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About this blog

My daily thoughts.

Entries in this blog

 

Feeling good!

It's Monday! Jax and I are starting to live in harmony again. Last week was a real eye opener as I discussed in my Friday post. I typically gain weight over the weekend, so I'm proud that I was able to lose a little bit this weekend. Maybe I'm actually learning!   I have a lot of fun things coming up! I'm visiting my brother and his family Labor Day weekend, my parents are coming to visit in mid-September, I'm going to New Orleans the first weekend in October, I'm going to visit a friend in NC mid-October, I'm going to the NASCAR race the first weekend in November, then next thing I know the holidays will be here!! That doesn't take into account all the local things I have going on.   Speaking of visiting my brother...my SIL emailed me yesterday and asked if I wanted to enter a 5k that weekend with her and my nephew. I had mentioned when I visited them in May that I wanted to do it and made it my goal. I have been slacking off on the running though because of my aching feet. I said yes, so I better get on the stick! I've never gone more than 1.85 miles at once. I still think I will be able to do it though. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment!! :mad:   In preperation, I'm not going to do a ton of running because I don't want to mess up my feet. So, I'm going to do A LOT of cardio. I plan to do Jazzercise 4 times this week. I also plan to run twice. We will see how that goes then make a plan for next week.   I feel detoxed and ready to go!! Happy Monday, my friends!
LoseIt!

LoseIt!

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Everyone has bad days.

I've been working hard for the last year and especially the last six months to stop making things "all about me." Meaning, I would not analyze what so-and-so meant by saying "blah blah" because most likely, it had nothing to do with me. I used to be very defensive and analyzed EVERYTHING! I've been working to change that about myself. Mainly because I found that when I was sad or upset, I turned to food. If I could stop getting sad or upset about things...turning to food wouldn't be an issue.   Today I feel myself wallowing in that old pattern. Just now I started to write down the 2 or 3 things I'm obsessing over and they looked SO silly in writing that I deleted them.   I'm glad I have this forum to write out my thoughts so I can just let them go. Everyone has bad days, but I want to focus my life in a way that creates more good days than bad.   My life is blessed and so happy! Just because not everyone does exactly what I want to do when I want to do it...   Tonight is my first night back (in 4 weeks) with my personal trainer. I better get it all out by then or he will beat the whiny out of me!!   Have a good one!
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Entereing Bandster Hell...

All of my pains from surgery are behind me and I'm feeling good. I've not had any trouble eating from the beginning although I didn't have an appetite until this weekend. I gained 2 lbs this weekend from the solid food, but I guess that is normal. I'm not aloud to eat a lot of types of protein yet so I'm getting too many carbs. Wednesday I can add chicken and fish to my diet so that is going to help tremendously!!   I also need to get moving. I know I can't Jazzercise yet, but I can walk and work on my Wii. I need to make a committment and do that this week.   I have a support group meeting tonight, my first since being banded. It will be nice to be able to share some of my experience and to better understand some of what others will be sharing.   I'm sure Bandster Hell will get worse before it gets better. My first fill is a week from Friday. I just have to set my mind to "dieting" for a couple of weeks. That will be easier once I can eat meat and vegetables.   I can do it! Have a great week everyone!
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Definitely!

Although I haven't been banded, I attended my first support group meeting yesterday. The people there were amazing and gave me so much confidence that I'm making the right choice. I decided that it is full speed ahead!   My first doctor's visit is next Tuesday and honestly, I can't wait! I know that there are going to be frustrations and struggles. And I certainly know that not everyday is going to be rainbows and daisies. However, I will be DOING something. I am ready.   Since I'm self-pay, I wonder how soon I will be able to do it. I will certainly do anything that my doctor requires or suggests, but I suspect I won't have to go through months of anything like some insurances require.   I'm looking forward to meeting with the nutritionist. On every diet I've had, my goal was to figure out how I could eat as much as possible with the diet's calorie/fat/point/etc. limitation because I was always SO hungry. It is almost unreal to think that I would be able to eat a child's portion lunch and be satisfied. I have to reprogram my entire mindset!!   I've started the small bite and chewing process now. It is quite a bit harder than I thought, but I think it will help me to practice.   I'm crossing my fingers that I found out WHEN on Tuesday!!
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Day 1 of Trying to Prepare!

As I have mentioned previously, I have my first visit with the surgeon on Tuesday. I'm self pay, so I'm hoping to schedule the procedure as early as possible in 2010.   That said, I have been on a bender lately. I haven't been binging or anything like that, but I have been just eating whatever I want and I haven't been exercising a lot. I was holding steady at my "highest weight ever" through May of this year. Then, I quit smoking. Don't get me wrong...YAY! Completely quit. Done. Finito. However, the 15-20 pounds I have gained since then have just been horrible. I am uncomfortable like I have never been before. I am actually changing what I do because of my weight. Unacceptable!   But...when it comes to food, I think..."I better enjoy this since I'm not going to get it after I'm banded!" Bad! And when it comes to exercise, I've gotten to the point where my feet hurt, my knees hurt and I'm just so freaking out of shape. Pathetic! I have been Jazzercising regularly for 6 years...how is it even possible that I got to this point? By only going 1-2 times per week, apparently. I guess just paying for my classes doesn't actually contribute to keeping you in shape. Oops.   I stepped on the scale today and HOLY MOLY!! I am the biggest I have ever been. It's like everyday is a new record. I had had enough!   I came to work and had my bowl of cereal instead of a bagel. And we went to a salad place for lunch where I had a nice healthy veggie filled salad. Good me!   I had been back to work for 30 minutes after lunch and I was hungry. I tried to decide the ratio of stomach to head hunger. I made a goal to drink 16 oz of water and if I was still hungry in 10 minutes, I would have a 100 calorie pretzel snack. After the water and 10 minutes, I was still slightly hungry, but didn't feel my stomach was going to growl at any second. Yay for me not immediately eating more. It's a start! Although after another 20 minutes my stomach started to growl so I ate the pretzels. I ate each pretzel slowly one at a time and paused after each to assess my hunger. I also tried to take a big drink of water in between each pretzel (which I know you aren't supposed to do when your banded, so maybe that is the wrong strategy.)   I really want to try and learn to disguish the head/stomach hunger. I'm afraid that I will get banded and still be "hungry" all the time.   I know I'm not going to be perfect between now and band day. But maybe I can at least get started.   I KNOW that the band is not magic and it will still be hard after. But I just keep thinking that it will be a wonderful tool to help me make it less hard than it is now.   Keep on keeping on.
LoseIt!

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Day #9 - Liquid Diet

I defnintely got over my hump from yesterday, so YAY!! I'm so glad that I have stuck to it.   Since I have always been entertained by BG's poop stories, I have one of my own. Everything has been "regular" since starting my liquid diet. That is, until this morning. Whoa. Liquid in...liquid out. Blast off. Holy moly. Ahem. Anyway, I guess I have this to look forward to for the next few days. Fun times! Note to self: no quick toots in the file room! Not that I ever do that sort of thing. :thumbup:   I got my blood work today, so another things down. Just have to get my allergy shot today and go by the pharmacy for my post op meds.   Wow...it is really coming quickly! But I still have 5 more days of liquid, so it is okay that it is.   Have a super duper day!
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Day #8 - Liquid Diet

I hit a wall this morning! I thought I was going to barf if I had to eat another smoothie. But then I ate a smoothie and didn't barf, so now I feel like a champion. Ha! I feel like I broke through the wall and I'm on track again. I do feel more hungry today, so I'm not quite sure what's up with that. I KNOW I will work it out though.   I had my non-official "official" one week weigh in this morning and I am down 8.7 lbs. So yay! My goal for the two week liquid diet is 12 lbs, so I only need to lose (less than) half that this week to meet it.   I haven't cheated AT ALL. I'm pretty sure that I have never done that before...ever. I went to an event last night that had a buffet dinner. On my way, I drank 2/3 of a protein shake and had the rest a couple hours later on the way home. That's HUGE for me, people!   I have my monthly dinner with my girlfriends tonight. There are 6 of us and all but one know about my upcoming procedure. My friend in charge of picking the place this month chose a place with broth based soup so I can eat there. I love my friends. Three of them have slight problems with weight, but not like me at all. One is very active and a really good size. The other is a runner and very petite. We are all different, but we are quite tight.   I WILL be good today. I'm not thinking about anything but today. I know I can do it.   Have a great day everybody!  
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Day #7 - Liquid Diet

Although my CPAP is not yet completely effective (it will take another 20 pounds for that, I think), I'm feeling really great! Tomorrow morning is my one week weigh in and I know that I have done great, so far. I was thinking this morning that I wish this diet was only one week, but I know that if I can do one week...I can do two weeks!   I'm going to go have a popsicle. Have a great day everyone!   Oh - can anyone tell me how to make my ticker automatically insert itself when I post something? I'm not sure how to do that. Thanks!!  
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Day #7 - Healing

Hi everyone! I've been absent for a couple of days because I had been following the rule that if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. :bored: I knew from everything you all told me that the pain would pass, so I just waited it out.   I can't say you all didn't warn me...you totally did! I guess that since I have a high tolerance for pain, I thought I could handle it better. Plus, I don't think I expected it to last so long. They didn't really get bad until Day #4 and they lasted excruciatingly until Day #6. Alas, it is Day #7 and everything is tolerable. I am still quite uncomfortable, but I feel that it is downhill from here!   Food has turned me off since the surgery so I still have to force myself to eat the mushy stuff. I don't feel hungry at this point. I'm sure that once all the swelling goes down, I will be hungry again.   Tomorrow is my post op appointment and they will tell me what I can eat from here. I'm trying not to hope too much that I will be able to eat something new. :mad3: That would be super awesome though.   I have a girls group that goes to dinner once a month and we are getting together tomorrow. I would be fine to get soup and just eat the broth or get a smoothie on the way, but it would be so great if I can have flaky fish and mashed potatoes or something!   Hope as is well with you all!!
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Day #6 - Liquid Diet

So, it hasn't been quite as bad as I expected. Knowing that I only have 9 more days...there is a definitive end...makes all the difference. I obviously couldn't keep this up indefinitely. If I could, I wouldn't be in this situation!   My liquid diet consists of protein shakes twice a day and a bowl of soup once a day. I can fill in with sugar-free jello, pudding and popsicles. I have to say that I'm quite tired of jello, pudding and popsicles. :thumbup:   I'm still not very good at making my own protein shakes, so I tend to drink ready made or Smoothie King. I love Smoothie King's Chocolate Gladiator with berries, but I can't seem to replicate it yet.   I have lost 7.3 lbs. and I'm excited by that. I had gained around 15 lbs. over the holidays, so it would be nice to get at least most of that off before surgery. I have no doubt that the loss will slow way down now, but I still have 9 days. I plan to update my ticker once a week, so official weigh in will be Wed. morning.   I am so proud of myself for not cheating. Not even a little!! I have diet coke in my fridge and I don't even really miss it. What I do miss is Chipotle. Mmmm...Chipotle. I actually blame Chipotle for 30 of the 40 pounds I have gained this year. I love the stuff and I could never content myself with just a little bit. I'm hoping the band with help with that, but I know it might be something I have to stay away from for good. Only time will tell.   Things I still have to do before surgery: get my blood test, get my allergy shot, pick up meds at pharmacy, and grocery shop for the necessary post op diet. But I have a lot to keep me busy this week, like a NASCAR dinner at Texas Motor Speedway (that's right...I said it), "dinner" with friends, a couple of movies and some training at church. Plus, a couple of friends are going to get pedicures with me on the Monday before surgery to help keep my mind off it. Then mom comes in Tuesday night and Wednesday is surgery. It is going to be over and done with before I know it!  
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Day #3 - Healing

One more day down and getting better. I still have a lot of gas pain so I have been walking and I have taken the advice for using a heating pad. Maybe that will help. All in all, it is doable.   I took off the bandage on my belly button this morning to take a shower. Not pretty! I'm sure it will heal fine though. Just one other small incision and it looks like it is healing perfectly. The belly button incision stings a little more since being bared so I have some ice on it.   I had hot tea for breakfast this morning and it went down fine. Around 10:30, I had some protein powder in milk. It wasn't too bad, but I definitely like it better cold.   I love all the tips I'm hearing from you guys so if you think of something, bring it on!   I'm so fortunate to have my mom here helping me. I don't know how some of you all do it on your own. It is just so comforting and makes it easier to relax. We are going to have one more completely lazy day (except for the walking.) Tomorrow I'm going to try and make myself presentable for a trip to church. I think I should be able to do that. I have theater tickets for Sunday, so church should give me a good indicator if I will be able to do that. It is only a couple of hours. We shall see.   Have a great weekend everyone!
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Day #2 - Healing

Hi everyone! I am officially a bandster. Woo hoo!!   Mom flew in the night before and we briefly chatted and got ready for bed. I was really tired, but once I was in bed I was quite anxious so I took my $13 Valium. Next thing I knew it was morning.   We had to be at the surgery center at 6:45 so we were up and at it bright and early. We happened to walk in with my surgeon so I felt that was a good sign somehow. I was slated to go second for the day and I filled out my paperwork. They took the first girl back and it seemed just a few minutes later that they called me back. The nurses were super sweet as they prepped me. I had to give a urine sample before I had the surgery but I had to wait until the first girl was out of the bathroom. That took about 20 minutes, I think. Poor girl could never go so they brought her out to give her fluids and bumped me up a spot. Woo hoo!   I talked to the surgeon a bit. He's a feisty one. But I like that. I remember meeting the anesthesiologist (CA-UTE!) but nothing much after that. Next thing I knew I was in recovery. The nurse said that I did so great during my preop diet that my liver looked fantastic and the normally 45 minutes surgery took only 20! That made it all worth it.   I felt like I had been hit by a truck, but I was also feeling optimistic. I had to sit in post op for about an hour and I started to feel a bit better. As I was about ready to go the girl that got bumped came out of surgery and she was not having an easy time of it. I felt bad for her but it made me realize how well I was doing.   That was it and I was ready to go home. Mom drove me and I realized it was only 9:15. Wow. I was home three hours from the time I left in the morning. Crazy!   The day was long. I wasn't sleepy at all so a nap was out of the question. My mom kept me company and we watched mindless TV all day. I would move back and forth from the TV to the couch throughout the day. One thing I noticed is that I could lay on my side almost immediately. That surprised me, I took pain medication every four hours regardless of how I felt. I think that helped a lot. I also took a lot of GasX. It didn't seem to do much until late in the evening when I started to feel things moving in my tummy. I have been farting like a trucker ever since.   My throat hurt worse than I expected it to, my incisions hurt less than I expected to and my gas hurt about like I expected.   My friends at work sent me flowers which was super sweet. And I had a lot of friends and family members sending me good thoughts and messages.   I went to bed around 10 PM. I was able to cuddle a body pillow and sleep on my side. I slept quite well until 4:30 when I got up and took more pain medication. I went back to sleep and woke up around 8:00 to a text from my friend. (Side note: she recently had a break in, but is trying to hook up with the police officer that came by and I have been giving her pointers. She had just taken some thank you cookies to the station and needed some support. :thumbup: )   I still have gas today, but it has subsided quite a bit. Insicions hurt but only a little bit. My throat is almost all better. There is just a small cut on the top of my mouth from the breathing tube that is driving me crazy.   I have been drinking water like crazy. Yesterday I had grape juice, a popsicle and a tiny bit of chicken broth. No issues whatsoever. Today I have had more juice and I'm having hot tea now. I also took my birth control pill and had no issue. For lunch I will have some more chicken broth and for dinner I might get crazy and have some beef broth.   All in all...not a bad experience. Yesterday I felt like I got hit by a Mack truck, but today just a VW bug. Ha!   Hope you are all doing well out there!!
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Day #14 - Liquid Diet

This is it. This is the last day! So close!! YAY!     In my mind the process is broken down into steps: Waiting period - done.
Pre op diet - almost done!
Surgery
Healing
Weightloss
10% of weight lost (28.5 lbs)
50 pounds lost
75 pounds lost
Hit 200 (85 pounds lost)
100 pounds lost
Nutritionist goal (120 pounds lost)
Surgeon goal (135 pounds lost)
Adjusted goal TBD
[*]Maintenance I have no idea how long this all will take, but I do better when I have smaller obtainable goals. Getting through surgery is a biggie for me and that itself will be be done (probably) by this time tomorrow. Whoa. Ahem...anyway...   The only thing on my mind is to get through the surgery safely then start on healing. I consider the healing process to be from tomorrow afternoon through my first fill which is scheduled for 2/19.   I will give you all an update as soon as I can!
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Day #13 - Liquid Diet (Almost There!!)

I had a major smoothie meltdown over the weekend. I certainly don't hate smoothies, but I was at the point that I couldn't even think of one without gagging. I honestly didn't know that was possible. I didn't eat much on Saturday and I knew that wasn't healthy. I still felt that way yesterday, but managed to choke down a protein shake in the AM, but I ended up having a little less shake and a little more soup than I am supposed to have in the PM. I felt slightly bad for "cheating", but since the two soups together were actually less calories than some of the other soups I can have, I can't imagine that it caused too much damage. Plus, I feel much better today and know that I can finish out the diet from here.   I had a little bit of excitement this morning. I was talking to my mom about her flight in (she is helping me post surgery). She is coming in Tuesday evening and my surgery was Wednesday morning. Well, long story short, her plane ticket is for Wednesday evening, not Tuesday. Sigh. There was a lot of drama, but the airline switched her up and she is coming in Tuesday evening, just like she thought. YAY!   The surgery nurse called me today and I'm to be at the surgery center at 6:45 AM. I like that. I would rather get there early and get it over instead of waiting much of the day...especially since I have to fast. So, it is really starting to feel real. I thought I would be more freaked out, but I'm not. Yet, anyway.   My girlfriends are going to go get pedicures with me tonight so I'm not sitting at home thinking about it. They are awesome!   Wednesday morning will be the official end of my pre op diet and I will weigh in then, but as of this morning I am down 11.8 lbs. So, I think I will hit my goal of 12 lbs. lost on the pre op diet. I'm definitely proud of myself for that.   *** I want to thank you all for your support. I appreciate each and every response because it makes me realize how "not alone" I am. I can't even put into words what a difference it has made. ***   Have a wonderful day!!
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Day #10 - Liquid Diet

I had an interesting coversation with a friend the other day. She was the first person other than my mom that I told about my decision to have LB and she is very supportive. I was reminiscing about days long ago when I was smaller and I said something about having no idea what I would look like at 180 because i have never weighed that as an adult. Her eyes got wide and she said that she didn't think I looked 180 now. Ha! I'm currently 280. I love my friend, but I'm quite sure I don't look 180. She said that she thinks her husband is lying to her about how much he weighs since it isn't as much as me. I told her that he probably wasn't as I weigh more than most men I know including my dad (who is NOT a small man.)   That got me to thinking about my body type. I have been so fortunate in my life to always look like I weigh much less than I do. My weight is very evenly distributed over my body and I've always (well, until very recently) had a shape. The last area to really gain is my midsection. As I've gained this year into weights I have never been before, I have developed fat areas that I've never had. I now have a large belly and the dreaded intertube.   I have lost about 10 pounds on my liquid diet and I can tell a difference in my midsection. Although this area is smaller, I think I can tell that it is never going to be the same. Although I feel sure it would have only gotten worse, I am a little sad that I didn't start this process earlier.   Oh well, what's done is done. I'm quite sure that once I get to 180, I won't be disappointed!!
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Day #1

My smoothie this morning was great as usual, so no issues there. I even started my morning with some hot tea as recommended by the nutritionist and I really like how it cleared my throat.   About 10:30 I started getting hungry. At 11:00 I ate a sugar free jello cup which is allowed on the plan.   I told a friend that we could ride together to grab lunch. There isn't a Smoothie King by there, but there is a Jamba Juice so I decided to try it for the first time. I have to say that I was quite dissappointed. They had some good choices, but their protein powder is only 10g of protein. Not enough for my plan, but I decided to go with it this one time. I got a Mega Mango (all fruit) with the protein. I honestly almost can't drink it. It doesn't have much flavor and I can really feel the protein powder coat my tongue. It is going to take me 2 hours to eat the darn thing.   In the end, I guess it is a good thing. Won't be tempted by something that doesn't really fit in my plan.   I brought a jello cup and a pudding cup for afternoon snacks. I have theater tickets tonight so we are going to dinner somewhere I can get some soup and I have another pudding cup for dessert.   It will feel good to have one day on the books!! I'm hungry, but psyched up enough to keep on track.    
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Constipation & Craters

Hi all! So, I've started my new "night blogging". I think I can see why I did it in the morning. By the time you get to the end of the day, you are just ready to wind down!! One thing I do have to figure out is how I can have time to write, but also to read. I LOVE reading and responding to your blogs, so I will work on how I can do both.   First, constipation. Holy moly, do I have it. I have been taking Benefiber twice a day, but it just isn't working for me. I bought Miralax today and I'm trying that tonight. Tomorrow I'm going to invest in some Activia. I will keep you posted. Ha!   Second, my PCP referred me to an ENT for my throat issue. I feel sure that I have mentioned the disgusting issue I have with food getting stuck in the back of my throat. Well, I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow. When I talked to them on the phone, they said that it sounded like I have craters. Ha! How hysterical is that? Craters. Heh. I can't wait to hear more about that. Hopefully they can fix it though. I'm starting to get an ear ache from it!   Today, one of my best employees resigned. Sigh. She is excellent and has so much potential. She is the person I had planned to groom to lead the group. I'm sad because we are losing someone special. But I wish nothing but the best for her. It is going to mean some craziness for us. I feel sure that I'm not going to get to replace her so things should get super fun!! Wish me luck!!   Hope you all had a good Monday!
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Colts, baby!

I'm sitting here blogging and watching Colts preseason football. My life is SWEET! The only thing that would make it better would be a regular season game. :scared2: I LOVE football!!   Speaking of the Colts, I bought our plane tickets to Indy today. They went down almost $100 so I jumped on it. I also reserved the hotel so we are ready to go! It is hard to believe that I have a trip to Louisville, a visit from the parents, & a trip to New Orleans before that. Plus I trip to North Carolina to see my godson a couple weeks after that. Whew! Exhausting...but again, how awesome!?   Jazzercise was a good workout tonight. I used 8 pound weights tonight instead of 10. They felt pretty light which is a good sign. I had a little twinge in my back today and I wanted to baby it. But I still felt that I got in great strength training.   Tomorrow night we are going to a Bowling for Soup concert. They are my favorite band and I LOVE seeing them. I'm excited!   Have a great Friday everyone! I will be rocking out! :sleep:
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Close thy mouth.

I have been so excited over the last few days with my renewed committment. That is great! However, with my new excitement, I have been talking about it A LOT and I noticed that a friend of mine's eyes started to glaze over a bit. HA!! I'm not at all upset because she is SUPER supportive, but it does tell me that I need to close my mouth and show...not tell. :thumbup: That is what my blog is for!!   My fill went well yesterday. I typically go to the fill doctor, but yesterday my surgeon was the fill doctor. He did a great job! He told me that I looked very close to my sweet spot and he only added 1/10 cc. I told him that is what the other doc added last time and it really made a difference for about 7 weeks, then it just seemed to drop off. He is quite concerned about over-filling and I appreciate that. I told him I have been having acid reflux at night due to my allergies and I think that added to his concern. Hopefully this darn ragweed will go away soon and I can get back to normal. He also told me that I will not need to get a COMPLETE UNFILL for my tonsillectomy. His first reaction was that I wouldn't need to get any taken out, but then he thought about it a few seconds and said that I probably should, but half would be appropriate. That sounds good to me!   It is always interesting to me to listen to the other people getting adjusted. Fills at my doc are cattle calls. We are given time frames and then first come, first served. We are checked in and moved to a holding area where we wait for the procedure then return to that area post-procedure to drink water. I like the system and it gives people a chance to discuss the band with otheres. Kind of a mini support group...   I really do try not to judge, but it amazes me how differently people approach this process. There was a very sweet girl talking about eating dinner rolls at a restaurant and knowing it will make her sick and she says that she still does it. Over and over. She said that she has a love affair with food. She also says that she doesn't exercise, but I can't remember if she said why. It made me a little sad because if getting sick or having physical pain isn't a deterrant to bad choices, then I think she is going to have a really tough time. She is a super pretty girl that has about 150 pounds to lose. I truly hope she finds a good support group and something that can help her move forward.   My scale was down 2.2 pounds this morning. I know that isn't REAL weight loss for one day, but I don't care. Today, I'm going to strut around like I'm 2 pounds lighter!! HA! I have on a sassy White House/Black Market shirt that I bought several years ago when I was last small. I think it looks really nice!   Yesterday, I had two NSV moments. (They sure do seem to be flying at me from everywhere at the moment!!) First, I was talking to a friend (who also struggles with weight, but not nearly to the extent that I have) here just about everything. I told her that I'm just giddy from feeling so good the last few days. I feel like I have gotten a TON of compliments and things just feel so awesome. She said that she thinks that I crossed the threshhold from being fat to being "normal". I think she might be right. For a long while there, I was losing weight and it was noticable (and great!) But going from a size 24 to a size 18, while absolutely EXCELLENT is not something that is really understood by "skinny" minded people. Now that I have moved into "normal" range clothing (even though I'm still a fat person in my head), people see me as "normal" and that they recognize. Does that make sense? I think it will take a long time for me to adjust my thinking as I discussed in my entry yesterday. But I get that other people may not need that time to adjust.   The second NSV...I was walking out of work yesterday afternoon. As you go out to the parking garage from my building, there is a wall of mirrors that you face as you turn a corner. For so long, I would cringe or avoid looking at that wall of mirrors. Yesterday, I looked right at myself and I didn't cringe. I have a long way to go before I think I'm hot (ha!), but it is so lovely to be able to not hate my reflection.
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Check up all checked out!

I went to my PCP today for a routine check up. I have not seen him since my surgery and realized that he didn't even know about it. Oops! He was happy for me though and enthusiastic with my success.   Turns out that it was time for a tetanus booster. That should feel good tomorrow! Also, we discussed an issue I have been having with my throat. **gross alert** I get things stuck in the recesses of my throat and I have to dig them out with a Qtip. This is something that started about 2 years ago and it is getting worse. It feels like my throat is irritated all the time even though I'm not sick at all. He is sending me to an ENT doc and thinks they should be able to fix it easily. YAY!   He is also referring me to another sleep doctor so I can update my sleep study. It is probably time to make a change to my CPAP. Maybe by next year, I won't need it!!   My blood pressure is super! He also took my labs so I will be eager to see how my cholesterol and other numbers look. Hopefully they are look great and I can continue to be medication free! He even made a joke about how he wasn't giving me any medication and didn't know what to do. I love it!   Tonight I'm going to Jazzercise. Big shock, huh?! :thumbup: But it is extra fun tonight because a few friends are coming to class to support my BFF Cori who is a new instructor. Well, she has been instructing for about 3 months or so, I think. And she is already one of the best. She really was made for this and it makes for an excellent class! It will be a lot of fun! Plus, I don't usually go on Wednesdays so it is getting me an extra work out for the week. Jax will LOVE that!!   Thanks for all the super sweet comments on the pictures I included in my blog post yesterday. Sometimes I get discouraged that I'm still way into the 200s, but when I concentrate on how I look, it makes me feel better. I'm really hoping to break into the teens this week though which would be a BIG STINKING DEAL!! Just another few tenths to go...   Happy Hump Day, y'all!
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Changing perspectives.

I chose not to post my "Casual" pictures yesterday. It was because I didn't think they were very flattering so I considered retaking them today. But then I thought more about it and realized that even though I don't think they are as flattering as some, I still don't dislike them!   For years, I have hated having my picture taken because of my weight. I would work at getting a good angle, hiding in the back, or just avoiding the camera. Now, I don't hide at all. Sometimes the shot isn't my favorite, but I'm not embarrassed by it. And that makes a HUGE difference.   I realized that is quite a big milestone. And now I'm PROUD to post my pictures. I have the full body shots from the beginning, last month and current and the head shots from last month and current.   I will NOT HIDE anymore!
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7
 

Change is Hard...but Exciting!

I had my pre-op and nutritionist appointments this morning. I think I'm a little overwhelmed. I definitely started to panic on my way from the doctor to work, but I was able to get past it. I think I'm good to go now!   I'm starting my pre-op diet tomorrow. It is mostly a liquid diet. Two protein shakes and one serving of either broth based soup or cottage cheese. You can even have "chunks" in the soup. So that will be good. It is going to be super hard. I don't know why I thought it would only be one week of liquid diet. Oh well, maybe I will lose my holiday weight before I actually have the surgery. That would be excellent!!   I keep thinking about how ridiculously hungry I'm going to be. But then I think I can do most anything for two weeks.   I actually told several of my employees today. I wasn't planning to tell most of work, but we were discussing me been out and I was asked specifically what surgery I was having. I started talking about how it was stomach surgery, no big deal. But then I realized that I love these people so I just said, "well, I'm having LAP-BAND®®® procedure." They were all so happy for me (of course, I guess they work for me so it would be weird to trash me.) One of them has a daughter who had a band, but she had a lot of complications. She still said she thought it was a good idea and thought I would be good with it. That was a great feeling!!   So, now it is definitely not a secret. I'm okay with that. I just don't do secrets well.   I took my before pictures last night and they are beauties! Ha! I will post them soon.   That said...tomorrow is officially Day #1. Here I go!
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2
 

Change

Prior to my surgery, my friends and I wondered how life would change. My best friend, at almost the same time I made my decision to have the surgery, started her own journey to become a Jazzercise instructor. This girl is my best friend and the best friend I have ever had. In my heart, she is my sister. We are routine girls and planners. Our weekday schedule was almost always the same and weekends were left to plan fun things. When she told me she was going to become a Jazzercise instructor, instead of feeling excited for her as I should have, I was selfish and full of dread that our lives would change. I knew that this committment of hers would many times come before me and that made me sad.   A few weeks later, I told her about my decision to have LB. I think she went through many of the same emotions that I had with the additional ones of not knowing anything about LB and with that comes fear. Luckily, we had this conversation in November and my surgery wasn't until January. By the time I had my surgery, she was well on her way with her plans to become an instructor with my full support and I was full of knowledge of band life which I shared with her.   Here we are in April, I'm banded and living life and she is a real-life certified Jazzercise instructor. There have been a couple of times that she has been unable to do things because she has to teach, like last night for our monthly girls dinner. But that's okay. I know that she would have loved to have been there, but she couldn't. And she knows that next month, we will all be right here when she comes back.   One of the big worries that my friends had was that so much of my world revolved around food. How was I going to be happy with this new life? I completely understood their fears, but I knew I could only address them through time and experience. For instance, six of us have a monthly dinner group that I started in October 2004. Out of the 67 months since then, I think we have only missed about 5 or 6 months. Last night was one of those dinners. I definitely didn't eat what I would have normally eaten, either in the selection or in the quantity, but I had a wonderful time! Plus, I'm learning to try new things! Last night, I had some sort of cheese concoction with tortilla chips as an appetizer. It certainly wasn't lo-cal, but it was delicious! And I only ate about 1/2 what I normally would have. I had tamales for my main course and (of course) only ate about three bites before I was full. Now I have a yummy dinner to go home to tonight!   Today, my friends are going to lunch and my boss is picking up the tab. I am not going because I committed to work out today. A friend of mine that works in the building has expressed interest in working out and I'm trying to help her. I know that I could have told her that I have plans today and she would have been thrilled! Ha! But I also know that sometimes you need (and crave) a little accountability. So, even though I've done my two work out lunches this week, I will do another one today. I'm said that I'm missing lunch with my friends. BUT, we have an outing tomorrow and will be able to hang out together all day. AND, we have lunch with a former co-worker on Friday. Skipping one lunch in the grand scheme of things is not that big of a deal, but I can't tell you what a big accomplishment it is for me to do.   So in the end, my friend and I were worried about our lives changing. We were right that they would change, but we shouldn't have worried. We care about each other and will always make time for each other. It was just time to fit in some time for ourselves too.   P.S. She is an AWESOME Jazzercise instructor.
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2
 

Challenge is on!

I'm a part of a Yahoo group (Band Buddies) where I get emails from fellow bandsters. It is similar to LBT except communication is primarily through emails instead of forums and blogs. Many of the active members of the group are from my Support Group, so it is interesting to actually get to know them face to face. One member of the group is often setting up challenges for us to participate together. The newest is Onderland by the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl is on 2/06/11 which is almost 4 months away. I only have 12(ish) pounds to lose to get to Onederland, so I was hoping to get there by Thanksgiving(ish). Now...in order to LOSE 100 pounds, I have to lose 27 pounds. As many of you might know, my goal is to be there by 1/31/10 which is roughly a year from my surgery date. This challenge works perfectly!! So I have two Onederland (of sorts) challenges in one. Shrek was great!! If you like family friendly musicals, you will love it. Debi, my friend from group, and I went to Champp's before and had dinner. We even shared (between us we may have had 1/4) a dessert. One thing we talked about was the ridiculous portions. Both of our meals were easily 3 servings. And I'm not talking about "real" servings (probably 5 or 6), I'm talking about normal person real world servings. The sad part is that I could have easily eaten the entire plate pre-surgery...probably along with a salad and part of the dessert. Even though it kind of grosses me out now, I don't judge the people that clean their plates. Lord knows that without this band, I would most likely do the same thing. I'm just very happy that I stopped the madness and took control of my life. Only one more day and then another fun mini-vacation! Have a good one, y'all!
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2
 

Busy but good!

Wow, it has been quite a busy week. But vacation was SO FUN! My BFF Cori went with me to Indianapolis. She had a cold, but she was a trooper.   We flew in Friday afternoon and went to Circle Centre Mall. I went straight to the Colts store to stock up on gear. It is so frustrating because Misses fit XL is still too snug and most of the unisex shirts are too shapeless. Sigh. It was funny though because they didn't have a fitting room but the salesguy just told me to go try them on in the bathroom...in the bathroom of the mall outside the store. Ha! That felt very weird. Only in the Midwest... I ended up with a cute shirt I can wear now. It is unisex, but fits less boxy than most. And I also bought a Misses one to wear in a couple months when I KNOW they will fit! :thumbup:   Then we went for some Bazbeax pizza. If you are ever in Indy, I recommend it. Yummy! Then we met my friends at the Slippery Noodle to have some drinks and people watch. We talked for a few hours before calling it a night.   Saturday, after an AMAZING breakfast at Maxine's Chicken and Waffles (another Indy must) Cori & I drove over to Terre Haute for ISU Homecoming. I didn't really run into anyone I know so it was uneventful, but we did visit some old haunts which was fun. I also bought some gear at the bookstore and had the same issue I did at the Colts store. Not complaining, but I will be glad when I can fit in Misses sizes all the time. I know it is coming soon.   In the late afternoon we headed back to Indy and went to church. After we hung out at Champps to watch the disappointing Rangers game. Cori was feeling pretty bad so we just had some room service and turned in early.   Sunday was GAMEDAY!! We all met up and walked around Lucas Oil Stadium. We finally made our way up to the suite. There was some seating confusion, but it ended up being fine for the most part. I will say that if you are a rich person that is giving away seats for charity, you should probably make sure that everyone involved knows your wishes. Some people in this world are just entitled and mean. My friends are awesome, so we took the high road.   After the game (WE WON!!) we hung out in downtown Indy at different bars to watch the late afternoon games. After that, we had dinner and turned in early again. There was an American Legion convention in our hotel, so we were constantly surrounded by 70 year old men. That was funny! Sunday morning, after a half hour detour to Smoothie King, we made our way to the airport.   When we landed, I had to hurry to Ft. Worth for my fill appointment. I tell you, I HATE liquid days, but they certainly do jumpstart weight loss. In addition to finally dropping everything I gained after my unfill, I'm even down another half pound. Another half pound and I will be at another mini-goal!!   Last night I had dinner with my AOII little sis. We hadn't seen each other since 1996! You know that feeling you have when you are talking with someone and you just know you are supposed to be friends? That's what it is like for me with Shannon. She is amazing and inspiring. I'm so glad we reconnected.   Tonight it is back to Jazzercise. It has been a WHOLE WEEK since I have been. Bad me. But I'm ready to get back into the groove. After being on limited calories because of my fill and it being that time of the month...I could only get myself to run a mile and a half yesterday. I was slightly disappointed at first until I remembered that 4 or 5 months ago, I couldn't even run a mile. So, I will take it!!   It will be super to have a weekend at home! Plus, I'm getting my hair cut on Saturday and it needs it!!   Have a great day, y'all!
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