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Blog 78023

A blog by Electrawoman

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Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet Sat on a Tuffet Eating her curds and whey. Who hasn't asked the question, "What is curds and whey, anyway?" Well, today, I think I found out. I had the bright idea to mix protein powder with my cream of wheat. I dumped a scoop into my cereal while it cooked. It immediately clumped up so I grabbed a whisk and beat the crap out of it. Still lumpy, though not as much. It turns out that the protein powder actually cooked. It changed into a form similar to very rubbery egg whites. So my cream of wheat was full of these little rubber chewy curd-like balls. I do not recommend it. Now, I must find out what a Tuffet is.

December 10, 2009

7

Groggy

I did it! The lapband has been successfully installed on my stomach. I feel fine, except for a sore throat because my mouth is dry. I got 5 incisions and I don't feel a thing except for a little pressure. The IV pain meds must be responsible for that. Everyone said I did excellent. Blog more later. Sleep now.

November 30, 2009

9

Some Folks Just Need Killin'

I woke up this morning to the sound of two toddlers fighting over a broken toy. The thing is, I only have one toddler (and a husband). The day got progressively more interesting as I tried to stay on this stupid preop diet. In my spare time (ha ha), I am a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) for children. In order to make it to a supervised visit with the parent of my CASA kids, I had to get a sitter and drive an hour, only to find out that the parents decided not to show up and the visit was cancelled. Now, that was simply annoying for me but how do you think those kids must have felt? They haven't seen their parents in 3 weeks and now (Because mom and dad have a lame excuse) they won't see them for at least another 2 weeks. I don't know about you other Mammas, but if I hadn't seen my child in 2 weeks, I would WALK, crawl or swim my way to the visit. But maybe that's just me. This change in diet is really not helping. I am detoxing from sugar and fat---my drugs of choice---and everything is magnified times thousands. I feel like nobody except other bandsters understand. I know I should be happy that I'm not being forced to do liquids only right now and thrilled that I will get a small taste of Thanksgiving but I am seriously cranky and gave in for the temptation of 3 chocolate graham crackers. Yes, I did. And I would do it again. It kept my grown-up-toddler-man from getting kilt this afternoon. God Bless Harry & David.

November 25, 2009

4

I'm HONGREEEEEEEEEE

Today is another high-stressor. MY kiddo is pushing my buttons today. He is just into EVERYTHING! ha ha We decorated the Yule tree last night and it looks beautiful! It's got a peacock theme. Of course the cats are trying hard to destroy it. We had 4 ornament casualties this morning. Anyway, I have to get some of that unflavored protein powder. I am neither getting enough protein or veggies in. Mostly, I am drinking and eating milk-based foods and that can't be good. Where can I get the powder without ordering it online?

December 7, 2009

9

4lbs to first gial

4 more pounds and I will be out of the 300s! I was told a few days ago that a friend who had not seen me in ten years didn't recognize me from current pics because I had gained so much weight. that was an eye opener. I hadn't thought that my body had changed all that much but he was right. From 1992-1993, I gained 100 pounds jumping from 170 to 270. I stayed there until 2007 when I ballooned up again after the birth of my son and a serious car accident. It is only now that I realize how much weight I gained in that year. In retrospect, I now see what those two life episodes had in common---depression! I have had two major depressive episodes and each one cost me dearly. So now I am recommitting to stay mentally healthy. Depression is such a sneaky bitch. I never know I'm in one until it's too late. Watch out depression. I'm watching you!

March 27, 2010

3

Jason's Deli Should be Destroyed

I spent most of this morning, walking the floor of an auto auction (where I got to see Pam Anderson's Airsteam Playboy Love Trailer) trying to think of what to eat for lunch. Hubs was already working my nerves and I was itching to stick my face in something gooey just to relieve the stress. Instead, I opted for the healthy choice. I was very proud of myself for ordering a one-trip salad-bar-and-soup plate at Jason's Deli. I chose all the green and colorful stuff, none of the meat, one egg for protein and 1 whole grain cracker instead of croutons. I even went easy on the dressing, using about a Tablespoon for the entire salad. I skipped the free ice cream, opting instead for 1/2 c of the chocolate mousse on the salad bar. Then, I used my iPhone to log what I had eaten on myfitnesspal.com That stupid Mousse cost me 800 calories and put me way over fat grams (+30) for the entire day. It had 80 grams of fat in it! What I want to know now is, who thought it was a good idea to put that on the SALAD BAR????? The whole meal left me only 300 calories for the rest of the day and night. Not cool, Jason's. Not cool.

November 22, 2009

5

Food Confused

I am still not really sure if I am eating what I should be eating after Monday's procedure. My list says "full liquids" and includes oatmeal, grits and cream of wheat. Both hot cereals are what I would consider mushies. I asked the bariatric coodinator about it and she said "we don't really do a mushy stage because anything can be made mushy if you chew it long enough". I took that to mean that I could do mushies starting today. But, I'm still not sure. Today I had: an Herbalife Shake, 1/2 c thick cream soup (baked potato flavor) with a few bits that I chewed the crap out of, and for dinner, some homemade mashed turnips which I made too thin to eat with a fork. Now I am worried about those turnips. I feel fine but what if they are too gassy and make my stomach do weird things? Yikes! I am also having trouble getting enough water. Tips? Advice?

December 4, 2009

6

Protein

I nearly did it! Yesterday was the first day that I ALMOST managed to get enough protein into my diet! I was only 3 grams off. I still haven't found a favorite ready-to-drink shake. Muscle Milk is pretty good but it leaves a weird film on my lips and has an after taste. I like that I can get it pre-mixed at the convenience stores, though. Tomorrow, I am taking a trip to the health food store to try isopure and Chike. I am also going to look for that unflavored stuff. Any other suggestions? Yesterday, I did not blog because I was busy fighting with Hubs all day over socks. What a waste of a day. You know, if everyone would just do as I say, the world would be a happier place. Meanwhile, I am 3 chapters into writing my book! By the time I finish it, maybe I will have reached goal so I will look cute on Oprah. Oh wait! She's going to be off air by then :confused: Maybe Ellen will have me on

December 14, 2009

6

Save that Drammy for your Mammy

Could this day have been any weirder? I started out working at my volunteer job (CASA), ran from there to grab lunch for my son and husband, dropped it off, went to a health food store across town to pick up shake samples, then to my counseling appt, and finally to the doctor. My surgeon said I was doing great, lost another pound or two and I am right on target. All the way home, I sang Christmas carols and thought about how much fun we are going to have in Canada starting tomorrow. I was halfway home when I got this call from Hubs: "Ummmm we have a conundrum", he said. I was stuck in traffic and didn't want to try and remember what a conundrum was and replied, "Oh god. Whuuuut?" At which point, the man launched straight into a nonsensical tirade about why he cannot go to Canada tomorrow when have been planning this trip for months. I didn't understand a word he was saying aside from "Leave pay...extra month...BAH...discharge...and REFRAD" all military terms that mean "Oh shit. Something is wrong with the finances." Of course, I jumped into full panic mode and had to pull over into a Braum's parking lot so I could try to make sense of it. Having just come from a therapy session where I learned how to deal with stress better, I calmed myself down and tried to ask specific questions in order to wrap my brain around the dilemma. It still made no sense and Hubs started hollering so I just hung up on him and went through the drive thru. I wasn't hungry. It was pure habit. All I could think of is...we are going to either miss our trip entirely or be separated at Christmas! On complete drive-thru-autopilot, I ordered food...chili, frankfurter burger, and jr hamburger. I didn't even get meals or drinks. I just randomly ordered stuff and drove off. As I got back on the road, I looked over puzzled, in my passenger seat at the food I now hoped kiddo and husband would eat and drove on. The entire way, I tried to figure out what in the hell my husband was trying to tell me. By the time I got home, I had more specific questions in place. But he met me at the door while talking on the phone to my sister who was also trying to make sense of it all. They gave me the phone. All I could say was "I dont know" and it wasn't until about an hour later that I figured it all out. My husband is being discharged from his current military orders on January 21. We knew that this morning. We also knew that his pay would end at that time and that he was going to have to bust ass to find a job by the end of the month. OK....now what? Well, apparently, his boss called to say that if he wanted to, he could stay home and work through our trip, saving his leave pay (vacation pay) to be paid in cash in February. Without taking into account other sources of income or what we might lose if we cancelled, he panicked and we started cancelling things. He not only panicked, he drug everybody in our world down with him. His sister came by to say goodbye to our kiddo and she got caught in the crossfire because she wanted to present some alternative ideas and perspective on the situation. Hah! What a waste of time. My husband doesn't let anyone finish a sentence, which was why it was taking me so long to get through to him. Before I knew it, he and his sister were hollering at each other in my living room. Me and the kids just rolled our eyes at them until they left and I cried. Finally, my husband asked me to explain it again. So I did. We were no worse off than we were this morning. This morning, we knew we were not getting paid past January and we knew we were going to Canada and were happy about the trip. Well, the next thing I knew, he was back in. But I had already canceled one house sitter, canceled our ride to the airport and he had fought with his sister, our other (free!) house sitter. (And when I say House Sitter, I mean animal watcher and we have 7 animals in this house! It is not easy to find folks to pet sit for us, especially not for free. Thank God for SIL, but oops, hubs had just offended her.) I handed that fool the phone. He called everyone and got them back on board. I rescheduled the shuttle and now, I think all is well. We wasted soooo much time, though. I shouldn't even be writing this blog but I had to share this story. Whew! I mean really. If that doesn't drive a food addict to eat, I don't know what will? But, so far. I have handled it without food and I guess that is why I posted this story: I am proud of myself.

December 17, 2009

4

Food Inc.

Wow! I just watched this documentary called Food Inc. It's much of the same info as the book, Fast Food Nation. I had tried to read the book in the past but just couldn't get into it. I am so glad they made this documentary. I am pretty informed about factory farming, especially where it concerns animals. I was a vegetarian for 13 years and did my share of pamphleting, protesting, and lobbying for animals but I really didn't know the extent of the Nation's food problem until I watched this documentary. It has changed me and will change the way I shop for food. Now that I am able to eat less food, I can afford to switch my family to whole, natural, locally-produced foods and that is what I am going to do. My husband is happily on board (rare since we usually disagree on "green-hippie" issues like this). He watched the film with me and is appalled at the state of our country's food processing methods. Watch it as soon as you can! It will change the way you look at food and what you learn from it could be a good companion to your healthy new lifestyle. Meanwhile, I had another good day with the band. For breakfast, I renewed my childhood love affair with Cream of Wheat. Man, that is good stuff. I added a little varietal (blueberry) honey to it and it was incredible. Later, I made chili for dinner and just ate some of the sauce. I am still having trouble getting all my water and protein, though. My Grandma stressed me out again today and for a second, I felt the old twinge to eat my feelings away. Instead, I just sat there feeling what I felt and then I felt better. I also had a ton of energy and felt like my old self. Since my car accident, I have not been able to do all the things I used to. My house stays messy because I can't keep up with it and it that been a constant source of guilt and anxiety for me especially now that I stay at home and feel it is my job to stay on top of this house. Today, I was able to do a lot of chores and chase after my kiddo and critters for 12+ hours. I even finished cleaning 3 rooms! That hasn't happened in 2 years when, before the accident, I could clean my entire house in a couple of hours. I am really really really happy that I got the band.

December 9, 2009

4

Its been a year

Do I regret getting banded? That seemed to be the question I most wanted answered when I came here about a year ago looking for information and support. A lot has changed in a year. I am a little less than halfway to my goal now and losing slowly and steadily. 40-whatever pounds doesn't seem like much for a year but I have lost a lot of baggage along with that weight. Like most fat people, each pound had a story attached to it. Each ounce was directly related to a rejection, a sad moment, a time when I didn't even feel worthy enough to express an emotion so I ate it instead. And I can't say that the changes in me are directly related to the lapband, but just making the choice to do it had a profound effect on how I talk to myself and therefore, how I view my own worth. The most important thing I do differently now is refuse to settle. I won't fill my body with shitty food because it's cheap or because I don't want it to go to waste. I won't stay in relationships that aren't uplifting and fulfilling. I wont belittle myself by behaving in a way that isn't true to me, I won't do work that deadens my soul. I don't spend time and money trying to find a less-expensive version of a particular "thing" I want. I save for it and get the real deal because I am worth it. I have learned that what we settle for is what we get out of life and I absolutely refuse to accept less than what I am worth these days. So yeah, there are parts of having a band that suck. I hate sliming and sticking and getting coffee "stuck" because I am too stressed out sometimes to get it past the band. And, I haven't lost as much weight as I thought I would by now. But would I change it? NOT ON YOUR LIFE> OR MINE.

December 27, 2010

7

My first fill

I haven't blogged in a long time. I don't know why. I think life (and the Words With Friends game) got in the way. Since we last talked, I got stuck and PBed twice. Both times were from not chewing well enough. It is a terrible feeling and I do not recommend it. I felt like I was choking but I could still breathe. I started to sweat and panic. MY heart raced. I felt like I wanted to belch or vomit. When it finally came up, it felt weird. The only way I can describe it is that it felt like vomitting from my esophagus. I have been super lucky and have been able to eat everything I want, just in smaller amounts. I have no problem with eggs or pasta or celery or any of the foods they warned me about. I haven't really tried soda since I never really drank much of it anyway. I have had a sip or two of my husband's Dr. Pepper and felt fine, though. I am still logging my food on MyFitnessPal and have only gone over budget once, by 5 calories (see the Chili's story below). I am even getting the proper amount of protein now, thanks to the Bolthouse protein drinks that taste awesome! Areas of weakness have been: 1) Cheese balls---About 10 years ago, my friend found THE BEST CHEESE BALL on the planet. They were called Krack-O-Pop and were sold at Walgreen's in a white bucket. We were sure they put crack in them, thus the name. They were that good. We bought all Walgreen's had. Then, they disappeared. Like Indiana Jones, I have been searching for the Holy Grail of Cheese Balls ever since. Leave it to me to get a lap band and finally find them. This brand is called Bickel's of York and I found them at Dollar General. The ones on the bottom taste almost like Krack-o-Pop. The problem is getting to the bottom. The first bucket, I ate over the course of 4 days. I could have eaten more because they go down easy, but I controlled myself. 4 days at 140 cals a pop...not too bad. But I would rather save those calories. Now, I am just wasting the ones on top, instead. This means I am paying 4.50 for a handful of bottom puffs but saving the calories makes it worth every penny. 2) Sweet Tea---I am addicted to sweet tea and fakes sugars taste yucky to me though I can handle Splenda in small amounts. So, when I go out, I either use the Splenda or I do half sweet/half unsweet. At home, I cut the sugar down to about 1/4 of what I used to have. Luckily, my taste for sweets has changed. Maybe it was all the fasting and pre/post dieting but the first time I took a sip of sweet tea from my favorite restaurant, I gagged because it was as sweet as syrup. 3) Tricky restaurants---We rarely eat out so when we do, I prefer a real restaurant with food cooked on the premises, as opposed to chain restaurants which are basically, glorified microwave eateries. HOWEVER, Hubs and I were recently seduced by the 20.00-per-couple deal at Chili's after a long day of walking around the Flea Market. For 20 dollars you get a salad, an appetizer, two entrees and a desert. I thought I chose wisely with no dressing on my salad, skipping the appetizer, and choosing the mini tacos. I ended up eating a few of Hubs appetizers because they looked really good, though. (They weren't) Then the entrees came. The mini tacos are not mini. They are regular sized, fyi. And the desert was a monstrosity of cake/cookie bar/syrupy/ice-creamy goodness. All in all, I ate half of the salad, a couple bites of cheese-fries, one taco, and 1/2 of the desert. So, imagine my surprise when I logged it later and found that I spent nearly my entire day's calorie ration on that one (mediocre) meal. Not happy! It reminds me of the time, preband, when I made the "right" choice to order salad instead of cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. The salad ended up having more calories than the cheesecake. Not fair. Here is how the fill went: big table, waiting for the camera to warm up and talking with Doc about how restaurants trick you into eating their high-cal food. Then, a little stick into the port area for numbing. At this point, I was distracted with a big sip of barium and water by Nurse/PA. However, I happened to glance over at Doc and see the BIGGEST NEEDLE on the planet. I nearly passed out from fear and I am not afraid of needles. I turned away and felt nothing, luckily. Before I knew it, I was done. I forgot to ask how much he put in but he said it was "Just a little". I was actually surprised that Doc wanted to give me a fill at all. I thought I wouldn't get one unless I was gaining weight. He asked me if I felt any restriction. I wasn't sure how to answer. I mean, I haven't noticed "the band in action". I haven't felt "full" but I have felt satisfied. I am losing weight not feeling deprived, I figured it was all good. But he said it sounded like I needed a little fluid so I agreed. Aside from my lap-band stuff, we adopted another cat. Just what we need, I know. But I couldn't resist. His owner died and he had to leave all of his friends. He is a sweet fatty named Fred and I love him. Now, we have 4 cats, 2 dogs, and a bunny. I am also desperately looking for work. My husband was released with only a few week's warning (at Christmas) from his Army wounded warrior program--WTU. What that means is, he is unemployed except for his National Guard work once a month. After spending over a year in the program, trying to assimilate back to civilian life, he is finding that there is no work for him in law enforcement or security (or anywhere). Everyday, he tries to run back to the "security" of military life but even they don't have work for his specialties (Military Police and truck driver). I am worried he is going to freak out and volunteer for deployment or sign up with one of the Iraq/Afghanistan security outfits if he doesn't find something soon. He has already served 5 tours, has PTSD and has had foot surgery from military work. Enough is enough already! I just want him to find a civilian job and stay in the Guard for the next four years in order to get his retirement. Is that asking too much? There isn't much out there for me either. I tried freelancing but always get screwed in the end for payment. I have clients coming at me from everywhere but nobody can afford to pay me, it seems. My husband has banned me from taking any more volunteer, free or trade work. Though, I am secretly preparing medical illustrations to try and sell on istock. Employers who are looking for graphic designers seem to want cheap entry-level staff. I even had to "dumb down" my resume to apply for a lot of them and I am still overqualified. At this point, I will take anything. I even applied to work the stock room at Target. I love Target and wouldn't mind working in the back where I wouldn't have to deal with people. But they don't want me, either. (They might reconsider next week when I am too broke to shop there and they actually notice the difference on their sales sheets). So if any of you know anyone in the Dallas/Fort Worth area who needs a security professional (or anything that's outdoorsy), or a graphic designer, email me. You can check out samples of my work here: http://www.bettysoutherland.com

February 9, 2010

5

Tomorrow Surgery and Fashion Talk

I am both excited and nervous about surgery tomorrow. Mainly, I just want to get it over with and move ahead to the part where I can eat food again sometime near the end of January. I am looking forward to staying the night in the hospital, funny enough. I was pleasantly surprised to see that my boobs now project further from my body than my belly. I am losing pre-op, but I don't know how much because I don't keep a scale at home. This is a rule that I hope to continue post band. I don't want to focus on the number. Clothing sizes---well, that's another story. I love fashion. I don't love it in the way that most women do--following trends and watching hip designers, though. I like to be creative with my wardrobe and I am big fan of accessories. Before making the decision to get banded, I was in the process of picking a new "look" for myself. It is even more fun considering the possibility of dressing a smaller body. So many choices! My look of choice has always been pretty eclectic and bohemian but I am excited to look at other possibilities now that I am an older Mom. I still want to look creative, but not trendy or like I am trying too hard. Any suggestions? How would you describe your look?

November 29, 2009

6

I ate a cookie

I ate a cookie today. Yeah, I am on liquids. Yeah, it broke down nice and smooth. I hate knowing now how easy it went down. It's impossible for me to turn down the cutest two-year-old on the planet when he hands me a pink frosted cookie and says "chuckie and mamma eat cookie wif each other" as he climbs into my lap. Those damned cookies shouldn't even be in this house but somebody stuffed them in my husband's hands as we left the party last night. He also scored half a chocolate cake which I am trying to pretend I don't know is in the kitchen pantry now. This shouldn't bother me too much. I am trying to break free of food, not continue to obsess over it in a brand new way. Ugh. In other strange news, I have a weird rash. I am not sensitive or allergic to any meds to date but I am wondering if it is from my pain medicine. I have taken hydrocodone in the past and never had a problem like this. I didn't take any today, though and the rash does not feel any better. It's just redness with itchiness..no bumps. I may have to call the doctor tomorrow to find out what's going on because it is way uncomfortable. Maybe I will try some Benadryl first. BTW, I ate that cookie slow slow slow and felt just as satisfied as if I had eaten an entire dozen. That is great news.

December 7, 2009

5

Witchiepoo is Large and in Charge

I know I have already posted one blog today but I had to share this: I am a huge Sid and Marty KROFFT fan (if you couldnt tell by my screen name). I was devastated when I grew out of this shirt years ago. It is a size large and I never thought I'd see that size again. I only kept the shirt because Witchiepoo is my favorite S&MK character of all time. Color me shocked but I am 12 days post op and managed to get into it tonight. Tight, yes. But who cares?! It's a freakin' LARGE! I love you lapband! Pics of me in the shirt

December 13, 2009

4

Pancakes with Santa

I took my son to have breakfast with Santa. Why did they have to serve pancakes? There are only 2 foods I am craving right now: pizza and pancakes. Anyway, my kiddo talked about santa all night, slept with santa all night and woke up soooo excited to see the big man. But when it got to be his turn, he froze. Poor child. I guess I understand. Santa is a hige celebrity to a 2 year old. To me, it would probably be like meeting Madonna. I might freeze up too. They are having a holiday meal at the Masonic Temple tonight so it will be another challenge for me. Cross your fingers that they will at least have some soup.

December 12, 2009

5

Fill Worked

I can definitely feel a difference when I eat now. I just finished my kiddo's breakfast (about three mini pancakes, a bite of egg and a couple of blueberries) and I am stuffed. I started exercising yesterday. I wanted to go to the gym but didn't want to deal with packing a bag and hunting down my membership card. I just went for a walk instead. My once-broken ankle does not appreciate that. I also got food stuck last night and it was definitely chewed properly first. Now, I know what everyone meant by "slime" ew! In the meantime, I am going to snuggle up with my sick toddler on the sofa. We are watching big snow fall in Texas. That is always a beautiful site because it is so rare.

February 11, 2010

3

Feeling Lighter

Well, it has been a few weeks since I blogged. I have been in Canada for the holidays and just got back last night. I had an awesome time and continued to lose on schedule during the trip. I am losing about 1-2 pounds a week and eating most foods without too much trouble. Twice, I have gotten food stuck. I am not sure if it was because of what I ate or how I chewed but I am betting on the latter. Either way, it passed without much incident. I also found a good protein shake finally! The ones I took on my trip were horrible! There is a generic brand from Shopper's drug mart that I really liked but had no room to bring back. Instead, I got a few of the perfectly protein shakes from Bolthouse Farms from my local grocery. They sell them in the produce section. They are really really really good and have 19 grams of protein. yummy!

January 7, 2010

4

Post-Op Day 1

My surgery went great. The surgeon and everyone else said I did excellent. My husband was a dream and not only took care of Chuck while I was gone, but cleaned the house AND did laundry. He is amazing and HOT. I am so lucky! I found out that the surgeon did not require a clear liquid diet prior to surgery. But, because I did it anyway, it helped me get through it easily. My nurse, Sam, said that the clear diet was the reason I did so well. I woke up in recovery calmly with very little pain. I did not throw up or feel nauseas. I was able to walk around a few hours after surgery. I got a headache at some point but was given Toradol through the IV and it quickly disappeared. The people at the hospital were incredible. I didn't run across one person that pissed me off or irritated me in any way. My nurses Sam, Siu Ying, Gemma, and Cynthia were very competent and kind. The PCT, Rosie cracked me up. My abdomen was sore but it wasn't bad at all. It felt like I had done a bunch of sit-ups or had been kicked in the stomach. At first, I thought I was feeling good with NO PAIN MEDS. It took me awhile to realize that I was actually feeling no pain because I had the OnQ system attached. The On Q Pain Buster is a ball full of novacaine that feeds directly into the surgical site. It's very cool and keeps you from using too many narcotics. If you have the choice, get one! Mine is still attached until the medicine runs out (probably tomorrow). I got another X-ray with something other than barium. I don't know what it was, but it tasted like shit. The test was sort of like the Upper GI, but without all the rolling. They only took 3 pics to look for leaks. Luckily, there were none and I got to see my band in place. Cool. The nurses told me that Thursday and Friday might be a little harder but I can take it. Thursday, I get to switch to full liquids and light mushies. I am really looking forward to have a little cream of wheat. I am also planning recipes for mushies like chicken or ham salad, pureed in the food processor. I have been craving very few foods. The foods I want are all healthy. I think that has everything to do with listening to the Gabriel Method meditation CD every night for the past week. I am especially wanting some soft carrots right now but the thought is not overwhelming me. I am not hungry. Yesterday, I ate half a container of jello and felt full. Then, Nurse Gemma said I couldn't have jello and took it away. This morning, I had half a sorbet cup and again felt full and satisfied. I am trying not to get too excited but this might actually work! I have lost about 15 lbs to date. Friends, Tammy, Joom and Mary came to visit and brought me "dinner" which consisted of one Nik L Lip and one tiny Reese's cup. They told me not to eat it all at once. Ha Ha. We spent the next hour or so laughing about things too dastardly to post here. After they left, I talked to my sister, Barbara and we both hung up quickly so we could watch the new episode of Hoarders. It was one of the best ones, yet!

December 1, 2009

4

Drowning in Liquids

I started clear liquids today. I looked it up and found that the reason for this torture is to clear my intestines. Frankly, I would rather have the doctor give me 14 jalapeno enemas instead of putting me on clear liquids. No, really. Isn't there an easier way? I have threatened to quit several times today and considered rescheduling the surgery. Luckily, I have been able to talk myself down each time. I also burst into tears twice. Thank goodness my husband is being sensitive and caring about it. There is no particular food I am thinking about. There is just this general restlessness that says EAT NOW. To be honest, when I look at food I don't really want it. But I have the overwhelming urge to eat. It's this gnawing...gnashing...grinding-of-the-teeth feeling. I might be taking an extra Wellie tonight to lessen this anxiety. (Wellie=Wellbutrin...and yes, it has been approved that I can take an extra one if I need it. :cool2: Meanwhile, I am trying to keep busy with the Jon Gabriel Visualizations, and looking at Before-and-After photos of other Bandsters. The Gabriel Method suggests finding a picture of your ideal body and visualizing yourself in that body while listening to a meditation CD at night and in the morning. I took it a step further and did mine in Photoshop: http://www.bettysoutherland.com/NewB.html If you want one too, email me the picture of your ideal body and a headshot of you that is in the same position as the body shot. (i.e., if the ideal body is facing forward, your head should be facing forward, too). If you have any skinny facial pics (like maybe from when you were younger), send those too, along with a Paypal for $12.50 to: electrawoman@gmail.com Depending on how many orders I get, I can probably get your finished pic back to you within a few days. It would be fun to compare these to our final "after" pics :laugh:

November 28, 2009

6

Sarah Palin gets a LapBand

Well, not really. That wouldn't make any sense. So why are we talking about her on LBT? LBT member, Pattygreen, has posted over 1600 posts on LBT, only a handful of those pertaining to the Lapband. I made the mistake of responding to one of her Sarah Palin posts with lists and lists of researched facts. What a waste of time. When she couldn't fight facts, she ran crying to a moderator who reprimanded me for calling her an ignorant fool in response to her hateful posts against our president, gays, and more. It is my opinion that zealotry has no place here, whether it is listed as "off topic" or not. She needs our prayers and sympathy before she does something crazy so I am asking those who read this to say a little prayer for pattygreen in the hopes that God will surround her with love that she can share with others instead of sharing hate and fear. In other news, I am please to report that I can see a difference in my body with each passing day. When I look down, I can see my boobs before I see my stomach. My clothes are loose and folks are starting to notice and make a big deal about it. It's nice but I hate being the center of attention so I wish they would just be quiet about it. I also started writing a fiction novel last night. It's going to be GOOD, ya'll!

December 11, 2009

4

Peanut Buttah Puddin' Time!

Guess what? It's midnight. Time for full liquids. Look out pudding, here I come! But someone please help me figure this out. My doctor's list includes oatmeal, etc. in the Full Liquids list. From there, I go straight to real food on January 8. So am I correct in assuming that my full liquids stage is the same as the mushy stage?

December 3, 2009

3

Here we goooO!

I started my pre-op diet today after two days of last-mealitis and binging. I tried to fit in all of my favorite foods just in case I never get to eat them again. Let's see... I went to two fast food places, Taco Cabana and Jack in the Box. I don't know why I chose Jack in the Box. I never eat there! But I loaded up on tacos, chicken sandwiches, flauta, fajita taco, cake, eggrolls and more. Then last night, I hit the bakery at Market Street for a lemon torte and a fruit tart. I bought an eclair and a napolean but never got around to eating them. I also bought a shitload of diet food, fearing that I would be deprived if I didn't have everything I could possibly want at my fingertips. Today I am have a protein shake for breakfast. The new diet is low-fat, low-carb, and vegetarian. So basically, I can eat protein supplements, veggies, and fruit with an occassional cracker. YUUUUUUMMMMY! [she says with intense sarcasm] I think my biggest problem right now is the overwhelming fear that this, like many other things I have tried to lose weight, will not work. My brain is scrambling with the question, "What if I change my body and put myself through all of this and remain fat?" It happens. And it would be just my luck that it would happen to me. That is very negative thinking but I am afraid, nonetheless. I am also cranky and stressed out about losing my food "friends". I know that in a couple of months, I can still enjoy them, just in smaller portions but I am not sure I trust myself to have a bite or two of something I love (like a bagel) or that my body won't reject something that I love (like a bagel). Speaking of Bagels, I went to Einstein Brothers Bagels twice this week and loaded up on lox, asiago bagels, pumpkin bagel and bagel dogs. Now, back to the protein shake. I am using Herbalife Formula 1 shakes. They are really good and as much as I hate to admit it, really satisfy my hunger. They are not too sweet and you can use the powder in other recipes. I get mine from Ajay's Fitness (home of the 4-minute workout...no kidding. It's amazing). Nutrition products are available for shipping anywhere. I am also logging my food intake at Myfitnesspal.com. It's free and has a good library of foods to add to your food journal.

November 20, 2009

6

I ate some food tonight

First of all, if you haven't seen the movie, PRECIOUS, go see it right away. It is very intense but it was amazing. I cried, I screamed, I had flashbacks, my husband tried to rush the screen...amazing film! Anyway, I spent most of my day running around getting last-minute stuff for my trip to Canada, seeing the movie, getting my watch fixed and picking out Xmas rings with my husband (they are so gorgeous! I can't wait to open them on Christmas!) before meeting my niece at a crazy theme restaurant for her birthday dinner that I forgot to eat. Yeah I said it. I forgot to eat...just like that "special-kind-of-stupid" girl I read about in a joke email once. So, by the time we hit the restaurant at 8, I was starving and they had no soup. (Did I mention it was a theme restaurant with an overpriced and very limited menu). I decided to eat food--real food so I ordered the mushiest thing on the menu--scallops and mashed potatoes. It came with the salad bar so I ate two beets, cut small and chew, chew chewed. Then I had a couple of spoonfuls of spinach dip, 2 shrimp, and potato salad. I also ate 3 scallops and 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes with a couple bites of cooked asparagus. I feel comfortably full, but fine. Tomorrow is my 2-wk post-op visit. I hope I didn't screw everything up but I was hungry enough to risk it.

December 16, 2009

3

Throwing in the Towel

I had my preop exam scheduled today and made plans with hubs to come home early and take care of our kiddo. He was late very late and I nearly had to reschedule my entire Monday surgery because the doctor won't be in the office for the rest of the week. Luckily, they worked me in. But on the way there, I began to panic. By the time I got to the office, I was freaking out. When they told me about some payment issues, I became even more anxious. Once that was worked out, I started obsessing about my fear that the LAP-BAND® won't work for me and had a full-on panic attack. I was ready to Throw in the towel and cancel the whole thing. Luckily, the office ladies, the nurse, and the PA listened to my fears and reassured me that everthing would be fine. They reminded me that failure or sucess depends on me. I felt better knowing I had control. It also helped that their scale showed that I lost 6 lbs on the preop diet this week! So surgery is still on and doc even said I could eat a little Thanksgiving tomorrow. All is well in the house of Betty.

November 26, 2009

5

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