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About this blog

My personal experience with Lap Band. Hopefully informative and occasionally witty.

Entries in this blog

 

Nearly done in by a Dayquil Liqui-Gel Capsule!

Sometimes life is just a trial. We are flying out tomorrow morning at 6am for vacation. Today I woke up with a bad head cold and proceeded to have a rather bad PB/vomit incident and now, it's snowing again!   If anyone can learn from my problem and avoid doing what I've just done, then maybe it was worth it... NO WAY! I wish someone had told me....   This is the first cold I've had since I got restriction a couple of weeks ago. I'm congested, have a bit of a cough and feel just sort of blah. On the way to dinner this evening my husband popped into the corner store and bought a pack of Dayquil Liqui-Gel capsules. Even though I know the liquid would have been better I decided to take a chance and have one with dinner because I feel that sick. Big freakin' mistake. The damn thing got stuck straight away. I had to ask for green tea, hoping to melt it a little and let it pass. It seemed to work so I had a few bites of beautiful soft tuna but then I got the hiccups and the trouble really started.   Ran to the bathroom once with a mouthful of slime that came out with a big cough which seemed to dislodge the pill. Went back to the table, sipped my green tea a bit longer and realized I was clear so I had one, ONE, one piece of California roll, chewed meticulously to a fine mush and that was all she wrote! Apparently the pill was still stuck because I had to run to the bathroom again, this time for a full on vomit in the sink ! But, the pill didn't seem to come up so the vomiting must have pushed it through the other direction.   Rinsed my mouth and went back to the table where I could sip my tea with no problem and was able to eat the avocado out of my sushi and even some boiled soy beans. Amazingly, I was still quite hungry having had only a couple of ounces of lentil soup for lunch.   I think this does it -- I was really hoping my band wasn't too tight but it sure seems that it is given the trouble I've been having. Unfortunately, I can't make it to the doctor before my flight to get an unfill so I will be living on yogurt, soup, beans and fish while I'm in Mexico. Hmm, actually, that doesn't sound so bad. I do love fish and it seems to be really easy to digest for me.   I'll chalk it up as yet another learning experience with the band. Here's what I learned: 1) Dayquil Liqui-Gels are gigantic and will jam in a stoma that might be a little tight 2) Avocado and soybeans are quite easily digested and even soothing 3) Don't wait if you think your band needs an adjustment or you could end up on vacation at an all inclusive resort being unable to eat properly 4) Snow is beautiful but really stinks when you've got to fly   On that note, I'm off to bed so I can get up at 3:30 for the taxi. Hope everyone has a great week and can use some of my hard-earned lessons.   B
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

2
 

Slime and OCD.

Current Mood: Worried:sad:   The Lap Band thing is going well. I'm adjusting to my fill. I think I was eating too fast and a bit too much the first couple of days after the fill and that's why I got stuck a few times. On Saturday night, I tried a slice of turkey and swiss cheese rolled up and the second bite was just wrong. I couldn't get the feeling to pass. I got up and started pacing around the living room and kitchen hoping I could dislodge it. A sip of water made it worse. Finally, I started coughing up thick salive....Slime, I guess...and it eventually went down. Very unpleasant and definitely reinforcing the band as a deterrent to eating too quickly or too much. Won't do that again.   So, I'm on the right track but I can't figure out how to get everything in my life going in the same direction at the same time. If my weight is in a good place then something is bound to be wrong at work or in my family. Unfortunately, it's my family this time.   My 6.5 year old has started worrying about germs obsessively and is now washing her hands too often, refusing to touch things and even asked me if she could have her own hand sanitizer this morning. I've been noticing this behavior over the last couple of weeks - she would tell me she touched her lip and then the arm of the chair or somethign similar - and was hoping it was a phase but I'm afraid it is really OCD. I've been reading up on OCD in children and though it's very uncommon for a child of her age, it happens. I blame the Swine Flu! All the signs about coughing in your arm, washing hands, not spreading germs, getting flu shots....I think it really worried her and given her genetics, she's probably got a natural propensity for anxiety disorders (I have been known to obsess and have panic attacks in the past). So, my husband says to wait a while to see if it's a phase ("remember that time she started stammering and we discovered a kid in her class that she liked stammered?") but I can't stand to see her so worried and upset. I've called her pediatrician and will try to talk to her teacher today to find out if she's doing the same thing in school. Her babysitter didn't seem to notice it but she's fairly oblivious at times.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

1
 

Lose Vs. Loose

Let's just get this out of the way first: I am a spelling bitch! I try to see past the poor spelling and grammar all over the internet so that I can actually absorb ideas, experiences and thoughts that might be helpful but I just can't get over some simple mistakes.   This is a weight loss website. We should be able to tell the difference and, spell the difference, between lose and loose. Every time I see someone say he/she is not "loosing" I cringe. Don't even get me started on there/their/they're!   So, I know it is my problem but maybe some of you will find this helpful anyway:   Lose (pronounced looz) - This is what you do with weight (and car keys and other small personal items). While in the process of shedding weight, you are losing. In the past, you have lost. If you win on the TV show, you are the biggest loser.   Loose (pronounced loos) - Your pants (and possibly your skin) should be loose after losing weight. Your clothing may be looser than it was previously. In fact, your dress may be the loosest it has ever been when your LAP-BAND® is no longer loose.   I hope this helps some of you who struggle with the right choice of words.   For those of you who are offended, sorry. Just getting it off my chest, which is currently encased in a very loose bra because I have lost so much weight and am still losing.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

3
 

Almost 6 months out and 70lbs down.

Sunday will be the 6-month (semi) anniversary of my surgery. As of this morning, I am 70 lbs down from my consultation weight. And, amazingly enough, I've even started a Personal Fitness Program and am now looking forward to getting to the YMCA every other day instead of dreading it. I am still dreading the elliptical which has nearly killed me several times!   I got another fill on April 20th and I think that was the one that really did the trick. I'm finally at the sweet spot with 7ccs in my 12cc band. I am not hungry (most of the time), I can eat about 3-4 ounces at the most and if I do have one bite too many, I can feel it immediately. This last fill also gave me limitations I hadn't had previously: Bread, cake, greasy food - nope! And, if I have a soda or chew gum, I get terrible chest gas that requires Gas-X strips immediately. Can't do them anymore without severe discomfort. So, I've learned in the last two weeks what to avoid and how the band actually works.   Yesterday I felt practically slim - I was wearing jeans a size too big, platform sandals and a nicely cut (cleavage revealing) shirt. Two friends said I looked "skinny." I know they meant skinny for me and not actually skinny but boy did I feel good. The only problem -- my underpants kept falling down! Guess it's time for new drawers.   I have a few questions for fellow banders today:   1) How do you feel about your body? After years of being obese and of a certain age, my skin is not retracting at all. I've gotten super jiggly and wiggly and I really don't like how it looks or feels. I know I have a lot farther to go (another 60 lbs) but I'm already appalled by what I see. I suppose I should start saving for cosmetic surgery now.   2) Who do you tell about your band? I have told my very good friends, family and a few work colleagues but there is one guy I can't stand at work who keeps asking me what my secret is. He's not asking because he needs to lose weight, he's just being nosy. This same guy and his partner had a baby last November and the mother has got to be at least 48 years old. Last time he started trying to get info about my weight loss I nearly blurted out, "Hey, I don't ask how you got a baby out of 50-year old woman, do I?"   3) How long do I have to wait to get my neck/chin sucked out and tightened? I didn't have that big of a double chin to start but in the last 15 lbs or so, it's gotten sort of jiggly without the fat to fill it out. I will definitely need a neck lift and was thinking about going for a consultation now to find out what the surgeon thinks. Has anyone else had this surgery before they got to goal weight?   Please open your books and begin your essays now. Put your books face down on the desk when you have completed answering the questions. Thank you and good luck.   Barbara
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

3
 

A Slip Reverses Itself - It's a Lapband Miracle!

There I was, plugging along with 6.5ccs in my band. Good restriction, had just reached the 100 pound mark and then I did it. I sat in front of a tub of food I took out of the fridge with a fork and ate right out of the container. I had already had dinner, but I felt like having a little something and I was PMSing so why not a couple of forkfuls of the delicious papardelle with lamb ragu? I'll tell you why... I ate too much and then it happened. I felt horrible, like I had a burp stuck and it wouldn't move and it was painful and uncomfortable and awful. Then my mouth started to water and I knew what was coming - this wasn't a PB - it was a full on, gut wrenching, up from the core puke! After I threw up, I felt a bit better. Then I threw up again and felt much better but when I went to take some water after, it burned going down and I got a horrible pain across my stomach. Irritation, I figured. It will be better in the morning.   Next morning, I took a Prilosec with a sip of water and it feels like acid going down my throat. I tried sipping warm water and coffee but couldn't even get through half a cup. Yogurt...one mouthful and I was in pain! So I thought I'd really done a number on my stomach and I'd better follow the rules until it felt better. 4 days later, I still couldn't eat without pain so I called the doctor and they told me to come right in. The PA took 0.2 ccs out and told me to continue taking the Prilosec daily and stick to the program and the irritation would fade. It didn't. For almost a week, I could barely get an ounce of food in at a time and liquids were not going down right either. I woke up in the night vomiting in my sleep and gagging -- all liquid -- for 4 days in a row. I was starting to feel weak.   Monday I called and they scheduled me to come in this morning. Monday was the same... hard to eat or drink anything but I kept taking the Prilosec and tried to stay hydrated. On Tuesday, I got up and had 1/2 a cup of coffee before I realized it didn't hurt and that it went down...so I finished it. I then had 1/4 cup of yogurt and that was fine too. Hmmmmm.... At work, I had an iced coffee and 16 oz. Crystal Light again, no problem whatsoever. Went out to lunch and had some buffalo mozzarella, a slice of tomato and two seafood raviolis... yep. All good. It seemed I was cured but I wanted to keep the appointment anyway to discuss what had happened.   Today, after telling the doctor my story he said it sounded as if my band had slipped with the retching and that 0.2ccs was not enough out of the band to correct a slip. Because I was so diligent though, the swelling went down and the band slipped back into place itself. Wow! I'm still on tender proteins, nothing too hard, and taking the Prilosec for a few more days but the doctor said we didn't have to take out anymore fluid and that I should continue doing what I am doing because now I'm down 106 lbs! Oh, and, he wanted to know who made the appointment because when you have the level of pain I had and the inability to hydrate, it is an emergency and I shouldn't have been told to wait until today.   So, moral of the story. Slips suck! I'm back on track with 6.3 ccs in my band, feeling fine and looking forward to losing even more.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

4
 

So Much Energy! I'm A Different Person.

A few years ago, at my heaviest, my husband complained that I always said I was going to do something and then didn't. Simple things like vacuuming the living room or taking out the trash...I just couldn't muster the energy to complete even basic tasks. Boy how things have changed!!!   I cannot believe how much energy I have now. Such a busy weekend starting Thursday when I went out to happy hour and dinner with an old friend and was out quite late. Then I was at work early on Friday followed by lunch with friends, popped into my local on the way home, full weekend grocery shopping, made a fresh lasagna (including my own sauce) and then after dinner, full work out at the gym then met a girlfriend for drinks afterwards.   Saturday, even though I felt I was getting a bad cold, I woke up early and mowed the lawn and re-seeded the bare patches and watered it. Cleaned up the back patio, took my daughter to see Shrek (walked there) and then to the pool at the YMCA for 1.5 hours where I carried her on my back while running laps in the pool and walked with her while she did laps on her back. After that book shopping followed by a bite at a nice outdoor cafe and gourmet shopping before heading home.   Sunday, went to the gym at 8:30 to get a work out done before we headed out to a friends' bbq, head cold at full steam now and sinus pain but powered through it and managed a great day out including making about 100 water balloons for all the kids. Home by 10:30 and a friend popped in for a visit so we sat in the garden chatting until 1am.   You'd think I'd be done but no, I kept going. Monday, cleaned out all the clothes that are too big for Salvation Army (5 garbage bags, including shoes and some of my daughter's clothes), cleaned my bedroom and the office -- including moving furniture and wiping down baseboards, took out the trash and recycling and did 5 loads of laundry -- all folded and put away too. Also helped put the AC in the windows and seal them, changed lightbulbs and finally, got my hair colored and worked out again Monday night, getting home just in time to put my daughter to bed.   So, if anyone asks me how I'm feeling since losing 80 lbs, I honestly have to say that I have never had this much energy in my entire life. I feel so much more positive about getting things done because my back doesn't hurt and I'm not sweating like a pig and walking to the gym ISN'T TOO FAR at just over 1/2 mile when you consider how long I can go on the elliptical, bike and treadmill now.   I am hoping to lose 6 more lbs before I head to Montreal on the 11th. If I do, I will hit a major milestone and will have lost 31 lbs since I first stated my mini goal of 20 lbs for Montreal! Yay.   Hope you all have as much energy as I do and are feeling great!
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

3
 

One year anniversary today - 114 lbs!

I feel like I finally have an "after" picture. I still have more to go and I'm fairly disgusted by all my loose skin but I'm healthy, feel good and the cosmetics can be fixed.   I said it before and I really do mean it, Lapband surgery was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

4
 

100 Pounds Gone -- I Love My LapBand

As of this morning, I have lost 100 pounds! That's 10 months and 4 days since surgery. Right on schedule.   When I started this process last summer by going to the information session, I had already decided that if I could lose 100 pounds, I would consider the decision to have Lapband surgery a success. My attitude changed the day I made the decision -- I became optimistic and hopeful because I was finally deciding to do something about my weight/health/life rather than continuing to sit around complaining about being fat.   By the time I had my consultation in September and then the actual surgery in November I was sure this was the way to go. I was right!   Having LapBand surgery was one of the best decisions I have ever made (and believe me, I've made quite a few bad ones). My life has changed and continues to get better every day. Even with all the accompanying issues and problems I've run into over the last ten months, I would not change a thing except possibly to have done it sooner!   I am going to continue to work my band so I can lose more weight, continue to live a healthy lifestyle and live a lot longer.   BIKINI BODY, BABY! That's the new goal!   :thumbup:
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

10
 

Where did July go? Checking In.

A couple of weeks after my last blog entry in June, I had to get some fluid removed from my band. I had developed vomiting and acid reflux after a sinus infection and antibiotics that were very harsh on my stomach. So, for almost all of July (and two weeks in June), I had a fairly loose band and lots of social engagements. I did ok though. I'm approximately the same weight I was when they loosened the band and just had a little fill last week trying to get back to where I was before the problems started. My doctor is insisting on a swallow study before he puts in anymore fill so I've got to schedule that soon because I would really like to be down more than 110 lbs by my one year band anniversary on 11/9 - about 3 months away.   Honestly, July was a blur. It started with World Cup frenzy, out of town for the 4th and again to DC the next weekend and then vacation with family and at the end of that a quick solo trip to Puerto Rico for a wedding followed by a family visit, tourist day in NYC with kids and finally, my daughter's birthday party for 16 held on 7/31. I am DONE with July and never want another month like that again. Between all the traveling, eating out, drinking, visiting people and places, etc., I lost my workout routine for about 2.5 weeks and drank way too much booze. But man, I had a lot of fun!   Happy to report that August is better already. Went back to the gym on Monday night and found that I hadn't actually gained weight and my fitness level is pretty much what is was before the craziness started. I had a check in with my trainer and he's put me on a tougher routine that I managed without much difficulty. The really great news though is that I am down to a size 22 Calvin Klein jeans and they are getting loose. I have some new clothes that are 18-20 and fit as well. I can feel my muscles are lean and strong (under the squishy parts) and I'm feeling and looking pretty good.   So, after may ups and downs on this band journey, I'm really in a good place. Down about 90 lbs in 9 months and feeling great. I hope the rest of the summer is productive.:cool:
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

2
 

OMG! Slime and Vomit....in public!

Current Mood: OK, I Guess :drool:   Wow! I know what sliming is now and I've just had my first Lapband associated vomit. I feel fine now but it was a bad 1/2 hour for sure.   I ate some pulled pork, with a fork, no bun and a fried pickle slice. Definitely ate too fast and didn't chew well enough, at least the pork. Within minutes I had the stuck feeling and then it got worse. I went to the bathroom about 6 times with a combination of severe sliming with heaves and actual vomiting. That was the most unpleasant thing that I've experienced since I got the band. Definitely think this thing works as a deterrent because Lord knows I'm not eating that again and will try to chew, chew, chew!   I posted about the "sweet spot" the other day after a fill -- was I there or not? Well, after a few more days, I've decided that I am. I can eat 5-6 bites, chewed well and feel finished. Oh, I still want to keep eating because it tastes so good, but I've been able to stop and not have a vomit or slime (until tonight).   Really good news - I am now 2 months and 3 weeks after surgery and this morning I hit 30 lbs lost from the morning of surgery. That's 41 from my consultation! Right on target of 10 lbs per month.   I am going to Mexico two weeks from today. I bought a maxi dress from Silhouettes in a size smaller and when I tried it on, the boobs were too big and it was a bit tight around the middle. Also, it is not a tall so rather than brushing the tops of my feet, the hem is about 4" above my ankles. Well, I kept it anyway -- my husband thinks it looks ok already but in two weeks it will look even better! Wooohoo, my first tangible sign of weightloss - a size smaller!   Feeling great about this decision right now, even after the rather awful incident this evening. I hope those of you who are struggling can go back and read how frustrated I was a few weeks ago and how much better it has gotten.   Don't love the band yet but definitely in deep like, possibly infatuation, with it now.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

2
 

Approaching the Century Mark!

Looking over my blog entries since my banding last November, I came to the conclusion that this "journey" is really a roller coaster ride. I've been up, down, sideways and all over the map emotionally and physically and I find that as I approach my one year anniversary of banding, I'm pretty much where I hoped and expected to be when they strapped me in and put the bar down. There are so many other changes that I hadn't anticipated. Some are simple, some are complicated but I'm rolling with it. A few observations - simple first:   1) It's a lot easier to wear heels when you're 100 pounds lighter. Besides having giant feet and not being able to find cute comfortable shoes, the pressure on the soles of your feet is geometrically related to how high the heel is and how much you weigh. (Science lesson for the day). The more you weigh, the higher the heel, the greater the pressure. That much less weight means that much more height in comfort. And, wedges are the best.   2) Exercise really does work. Although I did not lose much weight this summer, I dropped at least one pants size. My band was loose and I was eating too much but I was pretty much able to maintain my work out regimen and it paid off. Those CK jeans I mentioned a blog or so ago -- too big now -- and my underwear is so big it's bunching under everything. I'm reticent to buy too much because I feel another big weight loss surge coming on after my re-fill so... check out Macy's clearance online. Got a Michael Kors dress for $23.88 and it's totally adorable.   3) Here's where it gets complicated - emotionally, I am still a giant fat woman. It is really taking a lot of time for me to wrap my head around the fact that I am merely overweight and not circus-fat-lady fat anymore. Every time I walk by a store window that shows my reflection, I find I'm looking to make sure I'm not as big as I sometimes think I am. And some days, I'm convinced I am - body dysmorphic disorder at work or just difficulty adjusting to someone I haven't seen in 30 years -- myself? I may seek some help with this one.   So, here I am, 1 day shy of 10 months since my banding. 95 lbs down. Wearing a size 18/20 (I'm 5'10" and started at a size 32). Working out 3x per week. Having more energy and joi de vivre than I ever remember having in my whole life.   Was it worth the ups and downs? You bet your much smaller ass it was! Next posting to announce the 100lb mark! Look for it.   :smile:
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

5
 

Another Fill and Back on Track!

I went for a fill today and I'm feeling pretty good and back on track a bit. Last blog entry was about how I gained weight after a massive unfill. This time, I can say I'm back to where I was before the lap band vacation. I'd gained 6 lbs as of 4/3. Today, 17 days later, I'm back down those 6 lbs and got another 1cc added to my band. Here's how I got to where I am now:   At surgery: 3ccs First fill: +3ccs = 6 Second fill: +1.5ccs = 7.5ccs Unfill: -2.5ccs = 5ccs Third fill: +1cc = 6ccs Fourth fill: +1cc = 7ccs   I am really hoping that this is it. 7.5ccs was too much and resulted in vomiting, discomfort and weakness. 6ccs made a slight difference but I still managed way too much food and felt hunger. If 7 isn't right, they will start adding in smaller increments so I don't go overfilled again.   With my fill and renewed attitude, I've also decided to set a new mini goal: I am going to the Formula 1 Grand Prix in Montreal on June 11th. Last time I went to this race, I was wedged into my husband in 95 degree heat and humidity because the seats were bench style and I didn't want to overlap onto someone I didn't know. It wasn't comfortable, I got cranky and trying to leave the race in the slow moving crowds nearly killed me. My goal for this Grand Prix is to walk over the bridge to the race track rather than take the subway. It is a little over 7 weeks away so I would like to lose another 20 lbs by then.   One last thing - I went out with a girlfriend the night before Easter to do karaoke at a local bar and I must be looking good because I am surely not a good singer!! Someone actually tried to pick me up!!!!! It was the first time a man had taken that kind of an interest in me in years. Of course, I nicely let him down -- I am happily married -- but boy that put some pep in my step for a few days! Can't wait for the next guy to try to pick me up so I can brag about that too!
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

2
 

Need a Refill NOW!

My unfill, as suspected, has led to basically no restriction whatsoever. It's PMS week and I have totally lost control. I am practically jamming in food - taking big bites, not chewing all the way and gulping it down. It's like I was starving for a month (I kind of was with the vomiting and all) and now that that I can eat again and there's plentiful food I'm like a dog....gotta eat, gotta eat.   I know I need to get this under control now but honestly, if I had that kind of control I wouldn't be huge and need weightloss surgery in the first place. I'm trying to take it one meal at a time but it's not even 10 o'clock and I've blown breakfast!   My unfill was only last Wednesday.... is it too soon to get a fill??? I'm not scheduled to go back until 4/7 and I'm afraid I'll explode by then if I keep up this pace.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

1
 

Am I Going To Die? and Salad for the price of a cookie.

I had my 3rd post surgical appointment yesterday, one week shy of 4 months banded. I was glad to finally be seeing the doctor because I've had some digestive issues since my last fill -- vomiting, sliming, discomfort...you name it. And then, about a week ago, I felt a lump in my abdomen, just inside my hip bone. It was tender to the touch and seemed to move when I changed position. I thought maybe it was a hernia I'd never noticed because of all the fat on my gut before but definitely wanted to have it checked out.   So, I'm sitting in the exam room waiting for the doctor and reading the informative poster about the digestive system which, as we know, ends in the colon and rectum. How delightful to read the symptoms of colo-rectal cancer while I've got a lump I'm worried about. Here's my thought process: "Let's see, hmmm, change in bowel habits - check, pain or tenderness in the abdomen - check, other TMI symptoms - check, check, check.... OMG, I HAVE COLON CANCER! Great! Isn't this just ironic that here I am, finally losing weight so I can live a healthier life and now I'm going to die from colon cancer anyway. I shouldn't have smoked. I shouldn't have drunk too much. I shouldn't have had a high fat diet. I shouldn't have.....oh, here comes the doctor."   So, when the doctor asks me how I am, I blurt out, "I have a lump in my abdomen and at first I thought it might be a hernia but after reading THAT, I'm a little worried it's colon cancer." He sort of laughs and says, "If you had colon cancer and could feel a lump through your stomach, you'd be f'n dead already." Well, I do like him for being blunt. So, he feels around and says it's a hematoma and asks if I had an injection recently. I did not and, I can't think of any incident where I got poked or fell on something..... So, chalk it up to all the swimming I did in Mexico - probably a small tear in my muscle. Phew. Thank goodness these hypochondria moments don't last too long.   So, now that I know I'm not going to die (from this particular ailment), I mention that I might need a slight unfill because I'm concerned I'm not getting enough food since the last fill on 1/27. I've been trying to do about 1/2 cup of food but find I get very full just at a little over 1/4 cup down and begin to feel uncomfortable, get slimy and..as I mentioned above, vomit. The doctor says I don't need an unfill and that 2 ounces of solid food at a sitting is just about right. So, no fill, no unfill.   But, you know, I really miss eating even though I take longer to do it now and can eat almost anything - just not much of it. I miss everything about cleaning my plate, the feel of the food in my mouth, having more than one course.....dessert!   Today I went to the cafeteria to get some lunch. I got a small soup (less than half filled) and put 1 hard boiled egg, one slice of cucumber and a few carrot shreds in the smallest salad container they had. When I took it to the cashier, it wouldn't weigh -- it was too light for the scale so she charged me for a cookie (!!!) -- all of $.50. I got a packet of mayo and made myself a little egg salad and had some on a saltine. It tasted good. I could have licked the container but I was too full. I couldn't even eat the 2nd saltine.   I signed up for this knowing the band was a tool and that I had to do the heavy lifting. It's working, I'm working. I'm vomiting, it's working. I'm sliming, it's working. I've lost 58 lbs, it's working. It's working, it's working.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

5
 

God I suck!

Current Mood: Very Frustrated :wink2:   So last week I went back for the check up and everything was looking good so they told me to eat solid food for a week and come back for a fill today. Yesterday morning I ate two slices of apple with my breakfast and it did me in. I had a feeling indigestion for the whole day and decided to have soup for dinner and drink as much fluid as I could to "loosen up."   This morning, I could feel some pressure in the same place but it seemed to dissipate a little after a coffee. Breakfast went down fine - 2 scrambled eggs - but after I ate lunch the clogged feeling returned. I can only describe it as similar to the feeling I had the week after surgery when I was still swollen and tried semi solid food. Uncomfortable but not really painful.   So, being the honest woman that I am, I told the PA about it and she asked a few other questions and decided I shouldn't get the fill and instead I should go back to liquids for a couple of days and then call the doctor on Thursday. If the feeling hadn't gone away by then, they would probably want to get another upper GI series.   I am so disappointed! I gained two pounds. I have no restriction. I can eat and drink anything without any real restriction and then this set back. On top of this, I suffer from PMDD and my period is 4 days late (I attribute this to the stress of the surgery) - my OB/Gyn says the later the period, the worse the PMS/PMDD. I am depressed, sad, angry, feeling like a total failure and embarrassed that I acted like a total f'ing baby at the doctor's office today.   So, feeling like crap emotionally, and on the verge of tears, I leave the office and run into my surgeon on the street. He asks me what's wrong and I warn him that his PA is going to tell him what a baby I am.   I feel like such a failure. I go through a major alteration to my body to lose weight and I feel like this journey that everyone writes about just won't start for me. It's like I'm seated in coach, in a middle seat, on the runway for 9 hours and they won't let anyone get up or take the damn plane back to the gate.   I know it took me a long time to get this fat and it will take time to lose the weight...I just want to START.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

3
 

By jove I think she's got it! Down 9 lbs in 5 days.

Current Mood: Pleased and Relieved:cool2:   The fill worked! I have been very tempted to shove food in my mouth and/or keep eating when I think I've had enough and I've been able to stop when I needed to stop! To a certain extent, I think it is mental. I'm just too afraid of pain and vomiting to push it. But then again, maybe I'm just beginning to recognize the signs of a band that is properly restrictive.   I just came back from lunch with a colleague and brought at least 2/3 of it back. It was delicious - chicken breast, mushrooms w/ goat cheese and roasted potatoes - and I could have kept on going but once I hiccuped, I decided that was enough and hoped my body was trying to send me a signal. I had the food removed from the table and wrapped immediately so I wouldn't keep snacking. I brought it back to the office and gave it to someone who was quite pleased. It's working.   Since my first fill last Thursday - 3ccs - (admittedly after soup and about a quart of water and while having my period) I have lost 9 lbs. I think the fluids and water weight I was holding probably accounted for 4-5 lbs so I'm feeling pretty good about my loss because I figure it's 4-5 lbs of NOT WATER. I make my total weight loss since consultation to be 26 lbs. I'm on target to lose the 30, and maybe more, I'd hoped for by Christmas.   Setting Mini Goals: How do you determine what your mini goals are? I think mine are related to where I was in my life when something specific was happening rather than a particular number on the scale. Here are my mini goals:   1) The low after my daughter was born in 2003 - 9 lbs away 2) When I quit smoking in April - 24 lbs to go 3) When I met my husband - 44 lbs to go 4) When I started my career - 60 lbs to go 5) When I graduated from high school - 80 lbs to go (must also lose 2" of height! haha)   If I get that far, I'll have to set some new goals based on pants size because although I can remember what I weighed when I was in 8th grade, I am 4" taller and a lot older so it's actually lower than my ultimate goal.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

3
 

Pretty Thin For A Fat Woman!

I know I am not thin. I know I still have a long way to go but I feel like I've crossed over from "circus fat lady fat" to merely "overweight" and it's a big difference. The compliments keep coming and make me feel great. The work outs make me feel even better. The only thing that continues to bother me about this whole weight loss journey (besides not being able to tolerate bread) is my husband's lack of support. My friends have said that he's worried I'll lose a lot of weight and then change and not want him anymore. I thought that was kind of silly but I'm starting to suspect that he might be threatened by my new outlook and lease on life.   He never tells me how good I look or that he is proud of me. When I asked him he said he'd be proud if I kept it up and reached my goal. Why can't he be proud of how far I've come already? He admits he loves that I have so much energy and that I'm happier in general than I have been in years but ... here's the real shocker... HE THINKS I DON'T NEED TO LOSE ANY MORE WEIGHT!?! WTF?   He's always preferred a woman who is not skinny and I still need to lose another 80 lbs and I won't even be thin then! It took me ages to drag it out of him and it turns out that he feels I've already accomplished my main goals of being healthier, looking better and being more active/mobile for our daughter's sake. He's right, those are the goals but I also don't want to be fat anymore and I am still fat and still can't run a 10k.   So, even though I'm a thinner fat woman these days, I'm going to keep on going and try to reach my goal. I'm also sticking with my husband and showing him that just because the outside is changing, the inside does not have to change as well. I still love him and just want to be as healthy as I can be so I can stick around to enjoy my family as long as possible. He'll just have to get over it.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

1
 

Unfill - Feel Physically Much Better But Concerned

My last fill on 1/27 resulted in a lot of restriction, so much so that I questioned in this space and others whether or not the band was too tight. At my appointment last week, 3/3, the doctor said he thought 2 ounces of food was a good amount per sitting so I assumed the problems I was having were related more to my eating habits than the band.   And then the real vomiting started. I'd thrown up a couple of times and slimed since my last fill but it got to the point over the last week that at least 1 meal per day ended up in the toilet or sink. Finally, after a week of feeling weak and that I wasn't getting enough nutrition (still) and I couldn't sleep because I kept gagging and vomiting a bit while lying down, I called the doctor's office yesterday and they were able to get me in today.   As soon as I described the vomiting while prone, the doctor said the band is too tight and he'd take some fluid out. He said that monthly fluctuations can cause different feelings of restriction so if I retain a lot of fluid with my period, that could be the cause. Of course, I don't have my period but sometimes it just happens.   He took out 1.5ccs (I had 7.5 in my 12 cc band) and told me to drink a cup of water and see how it went down. I sat in the waiting area, sipping my water and it didn't feel right. After about 3 ounces, I felt that old familiar pain and urge and ran to the bathroom and threw it up. Back to the exam room and he took out another 1cc of fluid.   I feel like a new person. I drank my cup of water with no problem and even had a satisfying little burp at the end. Got some soup on the way back to the office (doctor said warm liquids at first) and it went down beautifully.   Here's the concern though -- after I had the whole soup (about 6 oz - more than I've had at a sitting in over a month), I wanted more! I am worried that I'm back to square one with restriction and even though I will try to stick to the plan and eat the right foods and right amounts, it's the restriction that I depend on to help keep me on track. What if I blow it? I know I won't gain back all 60 lbs in the month before my next appointment but I question whether I can stick to my goals for 4 weeks if I have little restriction. I'm so bad in general that I actually considered getting a roast beef sandwich on the way back from the doctor's office, just to see if I could do it.   So, I'm glad that I'll be able to sleep and won't be running to the bathroom after every meal but I'm worried that I'll eat too much because....I can.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

5
 

So Full!

Current Mood: Tentative :smile:   My last fill was 4 weeks ago tomorrow. At the time, I felt I'd really gotten it right. It was going quite well until last Wednesday when I went out for drinks with colleagues. When I got home, I was hungry and decided to eat some left over steak. Well, being a little bit drunk, I probably ate it too fast and didn't chew well enough and my body retaliated. Vomiting and gagging for about an hour immediately. In the morning, my stomach still felt a bit rough so I just had some Greek yogurt with a little raspberry preserves mixed in. It didn't sit right. Nothing solid sits right since then and I've had a couple more incidences of severe discomfort.   The only thing that went down well and left me feeling good full was carrot ginger soup. The upset feeling is gone but I am now getting uncomfortably full from what probably amounts to 2-3 tablespoons of food, well chewed and eaten slowly. Last night I had one sea scallop and tablespoon of beans and mashed potatoes. I was full for hours. There is no way this is enough food for someone my size - 5'10", active and still a good 80 lbs overweight.   Is 2-3 tablespoons how much I'm supposed to be eating? I thought it was more like 2-3 ounces of food (6-9 tablespoons).   Or, maybe this is the right amount of restriction and I haven't quite grasped how little I am supposed to be eating and try to eat more at every sitting. In the last 4 weeks I have lost about 20 lbs. I've also started a regular work out routine and have been sticking to it so I'm sure that helped with the weight loss but still....5 lbs per week?   I have a post-fill check-up tomorrow and will see what they say about the amount of food I should be eating. I'm honestly hoping for a small unfill so I can eat TWO scallops next time!   Total weight loss as of this morning: 75 lbs at 6 months and 8 days post surgery.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

0
 

Pardon Me But Your Weight Loss Upsets Me!

Current Mood: Slender :thumbup:   Ok, so I don't really feel slender, just less fat than I used to feel. It's a good thing.   I just came back from my second fill. After asking what I ate yesterday, my doctor said I really need a fill if I can eat 8 ounces of sirloin and 3 vegetable dumplings at a time! (Hey, at least it was protein, well..mostly) I got 1.5ccs added for a total of 7.5ccs in my 12cc band. I must say that I went into the appointment in a good mood but still feeling just a little bit disappointed that I hadn't lost more weight since my first fill on 12/3/09. Here's what I found out:   It's your fault! Yes, you! You people who lose 40 lbs in one month. You're making the rest of us feel bad! LOL.   Seriously, my doctor thought my 17 lbs was a great number and that I was ahead of the curve for lap band patients in general, especially considering my holiday season indulgences extended from 12/3 to 1/3!! He reiterated that lap band is slower loss than other WLS and I am right on track for me. I really like my doctor.   Fill effect: The cup of water in the doctor's office went straight down, no problem. Since I'm on liquids until tomorrow, I picked up a small corn soup on the way back to the office and when I got here, I looked at it and realized it seemed to be pretty heavy on the cream. I decided to eat it anyway. Well, I got about halfway through and then it happened....the moment I've been waiting for....my eureka moment. I felt the restriction with a liquid for the first time! I thought about taking one more mouthful but already had a gurgly burp brewing so I put the lid on the soup and dropped it in the trash. I put my yogurt in the fridge for tomorrow and called it lunch! I am so pleased right now and looking forward to losing more weight and maybe....just a little bit quicker.   Oh, and I was only kidding above. Everyone loses at a different pace and thought I might be a bit envious of those who drop it more quickly than I, I don't begrudge anyone his/her victories. You're doing spectacularly - keep up the good work.   B
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

3
 

OMG! I'm like a new woman...that might be a problem.

So I got an unfill yesterday. Dr. took 2.5 ccs from my band, which had been 7.5ccs in a 12cc band. I am like a different person. With the band too tight, I'd started to adjust my behavior to accommodate the issues -- too tight, eat less, have soup instead of solids, rationalize that everyone with a lap band pukes!   Now that the band is looser, I can burp. I can eat without pain. I feel SO MUCH BETTER that I can't believe I went for 5 weeks with a too tight band.   My concern about lack of restriction is definitely legitimate. I will work on a healthy diet but when it comes time for my next visit, I will definitely get a fill if I feel there is no restriction. Last night, I ate well but couldn't finish my meal. Today, I had a similar experience but made a bad choice. Salad and soup tasted great but probably didn't actually fill me up as much as another choice could have. I have to stick to the plan, even when the band isn't working for me.   Sorry if this blog entry was a bit like a self cheer leading effort...guess I just needed to talk myself into doing it right. Will report how I do with limited restriction.
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

4
 

My Scale Thinks It's On The Biggest Loser!

Current Mood: Optimistic :thumbup:   In preparation for my fill, I weighed myself this morning and I think my scale has delusions of grandeur or ambitions to be on TV! It is a new, good quality digital scale but when I get on, it does the same thing the scale on The Biggest Loser does....up, down, up, down, up, up, down, down. I find myself holding my breath to see where it settles every time. Luckily, I don't have to wait for a commercial break to find out what I weigh!   I think I've figured it out though...it never shows a weight lower than my actual weight, so at least I'm not thinking I lost 8 lbs for 1/10th of a second before it settles 5 pounds higher. I still have a sort of "phew" moment when it shows the low number every time.   I'm just really glad it can't talk! LOL
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

3
 

Ooops, I Did It Again! (Not the Britney version)

CURRENT MOOD: Aha! :tongue_smilie:   I ate too much!   Wow! When I get restriction I really get restriction. It's been almost two weeks since I got my second fill and I've had some issues adjusting. A couple of vomit/slime episodes and definite pain from eating too fast or the wrong food, followed by swelling and finally relief.   Today, I really can't eat more than 4 ounces, no matter how healthy the food is! Just finished lunch and I am now very uncomfortable. I ate 1 very small black cod fillet -- it was no more than 3 ounces --, about 1 ounce of steamed spinach and two very very small slices of raw tuna - less than an ounce. Well, I'm sitting here wishing I could burp. I can feel the food sitting at the bottom of my throat and I'm just waiting for that 1/2 hour to pass so I can take a few sips of water and get this food moving down. I seriously considered getting rice on the side when I got my lunch but opted for the tuna instead. The tuna is in the refrigerator, with the miso soup, having earned a reprieve for this meal at least!   I've seen people post that their restriction levels are different day-to-day or that a fill sometimes takes a while to settle that's why I say that I have good restriction TODAY. I hope it stays like this.   Mexico is one week away, which can't come soon enough since we're facing a blizzard, and I've already met my mini goal of 10 lbs since the fill. Time for a fiesta!   Hope those of you facing down the snow (on the ground or about to arrive) have plenty of TP and protein powder!   B
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

1
 

What I Did During My Lapband Vacation

It's official. I gained 6 lbs since my "unfill" on March 10. It's probably not a full 6 lbs because I'm very bloated in a womanly way - I'm guessing it's about 3 lbs once I unload all this fluid.   The thing is, I really don't feel badly about the weight gain. I've been able to wrap my head around the idea that this is a process and with any long term endeavor, there are ups and downs. In this case, it's still mostly downs (as in weight going down) and I'm way ahead of where I was mentally and physically, even a month ago. Sure, a month ago the weight was falling off but it was at the price of vomiting, feeling unwell and feeling mentally punished for being fat all the time.   With the unfill, I was able to replenish both my body and my mind. I like to think of this period as a mini vacation from the band that allowed me to refresh and start anew...just like coming back from vacation and going back to school or work.   Yesterday, I got a fill. Only 1cc which brought me back to 6cc, exactly what I had after my first fill. I couldn't feel any restriction when I had my soup for lunch and fluids go down fine but I decided on some soft cheese, salad and hummus for dinner and I could feel it. Yay! Restriction is back and not too much. I may still need another adjustment but I'm really ready to get back on the wagon and correct these bad patterns I fell right back into over the last month:   1) Drinking while eating 2) Bread, bread, bread 3) Eating too fast and not chewing well enough - even with very little restriction I had a bad PB incident with a bagel 4) Slider foods and candy 5) Diet soda 6) Booze 7) Snacking   It was a great vacation - eating, drinking, my birthday, having too much fun with food - but I'm back now and tightening the reins.   Happy Easter, Passover, Spring to all!
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

4
 

Woooooohoooo! It's Friday!

Current Mood: Excellent, party on! :tongue2:   I'm going with stream of consciousness blogging today....   Friday, Friday, Friiiiiiday! Started out the weekend right last night by having a lovely home-cooked chili courtesy of my husband, doing all the laundry, wrapping presents, watching a movie and having a glass of wine. I slept like a log for most of the night and today I hopped on the scale and....ta da....another 2 lbs gone.   I'm going into the weekend in a great mood and good attitude. Final holiday shopping, setting up the tree, some baking (I won't eat the cookies, I swear) and probably sledding too! Next year, I'll have to buy smaller snow pants so I might as well get use out of my big girl ones now!   I think I can cram in enough activity this weekend to lose the last 2 lbs needed to make my year-end goal of 30 lbs total.   Fills: When I got my first fill on the 3rd of December, I didn't ask about follow up so I finally called the doctor's office yesterday and they said to schedule my next fill at the end of January unless I really felt there was no restriction and then I might come in earlier. I feel the restriction and even had a bad moment this morning - possibly the first time I've had first bite syndrome. I've been talking to my sister, who also has a band and is now a size 8 at 5'10" (same height as me but much smaller frame in general), and she's told me about her PBs, eating too fast, gas, etc.... She says it is all worth it though she does miss pizza. I already ate pizza.   Have a great weekend! I hope you stay on track but don't forget to enjoy yourself!   B
BarbaraWM

BarbaraWM

4
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