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Drowning in Liquids

I started clear liquids today. I looked it up and found that the reason for this torture is to clear my intestines. Frankly, I would rather have the doctor give me 14 jalapeno enemas instead of putting me on clear liquids. No, really. Isn't there an easier way?   I have threatened to quit several times today and considered rescheduling the surgery. Luckily, I have been able to talk myself down each time. I also burst into tears twice. Thank goodness my husband is being sensitive and caring about it.   There is no particular food I am thinking about. There is just this general restlessness that says EAT NOW. To be honest, when I look at food I don't really want it. But I have the overwhelming urge to eat. It's this gnawing...gnashing...grinding-of-the-teeth feeling. I might be taking an extra Wellie tonight to lessen this anxiety. (Wellie=Wellbutrin...and yes, it has been approved that I can take an extra one if I need it. :cool2:   Meanwhile, I am trying to keep busy with the Jon Gabriel Visualizations, and looking at Before-and-After photos of other Bandsters. The Gabriel Method suggests finding a picture of your ideal body and visualizing yourself in that body while listening to a meditation CD at night and in the morning. I took it a step further and did mine in Photoshop:   http://www.bettysoutherland.com/NewB.html     If you want one too, email me the picture of your ideal body and a headshot of you that is in the same position as the body shot. (i.e., if the ideal body is facing forward, your head should be facing forward, too). If you have any skinny facial pics (like maybe from when you were younger), send those too, along with a Paypal for $12.50 to:   electrawoman@gmail.com   Depending on how many orders I get, I can probably get your finished pic back to you within a few days.   It would be fun to compare these to our final "after" pics :laugh:
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

6
 

Throwing in the Towel

I had my preop exam scheduled today and made plans with hubs to come home early and take care of our kiddo. He was late very late and I nearly had to reschedule my entire Monday surgery because the doctor won't be in the office for the rest of the week. Luckily, they worked me in. On the way there, I began to panic.   By the time I got to the office, I was freaking out. When they told me about some payment issues, I became even more anxious. Once that was worked out, I started obsessing about my fear that the lapband won't work for me and had a full-on panic attack. I was ready to Throw in the towel and cancel the whole thing. Luckily, the office ladies, the nurse, and the PA listened to my fears and reassured me that everthing would be fine. They reminded me that failure or sucess depends on me. I felt better knowing I had control.   It also helped that their scale showed that I lost 6 lbs on the preop diet this week!   So surgery is still on and doc even said I could eat a little Thanksgiving tomorrow. All is well in the house of Betty.
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

1
 

Throwing in the Towel

I had my preop exam scheduled today and made plans with hubs to come home early and take care of our kiddo. He was late very late and I nearly had to reschedule my entire Monday surgery because the doctor won't be in the office for the rest of the week. Luckily, they worked me in. But on the way there, I began to panic.   By the time I got to the office, I was freaking out. When they told me about some payment issues, I became even more anxious. Once that was worked out, I started obsessing about my fear that the LAP-BAND® won't work for me and had a full-on panic attack. I was ready to Throw in the towel and cancel the whole thing. Luckily, the office ladies, the nurse, and the PA listened to my fears and reassured me that everthing would be fine. They reminded me that failure or sucess depends on me. I felt better knowing I had control.   It also helped that their scale showed that I lost 6 lbs on the preop diet this week!   So surgery is still on and doc even said I could eat a little Thanksgiving tomorrow. All is well in the house of Betty.
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

5
 

Throwing in the towel

I had my preop exam scheduled today and made plans with hubs to come home early and take care of our kiddo. He was late very late and I nearly had to reschedule my entire Monday surgery because the doctor won't be in the office for the rest of the week. Luckily, they worked me in. On the way there, I began to panic.   By the time I got to the office, I was freaking out. When they told me about some payment issues, I became even more anxious. Once that was worked out, I started obsessing about my fear that the lapband won't work for me and had a full-on panic attack. I was ready to Throw inbthe towel and cancel the whole thing.   Luckily, the office ladies, the nurse, and the PA listened to my fears and reassured me that everthing would be fine. They reminded me that failure or sucess depends on me. I felt better knowing I had control.   It also helped that their scale showed that I lost 6 lbs on the preop diet this week!   So surgery is still on and doc even said I could eat a little Thanksgiving tomorrow. All is well in the house of Betty.
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

1
 

Manipulative FOOD MONSTER

Well, he's at it again. I am still reading the Gabriel Method and my Food Monster is telling me that I don't need the Lap-Band. I just need to do what John Gabriel says, he tells me. "Um yeah, Food Monster. If that worked, I would be skinny already because every new diet book I find sounds like a great idea, until it doesn't.", I say to him.   Today is much better than the last two. I am thinking about food a little less. I even feel a little thinner today. Maybe the pre-op diet is working. Or maybe it is my imagination.   Unlike most of you who have lost weight and regained it, I have never lost more than 20 lbs at once. (And that took 2 years). I can't remember how it feels to be thin. I haven't felt it in about 33 years.   Feeling hopeful that the lap-band will work for me, I tried to recall yesterday how it felt to be lean. I remembered being a child of about 9, playing outside in a halter top. A halter top! My shoulders haven't seen the sun in over a quarter of a century! I can vaguely recall the feeling of running, the wind flying past my ears and my body working exactly as it should. I have no fear of falling or rolling my ankle or embarrassment over the fat that is trembling and shaking behind me as my feet slam into the pavement. I am not worried about arch supports or proper alignment. I know without question that my body will take me where I want to go. I move at the speed of light using skates or my bike or my own two feet to get there. Now, that is living.   So, when was the last time you felt good in your body?
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

6
 

Some Folks Just Need Killin'

I woke up this morning to the sound of two toddlers fighting over a broken toy. The thing is, I only have one toddler (and a husband). The day got progressively more interesting as I tried to stay on this stupid preop diet.   In my spare time (ha ha), I am a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) for children. In order to make it to a supervised visit with the parent of my CASA kids, I had to get a sitter and drive an hour, only to find out that the parents decided not to show up and the visit was cancelled. Now, that was simply annoying for me but how do you think those kids must have felt? They haven't seen their parents in 3 weeks and now (Because mom and dad have a lame excuse) they won't see them for at least another 2 weeks. I don't know about you other Mammas, but if I hadn't seen my child in 2 weeks, I would WALK, crawl or swim my way to the visit. But maybe that's just me.   This change in diet is really not helping. I am detoxing from sugar and fat---my drugs of choice---and everything is magnified times thousands.   I feel like nobody except other bandsters understand.   I know I should be happy that I'm not being forced to do liquids only right now and thrilled that I will get a small taste of Thanksgiving but I am seriously cranky and gave in for the temptation of 3 chocolate graham crackers. Yes, I did. And I would do it again.   It kept my grown-up-toddler-man from getting kilt this afternoon.   God Bless Harry & David.
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

4
 

Food Depression

Day four had kicked my butt a little though I made it under calorie and fat budget anyway. From sugar and fat withdrawal to losing my tried-and-true feelings buffer, my mood and energy level dropped straight down to the ground. I woke up with a headache and feeling cranky. I spent the rest of the day that way. I am very tired, even though I hung out on the sofa for most of the evening. I gave in at some point and had a BK veggie burger but luckily, it didn't put me over my limits.   Anyone who says this is cheating, can kiss my fatt ass.   The bright spot in my day was my son, who gave me lots of hugs and kisses even though I spent a large part of the morning fussing around him. Even my husband is trying to stay out of my way. It is probably safer for him to do so :cool2: Grrrrrrowl!   I also had a chance to read more of The Gabriel Method and using the visualizations and relaxation techniques in the book are helping.
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

1
 

PROUDLY ending a good day on Preop Diet

Well, I am 3 days in and I am getting the hang of it. I had a great day keeping good foods in my mouth and a spirit of movement in my body. I chose a family activity that involved a lot of walking outdoors and stayed under budget for all of my food requirements.   Now, I am going to take the advice of a friend who recommended that I read this book: The Gabriel Method. I downloaded it to my phone and I can't wait to read it.   I am really proud of myself for today!   Toot Toot!   (That's the sound of my own horn)
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

2
 

Off to a Good start...Try this yummy high-protein breakfast!

Well, I started out good with a very yummy less-than 300 cal, hi-pro, low-fat, veg breakfast. I came up with it on the fly so I thought I would share:   1/2 c Egg Beaters 1/4 cup chopped bell peppers 1/4 c sliced raw mushrooms 1/2 chopped green onion 1/2 cup leftover spinach/pine nut/garlic mix (I got this at the Market Street Deli. But you can just add fresh spinach, a little garlic, and a little red pepper to taste. If you have pine nuts, add 'em. If not, it's no big deal)   Mix all in a microwave take-and-go container with a lid. Lightly place the lid on top but don't latch it. Cook in microwave for 2 minutes. Then, take out and mix. Cover and let sit. The egg mix will continue cooking in the steam while you pop 2 morningstar farms veggie breakfast patties (tastes like mild sausage patties) in the micro for two minutes.   I was tempted to add cheese but I decided to try it first. It was awesome even without cheese! You can also add tomatoes and a spoonful of plain greek yogurt (which tastes like sour cream)   Cal: 231 Carbs: 14 Fat: 10 Protein: 33!   Now, I am going to get cleaned up and try to find something to do with myself and the family today that involves exercise. Maybe I will break my "no more plus-size clothing" rule and buy a new bra at the mall. Since I hurt my shoulder, I can't fasten them in the back anymore. I am tired of hunting down my husband to fasten them for me or going bra-less half the time. It's time for a front-loader, I think.
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

4
 

Jason's Deli Should be Destroyed

I spent most of this morning, walking the floor of an auto auction (where I got to see Pam Anderson's Airsteam Playboy Love Trailer) trying to think of what to eat for lunch. Hubs was already working my nerves and I was itching to stick my face in something gooey just to relieve the stress.   Instead, I opted for the healthy choice. I was very proud of myself for ordering a one-trip salad-bar-and-soup plate at Jason's Deli. I chose all the green and colorful stuff, none of the meat, one egg for protein and 1 whole grain cracker instead of croutons. I even went easy on the dressing, using about a Tablespoon for the entire salad. I skipped the free ice cream, opting instead for 1/2 c of the chocolate mousse on the salad bar.   Then, I used my iPhone to log what I had eaten on myfitnesspal.com   That stupid Mousse cost me 800 calories and put me way over fat grams (+30) for the entire day. It had 80 grams of fat in it! What I want to know now is, who thought it was a good idea to put that on the SALAD BAR????? The whole meal left me only 300 calories for the rest of the day and night.   Not cool, Jason's. Not cool.
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

5
 

Here we goooO!

I started my pre-op diet today after two days of last-mealitis and binging. I tried to fit in all of my favorite foods just in case I never get to eat them again. Let's see... I went to two fast food places, Taco Cabana and Jack in the Box. I don't know why I chose Jack in the Box. I never eat there! But I loaded up on tacos, chicken sandwiches, flauta, fajita taco, cake, eggrolls and more. Then last night, I hit the bakery at Market Street for a lemon torte and a fruit tart. I bought an eclair and a napolean but never got around to eating them. I also bought a shitload of diet food, fearing that I would be deprived if I didn't have everything I could possibly want at my fingertips.   Today I am have a protein shake for breakfast. The new diet is low-fat, low-carb, and vegetarian. So basically, I can eat protein supplements, veggies, and fruit with an occassional cracker. YUUUUUUMMMMY! [she says with intense sarcasm]   I think my biggest problem right now is the overwhelming fear that this, like many other things I have tried to lose weight, will not work. My brain is scrambling with the question, "What if I change my body and put myself through all of this and remain fat?" It happens. And it would be just my luck that it would happen to me.   That is very negative thinking but I am afraid, nonetheless. I am also cranky and stressed out about losing my food "friends". I know that in a couple of months, I can still enjoy them, just in smaller portions but I am not sure I trust myself to have a bite or two of something I love (like a bagel) or that my body won't reject something that I love (like a bagel).   Speaking of Bagels, I went to Einstein Brothers Bagels twice this week and loaded up on lox, asiago bagels, pumpkin bagel and bagel dogs.   Now, back to the protein shake. I am using Herbalife Formula 1 shakes. They are really good and as much as I hate to admit it, really satisfy my hunger. They are not too sweet and you can use the powder in other recipes. I get mine from Ajay's Fitness (home of the 4-minute workout...no kidding. It's amazing). Nutrition products are available for shipping anywhere.   I am also logging my food intake at Myfitnesspal.com. It's free and has a good library of foods to add to your food journal.
Electrawoman

Electrawoman

6
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