I wear jeans to work so I have a ton of them. 9 pairs, I think. Which seems crazy until I think about the fact that I literally wear them everyday. I remember a time when I didn't even OWN a pair of jeans!!
I have had to retire a few pairs this week and I noticed that others were getting a little baggy. Last night I was running early for my dinner with a friend, so I stopped by Cato. I am now the owner of 2 new pairs of size 14 jeans!! (And a $6 slim fitting size 14 skirt which is still a little snug...but $6! And I know it will fit in a few weeks!!)
I have gotten smaller a couple times in my adult life. I graduated high school around 185 and by the end of college I was 250. Around 1999, I got to 197 for a short time and in 2005 I got to 203 for a short time. Interestingly though, I don't think I ever bought size 14 jeans. I think 1999 was around the time I just didn't wear jeans and 2005 I didn't stay small long enough to get a proper fitting wardrobe. I know I won't be in these jeans long, but it is nice to know that this time it is because I will be heading for size 12s!!
I was trying to remember when I bought my current size 16 jeans and I think it was only a month or so ago. And I know that I didn't fit into the 14s at that time. I only lost ONE POUND in the last month, so it just goes to show you that you can't always go by the scale. :-)
I'm having such a feel good day! It is such a rush to wear something new and SMALLER!
I'm out tomorrow and the weekend for the NASCAR races getting my redneck on, so have a wonderful weekend, my LBT friends!!
Beth
Today is a new day, huh? I think I have finally gotten over my "I feel fat" phase. I feel very sure that another one will come eventually, but no worries now.
I had Group last night. I LOVE getting together with such a wonderful group of people. There are veterans, people at my level, and newbies. We share, share, share and it is FANTASTIC! I hope you all can find a support group near you. They honestly do have a tremendous effect!
I don't have much time today, so I will just update my spandex pics. So lovely. Ha! But I can tell the difference. I have attached one month ago and today. Plus I couldn't resist attaching one from the very beginning.
Have a super day!!
Well, I got the big haircut today. There were piles of hair everywhere! I would post a picture of the winning style, but I can't. My wonderful stylist of 15 years went rogue. Chop, chop, chop. After venting to my mom for 30 minutes and crying about it for an hour...I took a shower spruced up and starting looking at it objectively.
What I was originally seeing was just short hair. My mind was screaming "boy", "butch", and "soccer mom". Sigh. All of the pictures I had were of medium length. Short in the back but with the sides and top long so it was roughly all one length. What I got was short all over, just shy of a pixie cut.
I am proud of myself because I did express my displeasure and did get her to get rid of the scary "roundness" of it all. She did admit that she cut it too short on top, but I can't get too mad at her. She has been an AWESOME stylist for so many years. I think she may have been distracted today because she had to tell me she was dropping me as a client. I knew it was coming because she has been wanting to scale back. I wish she wouldn't have been so nervous about it... :-) Ha!
Anyway, now that I look at it, it is a cute cut. Just VERY short. Thank goodness I'm 75 pounds lighter and feeling better about my body. This cut last year would have put me in the looney bin, i think.
I tried to take a picture but I can't get a good one of myself. I will try and have someone take one on Monday.
I guess one silver lining is that it is going to inspire me to lose more weight just to stay confident with it. All in all, I wanted something different to emphasize my transformation and I got that. It certainly makes a statement. I'm determined to make that statement "I'm a confident and sassy woman!" and not "I hate my hair."
Have a great weekend!
Beth
Thanks for all the feedback yesterday! Two weeks from Saturday, I will have the cut. So, stay tuned, I'm sure there will be pics by October 18th!!
I watched the Biggest Loser last night. I know that it is the most realistic approach to weight loss seeing that we wouldn't have time to work out 8-10 hours a day. But I just love seeing what people can do.
The first thing that struck me is that I'm not sure if I could do a Biggest Loser work out! I work out a lot, but what they were doing was amazing. I was so proud of myself for jogging on a 5.0 incline yesterday for 30 seconds. She was having them at a 7.0 incline for longer!! I realize they are puking and I don't push myself to that point, but it is still amazing what you can do if someone is pushing you and you are receptive.
Second thing that struck me was when one of the guys had a bit of a breakdown and he questioned how he had gotten there. That really struck home for me.
I grew up "the fat girl." Looking at the pictures from my past, I wasn't that big. Even my dad said to me that when he looks back at old pictures he doesn't remember me being that small. I think part of it was that I weigh heavy. I was roughly the same size as some of my friends, but I weighed a good 20-30 pounds more than they did. That remains true today. My mom & I are wearing the same size clothes (for the most part), but she weighs over 40 pounds less than I do. So I think that we had a mindset from the beginning that I was FAT, when maybe I wasn't really.
Then I think we (I) became so focused on it. I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting in 4th grade. At the time, I just wanted to be smaller, but in retrospect, there were probably better ways to focus my attention. I was on NutriSystem in high school and I consistently snuck food. My parents found out and (rightly so) got angry for wasting money. I just felt like a big, fat failure.
I remember going to fast food restaurants with my family and my brother ordered french fries, but I couldn't. Now I wonder if I really wasn't allowed to, or if I just felt too guilty (fat) to order them. I honestly do not know.
When I got to college, I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. However, my Freshman year I didn't have a car and I walked all over the place, including to my job which was several blocks away from campus. My sophomore year I had a car, but by December I had moved into the Sorority quad which in my case meant a 4th floor walk up! I think walking those 3 flights of stairs multiple times a day kept me in check through the end of my junior year. My senior year I moved off campus. I was only a block away from where I was before, but it was on the first floor and instead of walking to classes, I drove. It was ridiculous and I'm quite sure that I gained 40-50 pounds that year.
I entered college around 185 and I left college around 250. I fluctuated between 200 and 260 for 13 years until I decided I had enough. I have been to Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. I have worked out, taken pills prescribed by the doctor and over the counter. I have done Atkins and South Beach. But nothing worked or it did for a little while until I couldn't stay at it. In November 2009 I weighed a whopping 285 pounds. I weighed more that my (hefty) dad.
It was hard at the time to see how I got there, but now it doesn't matter. I have a tool that actually works for me! I am working hard, but I'm successful! I have another 6-12 months of weight loss to go, but I'm not at all intimidated by that. That's a first!
For the first time, I'm in control! And it feels darn good. I'm over 70 pounds down since January and I fully expect to be under 200 by Thanksgiving! I would like to have lost 100 pounds by 1/31/10. Even if I don't make every goal, I'm going in the right direction and THAT is enough to keep me moving!!
Anyway, I was a little "rambly" today, but The Biggest Loser will do that for me. Have a great day, y'all!!
Jax, my new Body Bugg, came today. YAY! I can't wait to get home tonight to get it all hooked up and ready to go. I have PROMISED myself that I will do a few productive things before I start. Ha!
I fully expect this thing to make me lose 30 pounds in the next 3 months! Just kidding! I know it won't do the work for me, but wouldn't it be nice?
Yesterday was my 2nd full day of logging calories consumed. I worked SO hard and what was my reward?? No movement on the scale. It must be broken. Surely if I'm doing something I don't want to be doing, the earth would shift, the heavens would shine down on me and I would get what I want, right? Apparently, the universe begs to differ.
Off to do some work. I will post some pictures of me and Jax tomorrow.
It is roughly 3 months post op. I had my surgery on 1/27, so I track my weight and measurements at the end of each month.
My ladybug is certainly on the move! I officially lost 8.8 pounds last month.
I certainly look forward to measuring this weekend. I hope that the exercising is paying off!!
Hope you all have a great weekend!
One more day down and getting better. I still have a lot of gas pain so I have been walking and I have taken the advice for using a heating pad. Maybe that will help. All in all, it is doable.
I took off the bandage on my belly button this morning to take a shower. Not pretty! I'm sure it will heal fine though. Just one other small incision and it looks like it is healing perfectly. The belly button incision stings a little more since being bared so I have some ice on it.
I had hot tea for breakfast this morning and it went down fine. Around 10:30, I had some protein powder in milk. It wasn't too bad, but I definitely like it better cold.
I love all the tips I'm hearing from you guys so if you think of something, bring it on!
I'm so fortunate to have my mom here helping me. I don't know how some of you all do it on your own. It is just so comforting and makes it easier to relax. We are going to have one more completely lazy day (except for the walking.) Tomorrow I'm going to try and make myself presentable for a trip to church. I think I should be able to do that. I have theater tickets for Sunday, so church should give me a good indicator if I will be able to do that. It is only a couple of hours. We shall see.
Have a great weekend everyone!
I was having a very "is this really the right answer??" sort of day. I'm freaking out about the pre-op diet. I'm worried I won't be ready to come back to work when I need to. But most of all I feel fat. I stopped and thought about it and realized it has been almost 2 weeks since I posted to my blog. I realized that I just need to take some time and figure out what is REALLY bothering me.
What is really bothering me is that I feel fat. I tried on a pair of fat pants this morning and they were too small. So I had to wear my fatter fat pants. Sigh. I feel guilty, because I should be eating better in anticipation of this life change, but so much of me wants the tastes of things that I'm going to have to give up. I know I can do this when it is time. I'm very good about sticking to it when I have made that decision. But I just can't get myself to do it now. That's when I realized it...I want to do this now. I want to do this so much and I can't seem to do it on my own.
My banding date is still 56 days away. I know I had no choice (financially) but to schedule it in 2010. Since I'm a corporate controller, I had to schedule it after the year-end books were closed which puts me at the end of January. So, I had no choice and that is that.
56 days... Of that I will be spending 8 in Louisville with my family. I have two nephews and a niece, so I feel sure I won't have much time to dwell on much of anything!! :wink2: That leaves 48. I have 3 sets of theater season tickets (yes, I have a slight addiction) so 5 nights between now and then, I have wonderful shows to see! 101 Dalmatians tonight, next week is Christmas with the Rat Pack, the following week is South Pacific and I have August: Osage County and a Broadway "spoofish" show in January. Each of those days, I have something FANTASTIC to look forward to!
That gets me down to 43 days. I have two LAP-BAND® Support Group meetings and my pre-op appointment. That leaves 40 days! I have 4 parties in December (including one I am hosting!) and a trip with friends to the Gaylord Texas ICE exhibit. Also, some friends from work and I are going to volunteer at an assisted living facility one day which will be fun. I should probably throw New Year's Eve in there too! I'm now at 36 days.
If I really think about it, I will be on my pre-op diet for 14 days and even though it is going to be super hard I will be DOING something that is moving me toward my goal.
All of that gets me to 22 days. That seems more reasonable. I can get through 22 days! And during that time, while I may not be "dieting", I'm doing things that will help me later. Like I've been trying new protein sources, especially liquids. I have also experimented with not drinking while eating. I'm cutting down on Diet Coke. I was drinking 7-10 a day and I'm currently at 1-5 per day. I will get there! I'm also trying to find non-caffeinated drinks that I like. I am researching how to cook, what to order at restaurants, & what I will need to moderate/give up completely/learn to like.
So, I guess I am doing okay! Whew.
:biggrin:
I am now two months post op. This month I lost 7.4 lbs, for a grand total of 29.4.
This month I reached one of my early goals of losing 10% of my body weight. YAY!!
Later this week, I will retake measurements, so that should be interesting!
I lost around 10 pounds on my preop diet. My goal has been to average 10 pounds lost per month. Jan-10 pounds preop, Feb-12 lbs., March-7.4 lbs. Not too bad!!
I will have new pictures in a couple of weeks so that will be great to see as well.
Have a great Easter!!
It has been interesting to me to realize that I'm not scared of the food regimen. I know it will be no picnic and there will be times that I will be so frustrated I won't see straight, but I also know that is what I need.
What is making me nervous is more medical. I have narrowed it down to three main issues.
1. I'm concerned that I will always be thinking of this foreign thing inside me. I was at Jazzercise the other day doing crunches and I wondered if I would be able to do the same thing with the port. I know people have run marathons and such after being banded so I feel sure there isn't any exercise restriction once healed, but it is something I need to know. I have to be sure that I can be okay with living with this. I have a small fear that I will end up doing NOTHING because I will be so nervous about messing up my band.
2. Lap band seems relatively new and I'm concerned that we don't fully know the long term effects. What happens 20 years from now?
3. What if I mess up and have to go to the hospital? I think I'm quite responsible, but it seems that you can't always control everything. I'm concerned that something will get stuck and I will have to go to the hospital where they know very little. I'm concerned that I will do something stupid (like eat the wrong thing or too much) and it will kill me.
I have my initial meeting with doctor in a couple of weeks and will ask him about these things. But I was interested to see what you all have to say?
I know that without a doubt, doing nothing will lead me to bad health and sadness. I start feeling guilty because I "should" just diet already and lose the weight I need to lose. But I've tried numerous times with varied success and I know that in the long run I can't do it on my own.
Everyday I feel more and more confident that LB is the right choice for me. I just have to get myself right with my concerns.
This morning a stranger in the elevator told me that my outfit was cute. Today I'm wearing a denim dress that I bought in 2006 when I was thinner. I think it is cute too, so I kept it. It is kind of short, so I paired it with some brown leggings and some brown beaded sandals. When I left the house I felt cute, but I was also nervous because I was taking a risk. I normally dress in jeans or pants and a shirt...quite conservative. The outfit I have on today says "I'm trying to look cute" and there was a piece of me that was afraid that I had failed. One little comment from a stranger and I feel great! I did try to look cute today and I succeeded. :bored:
I hope you all have a great day too!
This morning has been an interesting one for me. I have talked on my blog about how emotional I am and how I have been working on keeping things in perspective. I think in day to day activity, I'm doing a good job, but I still have a way to go.
Let me give you some history: I have been overweight all my life. I remember thinking I was fat as early as first and second grade. My nickmame in fourth grade was Buffalo Butt. Nice, huh? My first weightloss memory (real or manufactured...) was going to a Weight Watchers meeting with my mom in fourth grade and weighing 144 lbs. I feel like I've been on a diet ever since.
I love my mom. In fact, there is no one on earth I love more than I love my mom. My mom was always "normal" sized, but was almost consistently on a diet while I was growing up. My mom grew up in a household where her father expected perfection from her. She & Dad truly strived not to be that way with my brother and me. They just wanted what was best for us.
They wanted me to be healthy and happy, so they helped me try and lose weight. They took me to Weight Watchers which helped when I was actually doing it. They took me to Nutri System in high school and after a week or two I was sneaking food on the side. They found out and were really mad at me. In retrospect, I understand that they spent a lot of money (that we didn't really have) to do this for me. At the time, I felt I let them down because I stayed fat.
I was a food hoarder. I would eat normally in front of people then binge when I was by myself. I remember when I was young (maybe third grade?) I dipped a big tablespoon of peanut butter in sugar and started eating it. I knew it wasn't good for me, but it was tasty! I was in the living room and I heard my parents coming so I hid it under a piece of furniture. They found it and yelled at me. I feel quite sure that they were yelling at me because it is disgusting and gross to leave food around and it would attract mice and pests (which we had issues with anyway in our pre-1900 house.) I just heard them yelling at me becaue I was a disgusting fat pig.
Every time my mom tells me I look thin or that I have lost weight, I soar! When my mom mentions that I look like I have gained weight (or she asks if I have gained weight), I get physically sick to my stomach. It has always been that way, but I'm just now starting to tell her when that happens. She thinks I'm being silly, and objectively, I probably am.
I talk to my mom every morning during my commute. Every morning, I cheerfully tell her how much weight I have lost. I'm typically up a little on Mondays, but not much. Yesterday, I knew I was going to eat popcorn and I told my mom. She gets a little hitch in her voice when she says "okay" that makes me feel guilty. I was up today and I kid you not when I tell you I was in the shower this morning rehearsing what I was going to tell my mom. Sigh. I'm 36 and sometimes I'm 12.
According to rehearsals, I was supposed to cheerily say that I was up a pound that I felt confident would be gone tomorrow. Instead, I told her that I don't share gains with her, only losses. She started laughing and said that I must have gained a lot because I tell her when it is a pound. (I want to step in a second and say that I truly do not believe that she was laughing AT me or trying to be insenstive. My mom loves me ridiculously so and would never intentionally hurt me under any circumstance.) My face and body started to get hot and I could feel myself tense up. I told her that it hurt me that she was laughing at my weight gain. She tried to explain that she laughs at herself all the time. I was so wrapped up in my anger that I almost hung up with her. Crazy! But I was able to change the subject and we moved on.
When I got to work, my friend Liz approached me and said that she messed up. I had set up a birthday party for my friend Cori and had invited Liz, but not another work friend. Liz had mentioned the party to our other friend and other friend was hurt. To be truthful, it really wasn't something that was done intentionally. Neither Liz nor other friend has ever been invited to Cori's birthday party, but right at the time I was doing the invitation, I think Liz was on her mind so she said to invite her. It certainly wasn't an act of meaning to NOT invite other friend. In my mind, other friend is in a bad place right now and she is interpreting everyone's actions as something AGAINST her when in reality, that's not the case. I was actually that way last year, before I got my life on track. I realized that NOTHING anybody else said or did truly made a difference to me inside. If I loved myself, everything else would work itself out.
That brings me back to my mom. I am so unbelievably fortunate to have my mom. I can't even list off all of the wonderful things she has done and continues to do for me. Nothing she does or says is meant to hurt me. If fact, I have no doubt that my mom would lay down her life for me. I have 35 years of demons to work through. I feel like I have gotten through a lot in 6 months, but it is still going to take some time to get through the rest. Occassionally, my feelings are going to get hurt through no fault of anyone's. But as long as I realize that I control the situation and it is I who decides my emotions, I will be able to move forward.
I have have nightmares on occassion of a 5th grade me on a bus where kids are chanting BUFFALO BUTT! I have dreams all the time where people make comments that I'm fat. It is my achilles heel. But I'm doing something about it! At 60 pounds lost, which I should hit sometime this week, I will be halfway to my goal. Take that Amber Melvin from 4th grade! Take that mean, mean Debbie on the school bus!
But most of all, TAKE THAT BETH! I am my own worst enemy, but this time is different. This time there is no self sabotage. This time there is no letting myself get caught up in the enormity (pardon the pun) of it all. This time, I'm not just losing weight...this time, I'm changing my life.
Mom, I thank God for you and dad everyday. I love you.
I realize that even after losing over 60 pounds in 7 months, I'm not going to feel "skinny." I have at least another 60 pounds to go and I also realize that even skinny chicks have their fat days. So, I'm just going to wallow a bit in my fat day.
Yesterday my feet were killing me. I have had MUCH less trouble with my feet as I have lost weight. At the height of my weight gain, I could barely get through a normal day of work in crocs or tennis shoes. Now, I am careful with the shoes I wear, but I can wear "normal" shoes to work and I work out regularly. My feet ache some, but I think that is normal. However, yesterday, it was like I was back up to 285. :cool:
They hurt throughout the day. At the end of the workday, we received an email that the elevators were not functioning. We were told that we could use the service elevator, but there is only one. The service elevator is the slowest form of transportation on the planet under normal circumstances. For it to service all 22 floors, it would take me an hour to get to the lobby from the 18th floor! I had to get to Jazzercise, so I took the stairs. I have to say that it wasn't as bad as in the past when we have had to do fire drills, so that's a plus. But my legs were a little jello-ish at Jazzercise.
My feet hurt so bad at class, I feel like I was at 50-60%. I don't think walking the stairs was the cause since they hurt throughout the day, but I'm sure it didn't help. I was SO internally cranky during that class. I was picking fights with people in my head to the point I had to physically shake it. [sidebar: Do you all do that? I often times find myself picking fights or having arguments in my head. For instance, if I know that I'm going to tell my boss something he isn't going to like, I have the worst case scenario conversation in my head. It drives me crazy! I'm getting better about not doing that, but I certainly did it last night!]
I went home and did all the things with my feet that I am supposed to do. They feel a lot better today and I tried to pick out a pair of comfortable shoes. No Jazzercise today, but I'm planning to workout at lunch. I think I will choose the ellypical or the bike so I can limit impact on my feet. Then, because I am a glutton for punishment, I plan to walk down the stairs at the end of the workday. That is my punishment for wallowing in my fatness. :laugh:
Oh well, tomorrow is another day!!
Another month gone by! In some ways, it is hard to believe that it has been over 7 months since my surgery. In other ways, it just seems like it could've been a few weeks ago!
I was only slightly dissappointed when I realized that my loss for the month was 4.8 pounds. I mean pre-surgery, that would have been a really big deal! It is 60% of my monthly average. So the irritating portion of my brain says that isn't enough, but the other portion (the one that I CHOOSE to listen to) says that I should be proud of myself. I hit a plateau this month and instead of quitting in discouragement, I hit it head on. I learned a lot about myself and my body and I got myself back on track. THAT is the difference between me NOW and me BEFORE. I like it!!
That little lady is on the move! :tt2:
Today, I took my monthly measurements which I take in 13 places (neck, upper arms, wrists, bust, waist, belly, hips, thighs, calves). I am absolutely thrilled that I lost 11.25" this month. I have been tracking weight loss/measurements for eight months to include my preop diet. In those eight months, this is the 3rd most inches lost, but the LOWEST pounds lost. That just goes to show how important it is to measure!! It sent me from "not being disappointed" to being "absolutely thrilled." :thumbup: YAY!
I have to go sit through some boring CPE webinar. Boo! Talk to you all later!!
I hit a wall this morning! I thought I was going to barf if I had to eat another smoothie. But then I ate a smoothie and didn't barf, so now I feel like a champion. Ha! I feel like I broke through the wall and I'm on track again. I do feel more hungry today, so I'm not quite sure what's up with that. I KNOW I will work it out though.
I had my non-official "official" one week weigh in this morning and I am down 8.7 lbs. So yay! My goal for the two week liquid diet is 12 lbs, so I only need to lose (less than) half that this week to meet it.
I haven't cheated AT ALL. I'm pretty sure that I have never done that before...ever. I went to an event last night that had a buffet dinner. On my way, I drank 2/3 of a protein shake and had the rest a couple hours later on the way home. That's HUGE for me, people!
I have my monthly dinner with my girlfriends tonight. There are 6 of us and all but one know about my upcoming procedure. My friend in charge of picking the place this month chose a place with broth based soup so I can eat there. I love my friends. Three of them have slight problems with weight, but not like me at all. One is very active and a really good size. The other is a runner and very petite. We are all different, but we are quite tight.
I WILL be good today. I'm not thinking about anything but today. I know I can do it.
Have a great day everybody!
I don't usually post on the weekends, but I had to today. My scale read 234.2! That means I am down 50.8 pounds. YAY!!!
I am so very excited. 50 pounds in 150 days!! I realize that I have a way to go, but this is such a big goal. I just have to stop and take a moment.
Have a great weekend!
I defnintely got over my hump from yesterday, so YAY!! I'm so glad that I have stuck to it.
Since I have always been entertained by BG's poop stories, I have one of my own. Everything has been "regular" since starting my liquid diet. That is, until this morning. Whoa. Liquid in...liquid out. Blast off. Holy moly. Ahem. Anyway, I guess I have this to look forward to for the next few days. Fun times! Note to self: no quick toots in the file room! Not that I ever do that sort of thing. :thumbup:
I got my blood work today, so another things down. Just have to get my allergy shot today and go by the pharmacy for my post op meds.
Wow...it is really coming quickly! But I still have 5 more days of liquid, so it is okay that it is.
Have a super duper day!
When I visited my surgeon, he said that he felt that with hard work, I shoud get to around 145 lbs. I laughed out loud...with disbelief and delight.
I currently weigh around 275 which is more than my dad. And my dad is a hefty dude! I gained quite a few pounds this year, about 15-20 from quitting smoking and 5-10 from being lazy. My "normal" weight is around 250.
My lowest point which I hovered around for a few months two different times (once in 2000 and the other in 2006) was 200. I felt downright hot at those points! I was wearing clothes from "normal" stores. I really felt that I looked good, but I just couldn't stay there.
In college, I was right around the 200 mark as well. In high school, I remember lying on my driver's license that I was 155, but I was really 165-170. By the time I graduated, I think I was around 180. I found some high school sennior pics the other night that I have posted to this entry. I remember thinking that I was SO fat, but at this age, I think I look great!
If I were to get to 175 (100 lbs. lost) and maintain it for the rest of my life, I think I could be quite content.
But before I make that goal, I'm going to make the goal of the doctor's goal of 145. Maybe with the right help, confidence and focused work, I can get to that weight and maintain it.
I'm willing to keep my mind open and set small goals as I go. I don't want to frustrate myself or set too lofty goals, but I also don't want to close my mind to an amazing possibilities.
Shortterm goals for now...but the mind stays firmly open!!
This might not be a very fun blog entry to read, but I felt it was one I needed to write so I could see it for myself. I keep saying that I want to be healthy, so what does that mean to me? Once I wrote it, I looked at it before I posted it. Wow. I need this surgery. I need help so I can get and stay healthy. Thank you all for existing so I have somewhere to do this.
SLEEP. About 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Once I got used to my CPAP machine, I had the best nights of sleeping that I had in my life! Then I gained 40 lbs. It certainly didn't happen all at once, but it's like I noticed it all at once. I can feel that my machine is not effective any longer. I am exhausted all the time. I yawn constantly. I remember being like this before I got my machine. While I could go make appointments and get another sleep study and get it all changed (about 60-90 days), my hope is that in the next 3-4 months, I will lose the 25 or so lbs that will make the machine effective again. My ultimate goal would be to get off the machine altogether!!
Acid Reflux. I take two Nexium a day. I have terrible reflux that my doctor has indicate would lessen considerably with weight loss. All the research I have seen indicates that people who suffer from acid reflux benefit greatly from the effects of the LB. I would love to be able to take only one a day with no flare ups. It would be super great if I didn't have to take it at all!
Blood pressure & cholesterol. My blood pressure is mostly fine, but I had a period earlier this year when it was high. I took medication for one month and it seemed to lower and I was able to go off. My cholesterol is hovering near the elevated area. My goal is to NOT have to get on medication for these things!
Skin. I've noticed that as the heavier I get the more issues I have with my skin. I know part of that is nutritional and that will help alone. Part of it is that I am less flexible and it is harder to clean and moisturize in every area. Gross and sad, but true. By being able to reach everything, and areas not being "lost" under flab rolls of skin, I think my overall skin will be much better!
Feet. My feet hurt constantly. I honestly believe that I'm just trying to carry to much weight. I used to be able to exercise and then ice them, but I can't even do that anymore. I'm actually wearing flector patches during the day just so I can do normal walking. I should be at least able to do normal walking and low impact aerobics without ridiculous pain. I'm hoping for high impact aerobics, but I will settle for low if that is all I can get!
Knees. In the last year, I noticed that as I exercised, my knees started to really hurt. No question in my mind that if I were carrying less weight, this would not be a problem at this point.
Energy. I think this goes along with sleep, but since I'm not able to exercise, I just have no energy whatsoever. I'm sleeping 9-10 hours per night and it just doesn't feel like enough. I remember when I was exercising 7 hours per week. I was bouncing off the wall with energy!
Anxiety. Yes, it would nice to be thin for looks. But mostly, I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. i didn't have any physical reactions to anxiety, but then I was like a volcano. I have it under control, but it would be nice to not have it at all. I feel that with weightloss, I will feel more comfortable and in control. With that, I feel that my anxiety will lessen.
Comfort. Speaking of comfort, it would just be nice to be able to sit down in a chair and not be concerned if it is sturday enough. It would be nice to sit in a plane without being concerned that the person next to me is hating life because they are stuck next to a fat person. It would be nice for my nephews and neice to not innocently say things about how big/squishy/fat etc. their aunt is.
I said to someone the other day, "The more you love yourself, the easier you are to love by those who love you." I believe that and I want to make it easier for my family and friends to love me. I want to LOVE myself. ALL of myself!!
I am ready for my new life.
Good morning everyone!
Last night I was still not to my pre-Chinese fighting weight. I was beyond frustrated and quickly coming to the realization that a little Mandarin chicken is NOT going to have that LONG of an effect. When I don't know what in the heck is going on, I go to the numbers.
Accoring to Jax (as many of you know, Jax is my BodyBugg), I should have lost roughly a pound this week thus far...give or take. Seeing that I have only lost two tenths, that is A LOT of TAKE!
I went back further. Last week was my overfill, allergy, emergency unfill debacle. I lost 4.4 pounds last week. Well...according to Jax, I should have only lost 2.3 pounds last week. So at the end of last week, my scale was 2 pounds "ahead", which I'm sure was an effect of dehydration from the overfilled period.
Meaning, I would have to gain 2 pounds this week for me to "break even". Make sense? The fact that I'm down AT ALL is a sign that I'm having a great week! This is why I'm glad I spent the money to buy Jax. I would have been very frustrated this week to work so hard and be at a standstill. However, he has given me the INFORMATION to make me realize what is going on with my body.
Goal track: I still have 2 pounds to lose by next Thursday to reach my mini goal of hitting 210 by my New Orleans trip. But I'm still well on track with my semi major goal to be 199 by Thanksgiving and the major goal of losing 100 pounds (185#) by 1/31/11.
New stuff: I was a little less creative today. I have on an old shirt, but this is the first time I have worn it. I bought it about 5 years ago on the way up. It was tight at the time, but it was on sale. :thumbup: Plus, just a few pounds and I could fit into it! Haha! Anyway, now it looks quite nice. I also have on my new black flats. They aren't fancy, but everyone needs a basic pair of black flats! My jeans are a size 18 and it is apparent that it is time to retire them. I have 9 pairs of jeans (keep in mind that I wear jeans to work) and over the last 2 weeks, I have had to retire 5 pairs! I think if I try on a 6th pair, they will have to go as well. Looks like someone is going jeans shopping!!
Have a wonderful, wonderful Friday! And a safe and happy weekend!!
I have been having trouble with my internet connection and accessing this site the last few days. I just noticed that my blog entry from yesterday didn't actually make it to posting. It was brilliant too, I tell you. Brilliant! :rolleyes2:
Anyway, I lost another 1.5 lbs this week which was really good because I had GAINED 3 lbs early in the week preceding my fill. 3 lbs! That is nuts. I got my fill on Friday though and all is well. Being on liquid for two days really jumpstarts the weight loss. YAY!
My first fill was great. My surgeon has all the newbies have the first fill together. It was a little mini support group and I got to hear a lot of different experiences. The fill itself did not hurt at all. Plus, I got a Scooby Doo bandaid. Excellent!
Tonight is my first night back to Jazzercise. That should be interesting! I had excellent intentions of walking or working out on my Wii prior to getting back to Jazzercise. Didn't happen. Not even remotely. I just need structure to exercise. I hate that, but at least I have found something that works. I'm sure I will whine for the next few weeks, but in the end I will feel great!
I want to lose this weight and I think for me, exercise along with the healthier diet is the key. I want this, so I am committing myself.
I hope everyone is having a great week!
My attitude has done a 180 today and there are MANY reasons for it.
1. My three point plan I discussed yesterday which included logging food and exercising more. Planning alone helps me get out of the dumps.
2. My support group meeting last night which was AWESOME! If you aren't currently attending a support group, I would suggest that you try and find one. Mine only meets once a month, so it isn't a huge committment and it never fails to lift me up. I learn something every time. When I first started, I didn't think that I NEEDED to be part of a support group, but going was one of the best decisions I made.
3. Updated pics...I'm not sure how much difference you can REALLY tell, but I think it is something. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to get my pictures to upload (it says they are too big) so I will have to figure that out.
4. I implemented part of my plan and used the elliptical machine in aerobic mode for 20 minutes. [sidebar: I forgot how much I sweat. Bringing a towel, soap, deoderant and a change of underwear would have been a good plan. Oops! Tomorrow.]
5. I received an email & a text from two wonderful new friends I met at suppor group. How nice is that??
After work, it is off to Jazzercise. Then I have a meeting with the sales guy at 24 Hour Fitness to start the personal trainer part of my plan.
Week #1 of my 8 week Jumpstart! Here I go!!
I've been working hard for the last year and especially the last six months to stop making things "all about me." Meaning, I would not analyze what so-and-so meant by saying "blah blah" because most likely, it had nothing to do with me. I used to be very defensive and analyzed EVERYTHING! I've been working to change that about myself. Mainly because I found that when I was sad or upset, I turned to food. If I could stop getting sad or upset about things...turning to food wouldn't be an issue.
Today I feel myself wallowing in that old pattern. Just now I started to write down the 2 or 3 things I'm obsessing over and they looked SO silly in writing that I deleted them.
I'm glad I have this forum to write out my thoughts so I can just let them go. Everyone has bad days, but I want to focus my life in a way that creates more good days than bad.
My life is blessed and so happy! Just because not everyone does exactly what I want to do when I want to do it...
Tonight is my first night back (in 4 weeks) with my personal trainer. I better get it all out by then or he will beat the whiny out of me!!
Have a good one!
This morning I weighed in for my weekly Monday official weight and I was the exact same weight I was this time last week. Normally, I would be SO UPSET! But not today. Today, I know that I most likely lost over a pound this week, but I'm still dealing with the havoc put upon my body from being sick. Last week, I "lost" 4.4 pounds according to the scale, but I know if reality, it was more like 2.4. This week it says ZERO, but I know it is more like 2. So, PFFFFFFFFFFFFT to you scale! I have the power now!! And now that I'm back on track, things will be back to normal. I win.
I won't be able to reach my goal of being 210 before my trip to NOLA, but it was an aggressive one. I have 8 1/2 weeks to lose 13.20 pounds to reach my Thanksgiving goal. That one I'm determined to reach!!!
I had a nice relaxing weekend before my whirlwind October begins. Despite the rain on Saturday, it cleared up enough for us to have a couple good hours at the drag races in Ennis. Boy, those cars are LOUD!
Sunday, after I spent an hour at church with my stomach growling virtually the ENTIRE TIME (I really need a fill...), we went to breakfast at the Original Pancake House. I had some egg concoction. It was good, but I think I prefer IHOP. Then I went bargain jeans shopping. At Kohl's, I bought a pair of SIZE 14s!!! They are Gloria Vanderbilt and they tend to run big, but STILL...SIZE 14! No "W" after it or anything! :smile:
Then I went to Cato. When I was bigger, I LOVED the way their jeans fit me. Plus, they are cheap! I got to shop on the SKINNY side of Cato this time which was a big, huge stinking deal! I bought a pair of the Classics and a pair of skinny leg (heh.) in size 16. I think I am a true 16 right now. Not bad, but I will be REALLY excited when I am a true 14. (Don't get me started how I'm going to feel when I'm a true 12, because that has NEVER happened in my adult life!!!!)
Lot's of exclamation points this morning. Hmmm. or Hmmmm!!!! :ohmy:
I'm not wearing any new stuff today, but I am wearing a shirt that I haven't been able to wear since 2006. Yay! I'm starting to thing about what I need to take on my trip to New Orleans this weekend. Must look sassy!!
Have a great week everyone!
After my run yesterday morning, I was SO hot. I even took a cold shower to help cool me off. I was fine most of the day until the afternoon. My office is always cold, but since I'm so hot natured, I never needed anything more than a fleece jacket. But yesterday, I was freezing. I made it through the afternoon (SHIVERING!) and went to Jazzercise.
While I was warm through class, I wasn't ridiculously hot like I usually am when I work out. After class, I felt chilled to the bone. When I got home, I turned my heater on 74 (it is usually on 68-70 in the colder months) and wrapped up like a burrito in my blanket. I finally warmed up in time for bed. But then I was so hot I couldn't sleep!! HAHA!
This morning I tried to dress appropriately. I'm wearing a long sleeved T-shirt. Over that I have on a short sleeved sweater. Over that I have on a boiled wool jacket. That should be enough layers to take care of any situation!! :-) Right now with all of these clothes on, I'm comfortable.
It's possible that I've not been this small as an adult in cold weather. Or at least not for long. It will be interesting to see if at 36 I turn into a cold person after being hot all my life or if this was a one day phenomenon.
Happy Wednesday everybody!
