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Time for a fill....

I wonder what can I do because I'm not feeling very hungry but I feel like I should eat because its breakfast time, or lunch time, or dinner time, and when I eat, I can eat too much. No restriction, unless I ate bread.   And what to do when everyone else is eating, or eating is an event, or people are always asking me out to eat? It feels like eating used to be something I did, and now its the center of my life because I'm trying to avoid it, or I spend alot of time choosing what I can eat, or worrying if I should even eat at all, because really, I'm not hungry enough to be having a meal.   And when you pay good money for a meal, but you are full and you should stop eating, but you dont want to waste it, so you keep going. I'm such a tight ass, I really feel bad to leave my meal not finished.   And when I'm at home, if I feel bored, I start to check the fridge. Or I even forget about the band and gulp down a drink, and then hiccup like crazy for the next 15 minutes, or dont chew enough and get stuck and curse myself for another 15 minutes.   It's these habits that I have to learn to change, and they are hard to change. The band can only help me so much, the rest is up to me. My weight hasnt changed in a week, and I know its because of all these things I havent learnt to fix yet.
amanda3t

amanda3t

2
 

The beginning

Theres many reasons why I am fat. But none of them are really good enough. So I dont think I have to explain my journey of how I got fat, only my journey to become thin. I'm 105kgs. thats 231 pounds. I've gained and lost all my life, but suddenly last week something hit me, and I cant take it anymore. I did a search for lap banding in Korea, and I found this site. I called the clinic last Friday, and I made an appointment for Monday.   Today's appointment went well, but I was even unsure as to whether I would go through with it or not. But I just have to do it, and I know I can succeed. The doctor said I can have the surgery as soon as this Friday. I'm just a bit shocked at how fast this is all happening.   Being in Korea, if youre a fat woman, you stand out. If youre a fat woman with blonde hair, its even harder. But until I see my reflection, I dont really feel as big as I am. The main reason would be, that alot of my weight is in my belly. And since I've had a baby, I guess my belly looks like I'm still pregnant, keeps the same shape as when I was. But its been almost 2 years, so I dont want people to ask me 'when are you due?'   I really have to convince myself that no matter how I lose the weight, what counts is that I do. So I can be healthier to live a long life with my family. And LAP banding isnt cheating, it will still take work and commitment.   So, next is to decide when I want the surgery. Me deciding? feels so strange.
amanda3t

amanda3t

2
 

The band date

I've booked my surgery for this Saturday. I'm so nervous and excited at the same time. I'm so glad my husband is supporting me. He's happy I'm a bigger woman, but I dont think he means this big!! He thinks I could do it on my own, but he's standing by me and my decision, and I'm so grateful.
amanda3t

amanda3t

3
 

Sweet sweet ONEDERLAND!!

So I stepped on the scales and it says 90.5kgs/199 lbs!!!   I know being pregnant I wont stay in onderland, but I sure as hell am going to try!! (By eating healthily of course!)   So, last I wrote my doctor unfilled me to 2.5ccs, down from 3.5ccs. This was not because of pregnancy, but because I was having pains. He told me the pregnancy could produce swelling, and could be causing the pains. But at first, the pains didnt go away. I regretted not getting all of my fill removed, and planned to go back to the doctors again to do that. I gave it a few days, and I did get better. Maybe he was right.   Occasionally, I do get some pains. This happens when I eat too much, or have too much dairy. I dont know why! It's not restriction pain or blockage pain, its after everything has gone down fine, and 30 mins after I finished eating, only then will I get pain, and realise I should have ate less. Sometimes I eat less because I know it will come, othertimes I eat what I want, and then later regret it. I've found if I keep sitting after eating, there is no pain, but if I try to walk around or stand up in the 30mins/1 hr after eating, it will not feel good. So, as annoying as it is, I've controlled the pain, and only get it when I dont follow my rules. I'm trying to not be active after a meal, and give my body some time to digest.   I've felt pain once this week after going to a buffet (I took it easy compared to my partners in crime, but they dont have a band.) I sat talking for 3 hours, but I was nibbling even at the end, and when I got up to leave, I felt it. Didnt follow my rules!!   So, all in all, I'm doing okay. My unfil has made me able to eat anything again. No restriction. But, I am still eating a lot smaller portion sizes than I ever did before the band. I havent gained weight, and I lost 2-3lbs in 2 weeks. Really slow going, but with the unfil and my pregnancy, I'm grateful I havent gained.   I dont expect much for my weight loss until after the birth. I'm hoping to drop 5 more lbs, and keep myself in onederland for as long as I can. But only so long as the baby is doing well. I'm taking vitamins alot more regularly than I was before I found out I was pregnant. I barely took any during my first pregnancy. So I feel I'm being healthier with the band, and choosing better and more nutritious foods too.     I'm happy to be in onderland, even for a day!! It's been a while!!:wink2:
amanda3t

amanda3t

1
 

Overweight!!

I just wanted to scream out on my LBT blog about how I'm no longer Obese, I'm just plain old Overweight. wOOOhOOOO!!   Being 14 weeks pregnant, I havent gained weight, infact I've dropped a pound every 2 or 3 weeks. BUT, my clothes are getting tight, so I'm glad I didnt get a chance to throw my fat clothes away!! My skinny jeans are getting too tight around my tummy, so I have to go back to my bigger size, problem is the a$$ is so baggy, I look stupid. So, I bought a nice comfy skirt, and I'm thinking about buying some more....
amanda3t

amanda3t

1
 

operation story

I guess there are many people who are looking to get this surgery, and reading other peoples blogs helped me make my decision to get the surgery. So I hope my information helps somebody in the same way. So I'm putting all the details I can remember, sorry if its too long.     I woke up 6am to get a shower in, pack my bag, get my baby's stuff packed up, as hubby and 2yr old were coming to the hospital with me. (I felt later how crazy I was for taking him, but we didnt really have anyone else to take care of him, and I felt like I needed my husband. And we had a private room)   We arrived before 8, and I got changed. Next, they did the laproscopy? The camera down your throat. I was fully awake, I could feel that, I was gagging, and they held me down. I was so shocked, I didnt expect that at all. The whole process was over in 45 seconds, BUT it scared the %$ out of me!!   I said goodbye to baby and hubby, and went to the surgery room. I laid down, and I remember hearing them talk in Korean, but soon I was asleep.   I have no idea about time, I was totally out of it after surgery. I had barely slept the night before, I have 2 year old who likes to wake up in the night. All I wanted to do was sleep. I remember waking up in the recovery room and them asking me to walk to my room. Somehow I did. I was in and out of sleep after that. I told them I was so hungry it hurt, not sure if it was true, but it felt like it. My baby was knocking things over, crying to be with me, and didnt understand why I wasnt paying attention to him. I asked my husband to take baby and do something else for the day, since I wanted to sleep.   They asked me if I wanted pain medication, and I said yes please!! I fell asleep and woke up many times, it felt like I had slept ages, but I checked my phone and it had been only an hour. So I slept more. I woke up suddenly with uncontrollable gagging. Nothing ever came up, nothing in my stomach, but it hurt like hell, and I wanted it to stop so badly. This happened until I fell asleep sitting up.   The girl who had her surgery after me, left at 3pm. I felt stupid and weak, but with more dry gagging, I couldnt give a shit. I got more pain relief, and went to bed for the night. I havent gagged since the first day.   In the morning, I was ready to go home. My doc put me under the xray to show me my band and port. it looked normal, but strange to see inside myself.   All my body was hurting from gas. The car ride home was torture, every bump hurt. It wasnt my wounds, but my body, from the gas. Shoulder?? I still dont understand why my shoulder would hurt, but it did, all my insides hurt.   The doctors told me to walk, so I walked around the shopping center buying some band friendly foods for the next few days. But after that I could barely move, I hurt so bad in every position. Until... I farted. TMI, but the truth is, the next few hours my life got better with every fart. I couldnt burp even though I knew I wanted to. I feel more myself today, day 3. I woke up with another few good farts. I think I have one or two more to go, and then I'll be gass free.   I'm scared to eat. I mean, that dry gagging was horrible. I dont want to do it again. EVER. I've had corn soup, apple juice, water, drinking yogurt, and my mashed up medicine in water. I dont feel hungry, but I've tried to drink something every few hours.   I can sleep on both sides and my back. my port is directly above my belly button. It feels itchy, so I'm doing my best not to scratch. im still wearing my belly brace because it feels good. When I took it off to show my hubby the incisions (4) I felt like my guts were falling out. So the brace was back on pretty quickly.   I'm scared for my fill next week. I hate needles. Do I need to have a fill so fast? I havent felt any restriction yet, but thats because I havent eaten any foods. And when I'm drinking liquids, I always stop myself from drinking too much because I'm scared I'll hurt myself. I hope I can find out my limits soon. I asked my doc about the fill, he said i have a 10 cc band, and its standard for him to put 3ccs for the first fill, because I dont have any restriction yet. Could I be healed enough to get a fill?? worried.   The first 2 days, I kept asking myself, am I crazy?? What was I thinking?? Today, I'm feeling better and I know I can make it work once I'm 100%. I was so down at the start because of the pain and gas, even last night I was too negative, but now it's going away, I feel like it will be okay soon.
amanda3t

amanda3t

4
 

Oh no! Woohoo! Help!

So, since Sunday I had pains in my stomach. I ate food at a restuarant for dinner. Rice, Tofu, and some onion and mushrooms. Later when I stood up to leave, the pains hit. At first I didnt know why I was hurting. I thought it was a bad case of gas (I sometimes have gas pain in the evenings). Or even, I ate too much.   But I kept getting stomach aches. So I thought, I'm due for that time of the month, so must be that. When it didnt come, I decided to take a pregnancy test. It came up POSITIVE. I took 4 of them, all the same result. I couldnt believe it! we tried for 6 months before I decided to have the band, and nothing happened. I thought it was because of my weight, and I wanted to do something about it. We stopped trying to have a baby, with the goal to lose about 20 or 25kgs before trying again. Isnt it funny the minute you stop trying, it happens??   I'm more than happy about the pregnancy, but I feel it just isnt the right time because I was so focused on my weight loss. I know I can lose again after birth, but I really wanted to get a fair chunk off before having another baby. BUT that being said, I want this baby more than anything, so my weight problems can wait!!   So I thought I had found the reason for my stomach pains, but still I havent. I dont think its cramping, I feel it really is my band. I notice more and more it happens after food. Doc was closed yesterday and I barely ate because I didnt want to be in pain. I took all my vitamins and supplements, but I cant keep going like this. So, I'm going to the docs now to get it checked out.   Please cross your fingers for me that it isnt a band slip. I dont know how I can deal with that right now!!   On another note, I'm down 13kgs/28.6lbs since feb 13. I'm currently weighing 92kgs/202.4lbs. I'm so close to my 200 goal, I'm sure with a little morning sickness, I'll make it soon!!
amanda3t

amanda3t

4
 

How I've been....

I need to do two posts. First, I wanna talk about how I've been since the surgery. I'm still dealing with gas pain. It bloody hurts. When I change sides while sleeping, I can feel the gas move too. Now I've realised, if I'm sitting up and start to feel the gas, if I stand up straight away and walk around a bit, it doesnt hurt as bad as if I kept sitting. But the more I eat, like soups, or yogurt, even water, I can feel I'm swallowing air. And that means more gas in my stomach, more pain. I'm afraid to drink my liquid food. I'm afraid to drink water. The problem is I'm only getting about 15-20g of protein in, and not even 2 glasses of water. And even if I wasnt afraid, my stomach isnt letting me drink more. I tried to have some water last night, and it led to a serious vomiting episode. I spat up water, saliva and blood.   I'm just hoping everyday gets better, and I'm waiting for the time I can feel good with my band. I mean, it's not like I can do anything else.... but please let me feel better soon!!
amanda3t

amanda3t

3
 

First fill and a confession

I had my first fill last Friday. The doc who usually does the cosmetic surgeries did it. My doc was eating lunch, but came out straight after my fill. I wonder if they were letting him practise.....   I got 2ccs. My doc previously said he would give me 3 ccs, so I'm a bit miffed I didnt get 3, as I totally cant notice the 2. Well I lie, I can notice the 2, but I need more. Since the fill, I'm getting stuck on foods that were previously fine. In 3 weeks, I've recovered back to my normal self, and I'm eating less and better, but I know I can do better.   My mum sent us (ok, my 2 year old) some easter eggs. I ate one. I thought I should come and blog it so someone can slap me on the face!!
amanda3t

amanda3t

1
 

Feeling pregnant.....

So, I'm happy to report all pains after eating have dissappeared. My only problem now is morning sickness. As there are many women who have done this before, they know, morning sickness can occur at any moment of the day!!   I basically have no appetite, and this jumps straight to starving!! So one minute, I turn my nose up at all food in my fridge, the next I'm ravenous, my belly aching for food. I'm fighting the good fight with vitamins and protein shakes, but I really want to eat as much real food as possible. I have no restriction anymore, so I know I could eat more, but I just feel queasy after a few bites of anything.   I'm sitting at a 35 pound loss, a week out from my 3 month bandiversary. I actually stopped caring about the scale now. Since I'm so nauseous, most of my daily trips to the bathroom (where scales are kept) are to pray to my porcelain god. I'd rather have no morning sickness and gain a few pounds than go through this, but well, I dont really get a choice.   Please have your fingers crossed for me that this morning sickness goes away fast!!
amanda3t

amanda3t

2
 

Doctors appointment. Any Ideas?

I had an xray (while having my belly covered with a vest) and the doc said the band is still in the right spot.   I dont know what that means!!! So if its not a band slip, why does it hurt 30 mins after I eat, for about 1 hour???   I have 3.5ccs in my band, and the doctor removed 1cc. He was hoping that my pain would go away with this, but after eating later (mashed potato and cheese) I am still having pains.   I dont feel more restricted, I dont feel less restricted. I just feel pain 30 mins after food. The unfill didnt change anything. I dont want to be afraid to eat anything, especially when I'm pregnant and need to eat well.   Any suggestions??
amanda3t

amanda3t

1
 

Changing goals

So my first goal was 131lbs. Now that I think about it, thats crazy. Sure, I got weight loss surgery, I have something helping me lose weight, but I still have to be realistic!! Thats my dream weight, my dream goal. I dont remember being this weight. I think I need to set an attainable goal first, and once I reach that, I can go for more from there.   So my new goal is 151lbs. I was that weight when I met my husband. And I was happy. When I get to there, I will be happy, and anything else will be a bonus.   I am now 191lbs, which puts me half way to this new goal. I've lost 40lbs since Feb 13th. It's amazing. I want more, but I cant at the moment. But I'm grateful 40lbs are gone for now. Yay for me!!
amanda3t

amanda3t

1
 

Banded!!

I guess I'll write more later, but at least, its done. I dont think I had an easy time, but its only been 36 hours, so I'll wait until tomorrow to see how I feel. But yes, recovery is harder than I imagined.
amanda3t

amanda3t

5
 

Baby Steps!!

I had the surgery exactly 5 weeks ago. Since then, I've been taking baby steps towards my goals. While I want to take adult steps, I know it doesnt work like that.   So to keep me motivated I made a lot of goals for myself. At 208 pounds, I've just made it past my goal to lose 20 pounds, and now I'm past that!!   Here are some future goals I'm aiming for:   206 pounds: 1/4 of my goal weight loss gone!! 199 pounds: onederland! 195 pounds: my pre pregnancy weight. 181 pounds: 1/2 of my goal weight loss gone!! 156 pounds: 3/4 of my goal weight loss gone, and what I weighed when I first met my husband. 130 pounds: 101 pounds lost and my dream weight.   On the way up, I didnt feel too fat until I got to 170. Then I started to feel depressed about my body, but everytime I stepped on the scale, it was only getting worse. I wish someone had woke me up then, so I wouldnt be here now, but well thats impossible. So WHEN (I wrote 'if', but I need to be more positive!) I reach 155 pounds I will be satisfied with my journey and everything that I lose or dont lose after that will be okay. I cant even remember being 130 pounds, so maybe I'm dreaming anyway!   Some goals are close, and some are a long way off. But I think haivng these goals really motivate me to keep working hard, even when I dont want to, or the scales dont seem to move.:mad:
amanda3t

amanda3t

2
 

25 pounds GONE!!

Title says it all people, I'm thrilled with the results so far!! I'm in my 6th week post op, no pre op diet, and down 25 pounds. I am now officially 1/4 of the way there, at 206 pounds. Come on onederland!!!   Theres still a long way to go, I know. But I havent been this slim since I was 4 months pregnant, and that was 2.5 years ago!!   When I was pregnant, I told myself, I dont have to lose the weight I wanted to lose before I got pregnant. My dieting stopped for the good of my baby, I was eating for 2 now. But actually, thats a big fat lie. Healthy eating would have been good for my baby. 30 mins on the treadmill would have been good for my baby. NOT doing those things was bad. I should have kept watching what I ate, so that I didnt go from 180 to 230 pounds, and I dont even remember WHEN I dissappeared into the 200's.   When I get the chance to be pregnant again, I wont use it as an excuse to eat whatever I want and slob on the couch.
amanda3t

amanda3t

2
 

1 week check up.

I went for my 1 week check up today. My doc checked my wounds, and asked me if I wanted a fill. I have so much restriction right now, I do not need one. I can barely eat, and am rarely hungry. I said no fill for me, and he was fine.   My doc said he wanted me to hop under the xray to look at my band and port. He said, some docs put the port into muscle, but he doesnt. so it can move a little. He said, the xray doesnt show which way around the port is, so he wants to put the needle in to check:blink::redface: Here I was, thinking I was avoiding a fill (and happily avoiding a needle), but then turns out he still wants to jab me. I tried to get out of it, but I lost the arguement. It barely hurt, and I felt like such a baby. I wont be scared next time I go when I actually need a fill. But I wonder, when will that be? I feel tight all the time.   My trip to the doctors, 1.5 hrs each way, was my first excursion since my surgery. I've just got home, and I'm very sore, stomach muscles aching. I think I overdid myself a little.   On a good note, yesterday I went to my chemist, and asked for something to relieve the gas, and I took whatever it is she gave me (its written in Korean, so I have no idea!). This morning I woke up and did 2 of the biggest farts since my surgery. I felt so much better!! Seriously, TMI, but who cares. Relief!!       Thought I should put my typical eating at the moment:   Breakfast: Cup of Yogurt (runny kind)   Lunch: Soup (either corn, mushroom, broccoli, or pumpkin. very basic.) one pack is 150g, and I never finish half.   Smoothie: 100g yogurt, banana, and some milk.   Dinner: One scarmbled egg, (hard to finish, last night) or tonight, 2 pieces of large spinach mozarella ravoili, cut up and chewed a gazillion times, and 1 tablespoon of mashed potato with milk in it.   I try to drink as much water or very watered down juice as I can in between meals. The waiting to drink after a meal is hard.   I know I need more, and I'm hoping to get some protein shakes this weekend to help me meet the minimum. I'm probably only managing 20-30 grams so far, and I think thats being generous.     I was 105kgs pre surgery, (231lbs) I'm 98kgs, (216lbs)   7kgs/15lbs in less than a week? I think I should start my ticker!!!:frown:
amanda3t

amanda3t

3
 

....and my first goal.

I WANT to loose weight properly with this band. I WANT to eat healthy foods, and stop when I feel the restriction from the band, and I WANT to exercise.   At the moment, I cant eat enough, I cant exercise enough, and I cant loose weight properly. But regardless, I am losing weight. I will appreciate this weight loss now, and promise myself to keep trying to do it properly when I am able to.   My first goal, was to go from 105kgs to 99kgs, get back into the double digits. I planned to reach this goal in one month, March 13th, my son's second birthday. Those 6kgs, I have been unable to lose in one year. I got down to 101, and put it back on again at least twice last year. But today, my scales say 99.6kgs. I have not seen this number since my son was 5 months old.   I dont feel I accomplished it, it's probably lost water weight, or the 5 days on barely any food, or both. But, if it is gone, I hope it stays gone. And soon, I WILL make the rest go by my choices.
amanda3t

amanda3t

1
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