of protein shakes, it just made me sad that I didn't feel comfortable buying them. But I have my boxes upon boxes of shakes that should last me oohh I don't know...16 days (holy crap just did the math, and I don't have NEARLY enough...guess I am going back...In my fridge it looked like a lot! ). Another thing I have had on my mind, is I am having trouble sleeping at night. I usually never have trouble sleeping! I am so full of excitement, wonder, worry, anticipation, scared, I just keep running through everything that needs to get done before my surgery. I want to have plenty of shakes, drinks, popsicles, Tylenol, stocked up because my Mom is taking care of me, and I don't want to have to explain to her 50 times what I want/need (she is a TERRIBLE listener...I wonder if that's where I get it from...). I need new, but nice, sweat pants/pajamas to wear around the house as to not hurt my incisions. I am seriously contemplating those sweat pants that look like jeans to wear to work the following week, I have always kind of made fun of them, but I am finally seeing the practicality in them....maybe I should look into it... Plus I need to figure out my daughter's school BBQ. They are having it the same day as my surgery, and I don't want her to be at the hospital all day, she's 5, and that's a long day, I want her to be at school, where she isn't worrying, and can have fun, but I also don't want her to be the only child at the school BBQ without a parent/grandparent. What a Dilemma, but that was FINALLY figured out last night! So there is one worry off my mind. Now, for my biggest worry, that has been solved! My husband was scheduled for work training, before I got my date, and I didn't think about it when they called and aked me if that date was okay, I didn't even hesitate, I just screamed YES! Well, it was in the MIDDLE of his two weeks of training. My luck of course, but he waited until the last minute to buy plane tickets, because he was still debating on going, but if he skipped this, then he HAS to skip the next one, and I have my mom here, she has been at all my other surgeries, so I told him not to worry I would be fine. Well, since he waited so long to buy airfare, his company didn't want to pay for his tickets, and so he has been kicked out of the training, and I feel HORRIBLE for that, but at the same time, my selfish side (I am an only child, I have a very LARGE selfish side), was extremely ecstatic! I could tell he was kind of relieved as well. So yay, my daughter gets to take her Grandma to the school BBQ. All is well on the daughter front. Last thought on my mind today, I am on my second day of fasting, and it hasn't been bad, I haven't been two hungry, but I severely cut my portions the week prior in anticipation of the dreaded day 2 / day 3 period, so I am thinking that that helped some, we will see tomorrow. But I have always had trouble with heavy breakfasts, they give me an awful stomach ache, and I mean AWFUL! Even eggs give me terrible stomach aches, usually I could only eat cereal, or something really light in the morning, toast and Peanut butter gives me stomach aches, it's just to heavy, well needless to say, these protein shakes are KILLER!!! So, we will see what happens, maybe my surgeon can give me some suggestions! Well, until next time (probably tomorrow), Ciao Bella! :smile:
hserra

hserra

5
 

Slipped a little off the plan

Well, I was given a 5 day break off of my pre-op liquid diet, and I didn't do nearly as good off of it as I hoped I would have...   Recap: Wednesday (two days before surgery), my surgeon's office called, we have to reschedule for the following week, not a big deal, but I was on day 9 of 10 day liquid diet. still wasn't going to complain because it's really not a big deal to me to have to do it a few days longer, but they gave me a 5 day break.   In my five day break I was hoping to try and stay on track as best as possible, that was my goal.   Wednesday I just stayed on my shakes.   Thursday My mom was in town already to help for the surgery I was supposed to have on Friday, and decided to stay until the weekend. Luckily, she is a very healthy person, so it's easy to eat healthy around her. Anyway, I stay on my shakes on Thursday, except for dinner. She made a yummy baked chicken, corn on the cob, homemade bread, and steamed rice. Between my mom, daughter and I, we split one ear of corn, one 1/2 cup of cooked rice, and one chicken breast. I was very proud of myself.   Friday, I stayed on the shakes for breakfast and lunch, but we had a back to school picnic at my daughter's school, and my mom had brought some teriyaki chicken, salad and rice. She and I shared the kid’s meal she brought :thumbup:   Now when it starts getting bad....Friday Night, my husband and I went to a movie, something we rarely get to do. He decided to get the largest tub of popcorn available, which is 1) Extremely out of character for him, and 2) Something I don't particularly like (thankfully). But it just smelled so good, and I noticed myself taking many more handfuls than I had intended, but I definitely didn't go over a serving on it (again I don't like popcorn). Then we went to dinner, Applebee’s, one we hadn't tried in our new city yet, plus they have the 2/$20 deal. So we went, and on the deal menu, they don't have many choices, so we ended up with Mozzarella sticks and each had the Three Cheese Penne (Yeah I know bad choice). Well we could have split one, as we didn't finish the sticks (they were pretty nasty), and I didn't even come close to finishing my meal (Partly because they BURNED my chicken, and the pasta / sauce had been microwaved, and it was kind of disgusting). No dessert (one plus)   Saturday, one of the local schools was having their annual fundraiser carnival, called Sausage Fest. My daughter and I split a hamburger and a small fry. But for dinner, my husband decided that he was craving pizza, and I am EASILY talked into pizza, I just asked that he order a small or a personal sized one, so I wouldn't over eat. So what did he order...a Medium! Why? Because it came free! Well I ended up having a slice or two more than I intended, but at least I didn't eat the whole thing! Between my daughter having a few pieces, and my husband had a few, there were a few still left in the box.   Sunday, I made cupcakes. I limited it to two, and sent the rest with him to work for the week, but I, for who knows what reason, made popcorn, I DON"T LIKE POPCORN! Didn't eat very much of it because I remembered how much I really don't like it!   So, back to today, Monday, I am back on my shakes only, hopefully I didn't spoil it to much this weekend that I get the headaches and hunger pains again. I tried really hard to limit how much of things I had, whether they were good or bad, but I definitely ate WAY more carbs that I intended!   I have to say, that I was having pre-surgery jitters and starting to think/feel that maybe I can do this on my own, until I got off my diet for five days, I immediatly realized...I NEED THE BAND!!! Pre-surgery jitters are gone...at least in the aspect of if I really need this or not! :thumbup: (still nervous about the actual surgery, but who isn't!)   If you suffered through this long blog, I applaud you! :thumbup:
hserra

hserra

5
 

Starting the Pre-Opt Diet

This is my first blog entry, and I am kind of excited to report my journey, even if it’s only for me! :smile: It is such a great way to catalogue this journey, and reflect past feelings. So for anyone reading, welcome to my journey, I hope you can help provide excellent insight, suggestions, or just want to shoot the breeze! Well, it's that time, I have had all my favorite foods, and now I am ready for my Pre-op diet. My surgeon has us on a 10 day clear diet, no sugar, no caffeine and no carbonation. We are also allowed 3 protein shakes: 100% whey, 30grams protein, less than 200 calories and less than 6 grams fat/sugar. This continues for four weeks post-op, then we can drop the clear liquids and one protein shake, but we have to have three weeks of pureed foods, which I am not looking forward to, as I don't like mushy foods, I find them kind of disgusting, and all I can think about is the nasty smelling baby food that is one of those chicken or beef dinners with some vegetables. But I am sure by that time; I will be so thrilled for any other flavors, which I won't mind. I am definitely getting nervous. I wouldn't be so bad if my husband wasn't going to be out of town the week before and after my surgery for some work training that he was not able to get out of. I know it makes him nervous that he won't be there either. I am getting very excited and very nervous! I have already lost 3lbs while eating all the "naughty" foods for one last hoorah, so that was kind of exciting. Only a week and a few days to go! Sept. 17, 2010 - Banding Day!:smile:
hserra

hserra

3
 

I am on day 9 of Liquid Fast - Went to the Grocery Store today...

This could have been bad:   I went to the grocery store today for the first time since I started my liquid fast a week ago. It was weird, looking at all the yummy foods, but having been on this fast for awhile, I definitely wasn't craving carbs and sugars, it was the fruits and veggies that I desperatly wanted! OOOOH I can't wait until I can bite into a nice, juicy apple!!! Or crunch on a moist carrot!!! I am even looking forward to mashed carrots!:laugh:   I felt like a kid in a candy store, but I wasn't allowed to buy anything for me! My mom did that to me A LOT as a child. She wouldn't let us have sugar in the house, but when it was someone's birthday, anniversary, Christmas, she would always take me go to SpoKandy (I grew up in Spokane, WA) and get other people's gifts from there, ooooh how I wanted one of their melt-away mints, or their freshly made fudge, it was always TORTURE! She never bought any candy from there for me... That's how I felt in the produce section at the grocery store today...all those feelings of want and desire came rushing back from my childhood. At the very least, it is healthy food I am craving....:cool2:   Just have to remember:   Only two more days to surgery Four weeks post-op Liquid Diet Three more weeks liquid Diet + Mush meals THEN REAL FOOD!!!! (only 7 weeks until then)   I CAN DO IT!:thumbup:
hserra

hserra

2
 

Four Days to the BIG DAY

There are only four days to go, and lots of things to accomplish in that time.   I am getting nervous, I am still in the prep stages for my Mom's arrival. I am so thankful for her, she is staying all of next week to help me with my 5 yr old daughter, as my husband works out of town during the week. But I just have sooooo much cleaning to finish before she gets here!:eek:   It's funny, I am more worried about my finishing my house before my mom gets here, than I am for the surgery, go figure! I only have two more days of cleaning before she arrives!!!! Hopefully our new bed is delivered in time, so she has somewhere to sleep!:smile:   Very short blog today. Enjoy your day everyone!:thumbup:
hserra

hserra

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