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Things I can't do now but I know I will soon.

I can't see my feet without bending over walk up stairs without panting like a whore sit indian style for more then a minute cross my legs like a lady tie my shoes without hiking my leg up on something believe the reason my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex is because he is tired stand up and do the dishes without my back hurting believe I ever let myself get this big picture myself thin.   These are all things I can't do or believe but I am a can do person and I will get this weight off my body and my mind and I will be thinner and healthier soon. I will I will I will.   God Bless. April

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

Battle of the Pickle Chips!

I am 1 month out from being banded and I have reached the point that some of you know so well. That point is hardly no restriction. I eat just little bits at a time trying to keep it under a cup of food at a time but I am hungry like an hour later. It's kind of like trying to diet before the band. I am in no way shape or form giving up I just need to vent. I do know that I am still eating less and healthier then before I was banded so thank God for that. Now for the reason this is called battle of the pickle chips. My favorite junk food is Krunchers Potato Chips Kosher Dill flavor. I loved them before and I still love them. My boyfriend God Bless his silly soul apparently thought since I made his favorite apple crisp for Valentines Day he should by me something that was my favorite. So now I'm staring at this beautiful bag of salty pickle flavored chips just waiting to dig right in. I'm serious the mere thought of them makes me drool. I had to pat him on the head and tell him good job baby or else I might never get his sad puppy face out of my head. I know he didn't buy them to sabotage me he honestly wouldn't even think of it, but really chips to a dying of hunger fat girl. Lets just give a lit match to a baby and say don't burn yourself. Anyway I'm gonna take the bag to work and leave it in the break room. Those vultures will eat anything. Well I hope all is going well with everyone and here I will leave you with a quote.   "A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice." Bill Cosby

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

Day of Surgery Jan 12th.

Well I have had surgery and have recovered but I thought I would post my story so if people are pre-op maybe this will help.   Jan 12th was the big day. I didn't even sleep the night before I was so excited. I was waiting for the momentary freakout that I figured I would have but it never came. I headed for the surgery center at 4am because I live about 2 hours away and I was scheduled to be there at 6am. I was first on the day of surgery. When I got there the nurse got me started on all the presurgery stuff. First she gave me a shot of blood thinner in the back of my arm and I have to admit it burned like an army of fire ants. It didn't last too long though. She gave me another shot to deaden where she was going to do my IV. She got the IV in on the first shot and I was really suprised. Then I just waited for the surgeon about 15 mins. Him and the anesthesiologist popped in and asked if I had any questions. I didn't and they wheeled me in about 15 mins before I was even scheduled for surgery. 7:15am to be exact. When I got to the operating room I was suprisingly calm and they gave me some happy drugs and I was off to dreamland. I woke up at 8:30 on the dot back in my room with my nurse Cheryl calling my name. My throat was really dry and all they could give me was the mouth swabs dipped in ice water. They are weird but a life saver. I had her give me some more drugs because I could feel some discomfort and I prefer to be numb. I was wide awake though so I watched two episodes of cash cab before they would let me get up to walk around. Cheryl my nurse was really suprised at how lucid I was. I had to wait for my surgeon to finish all of the surgeries he had that day before I could do my barium swallow and leave for home. So while I was waiting I walked the halls and went potty quite a few times and just hung out and talked to my folks. At about 11:45 I did my barium swallow which was actually nice. The barium was kinda minty flavored and since I was so thirsty went down nicely. The nurse showed me my band and we watched the barium travel down my throat threw my band and into my tummy. Pretty cool. After that I got dressed and headed home. I used a pillow in the car it felt good pressed against my tummy. My Mom and I stopped at the pharmacy for my liquid vicodin and then I went home and got in bed for pretty much the rest of the day and night and some of the next day. I just watched TV and napped. My boyfriend was there and kept warming up socks in the dryer and putting them on my feet. I guess the drugs make me cold. He was a sweetheart. All in all it was an ok day. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.   10 Tips for surgery day.   1: Don't be scared it is very tolerable and this comes from someone who is a big sissy.   2:Take someone with you or atleast your ipod. A distraction is nice when your waiting.   3: Gas X strips are good and they don't taste bad either.   4: Don't forget your pillow.   5: Fill both prescriptions even if its the suppository. You don't want to get the nauseated feeling I got on day 5 and not have them. They work the minute you use them.   6: Make sure the nurse shows you exactly how much you can drink at once.   7: Walk walk walk. It makes you feel better.   8: Make sure you drink your fluids when you get home even if you don't think your thirsty.   9: Love yourself for helping yourself this is the best thing you could be doing for yourself.   10: Don't forget to write a thank you note to your nurse (s) if possible. They don't ever get enough credit and they do most of the grunt work.

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

Getting Excited!

OK so I just ate the last supper. You know the last meal you eat before you start your pre-op diet the next day and the rest of your life and eating behaviors change forever. Yea that one. I had a leftover turkey sandwich on white bread with miricle whip and some cheetos. Not healthy I know but seeing as for the next 2 weeks all I can have is protein shakes, broth, jello and liquids I don't think it was that bad. I am so excited to start this I can hardly concentrate on anything else. The next 14 days are hopefully going to fly by and before I know it I will be laying naked on an operating table getting all fixed up with my band. I'm thinking of naming it. We care for it like a child why not name it. I am hoping that since I won't be eating much that it really jump starts the weight loss and I can drop a few pounds maybe enough so my undies aren't so tight. Anyway tonight when I get off work I plan on doing 2 things. 1) Making a ton of sugar free jello 2) Taking my before pictures. Did I mention I'm excited?! Lol.   I will end with my favorite quote. "Hope is a good thing maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies."   I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope.

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

Humpty Dumpty

Ever feel like you've fallen off a wall and your not sure if you can be put back together again? I'm feeling a little out of sorts. I always knew I had food issues, but never knew how bad they were until I started this journey. I've of course known that my eating habits were not normal. The usual closet eating and emotional stuff. I never truely realized how much I was attached to food. I love it. It's my way of dealing with everything from boredom to giving my mouth something to do when I have nothing to say. I find a friend in food. I'm hoping that the fact I can see the patterns and am trying to fix them is starting in the right direction to recovery. They say admitting you have a problem is the first step so here it goes. Hi my name is April and I'm a food junkie.

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

Count down to 1st fill

It's been over a month since my surgery and I am definately back to normal. I have been pretty good about my diet and walking 30 mins everyday. I have my slip ups but I'm not too hard on myself. I think I'm waiting for my fills to start so I really get into that losing weight mind set. I have only lost maybe 2 pounds since I went in for my post-op appointment, but its better then gaining so I'm doing something right. I have been reading alot about the first fill and I'm both excited and nervous. I am having 3 fills in March and hopefully after the 3rd I will have pretty good restriction. Well that's just an update. Hope everyone is well.

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

Will I miss you?

I wonder now that the day is fast approaching of starting my pre-op diet if what I will miss most is the food or the weight. Of course I hate being fat, but I do believe it has made me who I am today. I know I am funny because of it. If you can't laugh at yourself first then you can't beat people to the punch. I also know that I have used it as an excuse for so many things like not going out with friends not dating people and not going places where I know my body will make me uncomfortable (theme parks, water parks, pools in general, basically anywhere a swimsuit might be involved) I guess I am just going to have to get used to the new thinner version of myself and say goodbye to the things I hide behind. Bye Bye huge servings of delicious food. Bye Bye weight. Hello new life.

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

Oh my goodness Oh my goodness

The days are flying by and I am getting so excited its hard not to jump around doing a happy dance all day. I've been on my pre-op diet for 6 days now and although it started out super hard the rewards are already showing. I have lost 11 pounds! I am so excited about this. The realization that this is really going to happen for me if I stick with it and follow my instructions is blowing my mind. I am starting to even have skinny dreams. I have to admit though I might never look at jello or broth the same again after a month of it. I am hoping to lose another 5 pounds before surgery even though my surgeon doesn't require it. Well I'm hoping the days keep flying by and I hope my pants start getting a little more baggy.

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

My 1st Fill

Well I had my first fill today. It wasn't bad like I thought it was going to be. He just had me lay down on the table poked around on the right side of my tummy. (by the way my dumbass thought my port was on the left haha) Then he rubbed alcohol on my tummy said your going to feel a small stick then some movement and pressure. I was prepared for the worse and it never came. The stick wasn't worse then a regular shot prick and when he put the fluid in I got kind of a head rush. You can't really explain the feeling. It's not bad just different. I sat up drank a few sips of water and was on my way. Pretty easy considering what I was expecting. I am down 40 pounds now so thats really exciting. I'm on liquids tonight then mushies then I can go back to normal foods. I'm really feeling the band tonight, but he said some people swell and that should go down in a few days. I'm enjoying it while it lasts because I'm not hungry at all and I have been starving for like a month. I go back in 2 weeks to see if I need another fill. Hopefully he will tell me I've lost another 2-4 pounds. I am really excited to have my first fill because it makes it seem just that much more real to me. Hope all is well with everyone.

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

Never wanted to be weighed before in my life.....

Today I had my pre-op appointment and I was really excited about going because it means that I am just that much closer to having my band. I went expecting the usual to be weighed and asked about my pre-op diet, blood draw, urine test, question answers, all those good things that come with surgery. I got all of the above except they didn't freaking weigh me! What the heck I have lost 15 pounds on my pre-op diet I needed some props and I didn't get it. I do understand they were trying to get me out the door because they knew I had to drive 2 hours and there was a looming snow storm but it would have only taken a second. Anyway I'm off my box now.   I will be so glad to get banded and get through my liquid stage so I never have to see jello again. All I have to say is if I ever liked jello before this diet has ruined it for me. I don't want to sound over dramatic but I might kill somebody for a bite of a cheeseburger right now. Rip thier arm off just for one tiny bite. Well I guess that's just the food demons calling. I only have a few more days and I know I can do it.   I plan on reorganizing my closet this weekend and try and size it so I don't miss out. I have a really cute jean skirt that I haven't worn in years that I hope looks good by the end of summer. And I have 2 words for ya Tank Tops! I have never worn them except for the privacy of my own home. To get my arms thin enough to wear one would make me do such a happy dance.   Well I will leave you with a quote. Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't I give myself reasons why I can.

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

 

To Puke or not to Puke that is the question.

I had my first puking episode today. I made it 2 months and I think that's pretty good. I have had 2 fills now and everything has been so far so good until today. I get that gassy I have to burp but can't feeling alot but it usually goes away in about 15 mins. Today it was not the case. I ate 2 bites of chicken a bite of pasta salad and a bite of baked beans. (I bbq'd) I was fine then I got that feeling but it didn't go away then I got the hiccups....horrible. Then it happened I puked. Not to be gross but nothing looked unchewed it was all liquid so I don't think anything was stuck. I called the nurse line just in case and she thought it was the hiccups that did me in. It really scared me having it be the first time. She assured me that it happens to everyone at some point and as long as I could take in liquids and mushies tonight I would be fine. I have successfully eaten some mushies so I think I'm ok. It was an awful experience and I hope it doesn't ever happen again but it probably will at some point. Atleast I know what to expect now. Hope everybody is losing.

AprilShowers2010

AprilShowers2010

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