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Changes....

Well, I am almost 3 weeks post surgery and what a ride its been already. The surgery wen well and I did experience some pain for the first 5-7 days. But by day 3 I went to the movies and started getting out of the house regularly. About 2 weeks post op, the depression came. I realized what I had done to myself and was sad at the "divorce" from food. Food was my best friend and I was letting it go...It was very hard to let go, but I made my peace with it and told it that I no longer needed that friendship in my life. It was ruining my life.... I am still a bit depressed, although not as bad. I am going to ask my psych doc to increase my antidepressant for a bit. I am seeing a therapist to help me deal with my food issues but I do not think she is the right therapist for me. We really dont talk about food issues. We mostly talk about her....I will ask my psych doc for a therapist who deals with addiction and had experience with food addiction....since I am a food addict. Since being banded, I have bought a adult 3 wheel bike, sketchers shape up shoes, and a Wii. I have been looking forward to using this stuff but now have come down with bronchitis and a head cold. I'm feeling crappy physically. I am down a total of 33 pounds which makes me feel good....but I want more. I want everything I have been dreaming of, and the things my morbid obesity has kept me from doing. At my post surgery appointment everyone said how good I was doing and that I have healed up properly.   Now, it is time to really start this new life...the healthy life...the active life...the life I have always dreamed of... This will be hard, emotional, powerful, painful,wonderful, exciting, amazing, joyous, eventful and the best thing I could ever do. I'm ready....I just need to get over this cold/bronchitis...   I love myself today.... :thumbup:
Megg40

Megg40

6
 

Reaching Goals and being excited!!

Ok...I know this is early but I'm just so excited that I can't wait...I am 2 pounds away from first goal....In 2 pounds I will be in twoderville!!! A loss of 1 pound will put me at the 50 pounds lost mark!! I am going to reward myself by going to a quality plus sized clothing store and getting a few items...I need everything, even panties and bras...My body is changing and looking smaller. I CAN EVEN SEE IT NOW!!! I am just so happy that I had this surgery...I found out today what my Mom is giving me for reaching my ultimate goal of 199....She is giving me my deceased great aunt's 1 carrot diamond solitare ring....It will be an honor to wear that ring....my aunt was a wonderful woman. She had polio when she was 5 and was on crutches/wheelchair her whole life.....I miss her!! Anyway, after I lose the 2 pounds it will seem like forever to get down 100 more. I plan to make small goals of 10 - 20 pounds each and always reward myself...I think goals are very important to set and when reached to celebrate!! Did I happen to mention that I am addicted to swimming now..??? Me, 350 pound very sedentary woman, 3 months ago, is now addicted to a form of exercise...I can't believe it. When I swim, I feel so good because I know it is only giving me great things. I have increased energy, more stamina for my day, better self esteem, fat loss, heart benefits...and most days a more positive mood. Everyone said " exercise is so good for you" I said....no thanks. But now, I see the importance and benefits....   I am learning to love me in so many new ways and I am grateful to my Higher Power, my surgeon, my partner and my Mom.... Meg
Megg40

Megg40

4
 

I REALLY Can't Believe this.....

I really can not believe this.....Things have been gong ok and I've been getting some swimming in...but I woke up. went to bathroom and weighed....I'm at 310!!! 40 POUNDS GONE!!!! I haven't even had a fill yet....Wonder what it will be like with restriction???/ I am so very excited and proud of myself. This has not been easy at all....but it has been so worth it. To think I have lost 40 pounds since March 20th 2010 is amazing. I think someone in Heaven is rooting for me....( my dad ) I feel very fortunate to be able to have this band and the willingness to be patient with myself....I used to lose patience and just give up. Now, I am enjoying the journey....the good, bad, and ugly...Weight loss, no matter how you achieve it, is a journey. I am getting some sense of self confidence, I think. Even though I am still in the 300's, I don't think I will be there too much longer.... Loving Me,:biggrin:
Megg40

Megg40

3
 

March 6....18 days to go!!

I can't believe that in 18 days I will have a toll to help live a better and healthier life. I have so many dreams....things I want to do in my new life. I want to be healthy and have a healthy relationship with food. For the last week or so, I've been doing really well. I haven't even started my preop diet yet and I am down 12 pounds. For me, that is wonderful.:tt1: I am very proud of myself. It's not easy, especially with Beth having all of the Mountain Dew in the fridge, but I know that I can't have even one sip, It would be detrimental to my health at this point. Probably because then I would want a whole one.... My body is feeling better in some ways as well. I seem to have a bit more energy and not needing to nap everyday like I used to. I am a bit nervous about seeing my doctor on Monday. I find out my test results and find out if I will be cleared for surgery.....gosh I hope so. I can't wait for the day when I can walk one whole mile and not want to die on the sidewalk. I want so badly to enjoy nature, my dog, my wife, my life. Sometimes I sit and cry because I am 40 and feel as if I have wasted so much time...I want to enjoy the rest of my time on this earth...I want to live life to the fullest. God, Buddah,....Please help me. Give me the strength and courage to do what I need to do for my health today.... Thank You!!!!
Megg40

Megg40

2
 

06/13/10 Venting

Been a while since I blogged....   This is just venting of where I am at these days... First, since dropping a total of 61 pounds in 2.5 months the scale is frustrating the hell outta me...I am fighting the same damn 3 pounds for a week and a half now...I am so upset about this. It seems that all the work I have done is just now starting to not work. I am getting a bit depressed. The depression is leading to less exercising....and loss of motivation. I am trying really hard to keep my eating in check and so far I have but I'm losing interest in exercise. I wish I had a work out buddy or someone to talk too....   Usually I am a very positive person and one who people ask me questions and look at me as being successful so far....I don't feel it anymore. Part of the lack of exercise has come from having major dental work done the last few weeks...I am trying to get a healthier mouth and a pretty smile that years of soda ruined. So, i have dental work done, I'm in pain for 4-5 days and on pain meds, I don't exercise as much and I'm fighting 3 pounds over and over. I dont know if I need a fill or not. I'm not scheduled for my second fill til July 25th. I am feeling pretty lonely and I have no one to talk with...I don't want to call my surgeon office and tell them that I'm losing my motivation because they look at me as a success so far...I guess I don't want to let them down....   I also just got done with my menstrual cycle and I do have PMDD so maybe theres a bit of that going on as well...I'm just not feeling the groove anymore...I don't feel the excitement of having the band anymore....I don't view it as a problem, I'm just not as excited as I was... I had major dental work on Thursday, and today I tried to not take any main meds...I made it til 6pm this evening and I took some...I also had a migraine today...my first in months. What is wrong with me...I wish I had an in person friend to talk to....I really am so lonely....   Meg:crying:
Megg40

Megg40

2
 

ok....Bandster Hell really kicking in....

Ok....tomorrow is one month post op and bandster hell is kicking in...I find myself wanting to graze during night time...These are habits/demons that I have to learn to battle...there is no magic pill or band that will stop me from eating too much. I have to deal with these problems and fix them myself. I am feeling better day by day...I have been swimming a lot this week but not losing....not gaining either which I guess is the best part. I am now on soft foods and don't really know what my coloric intake should be,,,,I see surgeon on 5/4 for first fill and I see the NUT then as well. Maybe I can get some more info personal to me....I was very excited today becasue I put on a pair of shorths that last year were uncomfortably tight and now they feel very good. Also a lot of my tops are just way too big, but I continue to wear them....I am getting a great tan, and hopefully toning my body as well as burning calories in the pool... I want to start walking but I'm afraid to push it to much right now...in 15 pounds I will be in twoderville....maybe I will start walking then. Life is pretty good today....glad I have the band even tho theres nothing in it....gotta stop the night grazing...I feel like my health is already a bit better. On my journey to self love....pretty cool!!!:wink2: Meg
Megg40

Megg40

2
 

Good Morning Life

Lately, life has just been happening and I'm just trying to go with the flow...I am down a total of 43 pounds and I'm very excited about that!! My first goal was to be down to 299 by the end of June 10....I have 8 pounds to go and I think I will make that goal sooner than I thought:thumbup: I go for my first fill in 4 days. I am kinda nervous, I don't know why....maybe because this is the first or my food intake will probably be restricted. Even though I know I need to make better choices about what goes into my body, not having a fill these last 2 weeks, I have been eating more and things that would not be in my best interest to eat. I am still losing even though I have made a few bad choices here lately. I have found that I do need more calories than what I was told because every time I have induldged, I have lost weight!! It's crazy.... I was worried that I wouldn't get a fill next week because of my weight loss....But I called my surgeons office and they said that I would get a fill regardless so that made me feel better. Right now, I feel I could go to a buffet and eat whatever I wanted ( except bread) I am really hungry and thinking and dreaming about food. I have crazy dreams about food and my band.... I am still swimming almost every day. I push myself more in the pool to go longer or use more effort. I know I need to really start walking more. I am so scared that I will have a heart attack and then that thought sends me into a panic attack...I really need to talk with my surgeon and primary doc to figure out my risk of heart attack/stroke. If they tell me the truth then maybe I can really start walking more. Since this coming week I will be 6 weeks post op, I have the opportunity to meet with a personal trainer. That excites me and scares me. Why am I so afraid to push myself....( besides the health reasons ). I am still on my meds for cholesterol and triglycerides. I am hoping to make an appointment with reg doc to get blood work done and see if the doses can be lowered or even taken off them completely. Life as a bandster is not a bad life by any means. I have been given a gift and even though it has had its challenges, it is so worth it. I am learning to love myself, forgive myself and to make healthier choices. It does not happen overnight....:smile: But it is a journey and one that I am fortunate to be on.....well time to close, TIME FOR BREAKFAST....LOL   Loving Me daily Meg:tt1:
Megg40

Megg40

2
 

Bandster hell.....Not too bad

Well...Im almost 1 month post op 6 days til post op anniversary of one month. I can't believe everything that has happened to me already. Healing from surgery was not pleasant, and I really do believe that I did recover more slowly than others because I am a smoker. Since then after two weeks of recovery, I got bronchitis and a head cold....they are finally leaving my body now. I also have had a bout with more depression and anxiety and I have seen my psychiatrist and she has increased my meds for now. The depression is getting better. I have found that I am more in a "funk" when I stay home all day and do nothing. It's those days I want to nap or feel down....So, I need to get out of the house daily. Even if it's just to go lay by the pool or go to the tanning bed...anything to get me outta the house is good for me. The last 2 days I have been walking. Saturday, I walked for 45 minutes and today I walked for 35 minutes. It really does feel good to get my body moving....a few weeks ago, exercise was just taking the dogs out. Now, when I do take them out I go for a longer walk with them then just the amount of walk for them to "get down to business" I can't believe I AM WALKING...ME the one who has so much pain in her knees...ME the one who hates to sweat, ME the one who weighs still over 300 pounds is walking. ME ME ME!!!! It is such an awesome feeling to know that I CAN start taking care of my body....that I CAN be physically active. 4 months ago, I would go to wal mart and get a motorized chair to shop with.....NOT ANYMORE!! I CAN WALK. I still have 2 weeks before my first fill and "bandster hell" has not been too unbearable. I guess because I drink a lot of water between meals and I'm getting in a lot of protein....some days over 100 grams. I feel so excited that I may possibly be getting my life back....It scares me though to think "well maybe this still wont happen for me"...I do still have those thoughts but they are getting less. I have been in the fight for my life for years and I had given up. Until Jan 4th 2010 when I attended my lap band seminar. Then the wild ideas about having a life again were just so amazing...amazing that MAYBE, it could happen to me.....I think it finally is.... I am so very proud of myself and I know there will be bumps ahead but dang this feels so good....it feels better than a reecees peanut butter cup would taste, or even chocolate mint ice cream.....this feels better than that!!!! I hope and pray that it continues....   Meg:unsure:
Megg40

Megg40

2
 

Nashville.....

Nashville....my home for the first 30 years of my life...Wow, that's a long time. I am feeling so horrible about the flooding that happened there yesterday. I am very very sad. I have family and friends there that have been devistated and displaced because of this. Areas of Nashville that I know well, now sit under 12 feet of water. My Grandparents home is one of those. They both died in the last 9 months and their home was still full of antiques, pictures, and many many memories. It is now ruined. All you can see is the roof of the home. We were fixing to go back up there yet again, to remove the precious things and put it on the market, now all is lost. We have tried to call people to check on their well being but the power and phones are out in a lot of areas. I just can not express my sadness at this time. Downtown Nashville, a very historical district is flooded. My brother reported yesterday that semi trucks are under water....and that traffic lights are now sitting just above the water level.....unbelieveable! My heart is just broken...Nashville was and always will be my home. I am praying for the safety of many people at this time. Even people that had hurt me or have been unkind at times, I hope they are all well and alive. With all that Mother Nature is dishing out around the world lately, I think is making a very loud statement to a lot of people. We are ruining are planet and it is now in revolt!! I have thought about this a lot lately....What can I do? How can I help? I am now starting to recycle everything I can. All the water bottles I go through are a big thing to recycle. Living here in Florida, with the recent oil spill, I have volunteered my time to help care for the birds that need to be bathed and taken care of. I am just one person, and I have been lacking in my involvement for many years. I think when it hits home....literally, you tend to want to make a change. Just like morbid obesity did to me. When it finally hit home that my health was rapidly declining, I needed to make a change and I did. I just wish I had not of waited to take care of my health and my planet til something drastic happened. But, that's what it took for me.... I am making positive changes in my life and the life of our planet. I am just one person, but maybe I can influence one other person somehow to make the changes before it "hits home"....   Sad but loving me and our planet!!! Missing Nashville and praying for safety of everyone... Meg
Megg40

Megg40

1
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