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A blog by RavenClaw779

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The Cookie Jar

When I was a little girl, my grandmother had a "tattletale" cookie jar. It was what Grandmama called a "German Hausfrau" - the part that held the cookies was her full skirt of dotted swiss and the top was her head and torso. She was a plump lady(the cookie jar - not Gran) with a kerchief over her curly hair; rosy cheeks and her mouth was an open "O". One arm was raised and held a rolling pin the other hand was raised with one finger caught mid-wag as in "naughty - naughty". When you lifted her torso to get a cookie, a voice box in the torso would cry out "Mama! Mama!". That cookie jar came to mind the other day when reading some of the comments other bandsters post. If you're a doctor, nurse or other bariatric professional, please say so. If not, if you're just like me - banded and providing your anecdotal account of what you're going through, please - for the sake of your readers - drop the preachy, holier than thou, dogmatic, goody-2-toes, "I always do just what my doctor, nurse etc say to do delivery of your message. Reading it can be a real burn-out:w00t:!

RavenClaw779

March 27, 2010

1

Conflicting Info

From the beginning, I've been getting a different story from the various members of my Bariatric team. Yesterday I had my first post-op visit. I thought it would be the surgeon, but instead it was a nurse. Now, two weeks after surgery they tell me not to twist at the waist as I might get a muscle spasm(yes, thanks - did that the other night in bed), that for the first week after surgery I was to eat 2 tbsp at each meal(Pre-surgery it was 1/4 -1/2 cup), that I should not drink while eating and for an hour after(Pre-surgery it was no liquid 30 min before and 45 min after), no fresh veggies or fruit for 4 months(Pre-sugery it was 5 weeks) I'm getting so mired in the rules that it's almost easier not to eat!

RavenClaw779

March 23, 2010

3

Post Surgical Follow Up

Wow - it really blew me away - the sheer number of people in the waiting room for post-surgical follow up, but I guess if they're doing 5-6 a day, 6 days a week it makes sense. Healing okay - first fill will be 4/14. Getting real tired of puree. Nurse was running an hour behind schedule so by the time I got out of there, I'd driven an hour down, been in the office for two and a half hours and face a rush hour drive home. I was starving! Went to McDonalds and got a small coffee, small fry and a snack wrap. Coffee and fries went down okay - snack wrap made a grand reappearance. Definitely a learning experience!

RavenClaw779

March 23, 2010

1

The Neighbor from Hell

When we moved from VA six years ago, we found that most of our neighbors were really friendly - except for one couple. From the get-go these people would not say "Hello" or even acknowledge us. We live across the street and two doors down - within eye and ear shot. After witnessing a few incidents of some rough treatment by the parents to their kids and each other, we figured we were blessed NOT to have made their acquaintence. So imagine my surprise last holiday season when I was up on a ladder helping the hubs hang lights. He was out of sight(on the roof) when I hear a loud voice(rocking a Sopranos accent) call out, "OMG Should someone that SIZE be on a ladder!?!" It was Mrs. Charming Neighbor. Neither my husband and I acknowledged the comment. I sure clarified for me why they didn't like me/us - my weight - what else could it be? Several weeks later we attended a neighborhood Christmas party. I was floored when our next door neighbor extended her sympathies - apparently she'd heard from Mrs. Charming Neighbor that my husband and I were having problems?! Huh - apparently the fact that my husband was out-of-town for a week long business trip, followed by a trip back to VA to finalize the sale on the house equaled him "leaving me"!? A couple of weeks after that, we had our 6 and 8 year-old niece and nephew spend the weekend while mom & dad a some time off. We don't have kids of our own. Was I surprised to hear the rumor that we were only allowed visitation rights?! Ugh! Today was the icing on the cake. I'm out cleaning up the yard in prep for my spring planting, when I hear Mrs. Charming Neighbor bellow, " Looks like LardAss has finally lost some weight!" Ah, but this time Ms. Nice Girl didn't keep her mouth shut - I bellowed right back, "You're right and thanks for noticing! Too Bad Your Mouth Is As Fat As Ever!" My husband - who took the day off -was rolling with laughter in the garage!:mad:

RavenClaw779

March 19, 2010

5

Going for Broke on the Laugh Track

My 25-year-old niece just called to see how I'm doing. She tells me she expects to see me in a bathing suit this summer. Laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Really - when you weight 283 at your highest, regardless of how much weight I lose, the end product is a saggy Sharpei in a swimsuit. I may be healthy at the end of this, but I ain't going to be a looker.

RavenClaw779

March 18, 2010

3

Low Level Panic Attack

Today while getting dressed, I bumped the area where I think the port is - won't actually know until Monday's post surgical follow up. Man did that ever hurt. I started thinking about this foreign body inside me and starting thinking weird thoughts like...what if I go nuts and yank this thing out?...what if I freak out and jump in my car and drive to the doctor's and beg to have it removed...I got all sweaty and had to get a drink of ice water and go outside to clear my head. Perhaps it's just a case of sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't!

RavenClaw779

March 18, 2010

2

Today's Laugh

S-i-l#1 called today on the pretext of asking me a legal question. "So how much have you lost?" Rather than give JabberJaws more fuel for her gossip machine I just said, "a bit". Hee Hee - it was fun to listen to her squirm: "...so how much did you weigh at the start?" * "Too much for my frame" "...how much do you plan to lose?" * "Enough to lower my BMI to a normal range." "Will you ever weigh what you did when I first met you?" * "Who knows - do you know what you weighed when I met you?" God - One good BM and I turn into such a Bee-Atch! Sidebar - Yes, I'd love to weigh what I did then (140) and it's definately a goal, but is it realistic that I could go from 283 to 140 - Not very likely!

RavenClaw779

March 18, 2010

1

Finally Regular?

Started on pureed foods yesterday - first veggies in how long? Had my first real BM in over two weeks - Whoo Hoo & gross - I know.

RavenClaw779

March 18, 2010

1

No More Ms. Nice Girl or Just A Feel Good Rant?!

Sometimes my friends and family make me want to scream, but being a "Nice Girl" I force a polite smile on my face and role with it. Today I'm just putting it out there because its better than screaming and scaring the you-know-what out of the dog! Sister-in-law #1 aka "Jabber Jaws". I'd have thought that after my husband, her brother, Mr. Calm-Cool & Collected got pissed off when she spoiled the surprise of our moving into the area(hence de-railing the big party we'd planned) that she'd have learned her lesson? Apparently not as she had to tell simply everyone that I'd had a hysterctomy after I specifically asked her not to. I guess telling her that this was a "personal journey" wasn't clear enough or perhaps it just didn't matter to her. Imagine my surprise when not half an hour after I'd confided in her, my mother-in-law called to offer her opinion i.e., "I just heard from Lisa...if you just tried a little harder...". Since then, people she's blabbed to are coming out of the wood work. People who are merely acquaintences are calling for the details. Some friend of hers from downstate called and told my my s-i-l had been, "keeping her in the loop" re; my ongoing "saga". Are you kidding me?! Gee - how long until the local paper or news team arrives at the door? How weird is it that a friend of my husband heard about my surgery from his mother who heard it from the postman(no lie). :eek: The flip side of this is the pseudo concerned - Sister-in-law #2. We see this side of the family once or twice a year. They mostly hang with her people and tend to look down their noses at our side of the family as we aren't of the same political views. S-i-l #2 called yesterday: "I heard you had surgery!" (me) "Yes" "So you're doing okay? No one tells me anything!" (me)"I'm fine..." (don't even get to finish what I'm saying when S-i-l #2 cuts me off to, as usual, talk about herself and her family..."It's a shame it had to come to this. Oh well, we're having a great time down in VA...Bob is going to run a marathon, and Billy is at Lacrosse camp and all I do is shop and ...Okay - talk to you later - Bye". What the hell was the point of this call - so you can say you've done your duty? I've been married to my husband for over 15 years and I have yet to attend a family function where these people have ever let someone finish talking or expressed any real interest in what's going on in anyone else's life:eek:

RavenClaw779

March 17, 2010

5

Good Read (kinda like "Good Eats")

Just like the band is a tool, I have found another helpful "tool" which helps me slow down my eating habits - Reading! Now, I know you're not supposed to do anything else while eating - like watching TV, but frankly, just how slowly can you consume a protein shake? Sometimes I'm having one while I'm blogging but I've also found that reading an educational book works as well. I'm currently reading, Secrets of a Former Fat Girl, by Lisa Delaney and Diabesity by Francine R. Kaufman, M.D.. I especially liked this quote from Secrets of a Former Fat Girl as it rang true for me: "INO(Its Not An Option) was invaluable in helping me overcome my need to please and my talent for rationalizing that putting other people first - just about at all cost - was somehow the noble thing to do....It helped give me the courage to break out of the Fat Girl mold that other people expected me to conform to, and start living my own way."

RavenClaw779

March 17, 2010

1

Exactly One Week Out

Down to 246, so I've lost six pounds since my surgery. Having a hard time getting in 1,000 calories, but doing better with the protein - about 60g a day. Over did it a bit yesterday with chores and by 6pm was down for the count. Off the Loratab and finish the muscle relaxer today - good thing as it makes me dizzy and I can't focus to read. Positive side effect to all the protein - my nails look amazing! Working at my desk on the ongoing sage of the "Psycho PsyD". Despite numerous calls from BCBS she has yet to reimburse me what she over charged and incorrectly collected, so I'm having to file the claim myself and hope for a positive outcome.

RavenClaw779

March 16, 2010

4

Bad Case of The Mondays

WTF! got up in the middle of the night(as usual) to use the bathroom. Without thinking, got a drink of water and drank it as I did before I had the surgery. Guess what - no restriction, no back wash??! Healing fairly quickly and enough swelling has gone down to be able to tell that my port appears to be in the center of my abdomen? Since my surgeon uses both the Lap-Band and the Realize Band I left the decision as to which to use to her - she's the expert. Apparently I have a 11cc Realize Band...

RavenClaw779

March 15, 2010

1

Out & About - OUCH!

Feeling pretty good five days out and down to 1 tbsp of Loratab a day, so I agreed to go to Best Buy with my husband. Let's just say regular jeans in lieu of sweatpants was a big painful mistake. This is the first day I've felt remotely hungry but a cup of soup took care of it. Blood glucose number are normal so I'll have to call the doctor tomorrow to see if I need to keep on with the metformin.

RavenClaw779

March 15, 2010

1

I See No Difference

I see no difference when I look in the mirror despite 35 pounds lost. What I do see already looks saggy and I'm wondering if I can afford the plastic surgery I'll need to look normal or if I'll spend the rest of my life never wearing shorts or a swimsuit. I guess I should just be thankful for 3/4 length sleeves and capris - my go to since reach 3X!

RavenClaw779

March 13, 2010

1

Full Liquids Start Today

Not hungry, but had to start on full liquids today, so I made a yogurt shake w/protein powder and skim milk; managed to down 1 cup. Still not hungry. Largely off the Loratab but the other drugs are a must and they make me quite dizzy. Unfortunately, the nutritionist neglected to tell me how often to eat(every 2, 3, 4 hours? When hungry?) and how much? All I got was, "take in 1000 calories and 65 grams protein a day". Still trying to figure out how I'm going to manage to get the right balance of fruits & veggies in when I'm on real food.

RavenClaw779

March 13, 2010

1

Day II - Post Surgery

Got through most of yesterday with minimal pain, but by about 8pm I was feeling nausea and pain in my neck and shoulders from the gas. My mouth was dry all day - tongue stuck to the roof dry - possible side effect to the muscle relaxer and not being able to drink in more than little sips. I can hear/feeling the liquid move from my pouch to my stomach - strange, but not painful or distressing. Was up off and on all last night - finally ended up on the couch with my CPAP, heating pad and pillows - got about an hour and a half nap in. Been up since 7am - last Loratab was at 5:30am; trying to see how long I can going between doses as it makes me very sleepy. Not surprising, my sister-in-law has told everyone so the phone has been ringing off the hook. One "well-wisher" called and during the conversation told me that it, ..."was a shame you didn't have the will-power to do it on your own..." Charming - but I'm too tired to push back at this point nor do I feel the need to explain myself to idiots.

RavenClaw779

March 11, 2010

1

It's a New Dawn, a New Day & a new Me...but not just yet

Getting up and moving around. Folded some laundry and emptied the dish washer, but I'm very light headed and the surgical area is very sore; difficult to bend over. Ellis gave me scripts for Loratab(Liquid), Prilosec and Flexirel(sp) - all of which are sleep inducing. Having a hard time even typing today - I'm signing off and going back to bed!

RavenClaw779

March 10, 2010

1

Surgery Day

Left the house at 5am to get to Ellis by 6am. Within 15 minutes I was in my gown and slippers give yet another blood sample. The anesthesiologist, the surgeon and all the nurses attending came in and introduced themselves. I was wheeled in to the operating room at 7:50am and awoke in recovery at 9:30am. The surgeon advised my husband that everything went fine and that she'd repaired a haital(sp) hernia. Left the hospital around noon and slept all the way home. Then I slept off and on for the rest of the day. Wasn't hungry and the pain was not too severe - actually it was the CO2 that was causing the most pain. The Kicker: The CPAP that I had to have and had to bring with me - WAS NOT USED.

RavenClaw779

March 10, 2010

1

Winding down and some helpful day before hints

All the chores are done, suitcase packed and I'm winding down with a delicious mug of Sirloin Beef Stock - actually quite good or perhaps I really am losing my mind. btreiger reminded me to bring a pillow to pad my stomach on the ride home - great idea and one not even mentioned by the hospital staff. Here are some prep tips: * If you have to do a "cleansing" do a test run on the weekend. If I hadn't and had following the timing per the nurse, I'd still be on the toilet at the time of my surgery! *The numerous trips to the bathroom create what I like to call "Burning Butt". 'Roid cream will only make this worse. Must have - kid's flushable wipes(very gentle) and diaper rash cream(w/zinc oxide and cod liver oil). Yes, it smells but if you 'butter you buns' when you take your MOM as time goes by it's a lot less irritating. Also keep some reading material in the bathroom - you'll be in there so much you can read the whole Harry Potter series! *Don't forget to bring your insurance card and your health care proxy. Yes, it's a low risk surgery, but it is surgery so make sure your support person knows your wishes. I'd write more, but I gotta run!

RavenClaw779

March 8, 2010

2

Day Before Surgery

Began the pre-surgery prep yesterday with my last(yea!) Medifast shake and a shower using Dial(anti-bacterial - required). Boy does that soap make my skin itch. Also had to take MOM but was smart and took it in the AM so I wasn't up until the wee hours going. My husband cooked me a steak for dinner last night - probably the last I'll have for quite some time. Today it's clear liquid only. Exciting breakfast of coffee and orange sugar free jello and an ice pop - Mmm..Chewing gum helps keep me from putting anything real in my pie-hole. Almost time to take more MOM in prep for giving myself and enema tonight. Who-hoo big fun!:thumbup:

RavenClaw779

March 8, 2010

4

Wow - Am I surprised!

Last night was the second night I wore the BiPap. I managed to wear it for about five hours and I vaguely remember taking it off to get up to use the bathroom so I must've just left it off. NTL I am surprisingly rested and clear-head. Thinking of this machine as a "spa treatment" i.e., my "beauty" sleep has helped.

RavenClaw779

March 6, 2010

1

Five Days to Go

All the pre-approvals, testing and clearances are done. I've been running around getting the pantry stocked, bills paid, post-surgical dietary needs stocked, laundry done - etc. Still trying to get my mind around the no lift/push/pull over 10lbs for 4 weeks. I have two large dogs - if one of them even bumps me, I'm a goner:ohmy:! Everyone keeps asking me if I'm scared or excited. Actually - neither. I'm so busy and it's moving so fast that I don't have time to really dwell - and when I have pondered I get myself into a low level anxiety. I'm doing this for my health and it's just a tool but all the testing ramps it up the anxiety a bit even though everything's fine. Having had cancer puts an edge on any medical testing even after all these years. Add on trying to get used to a BiPap in five days which isn't going to be easy - here I am at my desk at midnight dodging going to bed like a child:tongue_smilie:! Still trying to get my husband to grasp that this isn't like getting a Snap-On tool. He seems to think I'm invincible because I've bounced back from other surgeries and maybe I will, but I'm trying to prepare him for the unpleasant potentials and that if I tell him he needs to get me to an ER, it's not a debate. I think he's thinking I'm going to be whipping up a home cooked meal on Wednesday night:w00t:! As far as the pre-surgical diet goes - I think it would've gone better if it was just limited to the two weeks prior. I've been on this for over a month. I have cheated - not too terribly. Last Friday after the surgeon cleared me, we went out for a late lunch. I had half a fish sandwich, 6 fries and a 1/4c of cole slaw and was full. It's been a struggle since. I managed two shakes today and ate a 1/4 of a chicken breast and some crackers with cheese. Now I feel gassy & guilty! (but not sleepy)

RavenClaw779

March 5, 2010

1

Cardio/Pulmonary/Sleep Worries

Having anxiety has led to a number of "cardiac" incidents over the years i.e., palpatations. Coupled with a family history of heart disease, I've had echocardiograms, stress tests, Holter monitering and other than some trivial valve issues and a slightly irregular heartbeat, every cardiologist I've seen has told me I have nothing to worry about. Last Friday's pre-surgical clearance with my doc had my BP at 110/74. Today - after the BiPap fitting, I drove an hour to meet with the pulmonlogist - for 15 minutes. When I got there my BP was 138/84 and he expressed concern. Nevertheless, my pulmonary function tests were fine - lung capacity and oxygenation well within a normal healthy range. The pulmonologist didn't even feel that my SA issues were that severe that if the BiPap didn't work for me, it wouldn't be a big deal...but the Resp Therapist told me my poor sleep quality and oxygen levels could lead to a heart attack or stroke. Apparently I shouldn't sleep on my back either. Okay - except that I have arthritis in my neck and any other position is uncomfortable, coupled the carpal tunnel which make my hands go numb when I lay on my side. I still have to wonder about the accuracy of the sleep study, when none of these issues are addressed. Beyond dealing with my weight, I have to say getting older sucks as it seems it's a juggling act of trying to balance life's responsibilities with managing health issues.

RavenClaw779

March 5, 2010

1

BiPap Update

I have to admit that I was wrong - while my "Sleep Apnea" quiz indicated I wasn't likely to have SA, the actual test yielded some surprising results. I probably would've grasped the reality better if my pulmonologist had called me with the results of the initial test(2/18). Instead, I got the full picture today(plus copies of both test results) from the Lincare respitory therapist. I only had one incident of obstructive apnea, but 161 hypopneas(shallow breathing) resulting in a drop in my blood oxygen level which means that even though I get a full night's sleep, my oxygen level dips too low, so I'm not sleeping as deeply as I could. So, I've got the BiPap and I wore it today while reading. It was okay - we'll see what happens tonight.

RavenClaw779

March 5, 2010

1

More CPAP Thoughts

Drowsydad makes a good point about possible positives. Following the last adventure at the (No) Sleep Lab I did some research on CPAP and found out a number of interesting points: 1) Your nose and face are supposed to be measured...nostril type/width, nasal depth, length, eye to nose ratio. Masks come in different sizes based on gender and even age - there's even equipment for kids. No one at Jurassic Sleep Lab measured me for fit. 2) Feelings of confinement are quite common even for people without recognized "claustrophobia" present in other situations. 3) Compliance beyond 3 months is poor. Perhaps that's why the machines and masks are so expensive. 4) There are BiPap machines available which drop the level of "push" on exhalation so it doesn't feel like the machine is trying to breath for you. 5) There are alternatives to the full face mask and the nasal octopus:laugh: - like the nasal prong... I'll try to keep an open mind.

RavenClaw779

March 3, 2010

3

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