Hi everyone! What a wonderful Wednesday.
I told you about the roller coaster that was yesterday. Whew! Glad that was over. Today was much more calm.
Today at lunch, I actually ran outside...where people can see me! I made it about 2.2 miles which is good. I hope I can make it the full 5k Labor Day weekend! I'm sure I can.
I was down 2 pounds this morning. That was AWESOME! I'm starting to be more "regular" so I think that is a big part of it. The Miralax/Activia combo seems to be working.
Tonight I had dinner with an old friend that I used to work with. It was quite delightful and I realize that I miss her. We are going to have to do it more often!
I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to need a tonsillectomy. It sucks, but that is just part of life. I'm looking at having it in December so that is something to look forward to. :wub: Silver lining is that my parents are going to come take care of me. I'm so blessed!
Hope your Wednesday was wonderful too!
It has been a very roller coaster day! I was still a little bummed this morning because of my quitting staffer. Then I had some more fun news that another coworker (whom I adore working with) might be leaving. Too much change! Bad!
I guess that stressed me out a bit because my Band was tight as all get out at lunch. It immediately got stuck and had some yogurt instead. Bad.
Right after lunch I was gifted with a brand new iPad. Our bosses gave them to all of us and some of us will even get a monthly 3G bill paid. How cool is that? Good!
As I was wrapping up my workday (I left at 2:30 for my ENT appointment), I received a phone call. I didn't recognize the number so I let it go to voicemail. When I checked it, it was Sister Barbara Lynn from Sister of St. Benedict telling my that I had won their raffle and wanted to confirm my address. It sounds like a scam except for the fact that I totally entered a raffle and vaguely remembered that they were doing the drawing at the end of August. I was unable to get back to her, so I'm not 100% sure yet, but I think it is possible that I won 6 Suite tickets to an Indianapolis Colts game in October. Holy sh*t!! I never win things like that!! Hopefully I will figure it all out soon. :wub: Super good!
My ENT appointment was a bummer. I have chronic tonsilitis and the only cure is a tonsillectomy. I know I didn't spell this all right, but you know what I mean. :thumbup: Both a friend and my mom have had their tonsils out as adults and assure me that it is the worst thing ever. Sigh. Two weeks of hell. I don't think there is going to be any way around it though. Super bad.
All in all, I know I'm blessed and I have a wonderful life. Some bad news this week, but it will all work out. It always does!
Hi all! So, I've started my new "night blogging". I think I can see why I did it in the morning. By the time you get to the end of the day, you are just ready to wind down!! One thing I do have to figure out is how I can have time to write, but also to read. I LOVE reading and responding to your blogs, so I will work on how I can do both.
First, constipation. Holy moly, do I have it. I have been taking Benefiber twice a day, but it just isn't working for me. I bought Miralax today and I'm trying that tonight. Tomorrow I'm going to invest in some Activia. I will keep you posted. Ha!
Second, my PCP referred me to an ENT for my throat issue. I feel sure that I have mentioned the disgusting issue I have with food getting stuck in the back of my throat. Well, I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow. When I talked to them on the phone, they said that it sounded like I have craters. Ha! How hysterical is that? Craters. Heh. I can't wait to hear more about that. Hopefully they can fix it though. I'm starting to get an ear ache from it!
Today, one of my best employees resigned. Sigh. She is excellent and has so much potential. She is the person I had planned to groom to lead the group. I'm sad because we are losing someone special. But I wish nothing but the best for her. It is going to mean some craziness for us. I feel sure that I'm not going to get to replace her so things should get super fun!! Wish me luck!!
Hope you all had a good Monday!
In order to focus more on work, well at work and to have time to some other things, I'm going to attempt blogging in the evenings. It's usually the first thing I do in the morning so we will see how it goes.
I ended up leaving work on Friday because I felt so bad. That tetanus shot really kicked my butt. I got the shot on Wednesday and today, Sunday, my arm still hurts. How crazy is that?
I have a busy week coming up. Work will be busy because I have taken on some new responsibilities and I will have to spend some time learning new things. Should be interesting though! Tomorrow I'm meeting a Lap Band Support Group friend for lunch and am Jazzercising in the evening. It is the Jazzercise One Day Sale, so it should be busy.
It is 8:00pm on a Sunday and I'm considering going to bed. Ha! I think maybe I will try and convince myself to do some yoga...just 20 minutes. :biggrin: I will let you know tomorrow night if I was successful.
Have a good evening!
In order to focus more on work, well at work and to have time to some other things, I'm going to attempt blogging in the evenings. It's usually the first thing I do in the morning so we will see how it goes.
I ended up leaving work on Friday because I felt so bad. That tetanus shot really kicked my butt. I got the shot on Wednesday and today, Sunday, my arm still hurts. How crazy is that?
Sandradee (among others) has asked me a couple of times whether I think Jax (my Body Bugg) has been worth it. The cost of the device plus the display device was around $300.
I will say up front that I am extremely blessed. I have a wonderful job and since I'm single with no kids and relatively no responsibilities, I'm able to spend my money however I see fit without worrying about anyone else. So spending $300 for me is not the same as say my friend who is a married stay at home mother of three or another friend who is a single working mother of two.
That being said, I'm very glad that I got it. I have NEVER been one to log my food. I would try to commit myself to it, but I would lose interest in a day or two. Something about having your calories burned to offset calories consumed has helped to motivate me. I have been going strong for 3 weeks and I don't have the mindset that it is a chore. I actually enjoy logging in each night after dinner to make my updates.
One thing that I have noticed is that I think more before I just eat something. For instance, on Monday after lunch, my work group stopped and got a cookie from the Nestle Toll House Cookie Store. I LOVE Nestle Toll House cookies. I bought one and brought it back to the office with me. I looked up the nutritional information and I plugged it in my online food journal. Since I was working out that day, I determined that I could eat the cookie if I had a lighter dinner than I originally planned. I enjoyed the heck out of that cookie and savored EVERY bite. Later that night, I chose the lower calorie dinner and all was well.
I will say that I think that most of the benefit comes from logging my food. So, if you are already very good at that, I don't know if it would be worth it or not. To me, it has changed how I operate entirely!
Also, I am very conservative with my food counts. Meaning, I always try to pad my estimates. For instance, if I have a couple bites of mashed potatoes, I would probably log 1/4 cup as opposed to 2 T. I have read that we tend to underestimate what we eat by 20-40(!)% Wow! I figure that no matter how hard I try, I will not remember (or know) everything that is in what I'm eating (especially when I eat out) so if I pad a little, hopefully I will have enough counted to cover anything I miss. Interestingly, even with that padding, Jax tells me that I only lose 1/2 of what I calculate that I should lose. And I definitely don't lose it when I'm "supposed" to. But that's okay, as I collect data about myself, I learn more and more and it helps me to be less frustrated.
So for me, for my needs, for my circumstances, Jax is worth it! I committed to logging food for 4 weeks and wearing Jax for 8 weeks. I realize now that I need to do both and will now commit to doing both. I feel sure though that I will continue long past 8 weeks. I feel that way now...I will get back to you in about 5 weeks! :thumbup:
Just wanted to give you a couple of quick updates:
Eating steak: I did okay with the steak. I had to cut it into the smallest of pieces and I was only able to eat about an ounce. Last night at home, I had the leftovers and ate bigger bites, but would spit out the fat (tendons that wouldn't chew down) instead of swallowing it. Sounds kind of gross, but it worked. I don't think I like steak enough to work that hard. HA!
Jazzercise: our friends came to class with us last night. They had a lot of fun supporting my BFF by it really isn't their cup of tea. One is a runner, but the other doesn't work out much and I hope that she finds some sort of activity that she enjoys. My arm ached a little from the tetanus shot (it still does!) but I'm glad I got in the extra work out. Something funny...as I was cleaning up after class, I picked up some 5 pound weights that someone had forgotten to put away. They felt so light to me that I almost threw them in the air. It made me feel like The Hulk!! :wink2:
Have a super day everyone! Tomorrow is Friday!
I went to my PCP today for a routine check up. I have not seen him since my surgery and realized that he didn't even know about it. Oops! He was happy for me though and enthusiastic with my success.
Turns out that it was time for a tetanus booster. That should feel good tomorrow! Also, we discussed an issue I have been having with my throat. **gross alert** I get things stuck in the recesses of my throat and I have to dig them out with a Qtip. This is something that started about 2 years ago and it is getting worse. It feels like my throat is irritated all the time even though I'm not sick at all. He is sending me to an ENT doc and thinks they should be able to fix it easily. YAY!
He is also referring me to another sleep doctor so I can update my sleep study. It is probably time to make a change to my CPAP. Maybe by next year, I won't need it!!
My blood pressure is super! He also took my labs so I will be eager to see how my cholesterol and other numbers look. Hopefully they are look great and I can continue to be medication free! He even made a joke about how he wasn't giving me any medication and didn't know what to do. I love it!
Tonight I'm going to Jazzercise. Big shock, huh?! :thumbup: But it is extra fun tonight because a few friends are coming to class to support my BFF Cori who is a new instructor. Well, she has been instructing for about 3 months or so, I think. And she is already one of the best. She really was made for this and it makes for an excellent class! It will be a lot of fun! Plus, I don't usually go on Wednesdays so it is getting me an extra work out for the week. Jax will LOVE that!!
Thanks for all the super sweet comments on the pictures I included in my blog post yesterday. Sometimes I get discouraged that I'm still way into the 200s, but when I concentrate on how I look, it makes me feel better. I'm really hoping to break into the teens this week though which would be a BIG STINKING DEAL!! Just another few tenths to go...
Happy Hump Day, y'all!
You know it is going to be good day when someone tells you that you look good. It's even better really because my BFF Cori (who is not one to sugar coat or to give false praise) told me that my outfit makes me look skinny and another friend (who is a little quicker to compliment) told me that I look great. Woohoo!
I am a big fan of long shirts/short dresses with leggings. Today, I'm wearing a navy blue Simply Vera dress with a black ribbon belt. It's very simple, but I think it is pretty. I've paired it with black leggings and silver encrusted black sandals. I went ahead and took pics. I also added a pic from 7.12.10 in a similar outfit. I think it is fair to say that today's outfit is a little more body skimming than the last one, but I also think there is a difference in the body it is skimming. Ha! (FYI, we took several pictures today but the lighting kept making my boobs look deformed. This one kind of looks like I'm about to fall down, but my boobs looked normal so I went with it. :mad:) It's funny how eager I am to take pictures these days...
Jazzercise was great last night. I can really feel my body doing things I was just not able to do before. My lunges are lower for sure and using the 10 pound weights is getting a little easier. NOT EASY, mind you, but easier. I feel strong!
Today is a lunch work out. I'm going to try and run two miles. I'm slow...I will stick to 4mph which will take 30 minutes, but hopefully I can do that!
Tonight is my monthly girls' night Interesting Dinner. It is restaurant week, so we are going fancy! We are headed to a chop house, so I'm going to try steak for the first time post op. I like my steak medium rare, so if I take very small bites and chew, chew, chew, I should be okay. Wish me luck!
It's Monday! Jax and I are starting to live in harmony again. Last week was a real eye opener as I discussed in my Friday post. I typically gain weight over the weekend, so I'm proud that I was able to lose a little bit this weekend. Maybe I'm actually learning!
I have a lot of fun things coming up! I'm visiting my brother and his family Labor Day weekend, my parents are coming to visit in mid-September, I'm going to New Orleans the first weekend in October, I'm going to visit a friend in NC mid-October, I'm going to the NASCAR race the first weekend in November, then next thing I know the holidays will be here!! That doesn't take into account all the local things I have going on.
Speaking of visiting my brother...my SIL emailed me yesterday and asked if I wanted to enter a 5k that weekend with her and my nephew. I had mentioned when I visited them in May that I wanted to do it and made it my goal. I have been slacking off on the running though because of my aching feet. I said yes, so I better get on the stick! I've never gone more than 1.85 miles at once. I still think I will be able to do it though. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment!! :mad:
In preperation, I'm not going to do a ton of running because I don't want to mess up my feet. So, I'm going to do A LOT of cardio. I plan to do Jazzercise 4 times this week. I also plan to run twice. We will see how that goes then make a plan for next week.
I feel detoxed and ready to go!! Happy Monday, my friends!
It's been quite a week! I'm glad it is the last day of my self-imposed exercise hiatus. I do think it has been productive though. I learned (as I suspected) that I was using exercise as an excuse to make bad food choices. I think that now I have my head wrapped around the idea that I can make good choices without feeling like I'm sacrificing greatly.
A couple of my thin friends say that is why you exercise...so you can eat what you want. I tried to explain to them that is a faulty argument for me two reasons. First, they are thin and just working to maintain. I am trying to lose over 100 pounds. In a year, when I plan to be at or very near my goal weight, I can live on a very small calorie deficit or even breakeven. But if I do that now, I will never get to where I want to be.
Secondly, and probably most importantly, I am a food addict or at the very least, I have an unhealthy relationship to food. Eating "whatever you want" most likely means a very different thing to me than it does to my thin friends. I can never have the attitude that I can eat "whatever I want". Even at goal, I will have to modify that.
I would like to think that I will lose this weight and gradually learn better food habits. I would like to think that when this weight is gone, I can eat like a "normal" person without the assistance of the band. While I don't think that is 100% out of the question someday, I do think that I will probably need the help for at least a long while. And I'm really starting to be okay with that.
Right now, I AM dieting, whether I want to admit to it or not. Now, it is also life changing and I'm not dieting in an unhealthy way. However, I'm eating in a way that I do not plan to continue forever. I don't think you should have a 1,000 calorie deficit forever because at some point you need to even out. But that IS normal.
This week while not exercising, but focusing on food, I have lost 1.6 pounds in 5 days. I hope to increase that over the weekend. My plan next week is to keep the same plan with my food, but add a 150-200 calorie snack on days that I work out. That should increase my calorie deficit on those days by 350-450 calories.
Starting tomorrow, the schedule is to work out 5 1/2 hours in the next 8 days. After 0 hours in 6 days, that should be interesting!
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!
I'm not sure why I haven't blogged much this week. I don't feel bad or down, just not motivated to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard.)
Jax & I have reconciled, so that's good. I have taken a one week hiatus from exercise (which might be a very good reason I'm so blah right now.) I've decided to completely focus on food intake this week. I have done great! My goal is to keep it up next week when I layer in exercise, but to add a 150-200 calorie snack on big work out days (like Jazzercise.) I don't think I need additional calories for my small 20-30 minute lunch work outs.
Next week I will hit it hard, I actually start on Saturday with an hour of Jazzercise. I have more Jazz on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday & the following Saturday. That alone would be great! But I will also layer in at least one lunch work out on Tuesday and go from there.
Saturday I'm also getting my hair cut. I think I'm going to continue with the length. However, I'm thinking I might go shorter and sassier next time. But for right now, I like how my long hair is framing my thinning face. Plus, I wear it up most days because it is SO DARN HOT!!
I can't believe that tomorrow is Friday. This week has flown by! I hope you are all having a fabulous one!
Today is a new day, huh? I think I have finally gotten over my "I feel fat" phase. I feel very sure that another one will come eventually, but no worries now.
I had Group last night. I LOVE getting together with such a wonderful group of people. There are veterans, people at my level, and newbies. We share, share, share and it is FANTASTIC! I hope you all can find a support group near you. They honestly do have a tremendous effect!
I don't have much time today, so I will just update my spandex pics. So lovely. Ha! But I can tell the difference. I have attached one month ago and today. Plus I couldn't resist attaching one from the very beginning.
Have a super day!!
I took my montly "casual" pics today. It is the first month that I don't really see a difference. But then again, I only lost 4 pounds since the last picture. At least it is the right direction!!
I will take my super fun spandex pictures tonight at Group. We will see how that goes.
I wrote a nice little blog this morning, then my computer ate it. So, I'm going to have to bail this morning.
Have a great day and I will talk to you tomorrow!
Hi everyone!
It is amazing how much you can learn about yourself when you are willing to accept it. One thing I have noticed during this "journey" is that people have no hesitation in giving out advice and indicating that they know better than I do. I have had that with diet, exercise, you name it.
But then I started to realize that I do it too! And I started to wonder how I am making people feel when I do that. I'm trying to make a consicous effort to only give advice when it has been requested (except of course when it comes to my parents...they get it automatically. :tt2:) It is a fine line between giving (or getting) information and giving (or getting) unsolicited advice. In my opinion, I LOVE information and want as much of it as I can get. But I can do without advice and the judgement that sometimes comes with it.
For instance, with my decision to start walking down the stairs at work...I appreciated getting the information that walking DOWN stairs can be hard on your knees and isn't typically a recommended form of exercise. With that information, I can pay close attention to my knees and any pain that might creep up. However, I didn't appreciate the advice that I should be walking UP the stairs and how I should go about doing that and then the judgement that followed when I decided to stick with my plan for the time being.
[Deep breath.] I just get frustrated, you know? Anyway, I hope it goes without saying that my blog is an unofficial solicitation for feedback, so advice out here NEVER goes unappreciated!! :smile: Maybe I'm being hypocritical, but I think it is different.
Speaking of Project Stairs, I have finished Day 4. My calves are still burning, but at least I was able to get out of bed this morning without feeling like I was going to collapse! They hurt, but now feel more like I had a crazy hard work out...not that someone beat my legs with a bat. Ha! One more day then they will get a two day break.
My friend bailed on water aerobics with me last night. She is a working mom of three, so I can hardly get upset with her! I went to Jazzercise instead. I will go again tonight. I love it, so it is always good!
Have a great day!
Thank you all for helping me celebrate Fat Day yesterday!! Thankfully that is past and I feel much better today. :cool:
On Monday, the elevators broke in my office building. Since the service elevator takes so long, I took the stairs. I work on the 18th floor so that is a lot of stairs. I was very sore (especially my calves!) yesterday so I decided to walk down the stairs every day until they don't hurt anymore. I'm not sure if that is genius or nuts!
I did it Monday right before leaving work and going to Jazzercise which I don't think was the best plan. Last night I did it after work too which was fine since I didn't do much in the evening. Although this morning I could hardly get out of bed!! Tonight I'm planning to work out so I thought it would be better to do the stairs in the morning. It only takes 5 minutes which is crazy since it can cause SO MUCH PAIN. Ha! So, I did it and it's done for the day.
During Fat Day, I decided that I needed to vary up my exercising. I have a membership to 24 Hour Fitness but only go for my (very sporadic) personal training sessions. One of my good friends is also a member so I challenged her to go to some classes. We are supposed to be doing the aqua aerobic class this evening, so that should be fun!
Have a great day everybody!!
I realize that even after losing over 60 pounds in 7 months, I'm not going to feel "skinny." I have at least another 60 pounds to go and I also realize that even skinny chicks have their fat days. So, I'm just going to wallow a bit in my fat day.
Yesterday my feet were killing me. I have had MUCH less trouble with my feet as I have lost weight. At the height of my weight gain, I could barely get through a normal day of work in crocs or tennis shoes. Now, I am careful with the shoes I wear, but I can wear "normal" shoes to work and I work out regularly. My feet ache some, but I think that is normal. However, yesterday, it was like I was back up to 285. :cool:
They hurt throughout the day. At the end of the workday, we received an email that the elevators were not functioning. We were told that we could use the service elevator, but there is only one. The service elevator is the slowest form of transportation on the planet under normal circumstances. For it to service all 22 floors, it would take me an hour to get to the lobby from the 18th floor! I had to get to Jazzercise, so I took the stairs. I have to say that it wasn't as bad as in the past when we have had to do fire drills, so that's a plus. But my legs were a little jello-ish at Jazzercise.
My feet hurt so bad at class, I feel like I was at 50-60%. I don't think walking the stairs was the cause since they hurt throughout the day, but I'm sure it didn't help. I was SO internally cranky during that class. I was picking fights with people in my head to the point I had to physically shake it. [sidebar: Do you all do that? I often times find myself picking fights or having arguments in my head. For instance, if I know that I'm going to tell my boss something he isn't going to like, I have the worst case scenario conversation in my head. It drives me crazy! I'm getting better about not doing that, but I certainly did it last night!]
I went home and did all the things with my feet that I am supposed to do. They feel a lot better today and I tried to pick out a pair of comfortable shoes. No Jazzercise today, but I'm planning to workout at lunch. I think I will choose the ellypical or the bike so I can limit impact on my feet. Then, because I am a glutton for punishment, I plan to walk down the stairs at the end of the workday. That is my punishment for wallowing in my fatness. :laugh:
Oh well, tomorrow is another day!!
What a productive weekend!! So far, Jax (my new Body Bugg) is having quite an effect on my life. I can tell that I'm making better choices, especially regarding activity to make sure I reach my target numbers. Color me surprised!
Friday I chose to go to Jazzercise which is something I don't usually do. Especially when I get up and go on Saturday morning, which I also did! YAY me! :closedeyes: After class on Saturday, I ran some errands. I had a quck lunch then got started working around home. I had gone through all of the clothes in my closet last week, so this weekend I decided to tackle my drawers. Dresser and chest of drawers...well, other kinds of drawers too, I guess.
I got rid of two bathing suits, a ton of pajamas and some work out pants. The happiest thing I found is that there are only 3 items left in my "too small" drawer...one pair of Old Navy jeans and two tank tops. I feel sure they will fit next month!
I kept myself busy most of the day and only sat down for a little while in the late afternoon. Then I got ready and went to my BFFs birthday party. It was at a pizza place and I'm entirely to tight to eat pizza. Luckily they has some delicious lasagna which I was able to eat. It was a LOVELY evening with friends. And I don't think I thought about being fat all night!
Sunday I went to church then continued my productivity around the house. I wanted to burn more calories!
This morning I got up and did yoga. I HATE mornings and honestly can't believe I did it. I'm a sucker for a challenge though. I'm a part of a Facebook group that has a bunch of friends from high school where we encourage each other to exercise. One of the guys (which honestly I feel sure I never spoke to in high school) has become quite inspiring to me. He battles weight too and works very hard. He threw down a challenge that if I got up to do yoga, he would do sit ups. Well...okay then. I did my 22 minutes of easy going yoga. It is mostly stretching, but I notice that when I do it, I have more energy throughout the day.
We are having a celebration today at work and there will be cupcakes. I may eat one, but I will also log it so Jax can tell me what I need to do to work it off. Tonight is Jazzercise and I'm up to 10 pound hand weights! The only move that gives me trouble is an over the head tricep dip. Everything else I can do well. I don't think I will ever go over 10 pounds though...it seems like a good weight.
Not to bury the lead, but I lost 8.4 pounds & 8.75 inches this month. Most excitingly, 2 inches off my hips! I would love to lose 10 more pounds before my trip to Louisville. If I listen to Jax, I just might!!
Jax is providing me with TONS of information. First and foremost, I burned 3060 calories yesterday. Wow! I cringe to think about how many calories I was consuming per day to gain the 20-30 pounds in the last 6 months of 2009. Yikes!
But the good news is that now I know. I have set up my online program to shoot for a goal of a 900 calorie deficit each day. I'm actually trying to reach closer to 1200 per day to allow for the apparent 20-40% (!) error rate that people have when counting calories consumed. I try to be conservative when counting what I eat, but I want to make sure that I'm allowing some cushion.
So, yesterday I burned 3060 calories and consumed 1625 for a calorie deficit of 1435. Technically, that should lose me .4 pounds. Actually, I weighed exactly the same this morning that I did yesterday morning. That's okay though. I feel quite sure that it will all catch up.
Tomorrow is my best friend's birthday. Today for lunch we are going to Babe's Chicken and tomorrow night we are going to Campania's Pizza. I have to say that knowing Jax is paying a whole lot of attention will help me make good choices.
Have a great weekend!!
I'm totally in love with Jax and we can't be apart!! As you all know, my new Body Bugg (aka Jax) was delivered yesterday. I got home last night and started setting it up. It said that it takes approximately 3 hours to charge fully and I first plugged it in at 7:30 PM. At 10:15 I was ready for bed, but Jax was still working So, I went and took a shower to busy myself. After that he was all pumped up and ready to go!
Apparently I burn 711 calories while I'm asleep. Go me! I slept for around 8 hours, so I burn around 2100 calories a day doing nothing. Just goes to show how many calories I was consuming!!
So far today (since midnight) I have burned 1,026 calories and I have taken 1,456 steps. It also says that my body has had 13 minutes of "activity" today. Considering I'm just walking around my office, that's interesting.
Oh...I'm at 1,028 calories burned now. Ha! I see that this is going to be quite an obsession. The question will be whether it is fleeting or if it will be a long term committment!
There is a "trip" button that I can reset at any time. So at Jazzercise tonight, I plan to set it to see how many steps I take and how many calories I burn during the class. That should be fun! I can't wait to see how much difference there is between workouts (not just between Jazzercise and jogging, but just between Jazzercise classes themselves.) I know that sometimes I'm giving a lot more than others.
The other big news of the day is that we bought tour tickets for So You Think You Can Dance. That will be here on 9/22. I remember how uncomfortable I was at the last tour, so it will be so nice to be more relaxed this time!! I love that show and the tour is always fun. It is still 8 weeks away, so I could be another 10-15 pounds down by then.
Postscript: I took a potty break just now and caught myself checking myself out in front of the full length mirror. We usually wear jeans to work, but today I'm in black dress pants and top which are quite slimming. YAY!! Feels so good.
Jax, my new Body Bugg, came today. YAY! I can't wait to get home tonight to get it all hooked up and ready to go. I have PROMISED myself that I will do a few productive things before I start. Ha!
I fully expect this thing to make me lose 30 pounds in the next 3 months! Just kidding! I know it won't do the work for me, but wouldn't it be nice?
Yesterday was my 2nd full day of logging calories consumed. I worked SO hard and what was my reward?? No movement on the scale. It must be broken. Surely if I'm doing something I don't want to be doing, the earth would shift, the heavens would shine down on me and I would get what I want, right? Apparently, the universe begs to differ.
Off to do some work. I will post some pictures of me and Jax tomorrow.
...or in this case a somewhat plump, (but soon to be svelte) and sassy liar. :thumbup: As I told you all yesterday, I have committed to 4 weeks of logging calories burned and calories consumed. My Body Bugg comes in the mail on Wednesday, but I didn't want to delay starting.
Yesterday was Day 1. About lunch time, it was quite clear to me that I was lying to myself about the calorie count for what I have been eating.
My current theory: it is my understanding that a pound equals 3500 calories, so to lose 2 pounds in a week, I would need to have a 7000 calorie deficit a week. That translates to 1000 calorie deficit per day. My metabolism test said that I burn 2200 calories per day and I'm estimating that I burn about 300 calories during my work outs. (I can't wait for Jax (my Body Bugg) to tell me for sure!) That means that I would need limit my calories (roughly speaking) to 1200 on non-work out days and 1500 on work out days.
Yesterday was a work out day, so I allowed myself 1500 calories. I planned it out at the beginning of the day because I have found that I'm not so good on the fly. You are SHOCKED, aren't you??
What I learned in one day (which I probably alreday knew but was subconsciously denying) was that I treat myself too much in the evening (especially when I have worked out) and I have too much of a tendency to pick high fat proteins over lean proteins. Since I am in a decent exercise routine, the next 4 weeks will be about making better food choices.
My goal is to lose 120 pounds. I feel that the first 60 pounds has been relatively easy since my hard work has been in exercise which I'm finding (gasp!) somewhat enjoyable. I say relatively easy, because it certainly wasn't EASY easy. But I haven't exactly been putting up every effort. Controlling my food intake (for me) is the hard part. I believe it is going to take a lot more of that to get through the next 60 pounds.
Thank goodness I have you all in my corner!! Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to get myself up early to Yoga. It's only a 1/2 hour earlier than normal, but you would think it was the middle of the night! :smile2:
Wowzaa...Friday sucked. Flat out one of the top (bottom) ten work days I've ever had. In one decision, I cost my struggling company about $40k that it sincerely doesn't have. I was a basket case on Friday and it took me long into the weekend to get a grip on my mood. Objectively, I knew about 2 hours in that it wasn't truly my fault and about 4 hours in I had determined that with the information I had at the time, I would make the same decision every time. But it took me about 24-30 hours to adjust back from my bad attitude. I was mad at EVERYBODY although I did do my darnedest not to show it. I slipped a little, but my truly awesome friends rallied and even tried to cheer me up with crazy You Tube videos. :thumbup:
But by Sunday, I was all better and today is just another new workday. I have a lot of responsibility in my job and a lot of high expectations. Occassionally, I'm going to make a mistake and that is just part of life. The good news is that we may have legal rights to retrieve the money so that would be even better!! Regardless, we have all learned a lot from this experience.
Moving on to Sunday...I went shopping. (Sidenote: finallyincontrol, I think you were the one that said that I love to shop? I thought of that repeatedly during the day. HA!) I now have plenty of clothes to get me through the next 20-30 pounds, I think. One of my friends here at work told me I look very SLENDER in the outfit I'm wearing today. ME...slender? Uh, okay. Huh. I will take it!!
I figured out last night that I wasn't going to be down this week at my Monday morning weigh in. I even had a fill this week...a teensy weensy one, but a fill nonetheless. I ALWAYS lose a couple of pounds at least on a fill week. But I guess I have reached my first dreaded plateau. Y'all know I'm not one to sit around and find out. So...yes, I have a plan!
I ordered a Body Bugg last night and it should be here sometime this week. I'm committing to a new 8 week plan. I'm not technically starting until next week since I don't have the bug which I have already named Jax (after the badass biker on Sons of Anarchy). I was going to name it Bicho (meaning bug in Spanish), but I was afraid that everyone would think that I was calling it a bitch. :smile2:
I will use Jax to accurately determine calories burned during the day as well as log my calories consumed. I'm committing to using Jax for calories burned for 8 weeks. I'm committing to recording calories consumed for 4 weeks, because I honestly don't think I can get myself to do more. Hopefully after 4 weeks it will become habit, but committing to 8 weeks for something I absolutely hate to do is too overwhelming.
Additionally, I'm committing to doing 20 minutes of beginner yoga 4 times per week. At least 3 of those times must be in the morning before work (because I think it would be really beneficial).
Honestly, using Jax for calories burned is a no brainer. Once I got over the thought of spending $300, using it will be no big deal. Getting myself up (just 20-30 minutes) earlier in the morning is going to be a little more challenging, but I used to do it all the time. I know that once I get through a couple of weeks, I will be able to do it. Recording my calories consumed is going to be the real challenge here.
Technically, it was supposed to be part of my first 8 week challenge, but I gave it up after a day and decided that I would only do it if I gained weight. I'm such a sucker to myself!! But I thought if I lowered the committment to 4 weeks, I might at least get out of the gate.
I'm going to visit my brother and his family for Labor Day. They know I'm doing this and saw me at the highest at Christmas and then again 40 pounds lighter at my grandmother's funeral. There are over 5 weeks until that vacation and I would very much like to lose 10 pounds. That is a lot for me since I typically average 1.8 pounds and I seem to be slowing. BUT it is very doable. That would put me at around 70 pounds lost and only about 15-20 pounds from my lowest weight ever as an adult.
I can do this! Thank you all for your good wishes and support. It makes ALL the difference in the world!
Hi everybody! Yesterday I was scheduled for my next fill. I think that makes my 5th. I hadn't been sure what I was going to do because I have had some sticking issues, but the last week I have been VERY hungry a lot of the time. Tuesday night I got some very good advice from a fellow bandster that if I was in doubt, I should wait. So I decided that I would cancel my appointment first thing in the morning.
Interestingly, I woke up at 2:00 AM and I was STARVING. Tummy growling, I could eat a horse type hungry! I had eaten a perfectly fine dinner, so I felt it was a sign. I decided to keep the appointment and see what my AWESOME (not to mention dreamy looking) doctor had to say.
I got to the office quite early. I spent the time reading Diet Girl...(I'm almost done!) When it was time, I found out I had lost 11 pounds since my last visit 6 weeks prior, so that was great! In the back waiting room, there was a lovely lady there who had gone to a different doctor the day before to be filled (someone closer to home) and she couldn't even hold down water. Yikes! She looked utterly miserable. That made me stop and think a little bit. I NEVER want to be like that. She said the other doctor described himself as "aggressive". Hmmm...interesting. Anyway, she went first and looked SO relieved when she was done.
When it was my turn, I told my doc my feelings. He took a look under the fluoro and said that he thought I looked really close. He only added one tenth of one cc. He said that some people are very sensitive to it and just a couple drops can make a difference. He cautioned me to come back right away if I can't hold things down. I'm glad he such a great doctor! He actually seems to care. I have heard so many horror stories of surgeons and fill docs not listening to their patients, so I'm quite thankful.
I don't typically go back to work after my fills because I'm a big baby and I get REALLY grumpy when I'm hungry. Fill or no fill, a liquid diet does not make me not hungry...EVER. So, I went shopping. I need some jeans so I started a Lane Bryant. I was in a size 1 Blue Right Fit. They don't do those sizes anymore, so I took a plethora of 14s & 16s to the fitting room. One pair of 14s fit (badly) and ALL the rest were too SMALL. What up, kitty cat? That's not right. Anyway, I went back out and started over. After trying on about 20 pairs of jeans, I ended up with two pairs of size 16 straight leg. They are going to be too big in about a month, but I could barely get the 14s on, much less wear them in public. I wear jeans to work almost every day, so I decided that I needed them to fit now. I will worry about it in a month or two when they are too big. I also bought a $15 pair of black trousers that fit perfectly. SCORE! I picked up some undies while I was there. I love their old thongs...the new ones aren't very good quality, but I got them anyway. I won't fit in them for long anyway!
Then I went to Old Navy. To the fitting room I took size 18 & 20 jeans, khakis, & cargo pants. I figured that would be enough to cover the difference between "Womens" and "Misses" sizes. I also took in a XXL dress and an XL & XXL shirt. The shirts fit weirdly, but everything else was too big. WHAT?? Yeah, but sigh. I went back out and started over. I brought size 16s of everything and an XL dress. The dress looked adorable, but all of the 16s were too tight or ill-fitting. Ugh. Whatever.
It was still quite early when I got home and I didn't want to sit in front of the TV where I would think about food, but I also didn't really have enough energy to exercise, so I decided to clean out my closet. I tried on every single item in my closet that I have not worn in the last two weeks.
Holy moly! I filled up 3 stretchy garbage bags of clothes. My old jeans alone were over a half of one garbage bag!! I had a group of "a little too small, try again soon" clothes from last time. EVERYTHING in that group either fit or was too big. YAY!! I had a pile of "good luck someday cause these suckers are TIGHT" clothes and everything in that group fit or moved into the "try again soon" section. What a trip! It put the whole shopping debacle in perspective.
This morning I officially hit the 60 lb mark. WOOHOO! In 2006, I weighed about 20 pounds less than I do now, so all the clothes I have on hand (except for my prom dress) are reachable very soon. Come winter, I will have almost nothing but my jeans to wear. Although, Dallas is a good place for layers, so a lot of summer stuff can go well into Fall and be layered for Winter. I told my mom I would fly her down in late Sept/early Oct so she can shop with me. She won't let me get frustrated or stop before I've finished my mission. Ha!
Hope you all are having a great week!
Yesterday was a tough blog post for me. Because I had a bad morning yesterday, it started bringing up all those old feelings.
I made myself remember all of it. Not just Buffalo Butt, not just the bus, but more... There were so many times that I was interested in a boy that befriended me only to end up dating one of my (thinner) friends. It's very possible it was because they just didn't want to date ME, but all I saw was rejection of a fatty. As an adult, I had two long distance relationships right out of college and that is it. Nada in about a decade. I've only kissed one guy in about 6 years, I think? And that was a drunken hook up at a friend's wedding. Ha!
Growing up, I was the same size as some of my friends, but I always considered myself the fat one. I look at pictures and that wasn't really the case. All my friends had dates and boyfriends, but I didn't. My mom said that I always pushed them away or cut them off. The older I get, the more I realize that might be somewhat true. You know that Rodney Dangerfield quote about him not wanting to join any club that would have himself as a member? That's me, I think. In my head, I don't want to date anyone that would want to date me. Wow. That's just kinda sad...like, really...sad.
Did I mention that I love boys? I do. I'm boy crazy, in fact!! I just never get past the admiring stage.
I know I'm smart. I know I'm witty (in person...not so much in writing, ha!) I know that I am a natural leader, have a good work ethic and I'm nice. Apparently humble as well. But all that is negated much of the time because I'm fat. I was driving with a guy friend one time and he told me that guys will choose the skinny girl over the better looking overweight girl every time. He said that he knew it sucked, but it was true. That has really stuck with me.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know that fat people get married, fat people have sex, fat people date. I know all of that. While I can imagine a romantic scenario with a cute guy in fantasy, I have a hard time truly imagining it in reality.
About 4 years ago, I think I had a pretty good chance with a cute guy. We would email, talk on the phone and generally made excuses to see each other. It didn't work out and I started to gain weight. I didn't stop for 80 pounds. All the weight gain wasn't about him, for sure. But I have no doubt that it contributed to the start of it.
I know I feel better about myself now at 227 than I did at 285. No question about it. So, I do think that as I lose weight, I will continue to feel better about myself. I don't think when I am 185 that I will see myself in the mirror as if I am 285 or 225. Maybe the argument is that I should be happy with myself regardless of the number on the scale. But I don't think that is my reality. We'll see.
One thing I do know is that I haven't stuck with anything this long and I have officially lost more at one time than I ever have before. I WILL lose 120 pounds and I WILL feel good about my body.
I can't promise that losing the weight will net me a boyfriend. I know better than that. But if I feel good about myself, I know that will reflect and will at least allow for the possibility.
I will work on a happier post for tomorrow!!
This morning has been an interesting one for me. I have talked on my blog about how emotional I am and how I have been working on keeping things in perspective. I think in day to day activity, I'm doing a good job, but I still have a way to go.
Let me give you some history: I have been overweight all my life. I remember thinking I was fat as early as first and second grade. My nickmame in fourth grade was Buffalo Butt. Nice, huh? My first weightloss memory (real or manufactured...) was going to a Weight Watchers meeting with my mom in fourth grade and weighing 144 lbs. I feel like I've been on a diet ever since.
I love my mom. In fact, there is no one on earth I love more than I love my mom. My mom was always "normal" sized, but was almost consistently on a diet while I was growing up. My mom grew up in a household where her father expected perfection from her. She & Dad truly strived not to be that way with my brother and me. They just wanted what was best for us.
They wanted me to be healthy and happy, so they helped me try and lose weight. They took me to Weight Watchers which helped when I was actually doing it. They took me to Nutri System in high school and after a week or two I was sneaking food on the side. They found out and were really mad at me. In retrospect, I understand that they spent a lot of money (that we didn't really have) to do this for me. At the time, I felt I let them down because I stayed fat.
I was a food hoarder. I would eat normally in front of people then binge when I was by myself. I remember when I was young (maybe third grade?) I dipped a big tablespoon of peanut butter in sugar and started eating it. I knew it wasn't good for me, but it was tasty! I was in the living room and I heard my parents coming so I hid it under a piece of furniture. They found it and yelled at me. I feel quite sure that they were yelling at me because it is disgusting and gross to leave food around and it would attract mice and pests (which we had issues with anyway in our pre-1900 house.) I just heard them yelling at me becaue I was a disgusting fat pig.
Every time my mom tells me I look thin or that I have lost weight, I soar! When my mom mentions that I look like I have gained weight (or she asks if I have gained weight), I get physically sick to my stomach. It has always been that way, but I'm just now starting to tell her when that happens. She thinks I'm being silly, and objectively, I probably am.
I talk to my mom every morning during my commute. Every morning, I cheerfully tell her how much weight I have lost. I'm typically up a little on Mondays, but not much. Yesterday, I knew I was going to eat popcorn and I told my mom. She gets a little hitch in her voice when she says "okay" that makes me feel guilty. I was up today and I kid you not when I tell you I was in the shower this morning rehearsing what I was going to tell my mom. Sigh. I'm 36 and sometimes I'm 12.
According to rehearsals, I was supposed to cheerily say that I was up a pound that I felt confident would be gone tomorrow. Instead, I told her that I don't share gains with her, only losses. She started laughing and said that I must have gained a lot because I tell her when it is a pound. (I want to step in a second and say that I truly do not believe that she was laughing AT me or trying to be insenstive. My mom loves me ridiculously so and would never intentionally hurt me under any circumstance.) My face and body started to get hot and I could feel myself tense up. I told her that it hurt me that she was laughing at my weight gain. She tried to explain that she laughs at herself all the time. I was so wrapped up in my anger that I almost hung up with her. Crazy! But I was able to change the subject and we moved on.
When I got to work, my friend Liz approached me and said that she messed up. I had set up a birthday party for my friend Cori and had invited Liz, but not another work friend. Liz had mentioned the party to our other friend and other friend was hurt. To be truthful, it really wasn't something that was done intentionally. Neither Liz nor other friend has ever been invited to Cori's birthday party, but right at the time I was doing the invitation, I think Liz was on her mind so she said to invite her. It certainly wasn't an act of meaning to NOT invite other friend. In my mind, other friend is in a bad place right now and she is interpreting everyone's actions as something AGAINST her when in reality, that's not the case. I was actually that way last year, before I got my life on track. I realized that NOTHING anybody else said or did truly made a difference to me inside. If I loved myself, everything else would work itself out.
That brings me back to my mom. I am so unbelievably fortunate to have my mom. I can't even list off all of the wonderful things she has done and continues to do for me. Nothing she does or says is meant to hurt me. If fact, I have no doubt that my mom would lay down her life for me. I have 35 years of demons to work through. I feel like I have gotten through a lot in 6 months, but it is still going to take some time to get through the rest. Occassionally, my feelings are going to get hurt through no fault of anyone's. But as long as I realize that I control the situation and it is I who decides my emotions, I will be able to move forward.
I have have nightmares on occassion of a 5th grade me on a bus where kids are chanting BUFFALO BUTT! I have dreams all the time where people make comments that I'm fat. It is my achilles heel. But I'm doing something about it! At 60 pounds lost, which I should hit sometime this week, I will be halfway to my goal. Take that Amber Melvin from 4th grade! Take that mean, mean Debbie on the school bus!
But most of all, TAKE THAT BETH! I am my own worst enemy, but this time is different. This time there is no self sabotage. This time there is no letting myself get caught up in the enormity (pardon the pun) of it all. This time, I'm not just losing weight...this time, I'm changing my life.
Mom, I thank God for you and dad everyday. I love you.
