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mad at my body!!!

so its coming up on week 14 and right now i am a little discouraged...so heres the problem. this week i started working out and dd the treadmill on monday for 45 minutes, tuesday did a kickboxing class at my gym and thursday did a "beach body sculpting'class that involved free weights focusing on the arms, legs and adominals. i got on the scale yesterday and i was at 237 and now i am at 241. wtf!!! i figured that when i started working out i would lose the wieght faster not gain back the 4 freakin pounds i worked so hard to get off. not to mention that yesterday was a very stressful day. my husband and i fought practically all day about moeny and him not being able to find a job. we talked it out and things are fine now but im so upset bc my dr. told me to exercise and when i do i gain weight back. and i didnt start eating more i eat the same amount. so this week i am going to strictly do cardio, tae bo, kickboxing and maybe a spinning class. i just had a goal to be 230 by th 4th and now it doesnt look like i am going to meet that goal. in order for me to do so i need to lose the 4 lbs plus an ass 2-3 this week. totaling 6-7 lbs in one week. every time i make a goal i never reach it and it is getting so frustrating. im hoping that this week will provide better results. i just feel like life slapped me inthe face and so haha its not goingto work. you will be fat forever. i also dont know how all this skin is going to go abck to normal. i have been having thisterrible dream that i lose the weight and i have skin hanging everywhere and i look worse that i did when i started this whole process. i just needed to vent. i have a tae bo video that i am going to start at home on monday and i am going to try to do it each day this week and take the weekends off. i need some other ideas for workout videos that will provide a good cardio workout. i was thinking step aerobics
Countrychic

Countrychic

7
 

Pre-Op Diet Day 4 and a little about myself

My name is Ashley and I'm a 25yr old mother with a wonderful son and a amazing husband. My husband loves me the way I am but sees that I need to get healthy and get some of this weight off. He sees that it is starting to affect me. As a child I was never overweight until I hit puberty then it all went down hill. I was very athletic and fluctuated between 160-180, until I got pregnant with my son when I was 20. I have never been able to get the weight off. I have been at my highest these past few years, 275lbs. My self - confidence has always been an issue for me, but i have been working on it and all i want right now is to lose this weight and be healthy, being skinny wouldnt be a bad thing either. :smile: My weight hasnt caused any other health problems yet but i dont want to give it a chance to. The only thing that it has affected is my ability to get pregnant. My husnband and i have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years now with no avail. :thumbup: My insurance makes you go through a 6 month diet program and if you miss one visit, bc you have to go every month, you have to start all over. needless to say that i have had a rough time bc when i started the program eveything was great at home then my husband lost his job and with only 3 months left to go i had to start the 6 month diet program all over again. so i started my journey back in 3/2009 and i just finished the 6 month diet program and got approval. my dr. requires a liquid diet for 2 weeks before the surgery with the optifast shakes and i am on day 4 with the shakes. all you can have with the shakes is sugar free calorie free drinks, popsicles, and jello. have you ever taste sugar free jello? its disgusting!!! i can also have broth if i get lightheaded or anything. the first day was hell for me. all i wanted to do was eat. i was exhausted and felt like crap. i went home and my family was having bbq chicken and yellow rice. i stuck my finger in the bbq sauce then made a cup of broth and cried myself to sleep. my husband is very supportive of me in doing this. he knows its something that i want BAD. so he was there to comfort me and tell me i could do it and it will be ok. it has gotten easier with each day but yesterday i wanted a smoothie soo bad i was good and didnt get one. when i got home i went with my husband to the store and he ran to bk. i told him i didnt want to go bc this is soo hard but we went ahead and went and my husband asked me if i wanted anything. i just looked at him and started crying and then it dawned on him what he did. he kept apologizing which made me cry even more and then i was able to calm down but as soon as i went home i went to bed. i dont blame him for it and i know he didnt do it on purpose but it still hurt somewhere inside. todays day 4 and like i said its gotten easier with each day so im hoping todays a good day.
Countrychic

Countrychic

6
 

sorry i havent posted in a while

ok guys so i have my surgery tomorrow and when i went for my preopt i found out that i lost 15 lbs on the preopt diet. i was soo proud of myself. i am sooo nervous today i hate surgery and the thought of being put under and not having any control over anything. i hate that feeling you get after coming out of th anteshia (sp?). but i am soo exicted to have this done. tomorrow is going to be the first real step into my healthy lifestyle. i even went out and bought a new purse and wallet to congratulate myself on making this 1 year wait worth it. my surgery is scheduled for 11:30 am and we have to be at the hospital at 10am so for those of you who pray please keep me in your prayers. i will be proud to join the banded community. i am so proud that i made it this far with only a few slips. i cant wait for tomorrow to come. i dont know if i can stay at my desk at work for another hour. with my husband there with me i know i can do this. :tt1:
Countrychic

Countrychic

4
 

DAY 7 - not doing so good

:frown:ok so todays not a good day today. i feel defeated and depressed. i just want today to end and i want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head.
Countrychic

Countrychic

4
 

5 days to go

so i have 5 days to go and then i get banded!!! im soo excited. on monday i have pre opt at the hospital my copay is 980.00 which i was amazed when i found out. im gathering recipes and making lists of what i am going to need after the surgery. im scared of the liquid diet after the surgery. im hoping that it isnt going to be as hard as it is now.
Countrychic

Countrychic

3
 

Discouraged and Disappointed

So it has been a long time since I have updated and it is because I strayed. Things on my end have gone haywire!!! Last time I went to the doctor (last month) I was at 237lbs. I have stayed there ever since and I don't know why. I am eating the way I am suppose to and doing thing right yet I haven't had a loss yet. I thought I would be in Onederland by now. On labor day weekend, my husband, son and I were in a serious car accident and I just now have been released to go back to the gym. My son was ok but my husband and I were the ones injured. With that, my husbnad not having a job, and my job deciding to move my position back to Texas I have been going crazy. I think that stress can cause you not to lose weight but I'm not sure. I got a fill last month and I still have restriction. I dunno. I just want to jump start my weightloss again so I can begin to once again see results. All the clothes I wear are baggy because I don't have the funds to buy new clothes now due to the accident. I am just so damn aggravated!!!   Sorry about the Whine Fest.
Countrychic

Countrychic

3
 

Day 5 on Pre-Opt diet

So my weekend is over and tomorrow i head back to work. i thought that this weekend was going to be the hardest and that i wasnt going to make it bc lets face it when you are on the go constantly like i am its easy just to grab an optifast and go. but when you are home all day and have to make breakfest, lunch, and dinner for kids its a completely different situation. sunday was the hardest day for me this weekend bc i had to cook the family dinner for everyone. :rolleyes2: so i made dinner and then i went to walmart until i couldnt smell or imagine the dinner anymore. but the important thing is that i made it and its gotten easier. this is a lifestyle change and i understand that which is why i am trying my damnest to make this work. i am determined especially when i looked at the calandar and seen that my surgery is basically next thursday 9.5 days to go!!!!! back to work tomorrow. just taking it one day at a time. :thumbup:
Countrychic

Countrychic

3
 

No longer considered Morbidly Obese - BMI 39

I know that it has been a long time since I posted on my blog and I apologize to those who read it. Things havent been so good with me lately. I have been feeling defeated for stupid reasons and my husband is still out of work which makes it that much more stressful. I went to my doctor yesterday to get my 3rd fill. I got on th scale and it read 239 when I went there a month ago it read 247, the same thing it read back on 3/18. So need less to say seeing a change in numbers was refreshing and motivating. My doc also told me that my BMI is 39 and I am no longer considered morbidly obese. I cant tell you how happy that made me when I heard him say that. Now Im Obese, which those who have never had a problem with weight dont understand why I am so happy about that. Even my husband said that it was good but being obese isnt good. I told him that this is one of many milestones that I must overcome in order to get where I want to be. He understood then. My doc asked how I was eating and how i felt in between meals and I told him and he said that it sounded to him like I didnt need to have another fill done yet. He said that he sees alot of patients who lose weight and think that they can do better and get a fill then they are too tight and have to backtrack or start all over again. Thats something I dont want to happen so when he told me it was my decision I told him that I didnt want fill yet. We will see how this month goes and if I will be fine until 7/19 or if I will have to go in earlier. With the last fill I had 2 Stuck episodes where I got sick and I never thought I would get it out. But I am so happy that and proud of myself. I need to start working out but that requires me to get out of bed earlier and head to the gym before work and lately I just cant seem to do that. I need to make myself, I really do. Its just hard working nights and not getting to bed until 2 am. So I didnt take classes this semester but I go back in the fall and I really hope that Tony is back working. Thing have just been going wrong all over the place. My truck broke down the other day, first the waterpump went out and then that made the alternater go so I am back to driving th F-150, which I dont mind, but it has electrical problems. I just want him to be back working so we can have money to fix vehicles and not be so strapped. It would make losing weight alot easier bc I wouldnt have all the stress that I am dealing with right now. They are doing a Biggest Loser contest here at work and the buy in is $50. I wish I could join in but I dont have 50 bucks to put in. I think I am going to see what I can do about trying to get a trainer to help me kick my butt into gear. well got to go back to work. I have my Brooks and Dunn concert on friday so that will be my reward for working so hard. :eek:
Countrychic

Countrychic

3
 

Day 6 and holding strong....

Hey guys. so the day is almost over. tomorrow i will have been on th liquid diet for 1 week and i have 1 week to go before my surgery. god i am sooo excited. ive been jumping around with joy all day and keep singing the line from that song that goes "i'm so excited and i just cant hide, im going to lose control and i think i like it!!!!" today also starts the 10 days straight that i have to work. ugh.:thumbup: that im not looking forward too. my husband is out of town on business so its hard when hes not here bc the bed is soooo cold. but he comes home on thursday or friday and when he gets home i will be able to go get a pedi/mani since i cant treat myself with food. i actually got on th scale today and i lost 7 lbs. i immediately emailed my friend to let her know. i kind of boycotted scales a long time ago but my friend made me get on the scale to see how much i have lost. everyone keeps asking me how can i do it? arent you hungry? oh i couldnt do that!!! my answer to them is yes i am hungry but this process is making me realize how much control food had over my life and my mood. i realized that i can be happy without certain foods. of course im hungry and EVERYTIME i smell bbq i want it. but im not starving. im not starving myself and it took my body 5 days to realize this. i just keep my mind on the prize at the end of this journey and my new life that is going to start. this site has helped me sooo much. i was about to quit the second day on the liquid diet but then i found this site and this feeling of happiness and accomplishment fell over me. i made this decision, i took the first step and yes i feel accomplished even though i havent finished myjourney yet. but i will get there. thats how i do it and make it through each day. we eat to live not live to eat. im making so many plans and gathering soo much recipes that its not even funny. besides my income tax comes in this week and im gettting a new cell phone!!!! (im addicted to technology :tt2:). so day 6 almost gone and day 7 here i come.....8 more days untill i have my surgery.....
Countrychic

Countrychic

3
 

so today was a bad day

so today was a bad day a real bad day...im very disappointed in myself and still feel defeated. i want this so bad and then 1 family emergency and it all goes to hell. the damn diet is making my stomach hurt and the dr said that it could be bc of not enough fiber so they want me to take some benfiber to see if the pain goes away. if not then i have to go back to the doctor. then i opened the email and found out that my surgery is scheduled for 3/11 at 11:30 with pre opt on 3/8. i just need to refocus and make it through the next week. my surgery is next week and i am nervous and scared. but excited at the same time. i just hope that i didnt fuck everything up. im praying that tomorrow is a better day. im glad that my husband is ok and going to make it. now to make it through 1 day at a time....
Countrychic

Countrychic

3
 

Back down to 237

ok guys so currently i weigh 237 and i have been holding off on starting the couch to 5k bc my husband says that i need to be under 220 before i start any running program. i have now decided to ignore that and i got a friend of my to join me and we are starting the couch to 5k on monday. im soo excited. im having a hard time losing weight lately bc i hit a plateau. a few weeks ago i started working out hardcore and gained back 4 of the lbs i lost and it got me really discouraged, so i stopped working out. well i started back up this week and i feel good about it. i think i am just going to stay away from the scale as much as possible. i go in for my 3rd fill in 2 weeks.last month i didnt need one so i think bc im getting hungrier that i need one this time around. wish me luck with the couch to 5k. im kind of intimidated by the program, but hopefully it will work out some stress. lord knows i have alot of that right now.
Countrychic

Countrychic

3
 

beyond stressed

I’m just trying to not think about the bills that are coming due in 3 days. The more I think about them the more stressed out that I become. I just want to bury my head in the covers and not come out until the economy is back on its feet and we are no longer barely making ends meat. I am stressed out beyond belief and I am trying my hardest not to take it out on anyone. I worked out a few weeks ago and thought I was doing good but when I got back on the scale I gained 4 of the pounds I lost back and I didn’t think that it was going to discourage me but apparently I was wrong. Last week I didn’t work out once because I just didn’t feel like it. I know that muscle weighs more than fat but telling a fat person that and telling them not to be upset about it is like telling a cat not to meow anymore. With everything going on right now I really don’t want to work out today but I am going to force myself to go workout and hopefully it will relieve a little stress. Hopefully. I just don’t understand sometimes why things happen the way they do. So i am still at 241. so much for making my goal for the 4th. Tony and I have been together going on 5 years and I love him so much but things have been tough those 5 years. I know that it has been tough for everyone else to and that there are those worse off. Trust me I know that. I talk to them everyone at work. We just need help and there’s no one there to help. I don’t want to lose everything we have but I don’t know if we will be able to keep it. I’m trying my damndest to give Dareon the life I never had and everything seems to be against us. The whole thing with my brother made me realize how crazy things can get and if you keep frustrations in they will eventually blow up in your face. I was so scared that I was going to lose him. I just thank god that he had a good friend who got him to the hospital just in time. I love that kid and I know he’s going through a lot of stress. I also thank god that he has Kaci. She is so good for him. I just wish I could find a second job, one I can do from home and bring in extra money. But most everything you find is a scam or they want your money so you could start working for them. Tony and his brother and dad started a tree service and they are beginning to advertise so I hope the few side jobs here and there will turn into something more. I just need something I can do when I’m not working also. You read about all these opportunities online and most of the time they are never legit. I really want to do this vacation but I’m not sure if we will be able to. We really need this. Enough of my complaining I just need to get away from it all. But then again it will be there when I get back. Catch 22 I guess. I miss my friend so much. I just want to go hang out with her, watch beaches, eat pizza rolls and lay by the pool listening to girl power mixes we just made. Those were the days I tell ya when the only worries we had was what time we were going to get up.
Countrychic

Countrychic

2
 

day 2 post opt

so i definately over did it yesterday loading and unloading the dishwasher. im taking it easy today. i woke up this morning at 4:30 and took some medicine for the pain. its gotten more tolerable though. im not really hungry which is probably from the swelling. my arm where they had the iv in is black and blue though. i guess thats what i get for having small veins. so today i am going to be working on some homework that i need to get caught up on. i cant wait to take a shower tonight since i havent had one in a couple days. i also have to go through my important papers and find the packet that the nutritionist gave me. i cant wait till i can have liquids and soups. i am really really craving brocolli and cheese soup. the one thing that i am not touching is sugarfree jello. that stuff is disgusting. jello is disgusting by itself let alone with no sugar. i love the sugar free popsicles though. i have one of those and some apple juice im still nursing for breakfest. but let me tell you i am bored just sitting around and i get up every now and then and walk to the mailbox and back. in fact i am going to get up and do that in a little bit. i finally starting passing some gas instead of just burping. which is good. im hoping to get all the gas pains out before i head back to work and school on tuesday. im still really sore where the incisions are though especially where they put the port. that area of my stomach is bruised. the dressings are also icthing and driving me insane. i have to go back to the doctor on friday for a post opt check up and we will see how much i have lost in this week. my 5 year old doesnt understand why he cant give me a hug which breaks my heart. but soon hopefully it wont hurt to do that. well i am going to get back to doing my homework...:thumbup:
Countrychic

Countrychic

2
 

8 Days post opt

ok guys so i am officially 26 years old bc yesterday was my birthday and since i really cant eat anything i went and got my nails done bought some strawberry cheesecake icecream since i cant have the real thing. i know i know not the smartest idea in my head. well let me be honest i havent behave too well the past couple of days. i have been down in the dumps especially when i couldnt be intimate with my husband. (stupid reason i know) i have been sneaking stuff here and there and just chewing chewing chewing. i also havent been on this site either which is a mistake on my part bc this site helps me get through the day. so i got back on here and looked in the recipes section under the liqud stage and found a few recipes and tried them out. they actually required a little bit of effort and i actully felt like i was cooking. and those were the best things i have tasted in a while. i really really dont want to mess this up and i know that eating food before your band is ready for it is just asking for trouble. i have my first stuck episode lst night with a piece of ham and trust me i will never make that mistake again. it didnt come up but it hurt like hell until it went down. i go to my doctor for the first appointment after the surgery tomorrow. and i am going to work for the first time since the surgery. i made a few things for my day tomorrow. i nervous. i also cleaned the house today to and boy am i sore and tired. im hoping that tomorrow will be easy. but for now i have to go to bed. thanks for listening:tt2:
Countrychic

Countrychic

2
 

week 13

so i am commited to only weighing myself once a week. so when i weighed myself yesterday i was down another 2lbs so my current weight is 237. i went to the gym to day and am really interested in training for a 5k. but i want to make sure that my body can handle it. i dont want to screw up my knees or ankles. i am still eating the right amount of food and so far am not in need of a fill. mind you i have only had 2. but i made sure to be more aggressive on th second fill which i paid for in the beginning but am glad that i did. i want to get some videos to workout at home before i head into work but with tony not working i dont think i am going to be able. i am very interested in the zumba videos as well as the classic billy banks tye bo video. i had brown rice, brocolli, and chicken for lunch and dinner. this weekend i went to the brooks and dunn concert and had a blast. i will put up some pics. we also had my neice and nephews birthday party on saturday (they are twins that turned 3) and i had a hotdog for lunch and was actually able to eat a cheeseburger for dinner which i was sooo happy about. i know that it wasnt the healthiest choice of food but when i seen the psych for the eval. he suggested to do a day where you eat what you want that one day. which i have incorperated and i think that it has helped me alot. especially staying focused. im trying to find an outlet for all the stress im under so it doesnt interfere with my weightloss. still havent found one yet but am working on it.
Countrychic

Countrychic

1
 

day 1 post opt

ok so my surgery went very well, so well that the doctor was surprised. then pain i my stomach isnt dibilitating but it is uncomfortable. it does hurt when i get up off the couch to move around. my throat is what hurts the most bc of the tube they put down my throat. when the surgery was finished i was only allowed to have room temp liquids do the only thing i drank yesterday was water and apple juice. today i made som chicken broth. so i had water and apple juice for breakfest and chicken broth for lunch. dont know what im having for lunch. i will be glad when i feel better and can move around without pain. they gave me some tylenol with codine for the pain and that stuff makes me soo tired. sometimes i feel as though ive been ran over by a mack truck. my husband has been keeping a close eye on me and is taking really good care of me. i think i overdid it today by pulling, pushing, and loading the dishwasher. now i am sore and its my fault. im hoping that today will be better.:tt1:
Countrychic

Countrychic

1
 

pushed it out

so i pushed off starting th C25K. i dont know why. i tried it last thursday and i made it through but it was hard. i just didnt want to do it this week. i did however do kickboxing yesterday which was fun. i am just so tired of looking at myself in the mirror. im at another plateau and i cant wait for my fill on monday. money is still an issue here with me and i hate constantly complaining about it but i am tired of losing things i worked so hard for. and to make matter worse, i dropped my google phone in the toilet here at work yesterday and now it is not working at all. oh well they turned off the service right now anyways. tony found out that he can do work for th county which does pay good money but he needs money for insurance, bonding, corporation fee, and tax id numbers which total 1600.00. i dont where we are going to get that kind of money. hell i dont know where we are going to get money for groceries. and as always i make too much to get any help. i think that this stress level is really getting to me and my weightloss. i find myself unable to sleep and wanting to eat in the middle of the night. my 5 year old is driving me nuts bc he continues to get into things that he isnt suppose to and he is soo stubborn. but i love him. he starts kindergarten this august and im so proud of him and his test results. he is 1 point away from being gifted but i know that as long as he is challenged that he will do fine. i am going to try to do a tae bo workout video in the morning before work so if i cant run i still have some sort of workout in the day. well until next time.
Countrychic

Countrychic

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