In order to focus more on work, well at work and to have time to some other things, I'm going to attempt blogging in the evenings. It's usually the first thing I do in the morning so we will see how it goes.
I ended up leaving work on Friday because I felt so bad. That tetanus shot really kicked my butt. I got the shot on Wednesday and today, Sunday, my arm still hurts. How crazy is that?
In order to focus more on work, well at work and to have time to some other things, I'm going to attempt blogging in the evenings. It's usually the first thing I do in the morning so we will see how it goes.
I ended up leaving work on Friday because I felt so bad. That tetanus shot really kicked my butt. I got the shot on Wednesday and today, Sunday, my arm still hurts. How crazy is that?
I have a busy week coming up. Work will be busy because I have taken on some new responsibilities and I will have to spend some time learning new things. Should be interesting though! Tomorrow I'm meeting a Lap Band Support Group friend for lunch and am Jazzercising in the evening. It is the Jazzercise One Day Sale, so it should be busy.
It is 8:00pm on a Sunday and I'm considering going to bed. Ha! I think maybe I will try and convince myself to do some yoga...just 20 minutes. :biggrin: I will let you know tomorrow night if I was successful.
Have a good evening!
First, I want to stress that I truly wasn't compliment fishing yesterday. I was just so happy that I had seemed to get past a mental block of mine. But your comments just made me feel so good. Especially you, Janet! Your email made me decide to change my avatar, so I will be doing that soon! Thank you all, truly.
Okay, onto the rest. I was sick yesterday. I'm afraid that until I get my tonsilectomy (29 more days) I will be constantly fighting this. But I went to the doctor and got some meds. About 2 hours after I took them, I started feeling better. I think it was the steroids. I feel SO MUCH better today. It is like I am a different person.
But I was determined to get my fill yesterday. So I went and told the doctor that I wasn't as concerned with how much I was eating at once as I was that it didn't keep me full for very long. He took a look and gave me .25 cc's. The last few times I got fills, I only got .1 cc, so this is quite a bit more. I was a little nervous that it would be too much. I sipped my water just fine and I left.
I had asked my PCP for liquid antibiotics, but it turned out that none of the pharmacies (including the compounding pharmacies) have them in stock. I would have had to wait until today (probably this evening) to start taking them. So I went with the horse pills. The steroids were small and caused me no issues. I crushed up the pill and put it in my frozen custard. It tasted disgusting, but went down just fine.
I had a lot of gurgling through the evening, but I didn't have any reflux problems while I was sleeping. YAY!
Today, I had my coffee and smoothie for breakfast. I took my steroids and even popped my full antibiotic without thinking about it and it went down just fine. I guess I'm not TOO FULL at all! :scared2:
I'm eating some soup for lunch today and I will do that tonight too. Tomorrow I will start on some mushy soft stuff like mashed potatoes or something.
I'm sitting out of Jazzercise tonight. It is hard for me to really get up the energy when I haven't eaten anything solid. BUT, my cousin is coming for a visit tomorrow and I am going to go home and organize at home. My housekeeper comes tomorrow and she will clean, but I need to sort out the clutter. That should burn a few calories for sure!
Last night I got on my Wii Fit for the first time in MONTHS. I'm surprised my little Mii believed it was me. Anyway, I had lost 60 pounds since the previous time which was AWESOME to see!! But I had to laugh when the Wii still made sad noises and told me I was obese. Stupid Wii. BUT I was happy to see that the line didn't go off the charts anymore, it just hovered in the obese section.
And finally, I get to today's clothing choice. My favorite part! The last time I had lost a lot of weight was 2005-2006. In 2006, my company took on a new partner company and my group tripled in size. I was in charge of the hiring and averaged 2 interviews a day. There would be some days I would have FIVE! I felt like an HR person...it was good experience though. Anyway, I had no time for myself and I put on about 50 pounds in 6 months. I hung there for about 3 years before I gained another 30 pounds and started this journey.
Sooo...at the end of Winter 2006, before I had gained anything, my mom and I went shopping. I tried on a XL sweater dress that I never dreamed would fit me. Not only did it fit, but it looked spectacular! Unfortunately, since it was the end of the season, I couldn't wear it and I put it in the closet until the following Winter. Well, we all know what comes next. By that time, I was entirely to big to fit into the dress.
BUT I kept it all this time and today, I took it out of the closet, took off the tags and wore it! Woo hoo! I wanted to take a pic for my mom, so I thought I would go ahead and include it. I'm 2 pounds away from the lowest I was at that time and only 8 pounds from the lowest I have ever been as an adult (1999). It is so close that I can taste it!
After reading many stories on this site, I thought all weekend about what exactly caused me to choose this path now.
At the beginning of this year, my doctor put me on Topomax as a weight-loss drug. That isn't its standard intention, but there has been some good results with it. Unfortunately, I had a bad reaction to the drug and that combined with stress made my anxiety shoot through the roof. February-April is kind of a haze for me. By June, although I had gained 15 pounds, the doctors had determined that I was quite healty (for an obese person) and that made my anxiety go away.
Now what? I went on a trip with my friend and the airplane ride was so uncomfortable. During the trip she also mentioned that my CPAP mask was making noise through the night. I think I had gained enough weight that my CPAP was no longer effective. It did explain why I was so tired all the time. That was when I started thinking about LB. Although I still felt that I wasn't "that fat".
My friends and I have a monthly dinner group that has been meeting regularly since 2004. Each month we take a picture of the group at whichever restaurant we choose. At this particular dinner, I knew with the way we were seated, it wouldn't be very flattering of me. When I looked at the picture I could hardly control the sob. I excused myself and went to the restroom before I made a scene. Once composed, I came back out and my wonderful friends had figured it out and suggested a new picture without making me feel horrible. I love my friends. But I knew now that I was indeed "that fat".
My friend & I scored free tickets to the Mavericks game. They were excellent tickets and I was on the end of the row. However, the end wasn't open, it was at a fence-like wall. I was so cramped and uncomfortable. I didn't want to be there and I knew that I would probably not do it again. There it was. I was making decisions about what to do because of my weight.
I never wanted to be the person that sits at home because I'm more comfortable there than getting out into the world. But that is exactly what I am becoming.
I struggle EVERYday with my weight. My feet hurt, I don't sleep well, and my blood pressure & cholesterol are rising. I MUST lose weight. If I am going to struggle this way, I should do it in a way that is going to get some results. That is why for me.
...or in this case a somewhat plump, (but soon to be svelte) and sassy liar. :thumbup: As I told you all yesterday, I have committed to 4 weeks of logging calories burned and calories consumed. My Body Bugg comes in the mail on Wednesday, but I didn't want to delay starting.
Yesterday was Day 1. About lunch time, it was quite clear to me that I was lying to myself about the calorie count for what I have been eating.
My current theory: it is my understanding that a pound equals 3500 calories, so to lose 2 pounds in a week, I would need to have a 7000 calorie deficit a week. That translates to 1000 calorie deficit per day. My metabolism test said that I burn 2200 calories per day and I'm estimating that I burn about 300 calories during my work outs. (I can't wait for Jax (my Body Bugg) to tell me for sure!) That means that I would need limit my calories (roughly speaking) to 1200 on non-work out days and 1500 on work out days.
Yesterday was a work out day, so I allowed myself 1500 calories. I planned it out at the beginning of the day because I have found that I'm not so good on the fly. You are SHOCKED, aren't you??
What I learned in one day (which I probably alreday knew but was subconsciously denying) was that I treat myself too much in the evening (especially when I have worked out) and I have too much of a tendency to pick high fat proteins over lean proteins. Since I am in a decent exercise routine, the next 4 weeks will be about making better food choices.
My goal is to lose 120 pounds. I feel that the first 60 pounds has been relatively easy since my hard work has been in exercise which I'm finding (gasp!) somewhat enjoyable. I say relatively easy, because it certainly wasn't EASY easy. But I haven't exactly been putting up every effort. Controlling my food intake (for me) is the hard part. I believe it is going to take a lot more of that to get through the next 60 pounds.
Thank goodness I have you all in my corner!! Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to get myself up early to Yoga. It's only a 1/2 hour earlier than normal, but you would think it was the middle of the night! :smile2:
It has been interesting to me to realize that I'm not scared of the food regimen. I know it will be no picnic and there will be times that I will be so frustrated I won't see straight, but I also know that is what I need.
What is making me nervous is more medical. I have narrowed it down to three main issues.
1. I'm concerned that I will always be thinking of this foreign thing inside me. I was at Jazzercise the other day doing crunches and I wondered if I would be able to do the same thing with the port. I know people have run marathons and such after being banded so I feel sure there isn't any exercise restriction once healed, but it is something I need to know. I have to be sure that I can be okay with living with this. I have a small fear that I will end up doing NOTHING because I will be so nervous about messing up my band.
2. Lap band seems relatively new and I'm concerned that we don't fully know the long term effects. What happens 20 years from now?
3. What if I mess up and have to go to the hospital? I think I'm quite responsible, but it seems that you can't always control everything. I'm concerned that something will get stuck and I will have to go to the hospital where they know very little. I'm concerned that I will do something stupid (like eat the wrong thing or too much) and it will kill me.
I have my initial meeting with doctor in a couple of weeks and will ask him about these things. But I was interested to see what you all have to say?
I know that without a doubt, doing nothing will lead me to bad health and sadness. I start feeling guilty because I "should" just diet already and lose the weight I need to lose. But I've tried numerous times with varied success and I know that in the long run I can't do it on my own.
Everyday I feel more and more confident that LB is the right choice for me. I just have to get myself right with my concerns.
I remember people saying that they "forgot to eat" or were just so busy that they "never managed to eat lunch." Huh? What? If I EVER skipped a meal, I certainly noticed and that rarely happened.
A. I spent 35 years hungry, I think. Well, when I wasn't stuffing myself, that is. I constantly was conscious of how much food I was eating compared to others. And it was ALWAYS more. Yet, I hardly ever seemed full.
B. I LOVE food. I love the way it tastes. I love textures and new combinations. I just love it. That won't change and I will always want what I want. I would hate it if I didn't like food.
C. These things are facts. They are just who I am and I won't be able to change that. At best, I will have to learn to work around it.
Approximately three months out from surgery, I realize how wrong I was.
A2. The band works. I have been diligent in getting monthly fills and if I'm not at my sweet spot, I am close. Sometimes I'm hungry, so I eat. Other times I'm not, so I don't. It is truly a bizarre feeling for someone whose main focus throughout life was the next meal.
B2. Tastes change. Some things that I used to love (eg. french fries) no longer appeal to me. Funny how they lose their flavor when chewed to a pulp. I thought I would HATE that, but I don't. They no longer taste good to me, so I no longer eat them. It's a "good for you" choice that I am making because of the band.
C2. Pffffft... So not true! This band has truly exceeded expectations. I feel sure that with time, things could change again. However, this is BY FAR the most effective tool I have ever used (diets, pills, programs, etc...) to eat better. I honestly never believed that I would have a day where I ate to live instead of lived to eat. However, yesterday was just that day.
I think I mentioned to you all yesterday that my grandmother passed away. Typically sadness and stress made me want to curl up in a ball on the sofa and eat. But with this band and my new committment to exercise, instead I worked out and ate nutrionally what I needed for the day (along with a little bit of ice cream...but that's okay!)
Today I hit the 40 pound loss mark. YAY! I hope you all don't get sick of me telling you when I reach the MANY goals I set for myself. Reaching these little goals keep me motivated. 40 pounds lost, 80 to go. I'm a 1/3 done and it feels like I barely started.
Life is good!
Today is my birthday and it has just been the best birthday in a very long time! This time last year, I was beyond miserable. I did not like myself, I was sick and I was probably close to depressed.
This year, I have lost 47 pounds since 1/14, I'm starting to fit into my "skinny" clothes, and I'm starting to feel like I'm actually in some kind of shape!
I have no regrets. Part of me wishes that I would have started this process last year. By now I would be at my goal! But I realize that I had a journey to go through to come to this decision and if I would have done it too soon, I may have not been successful.
In April & May, I worked out 18 hours and 17 hours, respectively. Assuming roughly 4 weeks in the month, that is over four hours a week. I'm feeling pretty good about that! Let's see if I can top both months in June!
My favorite achievement so far is that I have made it out of the Morbidly Obese category! I'm now merely Super Obese. Regular Obese...here I come!!! :thumbup: At my current rate, I would be in spitting distance of Overweight! However, I will not be dissatisfied with any result as long as I'm doing the best I can and I'm going in the right direction.
As I believe I have mentioned before, I plan to jog a 5K in September. My progress is not as I would hope. I did jog 1.25 miles on Thursday, but I was unable to do so either Saturday or Sunday. I just couldn't seem to go longer than 3 or 4 minutes. Hmmm...
Tomorrow I'm getting a fill. I had hoped that I wouldn't need one but I get hungry after about 2-3 hours and I seem to want to eat quite a bit more than the prescribed amount. I feel sure I haven't stretched my pouch or anything, so I probably just need a tweak. I'm always cranky the day of my fill, so I decided to just take the day off. It will be a good day to go get my drivers license renewed. Nothing like being cranky at the DMV!
Every 4th of July weekend, I visit my friend's family in Louisiana. Right now, I'm about 25 pounds lighter than I was last year. I would love to lose about 10 pounds in June so I would be about 35 pounds lighter. I think that is quite doable. A. I have my fill tomorrow which always jump starts my progress. B. The last 3 weeks in June I'm scheduled to Jazzercise twice and be with my trainer twice each week. C. After 5 months, I'm still motivated!! I feel quite sure that has never been the case for me.
Next Monday it will be time for picture updates and that is always fun!!
Hope you all have a great week!
I have finished 3 weeks of my 8 week exercise committment. I lost 5.2 lbs last week and 6.6 lbs since I started 3 weeks ago. In addition to losing the pounds, I also feel better! This weekend, I had little desire to sit around and do nothing which was my favorite pasttime before. :thumbup:
Monday - went to personal trainer.
Tuesday - 1/2 hour on the elliptical.
Wednesday - no work out.
Thursday - 1/2 hour on the elliptical.
Friday - went to personal trainer.
Saturday - 1 hour of Jazzercise.
5 workouts for a total of 4 hours of dedicated exercise. Not bad. I had wanted to do more, but with the fill on Monday, I wasn't able to eat much at all and had little energy. This works.
Speaking of my fill, I was super tight...too tight, until Saturday evening. By then I could start getting down water and other liquids without much difficulty. I didn't log anything foodwise last week because I wasn't eating anything. I did well with choices until Friday night. By then, I was so tired of not being able to eat solids that I started in with bad choices. Now that I can eat again, I have started logging again today. I think that I was starting to get dehydrated a bit, but I drank a lot over the weekend so I feel that I'm back to normal.
For some reason, my smoothie tasted horrible to me this morning so I could only eat about half. I might have to take a week or so hiatus from the protein shakes. I was thinking I could do a couple of eggs with some cheese in the mornings. At least for a little while.
All in all, a very good week! This week, my goal is to work out at least 6 times for a total of 5 hours.
Have a great week everyone!!
Week #1 was tough, but I feel it was a success. First, I feel better which is most important. Second, I lost 1.6 pounds this week which is the first time in 3 weeks that the scale went DOWN!!
Step #1 - Logging food. I logged everything I ate, every day except for Saturday. I met my 1500 calorie goal for 4 days, only slightly exceeded it for 1 day. Sunday I did get closer to 2000 calories because I had a rum drink that pushed the limit, but as long as I don't do that every day, I should be okay. On Friday, I took one of the metabolism tests where you breathe into a machine for 10 minutes and it tells you how many calories you burn in a day. I burn over 2000 without exercise, so that is good. I just can't let myself use that as an excuse to cheat!!
Step #2 - Stay in for lunch two days a week and exercise. I stayed in on Tuesday & Wednesday and used the elliptical machine. This week, I have scheduled Tuesday & Thursday. This step is very cut & dried, but probably the toughest one for me. I was proud of myself for doing it and I am 1/8 done. :thumbup:
Step #3 - Get a personal trainer & meet twice per week. I met with my new trainer twice last week, Wednesday and Friday. Unfortunately, Wednesday was more of an introduction, so we didn't work out much that time. Still, I'm on track!
So, I went to Jazzercise Tuesday & Saturday, I trained with my trainer on Saturday, and I used the elliptical on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Total exercise for the week: 4 hours. Good, for sure, but this week my goal is 6 hours. My 2nd fill is schedule for Monday and I'm starting to get hungrier, so if I could lose a couple of pounds this week...that would be super!!
A friend of mine from LBSG (LAP-BAND® Support Group) gave me a recipe for enchilada chili that is super awesome! I made it last night and my (skinny) friend and I both gobbled it up.
Enchilada Chili
1 lb lean ground beef (however, I use Turkey ground white, and when I fry it up I put in about a cup of Beef Broth. The meat will absorb the broth)
1 medium chopped onion ( I also put in a 1/2 of a green or red pepper)
1 can rotel diced tomatoes (mild or hot) undrained
1 can enchilada sauce (red)
1 1/2 cups of green gaint corn ( I use the Mexicali corn)
1 can chili beans in sauce undrained ( I use Bushs chili beans, I also add a can of black beans)
cook beef or turkey with the onions over med heat for 5 to 7 mins till brown. Stir in tomatoes, enchilada sauce and corn into the beef or turkey boil, reduce heat and simmer for 10 mins. Then stir in beans and cook for 5 to 8 mins. stirring occasionaly. When I serve I put some low fat cheese on the top and add some salsa.
This makes about 4 servings 1 1/2 cups. Since I measure out a cup I get more.
Nutrition per serving
Calories 380, total fat 15g, sodium 1440mg. Total carbs 38g, Fiber is 8g and Protein 29g.
Here's to a great week!!
Vacations are GREAT! But it is good to come home and get back in my routine.
Thursday I got to Louisville and my brother picked me up at the airport. My brother and I love each other, but we have never really been friends. I noticed that this trip, that seems to be changing. I have no idea if it is coming from me, him or both of us, but I LOVE it!! One nephew and my niece were with him and were really excited to see me (as I was them!) We picked up other nephew and met SIL at home. SIL was extremely complimentary...she has been one of my biggest supporters throughout this whole process. It feels good!
Friday I slept in and then went to my nephew and niece's school for a Read-a-thon kick off. Too cute! That night we went to a party at some friends' of my brothers house. One of his friends that I have met before just went on and on about how different I look. Awesome!!
Saturday, I got up and ran the 5K. I detailed all of that for you in my last post. Sunday, my brother was having a big party for the neighborhood, so I helped get ready for that. It was almost like a work out! But then all the delicious food came in for the pot luck and I ate like a fiend. Now, of course, I didn't eat like I used to, but I still ate way more than I usually do today.
Sunday, I woke up and hung out with the kids a bit. Then, my SIL, the kids and I went to lunch before they took me to the airport.
Super fun time!!
I was really hungry this morning when I woke up. I weighed myself and I lost .2 pounds for the week. Not too bad since I went on vacation, but I think it is probably time for a fill. I had one scheduled for Thursday, but I cancelled it a couple of weeks ago when I was going strong. Oops! Anyway, I have one now scheduled for 9/14. That is two days before my parents come to town, but they are supportive so it should be fine.
I certainly missed you all!!
I took my montly "casual" pics today. It is the first month that I don't really see a difference. But then again, I only lost 4 pounds since the last picture. At least it is the right direction!!
I will take my super fun spandex pictures tonight at Group. We will see how that goes.
I wrote a nice little blog this morning, then my computer ate it. So, I'm going to have to bail this morning.
Have a great day and I will talk to you tomorrow!
Thank you all very, very much for your sweet comments about my hair. I'm officially on board with it (well, at least 80% and that's more than passing). I'm loving the fact that it only takes about 3 minutes to dry! The next test will be how it works out after my lunch runs. I'm not too worried about it though because my work folks have seen me about ever which way. :-)
So, I'm completely obsessed with the Rangers. I will admit that I'm a Bandwagon fan. I never got into baseball. But I LOVE watching the Rangers in the playoffs. First, the boys are super cute, so that never hurts. But I also love sports and competition and watching the Rangers and Yankees is just fun. Claw! (For those not in the know, the Rangers have the symbols of antlers and claw. Antlers represent speed and the claw is kind of a "high five".) So if you see a random CLAW in my posts over the coming days, that what it means. :-) Go Rangers!
Today is a bit of a tough day. One of my coworkers (from our East Coast office) is leaving my company. I have worked closely with him for over 10 years and he has played a big hand in shaping my career. We are friends as well as coworkers so I think we will keep in some kind of touch, but it won't be the same. Life moves on and everyone needs to do what is right for them, so I hold him no ill feelings and wish him the best. But I will miss him very much! At least he is going to be in town today (with another coworker from the East that I'm friends with as well), so I will get to say goodbye.
On another note, I measured the block around my apartment complex and it is 1.7 miles long. I want to start doing some running in the mornings, but I probably won't start until at least next week. Maybe 2 days a week?
Again, thank you all so much for your support and kind words. I love feedback! It makes such a difference knowing you are out there pulling for me. Know that I am here for you too!!
Beth
I am truly getting excited about this process. I am a planner though, so I have been holding back somewhat because I haven't known what kind of pre-op diet I will have. Normally, I would have had a day-by-day menu already prepared. :w00t:
That's how it happens for me. I join WW or Jenny Craig and I meticulously plan my meals. And I do great!! I lose weight and everything is groovy. Until, of course, I can't plan that one week. And then everything starts to crumble. So my new goal is to be more flexible and "go with the flow".
My other nagging feeling is the guilt I feel for gaining weight since my initial mid-November appointment. The surgeon didn't put me on a diet, nor did they say "don't gain weight", although I'm guessing it was implied. Through Thanksgiving and Christmas, I gained around 15 pounds. Although I'm a little embarrassed by that, mostly I just want to move forward. I feel confident that I can go on any pre-op diet that I am given and be successful. I just don't want to be judged and get a lecture. Sigh. I'm 12.
Tonight is my last support group meeting pre-band. I'm going to have someone take my "before" pictures, so (even though they will be icky to look at) that will give me some turbo-incentive!
To me, 1/12 has always been the date I was waiting for even though my surgery date isn't until 1/27. Tomorrow it starts! YAY! I have decided that even if my my pre-op diet is less than two weeks, I'm going to make it two weeks.
I'm getting fired up now just thinking about it!! I will post my before pictures tomorrow. Try not to lose any sleep in anticipation, y'all! Hee!
I guess I didn't really know what Bandster Hell was until today. I stepped on the scales for my weekly weigh-in and I was .2 pounds up. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but I was .6 pounds up last week, so I am definitely moving in the WRONG direction.
I have been eating in a way (calorie-wise) that would have produced results in the past. Now...not so much. Plus, I worked out 4 times last week. And not just "activity" work outs...hard, high intensity work outs.
I had myself a nice little pity party on the way to work. Unfortunately, my mom had to attend the party because I talk to her during my commute. I'm not good with these types of parties, for myself or anyone else, so as soon as I got to work...I made a plan. I always feel better when I have a plan.
Step 1: I honestly don't know how much effect I can have on my "diet" until my next fill which is 3/22. So, I'm going to do that which I hate and LOG EVERYTHING. UGH. Seriously, I hate it. But I can't deal with these types of results until I hit my sweet spot. If I log my food, I will have one of two results. 1. It will turn out that I am indeed fooling myself and there are changes to be made. 2. I'm doing everything I need to do and will get some sort of weird satisfaction in showing my nurse. Heh.
Step 2: Additionally, I have gotten a couple of co-workers to work out with me (elliptical) at lunch two days a week. This is HUGE for me. I hate staying in for lunch. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hate staying in for lunch. I'm a single girl who lives by myself and lunch is one of my only social interactions. But I recognize that in the short term, I need to make a committment to this. So, I'm planning to do this 2 days a week for 8 weeks.
Step 3: I'm getting a personal trainer. I go to Jazzercise 2-4 times per week. I get a fantastic work out from Jazzercise, but it is hell on my feet. I think it will always hurt, but if I lost 50 pounds, I bet it would start huring less!! Anyway...I can't add Jazzercise classes because my feet will fall off. I thought I would try more muscle building so I can burn fat faster. I have had issues with hurting my back in the past, so I want to work out with a personal trainer to try and keep that from happening. That would just not be helpful at all. I meet with someone at the gym tomorrow at 7:30 PM after my Jazzercise class.
I am committing to 8 weeks (through the end of April) to give myself a good jumpstart. I cannot yet say what I will do after that, but that is not the point. Short term committment. 8 weeks.
I can do this!
So, my profile picture is officially updated. Maybe after another 40 lbs., I will update it again!! So, this will be the last time I have to look at this picture unless I choose too.
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I gained 1/2 lb last week and nothing seems to be coming off this week, but I'm still feeling pretty good. I have a plan. Log food, go on vacation, have birthday, get fill. Ha! If I can maintain through all of that, I should probably consider it a victory!
I'm looking forward to vacation. I'm visiting my parents and they are watching their diet right now so we should be good influences on each other. Plus, I plan to buy a couple new outfits. YAY!!
The good thing about not being tight is that I'm definitely getting in my water. Plus, I'm keeping up my exercise. I did 1/2 hour on the elliptical at lunch today.
Tonight I'm meeting a friend for dinner at Spaghetti Warehouse. I'm sure I can find a good choice there!!
Have a great week everyone!
Hi everyone! I have to say that I'm a little tired today. I went out with a LB support group friend last night and didn't get home until 11:30. That is late for me!! We met for dinner then went to see the musical Dreamgirls. We had a GREAT time! I feel so blessed to have met her.
But I had a hard time getting to sleep and (pardon my TMI) I am feeling constipated the last couple of days. That is unusual for me so I'm getting a little annoyed with it.
I think part of my problem is my lack of exercise this week. It will be a full week for me today without ANY kind of organized exercise. I feel sure that once I get back to it, my energy will take off. I have Jazzercise tonight, so that will be fun. I am supposed to go see Master Bruce tomorrow night which is fine, I guess. I have really gotten to the point I dislike him and don't want to go anymore which is too bad. I only have 4 more prepaid sessions I need to use and then I can focus on trying something else. Any ideas? I am trying to think of something fun to do probably once a week that would be a little different (to supplement the Jazzercise and running.)
Mostly, I'm just looking forward to a weekend at home! I loved going to Louisiana and Kansas, but I'm ready for a break.
Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!! :thumbup:
According to my scale, I gained 2.5 lbs this weekend while on vacation. Whoops! Now, much of that (I think) is bloating which happens to me when I travel. Based on history, I feel sure I will be down at least 2 of those in the next day or two. So, while it is an annoyance, I'm not really freaked out.
However, what I am starting to notice is my general lack of discipline. I haven't been acting "out of control" per se, but I have been following more of a maintenance plan than a "losing" plan.
Interestingly, from the day I got Jax at the end of July, I logged information every single day. That is, until the first weekend in October when I went to NOLA. Then there is a gap the next weekend when I went to Indy. Then another gap the next weekend when I WAS HOME! And another gap this weekend while I was in NC. I find it interesting because for the nine weeks I wore Jax and recorded info, I lost weight every week but one.
In the four weeks since, I have lost twice and gained twice. So what does that tell me? It is obvious to me that I need the accountabilitiy.
So, I went back over this weekend and tried to log absolutely everything I ate and it is not a pretty sight. Did you know that Starbucks lemon pound cake has 500 calories?? I don't even like it that much!!
I'm sure it comes to no shock to you at all that I have a plan. :thumbup:
1. For the next 4 weeks prior to Thanksgiving, I'm going to focus on good food choices. I'm not saying it is going to be all chicken breasts and veggies, but I will truly shoot for that 1,000 calorie deficit a day. (My goal is to consume 1800-2000 calories and burn 2800-3000.)
2. But that requires exercise. So I'm adding the morning runs. This is going to be SO HARD for me. But it is time. So, twice per week (and I can choose the days that work best with my schedule), I will run in the mornings before work. This week I plan today and tomorrow.
3. Also, I will not lessen my other workouts because I have added the morning runs. That means 2-3 Jazzercise classes per week and a total of 5-7 work outs per week. This week, I will Jazzercise tonight and Thursday. I will also work out at lunch (bike or walking) Tuesday and Wednesday. Plus I have my 5K on Saturday. So, that will be 7 separate work outs for a total of 4 1/2 hours.
I know I can do it. I don't even question that anymore. I just have to make myself get it done! I need to focus on how it is going to make me feel.
By the way, I had a FABULOUS time with my friend and godson! The Outer Banks area is beautiful and the weather was spectacular. We went on a Wild Horse tour which was a lot of fun. I have included some pictures from the trip.
Happy Monday!
This morning has been an interesting one for me. I have talked on my blog about how emotional I am and how I have been working on keeping things in perspective. I think in day to day activity, I'm doing a good job, but I still have a way to go.
Let me give you some history: I have been overweight all my life. I remember thinking I was fat as early as first and second grade. My nickmame in fourth grade was Buffalo Butt. Nice, huh? My first weightloss memory (real or manufactured...) was going to a Weight Watchers meeting with my mom in fourth grade and weighing 144 lbs. I feel like I've been on a diet ever since.
I love my mom. In fact, there is no one on earth I love more than I love my mom. My mom was always "normal" sized, but was almost consistently on a diet while I was growing up. My mom grew up in a household where her father expected perfection from her. She & Dad truly strived not to be that way with my brother and me. They just wanted what was best for us.
They wanted me to be healthy and happy, so they helped me try and lose weight. They took me to Weight Watchers which helped when I was actually doing it. They took me to Nutri System in high school and after a week or two I was sneaking food on the side. They found out and were really mad at me. In retrospect, I understand that they spent a lot of money (that we didn't really have) to do this for me. At the time, I felt I let them down because I stayed fat.
I was a food hoarder. I would eat normally in front of people then binge when I was by myself. I remember when I was young (maybe third grade?) I dipped a big tablespoon of peanut butter in sugar and started eating it. I knew it wasn't good for me, but it was tasty! I was in the living room and I heard my parents coming so I hid it under a piece of furniture. They found it and yelled at me. I feel quite sure that they were yelling at me because it is disgusting and gross to leave food around and it would attract mice and pests (which we had issues with anyway in our pre-1900 house.) I just heard them yelling at me becaue I was a disgusting fat pig.
Every time my mom tells me I look thin or that I have lost weight, I soar! When my mom mentions that I look like I have gained weight (or she asks if I have gained weight), I get physically sick to my stomach. It has always been that way, but I'm just now starting to tell her when that happens. She thinks I'm being silly, and objectively, I probably am.
I talk to my mom every morning during my commute. Every morning, I cheerfully tell her how much weight I have lost. I'm typically up a little on Mondays, but not much. Yesterday, I knew I was going to eat popcorn and I told my mom. She gets a little hitch in her voice when she says "okay" that makes me feel guilty. I was up today and I kid you not when I tell you I was in the shower this morning rehearsing what I was going to tell my mom. Sigh. I'm 36 and sometimes I'm 12.
According to rehearsals, I was supposed to cheerily say that I was up a pound that I felt confident would be gone tomorrow. Instead, I told her that I don't share gains with her, only losses. She started laughing and said that I must have gained a lot because I tell her when it is a pound. (I want to step in a second and say that I truly do not believe that she was laughing AT me or trying to be insenstive. My mom loves me ridiculously so and would never intentionally hurt me under any circumstance.) My face and body started to get hot and I could feel myself tense up. I told her that it hurt me that she was laughing at my weight gain. She tried to explain that she laughs at herself all the time. I was so wrapped up in my anger that I almost hung up with her. Crazy! But I was able to change the subject and we moved on.
When I got to work, my friend Liz approached me and said that she messed up. I had set up a birthday party for my friend Cori and had invited Liz, but not another work friend. Liz had mentioned the party to our other friend and other friend was hurt. To be truthful, it really wasn't something that was done intentionally. Neither Liz nor other friend has ever been invited to Cori's birthday party, but right at the time I was doing the invitation, I think Liz was on her mind so she said to invite her. It certainly wasn't an act of meaning to NOT invite other friend. In my mind, other friend is in a bad place right now and she is interpreting everyone's actions as something AGAINST her when in reality, that's not the case. I was actually that way last year, before I got my life on track. I realized that NOTHING anybody else said or did truly made a difference to me inside. If I loved myself, everything else would work itself out.
That brings me back to my mom. I am so unbelievably fortunate to have my mom. I can't even list off all of the wonderful things she has done and continues to do for me. Nothing she does or says is meant to hurt me. If fact, I have no doubt that my mom would lay down her life for me. I have 35 years of demons to work through. I feel like I have gotten through a lot in 6 months, but it is still going to take some time to get through the rest. Occassionally, my feelings are going to get hurt through no fault of anyone's. But as long as I realize that I control the situation and it is I who decides my emotions, I will be able to move forward.
I have have nightmares on occassion of a 5th grade me on a bus where kids are chanting BUFFALO BUTT! I have dreams all the time where people make comments that I'm fat. It is my achilles heel. But I'm doing something about it! At 60 pounds lost, which I should hit sometime this week, I will be halfway to my goal. Take that Amber Melvin from 4th grade! Take that mean, mean Debbie on the school bus!
But most of all, TAKE THAT BETH! I am my own worst enemy, but this time is different. This time there is no self sabotage. This time there is no letting myself get caught up in the enormity (pardon the pun) of it all. This time, I'm not just losing weight...this time, I'm changing my life.
Mom, I thank God for you and dad everyday. I love you.
I know I have already blogged today, but I thought this was funny. Today was to be the first day I would eat solid food "in public". My company has a team lunch the first Friday of each month. This month we had BBQ which will be great after I am on the full post op diet, but I'm still working up to that.
I contacted the food orderer before and asked what was being served. After I figured out I couldn't eat anything, I decided to bring a potato and just heat it up in the microwave.
So I am preparing my potato and I add some shredded havarti and some sour cream and to spice it up...some hot picante. Yum! The first delight was absolutely delicious. And then it occurred to me that I can't drink anything. Ha! And oops. I ate it and it was wonderful, but I was sweating bullets during the meeting portion of the lunch!
At least the meeting lasted long enough that I could go get a nice big glass of water as soon as it was over. I guess I will have to be a little more careful with spicy food!! :drool:
Busy day ahead, so I don't have time for much. But I wanted to check in and ask for everyone to wish me luck on my 5K tomorrow! Although I have practiced a bit more, I'm still not ready to run 3.1 miles. Ha!
But it will be fun since I'm doing it with a dear friend. I picked up my packet yesterday, so I'm ready to go!!
I have a little bit of Halloween spirit today. I'm wearing a Rangers shirt (they are going to do SO much better at home) with some little devil horns (since I'm an ANGRY Ranger). I need to go by Target tonight because I need some Halloween socks and a long sleeved Tshirt to wear to the run. It's getting COLD in the mornings!!
Have a super weekend everyone!
I lost 7 pounds last month, so in no way has my weight loss stalled. However, as you all have come to know, I'm a very impatient person. I want to see a little come off on the scale EVERYDAY! Obviously, that is unrealistic and I need to learn to appreciate life without one eye focused on the scale.
One way I'm doing that is through pictures. As horribly hard as it was for me to have pictures taken of myself at my biggest, I'm now very glad I did. The physical transformation I have gone through is instant inspiration to me when I have any low feelings at all.
Another way I focus OFF the scale is focusing on how my clothes fit. I'm wearing a size 16 NY&Co pair of pants today that I bought when my mom was in town. Less than three weeks ago, I could get them on, but they were too snug to wear. Today, they look perfect!
I remember the way I felt when I weighed 285 pounds. I still went places with my friends, but I felt withdrawn. I wanted to fade into the woodwork. I wanted to hide myself and my body. I was so hard on myself for every little thing because I felt insecure because of my fatness.
Now, I'm much more confident with my body. I practically flirted with a guy in the elevator this morning. Ha! I will catch a glace of myself in a mirror or window reflection and I can hardly believe it is me. I worked out twice yesterday and didn't feel like I was overworked. It's absolutely incredible.
As you also have been able to tell, I love having my picture taken now. I still have a long way to go, but I just feel so darn good! No need to put off living while I finish the job. :confused:
Tonight I'm going with one of by LAP-BAND® Support Group buddies to see Shrek. I have made friends with two girls from the group. I'm so grateful to have folks face to face that are going through what I am going through. Plus, they are super fun!!
Happy Wednesday!
So now that I have lost my first 50 pounds, I feel like myself again. I have been overweight all my life and well over 200 pounds my entire adult life. At 235, I weigh about 20 pounds less than I did when I graduated from college. I would say that the bulk of my adult life was spent weighing 225-255 lbs. Sometimes I would get a little lower and sometimes I would get higher, but that was my "normal range".
So right now, I look and feel like "me." As I lose these next 50 pounds, I will be making the journey to my high school graduation weight. This is an exciting time because anything more than 10 pounds and I will be "skinny" me. I got down to 200 pounds twice in my adult life but didn't stay there long. It will be such a pleasure to get there this time knowing that I'm going to blow right on past it! It is hard to believe that I am 5 months into a new lifestyle and I'm going strong! I would have never lasted 5 months on a "diet".
I have attached a head shot and a full body shot from the very beginning (mid-January) and from today. I'm so pleased!
Today I restart my exercise focus. This week my plan is to see my personal trainer twice, Jazzercise twice and do the treadmill work at least twice.
I have a support group meeting tonight and they always get me fired up! I have a couple of friends that I met through Group and I always look forward to seeing them.
Have a good week all!
This morning a stranger in the elevator told me that my outfit was cute. Today I'm wearing a denim dress that I bought in 2006 when I was thinner. I think it is cute too, so I kept it. It is kind of short, so I paired it with some brown leggings and some brown beaded sandals. When I left the house I felt cute, but I was also nervous because I was taking a risk. I normally dress in jeans or pants and a shirt...quite conservative. The outfit I have on today says "I'm trying to look cute" and there was a piece of me that was afraid that I had failed. One little comment from a stranger and I feel great! I did try to look cute today and I succeeded. :bored:
I hope you all have a great day too!
