Is what I find myself saying about food all the time almost on a daily basis!
Something that once almost ruled my life is now so far removed. I eat because I "NEED" to now instead of because I WANT to, don't get me wrong I still enjoy a DELICIOUS meal and cooking but prior to my surgery I never understood how people could say "Oh I forgot about that" when it came to food.
Like bringing in something like donuts or mcdonalds to work, the people who take a bite or don't even open it and just leave it on their desk for the day. I would always say something to them in a joking manner to let them know um HEY it's there and YOU need to eat it!
But now I'm that person. I don't get it, but I am. Food no longer rules me and it's SO liberating. I keep finding things in my bag that people have given me like candy, chips, snack bars, etc... I just throw it in my bag and days later I'm like "Oh yeah..."
Yesterday I was at a festival and I didn't go to ANY of the food booths *GASP*, even the one vendor who was giving away FREE cake.. yeah I know.. CAKE.. and I LOVE CAKE.. This morning, I woke up a lil' hungry and was like MAN I FORGOT ABOUT THAT CAKE!!!! lol
It feels SO good, so so good to just be you and not you with food. To be able to eat a few bites and put something up and know it's ok if you want more it's there if not, that's ok too. I spent so much of my life consuming food while it was obviously consuming me. This is just AMAZING! So glad I did this for myself!
So today is my 6 months of being banded. I had my regular appointment yesterday and we did some extra things to make sure everything is ok as well.
I have a clean bill of health. The band is working wonderfully, I got another fill which puts me to just over 8ccs in a 14cc band.
I'm 7lbs shy of my 6 month goal which was to lose 50lbs, but given the weightloss rollercoaster I've been on with the shedding pounds then gaining muscle at this point I'm just excited to be losing and to see the results in my body.
When I shared what has going on with the sliming etc.. we discussed what I was eating each time, and then did a barium x-ray to make sure the band was working and not leaking, etc.. Everything looked great, it was so interesting to see it actually "work" in my body.
After we decided to do a small fill to aid in my upcoming PMS eating... and today I feel great, had some eggs and even a porkchop today. - at separate times of course lol
Other than that everything is great, this is still the best thing I ever did for myself... it's amazing to me to think and know that in 6 months time I will have another 50+ lbs to have lost a total of 100+lbs. It's amazing to me, makes me just want to shout and run on that like I was in church! God is SO good, none of this is possible for me without Him! Hallelujah! :sneaky::confused:
This whole thing has just been awesome!
First let me say a thank you to those of you who sent me messages to check up on me, or let me know you missed my blogging, etc...
I've been quite the busy lil' bee lately and being online has only been for work and the occassional facebook check in lol.
All of that being said, let's see it's been about a month since my last log in.. not even sure about my last blog.
But the 4th of June I had another fill....I think this puts me at 7.75 in a 14 cc band. And wow can I feel the difference. Even getting samples at costco is too much for me right now.
My last two fills have had me experience sliming, pb'ing and last night for the first time...vomiting, well I think it was vomiting, I get confused on what you guys call PB'ing. Either way, It may be TMI but I ate a few chunks of fruit, (pineapple, cantaloupe, watermelon, etc..) by the time I got to the 4th chunk I had to excuse myself.. as I sat in the bathroom sliming....suddenly in one fell swoop up came the last chunk of fruit I had, not gross, but just as if I had chewed it and spit it out. Then I INSTANTLY felt better and went back to eating. I think I didn't chew enough, or my band just doesn't like honeydew lol.
Anyways...my weightloss had seemed to slow prior to this last fill. When I went in I had lost 2lbs. Which is still great considering what my diet had consisted of... Not that it's an excuse but I've been working excessive hours like 9am to 3am and moving. My house/houses were boxed up for about 3 weeks and for some reason the movers boxed up the kitchen first. So the combination of all of that had me back in my old lover's arms, basking in the light of his golden arches. Darn you Ronald...DARN YOU!! I said I would never call again... but you got me. But I'll get away this time lol... So after almost a month of fast food almost EVERY night.. I still lost. *Sigh* when I think of how much MORE I could have lost if I had been on plan!
I'm back to a white out (no flour, sugar, salt, rice) and putting protien shakes into heavy rotation while eating very small portions. Like last night I had 1/2 of a fish fillet (the fish not the sandwich lol) and some veggies. I wasn't hungry at all, but I hadn't eaten since 2 or 3pm so I figured I should eat something.
I have an appoint on Friday, supposed to be a fill appointment, I REALLY don't think I need any more liquid in there than I have right now.. maybe .25 to put it to 8 and tighten me up through my PMS phase which is due to come.
I can't be the only one who's band does not seem to be a match for mother nature during that time. I swear it's almost like my jaws come unhinged and I want to put everything in sight in my mouth, the sweeter and carby-er the better lol.. yes I know carbyer isn't a word but you know what? It's MY blog lol
Ok so where does that leave me.. been a good girl for the most part since my fill.. really didn't have a choice..
Came up with a new smoothy recipe that is AMAZING.. I mean AMAZING!!!
Speaking of amazing...I experienced this tres leche cake at a local spot here that is AMAZING.. I mean toe-curling, grab the edge of the table and look at the plate like it just did some dirty things to you, kind of amazing!!! I've made this my once a month treat.
Tres Leche cake, with coconut milk ice cream, topped with toasted coconut and pineapple tidbits and this rum sauce.. OMG this rum sauce.. AMAZING! I mean A-FREAKING-MAZING!
Like I had to stop eating it before there was a When Harry Met Sally kinda scene in there.. luckily I was sharing it with someone else so it didn't go to waste.
I'm going hardcore from now on... this friday is my 6 months post op and although I've lost, I'm not happy with my progress because I *KNOW* I could have done WAYYYYYYYYYY better. I've been so busy putting other things first and not focusing on me and my workout time, etc...
So going hard core, come my 1 yr anniversary ya'll are gonna be congratulating me on 100lbs gone. Probably more..
Epic moments so far: My shirt size and pant size now being the same, or close to (depending on the shirt lol)
For the first time since I was a teenager I fit into an 20 shirt which to me is a HUGE deal.. I mean HUGE! Then when I fit into an 18 I was ecstatically happy!
So 18 shirt down from a tight 32 (at my highest). Able to wear an x-large t-shirt and not have to special order a shirt for me for all of the various events I do. It feels SO good!
I'm teetering on the 18/20 size range, depending on the cut of the item. I bought a pair of capris from LB that were a 20, only because the 18 fell right on my Lapband scar which was uncomfortable.
I'm now at the point where I understand WHY people get lipo and other surgeries, although I DO NOT have saggy skin, I see my body changing and getting tighter in some areas, where I start to think... "Hmmmm if I just had this sucked out... I'd be GOOD" lol but I KNOW it's a challenge and I am determined to do this the right way, without any cheats or surgery.
So thankful to have friends who are helping me along the way, a seamstress friend to help with clothes, an esthetician friend who brings me all sorts of firming and rejuvenating creams, that seem to work. Bodybuilding/exercise guru/expert friends to help with diet and workouts. I have it set, I just need to take action which is what I am doing now.
Ok so I think that about covers it, my schedule is freeing up no so I'll have some more time to be back on here and check in with everyone. Please do give me the recaps of your progress!
Hope you're all doing amazingly well!!!
I do believe this is it! I've lost count of fills but I have restriction, I'm not hungry and when I eat I'm literally eating bites of food and I'm satisfied.
I feel great, minus the sweet cravings, food is NEVER on my mind....I LOVE IT. No longer am I a slave to food, the drive thru or anything having to do with food. It feels great to eat an orange or apple and be full. To eat half of a sandwich and be done. To be full off of a protein bar or yogurt. Just great great stuff!
In other news my craving for sweets got the best of me last night so I decided to go to my old standby Peanut Butter and Jelly.... BIG mistake. BIG BIG BIG mistake.. I now know what you all mean by "STUCK", "SLIME" and "PB'ing" - Ok I'd been stuck one before the first week after surgery but it hadn't happened since..
I got about 3 bites into the sandwich and OMGosh the PAIN.. the PAIN.. The nausea the slime the please just go down.. please just go down, or come up.. oh wait it's peanut butter it's not going any where..
Thankfully the whole episode only lasted about 5 mins but it was the LONGEST 5 minutes of my life... so note to self.. Peanut butter is NOT your friend...
Just shy of 5 months post-op... Down 40lbs, when I was down almost 80... my doctor says "Don't worry Yvette, this is normal. Especially in people with your body type, your weight gain is muscle not fat, don't be upset."
Ok so I'm not gonna lie, I'm a lil' upset. I KNOW I build muscle really fast, and I KNOW muscle weighs more than fat.. I get all that.. I KNOW my weight is down and so are my clothing sizes and inches.
I'm just I dunno.. a lil' skewed on all of this. I finally got to a fill point where I was almost "too tight" but it was working.. I missed my follow up fill because I was traveling.. and so I went to my month appointment yesterday and although I was down 8.8 pounds which I know I should be happy about and I am.. I'm just like shouldn't it be MORE...
I don't even know why I'm complaining.. I shouldn't be. I guess I'm just feeling the pressure of my 6 months and then my year coming up and my own personal goals in there.. relax Yvette...slow and steady wins the race...
So being banded 12/18/09 I've been doing great, restriction, loosing weight, feeling great and still able to eat bread, rice, etc...
My last fill on the 5th I went very aggressive as much as my dr. was willing to put in 1.5 ccs and I FINALLY felt true restriction...
They say it takes about 2 weeks to be able to tell what your fill really did...
So this morning... I decided to have a turkey sandwich...I eat half of the half of the sandwich and I feel it... the BREAD.. STUCK.. trying to come back up... ICK... say it isn't so? I LOVE my bread.. love love love bread.... I did what we're not supposed to do and drank some water to help it go down but MAN... say it isn't so, what's a girl to do with out her bread?
Feels SOOOOOOOOOOOO good! Ok so I still have a ways to go but it feels SO good to KNOW that I'll NEVER be that size again... and I now I have room in my clothes for the new (and smaller) clothes I'll be purchasing along my journey.
Feels SO good! :thumbup:
So after 5 or 6 fills (I forget which, I could be lying, maybe 3 or 4, ok 5 whatever) I have yet to TRULY feel restriction, it works for a day or so then eh I could really eat what I wanted it, if I wanted to... I finally.. finally have restriction and this couldn't be better after a 15lbs gain in the last month - my doctor says not to worry because it's muscle - my measurements are way down... so they say there's nothing to "do" per say besides eat right and exercise, which I'm doing. But I gotta admit I was upset to see the scale going UP, but I think it'll be on it's way back down here.. I have no appetite.. FINALLY! YAY RESTRICTION!!!!
Anyone ever done it? I'm starting today for cleansing and weightloss purposes. I'm 10lbs from my own first personal goal and I MUST reach it by monday. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. I thought about doing the pre-op diet or the liquids pouch test diet but then I thought if I'm going to do it, I need to cleanse my body as well.
So here I am...dreading my first Salt water slam... the thought of it...ICK...
I know you can do the master cleanse for 40 days but I only intend on doing it til Monday morning before my fill appointment. I also want them to go super aggressive on my fill, since I skipped my last one, if they'll put 2 cc's in that would be good, or maybe even 1.5 cause I need one. I have days where I feel like a hungry hungry hippo and days where I want nothing at all.
I'm super sore from working out yesterday...Oh my goodness...I think it was the stretching that did me in, not even the work out lol.
It's all working and worth it, when kids tell you "Oh wow you're getting skinnier" lol gotta love the honesty of kids, especially when they keep you in check as well...as the 4 yr old says to me "Why do you always eat that?" as I'm popping something not good for me into my mouth. I stop to think, do I ALWAYS eat that? and pop it out... lol it's a great checks and balances system lol
So now I'm off to the store, need some syrup and some seasalt... here goes umm something lol:thumbup:
I'm just gonna ask...
Anyone else have intestinal issues since surgery? Gas, where there was none before. Lack of time or warning before the feeling of "having to go" hits you like a ton of bricks, etc???
I NEVER had these types of issues before surgery, ever. I'm not sure what to do or say about it... is there anything to do or say about it? Or is it just a side effect of losing all this weight?
*In my Ben Stein voice* - Anybody???....Anybody??? lol
That's what I heard today! LOL - it was like music to my ears. As the rest of the group chimed in on how much I'm losing. YAY ME - YAY MY BAND... Have I mentioned how much I love my band? lol
I went to feed the homeless this morning and one of my staff members from church walked right past me - then stopped drew back with a stunned expression and said "Oh HIIII" I just said hi back and went on about what I was doing. Then later at choir practice, the same lady was said "I'm sorry about early, you're losing so much weight I almost didn't recognize you." Then the rest of the ladies chimed in as well... HAPPY DAY!!! HAPPY ME...HAPPY BAND! YAY FOR MY BAND! :mad:
Smashburger 1- Lapband 0
UGH I haven't been stuck or had an episode since the first week - today is my 3 month anniversary - wow I sound like the annoying desperate girl who counts every day in a relationship lol - anyways I decided to grab a smashburger (if you haven't had one - TRY IT - SOOOOO GOOD) for dinner. I was in a hurry and multitasking and evidently ate too fast or didn't chew enough because OMGOSH... STUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
Trying to be good I didn't order a drink with my meal, just the burger, no fries or anything. Man let me tell ya I couldn't get to the nearest drink fast enough.. OMGoodness... Thankfully I wasn't THAT stuck, to the point a drink didn't help.. I have a fill tomorrow scheduled for tomorrow as well, but after this lil' epidose ummm yeah we'll have to see lol.
Can I just put it out there how happy I am that when I get on the scale it no longer has to be moved to the 300 mark...that it can start at 250 and I'm almost to the point of it being able to start at 200...lil' things make me happy.
I went to the gym yesterday and had to weigh in for a training session and for the first time in a long time I didn't have to tell them "Keep going" as they adjusted the weight lol... YAY ME! I love my band!
I am not the person who obsesses and stresses over the scale, never really have been. In fact I don't weigh myself unless I'm going for a fill appointment. But I won't lie, the entire 12-24 hours before my appointment I stress out. Omgoodness did I lose? What have I eaten since my last appointment? Ugh I shouldn't of had those.. I do all these stressing just to go and realize that YES I have lost weight (even if it's just 7lbs in a month - it's still a loss, even if it were just 1 or 2.. I'm GOOD with that) but I've come to realize that honestly NONE of that matters to me. It's the NSVs or Non-scale victories that matter most to me.
When I see random people from my past and they can't get over how great I look. When I go to put on clothes and they're literally falling off me. When I put on something that was tight or didn't fit and it's now loose on me. That's what matters. When I look in the mirror and I like what I see. When I look in the mirror and actually SEE parts of me that I hadn't seen in awhile because it was covered with a roll. When I look in the mirror and there's definition and tones in muscles and legs, defined waist, stomach getting smaller, my incision sites coming closer together as my stomach and fat shrinks.
That I have more energy. Can cross my legs, walk miles, run and play with kids for hours, have a "healthy glow" about me.. That *I* am getting healthy, completely healthy for ME. That's what I care about. That's the result I'm looking for. So in light of all of that.. EFF THE SCALE! :thumbup:
I had a "Duh" moment today at my fill appointment. As much research as I did for 5 yrs prior to getting the band, and all the things I've read I never thought about, or put together the fact that the reason our fills work and don't, then work again is fat loss and shifting.
When my Dr said this today I was just like Ooooooohhhhhhh DUH!
The reason we get fills - fat loss around the band makes the band looser, hence the fill to tighten, then fat shifts, especially as you lose it, so there's days it'll seem SUPER tight and days it'll seem SUPER LOOSE, same thing with various times of day.
WELL DUH! How I missed that one I didn't know. For some reason it never "clicked" to me that our stomaches have fat around them.
In other news my total weightloss since Surgery on 12/18/09 is 47lbs WOO HOO! Got another CC put in today, bringing me up to 4 cc's.
1 cc at install Dec 18th
1 cc Jan 18th
1 cc Feb 8th
1 cc Mar 5th
And in other other completely random news... I had Maple Bacon Ice Cream tonight.. Yes I said Bacon Ice Cream - and it was SO good! If you live in AZ be sure to try Sweet Republic - SO good, but that Bacon One.. WOW
I've been having cravings for "sweet & creamy" - ice cream, blizzards etc... it doesn't help that I have a view of a dairy queen from my kitchen...
Anyways I've been doing ok... but then I remembered I make REALLY good protein shakes, I think I had just tried of the ones I was doing so I stopped doing them.
So today.. today I did banana chocolate chip.. YES chocolate chip and it was SO good.
A few chocolate chips won't hurt you and if you don't want the "extra" you can make it the same without them.
2 handfuls of ice
1 scoop each - chocolate & vanilla protein powder
8 oz of skim milk (I think I did 10, over pour)
4 table spoons of fage greek 0% yogurt
1 banana
1 table spoon of agave nectar
A small handful of chocolate chips (just the palm of your hand 10-20 chips at most).
Blend and enjoy...
So YUMMY!
Kids are SO honest, it's a great thing truly...even if/when it's a lil' TOO honest.
So today my friend's 7 yr old son saw my new look and says "Who's that?" to his mom.. she very confused, asks him "what do you mean? Who's that? Who's who???" and he points at me..
This is a child I spend 2 days a week with if not more, however I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks... and he was CONVINCED I was NOT the same person. His direct quote... "That's not Ms. Yvette, Ms. Yvette is fatter."
His mother now mortified looks at me embarrassed and all I could do was laugh and tell her you know what? Kids are honest... if you ever want to know how you look, ask a child. LOL
This goes on with my other friend's 7 (and a half - as she says) yr old daughter telling me all of my clothes were HUGEEEEEEEEEEE as she helped me do laundry. Now after seeing my current size she says "Ok those look normal" lol... funny what a few inches of material can mean to a child's perception, or anyone's really. On the upside, I'm encouraged to continue on with my weightloss and continue on with this "transformation" I'm making... besides I know if I were to go back, I'd have two SUPER honest 7 yr olds to point back in the right direction lol.
In other news...fill on friday, still trying to figure out if I should get one.. i think so since I was able to eat two turkey dogs on whole wheat buns with no problem... Hmmmmmm just how much is the question... decisions, decisions...
Let's call it metamorphosis - the closest thing I can liken it to is a caterpillar cocooning and turning into a buttterfly. Except my cocoon has mirrors and I allow the occasional visitor. I'm definitely undergoing a transformation, my fill is working, I'm rarely hungry and when I am I eat small portions. I'm officially a size 22 dress which is for me a BIG deal, even though I've been a size 22, 20, even an 18 in jeans, I haven't gotten below a 24 top. So my dresses were always in the size 24-28 range depending on the cut and store.
Officially a size 22 which is for ME a HUGE deal, I feel GREAT.. I feel fantastic.. I feel....FABULOUS!
I'm definitely in the middle and midst of something great and I can't wait for it to continue.
NSV this week - Down from a size 48D to 40DDD - yes they actually got BIGGER! lol..
Down from a 24/26 dresss to a 22
Double chin has almost vanished completely!
Taught myself how to do "professional" looking makeup.
Rocked absolutely everything I wore...
And then ran into an old friend who just CHEESED when he saw me and couldn't get over or stop saying how great I look. That was just amazing (especially since he's the best friend of an ex boyfriend lol) this is absolutely 100% the BEST thing I ever did for myself.. I know I'm experience God results and my change is rapid and I'm SO thankful for it. Praise Him!
"I thought you would have lost more weight by now" my mother says while we're having lunch yesterday. :frown: (the look on my face while I work on not choking on what I was chewing.)
"Well I'm supposed to lose 2lbs were week, I'm 2 months post-op or 8 weeks post op today and I'm way ahead of that goal. Yes I could have lost more if I was working out like I should and didn't eat crap for the last two weeks since I've moved but I'm still way ahead of where I should be."
"Oh ok.... I guess" she says as she shrugs and eyes me as she looks back to her plate.
I saw that... now suddenly UBER "aware" of what I'm eating (6oz steak, veggies, starch) I felt that old feeling rise up... "Would you ladies like pie for just 99 cents???" the waitress interupts.
"What kind of pie?" I ask... She lists them and I decide on peach, warmed with ice cream. Ala mode just like my extra pounds evidently..
I then turn to my mom.. "What?!?!?! We're sharing."
"I didn't say anything Yvette... eat what you want to eat..."
Already feeling full I take a couple of bites of pie and eat the ice cream. I know I know.. SLIDER food.. but it was good and I realized in that moment I will struggle with food for the rest of my life. I know I can overcome it, I've done very well since being banded but in the last couple of weeks there's been too many slip ups and letting the cravings get the best of me.
I don't know how those of you with kids do it, since I've had children staying with me for the past couple of weeks it's been WAY harder, they eat ALL the time and they want things I shouldn't be eating. I love them but I need to find a balance or something lol..
Guess it's practice for when I have my own. :redface:
Either way no more.. today I'm going back on the basics I was eating, I'm going to make my list and go to the store and get what I need to make healthy band and kid friendly meals. For the days they're eating crap, I'll do shakes/smoothies. No pizza, no pasta, no more bread and NO MORE SWEET TEA! I made it with one meal and it's been "Can I have tea?" ever since... and every time I pour them some, I pour me some.. EMPTY CALORIES! UGH..
Ok Done with everything else, as I was typing this this morning, I was on my prayer call and the person leading intercessory started praying about appetites being controlled and eating just what we need to feel satisfied, not to eat til a point of gluttony. God will minister to you in many ways...
It's time to get serious...Think I'll start some twoadays at the gym as well..
It's friday, my day off. I have to put my bedroom together, it's the last room in the house that hasn't been completed after my move. Tired of looking at boxes and clothes thrown everywhere.
Then to check my mail, the bank, other errands and plan my menu. But before all that... I'm going back to bed
As with most women, the week before my period my appetite increases and the cravings hit.
I'm two days shy of being two months post op, 2 fills down, feeling restriction and all is going well BUTTTTTTTTTTT.... Man if mother nature isn't tryin' to go 12 rounds with my band.
At my current level of restriction I'm almost never hungry. But when I do eat it's hard to stop... I've gotten so full it's almost painful because mother nature/cravings can't seem to get enough of the taste. Not the amount of food, but the taste of it.. and carbs...OMGosh CARBS.. pasta...pasta..pasta and cheese. I need to get back on track or I'm going to gain and that's SO not on the plan.
On the recent episode of Supernatural there was a guy who ate so much he burst his band... I just thought OMGOSH what if that was me.. cause when you DO eat too much it hurts.. I couldn't even imagine. I know it's overly dramatic but as I sat there watching, realizing I had eaten nothing but homemade mac & cheese for the day I let my mind drift and get wrapped up in that.. Ugh mother nature why must you treat me this way.. lol
I must be strong... every time I want to eat I should go work out... but then the cramps and ugh...
So I had my 2nd fill and welp yeah it worked, I'm not hungry AT ALL like never.. I make myself eat only because I know I'm supposed to, but I have that satiated feeling constantly which is great until I actually eat and I/my body/brain has a hard time saying when to stop because I've felt "full" for days now...
In other news, I joined the gym.. yeah we'll see how this goes... For $50 bucks a month I BETTER go.. lol
So I've figured out my weakness and what I need to stay away from... CARBS.. carbs carbs and more carbs. I already KNEW they were my weakness, but I didn't realize just how bad it was. I've been doing great post op, losing, etc...
This week I've been moving and having my kitchen boxed up and unavailable I've been eating out lots, fast food... (I know, I know) I thought oh I'll just eat the meat... Which would have been ok, until I realized I need a FILL (SO glad I'm getting one on Monday) and I'm eating everything in sight blah.
Buns, tortillas, rolls, breads... I'd been almost 8 weeks without them and in just one week weight is back in my face.. just one week. That's all it took..
So now that I've seen the other side and how quickly it can come and go.. GONE in the bread and simple carb. GONE GONE GONE and so will my double chin be, hopefully in time for my date.:biggrin:
Liquid diet and working out, my chins were the first thing to go, and the first thing to come back.. EEEEEK!! So I've got the next week to get it together!
Stupid carbs! lol
I'm sitting here blogging when I should be packing and moving. PROCRASTINATION - LOL - Anyways I'm going through clothes seeing what fits and doesn't fit so I don't take it all with me.
As I'm going through things and realizing the bulk of my clothes are either too big or too small I started to think about all of the changes that have happened to me and my body is the last couple of months (including pre-op) and it's just AMAZING. Everything in my life has gotten better. I have a pretty great life anyways, but I feel better, I look better, my business has gotten better, my home has gotten better, finances, etc... just everything seems to be falling into place. Moreover, it's only going to continue to get better; and those are the changes I'm SO excited for.
I found a pic of me and my mom from my wedding day 8 yrs ago size 26 bride in a size 30 wedding dress because you know they run small and I remember at the time feeling pretty but uncomfortable. Not at all what I imagined I would feel like as a bride. I feel better on a daily basis than I felt on that day all done up.
But now, as I enter into my relationship with my special friend, I can't help but smile when I realize I will NOT have "fat" wedding pictures.
In just over a month I went from "cute pics" but having to use the infamous fat girl angles to get them to being able to take a pic straight on and from almost any angle.
And it's paid off, some offers have come my way from some people I've dealt with in my past and some new people as well. They can tell from a pic if you're using an angle to create a look. But they've noticed the difference in just the few new pics I've taken and now.. I'm sitting here wondering... Is it crazy that at 33 I'm considering going back into plus size modeling? I stopped when I was 21 and started packing on weight, especially in my face. But as it comes off...I'm thinking hmmm I could totally do this. I know I don't "look" 33 to most people but now I have to sit back and figure out if this is really what I want to do.
I already run my own business, a church (churches) and act as a personal assistant to two people. Not sure when I would make time for it.
But it's a dream deferred so to do it, or not to do it? Not many women my age get this opportunity or these types of offers.. I should take it. I still have weight to lose before I go full force into it because unlike in my day if you were a plus size model you were actually plus sized.. now you're a size 10-12 and they photoshop you fatter lol..
The differences just amaze me though, in such little time... just amazing.. God Results!
Before with a camera angle..
Last week... straight on.. no camera angle.
So last night I joined a friend at her church's "Friday Night Live" - out of sheer coincidence her family and the church they fellowship with have done business with mine so I knew the majority of the Pastors, Apostles, etc...
As with most church "royalty" there's usually a dinner after service where everyone breaks bread and has their fellowship behind closed doors.
Although I'm a leader in my church I am not a minister or anything like that yet. I'm the administrator for my church. Taking direction only from my Pastor's and I direct the teams, ministers, praise, etc... basically I'm like the "manager".
Seeing this particular group of people was awkward because they had an issue with us over money. (How Christian like, right? lol)
Basically my Pastor agreed to bless them for 3 months of friday night services and after the 3 months he would charge his normal fee for speaking engagements. Seems like a fair deal. Evidently not so much, but I digress..
So they invite me to the dinner and I agree as graciously as I could. Although, if I remember right I said "I guess" and then a quick "thank you."
Awkward because 1.) I'm on a fast and 2.) they're supposed to be on a fast and 3.) The food being served was not fast friendly. And 4.) The above mentioned "disagreement" between our churches and 5.) they piled food on my plate like I was eating for 3 people. 6.) Again, aren't we on a fast?!?!?!
So I did my best trying to not be insulting to people, trying to finish what I could and stay as close as I could to staying on my fast...Not only that, but BAND FRIENDLY!
But as it turns out...Everything they had was NOT band friendly. I tried to eat just fruits and veggies...but they looked at me funny for not eating the fried rice, orange chicken and sweet and sour meatballs they had piled on my plate.
Oh and there's cake... oh and hmmm fruit punch, one sip. oh look it's carbonated. UGH.
I left out of there feeling like I was going to bust. The food was all things that would "expand" in my stomach and adding that sip of carbonated fruit punch fizz did NOT help!
The room was darkly lit light they were trying to set some sort of "romantic mood" the kind where you can see your plate, but if there was something wrong with your food, you wouldn't be able to see it. Yeah that dark.
I finished what I could and was SO thankful when they came around to take our plates. I was able to just throw my napkin over the top and act like I'd eaten the portions they'd given me. Even if I mostly just swirled them around on my plate.
Needless to say my band hurts today... not "hurts" but I can "feel" it today.. if I breathe deeply I swear I feel it.. Nothing but liquids today... this is NOT the business...
Next time I'll just say no, instead of "I guess" really who says that anyways???? "I guess" how rude of me... *sigh*
Let me start by saying I am SOOOOOOOOOOO tired.
SO SO SO tired...and I realized as I went to set my 2.19 down for my sugar free redbull....I can't DRINK IT... UGH
Red bulls are how I make it through when I have too much too do and I need sleep....what's a girl to do???
Oh that's right i've had those 5 hour energy drinks before, they're not HORRIBLE and they don't fizz, I guess I could..
Eh wait there's isopure I'll just drink one of those, the protein should keep me up or something zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
*Note to self* Isopure grape frost is good, but it doesn't keep you awake. I need a nap, but alas I'll be going back to the store for that 5 hour energy drink... Zzzzzzzz
