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About this blog

This blog is for me and anyone who wants to read it. I can be quite long-winded at times, so be ware. :wink2: This blog will chronicle my experience from start to finish, which means it will never end so long as I am alive. :rolleyes2:

Entries in this blog

 

10/20/09: A hurdle?

So I checked the mail yesterday. And there was something from my employer. I don't know why but they always send a monthly newsletter to both my email and my house. I get to it when I get to it. So I threw the mail on my desk and headed off to make dinner.   After dinner, I went back and opened the large envelope to remove the newsletter so I could flip through it - and probably throw it away. But it wasn't the newsletter. It was a brochure informing my husband and I of what our health insurance options will be next year. It was a brochure discussing the merits of the two plans we will be able to choose from.   We currently have three plans and I have a plan that requires a copay and no deductible. My current plan will no longer be offered next year. My current plan will pay for the Lap-Band® procedure and requires a six month supervised weightloss program and a psych consult. I am two weeks into that six months.   The plans being offered next year will also require a six month supervised weightloss program and a psych consult. The plans being offered next year will also require a hefty deductible.   HEFTY.   As I sit here and think about it - that deductible is over half the cost of being self-pay.   So hmmm. My husband and I get to thinking. Can't speed up the calendar. Can't convince them "it's just not fair". So what to do?   My husband and I are both on my employer's plan.   So maybe we switch to HIS employer's plan. My open enrollment is the month of Nov and his is the month of Dec.   His insurance only requires THREE months of a supervised weightloss program.   So we shall see. We have more questions than answers right now, that's for sure - but because of financial reasons, this may get better, this may get worse, or this may get shelved.   I sure didn't see that coming...
ldswims

ldswims

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11/06/09: Ok, I'm not really a daily double-poster, but this is worth another blog.

And the blog is even likely to be short!   This regards the blogs Sigh....part 1 and Sigh....part 2 and Really? Seriously?   I emailed my 'advocate" this morning with what I now know to be true for Cigna. I figured maybe just maybe I can help some other poor soul to not have to go through a day like this. Course, it's a whole list of things that all fell inline yesterday to make yesterday happen.   And just a few minutes ago I heard back from her. With my news, their clinic called Cigna to verify this for themselves. And it IS true. You do NOT need a two year history with Cigna.   So with that said, looks like I do NOT have to do the sleep study. I am good to go.   So here we go...   :smile2::party::huh2::party:
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ldswims

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11/11/09: Two great things...and one frustrating computer

I wrote up a really nice blog. I was happy with it. It was great, IMO. I was ready to post and I was reviewing it for the typos that always get through in spite of knowing better. And then it happened. My gosh-darned IE FROZE. Dead as a doornail. Couldn't do a gall-derned thing. And there it went.   LOVE the computer...   So I am going to try and replicate the great news in a great blog as best as I can. But you know how it is - the second version - from scratch - is never as good as the first.   Great thing number one - my husband and I got some news last night that totally has me relaxed about my "insurance issues". I now KNOW that I won't be the reason this doesn't happen. My ducks are in a row and things are good.   I felt like I was getting signs that were telling me to question this whole thing. And now I feel like I've got the sign that says go forth and be successful. Furthermore, go forth and be successful and shoot for the April banding!   So I feel better.   Great thing number two. And here is where I can't do this rewritten blog justice. I will certainly try too hard to capture what I had there - and that will mean that I've tried too hard and the message will be lost.   Love the computer.   ^&*$($^(&%&&^*()^%&$^&*$^*:confused:   So here's my re-effort...   A bit of background.   I've been working my way through another blog on here - a blog by band_groupie. It is an amazing blog that is very well written, very amusing, very personal, very real! She does a lot of research for quite a lot of her blogs and she is quite able to articulate what I believe many struggle with even identifying. Her blog has been an eye-opener for me. It's also pointed out places where I am doing well, IMO. I totally recommend, at the very least, checking it out. I know there are other fantastic bloggers on here and I expect to find them and wander through their journey, too. To be honest, I appreciate band_groupie's opinion, perspective and insight - I think her approach to the band is successful because of those three things and I think I can always learn how to form better opinions, have a more positive perspective and insight is always great - the more insights I can read/hear about the better able I will be to form better opinions and maintain a positive perspective.   With that said (and I'm telling you, this rewrite is totally NOT doing justice to the original blog lost somewhere in cyberspace), band_groupie (and I know many others, because she got this from somewhere, herself) talks about www.fitday.com in a few of her blogs.   And here's great thing number two. So I wandered off to www.fitday.com to see for myself. And I decided to play with it while I'm on this "unweightloss" journey. I so totally was not expecting what I have now learned.   I have been tracking what I'm eating each day on that website for about a week now. I learned last week while visiting the nutritionist that for my current weight I should be consuming about 90 grams of protein per day.   On my best day in this past week or so that I've been tracking this, I consumed 63 grams. I am nowhere near where I should be.   And oh nelly, that actually makes things start to make sense! I have been proclaiming left and right that my calorie intake is already pretty low. And it is. My highest day was a little over 1300 calories - and that was a "binge" day for me.   But of those calories, the majority are coming from carbs and fat. I never would have expected that. NEVER!!! So now I have something to work with and play around with.   Of course, this being my "unweightloss" period, I can only do so much. But this is the perfect time for me to be adjusting to this - not later, I think.   Ugh, I wish I had my original blog back - because there were other things I pointed out and now for the life of me, I can't even remember what they were, so I can't even try to rewrite them.   Let me just say again, band_groupie's blog is quite educational, it's fun to read and it's a great place to really learn what this process is really like. She does a great job of articulating each new discovery on her path. This process is necessarily life changing - but if you never get into the introspective phase of self-examination, I predict struggles. By reading that blog, I think I am exposing new questions which I must ask myself. And the sooner I ask - the better!   Every person's jouney will be different. Each body is unique and each's body's reaction to this process is different. Furthermore, each mindset is unique and that mindset is just as important, if not moreso, in determining success. The questions are quite important - even though the responses will all be different.   So two things here. Check out www.fitday.com and band_groupie's blog.   What a difference a day makes!
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01/12/10: Not much of anything

I like to blog. I think I've established that in the past. And I want to blog right now. But I have nothing to blog about!   How do you blog about nothing? I'm sure I can find a way but I'll save the time and energy and just not, mostly.   I am down 2 - two - dos - deux - more pounds. I don't know how. I don't know why. I just woke up yesterday and it was gone. I don't know what I did to lose it. And I don't know where I put it - not looking for it, though. It's just gone. Poof.   It's weird to just lose weight. Without trying. I've done this before. I'm sure I'll do it again. But it's weird. It makes me think I can do this sans the band. But then reality hits and I know that if I don't get banded, I'm likely to continue to yo-yo and that's what I want to STOP! It's never been a question about whether or not I can lose the weight. And in some ways, I'm fortunate. I don't go crazy for chocolate - don't like the stuff, actually. I don't like pie/cookies/cakes/sweet breads/candy/you-know-that-generally-sweet-stuff-that-most-people-will-kill-for. Love to bake/make it. Don't love to eat it...in general. Yes, I eat cookies. Yes, I'll have a piece of birthday cake. But I don't crave it. And I don't want piece after piece after piece of it. And in that, I'm fortunate, I think.   I do love potatoes. And bread. But I don't want piece after piece after serving after serving of that, either. I consider that fortunate, as well.   I am quite pleased/relieved/happy about having gotten back to healthy eating. Which is not to say I'm a health food junkie - I certainly enjoy my guilty pleasures, on occasion. But I am way more conscientious about what's going in my mouth, how much and even how much I've already had for the week. For example, where I used to eat cheetos I now eat carrots. And with choices like that, and it's just one of many, I think - why can't I do this myself? I think the band will offer a kind of security, though. A feedback mechanism, of course. But, when the hormones go crazy from pregnancy (I hope) I can go get the band tightened up until I'm through it. I hope this is how it can work. I hope I'm not setting myself up for future failures. I feel like I've already had enough in my life...but I'm not going there today....   One week down...three to go...and then the last month...   Here's to hoping!
ldswims

ldswims

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12/14/09: The Christmas bells are ringing...

The holidays are in full swing and I don't know where I'm going anymore. :confused: I have that crazed approach to everything that only the holidaze can create. I'm having fun and I'm along for the ride but I'm already eager for January when I can stop knitting!   I feel like I have to worry about my weightloss AND my "unweightloss" this month. I can't lose too much. But I HAVE to lose some. I'm shooting for another month of losing 3.5 I'm down because of my bout with gastroenteritis last week - but I don't know what I'm down because now my hormones have taken over and they ALWAYS make me gain at least 5. It will be next weekend before I know where I am. It's kind of a ridiculous feeling to have to worry about losing weight - but not too much - while also worrying about not losing weight at all - and being a scale-aholic - not being able to get on the scale and see SOMETHING either way this week kills me.   My one saving grace is cold (or coolish since this is Houston) weather always makes me lose weight. I have generally ALWAYS lost weight over Thanksgiving and Christmas. Between all the prep and running around - and you add in the coolish weather and my body is happy with that - it leads to "easy" drops in weight...   So my running around is driving me crazy.   In efforts to conserve money this year my husband (HA) and I decided to make what we could. We is a funny funny word when it comes to crafts. He's happy to be conserving money. But that's where his involvement ends. I am knitting scarves for just about everyone. It turned out to be 16 scarves and I've got 9 done. I'm feeling better about getting the scarves done after this weekend.   I am also etching glass for everyone. Not quite as many peeps as the scarves are being made for. But...with this endeavor I AM feeling like I'm running out of time.   I am also about to start my bakefest. I make sugar cookies, gingerbread men, pecan butter balls, english toffee and fudge. I give most of it away. I will eat about 3 or 4 sugar cookies over about two weeks and my only weakness of all of that is the pecan butter balls.   Add to that, what we are buying or have bought needs to get wrapped.   And all the while, sweet loving adorable hubby is sitting on the couch watching football or standing in front of the tv playing WII golf.   Thanks, Dear.   Of course, what can he do? Does a man knit? He actually will help with the baking, though - we have had fun with that every year since we met. And he is a good wrapper so if I get desperate enough, I can beg and plead for him to help. Not there yet - and I love to wrap myself. I see a night next week where we are both on the floor with our wrapping factory in full force.   I love this time of year and hate that I spent last week sick as a dog. I lost four days last week to not being able to do anything other than run to the toilet. But such is life. Last week did have a purpose of some sort, so whatever's clever and all that... (Not sure I know what it was, but I subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason....)
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10/28/09

I have a job that is fun and interesting. But it can also include a lot of waiting on computers to get their act together. So I tend to blog and write emails and play games in those times...   This is one such time. And I have been doing this all day long and have read back through some of my blogs and want to update where things are TODAY.   Still not sure what's happening on the insurance front.   From yesterday's blog, I was UP four pounds - after being DOWN four pounds on Sunday. Today I am DOWN three.   The pantry is getting cleaned out slowly but surely. The potato chips are gone and I am glad for that. Still have tortilla chips in there but I am not so worried about them. You see...I LIKE tortilla chips and I do NOT like potato chips. Potato chips are NOT satisfying and yet you always want more. Tortilla chips, on the other hand, do satisfy an urge and they are filling and depending on what you buy, may not be so bad for you, either...   Once upon a time I wrote a blog asking if I was lieing to myself. And here's my answer.   Yes.   And No.   I think the reality is that I DO know how to eat well and healthy and I DO know what proper portion size is. I think that the reality is that somewhere around about two years or so ago I decided somewhere deep in the pea I have for a brain that if I'm going to look like this, I might as well throw what I know out the window. And around about two years ago - I started letting myself, almost making myself, actually, eat those potato chips I actually don't even really like and actually never crave. Does that make sense? No. But it's how I resolved myself to what was happening. If you can't beat it, join it, was the premise.   With the cleaning out of the pantry well underway, things ARE changing. My husband is eating in a way I don't think he ever has before and the weight is quite simply melting off him. Good for him.   If I do what I inherently know - and am discovering I have seriously missed - I should be ok.   An interesting conversation came up with friends last night. One friend is married to a power lifter. He competes and he owns his own gym so he can teach others the differences between power lifting and body building. He's cooky. He lifts TIRES instead of weights. Big ol' huge 750 pound tires - turns them over instead of rolling them along. Anywho. He has a competition in about a week and a half and so is on a no-carb diet for the rest of the time until the competition so that he can beef up as much as possible before hand. Great. Good for him. Except - it is a major undertaking for him to give up those carbs. Ok, so what's wrong with this, you ask? Well. As he sits there and eats all the "bad stuff" (in normal times, not prepping for competitions) he WILL NOT let his kids touch it. And so, of course, that's all they want - is what DAD eats. Mom cooks healthy, lean, good food. And they don't want that - cause DAD doesn't have to eat that. So, that's the background. In this conversation we were talking about the double standard and how that is likely to rear it's ugly head later in their lives.   And I think that's true. And I think I had never really thought of it THAT way before. My mom cooked healthy, lean, good food. It was a very balanced diet. And we did not pack in sugar - wasn't allowed to have regular Kool-Aid, wasn't allowed to have sweetened cereals like Lucky Charms. Wasn't allowed this or that or this or that. And the truth is, I don't like the this or that's that were excluded from my childhood. BUT. My DAD did get that stuff. And he did eat that stuff. And he also died from diabetes and heart disease.   But when I moved out and on my own - I said you know what - Dad ate it, so so can I.   And almost to prove a point, I bought the stuff. And I ate the stuff.   And here I am.   And the irony? The "stuff" doesn't taste good to me. That good, lean, healthy stuff DOES but that "bad stuff" does NOT.   And I'm finding, as I'm making the switch back to what I did for so long - that I AM GLAD AND RELIEVED to be making this switch!   And my husband. He's so cute. I swear by sugarfree Kool-Aid. He thought :crying:.   And then I made a pitcher of it.   And he took a sip (cause he'd never had it before and wanted to be sure it really WAS :thumbup:). But he LIKED it. :smile:   If he cuts the sugar out - that's huge - cause he DID grow up on the stuff.   I don't know why it matters what you grew up with - I keep saying that - but there is personal choice in that realm, too. That matters as much as anything.   One would think.   Anywho.   I am glad the pantry is getting cleaned out. I am glad my husband is so onboard with this lifestyle change. I am glad I actually do know how to do this and that it's turning out to not be a struggle, even. I am glad I have this time, this six months mandatory supervised weight loss time, to work this all out because I DO think this would be HARD HARD HARD if it was just all cold turkey, all just done, all just over with all with the snap of a finger.   And that's what I know.   As for me and the scale - believe it or not - it just cracks me up. How do you lose four pounds over night and then gain back four pounds the next night and then stay steady for two days and then lose three pounds overnight? I really get on the scale for the humor - so what humorousness will I discover tomorrow?
ldswims

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11/30/09: Back to work...part 3

And then MIL turned up. She brought fresh roses for me - and told me it was to make me feel better.   I have to chuckle if she thinks that fresh roses makes up for a nothing of a visit. We wanted HER not ROSES!   She disappeared out of the kitchen and that was that.   We sat down to dinner which was very nice. Everything came together nicely - nothing was under or over cooked and that is always a good thing. Super-mom's husband proclaimed this to be the best Thanksgiving meal he'd ever had. MIL's husband proclaimed that my stuffing is the best he's ever had. In my family we have a tradition of singing "We Gather Together" as our prayer for the meal and everyone joined in with me, so that was pretty cool to me.   Everyone ate their hearts out and we were sitting around the table 45 minutes or so after dinner being served when the doorbell rang. It was Hubby's brother and SIL. Yep - HIS brother and HIS SIL. Sorry, I can't quite claim them as anything to me at this point.   With their arrival, MIL and her husband excused themselves from the table and headed into the family room to visit with their son and DIL. My Hubby calls his brother "The Good Son" only half-jokingly. I've seen the reason behind that (his step-siblings call him the same thing) in the past - but I REALLY saw the reason behind that this time.   I'll just say the MIL would not come in for pie with everyone else (and her husband was not allowed to since she didn't). She would not talk to or associate with anyone else but The Good Son until he left - around 8pm. The Good Son tried to start fights with my Hubby on about three different occasions and twice with me. Other than starting the fights with us, he never really said anything directly to us and his wife would stop talking if she thought we were trying to be in the conversation. Needless to say, it was a very pleasant afternoon. HA!   After The Good Son left, MIL and her husband and my Hubby and I just stared at each other for about forty minutes. By then the house had cleared out and it was just the four of us.   Eventually the chatting did start. And from there we heated the hot tub and went out for a soak.   I used to be able to chatter at my MIL but this visit was just awful. She didn't have anything to say and if she did, it wasn't nice. I, at one point, wanted to tell her about the band but by Thurs evening had decided I didn't want to. Hubby didn't understand and I didn't know how to articulate why, but eventually she asked what my news was and he told her and that was that. Now I know that I didn't want to tell her because I felt like she wasn't (isn't) really going to be supportive. She isn't going to be judgmental, but she isn't' going to be supportive and I don't want to tell anyone who doesn't get it. But like I said, I couldn't articulate that and so Hubby, not knowing better, spilled the beans. He thought he was helping because he was thinking I was mad and therefore was withholding information, and he was thinking that talking about this would get everyone to open up. But that wasn't really the issue. It's a need to know thing and I just don't see that she really needs to know.   Anyway, now she knows. And she wasn't judgmental or supportive. So there I go.   Their departure Friday morning was as awkward as their visit. On the Friday after Thanksgiving my Hubby and I have a tradition in the works where we make paninis out of all the leftovers. Super-mom and her clan all came back for this event and MIL and her husband knew of these plans and even had to be first in line. They got theirs put together first and promptly ate them while I was grilling the rest of the sandwiches. I had one sandwich left on the grill which was ready to come off but I needed my Hubby's plate (it was his panini) out of the microwave where everything else was being reheated. And MIL and husband had to leave right then. This panini grill I have is a cast iron thing so it's not like you turn the heat off and it stops cooking. I just needed to get that sandwich off the grill and I could walk out with everyone. But they couldn't wait for the five seconds left on the microwave.   I did get that sandwich onto the plate and onto the table and then scurried after them to see them off. And MIL's husband promptly told me - oh, don't let me keep you from your food.   GRRR!!! It wasn't about that! I DIDN'T WANT TO BURN THE FRIGGIN SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Get out of my house then, prick!   Ok, calm down, Lori. Sigh....   They got on the road to head off to, as MIL called it "The prestigious wedding".   And we got to get back to normal.   The rest of Friday was low key and easy. My Hubby had the guys over for a poker game that evening and I went to Super-mom's house to play games with her and her husband. It was a nice evening.   Speaking of games, the plan had always been to play games with everyone on Thanksgiving evening and everyone knew it. But while The Good Son was there he decided it was a waste of time - and so MIL and her husband refused to play as well. However, instead of telling us that, they let us continue to wait for them. And ultimately so much time passed that Super-mom's kids were tired and ready for bed.   I'm telling you, MIL has lost a lot of my respect.   I think what's worst about it is I know how my mom would have been - all this just makes me miss her that much more. She would have been chomping at the bit to get some time with everyone she doesn't get to see and she would have been amenable to the GROUP! She was such a group oriented person. She was so kind and sweet without being a pushover. She was funny and charismatic and she could be friends with EVERYONE, not just the chosen one! I have this standard in my head for a mom to behave like and up until now I thought MIL was somewhat close. But I can't and don't think that anymore and it's disappointing! It's VERY disappointing to end up finding out who you thought was a great MIL is really just an ordinary MIL.   I don't want to be one of those when I get there. I want to be a mom like I had. And I want to be a MIL that is open and receptive to EVERYONE in the family! My Hubby, bless his heart, is so used to this that all he can ever do when she does this stuff is say "That's my mother". He has literally given up caring. At least he can't get hurt if he doesn't care. But she is missing out on who he is soooo much. But now here I am joining him. Here I am saying I have to stop caring because I hate how all this felt. I can't continue to crawl out on the limb just to have her saw it off. And while this isn't the first time she's pulled her stunts, it's certainly the worst, in my book.   Part 4 coming shortly....
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01/14/10: A blog for the blogs

I love reading everyone's blogs because I find out a lot of information. I am not reading too much about other people that are stuck in the unweightloss program from he!! just like me - and I kinda wish I were. But I can go back to some other blogs and see what they were thinking/saying/feeling back then and I say "ok". But I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like when I'm done with this and waiting on approval. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like to finally get a date. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like to have the surgery. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what the healing will be like. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what the initial weightloss might be like. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like at six months and then a year and with each 10 pound loss, etc.   I try to make my blog be pertinent and about life and I don't know that I pull it off. But I try...   And my thougts today are not that I need to add another blog (like so many of the others) saying something to the effect of:   "I lost another pound yesterday which means, I'm down 3 for the "month" (which for me started on the 7th) and that's significant to me because I'm at that time of my cycle where I should be gaining. I'm bloated as all get out and my jeans are still loose on me. I just need to keep this going..."   No. I don't need to add that. But it seems like the "recipe book for Bandster blogs" states that you must say how many pounds in how many days. And isn't that a given, on this website of all websites, that we are here to proclaim we lost weight?   Instead, I want to say, today, that somehow, I'm at peace with this danged program that I think is such a joke (sounds like it, eh?). I'm closer to done than not. On the one hand, I want so much to move on. I can't exercise or my weightloss will get out of control and that could be bad. Might not be, but could be. But I WANT to! I want to be walking - because I already feel better with what little I've done. I want to be lifting weights, because I already feel better with what I've done. And "with what I've done" I mean the weight that I've lost already - and it's not much. I am struggling to not exercise. Really struggling. Is anyone else dealing with this?   I want to say that this process, this path has led me to examine other things in my life. And like so many other bloggers/bandsters - this is my year for change. I am cleaning out the proverbial closet and throwing skeletons away. I'm not really sure why I was even hanging onto them. Turning over new stones and leaves and I feel very very fortunate that I'm doing these things at 34.   I keep reading blogs about details. But not about the why's behind them. Those why's tell the story - and they might help someone else in this process.   Why am I losing weight without trying? Because I'm focusing on protein. Not ketosis. I still eat my starches amongst all the other "shoulds" and even a few of the "should-nots". But my protein was way too low for way too long. Who knew that protein intake can matter more than fat intake!   I feel like this year is the year I get back on track. I'm not even sure what the track is - track sounds so uni-directional. But in multiple arenas of my life, I've just been trying and trying and trying to swim upstream in a river that's overflowed it's banks. I got so far off course...I couldn't even begin to tell you where the river once flowed. And I'm not going to try that anymore. I'm going to try something else now. To me, the band represents a new approach. In each of the stones my husband and I are turning over, there are new approaches being discovered. That's the nice thing about life - there is no "one" way to do anything. And if what you are doing doesn't work - find a new way. An obstacle pops up? Go around it - the view from that approach may just be better.
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ldswims

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10/30/09: Yay!

My husband and I finally received the information on his insurance options for next year today. His options are staying the same - which means we can switch to his plan and still have something deductible and out-of-pocket-max free. Add to that it will save us $8 a payperiod of my own plan that's going away.   So we will be switching to Aetna. From things I read around here, seems Aetna is good about this. But I don't know what my specific case will be.   Right now I am on Cigna.   Cigna required a six month supervised weight loss program which I am one month into.   Cigna required a pysch consult which I have done the testing for. I go back on Monday to get the results. Yes, I'm nuts. Not sure why anyone has to pay for that info. :smile:   Cigna required letters of medical necessity from any practictioners with ongoing care. In my case that's my PCP and my OB/GYN. I got one from my PCP. I see my OB/GYN next Thurs but don't expect an issue here as he has mentioned this in the past.   The good news about Aetna is all of my doc's - the pcp, the ob/gyn, even the surgeon, are still in-network. So there will be no change of care.   Cigna required a nutritionist consult. I will have that on Thurs when I go in for my weigh in.   When I go in for that weigh in, I'll see what they might be able to say about this switch. Seems that some with Aetna only have to do three months of supervised weightloss. So maybe this is happening sooner?   But in perusing Aetna's website, I found a document that says I have to have documented severe obesity issues for two years or more. I have not been over a BMI of 40 for a year, let alone two. I've been at 40 (and counting) since the start of this year. Last year I hovered around 37-38. Got off BC at the beginning of the year and that threw everything out of whack. Problem is that while I have history of a BMI over 35, I do not have any comorbidities....   I feel so much better about the insurance. There may have to be a delay in getting the insurance requirements sorted out after that insurance plan goes into effect (Jan 1 2010) but in the meantime I can keep plugging away on all this other stuff. I do know that I will still have to have the psych consult and a nutritionist consult. I do know there is a supervised weightloss time period - may be 6 months may be 3. But I can keep all this going.   And the motivation is back. I no longer feel like there's a potential hurdle to overcome.   YAY!:crying::thumbup::thumbup:
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11/16/09: Eeks!!

Whoever would have thunk it - but having all the doctor's appts last month made the first month of my "unweightloss" program fly by. However...with all the doctor's appts now out of the way...now what can I look forward to?   The only thing remaining besides the few weigh-ins I have left is to do some blood work. They told me that they would give me the lab slip for that at my next weigh in so that I can do the blood work in January.   Eeeks. Sooooooo slowwwwwww. Those appts had me feeling like I was making progress all the time. Now I feel like I can easily get derailed from all of this. When you have something to work towards, that helps. This is odd, though - I feel as though I have nothing to work towards anymore...   Sigh...I guess I'll just keep waiting. :biggrin:
ldswims

ldswims

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10/13/09: This is scary...

Am I lieing to myself?   I have generally always considered my weight struggle a hormone problem. I don't eat perfectly but I don't think I eat worse than the people I'm surrounded by who are thin and not struggling. We go out to dinner - they clean their plates - and they order feasts - and I nibble on salads. I cook for them once a week and they don't gain weight off of my food - but I do. I watch them eat desert night after night after night while I don't eat desert all that often. Not because I am holding myself back - but because I generally don't like sweet things. I HATE chocolate. I HATE ice cream. I dislike cake unless it's a very specific kind of cake with a very specific kind of frosting. I only like about three pies known to man. And in most cases, I don't bake them nor do I order them when we eat out. My one weakness for desert is creme brulee but I rarely end up in restaurants that offer it so would say I eat the stuff about three or four times a year. I don't generally eat bread except for with sandwiches. I don't go crazy with grazing throughout the day, in fact I eat three meals and one afternoon snack. Breakfast is a fruit smoothie with nonfat plain yogurt. Lunch is a turkey sandwich on wheat bread with a smidge of mayo. And dinner varies - during the week it's generally leftovers and on weekends is when I cook. It can range from pot roast to roasted chicken to sushi at our favorite sushi bar to Vietnamese grilled beef vermicelli to grilled fish...   So am I lieing to myself? Is food my problem? Am I food addict and I don't know it?   I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to be. I DO eat out probably too much. But I also think I order wise things, for the most part. I'm not big on fried food - although on occasion some fried chicken IS good.   Am I lieing to myself? Have the six nutritionists I've seen over the years been wrong when they said "your food is not your problem?"   I've had TSH tests run on me multiple times just to find out I have HYPER-thyroidism. THAT does not make sense so no one treats it. I have had my metabolism measured a few times just to find out I have a fast metabolism.   And yet the weight packs on.   So am I lieing to myself?   I swim, walk, lift weights three or four times a week. Swimming in the summer, walking otherwise. I garden - that burns calories when you are out there pulling out all those weeds with all the built up frustration you don't know you have. I am like a ping-pong ball when my husband and I TRY to sit down and watch a movie. I'm up every fifteen minutes to do this or that. My dog used to get so mad at me...he'd get all curled up and cozy and then ping, I'm off again. He thinks he has to follow me everywhere but by the time he was about three years old or so, he said 'forget it, do whatcha gotta do and I'll be here when you get back'. He has now found solace in the fact that my husband gets irritated by this, too. Just curls up with my husband if need be and they sit idly by watching me ping and pong about.   So am I lieing to myself?   Am I setting myself up for failure here?   If I'm not lieing to myself - will this work for me? Can it help me?   It almost seems like if I am lieing to myself, then yay. I can fix that!
ldswims

ldswims

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10/15/09: A pound in 6 days

I got on the scale this morning because I'm a scale-aholic. I like the feedback. I don't generally expect to see a loss but I want to know when there is a gain.   So this week, I've cut my breakfast lunch and dinner down by half. I am supposed to be trying for 1200 calories a day. This week I also went three days without a single soda. I have been drinking water, iced tea and coffee. Iced tea unsweetened. Coffee sweetened with about a third of a teaspoon in an oversized cup. I really could cut that sugar out and it's next on my list. But one thing at a time is my approach.   So funny story - last night - I about ripped my husband's head off because he wouldn't tell me which door he was picking me up at. I have three doors I can exit and I just wanted to know which one to exit. He wanted me to tell him where I'd exit and he'd go there. I wanted HIM to make the decision. Is it really that hard? I WAS STARVING and I was not thinking let alone thinking clearly and who the frick cares? Normally, I don't. But 1200 calories a day is HARD!   I knew it wouldn't last. And this isn't that self-fulfilling prophecy kind of thing. It just isn't feasible. Especially since I am trying to do this WHILE cleaning out the pantry. So I'm not necessarily eating protein intense foods or the right kinds of things to make this work out. For now, I am just eating what I want to get out of the pantry - and never buy again, at least not for a daily lunch. Things like potato chips that just do not satisfy hunger.   I would not talk to my husband for about thirty minutes over this REALLY stupid thing. And when I DID talk, my voice was cracking like I was thoroughly exhausted - which I wasn't, although I certainly didn't have my normal energy.   And when I realized JUST how hungry I WAS - I said FEED ME. And he said ok. And we went out for sushi.   And before we ate - I apologized and said I was wrong and he, being the sweet sweet man that he is, said, it's ok.   Sushi is good!   And then I was not hungry.   Nor was I for the rest of the evening.   However, this morning, I woke up famished.   And I got on the scale and I'm down. Now THAT is significant because this is the time of the month where I gain five pounds overnight, keep that weight for about five days, then drop it all just as suddenly. I should have gained that five pounds last night, in fact.   I decided I need to go about this much more wisely.   The potato chips will get gone. I have about half a bag left and they will get added to lunches until they no longer exist and that will be the end of them. But where I was bringing a bag to eat with lunch and a bag for a mid-afternoon snack to get them gone faster, now I will bring one bag - for lunch - and a protein snack for the mid-afternoon lull. I am hoping this will tide me over until dinner better.   I do know that as the pantry gets worked through over the next few weeks/months, that the snacks and light meals will be replaced with more protein rich foods, for example, or veggies instead of chips. I have known that all along - but I just can't throw food that is edible. Even if it's not the best food for me, it's not something like I have it so I sit there and eat the whole bag of chips all at once.   And I also know that 1200 a calories a day just isn't likely. I'm striving for it. But I'm not going to walk around famished, either. My husband doesn't need to endure that - and I have a brain intense job that needs me to be able to think quickly and accurately. If I end up having to do rework because I was striving for a calorie count that is just not satisfying, well, it's just not worth losing my job over that.   On average, I take in about 1800 calories - and I think that's not too shabby. I think I'd rather shoot for 1500 and have enough energy in me to be able to work out! Cause that was the other downfall last night - I managed to fix myself - but I still didn't get enough energy in me to hit the lake for a brisk walk...   So one pound. If I continue to lose one pound a week over the span of this supervised weight loss thing - that would be about 24 pounds. 24 pounds would mean a BMI of about 38. But I'm sure I'll plateau before this time is up...   Have to chuckle, though. This is such an odd thing to be concerned about...
ldswims

ldswims

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11/20/09: T g i f

TGIF. TGI Friday AND the last day before a week off! It's just a great day all around!   Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I usually even enjoy it. I just love to spend my time with my hubby and family and friends MORE!   So a few things I want to pontificate on today...   1) the whole not drinking while you eat thing. I want to know why this is? Some people say it's because you feel full faster if you drink water while you eat and that means you get less nutrition in since you "fill up faster". Other people say it's because the water lets the food slide right through and you end up eating more.   So which is the truth?   Interestingly enough...I don't care, to be honest. If it's something I'm not supposed to do - I won't.   I thought I would struggle with this major change so I'm trying to change it now - while it still "doesn't matter". And turns out...I LIKE not drinking with my meals. Take lunch for example. I keep a ginormous cup of ice water beside me throughout the day. And I have been trying this don't drink for half an hour before, during or half an hour after.   Side note. I see some docs say half hours before and after. Others say hour before and after. And finally, the last group say half hour before or hour after. This leads me to question the scientific methodology behind this recommendation. But that's me and my science brain at work...and my brain is all for science...   Anywho...so I am doing the half hour thing. And I am now finding that I can eat less lunch. Not because I feel full sooner. But actually because I get to keep the taste of the food in my mouth longer.   When I drink water with each bite - I wash down the wonderful flavors of what I was eating. So I eat more - to get more of the flavors. So now that I'm not washing those flavors away, I find I don't chase the flavor any longer.   INTERESTING!   Dinner is my one stretch. I am not opposed to some beer or wine with dinner on occasion. And when that wine glass is sitting above my fork - I do tend to continue to pick it up. Furthermore - that half hour before and after thing flies out the window when the wine glass or beer mug is there.   And...breakfast...is generally a smoothie anyway. So sorry. I can't NOT drink with breakfast...   Breakfast has always been an interesting thing with me. As a kid I adamantly refused to eat the meal. My mom would feel guilty for sending me off to school without a meal - even though I insisted so she would force feed me. On the rare occasion when she did successfully force feed me - the teacher/principal would be calling around 10:30 AM saying I was sick.   To this day - if I eat breakfast - a meal before 10AM - I will get sick. A smoothie is the one thing that will not make me sick.   And my mom tried everything. A bowl of cereal. Eggs and bacon. Waffles. Oatmeal. Pancakes. Fruit. You name it. It ALL made me sick.   If she sent me to school without that - according to the medical world - required - meal, I was fine. So around about the time I was 7 or 8 - she just gave up - and I stopped getting sick!   I can eat breakfast foods. It's not the food that is the issue. It is eating something before 10AM.   Funny stuff. But like I said - I drink breakfast. And so I can't follow that no drinking before during and after thing...cause...well...   I will be curious to see how I develop with the band when I get there. Some people are tight in the morning. Some are tight in the evening. I fully expect to be tightin the morning. I mean tight. So I don't expect this to change much for the "better".   Next thing...   2) I had to go shopping last night. It was fun - for the most part. My husband and I have been in skimp mode this year and so have not done much of any shopping at all. My SIL is having her wedding reception this weekend and I realized I have nothing appropriate to wear to such events. It's just a reception - but all of my clothes that fit are either way too casual or black. So I thought 'I'll just get a little dress that I can wear to this and all the Christmas parties that are about to start'.   HAHAHA:lol::tt2:   Apparently fat people are not supposed to wear dresses this season. I went in plus size stores and NO dresses whatsoever were on the racks. I went to Macy's and Dillards to their plus size sections - and no dresses whatsoever were on the racks. Macys had one rack in their formal wear that had some quite hideous dresses to choose from. Four, to be exact. And they were all over $100. For a dress I plan to wear three times TOTAL - I don't think so! Not spending that much money on something hideous on the rack that will look even worse on me!   Prior to this summer I could still get dresses in the regular sizes but for some reason, over the summer, my stomach ballooned out. And I have no choice but to do plus sizes now. I know there are tons of options online - but this reception is on Sunday.     It was just on Weds when I turned to my hubby and said "what are you going to wear on Sunday?"   You see...I was not anticipating a full on get decked out wedding reception. The SIL and her new hubby (for reasons unknown to us) had to rush off to Las Vegas THIS month to get married RIGHT NOW. Hmmm...that leaves a lot of room for speculation.   When you have rush rush weddings like that - you don't generally have the formal types of receptions. In fact, from what I know (which isn't right or wrong), they are generally casual parties in which people get together and have fun.   Yeah.. :huh2:   Hubby says "my suit".   I say "your what?" :ohmy:   My suit, he says. Well, maybe just the slacks, a long sleeve button down and a tie.   What, I say?   I didn't figure it would be jeans and t-shirts - but given the restaurant they rented out, I was thinking business casual was quite appropriate.   Nope. Business formal.   I have no business formal that fits. I have tons of clothes. But I have four pairs of slacks and about eight shirts to choose from right now. AND I DO NOT WANT TO BUY MORE! My next clothes purchases will be in the sizes of 10 and below - cause I still have tons of 12's, 14's, 16's and 18's. I will not buy another 20!   And so, perusing the stores last night - turns out, I can't buy another 20 anyway. There was NOTHING to choose from. I've decided I'm going to wear my black slacks with a nice blouse - give up on the dress idea. So I need to go out again tonight to get a blouse. But I do have to buy a new blouse. All the blouses I have are black or black and white. I am certain I will never live down wearing black to the reception - even if it is what we think (yes WE) of this marriage. Parents, siblings, everyone - strongly against this...but what do you do?   And I have to go tonight to get this blouse...whatever blouse it might be. Tomorrow I get to go to my one Aggie game of the season.   I am a season ticket holder for Texas A&M football. I love my Aggie football and have missed all the games this season for a variety of reasons. I don't know that I could do them, anyway. A&M is "home of the 12th Man" which means we stand through the entire game. Being heavier than ever, I don't think my feet would tolerate this at all right now. I am sure I will be feeling this on Sunday - but the one thing I can say is at least I'll get in one game this season. And I'll spend the day with my best friend from college - someone whom I've not seen much of this whole year. I am looking forward to some time with her.   Following that, my hubby and I are meeting up at the SIL's house on the north side of town to spend the night. It will be SIL and her new hubby, the other SIL and her fiance and my hubby and I. I am looking forward to some time with these peeps as I genuinely like them but still don't know them all that well, even though I've been around now for almost three years. It should be fun - and then we'll all get up on Sunday and get dressed to the nines to head off to SIL's wedding reception.   Forgot a little tidbit there. SIL is wearing her wedding dress to this shindig. My hubby knew that - but I did not. And her new hubby is wearing his tux. So this isn't just a fun little congratulatory party after all...         But who cares. TGIF!!!!! Especially THIS one! :party::cheers2::party:     Grr..for who knows what reason this stupid thing won't let me have TGIF in the title ALL capitalized! This is the last time I try and edit this...and if it works then this note is for nothing...
ldswims

ldswims

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11/05/09: Sigh....part 1

So today was important. But not for reasons that I had anticipated.   I was told I needed letters of medical necessity from every physician that treats me. For me that means my PCP and my OB/GYN. I got the letter from my PCP last month. But the earliest I could get into see my OB/GYN was today. He agreed to give me the letter.   I had that appt right at 8 am and then headed into the medical center to my second weightloss appt and my nutrition consult.   So I had it backwards in my head about which appt came first. I thought the nutrition consult was second. So this person comes in and doesn't identify herself as "the nutritionist", just gives me her name and asks if I had any questions. So I asked her all my general questions about my insurance predicament.   Man. I didn't really KNOW what that predicament was. Cause it's a whole lotta different than I thought it was. There's a new one...and it's the real one...   She didn't know, told me I'd have to talk to my advocate who was not there today. Said call her Monday.   So we have some general conversation about my diet over the last month. I told her about my cleaning out of the pantry and my moves towards the "good stuff". I really am eating the good stuff with just little snippets of the bad stuff here and there - mostly on weekends. Most of what is in my pantry will be ok to restock in the future if I so desired. Still a few clean out things - but she wasn't into that whole "just throw it all out" notion. She was more into "be aware" - which I think I am and she claimed to think I was at the end of the appt, too. But in the last half hour with her I realized - she's the nutritionist and then in the last twenty minutes she got on her little soap box and the judging began.   Oh well. I do hate that - but I have never met a nutritionist that CAN'T judge...   Ok. So no real problems so far.   The Nurse Practitioner eventually wanders in after the nutrition consult was over and she listens to my heart and lungs and says good job and is ready to send me on my merry way.   Hold on...I think to myself.   Since I now know I was talking to the nutritionist I'm thinking some of my "vague" questions might be answerable by the RNP. And two of them were. Yay!   Somewhere along the line in the conversation with the nutritionist I think to myself - why can't I see one of the advocates that IS here. It doesn't have to be anything specific to my case, it doesn't mean anyone is looking up my specifics. I just had some general questions.   And the RNP suggested that I do that...talk to one of the advocates that WAS there.   So they go tell the advocate that was still there at the lunch hour that I have some questions and she comes and gets me after a bit.   And I tell her my story.   My company is changing my insurance options pretty drastically and I'll be left with a hefty deductible and a hefty OOP-Max (Out Of Pocket) or I'll be left with a ginormous deductible and a ginormous OOP-Max. The one with the ginormous options comes with a HSA, though - a health savings account. It's kinda like a health spending account but money left in the savings account at the end of the year will not be forfeited. And my employer will treat it like a 401K and will be putting money in that account for me as well as my own contributions. That account is (according to my employer) designed to pay for my healthcare after I retire. A third option is to switch to my husbands plans. He is currently on mine but we can walk away from mine and he would go back to his and I'd start up on his. If we did that, we could get a plan that is fairly comparable to my current plan - and the surgery would be paid for. Premiums are a bit higher than my two options - but they are actually $16 less than what we are currently paying. My insurance provider is Cigna. My husband's through his employer is Aetna.         I know I have the Cigna requirements for eligibility that I was given last month covered. A BMI over 40
a nutrition consult
a pysch eval
a 6 month supervised weightloss program
letters of medical necessity from all treating physicians.
On the other hand, Aetna's requirements for my husbands optional plans are: A BMI over 40
a nutrition consult
a pysch eval
a 3 month supervised weightloss program
letters of medical necessity from my PCP
and a 2 year history of obesity
So my question going in was is obesity a BMI over 40? Or is over 35 sufficient since I am NOW over 40?   Yep, gotta have a minimum of 40 for all two years or more.   I have no comorbidities. I don't want any. My dad died from type II diabetes and heart disease and my mom died from colon cancer. I have PLENTY of risks already - I don't need to add the weight, dagnabit!!!!   I love that word!   And then this advocate lady says - Aetna is the same as what you need for Cigna, so I'd recommend switching.         No. I have this form RIGHT here that THIS office gave me that says my requirements are: A BMI over 40
a nutrition consult
a pysch eval
a 6 month supervised weightloss program
letters of medical necessity from all treating physicians
And she says, no, for your group on Cigna you need: A BMI over 40
a nutrition consult
a pysch eval
a 6 month supervised weightloss program
letters of medical necessity from my PCP
and a 2 year history of obesity
And follows that with - what piece of paper do you have? So I pull it out of my handy dandy little folder and hand it to her.   And she reads the top line. And she says - you shouldn't have this form, this isn't YOUR group.   So I'm not eligible.   Now.   After doing the pysch consult. The nutrition consult. After redoing the stress test and my cardiologist I never saw in the first place signing off on it. After having my PCP and my OB/GYN agree to it. After ALL of that - and 4-8 missed hours of work EACH week since I started down this path - I find out I AM NOT ELIGIBLE :ohmy::mad::frown::crying::smile2::scared2::wub::mad:   So she starts digging further. How did I get given this misinformation? Turns out THIS lady IS my advocate. Who knows why the other lady's name is written all over my chart - the one I am talking to is the one that has handled everything for my case so far.   And now it makes sense.   See. The problem is that I have not even been at this weight for a year let alone two.   And my advocate breaks it down like this. If I do Aetna, I will be done with the weightloss program in early Jan. They submit my package, I get my approval, surgery in Feb. OK. Since they submit the package in Jan, Aetna will want two years which means going back to Jan of 2008.   Jan 2008 = 132 pounds. For me that's a BMI of 37.4   Jan 2009 = 138 pounds. For me that's a BMI of 38.4.   It was in March/April of this year that my weight went crazy putting me over the BMI of 40.   I gain weight when I get OFF of birth control. I have gotten off of birth control four times and four times I have had the same reaction - 30-40 pounds before my hormones are back to normal and then I can hold steady from there.   It is generally fairly easy for me to maintain a weight. It is literally when I play with my hormones that I get in trouble. With that said, sometimes my hormones play with themselves - and I know as I get older they will do that even more. And those times are just as damaging for my weight control.   So that part that "makes sense".   In October I went into my surgeon's office. And the RNP there told me that I would qualify if I proved two comorbidities along with my BMI of 40.   And to prove those comorbidities I would need to go to this other clinic in the medical center where I would also do my six month supervised weight loss program.   I have high cholesterol. She told me that would be one comorbidity and probably doing a sleep study would prove the second one. So I should be good.   But I get to this other clinic a few days later and they say - no, you don't need any comorbidities.   So this advocate - still scared to call her mine cause am I gonna end up with someone else later? - says well then lets get a sleep study.   Are you drowsy in the afternoon? No. Do you wake up with headaches? No. Do you snore? My husband says No.   Hmmm...then I won't qualify as needing a sleep study.   And then she says - get this - well, you could do some things to prove type 2 diabetes?   Excuse me?   Excuse me?   Excuse me?   Excuse me?   The disease that KILLED my dad - you want me to "play around with that"? Really?   My blood pressure is absurdly LOW. Got any tricks for screwing that up?   My heart has been deamed healthy by none other than a cardiologist.   So she goes and gets the RNP eventually.   Apparently you can be determined as qualified for a sleep study if 1) your neck is too big, 2) your waist is too big, and 3) if you say you are sleepy during the day.   1) my neck is huge. :tt2: I call it a football neck.   It works on my body, I have a very strong neck and if we have boys when my husband and I have kids - they will have a good build for being football players. I like my neck. I will be happy when it loses weight, but I don't have an issue with my "huge" neck.   2) my waist is large. I'm fat. That was easy.   3) sure - I can say I'm sleepy. I sit at a computer all day long and around mid afternoon I get bored. And when I get bored, I get sleepy.
ldswims

ldswims

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10/02/09: My life is changing as I type

I have had quite the week! I have looked at this procedure before but have never been "qualified". Lately, I've become qualified - which was not something I aspired to, let me tell you.   I taught swim lessons in my pool over the summer. I was teaching lessons 6 nights a week (after working a full 9-10 hour day mon-fri) and managed to lose twenty pounds or so. As SOON as the swim lessons came to an end and I was no longer in the pool as much, I gained all that weight back in the span of a week plus a little more to boot. Has anyone ever tried to maintain 6 days of activity, with a minimum of 3 hours of that activity for long? If I was training for something, I could see it. But in that time that I was teaching those lessons, so many other things around the house were not happening.   But this isn't about that. That's just one example of my issues I've dealt with over the years. Suffice it to say, I've got good eating habits, a healthy balanced diet. Six nutritionists have agreed with that over the years. I am active. Always have been. Want to always stay that way! And yet here I am.   Last weekend, I did too much. I cooked for and played games with some friends on Friday night. Saturday I was up and about for a mere 20 hours full of running errands and playing football in a parking lot before watching football (on my feet) in a stadium. Sunday I was swimming all day while bbq'ing and playing with friends and their kids.   Doesn't sound like much. To me it sounds like an ideal weekend. Lots of love and laughter and lots of out and about - not lazing on the couch (which is nice on occasion, don't get me wrong - but only on like weeknights after a long day at work after cooking, cleaning, and working out).   But I have a bad foot. When I was in the Navy my foot was injured in a freak accident and it causes problems to this day. Before I got "heavy" my foot rarely had good days. Since I've been heavy, my foot NEVER has good days - and it's now compounded by my feet having to deal with this weight. They both aren't happy. But my bad foot causes my joints to lock up. And it starts with the foot. Then if I don't chill out, it heads off for my ankle. If I still don't chill out, it heads off for my knee. If I STILL don't chill out, it goes after my hip. And then I'm laid up until my foot can relax which lately is running in the two-three day range.   So last weekend, I got myself all locked up. I KNOW my weight is at the heart of this. I used to "recover" quicker. I used to be ok.   So Monday and Tuesday I was home. Monday I was just me. Tuesday I got a bit sad. And then I asked myself - what can I do about this? Lose weight, obviously. But weightlifting, dieting, walking, swimming - that combination ISN'T working. And when it does work, it only works for so long before it all comes back.   And then I saw a commercial of all things. And I hobbled to my computer to see what I could see. And instantaneously I had hope.   By Wednesday morning at 8 am, I had an appt with my PCP to discuss this. I called my insurance company Tues night to find out if it's covered and what I need to do. By Wednesday morning at 9 am, I had an appt with a surgeon's office to discuss this even further.   I initially thought I would not attend a seminar but by Wednesday afternoon realized it would be beneficial to do so.   And I continued doing research. And I continued asking questions.   I got myself all garbled up yesterday by thinking about just how long this might all take. My insurance company requires six months of doctor supervised weightloss and exercise. Ok. No worries there. I do that anyway. I can do that. Yesterday, though, I was still thinking "I wanted immediate gratification". I also had over three weeks to wait until the appt with the surgeon, so the six months wouldn't even start until then. But last night I got myself calmed down.   That's the thing about me. I can get worked up over nothing. And I can also usually get myself back to functional without much effort. And I did. I wish I could avoid that whole process...but that's me.   So here I am, calm and collected again saying "ok". Whatever. I can do this for six months. I can get my good habits in place and situated. I can start this process without the band and use the band to finish it and then maintain it. No, the band is not a magic little thing that is going to work magic on me. I'm calling it my feedback mechanism. I need to recondition myself and I need to recondition myself PERMANENTLY and that's what I see the band as - the reminder.   And like I said, here I am, calm and collected.   About half an hour ago a strange number called my cell phone. I rarely answer strange numbers so I let it go to voicemail. And a lot of times strange numbers don't leave messages and I say - yay, I didn't waste my time. This strange number DID leave a voicemail. I listened to it and didn't know what to think.   The surgeons office called and needed to reschedule. I'm thinking, oh no, they could barely get me in in three weeks - I don't want to wait to start this process until NOVEMBER. So I went in a quiet room which is what we have in this building since each and everyone of us are in cubicles. And I called them back. And they said - do you prefer afternoon? Yes, but I really just want to get in and get this process started and I'll deal with whatever I have to.   So she says...the best I can do is Oct 12th?   Are you kidding? That's AWESOME!   And then she looks a bit more and says, actually, I can't do that.   DANGIT!   And then she says, it will have to be Oct 7th! At 10:30 AM.   So next week will be my starting point. I will meet with my PCP on Tues. I'm fairly certain she'll give me the letter of medical necessity for a variety of reasons. 1) she's mentioned this before. 2) I'm fat - BMI says it all (even though I don't think a BMI is really a true indicator. I am a lot of muscle - but I certainly have a lot of fat on me, too.) 3) parental histories put me at great risk for TONS of stuff all related to weight. 4) she's generally a nice, helpful doctor who wants to help make life better.   And at the end of the day, that's my goal. Make life better. I don't want to pay a price for having an awesome weekend. I don't want to stop having awesome weekends because I'm scared of the pain and discomfort that follows. I want to be healthy and feel better. I want to STAY healthy! I want to not follow my parents to an early grave.   Like I said, I meet with the PCP on Tues. Meet with the surgeon's RNP on Weds. And then the Lap-Band® seminar Thurs night.   I hope it's a good week.
ldswims

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01/08/10: Fires in the fireplace and by golly, I think I'm feeling better already!

It's cold. I love it! I hate the idea that next week it heats back up. And by heat I mean temps in the upper 50's and lower 60's. I think this up-down-up-down has got to be hard on us!   And that's what my weight does...odd...parallels are always interesting to me...   I'm not up. That's history.   I have lost about 15 pounds so far. That's insignificantly significant! I am on the "unweightloss" program, as required by my insurance. Maybe it's ok that I lose weight on this program but I don't ever get the impression that it is. So I'm holding back. I'm living it up on some days, too - 6 months full of 'this might be the last time ever" crap.   I hate crap. I don't play the crap game well.   Now craps in Vegas - that I can do.   But the malarchy-game-playing-crap...not so good at it and tend to avoid it. Yet, here I am....   So 15 pounds. What does that mean?   Here's what I'm noticing so far.   I have one pair of jeans that "fit". I get to wear jeans on Friday and on weekends depending on what we are up to. Not a lot of necessity for jeans. So I am not worried about having only one pair. This one pair changes from comfortable and relaxed after being washed to tight and tight. I hate washing them. It's a necessary evil. I will love the day when I don't have to worry about this anymore as I don't remember "normal" jeans being so drastically different after a wash. Anywho. 15 pounds means that these jeans, when I put them on this morning - and it was the first time in almost two weeks - were almost comfortable starting out. Yes. Just washed. And I didn't have that stuffed feeling I get until they get to comfortable and relaxed again. I could almost like these jeans...   Another thing on my noticed list.   And these are all small, mind you. But they are starting to appear and I LIKE that!   This weekend I cooked up a lobster risotto for some visiting friends. Lobster risotto is a bit of work. There's the cracking of the lobsters to extract the meat. There's the making of the lobster broth. And then there's the actual making of the risotto. Anyone ever make a real risotto? It requires a long stint of standing at the stove keeping the rice just moist enough to cook while not drying out and not drowning. It's easy to do - but it requires usually about 40 minutes of standing at the stove before all is done and perfect.   3 months ago when I made this dish my feet were KILLING me!   This weekend when I made this dish....my feet were just a little mad once I finally sat down to eat.   :thumbup::thumbup::biggrin::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: Another thing on my noticed list.   After I noticed that....I realized...my feet haven't bugged me in what seems like quite awhile.   Wow. I can't say anything else about that but WOW!   Another thing on my noticed list.   I just actually am feeling like I just feel better!   And this is just 15 pounds! I can't wait until I no longer have to hold back. I can't wait until I can get back to my weightlifting and/or swimming.   This is just 15 pounds. How will I feel when it's 50? When it's 75? When it's 100? And finally, when it's 120?   :thumbup:
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11/06/09: Can I have a do-over?

I feel cheated by yesterday's appointments.   The appointment with the nutritionist went just fine and even as I'd expected. I do wish that I'd remembered that appt was first because I would not have "hassled" her with my questions on insurance.   But the appointment with the nurse practitioner...I'm not sure it was meaningful. I ended up missing work because everything involved with the insurance and then determining if I would even be qualified to do the sleep study kept me there far too late. I got there at 9:45 and didn't leave until well after 2 - and how is that anything I should have expected based on a weigh in?   She listened to my heart and lungs and deemed me healthy. Yeah. Not concerned! I find it funny that - from the mouth of my mom, years ago, a Nurse Practitioner - doctors, PA's and nurse practitioners listen to your heart and lungs because "the patient expects them to".   I hate it when they do that and there isn't any reason for me to be there other than - you called me in to give me bloodwork results. Bloodwork results say I'm fine. So why would you listen to my heart and lungs? They were fine three days ago...   That RNP didn't really offer any suggestions. She didn't really converse with me about how this past month went. She didn't converse with me about what a goal might be for the next month. So what was the point?   To keep me from work? To keep me from the place that is giving me the money to pay for this unnecessary visit? Do health practitioners even get that?   And then. To talk to that "advocate", and I use the term very losely, and get so much misinformation.   Why'd I go there?   If it's on me to determine my eligibility - why don't I just do this myself?   Yeah, stupid question. I know there is so much more that happens.   If it's on me to examine my diet and determine what to focus on next, why don't I just do this myself?   Wait. I am.   And according to my obesity surgery rider - I am expected to fail this program.   :cool:   That is just hard hard hard to stomach.   Ok. So I'm going to spend the next five months relearning how to eat. But if it really is about what I eat - no preservatives, no artificial crap, no no no...then won't that cause me to lose weight?   As I have read through here I have now developed a fear of losing weight. Why? Because yes, I can lose it. But as has been my history for the last ten years, I won't keep it off. And I have too much risk for too many bad things and I don't want to gain it all back yet again. So I want to make this happen and I expect to be successful. Because I want to keep it off for good. This band isn't about losing the weight. This band is about keeping the weight off. And I will do that with lifestyle changes - doing what I inherently know and simultaneously turning over new leafs. But how do you take this seriously when the goal of this "supervised weightloss program" is to "fail"?   How does that start my adaptation if I have to consistently go behind myself and un-do my weightloss? :huh2:   On another note, I am seriously looking forward to Thanksgiving. I think my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and it's because of the years that I had with the most wonderful Mom that ever lived - my very own. She was not a super cook through out the year. She cooked a great meal every night of the week - or we had leftovers - but she was time conscious and with both my step-dad and my dad (at different times) being unwilling to try some things, she was not necessarily adventurous with her cooking. But Thanksgiving. OH, Thanksgiving. :thumbup:   We'd have my family to our house. I grew up in a very large house but was an only child. My grandmother, mother of seven, lived in a very small house. So they came to us. My mom would go all out. We lived in California and had a beautiful patio that would accomodate enough tables and chairs for 60 people to have a sitdown meal.   We would have a smoked turkey and a roasted turkey. We would have all the fixings. But the best thing to me was the stuffing. I love the stuffing because I loved loved loved making it with my Mom. We'd set the bread out to stale the night before. And we'd get up at 6am to break it into pieces and saute it with butter, onions, celery and our secret seasonings. It was so amazingly simple - and to me, it can't be beat. Add whatever you want - the turkey is the best way to get flavor in the stuffing.   We'd get the birds stuffed and into the ovens. And then we would prep as much of the rest as we could.   My aunts would start arriving between 10-11 and they would join us. My mom never pushed or cajoled anyone to do anything. If YOU wanted to make the waldorf salad - fine, make it. If someone else wanted to make whatever, fine, make it. If you were tired of cooking/baking/clearning - then go watch or play football, depending on the time of the day.   I loved every single Thanksgiving I had with my mom. They were and always will be priceless.   And I hope to pass this on to my children. Whenever they join us.   In the meantime, I've ended up with a very fantastic MIL. She and I are good friends and my one gripe about her is that she moved to Wisconsin. Nothing against WI at all - it's just too far away from Texas. She, unlike me, grew up with a mother who absolutely would NOT share the kitchen. The downfall of not sharing the kitchen is that my MIL did not get to learn a great many of wonderful things in the kitchen that her own mother knows.   Prior to last year, my MIL would never have even tried a Thanksgiving feast. She felt inadequate, which is truly sad because she is a great cook. Last year, my husband and I hosted Thanksgiving. Her self-proclaimed goal was "to watch [me] and to do as [she] was told". And she did. And she did well with the dishes she did. And she was surprised that oven-roasted turkeys are better than bagged (i.e. steamed) turkeys. This year, we are hosting Thanksgiving again. And she has declared she will do more. She wants to help with the stuffing instead of observing.   Back to the stuffing, my mom and I would get up and get everything chopped. And we'd both stand at the stove with two skillets running each. It is amazing how much stuffing fits in a bird.   A Lap-Band® side note- maybe this is the wrong attitude but I don't and will never feel guilty about eating the stuffing. It is the first thing to go even though we always make two additional pans of the stuff. There are never leftovers of the stuffing. One serving a year is not my downfall!   My MIL - wants to be the other person at the stove this year. I love that.   I especially love that I have MIL that thinks she can learn from me. That is the greatest compliment I think you can give someone - learn their ways.:smile2::thanks:   I can't wait until Thanksgiving. Not to mention, we have the whole week off and that will just be a very pleasant break!   And furthermore it means we get to see the MIL and the S-DIL. They are in WI right now "winterizing" their house and they come HOME that week! Hubby and I are both looking forward to their arrival!   I love this time of year!
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10/05/09: I'm absolutely useless at work!

I am so eager for these dr appt's/consults/seminars! Who in the world is ever EAGER to see a DR? This is NUTS!   Tomorrow I go see my Dr. I hope she feels like I do - that this is a good thing in my case. I know she wants me to lose weight. I'm scared, though, that she's going to say 'do it yourself'. I will be doing it myself - but this tool will HELP give me feedback. I hope I don't come across as using this as a crutch - 'cause I certainly won't be and I certainly am not thinking that way. Seems to me, though, that no matter what I THINK I've said, people hear or read what they want to anyway. So while I say "this isn't a crutch, it's a tool, this isn't a crutch, it's a feedback mechanism", people will hear - "I need a crutch". I don't need a crutch. I need a lasting solution!   Suffice it to say, tomorrow scares me.   Wednesday, on the other hand, is oddly exciting. It's the consult. I know I'm fat. I know my BMI is too high. I know my insurance covers it and I know they want me to do six months of supervised dieting and exercise. I will be eager to get that started and am eager to meet the folks at the surgeons office and to feel like this is starting to go somewhere.   And Thursday night my husband and I will attend a seminar. I figure at this point, with my research and my exploration and the fact that I'll have already been in for the consult, that it might be a lot of repetition. But repetition is good! And my husband and I hearing things together will undoubtedly lead to new questions and even clarification in some cases.   I don't know why I'm so scared of tomorrow. Because even if she's not supportive, how hard is it to get a new doctor? One can generally find the answer they want if they look hard enough. And she's generally been supportive or helpful of me and my issues in the past. I just don't want hassle. I don't want demotivators. I don't want frustration. I know there will be some all over the place along this journey - that's what LIFE is and I've certainly encountered it before and come out stronger for it. Everything happens for a reason and all that....   Anyway, as I sit here at my desk trying to look at my data, I just can't stop thinking about tomorrow and the rest of this week!
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10/06/09: YAY! Hope is on the horizon!!!

What feels to me like the biggest hurdle has been jumped! And it's fine! I came down on the other side on both feet!   I had my appt with my PCP today. I need from her a letter of medical necessity. And I wasn't sure how my visit with her would go - whether she would make me defend and justify this, whether she would be adamantly against it, whether she would emphatically support it...I just wasn't sure at all! And she said she would absolutely give me that because while she's only known me for a year, she's seen enough to know that I'm not lieing when I say "I TRY!" And it comes off. And it comes back.   She said we would do some testing to prove a comorbidity that she thinks I may have. She said we will jump through those insurance hoops and give them NO REASON to deny this!   She also said three or four years ago she would have been hesitant, would have said, 'do it yourself' but she's seen those people she told that lose the weight and then gain it back plus some. It's something about a BMI over 40 that makes your body NOT WANT TO LET GO! And she's seen lap-band® after lap-band® do wonders for people.   She said my choice in surgeon is fantastic. Can't beat him in my area and she would have suggested him had I not found him myself. She recommended doing the supervised exercise and diet program with them because she likes their nutritionist and the staff in that office are all fantastic.   She gave me copies of everything I need for the consult tomorrow - which should help some of this role along faster.   I did some blood work because I had questionable liver function earlier this year and she wants to see if we can prove it's fatty liver. If the blood work warrants it, I already have the order in hand for a abdominal ultrasound.   She said even if we can't prove that comorbidity, it's enough that my parents are ALREADY deceased - were deceased by 55 (mother) and 61 (father) - for things that are comorbidities. I already have tons of odds against me, I don't need this weight stacking my odds even further!   To me, getting her approval was potentially my biggest stumbling block. Had she said no, I would have gotten myself a new PCP and kept trying. But I like her and I didn't want that hassle which would also potentially become a demotivator.   And I KNOW I'm fat enough. She laughed at that. Was impressed at how much research I've done, what I knew, and how I've been taking care of myself in this endeavor. Wasn't asking for the answers, was asking for endorsement - and from what she said, the people willing to do this from start to finish like this, on their own - if you will, are the successful ones. The people on this website, I'd venture!   Can't be done on your own - don't get me wrong. But I'm not being spoon fed my information. This wasn't suggested to me, I explored the thought. That's what I'm talking about...   Anywho...   She said she has seen it before where people are like me, on the fence with the BMI with no comorbidities. And she's seen - and even supported - minor weight gain to get them to the "acceptable level of fatness". I find that sad. But it's the game we have to play, apparently. Comorbidities help, but I've enjoyed my food this weekend to ensure my weight today and tomorrow would not be an issue.   And hopefully tomorrow can start the six month supervision. And hopefully I can be looking at the March/April time frame.   And if not, I'll take it as it comes.   My biggest stumbling block has been passed. I just feel like now I can say "Ok, hope is on the horizon!"   YAY!
ldswims

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11/10/09: Do you want some cheese with that?

I hate insurance. I got slapped with another insurance problem yesterday but it is what it is and therefore that's it. For history's documentation, I'll just say our deductibles are determined by our "eligible compensation". 2008's eligible compensation will be used for 2010's deductible and OOP-Max determination. And since I work in the oil and gas industry and 2008 was a boom year for exploration - my "eligible compensation" was 40% more than it was this year, 2009. So next year I have the highest deductible possible, the highest OOP-Max possible - while making 40% less (at min) than anyone else that will be in that category.   No, it's not the insurance company's fault on that one, that's my good ol' employer. And I understand the theory that my salary should always be rising. Doggoneit though I wish it were! I HATE THIS! We've had to make some very drastic cuts this year because of losing >40% of our income - and now to be slapped with this...just no pleasantness about it!   Sigh.   On with the world, though....   It is what it is.   I just feel the need to gripe and whine today. I can't believe what a GRRR process this is and then to aggravate it with these insurance issues...and then time is ticking so so very slowly.   Will this even be a possibility? I do not know. That remains to be seen. Given a 40% salary reduction that we are still struggling with and max possible deductions and OOP-Max's, well...this may be a stretch. And that just bites. But it will be next year before I know the answer to that.   Which means to continue with this gall-derned "unweightloss" program.   This program is so laughable to me. My unassurance company requires you to "fail".   Why bother with the expense then?   I think my problem is that I want to know how this all turns out! I've said before I don't deal well with uncertainty and it's still true.   I've satisfied just about all the requirements my unassurance company has.   Psych consult = done Nutritionist visit = done Letters of medical necessity from all following physicians = done Clearance from Cardiologist for a non-existent issue = done   All I have left is a physical and letter of medical necessity by and from the surgeon and bloodwork (TSH test), as well as to fail the six month ridiculous "unweightloss" program.   So why do all this if 1) turns out I can't afford it or 2) turns out my unassurance company will deny it or 3) who knows what kind of poppycock excuse they'll come up with.   I want to feel like there is hope to work toward. And I do not. I want to feel like it is worthwhile and useful for me to continue with the "unweightloss" program. And I do not. I want to feel like I am moving forward. And I do not. I want to feel like five more months and I am officially onto a new life. And I definitely do not!   Sigh.   Is this unassurance quagmire a sign?   Should I be on my husband's coverage aferall? That requires a 2 year history which I don't have...but it is better coverage.   Will my husband get a new and better paying job negating all this worry I have about the financial issues?   Do I pursue a new job myself?   I hate that the business world has developed into a place where loyalty is no longer desired or even rewarded. I want to be loyal to a company. But I can't give them what they can't give me! I started with this company feeling as though - 'wow, they really want to take care of me'. Now that feeling is - 'wow, they really do not care about me!' I'd be fine if the pendulum swung to the middle - but it is now absolutely about the bottom line. Interestingly enough, moral is quite low. There will be repercussions for this, but when and how drastic are yet to be seen.   I started today with the notion that I would be begging for time to speed up a smidge. If that would happen I could at least get closer to having some answers. But it's not so much about that as a true whine-fest. Not my normal modus operandi, I believe, but it is something that does happen with me periodically.   And so now maybe I can get on with it. This is out of my system - although that isn't really true. This will fester with me for quite awhile.   I feel like this whole year has been about being slapped down. And while my husband and I both are fortunate, thus far, in being able to keep our jobs, we are certainly, as are most everyone else, enduring a year we did not quite foresee. Will this - CAN THIS - turn around?   I have to chuckle - I think my aggravation with the unassurance slaps is really because of all the fear and worry I am really feeling about everything else. I can generally roll with the punches pretty well - but sometimes the punches I react to are not really what I'm upset about.
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10/07/09: Well then...

Went in for my appt today. Thought I was excited and thought I was so ready to go and couldn't wait to get started.   And I have to wait...   Turns out, if I'd already done my six months supervised thing then I could just move on and go on with the process. But since I still need to do that - they need me to go somewhere else.   I can still have the same surgeon.   But the location just became a pain in the something. Whereas I thought I'd be going to an office about 10 miles from home, now I get to fight traffic to get to the medical center which is not even remotely near my normal beaten path - and my normal beaten path encompasses a lot of Houston.   I can still do the surgery at the same hospital which is close to home. But I will most likely have to do the fills there at that place I did not want to go to. This Dr. is trying to get a program up and running with all of the extras - the fills, the nutritionist, the mental health professional, you know, all of the above - at the hospital where his office is. So there might be a chance that by the time I can have the surgery they might be able to do fills there.   This Dr. just moved into this office that I visited today. Boxes of medical records are still sitting everywhere. 'Just moved in' means - a month and two days ago. I asked because I found it odd that the pictures are not on the walls, just propped against the walls, found it odd that the records are not filed in a nice looking file cabinet syste, found it odd that entire counters are blank. You'd think they'd want to get settled...   On the good side, the Nurse Practictioner I saw told me about this surgeon's philosophy and I like it. So between what I've heard from my friend the nurse anesthetist and my own primary care, I am feeling comfortable with the surgeon and these groups.   And this office is affiliated with the one they referred me to. That same Nurse Practictioner told me that office has a group of office staff that absolutely KNOW how to get these things approved and having them on my side will be good.   She told me I DO need to prove a comorbidity even though my insurance company is claiming I only need one if the BMI is 35-39. Since my BMI is over 40, shouldn't need one, but I will follow their lead on that! She told me this office has everything in place to do everything basically. And a number of their people who are on staff for the various aspects of this have had the procedure done themselves. She said there's a great support structure that comes with this office, whereas the office I visited cannot make the same claim.   So now the part that I really don't like. I have to wait for them to call me to even get the appt to get things going. And it can be up to two weeks before they call. I don't care if my appt is next month, I'll just feel better when I know I have an APPT!   Please call, please call, please call!!!
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01/27/10: Un-news-worthy news

Good Morning. Good Day. Happy Wednesday. To some that means Happy Hump Day.   I am now rambling on a new website. My very own blog on blogspot.   http://ldswims-journeytoembrace.blogspot.com/   I am of the mind that I don't want to read only about the band and it's journey. I want to read about the person and the person's journey with the band. Namely I want to read about life. And that's what I want to blog about. On this site I feel guilty for doing so - although no one has ever said anything. But because of that guilt (self-imposed) and wanting to have a page that I created, a page that is me, I liked what Band_Groupie did and so decided to do the same.   I am still in the midst of transferring my older blogs over there. But anything from 1/22 and onwards is only on   http://ldswims-journeytoembrace.blogspot.com/   I hope to see you there!   And like BG, I'll still be here - although, in my case, probably just lurking around...   PS - the page is still a work in progress - but that will always be the case. :thumbup:
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11/30/09: Back to work...part 1

This is quite long so I'm sure this will end up in multiple parts. But I was gone for a week, so it is what it is. Taking last week off was heaven. And now I'm glad to be back at work so that I can relax. :sleep: Overallw we had a fantastic Thanksgiving and I had so much fun getting ready for it. It all started with Friday night. My hubby and I got some movies on the way home from work and curled up on the couch to watch them. It was a nice evening - although late as we didn't sit down to watch those movies until after 10pm and I had to be up at 8am the next morning... Saturday - didn't make that 8am wake up call. Nor did I make the 9am wake up call. :sleep2: Around about 9:45 I finally did drag my sleepy bum out of bed and I hightailed it around the house to get packed and sorted for what Hubby needed to bring up for me - and then I headed out to pick up the best friend from college so we could return to our old stomping grounds for a football game against Baylor. It was downright chilly in the stadium. It misted and spitted on us all the way up to College Station and we were not prepared for wet weather as ALL reports said the rain would be gone by noon. Kick off was at 2:30 so we didn't take along anything to help keep us dry. But at 2:30 - the hissing and spitting and misting was still in full force. Added to that just-enough-to-get-you-damp factor was a breeze that was blowing the 53 degree air straight into us from all directions. It was chilly. And who in the world prepares for a chilly game...in November...IN TEXAS? We shouldn't have weather like this until January! :cool: Love global warming. But I won't get on that soapbox... The game was good. And although it was only Baylor we won anyway. We are rebuilding our program right now and it always feels like - ok, we are finally turning things around - and then something like Baylor will come along and blow that all away. But we won. And we played a good game. I never expected much out of this season. Our program was so devastated by our last coach and this coach is just finishing his second year. Next year I expect to see real progress...as the players mature and all that. And with the Sat game against Baylor and the Thursday (Thanksgiviing) game against tu (that's what Ags call UT-Austin, in case you were wondering) I am seeing something that will be a lot more fun to watch next year. Anywho, I'll get off this soapbox now, too. I had a great time with my long lost friend from college. We live fairly close - but it's just far enough away...she is on the north side of Houston and I'm on the south side...so we don't see each other nearly as much as we'd like. I told her all about the lap-band because I knew she wouldn't judge. We've both had a lot of laughs at my fat-scapades and I know she'll support this decision and even life after banding. She has always insisted - prior to this year - that I'm not as fat as I think I am and we had a good laugh when I said "I think I finally really am fat". She could no longer argue with me. It was actually pretty cute and believe it or not, it affirmed me in this decision. She's never been one to lie to me about how twisted my self-image is. Nor do I with her. 'Tis part of why we are such great friends - how often do you find someone you can REALLY be honest with? Brutally honest. And have them love you more for it? Anywho. After the game we headed back to H-town where I dropped her off at home. And from there I headed to my SIL's house where I met back up with my hubby. We played a game called "Apples to Apples" into the wee hours of the morning. That was a fun game. My hubby and I stayed up with the SIL until well after 4:30 am talking about the changes that marriage requires. My hubby and I have been married about a year and a half and still have tons to learn. But we were both surprised by the fact that on May 10th when we said "I do" - everything CHANGED. We lived together for a year before getting married and thought we had it all in the bag since we had already combined our lives. SIL is now going through the same thing with her new hubby. And she was quite relieved to know - it's normal. My hubby and I say that it was after our first anniversary that we actually got into what we had expected our "honeymoon phase" to be like. After our three hours of sleep we got up and got all dolled up for the reception of the SIL and her new hubby. And then we headed off for downtown Houston where a restaurant's upstairs had been rented out for the event. Friday night I ended up finding a perky pink sweater that my husband claimed was flattering on me. He's so sweet. I don't know that I agree - but it wasn't hideous like everything else I'd seen the evening before. That's the last thing I'll buy at this size. That sweater will do well for Christmas and anything else that might come along for the next few months. It's not a heavy sweater at all, so it can work with multiple seasons. The reception on Sunday was fun. We enjoyed being with the family for the few hours and also were glad to get on the road for home late in the afternoon. We live about an hour south of Houston so we were exhausted by the time we made it home around 6 that evening. And from there Hubby and a neighbor had signed me up for making them a rack of lamb. I served that with Greek potatoes and roasted green beans. Suffice it to say, it was a very late dinner. Be back with part 2 next... :thumbup:
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11/30/09: Back to work...part 2

All through last week I averaged one meal a day and I was never hungry. It's interesting to me when I have time periods like this. I kept expecting to wake up, get on the scale as I always do, and to see a drop in weight. But all through the week I never did. I was not eating crap, per se, but I was not holding back, either - as losing weight is somehow or another not what I want to be doing right now. Ok, said that wrong. I DO want to. But I can't. Not physically can't - but in terms of eligibility... Anywho. :thumbup: Monday was a rather lazy day. My hubby and I ran some errands but we were around the house and just chillin, too. Monday was the only day that was rather calm like that, so that was a bit of a surprise. After the weekend we had, we did sleep quite late on Monday. Tuesday was a trip to the grocery store and a few more odds and ends of errands. Not much else excitement that day. Wednesday was a neighbor and I taking another neighbor out for her birthday. The birthday girl is a mother of five with kids ranging from just about a year old up to 9 years. She never gets to have me-time because her husband is in the middle of getting his business off the ground. So we stole her away and took her for a pedicure, something she has not had since quite awhile before her baby was born. And from there we went to a local place called the Charleston Tea Room. I was expecting tea and scones and finger sandwiches but it was really just a sandwich shop that had two flavors of iced teas and the full assortment of hot teas. Given that this is Texas, though - after having the quite chilly weekend, this particular day was in the low-70's and everyone was drinking iced tea. They say in Texas - if you don't like the weather you have two options. 1) wait ten minutes. 2) drive ten miles. It's true. :sleep: We stopped at a shop that was right next door and perused their incredibly over-priced junk, too. This shop wanted to be an upscale sort of affair and it was just more of the same ol' same ol' with prices that averaged twice as much as most other places. They were in the middle of a "huge sale" in efforts to get people to spend some money there. There was tons of foot traffic and not one single person buying any of the stuff. I figure - if they want to get some income going, they need to drop the prices. Unfortunately, as we walked in the door they hit us with their "select savings program" and email addresses were given. We all thought the store looked cute and like our own styles so we gladly gave over those precious email addresses. And then we started looking and saw wall sconces - average quality wall sconces - selling for $185 EACH! Eventually it was time to wander home as the babies were getting hungry. So I got home and grabbed the Hubby and said come on, les go. He dutifully put on some shoes and we headed out for something or another. At this point, I can't tell you where we went or what we did - but I know I enjoyed the afternoon with my sweetheart! When we got back home I grabbed all the pie making ingredients and headed over to super-Mom's house to bake pies. We made two pumpkins, a pecan and a buttermilk pecan. We then peeled and cut up the potatoes (10lbs) to leave them soaking in water and got the green beans all snapped and cleaned. I headed back home with the potatoes and the green beans and I pre-made the green beans so they'd be ready to toss in the green bean casserole. In the past I've always used canned green beans for that casserole and decided this year to do fresh as I generally like them better. Oh how the flavor was packing in that dish. I will never used canned again! I also pre-made the pudding for a Banana Cream Pie for my Hubby and whipped up the cranberry relish. Thursday it was up at 7am to get the stuffing started. Super-Mom came over to help out while the children slept the morning away. She did bring her oldest daughter along. I've been told that when the oldest daughter gets a few more years under her belt she will be coming to me for cooking lessons. This neighborhood of mine thinks I am a gourmet chef. It's flattering that they like my food but truth be told - I just follow recipes. I'm just really good about trying new things and new techniques. That is the only thing that sets me apart. Yes, I have developed a few of my own things and I always adapt recipes to my own styles. But I generally always have a starting point from someone or something else. We got the stuffing done and I rubbed the bird with a fennel seed, coriander seed and black peppercorn mix. With the bird cleaned and stuffed and nestled nicely in the roasting pan he went in the backyard on the grill. I was amazed at how quickly that bird cooked. A 22 pound bird plus and it was done in a little over two hours. We actually dropped the temperature quite a bit to get the cooking to slow down but the bird was out by about 12:30. From there we got the rest of the veggies chopped. I make a broccoli rice casserole and a cauliflower gratin. Those veggies all were steamed and ready to go for later. The sweet potatoes had been cooked the night before and with them now cold they then were peeled and ready as well. I went ahead and made the rice for the broccoli rice casserole and chopped and grated and minced whatever I could. And then it was break time. Super-mom went back across the street and Hubby and I headed south to put a fresh set of flowers on his grandmother's grave. I wish I could have met this woman - I think she is the sole reason why my Hubby is such a gracious sharing easy-going human being. She taught him his manners and insisted on keeping him in line. I have now learned so much about his mother but I cannot say any of the good qualities in my Hubby can be attributed to her. He has never claimed that, and in fact has always claimed his grandmother was more of an influence on his good upbringing than anyone else. I always thought, ah, well, MIL HAS to have been a good influence. But with the unfolding of the past few weeks and especially Thursday, I can't claim otherwise now. On a very personal note I always ask my Hubby who I'm most like - mother, step-mother or grandmother. And luckily for me, he does not think I'm like his mom. Don't get me wrong, she has some great qualities - but mothering was not one of them. On the same token, my Hubby is most like, personality wise, my own Mom - that easy-going thing being one of the greatest characteristics. Anywho... We cleaned up the grave site a bit and shoo-ed away the ants with some fire ant killer. And with the fresh flowers placed there was a touching moment where I was glad to be alone with my Hubby. We are usually there with the in-law's... From there we headed back home and then the kitchen turned into a whirlwind of activity. My sweet Hubby set the table and opened the wines and cleaned up behind Super-mom and I. He would also get either of us a cup of this or that on request. I finished off the cauliflower gratin (the most amazing cauliflower dish you'll ever eat!) and made the gravy. I chopped and chopped for the waldorf salad and got the biscuits ready to go. We made the Red Lobster biscuits and Super-mom was surprised at how easy they are. I'm telling you, it's just about trying the recipes... Super-mom whipped up the mashed potatoes and the yams. And she assembled the broccoli rice casserole. Hubby put together the green bean casserole and everything went in the oven. Back for part 3 in a jiffy... :sleep2:
ldswims

ldswims

1
 

12/02/09: All we can do

All we can do is look forward to the next thing. I am not banded. All I can do is look forward to the day when I am.   For those just banded - all you can do is look forward to the day that bandster hell is finally over and weightloss truly begins.   For those in weightloss - all you can do is look forward to the day when you hit your goal weight.   For those at goal weight - all you can do is look forward to the day that you never gain an ounce back.   Doesn't seem so bad to me. I love looking forward to things! And what I look forward to changes daily. That's ok - figuring out new goals and projects is part of the fun of life!   What will I be like when this unweightloss program is over? What will I be like when I am banded and mad? What will I be like when I realize there was no reason to be mad and progress IS happening? What will I be like when I realize I AM losing weight for good? Will I remember the frustration of the previous phase and stop worrying? I hope so. I cannot wait to find out!   Disclaimer - this is in no way meant to be thorough or complete about all the all-we-can-do's we run into in life or with the band. This is just something to remind me that struggles happen and perspective matters!
ldswims

ldswims

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