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A FOOD ADDICT'S QUEST TO HEALTH

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INTRODUCTION

I've always been overweight...When I was two,I was "cute". When I was six,I was "chubby". When I hit fifth grade,I had "baby fat". Once middle school occured, that was it. I was "Fat","gross","lard-ass",and "whale". What do food addict teenagers do when they're depressed? They eat.   That cycle has gotten me to where I am today. I'm 21 years old, 5'7", and weight 275 lbs. This took some getting used to. Over the years, I have thankfully realized how much I have, and that my size is most certainly not one of my defining characteristics. I have an amazing fiance, a close and supportive family,and astounding friends who all rally together as a strong support team when I need them. I've recently called upon them to do their thang, as I have decided that it is time to put the Doritos back on the shelf and get myself in shape!   The decison for lap band came after much heartbreak, yo-yo dieting, and many binge sessions. One of my long-time mentors growing up went to Mexico to be banded a few years ago. I thought she was nuts, and when she left for the plane, I just smiled, prayed, and watched her children. I never looked into what she was having done, I just thought it sounded insane.   When the pounds started falling off of her, this 'band thing' started to sound less and less insane. She'd only eat three doritos on movie night, and at cookouts, she'd drink water and eat a bun-less burger. That wasn't the woman I knew...I was super interested, and finally talked to her about it. She told me she knew what I was going through, and urged me to research the band.   Here I am three years later;rediculously over-educated on the lap band, and eagerly awaiting my first pre-op appointment that's only two days away. Here is where I plan to record and share the many trials and tribulations-both physical and emotional.   I urge everyone to fasten their seatbelts,this is going to be one hell of a turbulant ride!!!!!!!  
deanna

deanna

2
 

Insurance Denial

My insurance denied me.     I'm not worried. I'm going to go ahead and place my appeals, and see where it goes from there. There is no way that a 277 pound 21 year old isn't a good candidate for this surgery. I have PCOS,High cholesterol,sleep apnea,chronic knee-hip-back-joint pain,and am morbidly obese. At 21 years old! There's no way in hell they'll get away with denying me.   I've waited my whole life for the help I've needed with this. Another month or so won't hurt.
deanna

deanna

2
 

She tried to sabatoge me!!!!! Grrr...

Yesterday we had a cookout with my fiance's family for the 4th, and we had a good time. HOWEVER... His sister and I get along great, she's a big girl,too, but once in a while I catch her doing things to try and trip me up. Sometimes I think she's jealous of me "stealing" her baby brother. I'll catch her glaring at me when she thinks I'm not looking, and weird things like that. I've been trying to get her to come be banded with me, but she kind of shrugs it off, and I think it's because she is one of those people who enjoys having somthing to be upset about, if that makes sense. Well I made it clear that I didn't want any of my trigger foods brought to the house, because it's no secret that I just began my pre-op diet and have been doing AWESOME. Well we took a walk to the beach, and on the way back, she stopped into the grocery store for some "things". She comes out with smartfood popcorn... I didn't really think much of it, because hell, I was excited, it's my favorite junkfood! Well, she kept saying things like "you were doing great on your diet until I came over,huh?"...and stuff like that. I didn't think anything of it until after they went home and she insisted the smartfood stay at my house. I walked into the kitchen to talk to my fiance,he looked at me with my arm in the bag, and all of a sudden it registered.   She did it on PURPOSE!!!!   The psychiatrist told me that it would happen at my pre-op evaluation. She said some people can't handle that you're changing the dynamic of your relationship with them, or that they're insecure of themselves and will want to keep me down... I didn't think it would reallly happen to me, though!!!!!!   Has that happened to anyone else????
deanna

deanna

2
 

Rest in Peace, Victoria. You're Finally Free...

This morning I got a phonecall telling me one of my friends from home committed suicide...   There, I said it.   She's dead.     The words are dry in my mouth...Completly devoid of feeling;there's no attachment. It comes in waves-numbnesspainangernumbnesspainangernumbnesspainangernumbnesspainanger...When comes relief?   I feel like it's a sick joke, and praying it's just a rumor...An awful rumor that she'll call me crying about...   But she's wanted this for a long time, and I pray that she finally has the peace she always yearned for...I pray that her wings will allow her to rise much higher than the earth's gravity ever could...   20 is too young to die...I'm mad at you, Victoria. This is what you wanted, isn't it? You wanted love and attention so badly you'd die for it...We're all crying now...Loving,missing, and thinking only of you.I hope you can see us now...You were beautiful,you know...those big eyes,always so filled with pain... Your search for Christ was a long search, and you fell off the path sometimes, and you always wondered if He loved you. But you know for sure now, don't you? Jesus loves you,baby and so do we. We always have, Victoria. I always will.   It's almost five am, and I can't sleep...Everytime I close my eyes, I think about your body on the floor, and I wonder how you felt during you last concious moments before they found you... Were you scared? Elated? Satisfied? I pray to God you finally felt content, and at ease.       Last time I saw you, you were fine...You were going to church,eating again, and you weren't depressed...There was finally a light in your eyes and that void was gone. I thought it was for good this time...   You were so small, always wanting to inflict pain on yourself. We couldn't stop you, no matter how many times we had tried. I knew your secret, and I'll take it to the grave...   grave...the thought of your body in the ground makes me gag...   I love you, and I know in your final days I wasn't around, and I'm sorry... But words won't cut it now, will they? It's too late...I was too late and I'm sorry. But I'll always think of you, and your deep dimples and that crazy hat. I always hated that hat. But not you. I always loved you.   You're finally free,vicky. Go ahead and fly.   I'll see you again someday, in another time and in another place.
deanna

deanna

1
 

I'm BAACCKKKK!!!!

Needless to say, the death of my friend really lead to the trashing of my pre-op diet. It's been a week now, and it's time for me to deal with my pain properly, and not with food. I've decided that this is life, and life will always happen, and food is to nourish me so that I can HAVE life, food itself IS NOT LIFE!!!   I have 7 pounds to loose before August 15th,my pre-op followup with the nurse practitioner. If I have lost 7 lbs by that date, that's the day they set my surgery date!!! Everything is moving much faster than I thought that it would! I know that I am going to have no problems losing the weight, it's the insurance approval I'm freaking about!   Death has become a reality to me since Vicky's funeral, and the consequences of surgery gone wrong are weighing on me now. But I am just going to trust in Jesus, and know that I'm in his hands, no matter what...   Also, statistically, the odds of me dying in surgery as the youngest patient with the lowest BMI they've ever had, when they've never lost a patient before,are very VERY slim...   trying to make myself feel better...lol.
deanna

deanna

1
 

Where I'm at on the band wagon trail...

Hello kids!   I just recieved some paperwork in the mail yesterday, telling me about the next lapband steps I have to dance before I get my surgery date!   7/25:Shrink apt that I am cancelling because robby kreiger of The Doors is playing at my college, and the Doors have always been my favorite band...   7/25:Sleep Apnea test (eeks!) I was told to bring PJs and to not get a lot of sleep the night before...   7/31:Mandatory sypport group session   8/15 I GET MY SURGERY DATE! (follow up with the nurse practitioner. If I've lost 7 lbs.,which is half of the weight expected to be shed before surgery, she sets the date with me before I leave!!!!!!!WOOHAAAA!)   8/19 Apnea test follow-up...checking in on the test results   The 1st,2nd,3rd, and 5th Wednesday of August: Pre Surgery Skills Class   I'm almost there! Right now my focus lies in losing my pre-op 15 lbs. 7.5 of them have to be by August 15th to keep things running smothly and speedy!!!!
deanna

deanna

1
 

Sleep Apnea:The Study!

Last night was the dreaded sleep study!   It wasn't as monumental as I thought it would be. The nurse rubbed the heck out of me with an exfoliant,stuck lots of wires on my head,hands,face,and legs, and told me to sleep.   Much easier said than done!I tossed and turned all night, and the people around me were snoring so loudly I wanted to cry! They kicked us out at 6 am, and I went to Mike's sister's house for the day to hang. I had pizza for lunch (uh oh! NOT ON THE DIET!!!!), and will never do it again. My body is SO not used to that much fat since I started this pre-op diet. My belly still aches, and it's now 1 am! It sounds sick, but it feels like an acomplishment...!!!   More details later! I have one chapter of Harry Potter left, and I am going to go finish up!!!   Sweet dreams,my loves! Deanna
deanna

deanna

1
 

My Pre Pre-Op Diet Measurements!

Thursday is when I have my pre-op meeting, where I meet with the dr, psychologist, nurse,and nutritionist for the first time. I thought I would post my measurements as of today, so I can keep track of how much I lose before surgery!     Neck: 16.5 inches   Bust: 54 inches   Waist: 50 inches   Hips: 59 inches   Upper Arm:15.5 inches   Lower Arm:12.5 inches   Calves:18.5 inches   Wrist: 7 inches
deanna

deanna

1
 

Pre-op consult tomorrow/self pep talk!

I'm so nervous and excited for my pre-op consult tomorrow!   I'm excited that for the first time in my life, I won't be afraid of getting on the scale, because this is going to be the last time that I'll cringe at my weight...the numbers will be going down from here! :whoo:   I'm excited because I'm finally getting the tool that I need to change the quality of my life...I physically won't be able to eat a bag of doritos after work, and I physically won't be able to eat enough to put those poor chinese buffet people out of business! :clap2:   I'm excited because I am going to be able to walk,run, and tie my shoes without feeling like I'm going to have a stroke! :faint:   I'm nervous about this because I've never had surgery before, and I am only 21...The odds of me having a complication in my lifetime are a lot higher than someone who is 40 and getting banded...But I do know deep down that I would rather die ten years earlier with the band, and have had a fufilling,active life than die ten years later and have had a sloth-like, couch-ridden existance!   I want to finish the boston marathon, and I want to climb mount everest! I want to go parasailing and scuba diving, and not worry about having a heart attack! I want to lay on the beach in a bathing suit that didn't cause tears in the dressing room. I want to have babies and run after them when they try to cause mischief, and I want to be a doctor. I'm starting my pre-med coursework this fall, and with this weight on my body and with this lack of energy, I won't make it. This band is just the tool I need, and I can't wait!   There is a small chance that I may lose my life during surgery, but I'd rather go down trying than to have never tried at all!
deanna

deanna

1
 

My Pre Op Consult is Complete! :)

I survived my first pre-op consult, and feel like I've got a new lease on life!!   I was running late, I should have been at the hospital for my first appointment at eight-thirty and didn't get there until nine, because traffic was insane at rush hour!!!! When I got there, I was pleasantly surprised to see the chairs had no arms, and the chairs that DID have arms were enormous, and could have fit three of me! It was the first time I didn't have to worry if my big butt would fit comfortably in a waiting room chair!!! :car:   My first appointment of the day was with the psychiatrist. Lucky me, I thought, getting shrinked at nine a.m. is a great way to begin the day!!! The psychiatrist was actually wonderful, and my fiance and I will be going to her for couples counselling throughout my banding and weight loss process, because I told her about how he and I had discussed how it would change the dynamic of our relationship. She was thrilled I recognized the importance of that, and also that I recognize the seriousness of the decision I am about to make. She told me I am a perfect candidate, and that she will be telling the surgeon that,psychologically, I am a go-ahead for surgery!!!   My second appointment of the day was with the nutritionist, who was only like, two years older than I am, I swear! We discussed the need for my diet change. I am on my pre-op (which will end up being my post-op lifestyle,actually) diet, where I will eat three meals a day, no more than six hours apart, that will all begin with three ounces of protien, lots of veggies, and lastly, a single serving of starch if necessary. It seems to me like I am going to be eating a LOT MORE food than before, and a lot less random,grazing junk! I also have to drink 2 liters of water a day!   My last appointment was with Pam O'Brien, the most amazing Nurse Practitioner on the planet! She has so much spunk, and was so motivating! We discussed the risks and the benefits of my surgery, and what I expected of it. She also told me I am the perfect candidate, due to the fact that I am only 21, have a lot of life to live, and know the changes I want to see. She liked that I am willing to go out and act upon what needs to be done. She's a hugger, and I love that! She wants me to fax her the files from my pediatrician, saying that I have been overweight since middle school so she can prove that this isn't a new battle for me. She said only insurance is her concearn, because my company had a rider saying they excluded WLS unless medically necessary. It is for me, but she said they get to pull the definition of medially necessary out of their asses. Theses are the next steps for me to proceed!   1.sleep apnea test 2.lab/bloodwork 3.loose 15 lbs pre-surgery (easy!) 4.exercise 5 days a week/30 minutes a day 5.attend one support group meeting 6.attend 4 lifestyle skills classes 7.four week follow up with nutritionist 8.4 week followup with Pam (When we set the date!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!)   There is info overload in here, I know! And it's not even the least of it! I'm just glad that I'm getting this opportunity!   PRAISE JESUS!   Tomorrow I get my files faxed to Pam, and then pray for the next 15 days about getting pre-approved (using a false date to know if I'll get approved...)...Please Keep me in your prayers!
deanna

deanna

1
 

Day 2 of pre-op diet!

Sorry I didn't update yesterday, but I didn't have time to get on the computer, so now I'm typing away in the breakroom!   I started my diet of planned meals, consisting of protien,veggies,fruit and very little startch.   YESTERDAY:   Breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg and 1 part-skim mozzarella cheese stick half of a dry english muffin   snack: 1 part-skim mozzarella stick   lunch: healthy choice frozen meal   snack: trail mix that I wasn't supposed to have because it had too much fat,and also had choclate pieces... AND a cheesestick... :car:   Dinner: 1/2 cup of spaghetti with meat sauce 3 0z. of chicken parm   Fluids: 4 liters of crystal light :faint:which is amazing!!! and a diet coke which I'm not supposed to have!   Excercise: 30 minutes of walking at a slower pace than necessary. Break is over, I'll update on what I had today when I get home!
deanna

deanna

1
 

To-Do List...

Update:   1. My doctors office didn't have my medical records on file when I called Friday. They sure as heck better find them, or my chances of getting approved by insurance are ZERO!   2.I have gained 3 lbs on this pre-op diet   3.I pee all day because of my water requirements! :car:   4.I am READY to be banded!     MY TO-DO LIST:   1.Lay the smack-down on my doctors office 2.Call Pam to change from sept. lapband skills class to august lapband skills class 3.Lose 15 lbs by the end of this month!
deanna

deanna

1
 

flooding,death and unfortunely,no famine! :)

Life has been crazy, and I haven't been updating! There have been floods in the apartment,the car died,mike's mom went to the mental hospital, and when she got out she told them that we stole her car,when, in reality,she let us borrow it for a week when ours broke. Then a lot of expensive things were stolen out of the afore-mentioned car,creating a very hectic life for us all around. Also, just two days ago, Mike heard his best childhood friend had passed. Things have been very difficult for us these past two months. But still I trudge on down the bandster trail.   I've had numerous appointments and classes. I've re-grouped with Pam, the nurse practitioner,who told me I had the go-ahead to meet with the surgeon. When I met him, he tried to talk me into getting bypass instead of the band, to the point where I finally told him if he didn't want to band me, that's fine, I would go somewhere else. He changed his tune super freaking fast. He told me I am the perfect candidate for banding. Turns out, that hospital gets more for bypass than banding. go figure.   He told me yesterday that I can expect to have m surgery within the next 3-4 weeks, and that as soon as I see a hematologist and lose 10 pounds, I am good to go!!!!   I also have one more support group meeting this upcoming week,and another surgery skills class. I am still awaiting insurance approval, which was jsut submitted last week.   This is getting super real, and I'm not sure how to deal with it! I want to write more, but I have to go and finish getting everything out of the rooms to be re-carpeted today!
deanna

deanna

1
 

Update!

Today I faxed my medical record release request to my pediatrician's office, in hope that the woman whom I spoke to the other day, who'd told me they didn't have them, was wrong. I never signed for them to go anywhere, so I'm praying! I'll call the Bariatric Clinic tomorrow and see if they got my files.   Now comes the insurance approval wait...
deanna

deanna

1
 

lap-band shopping list!

summer dresses (can go out in public without incision pain!) flip flops/slip on shoes inspirational movies,books,and sleazy celeb gossip magazines!   neosporin firming cream gauze pads paper tape wet wipes liquid gas-x adult-strength liquid tylenol heating pad flexible ice packs pill cutter drink mixer(for protien-powder based drinks)   crystal light "better than bullion" (sheesh! mega protien!wowee!) protien shakes/mix/supplement SF popsicles SF jello    
deanna

deanna

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