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Brain dumping area - enter at own risk!!!

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Another big emotional week

Geez, I hope that I'm heading for an easier emotional ride soon - this is hard work!   Anyway, I'm coping okay with everything, not overeating, but not particularly focussed on food right now either. I've basically chucked in the pre-pre-op diet plans, but I'm not having any "last meal syndrome" (or at least not yet... I suppose there's some advantages then...   Anyway, Uncle B passed away last Tuesday night - we had his funeral in Sale on Friday. I made the Bible reading for them, as mum is still away. Sad day, espeically for my cousins. :cry M & C have to take the burden because L is so unwell and out of it. I am so proud of them.:clap2: They are so strong. As if their dad's death wasn't enough to have to deal with, than have to worry about her too. L will be getting a new treatment soon, so hope she pulls herself together - although after all this time, we all doubt it. Her poor kids, she's done nothing for them in their whole lives. We'll be heading back in a few weeks to spread his ashes. After B's funeral, I had luch with E&D & J&O - D says he'll get a band if mine works, so that's 2 or 3 people I'm a guinea pig for so far (2 girlfriends are also watching)! I said they could share my room in the hospital if they sign up now! LOL! :biggrin1: :clap2:   So far haven't had much time for sitting in the sun! But I am working on it! Trying also to get our home gym room set up - but so far all I've done is think about it and look at the junk to be moved out of there... LOL!   Still counting the days until surgery: 16 sleeps to start of pre-op diet:hungry: 30 sleeps until surgery:sick
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

1
 

First Bandsters Support Group Meeting

I was surprised at how many people were there - about 30 or more. It took me a while to get into it - as I was feeling a bit shy. Anyhow, met up with tolmc and tarajane - an unexpected treat to meet them. I can honestly say that this was the first weight loss group I've EVER been to that served FOOD!!! This LGB culture sure is DIFFERENT to ANY other weight loss support / culture I've EVER experienced.   Since talking with Liz last weekend, I have felt amazingly calm and in control. More free - like a huge mental burden has been lifted off.   I am getting very excited about surgery - counting the days to Oct 5th.   Doing okay with 2 Optifast meals per day. Decided not to do the third one until last 2 weeks. Some local gals didn't do it at all (or cheated - completely), so I don't feel so bad after all. Still need to make more of an effort to sit in the sun!
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

1
 

Riding the rollercoaster.

I feel like I've been riding a rollercoaster for the past four days. The pace of events, and emotional highs and lows have left me worn out. It'll be good to get back to work tomorrow for a break! LOL! Here's what I've been up to:   Thursday - had a late night Wed writing up the kinder newsletter, so I could print it during the morning. Then we had a surprise party at playgroup for AD's 40th - she was touched! I met up with jenny from LBT for a coffee - her insights were very reassuring. Had dinner out with the kinder mums. After 2 glasses of wine, I felt like I'd had the whole bottle. Friday - got a call in the morning that uncle B was very ill and may not live more than few days to two weeks - so I drove to Sale to visit him in hospital. At this stage, he really doesn't know his prognosis is so grim - the doctors are preparing him for this news. He didn't look good - could hardly breathe, and the medications that he had been on had made him bloated and blotchy. These have been stopped now (because they found out it's not an infection), and they were making a gradual transition towards palliative care, with morphine pain relief being started. But he was still the same old B - happy (and surprised!) to see me. Mum and Dad would have liked to have been here to see him. It was very hard to kiss him goodbye when time to go home, as I won't see him alive again. He is my favourite uncle - a bit of a larrikin, and had his problems, but still loves us all. Didn't get home until late - quite emotional. Time to cry later, not now. I had some phone calls with friends etc when I got home that were a bit stressful - some anxiety and stresses amongst the gang - some of them have some major issues in their home lives at the moment which are making them agressive due to stress. A bit like what's going on around parts of LBT too. I hope to keep out of it as best I can. Saturday - Mad rush day - to get ready for church family dinner (30 ppl at our place). Had my visit to the weight loss counsellor - very enlightening - I journal about this separately when my head has cleared, so I don't lose the benefit of her insights. The main one is that I am anxious - and need to find time to calm down and relax - this will help with the snacking, which she believes are due to an energy imbalance (well-being sense). I need to sit in the sun more! Hooray - permission to relax and be girlie!!! A doctor's prescritpion to break out the oil burners, massage oil, yoga classes, mediation... ...mmmmmmm! bliss!!! What more could a girl want?? Sunday - church, followed by puppet rehearsal for next Sunday. After lunch at home, we went to Elwood Beach for a family break afternoon. DS loved playing on the playground, and we had a coffee in the foreshore cafe. He crashed out fairly early - he's been grumpy tired all day. Finally time to clean up and do laundry etc in the evening. I'm off to bed now - I feel like I've not slept in days - it's mainly emotional exhaustion - but elements of physical exhaustion and probably dehydration from rapid pace of the weekend are not helping either.   Anyway - it's been wone of those weekends where it feels like the world has tilted and adjusted itself - funny how things often all happen in a rush at times - and then all is calm for a while. Except this weekend, following the counsellor's consultation - it feels like it has finally tilted in the right direction in terms of finding some of the ansers to my emotional / head hunger issues. Halleleulia!
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

1
 

...the day after.

Copied from sneak eating thread - useful self-analysis to keep. For today - I'm going to be Scarlett O'Hara - "...after all, tomorrow's another day!". I'll start fresh tomorrow, when I am feeling back on my game.   Thanks BJean, MoorLess, Little Bird - I'm still in shock about what happened this morning - I really thought I had dealt with that demon. Guess it proves that we always need to be vigilant.   Primal urge - I like that expression - it's really what it is, isn't it? Funny how some of us are affected by these urges more strongly than others. It's the same feelings I still get when my 5YO son cries, the feeling that "turned on" oh so strongly when he was born, the emotions and memories stirred when I smell violets (they remind me of my nana).   This morning, I remembered something about how the secret eating started . Since I was about 8 or 9, I used to offer to go to the milk bar for mum on a pretext of buying milk, bread or whatever, and then spending some of HER money on lollies to eat on the way home, or to hide at home for later. I knew it was wrong, on so many levels, not the least of which was because I knew she often didn't have any more money than the little bit left in her purse until pay day. I also (and still do) raid her pantry (and my own) in search of tasty morsels that I can sneak. I think she knew I did it, but I don't thinks she knew how often. I guess it's a power / control thing. Sorry mum. When I see her next, I'll share this with her - it'll help exorcise the demons!   What also scares me- is how easily and adept we all are at hiding the evidence that these events happen to us from time to time. I hate feeling deceptive and deliberately denying God.   I think a lot of the emotions and reasons why I do this stem from the self-loathing that I have for being in this condition - the emotions, (and the depression) gets worse the fatter I get. I know we all share similarities here on one level or another. I am looking forward to liking myself more in my new banded life, and finally freeing myself of these emotional chains (or at least lightening their load!).   I'm at a low ebb today - partly tired (too much late night LBT! lol!), and partly hormones (mid-cycle always gets me down). Got a case of BFU (Big Fat Uglies) just now. The hormonal cycle also seems more out of whack the bigger I get - looking forward to normalising this with weight loss too!   I'll be back on my game again by tomorrow, I'm sure.   Anyway, thanks for your support gang, and especially BJean for taking time to read my blog (it's all out there... ...first time in my life I can write about these things, and now it's comming out in torrents! lol! I AM making progress!).   I am glad not to be alone in these emotions, - I just wish for all of us that we didn't have to deal with these issues in the first place.
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

2
 

Struggling with control

After doing well until 6:30pm tonight, a major setback - I had a brain-snap and pigged out on the way home, and again after I got home. Not as bad as in the old days - but a setback nonetheless. :faint:   I used to stop for food on the way home nearly every night, and eat it on the train or in the car before getting home. I'd then turn around and eat dinner, dessert, and secret late-night snacks.   For months, I'd kicked the car food habit - mainly by not letting myself ever feel too hungry in the afternoons. Obviously that's trouble in itself... At work I usually eat my way through the arvo - it must be boredom or frustration, because I don't do it on my non-work days.   I lapsed tonight on the way home - I was trying to get a headstart on the pre-op diet, and did well all day. However, I forgot I had a seminar to stay late for, which threw a spanner into the plans I made for dinner time, and I got too hungry (sugar-low kind of hungry). It was like a switch in my head flipped and I lost control. That physical drive to eat came back on with force. I went to Maccas' for a fillet-o-fish, fries and a diet coke, and when I was done, I said to myself "what the hell just happened here?". Then I went to get the groceries, and ended up also buying a roast chook and fattening deli-salads for dinner, this time washed down with several glasses of full-strength coke. Also bought a family block of Cadbury's for a late night snack (at least I gave DH half...). Double "what the hell just happened here???". I knew what I was doing, but couldn't stop myself from doing it anyway. :(   I know it's not a huge binge by some standards, but for me it was a major setback. However, I'm not going to get cut-up about it, at least now I recognise what just happened, and am trying to deal with it, whereas before I would have been in denial that it ever happened.:clap2:   Now I'm feeling queasy, and am trying to figure out what sort of control issue caused this incident - rebellion from being on a diet, or an inability to deal with feelings of hunger? Or both??:cool:   The late-night snacking I'll have to deal with by going to bed earlier. Or at least cleaning my teeth - after all, why spoil freshly cleaned teeth and fresh breath at that hour??   I am most worried about control issues once banded - I am hoping that I can use the band as a tool to learn how to control these old habits, and not sabbotage myself. Everyone's stories of success with these control issues are inspiring, and what helped me finalise my decsion to get banded. I definitely need to plug into a good therapist as well...:help:
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

3
 

OMG moments (not positive)

OMG moment #1 - Yesterday, we picked up some family portraits we had done as part of a kinder fundraiser. They were taken in late July, around the time of my first surgeon's visit. I look like an elephant. :faint: I just can't see that in the mirror. The photo sure rammed it home. I did feel huge on the day, could barely get my fat butt, legs and guts into the required "comfortable lounging" position. ugh. That family portrait won't be hung on the wall - pity because DH & DS sure looked great. I'll put in straight into the album instead. at least it makes a great "before" shot. Time to ramp it up. I'll add in as much exercise as I can, and go with this new pre-op diet plan: 3 meals Optifast
2 or 3 fruit serves
1 cup salad
1 cup vegies
1 serve dairy OMG moment #2 - Vanilla Optifast tastes FOUL.:faint: I was a bit worried about its dubious yellow colour when I mixed it up... ...I didn't quite retch when drinking it - but was close. I'm trying to be positive and enjoy the experience as part of my pre-op, but that stuff is not the best. I'll add some dissolved coffee or non-joule flavourings to get through the packages I bought, and only get the choc stuff next time.
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

1
 

Starting pre-pre-op diet today.

Well, a BIG box of Optifast shakes arrived in yesterday's post (from my eBay purchase). I also bought a box each of the choc bars, choc mousse and chicken soup.:hungry:   Not really motivated to drink or eat this stuff... ...but since I spent all that money on it, and want to drop some kilos right now before surgery, I'd better start. It tastes ok, but I'm not looking forward to hunger pains and feeling depived... ...at least its only a few weeks, and the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.   My work pants and jeans are both falling apart, and as I haven't any other decent clothes I fit into right now that are warm enough or suitable to wear out of the house:cry , a couple of weeks of meal replacement will do me good. I have several pairs of NEW pants hanging in the wardrobe - and all they need is just a very few kilos lost before I can wear them:) . So that's motivation to get started.   So, from now until the final 2 weeks pre-op, it will be breakfast and lunch of Optifast, and a normal dinner with the family. Some days I have lunch functions, so will not Optifast at these events:hungry: . The last 2 weeks pre-op will be the full Optifast shebang.:speechles   Exercise will be a minimum 30 min walk (work days), a 1 hour session of something else on the other days (walk, ride, gym or swim), or a full weekend "chores day" (gardening, laundry, cleaning etc). I must log back into fitday.com and get that log going.   I got the rest of my pre-op appointments and instructions from ESV today. Appointments as follows: Sat 26/8/06, 11:15am - weight loss counsellor, Kew
Thurs 31/8/06, 5:30pm - dietician group session, Mulgrave
Wed 27/9/06, 8:00am - pre-admission nurse, Mulgrave
Fri 29/9/06, 9:30am - specialist surgeon pre-op review, Mulgrave
Thurs 5/10/06 - surgery, Mulgrave
Mon 16/10/06, 3:30pm- post-op nurse review, Mulgrave
Mon 23/10/06, 5:00pm - dietician group session, Mulgrave
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

1
 

I have my date!!!! 48 days to go!

I went back to see Dr Lim today, for the results of my echo. He said that my heart murmur is caused by noisy blood ("turbulent flow"), and is nothing to do with faulty valves or heart disease. That's a relief.   It's also nice to know that my blood fats, cholesterol, blood sugars etc are within mormal ranges. Guess that suggests that our family diet is fair (apart form my portions being too BIG!) LOL!!! I just worry too much...   Sooooooo: I am good to go. In 48 days.   Karen from ESV said I could have surgery on Aug 29th (Tues), Oct 5th (Thurs) or Oct 9th (Mon). Pity there was nothing available in mid-Sept as I had hoped, because August date is too close (only 2 weeks away!!) and would be bery stressful and inconvenient, with Mike and both sets of parents all away during that week. Plus it would be a juggle for work days, and I'd only be 2 weeks post-op when we go to the snow. Pre-op diet would also be challenging, with the large number of parties we have in the calendar this month!   At first, the Oct dates seemed a bit too far out, however, on balance, Oct 5th is the best, as it fits in the best with everyone's work, holiday and social schedules. It's far enough before Christmas season so I can relax that I'll not be in recovery mode during the festive rush. Plus, we can keep our calendar free where we need to, so as not to put undue pressure on pre- and post-op diet etc. It also gives us all five weeks to prepare - spiritually, mentally, physically, and financially...   I plan to start pre-op preparation as soon as the Optifast arrives. Here's the strategy for the 5 weeks I have pre-op: 3 weeks - 2 meals Optifast, normal dinner
2 weeks - full pre-op Optifast In the next five weeks, I also need to: pray and to prepare my road to recovery and success with the Lord's help,
organise for annual leave during post-op week,
reduce credit card down to zero, so the hospital bills can go straight onto it,
clean out and restock the pantry and freezer,
plan post-op diet for recovery weeks - for myself and family,
rearrange and recommit to my exercise and fitness schedules,
renew gym membership (due to expire on 25th Sept)
update my workout plan with the gym (update the current long plan to suit our home equipment, and add various short routines to target different areas - abs, arms, butt, legs etc),
finalise as many large work projects as possible,
finish the spring-time gardening jobs,
buy post-op presents for Mike & James,
let Paul know dietary needs for the wedding,
plan one or two post-op outings - both child free recovery days and special family days. *********************STOP PRESS************************* Wow - a Truly amazing day - my Dad called (they are in Carnarvon today) to say that the has got a redundancy package from his work, and therefore will be retired within a week of them coming home from their trip - by Friday October 6th (day after my banding!)!!! Hip Hip Hooray!!! It's exactly how we've all hoped and prayed his retirement would be for him for years. After all his years working there, he deserves to go out with the bonus of a redundancy package. With Dad retiring, and me getting banded - that WILL be a notable week in our family's life!   Mike & I will organise a surprise retirement party for him - late October looks good for that at this stage. That will give us something very happy to look forward to - and something to distract us from the banding and the adjustments it will bring. Ooooh goody, a party!! Even better - a free DAD!!!
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

1
 

Up too late...

Once again, the house is in bed, and I'm still here trawling LBT!!!! I should go to bed, but my mind is occupied with thoughts of banding, and life after banding. I'm also a bit anxious about tomorrow's physician appt, and hoping to get a surgery date by tomorrow afternoon if all goes well. I ordered 4 boxes of Optifast for pre-surgery preparation from eBay today - I can get it posted cheaper than buying it at the shops! I'm going to start it as early as possible, to try and lose some more weight before banding.   As I try to prepare mentally for my new life, I find myself pondering over the fact that I really don't know how I will feel about losing weight and being thinner, as I've never really had much success at it. This makes me nervous, and almost feel too afraid to try (fear of failure perhaps?)... ... at least the band will keep me on track, and as my weight drops, I will be forced to deal with weight and food issues, as well as the self-image perceptions that I can still barely define.   Already, since deciding to be banded, I have come a long way, from hopelessness and depression, to a new sense of energy and hope for the future. I find I can, for the first time in my life, talk and write about being obese, and not cry about it at the same time! This is incredibly empowering for me, as I take it as a sign that my concious AND subconcious mind have both finally accepted my condition for what it is, after spending half my life being in denial. No more "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" mentality for this black duck!   I know the band will help deal with the meal time hunger and volume, and that it won't help as much to control snacking and emotional food habits. I know that I will have to define a whole new set of values about how I see myself and my place in the world, how I relate to food, how I socialise, how I deal with boredom, frustration etc. I am not a huge emotional eater (I don't binge to the degree of others, but I do on occasion have a "brain snap"), but there are aspects of those habits that need to be sorted out. I am more of a compulsive eater driven by the physical sensations of food, eating, chewing and swallowing. I am also a big social eater - showing hospitality and love towards my family and friends by breaking bread with them. The social eating will be hard to change, as it's such an ingrained thing.   I know that dealing with some of these things will be driven by the lifestyle changes the band will bring, some will be driven by the weight loss itself, but that most of them will have to come from within. This is scary, as I don't yet know where to start. I don't think that this will really begin until I am some fair way post-band. Maybe these things don't really kick in until months or years post-band, until it too has acceptance and has become just another part of the fabric of my life. Maybe I am already along the way, just don't feel I've got very far yet...   HOWEVER (and now for the biggest plus at this stage): For the first time in my life, I feel ready to face up to these old habits and demons. Finally I have accepted my condition for what it is, and also feel that I have the mental space in life at the moment, and physical stamina necessary to seek my victory... ...and the VERY best part - I feel that this is all part of God's plan for me - whatever the outcome.   I feel that now God is guiding me to change my heath for the better - something I have never experienced before in any of my weight loss attempts. I wouldn't say that "God told me to get a band" or anything silly like that, after all, the band is merely a tool. But I feel enveloped by His love, and truly guided towards success. Yet another sign of my acceptance - handing over my life and trusting in God is something that I've always struggeld with. Praise God!
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

1
 

Auditioning for the band.

So far, as part of my pre-op preparation I have:   21/7/06 Met with the GP (Dr Richards) for initial referral to surgeon; was weighed at 132kg. He said to eat less and move more - and that I'm depressed - well der fred! Of course I'm depressed - without hope of losing weight until I heard about LapBanding. I need a new GP.   28/7/06 Met with surgeon (Mr Chris Hensman, EndoSurgery Victoria)for initial consultation; was weighed at 134.3kg Had chest x-ray at The Valley Private Hospital   5/8/06 Had blood, urine, ECG tests at Melbourne Pathology, Edithvale 5/8/06 Met with GP to discuss Enhanced Primary Care Plan (referrals for dietician and psychologist) recommended by the surgeon.   8/8/06 Met with physician (Dr Lim); was weighed at 132kg. Told I have a heart murmur. I'm to have an cardiac ultrasound (echo) on 10/8/06. Mum tells me that Nana Vi had one (which wasn't picked up until she was over 90!), as does Carla (cousin). Dad has a "missing heartbeat". 8/8/06 Dropped paperwork for EPCP to GP's office. He had secretary call in the evening to say he wouldn't do it / doesn't think it's necessary. This means I'll have to pay for these visits via health insurance, resulting in a much bigger out-of-pocket cost to me. Now I KNOW I need a new GP - one who is band-friendly and more supportive. I'll ask ESV for information, or go and talk to Dr Dillon. (TERESITA - THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT!!)   18/8/06 Second visit to Dr Lim. Heart murmur due to turbulent blood flow. Blood tests all normal, including triglycerides, cholesterol, glucose. I am good to go. Booked surgery date with ESV for Oct 5th. Roller coaster of emotion today, as dad also announced his retirement - but am elated!   24/8/06 Met jenny from LBT for a coffee - very nice lady, and very reassuring.   26/8/06 Had psychological evaluation with weight loss counsellor. Going in, I was very sceptical, and feeling defensive, however I was determined to be open and get as much out of the experience as possible. She says my emotional cues for eating are likley to be anxiety / wellbeing imbalance related. So I need to take more time to sit in the sun and do more things for myself that promote my wellbeing. oooh goody - a prescription for massage! LOL! A life-changing and very positive experience.   29/8/06 Went to fist Bandworks meeting at TVP - wow so many people! I haven't really clicked into this group yet, however met some really nice people, including tolmc (Vicky)and tarajane (Lisa) from LBT.   31/8/06 Dietician group session #1. Went through pre-op diet and post-op liquid stage. tolmc (Vicky) was there also - she's being banded in a couple of weeks.
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

2
 

The story so far...

...for the benefit of any journal visitors! (edited and updated form introductions thread)   I am SOOOO glad I found this forum - reading posts over the past few weeks, and viewing all those inspirational before / after shots has helped me in my decisions and plans immensely. God Bless all LBTers for sharing and caring so much:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: - I hope that I may contribute to the forum as well as the benefits I'm already enjoying.   I'm 34, a mother of one boy (who's 5), married to a WONDERFUL man (he always cheers me on, and thinks I'm sexy however I look! Bless him!). I work part-time as a consulting environmental scientist.   I have been thinking of getting banded for over a year - but only just started to discuss it with my hubby in July. I got a referral from my GP this week, and first met with surgeon in early August (with Mr Chris Hensman at EndoSurgery Victoria, Mulgrave).:nervous   I have fought the battle of the bulge since I was 16 - when my mum joined me at WW - since then I've been the classic yo-yo ride of WL support systems, diets and pills. Depression and control issues with food haven't helped either :Banane10: (Man! How do I relate to some of the stories posted to the forum!) I want to GET OFF THE ROLLER COASTER - NOWWWW!!!!   My weight has hovered around 135kg since just after my son was born. My hubby was made redundant from his job at the same time, so my emotions and eating were all over the place for a LONG time. I maxed out at 138 - 140kg during last year.:omg: I'm currently around 132kg. (I'm so ashamed...) The thing is, until recently, I've never felt big or heavy. Because I'm a pear-shape, and therefore most my fat is on my legs / hips / rear end, it's kind of "out of sight, out of mind".   Only this year have I felt too big / fat / tired / slovenly / unfit / "insert any other of your favourite self-depretiating terms here" (they'd apply here) to get off my but and do things - even things I love to do like play with son (who can run like the wind) or gardening. Cleaning the house even feels like too much effort...   I feel like that a lot of the emotional baggage I've been carrying around has been put down over the past year, and is now GONE FOR GOOD. :clap2: Hubby and I have a stable, Christian marriage, we have a loving home life and good jobs and career prospects. It was a long struggle. I also feel like I'm able to finally put down the bags I've carried siince school days, feelings of insecurity and inadequacy (God knows why I have them in the first place, but the mind is a beast...). I honestly feel that if I can make a break in the weight gain-loss cycle, and lose the excess weight once and for all, that I'd have a great chance that the fat would also be GONE FOR GOOD. I guess none of this is new to many / most of you in LapBandTalk land. Anyway, it's these new feelings about myself that have shocked me into doing something more to lose the kilos- enter the LAPBAND - dadadadaaaaaa!!!:clap2: :clap2: :clap2:   My hubby & I REALLY want more babies - but right now I'm too scared of complications / dying to contemplate getting pregnant yet. I can't seem to lose the 15kgs and 5 years of age I put on since I had my son... The desire to make some new people for our family to love is also contributing influence to my decisions right now, but not the main motivation.   Initially, I'd like to get down under 100kg before trying for another baby, and then after that continue on towards an ultimate goal of 60kg - 70kg (would be nice on a 5ft 4inch girl...). I think I was about 15 when I last saw my weight defined by a number lower than 70kg.:cry :faint:   :help: I'd like to hear from anyone who has conceived / had a baby after LapBanding. My GP suggested we had a baby (or two) first, and then the LapBand - the way I feel right now, I don't think that would be sensible - I can almost feel diabetes or a heart attack at the thought of it!:sick The surgeon said at least three months, although the longer we wait after the banding, obviously, the better th weight loss would have been.   Also, I am really nervous about how I will adjust to the Bandster's lifestyle given how much and how often I eat. Feelings of hunger / fullness / satiety etc are almost meaningless to me right now. I'm looking forward to changing this, but for now, the thought of restricting food volume and types fires up those old feelings of rebellion!:hungry: :angry :Banane20: Definitely need counselling, support and reflection in this area.:nervous Anyway - enough introductions - let's make music!!!
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

1
 

Weight Records

138 kg - early 2006 maximum weight 134 kg - 1st surgeon visit, 28 July 2006 132 kg - physician visit, 8 August 2006
Goannabanda

Goannabanda

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