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About this blog

This blog is for me and anyone who wants to read it. I can be quite long-winded at times, so be ware. :wink2: This blog will chronicle my experience from start to finish, which means it will never end so long as I am alive. :rolleyes2:

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12/28/09: Christmas is over?

Is Christmas really over? I guess since I'm back to work and everything is now gearing up for bringing in the New Year, I suppose that does mean that Christmas really IS over. :drool:   I had a great Christmas. We spent Christmas Eve evening with my husband's father's side of the family. Aside from having to drive almost an hour and a half each way to get there, it was a good time. We spent Christmas day at home. Mostly. Christmas morning we were home together. That afternoon we got together with our neighbors for a feast. They cooked a turkey and I cooked a prime rib roast. I also did my cauliflower gratin - which is one of my all time fave dishes! In addition to that, I did a batch of my stuffing, my cranberry relish and my green bean casserole which people say is "just different and better" than theirs. I use fresh green beans and I'm sure it's how I cook those green beans that makes the difference. We sat down to our meal around 3 and ate and ate and ate.   We played games well into the night and my sweet hubby and I had to run home for about an hour in the middle of that to get our stuff ready for Saturday's festivities. We were commissioned to bring our stuffed jalapenos so we got them stuffed and baked and headed back over for more games.   Saturday it was almost impossible to get up. We should have been leaving our house around 9 as our destination was 3 hours away and lunch was scheduled for 1pm. But we didn't even get out of bed until 10. And we didn't get to the destination until 2:30.   The destination was a small town on the outskirts of hill country here in Texas. We were having a family reunion Christmas party and this was the first year in over a decade where all members of the family were present. One wife and new baby and one girlfriend on the verge of becoming fiance were missing. I have finally met all of my sweet hubby's family. We got there at 2:30 and as is usual, lunch still had not happened. We ate around 3. Again with turkey but this time it was accompanied by ham and brisket. And lots of fixin's, of course.   I was pretty good on Saturday about not hitting the candy, cakes, pies, and sweets in general. I did eat my home made concoctions on Christmas day...   We were at that party until well after 10pm and then we headed back to the MIL's house. There the BIL and his wife, MIL and her husband and my husband and I sat down for our gift exchange. My homemade craftiness elicited many excited shouts of glee. I was actually surprised a bit as I had anticipated my MIL being way more "ooh and ahh" about it all but it was my SIL that was jumping up and down saying "YOU DID THIS?" Her craftiness has led to entrepreneurialism and so her compliments and amazement were flattering to me.   We finally crashed around 1am and were up bright and early at 9 for breakfast and then church. My MIL is the organist at her church and with all of her family in town many of us descended on her church. One of her brothers played as well, MIL on the organ and her brother on the piano. She had premade casseroles for each of us as SIL can't eat dairy, I dislike grits - and my hubby - her oldest son - LOVES grits. The casserole made with me in mind was a hashbrown casserole stuffed with scrambled eggs, sausage and bacon. While I love it - I had to tell her when she asked if it was good that I hope she understands she can't keep making these things for me. It was way more hash browns than anything else. Don't worry, I said it with tact and compliments as I do like the stuff. But I have also gotten to the point where anything but my smoothie in the morning just causes problems.   And yesterday was a case in point. Having had ALL that heavy starch first thing in the morning with not nearly enough protein in it to balance it out...I was FAMISHED all day long!   After church we headed over to one of the uncle's homes for lunch which was tacos and fajitas. I ate far more of all that than I would normally. Sweet hubby and I got on the road for Houston around 4 yesterday afternoon and after all that eating, I STILL wanted dinner last night, too. Got salads, though, so that was better than it could have been.   After three days of no scale activity I got on the scale this morning and saw a one pound rise. I had anticipated more, especially after yesterday. But I am not convinced this pound will stick as there are some issues working that when resolved will show a drop. Enough said on that one. :crying:   But here I am - after Christmas with things settling and only a pound to show for it. I did have this attitude this year of 'I'm just gonna eat and enjoy cause next year I'll have to worry about PB's and everything else' so I've actually eaten more cookies than I normally do. It's been odd. I know I'll still be able to eat cookies. I just don't know that I'll want to. And so I decided to enjoy! I'm still down from my last weigh in and I have my next one next Thurs. So when my issue works itself out, I know I'll be down even more. I know my issue is related to not having drank nearly enough water over the past four-five days. And now that I'm back to work, that will change.   It's been a wonderful Christmas this year - although way too busy. I think I will make gifts again - but I'm starting them in January. I think we will attend parties again - but not all of them. We have done too much driving over the past four days and while that was beneficial for knitting scarves, it was just too much time in the car. Visits were too short and my hubby and I are just thoroughly exhausted at this point. And the stressful part there is I'm not sure when we will catch up on sleep as we have more festivities, of course, this weekend - and travel, too. Our efforts to "have Christmas at home" have apparently made Christmas more stressful. :thumbup: So the feeling now...is that Christmas will be spent elsewhere. No more to-ing and fro-ing...that's what I say! Either that...or we move! :thumbdown:
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12/22/09: Such a long week

This week is such a weird week. I have to work today and tomorrow but I'm off Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the weekend (of course). So counting yesterday and now today - this seems to be the slowest going week on record.   While I'm at work.   On the other hand, once I get home - then time seems to pass by leaps and bounds.   I can't wait to not have to be at work. Tomorrow will be an early day and I'm coming in late so that I can take a friend to the airport.   And what does this have to do with the LapBand, you ask? You know me, I can tie it all back together. Because when time is slow then I'm sitting here thinking about how much time I have left on this gosh-darned "unweightloss" program. And when time is fast, I don't think about it (and I lose weight).   Unlike Thanksgiving - it's not just making it through the one week (this week, in this case). I have to make it through next week, too! And if I think this week is sllllooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww....next week will be even worse. NO ONE will be in the office. Projects will come to a standstill. Days will be spent on LapBandtalk.com and Facebook (playing games).   Ok, so it's not that bad. I will get to "pick waterbottoms" which is about like watching water boil. YAY! I love me a good water watchin' party!   Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I'm begging for March to JUST GET HERE ALREADY!
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12/21/09: What a wonderful time of the year...

I love Christmas. I love the hustle and the bustle of all the preparations and I love the feeling of togetherness that develops as the season wears on.   This weekend was a particularly fantastic weekend! Friday night my hubby and I met up with one of his oldest friends and his girlfriend who were visiting from Denver. We went to our favorite Mexican place and ordered the world's most fantastic fajitas. I could only eat one. Wow!   Saturday I spent the day baking and candy-making. I baked up two batches of my family recipe of sugar cookies which probably makes up 140 some odd cookies. I baked up two batches of gingerbread men (another 60 cookies). I baked up three batches of pecan butter balls (my fave - and another 80 cookies). I made up three bathces of english toffee (about 300 pieces). And finally, I made up two batches of fudge - one with nuts, one without.   I was on my feet in the kitchen for 15 hours.   After all that - I can pretty much bet I will eat barely any of it. I don't sample while I cook. I don't nibble while I bake. I don't eat bits and pieces while I decorate. Almost all of this will get given away. Somewhere around the 27th of December I will wander into the kitchen and grab a glass of milk and a pecan butter ball. And then it will all be over and I'll grab 2 or 3 each day until they are gone. But by the time I start, there will only be about 10-20 left and so this won't last very long for me. I can't explain it - but if I make the stuff, I don't eat the stuff. If I leave it for someone else to do...I will nibble on the stuff then.   Furthermore, I spent so much time in the kitchen doing all this that I burned off two pounds. Add those two to being down because of the gastroenteritis two weeks ago and I'm really down for the month. So I can eat those pecan butter balls and not feel too badly for it. Wouldn't it be nice, though, if I weren't trying to lose this weight for good? If just in the normal cycle of things I lost weight and then put it back on...because I was trying to maintain a weight? Wouldn't that be awesome?!?!   I have a whole collection of tins I've bought through the getting ready for the season outtings and my hubby and I will load those up with a sampling of the goodies and then take them around to friends and family. We are giving out about 20 tins and 40 baggies this year. I'm telling you...there won't be much left for us.   I have always baked like this. My mom did this when I was a wee little one and when I was about 2 she started putting me to work. When I moved out and got set up - I couldn't not bake and make so I kept it up even while she was doing her own batches. Most years we were back together and did all this together but there were two where we did things separately and then joined up for the holiday. But now, with my mom gone, I'm glad I never lost momentum on this. It IS an undertaking and it WOULD be so easy to say "not this year". But the first year I say that will be the year after the last year I do this. And I won't give this up. Especially since this has never been a source of weight gain - I don't eat the stuff.   Ok...I do nibble on a piece or two of the toffee and a piece or two of the fudge. And I do eat the pecan butter balls. But I very honestly do not eat very much of it and I have never gained weight from it because the calories do come off of other items through the days and the activity level is way up right now, anyway.   But I won't give this up...Saturday night, after hubby and I slaved away and got the kitchen back to clean we (literally) crawled into the hot tub, which we were wise enough to start heating at just the right point so that the hot tub was perfectly ready exactly when we were. While we were sitting in the very perfect water on a very chilly night we were chatting away at each other, as we do. And he told me...he loves that I do this.   Anywho. I won't give this up - even when I have a band that is so friggin tight I can't drink water - I will STILL be in the kitchen baking and candy-making!   (Hopefully I am never in a situation where the band I will have next year is so tight I can't drink water. I'll have other issues then...and might have to say - I'll bake tomorrow but not today.) :cursing:   Sunday was another fantastic day. We got to see the oldest friend and his girlfriend again for a brunch. The brunch was at the friend's parents house and it was great to catch up with his parents. After the brunch we took them up to the airport since we live much closer to it than his parents do and were on our way there anyway. And from there I went home and got to work on my etching. I am loving all of this glass. Each piece I have done I want to KEEP FOR MYSELF! It's all so beautiful. And I just hope that the people I give this stuff to appreciate it! Each piece is personalized in two ways. One - in the design I pick out and two - I am putting their monogram on, as well.   And so here we are, on Monday. Back at work with nothing to do...I'm just waiting for today, tomorrow and Wednesday to be over so that I can finish getting all this stuff made and then wrapped - so that it can be unwrapped. I do hope this year is good for smiles. I love giving gifts more than I love receiving gifts and I think I've got a great year on my hands - I just hope it pans out as I think it will.   What a wonderful time of the year!
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12/16/09: I had this realization...

I had this realization yesterday that I am getting closer and closer to something. I am past the halfway point of this ridiculous program and I am also moving further and further away from that halfway point... And like with Thanksgiving where I ended up finally getting too busy to think about it all...time is flying. I realized yesterday that by the time the holiday dust settles, it will be time for appointment number four.   Appointment number four means I have only two more remaining. And I seem to gather from the people that have to do this that the last two months actually do fly by - especially the last month. But all of the sudden, yesterday, I realized, I AM making progress.   I don't know what I weigh right now. That's frustrating. Every time I eat something, I end up back in the bathroom. Still not 100% after last week and I'm sure this cold isn't helping. But the scale is all over the place right now, just like my body. It's very strange....   As for my crafts, things are plugging along. I have about five scarves left to make. And this weekend I have blocked out at least 8 hours for etching all my glass. I should get the glass done this weekend (and hopefully even wrapped) and 2 of the 5 scarves don't have to be ready until Dec 31. So I'm calming down as I'm realizing I'm going to be alright...   It also feels good to have the house decorated finally. That was something that just didn't seem to be coming together this year, which is very odd! We get a live (or rather a dead) tree and because it's a live (dead) tree and it's just going to lose needles we've always gotten them 2 weeks before Christmas. It's up for two weeks and then one week after Christmas and by then it really is fuel. But the tree is the last thing up. The weekend after Thanksgiving we get our outside lights up and put all the rest of the decorations out.   Outside lights got up. And that was that.   And then I started to go crazy with the crafts.   And then I got sick.   And still the decorations didn't get out. Hubby had very dutifully gotten everything out of the attic when he got the lights out. But all the boxes sat in the garage for the longest time...   This past weekend all the decorations finally got themselves out and situated (mostly). It's so weird to feel like this Christmas just has no momentum. But that's what it feels like. Don't want to spend money, don't want to travel, don't want to...anything, really. I am enjoying the parties but it's just off. And it's weird.   I also have this persistent thought in my head about what this time next year will be like. Will I be banded? Will I have lost weight? Will I be more willing to spend money? Will I still have a job? Will I...anything?   I haven't told anyone this (will tell my hubby but no one else) but I decided on Monday I wanted to take pictures to send a photo card as our Christmas card this year. So we took the pic Monday night and got the cards ordered. They will arrive today and we will get them in the mail this weekend (nothing like the last minute Christmas card). I HATE the way I look in pics right now. And I have NEVER sent a photo card before. But I wanted to send one this year. I know my family thinks I'm hideous (and so do I) but I WANT them to see the "before". I just hope that this time next year I can take some pics that are showing movement towards the "after".   So will I be banded? You see...just about everything I do this year for Christmas is equating to "what will it be like this time next year?" Go to a Christmas party? Oh, all right. But I don't have anything cute, fun and festive to wear. And I certainly don't want to buy anything. I don't want to spend the money AND I don't want to buy this size AND nothing is flattering anyway! So what will it be like next year?   I hate this, to be honest. I like to live my life now. I like to live my life today. And I feel like I'm in this holding stage - being held hostage by the insurance company - where I have to just sit here and wait to start living my real life. I JUST WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT!   Ugh.   I guess this is turning into a rant fest and for that I am sorry. Sure didn't start out with that intention...   Oh well. As frustrated and irriated as I am, I am still enjoying myself. It's just not the normal feelings, that's all. It doesn't help that one of our friends in our tightnit neighborhood is moving away all the way to Iowa. They basically have their house all packed and ready to go as the truck arrives to haul their stuff off on Dec 26th and they want to enjoy Christmas at this point. So we are trying to get together nightly for dinner - and these are the super skinny peeps that don't understand why not everyone can eat 5 servings of various carb dishes a meal. Althought I'm actually not worried about the eating aspect - I'm finding that I am making good choices. No desert...small, if any, servings of ONE carb...   It will be good to go back to my own cooking, though. I DO love to cook!   And so here I am. I think the Christmas season has me firmly in it's grip....
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12/14/09: The Christmas bells are ringing...

The holidays are in full swing and I don't know where I'm going anymore. :confused: I have that crazed approach to everything that only the holidaze can create. I'm having fun and I'm along for the ride but I'm already eager for January when I can stop knitting!   I feel like I have to worry about my weightloss AND my "unweightloss" this month. I can't lose too much. But I HAVE to lose some. I'm shooting for another month of losing 3.5 I'm down because of my bout with gastroenteritis last week - but I don't know what I'm down because now my hormones have taken over and they ALWAYS make me gain at least 5. It will be next weekend before I know where I am. It's kind of a ridiculous feeling to have to worry about losing weight - but not too much - while also worrying about not losing weight at all - and being a scale-aholic - not being able to get on the scale and see SOMETHING either way this week kills me.   My one saving grace is cold (or coolish since this is Houston) weather always makes me lose weight. I have generally ALWAYS lost weight over Thanksgiving and Christmas. Between all the prep and running around - and you add in the coolish weather and my body is happy with that - it leads to "easy" drops in weight...   So my running around is driving me crazy.   In efforts to conserve money this year my husband (HA) and I decided to make what we could. We is a funny funny word when it comes to crafts. He's happy to be conserving money. But that's where his involvement ends. I am knitting scarves for just about everyone. It turned out to be 16 scarves and I've got 9 done. I'm feeling better about getting the scarves done after this weekend.   I am also etching glass for everyone. Not quite as many peeps as the scarves are being made for. But...with this endeavor I AM feeling like I'm running out of time.   I am also about to start my bakefest. I make sugar cookies, gingerbread men, pecan butter balls, english toffee and fudge. I give most of it away. I will eat about 3 or 4 sugar cookies over about two weeks and my only weakness of all of that is the pecan butter balls.   Add to that, what we are buying or have bought needs to get wrapped.   And all the while, sweet loving adorable hubby is sitting on the couch watching football or standing in front of the tv playing WII golf.   Thanks, Dear.   Of course, what can he do? Does a man knit? He actually will help with the baking, though - we have had fun with that every year since we met. And he is a good wrapper so if I get desperate enough, I can beg and plead for him to help. Not there yet - and I love to wrap myself. I see a night next week where we are both on the floor with our wrapping factory in full force.   I love this time of year and hate that I spent last week sick as a dog. I lost four days last week to not being able to do anything other than run to the toilet. But such is life. Last week did have a purpose of some sort, so whatever's clever and all that... (Not sure I know what it was, but I subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason....)
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12/11/09: Ugh...

I feel like I have been the walking textbook of contagious disease. At least I am finally back to walking...   It's been crazy, that much I know. Last week I ended up with the first migraine I'd had in over two years. Surprising.   Over the weekend - felt great and fine.   Monday morning, nice and early I was hit with something but for the life of me, couldn't figure out what it was...   Food poisoning didn't make sense. Nothing I ate made anyone else sick. And the lapse between the last meal and onset of symptoms was far too great. But the flu didn't make sense either. No exposure to it and while some symptoms were present, others were not.   Went home sick Monday. Tuesday felt much better but still could not eat and so ended up with a overall feeling of lethargy. Went home sick Tuesday, too. Made it through more of the day, though.   Tuesday night after sleeping for hours and hours and hours I thought I could eat. So hubby obligingly went and got me the meal du jour. I ate it. It was good. I was happy.   Wednesday morning way before bright and early I knew that was a wrong choice.   Wednesday I just stayed home and vowed to go to the doc. My PCP couldn't see me, her schedule was full - but another doc in the practice had availability. GREAT! Just don't make me pay the urgent care fee - I'll be happy to see anyone for my normal copay.   Wednesday morning, as I was trying to get to sleep in between hourly trips to the restroom, it occurred to me - this might be gastroenteritis.   Wednesday afternoon it was confirmed.   I was told it was viral which meant I could take some OTC's to relieve the most annoying symptom of all. I was also given a scrip for phenargen so that I could start to ingest water and watered-down-gatorade. I was also told to stay home on Thurs as it was quite contagious.   Thursday, feeling better and finally rested, I started to come down with a cold that I knew was lurking in the sidewings. Apparently with enough energy to consume, NOW the cold feels like it can make it's presence known. So today is the stuffed up, coughing, aching (which has been there all along), can't breathe day. Oh well. I'll take this over the last thing if I've got no other choice...   Since Monday at 6:30 am I have lost 10 pounds. SOOOOO not how I wanted to lose 10 pounds! We'll see where I end up when things "normalize". Is this my 10 pounds for the month leaving me with the option of eating-what-I-want-over-Christmas?
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12/08/09: Half way there

I have had an interesting time since last blogging.   Thursday I woke up grumpy as all get out. My hubby and I carpool and for the life of him, that morning, he could do nothing right. I griped and complained and tore new a-holes all while he sat patiently by my side waiting for it to end. Just about the time we were getting to the freeway for our drive in Houston I realized...I was getting a migraine. First one in over two years.   I dallyied with the idea of going home but thought, nah, it will all be ok. So we got on the freeway - me still griping away at my sweetheart of a hubby. And we were just about out of Clear Lake when the pain and the auras kicked in. I was done. I turned around and went home.   Hubby got back in that same car and went to work. I closed the drapes and the doors and silenced the phone and crawled into bed. And I stayed that way all day with blankets over my head even though the room was pitch black.   Yeah, not having a migraine in over two years seems to have led to a build up. Thursday night I was worse than ever and took some of my hard core migraine meds. Those made me feel like crap but the migraine did lessen up a bit. And so when I woke up Friday morning, I decided to take the day again.   You see, Friday, in Houston...IT SNOWED! So I figured - why fight the crazy weather and the bad drivers when I still have a bit of a migraine? Turns out I should have gone in. I would have been knocked off at noon - because they understand that no one in Houston knows how to deal with snow and ice. So I would not have had too much time staring at a monitor on Friday.   Oh well.   Hubby got to come home early, too. And we sat on our couch watching tv, keeping the fire going, while praying that the snow would start to stick. All day on Friday we hovered around 36-38 and so the snow never did stick. But about five miles to the west of us they did have the lower temps and the snow DID stick. I think we would have had about 4 inches if it had stuck, it snowed just about the whole day - started at 8am and didn't stop until 5pm.   Oh well.   I did apologize to hubby for my crazy behavior Thursday morning, too, and, being the sweet man that he is, said, "It's ok". No...it isn't...but thank you for thinking so.   Miraculously, I was fine all weekend.   Maybe that's irony. From my employer's perspective, anyway.   Yesterday I woke up feeling like general he!!. I got up and ran straight to the toilet. Felt like I had to throw up but I couldn't get my bum off the toilet long enough to make the switch. One of those days.   But yesterday was two things. One - it was my third weigh in. Two - it would be my third day off from work if I didn't go in.   That's significant because of our sick time policy. We have no limit to the amount of sick days we can take. Of course, you don't want to take any days. But most employers say six days or eight days and leave it at that. My employer says take what you need - but if you are gone three days or more then we want a Dr. note. Fair enough.   I didn't really want to go to the dr. Still don't. I don't know if I have the flu or some sort of weird food poisoning. Doesn't seem like food poisoning would make sense because it kicked in yesterday at 6:30 am and I hadn't eaten anything since Sunday at 5pm. That's not the normal time span between eating the bad thing and being affected by the bad thing. There is a bug going around my neighborhood - but it's all been sinus and chest related for them. So I'm not sure where I might have been exposed to the flu.   And since I wanted to go to my weigh in I decided I'd go to work and do what I could and leave if I needed to.   So the weigh in. After dropping the ten pounds earlier in the month, I managed to enjoy my Thanksgiving and was down a mere 3.5 from my previous weigh in. So, overall, I'm down 7 pounds from where I started back in October.   Everyone was AMAZED that I managed to lose weight over Thanksgiving. If only they knew!   The appt was good. They asked what I did and I told them. (increased my protein) They asked why I wasn't working out at the gym and I told them. (I'd lose weight too easily) The nutritionist asked why I wasn't wanting to lose the weight and I told her. (it's so not that I don't want to lose weight but that my insurance says I must "fail" this program) And then she said ok.   I, for reasons unknown to me, met with the nutrionist again yesterday and she at first wanted to coerce me (yes, I'm using that word) into just losing the weight. But I spelled it out for her. It's not that I can't lose this weight on my own. It's that I have never been able to keep it off! Oh...good point. I know I'm fooling myself here but it seems I might have actually gotten through to her yesterday.   The Nurse Practitioner I saw yesterday, though. I LIKE HER. I want to see only her from here on out! I LIKE HER A LOT! She understands the insurance joke. She didn't and doesn't want me to screw myself out of this. Her point all along has been "lose 2 to 4 pounds in this next month". 3.5 is good.   She did tell me that she thinks I will do very well with this. I think she was also banded - and is doing very well with her weightloss. That's my speculation. I saw three people come in yesterday and ask if she was there. And when the answer was yes, they would then say then I want to see her. I think that speaks volumes! I feel the same way. I didn't have the confusion leaving there like I did last time. I didn't feel like someone was pushing me one way or the other for some reason or another. It was a great visit.   Her reasoning for why I will do well? In my first visit she told me to:   1) get my psych consult done 2) get clearance from a cardiologist 3) get a letter of medical necessity from my PCP 4) get a letter of medical necessity from my Ob/Gyn 5) do the nutrition consult at my next visit   So I got the ball rolling on all of that stuff immediately. And it was good to not have waited because some of those things required two or three visits and ended up spanning Oct AND Nov. I turned in what I could last month and turned in the last of it this month.   She told me usually she says "do this" and then they come in for visit two and she says "do this" and then they come in for visit three and she says "do this" and then they come in for visit four and she says "do this or else" and then they come in for visit five and she says "seriously, if you don't do this, this won't happen".   They didn't have to reiterate a single thing with me. The nut said "eat more protein" and I did. Now she says "eat more fiber". Yeah...I'm not really going with that one. I'm plenty regular and it's because of my smoothie that I am. Do I get 30g of fiber a day? Maybe not, I'd have to calculate it out. But I know my body is getting what it needs. Not only do I get that smoothie but I also eat a lot of fiber rich veggies. Now, the one thing I do know is that if this regularity ever changes, then yes, I'll add fiber. But for now, I think I'm alright. And hubby is, too.   Anywho. To go on with why she thinks I'll do well - she didn't have to reiterate a single thing. And add to that - I lost weight over Thanksgiving. (If only they knew ). And finally, add to that - I seem to be motivated.   So from there I headed to work. Still hadn't ever thrown up but sure felt like I should. Got to work and started to try and settle in. And then I had to run to the bathroom. Got back to work and started to settle in. And then I had to run to the bathroom. And then it happened. For not having had anything to eat in 18 hours (5pm through to 11am) my stomach sure said otherwise!   So then I went home.   My boss is out today...   I'm here again, today. Still feel like crap. But my system is empty so that has helped a bit. From 6:30am yesterday to 6:30 am today I lost just over 7 pounds. Like I said, my system is empty!   And that's what I know.   I had a question about how this six month program worked. Would I have 7 visits or 6? You'd think - a six month program, that there would be a 7th to close out the 6 months. But no. I only have 6. So I have now completed 3. Which means I'm half way there. Which means I'll be done in March. Which means an April banding could be a possibility - if I get approved and all goes well. :thumbup:
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12/02/09: All we can do

All we can do is look forward to the next thing. I am not banded. All I can do is look forward to the day when I am.   For those just banded - all you can do is look forward to the day that bandster hell is finally over and weightloss truly begins.   For those in weightloss - all you can do is look forward to the day when you hit your goal weight.   For those at goal weight - all you can do is look forward to the day that you never gain an ounce back.   Doesn't seem so bad to me. I love looking forward to things! And what I look forward to changes daily. That's ok - figuring out new goals and projects is part of the fun of life!   What will I be like when this unweightloss program is over? What will I be like when I am banded and mad? What will I be like when I realize there was no reason to be mad and progress IS happening? What will I be like when I realize I AM losing weight for good? Will I remember the frustration of the previous phase and stop worrying? I hope so. I cannot wait to find out!   Disclaimer - this is in no way meant to be thorough or complete about all the all-we-can-do's we run into in life or with the band. This is just something to remind me that struggles happen and perspective matters!
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11/30/09: Back to work...part 4

So Friday ended up being good. Saturday we slept quite late and got Christmas out of the attic. We got our lights up around the front yard AND the back yard. Our backyard backs up to a "lake" that has a walking path around it so all of the houses on that "lake" put icycle lights on the rod iron fences we all have. And in our yard, we also have our roof outlined with lights like we have in the front yard. It really pops to me and while this is my fourth Christmas in this house, it's the first time my husband has seen it. He did not want to do it the first two years we were together and so they didn't get up. But this year I insisted. I think he thought it was more involved that it is and now that he sees the lights and sees the effort was actually easier than the front yard, he's with me in getting them up every year. This is the first year all the lights have been up in the backyard with the pool in, too, and the way everything is reflecting off of the pool is just gorgeous!   Saturday evening we went back to Super-mom's house for another game night, this time together. And we had fun, together, as we always do.   And then Sunday was a pure lazy day! It was nice. My FIL stopped in for awhile and we had a nice visit. He is a real estate broker and is helping one of our neighbors (and friends) sell their home as they are relocating to Iowa. We've been getting to see a lot of him as he is coming and going from their house.   It's pretty sad, I think, but I was so wrong about the MIL and the FIL. I thought the MIL was awesome and the FIL was an arrogant prick. Turns out the MIL is not awesome. And the FIL is not an arrogant prick, but actually is a nice guy full of funny stories. That's what I get, eh?   And now it's back to work.   Bleck.
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11/30/09: Back to work...part 3

And then MIL turned up. She brought fresh roses for me - and told me it was to make me feel better.   I have to chuckle if she thinks that fresh roses makes up for a nothing of a visit. We wanted HER not ROSES!   She disappeared out of the kitchen and that was that.   We sat down to dinner which was very nice. Everything came together nicely - nothing was under or over cooked and that is always a good thing. Super-mom's husband proclaimed this to be the best Thanksgiving meal he'd ever had. MIL's husband proclaimed that my stuffing is the best he's ever had. In my family we have a tradition of singing "We Gather Together" as our prayer for the meal and everyone joined in with me, so that was pretty cool to me.   Everyone ate their hearts out and we were sitting around the table 45 minutes or so after dinner being served when the doorbell rang. It was Hubby's brother and SIL. Yep - HIS brother and HIS SIL. Sorry, I can't quite claim them as anything to me at this point.   With their arrival, MIL and her husband excused themselves from the table and headed into the family room to visit with their son and DIL. My Hubby calls his brother "The Good Son" only half-jokingly. I've seen the reason behind that (his step-siblings call him the same thing) in the past - but I REALLY saw the reason behind that this time.   I'll just say the MIL would not come in for pie with everyone else (and her husband was not allowed to since she didn't). She would not talk to or associate with anyone else but The Good Son until he left - around 8pm. The Good Son tried to start fights with my Hubby on about three different occasions and twice with me. Other than starting the fights with us, he never really said anything directly to us and his wife would stop talking if she thought we were trying to be in the conversation. Needless to say, it was a very pleasant afternoon. HA!   After The Good Son left, MIL and her husband and my Hubby and I just stared at each other for about forty minutes. By then the house had cleared out and it was just the four of us.   Eventually the chatting did start. And from there we heated the hot tub and went out for a soak.   I used to be able to chatter at my MIL but this visit was just awful. She didn't have anything to say and if she did, it wasn't nice. I, at one point, wanted to tell her about the band but by Thurs evening had decided I didn't want to. Hubby didn't understand and I didn't know how to articulate why, but eventually she asked what my news was and he told her and that was that. Now I know that I didn't want to tell her because I felt like she wasn't (isn't) really going to be supportive. She isn't going to be judgmental, but she isn't' going to be supportive and I don't want to tell anyone who doesn't get it. But like I said, I couldn't articulate that and so Hubby, not knowing better, spilled the beans. He thought he was helping because he was thinking I was mad and therefore was withholding information, and he was thinking that talking about this would get everyone to open up. But that wasn't really the issue. It's a need to know thing and I just don't see that she really needs to know.   Anyway, now she knows. And she wasn't judgmental or supportive. So there I go.   Their departure Friday morning was as awkward as their visit. On the Friday after Thanksgiving my Hubby and I have a tradition in the works where we make paninis out of all the leftovers. Super-mom and her clan all came back for this event and MIL and her husband knew of these plans and even had to be first in line. They got theirs put together first and promptly ate them while I was grilling the rest of the sandwiches. I had one sandwich left on the grill which was ready to come off but I needed my Hubby's plate (it was his panini) out of the microwave where everything else was being reheated. And MIL and husband had to leave right then. This panini grill I have is a cast iron thing so it's not like you turn the heat off and it stops cooking. I just needed to get that sandwich off the grill and I could walk out with everyone. But they couldn't wait for the five seconds left on the microwave.   I did get that sandwich onto the plate and onto the table and then scurried after them to see them off. And MIL's husband promptly told me - oh, don't let me keep you from your food.   GRRR!!! It wasn't about that! I DIDN'T WANT TO BURN THE FRIGGIN SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Get out of my house then, prick!   Ok, calm down, Lori. Sigh....   They got on the road to head off to, as MIL called it "The prestigious wedding".   And we got to get back to normal.   The rest of Friday was low key and easy. My Hubby had the guys over for a poker game that evening and I went to Super-mom's house to play games with her and her husband. It was a nice evening.   Speaking of games, the plan had always been to play games with everyone on Thanksgiving evening and everyone knew it. But while The Good Son was there he decided it was a waste of time - and so MIL and her husband refused to play as well. However, instead of telling us that, they let us continue to wait for them. And ultimately so much time passed that Super-mom's kids were tired and ready for bed.   I'm telling you, MIL has lost a lot of my respect.   I think what's worst about it is I know how my mom would have been - all this just makes me miss her that much more. She would have been chomping at the bit to get some time with everyone she doesn't get to see and she would have been amenable to the GROUP! She was such a group oriented person. She was so kind and sweet without being a pushover. She was funny and charismatic and she could be friends with EVERYONE, not just the chosen one! I have this standard in my head for a mom to behave like and up until now I thought MIL was somewhat close. But I can't and don't think that anymore and it's disappointing! It's VERY disappointing to end up finding out who you thought was a great MIL is really just an ordinary MIL.   I don't want to be one of those when I get there. I want to be a mom like I had. And I want to be a MIL that is open and receptive to EVERYONE in the family! My Hubby, bless his heart, is so used to this that all he can ever do when she does this stuff is say "That's my mother". He has literally given up caring. At least he can't get hurt if he doesn't care. But she is missing out on who he is soooo much. But now here I am joining him. Here I am saying I have to stop caring because I hate how all this felt. I can't continue to crawl out on the limb just to have her saw it off. And while this isn't the first time she's pulled her stunts, it's certainly the worst, in my book.   Part 4 coming shortly....
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11/30/09: Back to work...part 2

All through last week I averaged one meal a day and I was never hungry. It's interesting to me when I have time periods like this. I kept expecting to wake up, get on the scale as I always do, and to see a drop in weight. But all through the week I never did. I was not eating crap, per se, but I was not holding back, either - as losing weight is somehow or another not what I want to be doing right now. Ok, said that wrong. I DO want to. But I can't. Not physically can't - but in terms of eligibility... Anywho. :thumbup: Monday was a rather lazy day. My hubby and I ran some errands but we were around the house and just chillin, too. Monday was the only day that was rather calm like that, so that was a bit of a surprise. After the weekend we had, we did sleep quite late on Monday. Tuesday was a trip to the grocery store and a few more odds and ends of errands. Not much else excitement that day. Wednesday was a neighbor and I taking another neighbor out for her birthday. The birthday girl is a mother of five with kids ranging from just about a year old up to 9 years. She never gets to have me-time because her husband is in the middle of getting his business off the ground. So we stole her away and took her for a pedicure, something she has not had since quite awhile before her baby was born. And from there we went to a local place called the Charleston Tea Room. I was expecting tea and scones and finger sandwiches but it was really just a sandwich shop that had two flavors of iced teas and the full assortment of hot teas. Given that this is Texas, though - after having the quite chilly weekend, this particular day was in the low-70's and everyone was drinking iced tea. They say in Texas - if you don't like the weather you have two options. 1) wait ten minutes. 2) drive ten miles. It's true. :sleep: We stopped at a shop that was right next door and perused their incredibly over-priced junk, too. This shop wanted to be an upscale sort of affair and it was just more of the same ol' same ol' with prices that averaged twice as much as most other places. They were in the middle of a "huge sale" in efforts to get people to spend some money there. There was tons of foot traffic and not one single person buying any of the stuff. I figure - if they want to get some income going, they need to drop the prices. Unfortunately, as we walked in the door they hit us with their "select savings program" and email addresses were given. We all thought the store looked cute and like our own styles so we gladly gave over those precious email addresses. And then we started looking and saw wall sconces - average quality wall sconces - selling for $185 EACH! Eventually it was time to wander home as the babies were getting hungry. So I got home and grabbed the Hubby and said come on, les go. He dutifully put on some shoes and we headed out for something or another. At this point, I can't tell you where we went or what we did - but I know I enjoyed the afternoon with my sweetheart! When we got back home I grabbed all the pie making ingredients and headed over to super-Mom's house to bake pies. We made two pumpkins, a pecan and a buttermilk pecan. We then peeled and cut up the potatoes (10lbs) to leave them soaking in water and got the green beans all snapped and cleaned. I headed back home with the potatoes and the green beans and I pre-made the green beans so they'd be ready to toss in the green bean casserole. In the past I've always used canned green beans for that casserole and decided this year to do fresh as I generally like them better. Oh how the flavor was packing in that dish. I will never used canned again! I also pre-made the pudding for a Banana Cream Pie for my Hubby and whipped up the cranberry relish. Thursday it was up at 7am to get the stuffing started. Super-Mom came over to help out while the children slept the morning away. She did bring her oldest daughter along. I've been told that when the oldest daughter gets a few more years under her belt she will be coming to me for cooking lessons. This neighborhood of mine thinks I am a gourmet chef. It's flattering that they like my food but truth be told - I just follow recipes. I'm just really good about trying new things and new techniques. That is the only thing that sets me apart. Yes, I have developed a few of my own things and I always adapt recipes to my own styles. But I generally always have a starting point from someone or something else. We got the stuffing done and I rubbed the bird with a fennel seed, coriander seed and black peppercorn mix. With the bird cleaned and stuffed and nestled nicely in the roasting pan he went in the backyard on the grill. I was amazed at how quickly that bird cooked. A 22 pound bird plus and it was done in a little over two hours. We actually dropped the temperature quite a bit to get the cooking to slow down but the bird was out by about 12:30. From there we got the rest of the veggies chopped. I make a broccoli rice casserole and a cauliflower gratin. Those veggies all were steamed and ready to go for later. The sweet potatoes had been cooked the night before and with them now cold they then were peeled and ready as well. I went ahead and made the rice for the broccoli rice casserole and chopped and grated and minced whatever I could. And then it was break time. Super-mom went back across the street and Hubby and I headed south to put a fresh set of flowers on his grandmother's grave. I wish I could have met this woman - I think she is the sole reason why my Hubby is such a gracious sharing easy-going human being. She taught him his manners and insisted on keeping him in line. I have now learned so much about his mother but I cannot say any of the good qualities in my Hubby can be attributed to her. He has never claimed that, and in fact has always claimed his grandmother was more of an influence on his good upbringing than anyone else. I always thought, ah, well, MIL HAS to have been a good influence. But with the unfolding of the past few weeks and especially Thursday, I can't claim otherwise now. On a very personal note I always ask my Hubby who I'm most like - mother, step-mother or grandmother. And luckily for me, he does not think I'm like his mom. Don't get me wrong, she has some great qualities - but mothering was not one of them. On the same token, my Hubby is most like, personality wise, my own Mom - that easy-going thing being one of the greatest characteristics. Anywho... We cleaned up the grave site a bit and shoo-ed away the ants with some fire ant killer. And with the fresh flowers placed there was a touching moment where I was glad to be alone with my Hubby. We are usually there with the in-law's... From there we headed back home and then the kitchen turned into a whirlwind of activity. My sweet Hubby set the table and opened the wines and cleaned up behind Super-mom and I. He would also get either of us a cup of this or that on request. I finished off the cauliflower gratin (the most amazing cauliflower dish you'll ever eat!) and made the gravy. I chopped and chopped for the waldorf salad and got the biscuits ready to go. We made the Red Lobster biscuits and Super-mom was surprised at how easy they are. I'm telling you, it's just about trying the recipes... Super-mom whipped up the mashed potatoes and the yams. And she assembled the broccoli rice casserole. Hubby put together the green bean casserole and everything went in the oven. Back for part 3 in a jiffy... :sleep2:
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11/30/09: Back to work...part 1

This is quite long so I'm sure this will end up in multiple parts. But I was gone for a week, so it is what it is. Taking last week off was heaven. And now I'm glad to be back at work so that I can relax. :sleep: Overallw we had a fantastic Thanksgiving and I had so much fun getting ready for it. It all started with Friday night. My hubby and I got some movies on the way home from work and curled up on the couch to watch them. It was a nice evening - although late as we didn't sit down to watch those movies until after 10pm and I had to be up at 8am the next morning... Saturday - didn't make that 8am wake up call. Nor did I make the 9am wake up call. :sleep2: Around about 9:45 I finally did drag my sleepy bum out of bed and I hightailed it around the house to get packed and sorted for what Hubby needed to bring up for me - and then I headed out to pick up the best friend from college so we could return to our old stomping grounds for a football game against Baylor. It was downright chilly in the stadium. It misted and spitted on us all the way up to College Station and we were not prepared for wet weather as ALL reports said the rain would be gone by noon. Kick off was at 2:30 so we didn't take along anything to help keep us dry. But at 2:30 - the hissing and spitting and misting was still in full force. Added to that just-enough-to-get-you-damp factor was a breeze that was blowing the 53 degree air straight into us from all directions. It was chilly. And who in the world prepares for a chilly game...in November...IN TEXAS? We shouldn't have weather like this until January! :cool: Love global warming. But I won't get on that soapbox... The game was good. And although it was only Baylor we won anyway. We are rebuilding our program right now and it always feels like - ok, we are finally turning things around - and then something like Baylor will come along and blow that all away. But we won. And we played a good game. I never expected much out of this season. Our program was so devastated by our last coach and this coach is just finishing his second year. Next year I expect to see real progress...as the players mature and all that. And with the Sat game against Baylor and the Thursday (Thanksgiviing) game against tu (that's what Ags call UT-Austin, in case you were wondering) I am seeing something that will be a lot more fun to watch next year. Anywho, I'll get off this soapbox now, too. I had a great time with my long lost friend from college. We live fairly close - but it's just far enough away...she is on the north side of Houston and I'm on the south side...so we don't see each other nearly as much as we'd like. I told her all about the lap-band because I knew she wouldn't judge. We've both had a lot of laughs at my fat-scapades and I know she'll support this decision and even life after banding. She has always insisted - prior to this year - that I'm not as fat as I think I am and we had a good laugh when I said "I think I finally really am fat". She could no longer argue with me. It was actually pretty cute and believe it or not, it affirmed me in this decision. She's never been one to lie to me about how twisted my self-image is. Nor do I with her. 'Tis part of why we are such great friends - how often do you find someone you can REALLY be honest with? Brutally honest. And have them love you more for it? Anywho. After the game we headed back to H-town where I dropped her off at home. And from there I headed to my SIL's house where I met back up with my hubby. We played a game called "Apples to Apples" into the wee hours of the morning. That was a fun game. My hubby and I stayed up with the SIL until well after 4:30 am talking about the changes that marriage requires. My hubby and I have been married about a year and a half and still have tons to learn. But we were both surprised by the fact that on May 10th when we said "I do" - everything CHANGED. We lived together for a year before getting married and thought we had it all in the bag since we had already combined our lives. SIL is now going through the same thing with her new hubby. And she was quite relieved to know - it's normal. My hubby and I say that it was after our first anniversary that we actually got into what we had expected our "honeymoon phase" to be like. After our three hours of sleep we got up and got all dolled up for the reception of the SIL and her new hubby. And then we headed off for downtown Houston where a restaurant's upstairs had been rented out for the event. Friday night I ended up finding a perky pink sweater that my husband claimed was flattering on me. He's so sweet. I don't know that I agree - but it wasn't hideous like everything else I'd seen the evening before. That's the last thing I'll buy at this size. That sweater will do well for Christmas and anything else that might come along for the next few months. It's not a heavy sweater at all, so it can work with multiple seasons. The reception on Sunday was fun. We enjoyed being with the family for the few hours and also were glad to get on the road for home late in the afternoon. We live about an hour south of Houston so we were exhausted by the time we made it home around 6 that evening. And from there Hubby and a neighbor had signed me up for making them a rack of lamb. I served that with Greek potatoes and roasted green beans. Suffice it to say, it was a very late dinner. Be back with part 2 next... :thumbup:
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11/20/09: T g i f

TGIF. TGI Friday AND the last day before a week off! It's just a great day all around!   Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I usually even enjoy it. I just love to spend my time with my hubby and family and friends MORE!   So a few things I want to pontificate on today...   1) the whole not drinking while you eat thing. I want to know why this is? Some people say it's because you feel full faster if you drink water while you eat and that means you get less nutrition in since you "fill up faster". Other people say it's because the water lets the food slide right through and you end up eating more.   So which is the truth?   Interestingly enough...I don't care, to be honest. If it's something I'm not supposed to do - I won't.   I thought I would struggle with this major change so I'm trying to change it now - while it still "doesn't matter". And turns out...I LIKE not drinking with my meals. Take lunch for example. I keep a ginormous cup of ice water beside me throughout the day. And I have been trying this don't drink for half an hour before, during or half an hour after.   Side note. I see some docs say half hours before and after. Others say hour before and after. And finally, the last group say half hour before or hour after. This leads me to question the scientific methodology behind this recommendation. But that's me and my science brain at work...and my brain is all for science...   Anywho...so I am doing the half hour thing. And I am now finding that I can eat less lunch. Not because I feel full sooner. But actually because I get to keep the taste of the food in my mouth longer.   When I drink water with each bite - I wash down the wonderful flavors of what I was eating. So I eat more - to get more of the flavors. So now that I'm not washing those flavors away, I find I don't chase the flavor any longer.   INTERESTING!   Dinner is my one stretch. I am not opposed to some beer or wine with dinner on occasion. And when that wine glass is sitting above my fork - I do tend to continue to pick it up. Furthermore - that half hour before and after thing flies out the window when the wine glass or beer mug is there.   And...breakfast...is generally a smoothie anyway. So sorry. I can't NOT drink with breakfast...   Breakfast has always been an interesting thing with me. As a kid I adamantly refused to eat the meal. My mom would feel guilty for sending me off to school without a meal - even though I insisted so she would force feed me. On the rare occasion when she did successfully force feed me - the teacher/principal would be calling around 10:30 AM saying I was sick.   To this day - if I eat breakfast - a meal before 10AM - I will get sick. A smoothie is the one thing that will not make me sick.   And my mom tried everything. A bowl of cereal. Eggs and bacon. Waffles. Oatmeal. Pancakes. Fruit. You name it. It ALL made me sick.   If she sent me to school without that - according to the medical world - required - meal, I was fine. So around about the time I was 7 or 8 - she just gave up - and I stopped getting sick!   I can eat breakfast foods. It's not the food that is the issue. It is eating something before 10AM.   Funny stuff. But like I said - I drink breakfast. And so I can't follow that no drinking before during and after thing...cause...well...   I will be curious to see how I develop with the band when I get there. Some people are tight in the morning. Some are tight in the evening. I fully expect to be tightin the morning. I mean tight. So I don't expect this to change much for the "better".   Next thing...   2) I had to go shopping last night. It was fun - for the most part. My husband and I have been in skimp mode this year and so have not done much of any shopping at all. My SIL is having her wedding reception this weekend and I realized I have nothing appropriate to wear to such events. It's just a reception - but all of my clothes that fit are either way too casual or black. So I thought 'I'll just get a little dress that I can wear to this and all the Christmas parties that are about to start'.   HAHAHA:lol::tt2:   Apparently fat people are not supposed to wear dresses this season. I went in plus size stores and NO dresses whatsoever were on the racks. I went to Macy's and Dillards to their plus size sections - and no dresses whatsoever were on the racks. Macys had one rack in their formal wear that had some quite hideous dresses to choose from. Four, to be exact. And they were all over $100. For a dress I plan to wear three times TOTAL - I don't think so! Not spending that much money on something hideous on the rack that will look even worse on me!   Prior to this summer I could still get dresses in the regular sizes but for some reason, over the summer, my stomach ballooned out. And I have no choice but to do plus sizes now. I know there are tons of options online - but this reception is on Sunday.     It was just on Weds when I turned to my hubby and said "what are you going to wear on Sunday?"   You see...I was not anticipating a full on get decked out wedding reception. The SIL and her new hubby (for reasons unknown to us) had to rush off to Las Vegas THIS month to get married RIGHT NOW. Hmmm...that leaves a lot of room for speculation.   When you have rush rush weddings like that - you don't generally have the formal types of receptions. In fact, from what I know (which isn't right or wrong), they are generally casual parties in which people get together and have fun.   Yeah.. :huh2:   Hubby says "my suit".   I say "your what?" :ohmy:   My suit, he says. Well, maybe just the slacks, a long sleeve button down and a tie.   What, I say?   I didn't figure it would be jeans and t-shirts - but given the restaurant they rented out, I was thinking business casual was quite appropriate.   Nope. Business formal.   I have no business formal that fits. I have tons of clothes. But I have four pairs of slacks and about eight shirts to choose from right now. AND I DO NOT WANT TO BUY MORE! My next clothes purchases will be in the sizes of 10 and below - cause I still have tons of 12's, 14's, 16's and 18's. I will not buy another 20!   And so, perusing the stores last night - turns out, I can't buy another 20 anyway. There was NOTHING to choose from. I've decided I'm going to wear my black slacks with a nice blouse - give up on the dress idea. So I need to go out again tonight to get a blouse. But I do have to buy a new blouse. All the blouses I have are black or black and white. I am certain I will never live down wearing black to the reception - even if it is what we think (yes WE) of this marriage. Parents, siblings, everyone - strongly against this...but what do you do?   And I have to go tonight to get this blouse...whatever blouse it might be. Tomorrow I get to go to my one Aggie game of the season.   I am a season ticket holder for Texas A&M football. I love my Aggie football and have missed all the games this season for a variety of reasons. I don't know that I could do them, anyway. A&M is "home of the 12th Man" which means we stand through the entire game. Being heavier than ever, I don't think my feet would tolerate this at all right now. I am sure I will be feeling this on Sunday - but the one thing I can say is at least I'll get in one game this season. And I'll spend the day with my best friend from college - someone whom I've not seen much of this whole year. I am looking forward to some time with her.   Following that, my hubby and I are meeting up at the SIL's house on the north side of town to spend the night. It will be SIL and her new hubby, the other SIL and her fiance and my hubby and I. I am looking forward to some time with these peeps as I genuinely like them but still don't know them all that well, even though I've been around now for almost three years. It should be fun - and then we'll all get up on Sunday and get dressed to the nines to head off to SIL's wedding reception.   Forgot a little tidbit there. SIL is wearing her wedding dress to this shindig. My hubby knew that - but I did not. And her new hubby is wearing his tux. So this isn't just a fun little congratulatory party after all...         But who cares. TGIF!!!!! Especially THIS one! :party::cheers2::party:     Grr..for who knows what reason this stupid thing won't let me have TGIF in the title ALL capitalized! This is the last time I try and edit this...and if it works then this note is for nothing...
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11/19/09: Another day

Oddly, this blog is helping me get through the six months. So if you get tired of my drivel, I understand - but this is entirely about getting through this and keeping my momentum, right now anyway.   Between this blog and reading everyone else's - I'm learning a lot and generally keeping my mind occupied on something other than my impatience.   I am impatient.   Yesterday was Wednesday. Today is Thursday. That's progress! I like progress!   Why is this progress? Because sometimes one little ol' day is enough to comfort me. Yesterday - Dec 7th seemed so very far away. Dec 7th is my next weigh in. Dec 7th is, in some realm or another, my midway point for the unweightloss program. So how does going from Weds to Thurs make me feel better?   Because Weds is hump day. It's that day that's not leading into the week and it's not leading out of the week. It's just there. It was my hump day before vacation. So now I'm on the downhill slide for the week and vacation is looming.   Next week will be different. I won't be preoccupied about this - because I'll be preoccupied about something else.   And then I'll come back and have one measly week before my next weigh in. And therefore (knowing myself as I do) that will be a quick week! Couple the excitement of midway with returning from vacation and being slammed with "crap, I'm back at work" - it will be a quick week.   And then it's Christmas season, anyway. And time will fly! I'll be begging for the days when all I could do is sit here and think about this because time will speed up in the next week to something a bit beyond a blur.   So really, one day changes everything for me.   I know, I've got this whacky count down thing and now one day means it's the end of the year and I'm half way through my unweightloss program. But work with me here. If this makes me feel better - let me have it. Cause I feel better now.   All I can say is I hope there are people on this planet who don't have to twist calendars and clocks to get 'feel better' moments.
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11/18/09: It's Wednesday!

I have next week off and I can't wait! Sleeping in, spending time with friends and family - oh...and THANKSGIVING!   So two more days this week. My husband thinks my counting is off. After all - it's Wednesday morning...and we have to work Thursday and Friday still. But I say - the wake up calls are what counts...and we only have two left - so we only have two days left until a blessed week off! :drool:   So what are we going to do, you ask?   Monday: our almost one and a half year old pool will finally get it's final inspection. We will also get our carpets cleaned and I head off to see a dermatologist because I have something forming on my leg that I don't like AT ALL. We will finish off the day with a football watching where a friend/neighbor will be making his homemade pretty darn good chicken wings and fried pickles. I hate the pickles - but the wings I can do. Come on back and visit, you ten pounds you... :thumbup:   Tuesday: our house gets cleaned. Grocery shopping for Thurs. Make a few loaves of bread for the stuffing, sourdough dinner rolls, pies...that kind of stuff. Maybe. It depends.   Wednesday: if I haven't done the baking yet, then I will on Wednesday. I will also pre-assemble some of the dishes.   I think the interesting thing for me is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE cooking and baking. To me - it's about that, not about the food that gets consumed afterwards. I know I will enjoy this endeavor even when I can only eat two bites of turkey and one bite of stuffing.   I know this because of how I am with baked goods. I LOVE to bake pies and cookies and cakes. I love to make candy. And then I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving it all away (which is mostly a Christmas thing). What I don't give away we keep in the freezer and my hubby eats far more of it than I ever do. I am very much not a sweets person. BUT I love to make it all!   And then it will be Thursday. Up at 6 am to get the stuffing started. Get the bird in the bbq by 8am. And then watch the rest of the day unfold. Depending on what I get done on Weds and what I have left to do on Thurs – I might get some time to watch some football.   Yes, I said bbq. I will be roasting the bird in the bbq this year to free up the oven for everything else. I am curious to see how it turns out...but I don't expect much difference.   So the MIL story. GRRR. :mad5:   If you have been following my blog you will know that I wrote up a fantastic rendition of loving the MIL because she’s so great. Yeah. NM.   I still love her. Don’t get me wrong. I do think I got very lucky on the MIL front. But she, unknowingly, squashed my husband and me last week.   I was so looking forward to sharing the cooking of the feast with her. I was so looking forward to spending some time with them both since they have been up in WI since April. We took the week off to spend with them – not to get the carpets cleaned.   GRRR. :rant:   Anywho, we get a call from them last Tues asking us to call them back. So once home and settled, we did. And here was the conversation we had:   MIL: So you remember the wedding I was playing the organ for on Sunday? Us: No MIL: I told you about that Us: No. MIL: I’m sure I did because I was going to have to leave on Saturday to be back in time for the rehearsal Us: No. You were going to leave late Sunday evening since you were going to miss the first part of the week with us for a dentist appoint. MIL: Oh. I’m sure I told you.   I interrupt this broadcast to say:   Back in September we were supposed to go to WI for a long weekend and to see their new place. At the last minute my employer decided I couldn’t have the approved vacation time off afterall. Given the current economic climate we decided the trip would wait as it was not worth risking my job. At that point, we said “well we will take the whole week of thanksgiving off so that we can spend the time with you.” And MIL and Step-FIL said “Great!”   In October we hear: well, we won’t get to your house until Wednesday evening. [MIL] has a dentist appt and she can’t reschedule it because then her teeth cleaning will be overdue.   We think: really? You can’t reschedule a teeth cleaning for a week or two later? Really?   Back to the story…   Us: No, Mom, you didn’t. MIL: Well, it gets worse. They have rescheduled their rehearsal. So instead of having it Saturday evening, they are going to have it Friday evening. Us: What? So you are going to come down late on Weds and have to leave early on Friday? MIL: Well. Not really. Us: Mom? MIL: the organist for my church does not want to play the service on Thanksgiving because she wants to be with her family and so I said I would.   Silence   MIL: So I’ll be coming down on Thursday after the service is over.   Silence   So here’s my thing. Ok. So I get to cook the feast by myself. This won’t be the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last. That’s ok. I have so many wonderful memories of cooking this feast with my mom and I want to keep it going. I definitely hope that someday in the future I have a daughter I can pass this onto.   But it’s leaving hubby and I with this question – why bother? It’s a four hour drive and they won’t even be getting on the road until around 11:00 AM.   They will arrive AFTER we serve dinner. And I’m not going to be the gracious hostess here and adjust eating time to accommodate a lack of thought. If this were just us and the in-laws I could see that but this is a group of people being asked to sit around and wait.   Furthermore, they’ve made it clear that the reason they are coming at all is to see the BIL and his wife. I understand wanting to see them. But, ironically, it’s not likely to happen.   BIL and his wife ALWAYS spend Thanksgiving with HER family. And they will again this year, too.   We started something last year we all proclaimed would be our tradition and that was to get together on Friday for a custom leftover Panini sandwich station. That was the plan again this year.   Anywho… :rant:   Love the family…that’s all you can do, eh? :biggrin:   Yay for only two days left!!! :cheers2:
ldswims

ldswims

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11/17/09: I seem to have inadvertently misplaced a few pounds

So I am on the "unweightloss" program right now. When I finally was able to see my insurance company's policy regarding weightloss surgery I read in exact terms this: Failure of medical management including evidence of active participation within the last two years in a weight-management program that is supervised either by a physician or a registered dietician for a minimum of six months without significant gaps. This is frustrating to say the least. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT NOW. AND I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR GOOD.   I am seriously struggling with this. In fact, with just changing my diet and not even my exercise levels, I seem to have misplaced TEN pounds over the past four days! I knew it was coming. My weight issues have always revolved around my hormone inbalances created by being a wonderful glorious woman (said dripping with sarcasm). Once a month - lasting for about a week - no matter what I do, I can't lose a single ounce. Once a month - lasting for about three days - no matter what I do, I gain five to seven pounds. And for the rest of the month, the weight melts off of me when I am behaving. Before I really discovered the trends and understood my body, this would get frustrating beyond all get out. But it's not so frustrating anymore. Now I can muscle down and just keep doing what I'm doing and know that when my hormones balance back out, I will be down.   I have said before that my weight gains have always come when I get off of birth control. It's that hormone fluctuation that makes my body go crazy. So I'm off birth control, I'm regular, and I'm "normal", too. HA!   I knew, because of where I am in my cycle, that I'd see a drop this week. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT DROP TO BE TEN FRIGGIN POUNDS!   That TEN pounds puts my BMI below 40 - therefore making me ineligible. So...I have to gain it back.   Yes, you heard me. I have to gain it back. I really have no choice.   Unless I forego this and say "I can do this by myself". I have no doubt that "I can do this by myself". I do doubt that I can keep it off by myself. Which is why I'm here.   :thumbup: I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT NOW. AND I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR GOOD.   Sigh.   I don't want to gain it back. I DON WANNA!   THIS IS SO STUPID! :biggrin:
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11/16/09: Eeks!!

Whoever would have thunk it - but having all the doctor's appts last month made the first month of my "unweightloss" program fly by. However...with all the doctor's appts now out of the way...now what can I look forward to?   The only thing remaining besides the few weigh-ins I have left is to do some blood work. They told me that they would give me the lab slip for that at my next weigh in so that I can do the blood work in January.   Eeeks. Sooooooo slowwwwwww. Those appts had me feeling like I was making progress all the time. Now I feel like I can easily get derailed from all of this. When you have something to work towards, that helps. This is odd, though - I feel as though I have nothing to work towards anymore...   Sigh...I guess I'll just keep waiting. :biggrin:
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11/13/09: Oh so many thoughts

1) It's a Friday. It's the 13th. Friday-the-13th's tend to lucky days for me. I have won three contests in my life - and they've all been on Friday-the-13th's. 2) FIVE more months? REALLY? Ok. Four months and three weeks. But I want to start NOW - not play games...but here I am. I guess four months and three weeks IS better than five months IS better than six months.... 3) How to eat post-band. How will it be different than now. I struggle to get my protein now, although becoming aware of this battle has helped. In the past two days I have been getting enough. I have approached Atkins in the past as eat whatever I want - protein like. But you can't sustain that for very long without causing other problems for your body, I believe. But what if I'm incredibly selective about the proteins I select? Instead of bacon, I pick salmon. Instead of cheese cubes, I eat broccoli dipped in hummus. Can my body sustain THOSE choices longer? I wonder. When I get banded, I am supposed to follow a high protein diet. Eat protein and then if you still can eat, then eat the veggies and then if you still can eat, then eat the carbs. Well. Out of seven days, I am supposed to avoid the carbs for six. On the seventh day, I can eat those carbs. It's my "cheat" day. If I pick a Sunday, though, to be my cheat day, then my cheat day should always fall on a Sunday. So hey, everyone, get your birthdays scheduled accordingly! Sorry, just a little blithe sarcasm, there. Anywho, say it takes me a year to lose my weight. For a whole year - I have not really eaten "normally". When I get into maintenance mode, then the band would presumably be loosened a smidge. Which should mean my caloric intake might be sufficient for actually getting to eat the carbs. Wouldn't that cause my body to say "here we go again, better start hoarding?" Now, Band_Groupie pointed out to me this morning that with restriction, by default, you essentially are doing an Atkins diet. You just quite simply can't eat enough food to get ALL the necessary protein AND ingest the carbs. Fair point. But as my weight decreases my necessary intake of protein will, too. This has me wondering and I will do more research. In esseance all of this came from - you guessed it - Band_Groupie's blog! It really got me to thinking when she was blogging about not wanting to diet. She’s been there done that – and this is a lifestyle change. I agree with that whole-heartedly. And that got me to thinking – so how is doing the Atkins AGAIN, even though with a band this time, not a diet? But. But But But But But. I can see why people would get into smoothies and shakes because although they are sliders – they also would be a way that you might actually be able to ingest the daily recommended protein and carbs (and all that other stuff that goes with them). I, like BG, do not want to be a smoothie/shake chick, either. With one exception. As is, right now, unbanded – and it’s been this way for years – I do drink smoothies in the morning. I will not stop that post-band. Lots of thoughts in this one little thought. Lots of research to do, too! Next… 4) I’m such a whiner. I don’t generally consider myself a whiner – but it sure is coming across that way when I reread my blog. I am sorry for that. With the insurance situation under check, I should be getting back to my non-whiny self. Sorry for the detour… 5) I am so glad I am done with all the Dr. appt’s. I have an appt with my cardiologist this afternoon. He had me do a stress test a couple weeks ago and stated I was cleared for surgery. Today is the formality of getting the written clearance that I can turn in. With this appt done, I literally only have the weigh in appt’s left. Two of those down – four to go… 6) Four appt’s to go sounds better than five months to go. I think I’ll switch to that song and dance…33% done. 7) I want to remember what it feels like to be bloated but thin. It’s bad enough that I have to be bloated on a monthly basis, but to be bloated and fat – well…that’s just downright uncomfortable!!!! I don’t remember ever feeling this uncomfortability (like my word?) before my heavy days. And even with the heavy days – it’s still pretty recent that it’s become so dagged uncomfortable. Now there’s a strange milestone for myself… 8) Maybe my cramps will get better, too! (TMI?) 9) Does anyone else see anything wrong with failing the unweightloss program on purpose? Does our insurance industry not get what they are causing here? Added expense, wasted time, a whole plethora of negatives by creating this game. My very own insurance company cites study after study in their very own weightloss surgery policy document. One such study states that a sample group of about ~300 patients was put together. ~50 of those patients were forced to do what I have termed the “unweightloss” program. ~250 were just given the surgery. (All cases used the Lap-Band.) The ~50 who were on the “unweightloss” program did it for real and were losing weight. Of those ~50 people, ~60% decided to not do the surgery. A year later all ~300 people were examined. The ~250 people who had the band surgery had ALL lost a minimum of ~50% of the weight they wanted to shed. Of the people who were on the weightloss program that did have the surgery, they had ALL lost weight, although not as much as those that just went straight to surgery since at the recheck they’d only been banded for six months vs. a year. But the people who thought the diet was going well and opted out of the surgery – they had ALL regained ALL of their weight back plus more, in most cases. So here we have it. Cigna has a document citing what their policies are. In this document they backup those policies with study after study after study. And in this particular study it shows that the unweightloss program hinders weightloss! There are quite a few other studies cited in that document that show similar results. Quite a few show that the efficacy of the lap-band is substantially greater long term than any other weight loss surgery option. And yet there they are, playing games. Oh well. On with life. Only four more appts to go! I think I’ve blogged enough today. So with that, I bid you adieu. I will be back this weekend with additional thoughts I may or may not have.
ldswims

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11/11/09: Two great things...and one frustrating computer

I wrote up a really nice blog. I was happy with it. It was great, IMO. I was ready to post and I was reviewing it for the typos that always get through in spite of knowing better. And then it happened. My gosh-darned IE FROZE. Dead as a doornail. Couldn't do a gall-derned thing. And there it went.   LOVE the computer...   So I am going to try and replicate the great news in a great blog as best as I can. But you know how it is - the second version - from scratch - is never as good as the first.   Great thing number one - my husband and I got some news last night that totally has me relaxed about my "insurance issues". I now KNOW that I won't be the reason this doesn't happen. My ducks are in a row and things are good.   I felt like I was getting signs that were telling me to question this whole thing. And now I feel like I've got the sign that says go forth and be successful. Furthermore, go forth and be successful and shoot for the April banding!   So I feel better.   Great thing number two. And here is where I can't do this rewritten blog justice. I will certainly try too hard to capture what I had there - and that will mean that I've tried too hard and the message will be lost.   Love the computer.   ^&*$($^(&%&&^*()^%&$^&*$^*:confused:   So here's my re-effort...   A bit of background.   I've been working my way through another blog on here - a blog by band_groupie. It is an amazing blog that is very well written, very amusing, very personal, very real! She does a lot of research for quite a lot of her blogs and she is quite able to articulate what I believe many struggle with even identifying. Her blog has been an eye-opener for me. It's also pointed out places where I am doing well, IMO. I totally recommend, at the very least, checking it out. I know there are other fantastic bloggers on here and I expect to find them and wander through their journey, too. To be honest, I appreciate band_groupie's opinion, perspective and insight - I think her approach to the band is successful because of those three things and I think I can always learn how to form better opinions, have a more positive perspective and insight is always great - the more insights I can read/hear about the better able I will be to form better opinions and maintain a positive perspective.   With that said (and I'm telling you, this rewrite is totally NOT doing justice to the original blog lost somewhere in cyberspace), band_groupie (and I know many others, because she got this from somewhere, herself) talks about www.fitday.com in a few of her blogs.   And here's great thing number two. So I wandered off to www.fitday.com to see for myself. And I decided to play with it while I'm on this "unweightloss" journey. I so totally was not expecting what I have now learned.   I have been tracking what I'm eating each day on that website for about a week now. I learned last week while visiting the nutritionist that for my current weight I should be consuming about 90 grams of protein per day.   On my best day in this past week or so that I've been tracking this, I consumed 63 grams. I am nowhere near where I should be.   And oh nelly, that actually makes things start to make sense! I have been proclaiming left and right that my calorie intake is already pretty low. And it is. My highest day was a little over 1300 calories - and that was a "binge" day for me.   But of those calories, the majority are coming from carbs and fat. I never would have expected that. NEVER!!! So now I have something to work with and play around with.   Of course, this being my "unweightloss" period, I can only do so much. But this is the perfect time for me to be adjusting to this - not later, I think.   Ugh, I wish I had my original blog back - because there were other things I pointed out and now for the life of me, I can't even remember what they were, so I can't even try to rewrite them.   Let me just say again, band_groupie's blog is quite educational, it's fun to read and it's a great place to really learn what this process is really like. She does a great job of articulating each new discovery on her path. This process is necessarily life changing - but if you never get into the introspective phase of self-examination, I predict struggles. By reading that blog, I think I am exposing new questions which I must ask myself. And the sooner I ask - the better!   Every person's jouney will be different. Each body is unique and each's body's reaction to this process is different. Furthermore, each mindset is unique and that mindset is just as important, if not moreso, in determining success. The questions are quite important - even though the responses will all be different.   So two things here. Check out www.fitday.com and band_groupie's blog.   What a difference a day makes!
ldswims

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11/10/09: Do you want some cheese with that?

I hate insurance. I got slapped with another insurance problem yesterday but it is what it is and therefore that's it. For history's documentation, I'll just say our deductibles are determined by our "eligible compensation". 2008's eligible compensation will be used for 2010's deductible and OOP-Max determination. And since I work in the oil and gas industry and 2008 was a boom year for exploration - my "eligible compensation" was 40% more than it was this year, 2009. So next year I have the highest deductible possible, the highest OOP-Max possible - while making 40% less (at min) than anyone else that will be in that category.   No, it's not the insurance company's fault on that one, that's my good ol' employer. And I understand the theory that my salary should always be rising. Doggoneit though I wish it were! I HATE THIS! We've had to make some very drastic cuts this year because of losing >40% of our income - and now to be slapped with this...just no pleasantness about it!   Sigh.   On with the world, though....   It is what it is.   I just feel the need to gripe and whine today. I can't believe what a GRRR process this is and then to aggravate it with these insurance issues...and then time is ticking so so very slowly.   Will this even be a possibility? I do not know. That remains to be seen. Given a 40% salary reduction that we are still struggling with and max possible deductions and OOP-Max's, well...this may be a stretch. And that just bites. But it will be next year before I know the answer to that.   Which means to continue with this gall-derned "unweightloss" program.   This program is so laughable to me. My unassurance company requires you to "fail".   Why bother with the expense then?   I think my problem is that I want to know how this all turns out! I've said before I don't deal well with uncertainty and it's still true.   I've satisfied just about all the requirements my unassurance company has.   Psych consult = done Nutritionist visit = done Letters of medical necessity from all following physicians = done Clearance from Cardiologist for a non-existent issue = done   All I have left is a physical and letter of medical necessity by and from the surgeon and bloodwork (TSH test), as well as to fail the six month ridiculous "unweightloss" program.   So why do all this if 1) turns out I can't afford it or 2) turns out my unassurance company will deny it or 3) who knows what kind of poppycock excuse they'll come up with.   I want to feel like there is hope to work toward. And I do not. I want to feel like it is worthwhile and useful for me to continue with the "unweightloss" program. And I do not. I want to feel like I am moving forward. And I do not. I want to feel like five more months and I am officially onto a new life. And I definitely do not!   Sigh.   Is this unassurance quagmire a sign?   Should I be on my husband's coverage aferall? That requires a 2 year history which I don't have...but it is better coverage.   Will my husband get a new and better paying job negating all this worry I have about the financial issues?   Do I pursue a new job myself?   I hate that the business world has developed into a place where loyalty is no longer desired or even rewarded. I want to be loyal to a company. But I can't give them what they can't give me! I started with this company feeling as though - 'wow, they really want to take care of me'. Now that feeling is - 'wow, they really do not care about me!' I'd be fine if the pendulum swung to the middle - but it is now absolutely about the bottom line. Interestingly enough, moral is quite low. There will be repercussions for this, but when and how drastic are yet to be seen.   I started today with the notion that I would be begging for time to speed up a smidge. If that would happen I could at least get closer to having some answers. But it's not so much about that as a true whine-fest. Not my normal modus operandi, I believe, but it is something that does happen with me periodically.   And so now maybe I can get on with it. This is out of my system - although that isn't really true. This will fester with me for quite awhile.   I feel like this whole year has been about being slapped down. And while my husband and I both are fortunate, thus far, in being able to keep our jobs, we are certainly, as are most everyone else, enduring a year we did not quite foresee. Will this - CAN THIS - turn around?   I have to chuckle - I think my aggravation with the unassurance slaps is really because of all the fear and worry I am really feeling about everything else. I can generally roll with the punches pretty well - but sometimes the punches I react to are not really what I'm upset about.
ldswims

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11/08/09: I had an interesting break through yesterday...

Weekends are always the hardest time for me to continue watching what I eat, I think. During football season the downfall is beer and bar food. During the rest of the year the downfall is beer and bar food, but on a lesser scale.   When you are sitting in front of the fantabulous tv we spent a fortune on last year you want to eat chicken wings and french fries. And you reason to yourself - how often does football season come along? Come on, enjoy...   Ok...so not really. I'm exagerating. I generally can't sit still long enough to watch a game with my husband and I'm generally bouncing into the kitchen to make some something or another for the guys that accumulate in front of the amazingly fantabulous tv that cost a fortune.   But I had a breakthrough nonetheless.   Saturday mornings I can usually claim that tv for myself while the hubby snoozes away the morning. And I will watch one or two of the shows that I have dvr'ed over the week while I can.   So yesterday, I sat down to watch one of those shows, all nuzzled up in a cozy throw with my doggie curled up in my arms. I was happy as a clam and snug as a bug in a rug. It's things like that that make me proclaim "I love the fall!"   Towards the end of watching that show, an hour long but when you count in the fast forwarding through commercials, it turns into 40 minutes, I started to think to myself I've got the munchies.   And then I asked myself the best question I've ever come up with for anything in life.   "Why?"   And I couldn't answer it. There was no answer. I was not hungry. I'd had a great breakfast and it was holding me over. It was nowhere near time for lunch. And when I realized all of that - I was fine.   I went on with my morning. When the show was finished I moved myself to my computer to take care of the bills and such. As I was sitting here thinking about things, I realized I had the munchies again. By this time, I had eaten lunch and I had a fantastic glass of water sitting beside me.   I interrupt this program to say "I have not had a soda in over two weeks now!"   Back to the program at hand. So I ask myself again - that most awesome-ist of questions...   "Why?"   And I got the same result.   I couldn't answer it. There was no answer. I was not hungry. I'd had a great lunch and it was holding me over. It was nowhere near time for dinner. And when I realized all of that - I was fine.   From there the day progressed. Through watching football and the rest of the afternoon, I never did have a munchie moment again.   I ate a dinner that was fantastic and quite satisfying.   And then the day was over.   I always munch on Saturday's and Sunday's!   Today was not so successful. I made home made snickerdoodles last weekend. We freeze our cookies and pull out what we want when we want them. But when you have to thaw a cookie it makes you question whether you really want it - if you even remember they are there. So I had two cookies today.   I did not eat a satisfying breakfast or lunch today and that equated to "needing" something this afternoon. But when I realized that, I did go for a more protein rich snack.   So...interesting...   Ironically, I generally give myself credit for being someone that doesn't eat unless I'm hungry. My mom said that about me, actually. But in this journey to being overweight, I am discovering, I rewrote my definition of hunger.   I'd call that a break through.   Can I get back to my once upon a time mentality?
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11/07/09: I love the fall!

I live in Texas where we don't get a winter at all. With that said - we do have these cold fronts come throught that can leave the temperature barely climbing above 45. That is chilly - and it's fantastic.   I am the type of person that when it starts to get cold like that, I open the window and start fires in the fireplace while jumping for joy.:huh2:   So it's fall. We generally hover around the mid-high 70's and temps at night are wonderful for having the windows open. Still not fireplace weather - but it's coming. If we were to sit outside at night chatting with friends, however, we might light a chiminea. The scent of smoke wafting through the neighborhood always makes my heart jump for joy - "winter" is coming! :smile2:   Between the cooling weather and football - it's just such a wonderful time of year. My husband and I are addicted to football! This time of year, it's on at all hours of the day and night from Thurs-Mon. We save our household projects until January when football season is really just in championship mode and they games become few and far between.   Here in Texas, our leaves are starting to turn. Seems early to me this year. Not that our leaves rival New England - they don't even slightly - but they can still get quite colorful and it makes me look around in anticipation - what color will I see next? What tree will go stark first? (That's what I call the bare trees - not dormant, the proper term, but stark. Seems less scientific and is more like how I feel about them - stark = a blank canvas.)   As much as I love the fall, I love winter more. I lived in Chicago for a year while in the Navy and I loved the winter there. I grew up in California and they have less winter there than we do here in Texas, although we certainly did have cold days and nights. Finally, I lived in Hawaii for three years, also in the Navy - and they certainly do not have a winter there. :thumbup: I had a hard time with that there, actually. It's hard to appreciate the beauty of the islands all the time when the flowers are always blooming, for example. There were very subtle differences - night time temps would drop into the 60's, for example, and wave activity would increase. It still wasn't a winter, though.   One of the things I love about winter so much is the trees being blank canvases for what's next. That starkness I was talking about a moment ago. All these branches and limbs hanging around, sleeping, just waiting for the day when they can start afresh. It's refreshing to me - the starkness of winter. It means to me, that the world around me is in anticipation for what happens next. I love, mostly, the journey of seeing what will happen next. Sometimes the next thing is bad - and then I'm not so happy, but generally, good things are in store, I believe. And somehow, for me, winter is the mark between a good thing completed and the next new thing to come.   It doesn't hurt that it's so very cold at night and I can open the windows and sleep like a baby with no AC on. It doesn't hurt that I don't even have to have the windows open to have the fire in the fireplace as "winter" moves on.   With fall in full swing and the holidays lurking around the corner, I just woke up this morning with the thought - I am just so happy to be moving into this time of year!   Don't get me wrong - I miss the summer. I miss being able to jump in my pool on a daily basis and I will be quite happy when the weather gets back to hot hot hot because I love love love my swimming!   But this fall and the approaching "winter" have me thinking about what's in store. This time next year I hope to be banded. This time next year I hope to not have to be scared to exercise for fear that I will lose too much weight. This time next year I hope to be outside enjoying this wonderful weather quite simply because I will have lost enough weight that my feet will no longer kill me just for thinking of being on them. This time next year I hope that just like the trees losing their leaves - I will be moving into the next season of my life!
ldswims

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11/06/09: Ok, I'm not really a daily double-poster, but this is worth another blog.

And the blog is even likely to be short!   This regards the blogs Sigh....part 1 and Sigh....part 2 and Really? Seriously?   I emailed my 'advocate" this morning with what I now know to be true for Cigna. I figured maybe just maybe I can help some other poor soul to not have to go through a day like this. Course, it's a whole list of things that all fell inline yesterday to make yesterday happen.   And just a few minutes ago I heard back from her. With my news, their clinic called Cigna to verify this for themselves. And it IS true. You do NOT need a two year history with Cigna.   So with that said, looks like I do NOT have to do the sleep study. I am good to go.   So here we go...   :smile2::party::huh2::party:
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11/06/09: Can I have a do-over?

I feel cheated by yesterday's appointments.   The appointment with the nutritionist went just fine and even as I'd expected. I do wish that I'd remembered that appt was first because I would not have "hassled" her with my questions on insurance.   But the appointment with the nurse practitioner...I'm not sure it was meaningful. I ended up missing work because everything involved with the insurance and then determining if I would even be qualified to do the sleep study kept me there far too late. I got there at 9:45 and didn't leave until well after 2 - and how is that anything I should have expected based on a weigh in?   She listened to my heart and lungs and deemed me healthy. Yeah. Not concerned! I find it funny that - from the mouth of my mom, years ago, a Nurse Practitioner - doctors, PA's and nurse practitioners listen to your heart and lungs because "the patient expects them to".   I hate it when they do that and there isn't any reason for me to be there other than - you called me in to give me bloodwork results. Bloodwork results say I'm fine. So why would you listen to my heart and lungs? They were fine three days ago...   That RNP didn't really offer any suggestions. She didn't really converse with me about how this past month went. She didn't converse with me about what a goal might be for the next month. So what was the point?   To keep me from work? To keep me from the place that is giving me the money to pay for this unnecessary visit? Do health practitioners even get that?   And then. To talk to that "advocate", and I use the term very losely, and get so much misinformation.   Why'd I go there?   If it's on me to determine my eligibility - why don't I just do this myself?   Yeah, stupid question. I know there is so much more that happens.   If it's on me to examine my diet and determine what to focus on next, why don't I just do this myself?   Wait. I am.   And according to my obesity surgery rider - I am expected to fail this program.   :cool:   That is just hard hard hard to stomach.   Ok. So I'm going to spend the next five months relearning how to eat. But if it really is about what I eat - no preservatives, no artificial crap, no no no...then won't that cause me to lose weight?   As I have read through here I have now developed a fear of losing weight. Why? Because yes, I can lose it. But as has been my history for the last ten years, I won't keep it off. And I have too much risk for too many bad things and I don't want to gain it all back yet again. So I want to make this happen and I expect to be successful. Because I want to keep it off for good. This band isn't about losing the weight. This band is about keeping the weight off. And I will do that with lifestyle changes - doing what I inherently know and simultaneously turning over new leafs. But how do you take this seriously when the goal of this "supervised weightloss program" is to "fail"?   How does that start my adaptation if I have to consistently go behind myself and un-do my weightloss? :huh2:   On another note, I am seriously looking forward to Thanksgiving. I think my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and it's because of the years that I had with the most wonderful Mom that ever lived - my very own. She was not a super cook through out the year. She cooked a great meal every night of the week - or we had leftovers - but she was time conscious and with both my step-dad and my dad (at different times) being unwilling to try some things, she was not necessarily adventurous with her cooking. But Thanksgiving. OH, Thanksgiving. :thumbup:   We'd have my family to our house. I grew up in a very large house but was an only child. My grandmother, mother of seven, lived in a very small house. So they came to us. My mom would go all out. We lived in California and had a beautiful patio that would accomodate enough tables and chairs for 60 people to have a sitdown meal.   We would have a smoked turkey and a roasted turkey. We would have all the fixings. But the best thing to me was the stuffing. I love the stuffing because I loved loved loved making it with my Mom. We'd set the bread out to stale the night before. And we'd get up at 6am to break it into pieces and saute it with butter, onions, celery and our secret seasonings. It was so amazingly simple - and to me, it can't be beat. Add whatever you want - the turkey is the best way to get flavor in the stuffing.   We'd get the birds stuffed and into the ovens. And then we would prep as much of the rest as we could.   My aunts would start arriving between 10-11 and they would join us. My mom never pushed or cajoled anyone to do anything. If YOU wanted to make the waldorf salad - fine, make it. If someone else wanted to make whatever, fine, make it. If you were tired of cooking/baking/clearning - then go watch or play football, depending on the time of the day.   I loved every single Thanksgiving I had with my mom. They were and always will be priceless.   And I hope to pass this on to my children. Whenever they join us.   In the meantime, I've ended up with a very fantastic MIL. She and I are good friends and my one gripe about her is that she moved to Wisconsin. Nothing against WI at all - it's just too far away from Texas. She, unlike me, grew up with a mother who absolutely would NOT share the kitchen. The downfall of not sharing the kitchen is that my MIL did not get to learn a great many of wonderful things in the kitchen that her own mother knows.   Prior to last year, my MIL would never have even tried a Thanksgiving feast. She felt inadequate, which is truly sad because she is a great cook. Last year, my husband and I hosted Thanksgiving. Her self-proclaimed goal was "to watch [me] and to do as [she] was told". And she did. And she did well with the dishes she did. And she was surprised that oven-roasted turkeys are better than bagged (i.e. steamed) turkeys. This year, we are hosting Thanksgiving again. And she has declared she will do more. She wants to help with the stuffing instead of observing.   Back to the stuffing, my mom and I would get up and get everything chopped. And we'd both stand at the stove with two skillets running each. It is amazing how much stuffing fits in a bird.   A Lap-Band® side note- maybe this is the wrong attitude but I don't and will never feel guilty about eating the stuffing. It is the first thing to go even though we always make two additional pans of the stuff. There are never leftovers of the stuffing. One serving a year is not my downfall!   My MIL - wants to be the other person at the stove this year. I love that.   I especially love that I have MIL that thinks she can learn from me. That is the greatest compliment I think you can give someone - learn their ways.:smile2::thanks:   I can't wait until Thanksgiving. Not to mention, we have the whole week off and that will just be a very pleasant break!   And furthermore it means we get to see the MIL and the S-DIL. They are in WI right now "winterizing" their house and they come HOME that week! Hubby and I are both looking forward to their arrival!   I love this time of year!
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11/05/09: Sigh....part 2

So I can do the sleep study. And then here's the trick. I have to have severe sleep apnea.   We shall see.   But here's what I'm wondering?   What does that help? I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER COMORBIDITIES?   The advocate lady says I can write a letter. I can say in my letter   Look, my dad died from diseases that obesity contributes to. My mom died from a cancer that can be caused by weight problems. I have enough to be concerned with in my future, I need to get this weight off FOR GOOD.   I can say in my letter that my weight is hormone related even though my TSH has always been "normal".   I can say in my letter whatever I want.   But. At the end of the day. Here's the big thing to take away from ALL of today. My request is very probably going to be denied. Straight from the advocate lady's lips.   So how much more of this do I do?   I mean, yeah - the six month supervised weight loss program is good for two years. So lets say I don't get approved and I can't lose the weight on my own. Well. I'd still have all this done.   BUT. BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT!   Let's think about this.   If I "do this on my own" and get down at ALL, then I will get down below a BMI of 40 pretty quickly. So THAT doesn't give me the history.   Ok. So then I need to gain weight?   Ok. Stay steady?   FOR TWO YEARS?:wub::frown::smile2:   Sigh.   So how much more of this do I do?   Because at the end of the day - this IS costing me money and we should definitely not be spending it right now.   Because at the end of the day - my insurance IS going to change on Jan 1 and depending on what option we go with, more money may be coming out of pocket pretty soon.   And if I'm going to do all this just to learn "I have to do it myself", well, then why did I part with even a penny?   Not to mention that meanwhile, as I'm waiting for this six month time period to pass I feel like I have to manipulate the weight loss so that not too much is lost. In the past month, with all the changes I DID successfully make I think I would have been down 15 pounds if I'd left well enough alone. But being scared to "lose too much weight", I, on two separate weekends, did some things to gain some of it back.   Why can't I just lose the weight and call it good?   Furthermore - I wanted, desperately wanted to be lifting weights. But I know how my body reacts to lifting weights while increasing protein and I "couldn't take that gamble" since I could conceivably lose too much.   Ok. So why do I want to do this?   Cause I WANT TO KEEP IT OFF!   OK. So maybe these are signs. First the insurance. Now the misinformation I was given. Maybe this is all a sign that either means 1) not now or 2) just do what you know to do....   Sigh....
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