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About this blog

This blog is for me and anyone who wants to read it. I can be quite long-winded at times, so be ware. :wink2: This blog will chronicle my experience from start to finish, which means it will never end so long as I am alive. :rolleyes2:

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10/06/09: YAY! Hope is on the horizon!!!

What feels to me like the biggest hurdle has been jumped! And it's fine! I came down on the other side on both feet!   I had my appt with my PCP today. I need from her a letter of medical necessity. And I wasn't sure how my visit with her would go - whether she would make me defend and justify this, whether she would be adamantly against it, whether she would emphatically support it...I just wasn't sure at all! And she said she would absolutely give me that because while she's only known me for a year, she's seen enough to know that I'm not lieing when I say "I TRY!" And it comes off. And it comes back.   She said we would do some testing to prove a comorbidity that she thinks I may have. She said we will jump through those insurance hoops and give them NO REASON to deny this!   She also said three or four years ago she would have been hesitant, would have said, 'do it yourself' but she's seen those people she told that lose the weight and then gain it back plus some. It's something about a BMI over 40 that makes your body NOT WANT TO LET GO! And she's seen lap-band® after lap-band® do wonders for people.   She said my choice in surgeon is fantastic. Can't beat him in my area and she would have suggested him had I not found him myself. She recommended doing the supervised exercise and diet program with them because she likes their nutritionist and the staff in that office are all fantastic.   She gave me copies of everything I need for the consult tomorrow - which should help some of this role along faster.   I did some blood work because I had questionable liver function earlier this year and she wants to see if we can prove it's fatty liver. If the blood work warrants it, I already have the order in hand for a abdominal ultrasound.   She said even if we can't prove that comorbidity, it's enough that my parents are ALREADY deceased - were deceased by 55 (mother) and 61 (father) - for things that are comorbidities. I already have tons of odds against me, I don't need this weight stacking my odds even further!   To me, getting her approval was potentially my biggest stumbling block. Had she said no, I would have gotten myself a new PCP and kept trying. But I like her and I didn't want that hassle which would also potentially become a demotivator.   And I KNOW I'm fat enough. She laughed at that. Was impressed at how much research I've done, what I knew, and how I've been taking care of myself in this endeavor. Wasn't asking for the answers, was asking for endorsement - and from what she said, the people willing to do this from start to finish like this, on their own - if you will, are the successful ones. The people on this website, I'd venture!   Can't be done on your own - don't get me wrong. But I'm not being spoon fed my information. This wasn't suggested to me, I explored the thought. That's what I'm talking about...   Anywho...   She said she has seen it before where people are like me, on the fence with the BMI with no comorbidities. And she's seen - and even supported - minor weight gain to get them to the "acceptable level of fatness". I find that sad. But it's the game we have to play, apparently. Comorbidities help, but I've enjoyed my food this weekend to ensure my weight today and tomorrow would not be an issue.   And hopefully tomorrow can start the six month supervision. And hopefully I can be looking at the March/April time frame.   And if not, I'll take it as it comes.   My biggest stumbling block has been passed. I just feel like now I can say "Ok, hope is on the horizon!"   YAY!
ldswims

ldswims

1
 

10/05/09: I'm absolutely useless at work!

I am so eager for these dr appt's/consults/seminars! Who in the world is ever EAGER to see a DR? This is NUTS!   Tomorrow I go see my Dr. I hope she feels like I do - that this is a good thing in my case. I know she wants me to lose weight. I'm scared, though, that she's going to say 'do it yourself'. I will be doing it myself - but this tool will HELP give me feedback. I hope I don't come across as using this as a crutch - 'cause I certainly won't be and I certainly am not thinking that way. Seems to me, though, that no matter what I THINK I've said, people hear or read what they want to anyway. So while I say "this isn't a crutch, it's a tool, this isn't a crutch, it's a feedback mechanism", people will hear - "I need a crutch". I don't need a crutch. I need a lasting solution!   Suffice it to say, tomorrow scares me.   Wednesday, on the other hand, is oddly exciting. It's the consult. I know I'm fat. I know my BMI is too high. I know my insurance covers it and I know they want me to do six months of supervised dieting and exercise. I will be eager to get that started and am eager to meet the folks at the surgeons office and to feel like this is starting to go somewhere.   And Thursday night my husband and I will attend a seminar. I figure at this point, with my research and my exploration and the fact that I'll have already been in for the consult, that it might be a lot of repetition. But repetition is good! And my husband and I hearing things together will undoubtedly lead to new questions and even clarification in some cases.   I don't know why I'm so scared of tomorrow. Because even if she's not supportive, how hard is it to get a new doctor? One can generally find the answer they want if they look hard enough. And she's generally been supportive or helpful of me and my issues in the past. I just don't want hassle. I don't want demotivators. I don't want frustration. I know there will be some all over the place along this journey - that's what LIFE is and I've certainly encountered it before and come out stronger for it. Everything happens for a reason and all that....   Anyway, as I sit here at my desk trying to look at my data, I just can't stop thinking about tomorrow and the rest of this week!
ldswims

ldswims

1
 

10/02/09: My life is changing as I type

I have had quite the week! I have looked at this procedure before but have never been "qualified". Lately, I've become qualified - which was not something I aspired to, let me tell you.   I taught swim lessons in my pool over the summer. I was teaching lessons 6 nights a week (after working a full 9-10 hour day mon-fri) and managed to lose twenty pounds or so. As SOON as the swim lessons came to an end and I was no longer in the pool as much, I gained all that weight back in the span of a week plus a little more to boot. Has anyone ever tried to maintain 6 days of activity, with a minimum of 3 hours of that activity for long? If I was training for something, I could see it. But in that time that I was teaching those lessons, so many other things around the house were not happening.   But this isn't about that. That's just one example of my issues I've dealt with over the years. Suffice it to say, I've got good eating habits, a healthy balanced diet. Six nutritionists have agreed with that over the years. I am active. Always have been. Want to always stay that way! And yet here I am.   Last weekend, I did too much. I cooked for and played games with some friends on Friday night. Saturday I was up and about for a mere 20 hours full of running errands and playing football in a parking lot before watching football (on my feet) in a stadium. Sunday I was swimming all day while bbq'ing and playing with friends and their kids.   Doesn't sound like much. To me it sounds like an ideal weekend. Lots of love and laughter and lots of out and about - not lazing on the couch (which is nice on occasion, don't get me wrong - but only on like weeknights after a long day at work after cooking, cleaning, and working out).   But I have a bad foot. When I was in the Navy my foot was injured in a freak accident and it causes problems to this day. Before I got "heavy" my foot rarely had good days. Since I've been heavy, my foot NEVER has good days - and it's now compounded by my feet having to deal with this weight. They both aren't happy. But my bad foot causes my joints to lock up. And it starts with the foot. Then if I don't chill out, it heads off for my ankle. If I still don't chill out, it heads off for my knee. If I STILL don't chill out, it goes after my hip. And then I'm laid up until my foot can relax which lately is running in the two-three day range.   So last weekend, I got myself all locked up. I KNOW my weight is at the heart of this. I used to "recover" quicker. I used to be ok.   So Monday and Tuesday I was home. Monday I was just me. Tuesday I got a bit sad. And then I asked myself - what can I do about this? Lose weight, obviously. But weightlifting, dieting, walking, swimming - that combination ISN'T working. And when it does work, it only works for so long before it all comes back.   And then I saw a commercial of all things. And I hobbled to my computer to see what I could see. And instantaneously I had hope.   By Wednesday morning at 8 am, I had an appt with my PCP to discuss this. I called my insurance company Tues night to find out if it's covered and what I need to do. By Wednesday morning at 9 am, I had an appt with a surgeon's office to discuss this even further.   I initially thought I would not attend a seminar but by Wednesday afternoon realized it would be beneficial to do so.   And I continued doing research. And I continued asking questions.   I got myself all garbled up yesterday by thinking about just how long this might all take. My insurance company requires six months of doctor supervised weightloss and exercise. Ok. No worries there. I do that anyway. I can do that. Yesterday, though, I was still thinking "I wanted immediate gratification". I also had over three weeks to wait until the appt with the surgeon, so the six months wouldn't even start until then. But last night I got myself calmed down.   That's the thing about me. I can get worked up over nothing. And I can also usually get myself back to functional without much effort. And I did. I wish I could avoid that whole process...but that's me.   So here I am, calm and collected again saying "ok". Whatever. I can do this for six months. I can get my good habits in place and situated. I can start this process without the band and use the band to finish it and then maintain it. No, the band is not a magic little thing that is going to work magic on me. I'm calling it my feedback mechanism. I need to recondition myself and I need to recondition myself PERMANENTLY and that's what I see the band as - the reminder.   And like I said, here I am, calm and collected.   About half an hour ago a strange number called my cell phone. I rarely answer strange numbers so I let it go to voicemail. And a lot of times strange numbers don't leave messages and I say - yay, I didn't waste my time. This strange number DID leave a voicemail. I listened to it and didn't know what to think.   The surgeons office called and needed to reschedule. I'm thinking, oh no, they could barely get me in in three weeks - I don't want to wait to start this process until NOVEMBER. So I went in a quiet room which is what we have in this building since each and everyone of us are in cubicles. And I called them back. And they said - do you prefer afternoon? Yes, but I really just want to get in and get this process started and I'll deal with whatever I have to.   So she says...the best I can do is Oct 12th?   Are you kidding? That's AWESOME!   And then she looks a bit more and says, actually, I can't do that.   DANGIT!   And then she says, it will have to be Oct 7th! At 10:30 AM.   So next week will be my starting point. I will meet with my PCP on Tues. I'm fairly certain she'll give me the letter of medical necessity for a variety of reasons. 1) she's mentioned this before. 2) I'm fat - BMI says it all (even though I don't think a BMI is really a true indicator. I am a lot of muscle - but I certainly have a lot of fat on me, too.) 3) parental histories put me at great risk for TONS of stuff all related to weight. 4) she's generally a nice, helpful doctor who wants to help make life better.   And at the end of the day, that's my goal. Make life better. I don't want to pay a price for having an awesome weekend. I don't want to stop having awesome weekends because I'm scared of the pain and discomfort that follows. I want to be healthy and feel better. I want to STAY healthy! I want to not follow my parents to an early grave.   Like I said, I meet with the PCP on Tues. Meet with the surgeon's RNP on Weds. And then the Lap-Band® seminar Thurs night.   I hope it's a good week.
ldswims

ldswims

2
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