Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
$99 Yearly Supply Alert! 🌈 "1 per Day!" Bariatric Multivitamins
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
  • entries
    53
  • comments
    151
  • views
    6,895

About this blog

This blog is for me and anyone who wants to read it. I can be quite long-winded at times, so be ware. :wink2: This blog will chronicle my experience from start to finish, which means it will never end so long as I am alive. :rolleyes2:

Entries in this blog

 

11/17/09: I seem to have inadvertently misplaced a few pounds

So I am on the "unweightloss" program right now. When I finally was able to see my insurance company's policy regarding weightloss surgery I read in exact terms this: Failure of medical management including evidence of active participation within the last two years in a weight-management program that is supervised either by a physician or a registered dietician for a minimum of six months without significant gaps. This is frustrating to say the least. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT NOW. AND I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR GOOD.   I am seriously struggling with this. In fact, with just changing my diet and not even my exercise levels, I seem to have misplaced TEN pounds over the past four days! I knew it was coming. My weight issues have always revolved around my hormone inbalances created by being a wonderful glorious woman (said dripping with sarcasm). Once a month - lasting for about a week - no matter what I do, I can't lose a single ounce. Once a month - lasting for about three days - no matter what I do, I gain five to seven pounds. And for the rest of the month, the weight melts off of me when I am behaving. Before I really discovered the trends and understood my body, this would get frustrating beyond all get out. But it's not so frustrating anymore. Now I can muscle down and just keep doing what I'm doing and know that when my hormones balance back out, I will be down.   I have said before that my weight gains have always come when I get off of birth control. It's that hormone fluctuation that makes my body go crazy. So I'm off birth control, I'm regular, and I'm "normal", too. HA!   I knew, because of where I am in my cycle, that I'd see a drop this week. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT DROP TO BE TEN FRIGGIN POUNDS!   That TEN pounds puts my BMI below 40 - therefore making me ineligible. So...I have to gain it back.   Yes, you heard me. I have to gain it back. I really have no choice.   Unless I forego this and say "I can do this by myself". I have no doubt that "I can do this by myself". I do doubt that I can keep it off by myself. Which is why I'm here.   :thumbup: I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT NOW. AND I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR GOOD.   Sigh.   I don't want to gain it back. I DON WANNA!   THIS IS SO STUPID! :biggrin:
ldswims

ldswims

16
 

01/21/10: And here we are...again...

The thing I love about myself is that when I get down and grumpy and irritated and miserable - it doesn't last long!   Yay! I'm back!   It's always a tiny little teensy eensy thing that makes me go "what was I so bothered about?"   It's this kind of perpetual circle. I want out of the bad mood so badly that I'm running in circles - and getting irritated accordingly - to get out of the bad mood - which just exacerbates my bad mood. And then something eensy teensy happens and I'm fine.   Hopefully this blog won't read like me last two. What I do have to say about the last two, though, is that to me, it's part of what this process is like - for those that have to go through the danged program. Those feelings are real and I've read them elsewhere and it's better to be aware than to be surprised when the irritable grumpiness happens. I could have kept it all to myself and I would have gotten over it all just like I have with letting it out. Letting it out didn't make me feel better and it didn't make me feel worse. The people who piped up and said "dude, we're here for you", well, that helped, but me typing out how stupid I was thinking, that didn't make me feel better or worse. But if someone reads it and says to themselves, "that's how I feel" - well then the work of the blog is done.   Anywho.   I had my annual well woman exam this morning. And this doc is something special. I think he suffers worse PMS than I ever have. Sooooo moody and if you catch him on the wrong day, man, hold your head in your hands cause if you don't, you may lose it.   Today was a good day.   The last time I saw this doc was in November when I approached him to ask for his endorsement for this surgery. He was not so very kind in saying his opinions on my weight gain were that I was basically stupid. It was a less than fulfilling meeting but at the end of the day, he did give me his endorsement and I figured "whatever".   His endorsement meaning a Letter of Medical Necessity.   Today, though...wow.   I didn't know who I was going to meet today.   I've now seen this guy 4 times and I've had 2 wonderful appts and 2 nail-scraping-on-chalkboard appts. I have always loved the office staff there, though, and, in anticipation of having to switch to a new doc in the same office when my hubby and I get pregnant, I've dealt with it.   Anywho. Today.   FABULOUS GUY!   He was chatty, he was sweet, he was positive, he was upbeat, he was in a great mood and even complimentary!   Started with - how was your New Year.   I'm thinking, ok...   Asked if I had questions. I asked his input on actually getting pregnant after being banded. I hear 2 years before we start trying and I don't know that I buy that, personally, especially when considering my case.   Not saying I want to get banded and then immediately start trying to get pregnant.   What I think is that if I focus this year on losing weight, that going into 2011 we should be in a good place for starting to try. If I can lose even just 66 pounds this year, I'll be at a normal BMI. If I can get banded in Feb or March, as has been discussed, then that seems doable. Say it was the end of Feb - that gives me 10 months to lose 66 pounds which means an average of 6.6 pounds a month. Seems to me that most do better than that when they try...and I'll certainly be trying.   So we had a conversation about that. And he thought it was all very doable and reasonable. If I were heavier then it might be more important to focus on two years. But I'm not heavier. And I am older, too. For a first pregnancy anyway.   And then he really surprised me. He complimented me. Said "you are doing well already!"   What? YOU are saying something NICE to ME?   Who ARE you?   In a moment I wish I could undo - he said he wants me to do my baseline mammogram this year. This summer. Really? Am I there already?   But then the whole thing got eery. He got cute. He says, as we are saying our good byes....   "I can't wait to see you next year and I hope to see less of you." Noticing that he was possibly sticking his foot in his mouth he says - "well not less frequently, just less person". Noticing he was still possibly sticking his foot in his mouth he started to stammer. And I'm just smiling cause I know what he means and I know where he's coming from and it's really cute and not bugging me and I even thought it was funny - and right on the dot. So I Iet him off the hook and said "I know what you mean and it sounds great to me, too!" He smiled and shook my hand and said he couldn't wait to see me next year - keep up the good work.   Really? 10 pounds is good work? 10 pounds in 4 months?   I guess it's something. But it's not a lot...   I have to chuckle - cause it is a lot when I consider how I've done it. Given the program and it's design, it's been half-hearted and half-arsed.   Sigh. I really can't wait to just let myself go and TRY!   Anywho.   Who knows if I will get banded. Who knows if this is all for nothing or all for something. But somehow, this appt gave me a warm fuzzy feeling and now I just feel better.   Add to that - the cold is still on the retreat and I feel ~95% finally. Still a bit of a stuffed up nose - but nothing I can't start to attribute to allergies.   Speaking of which, I think I'll go get some decongestants...
ldswims

ldswims

3
 

01/07/10: 4 months done...2 to go....

Happy New Year! Christmas is put up, and the fire place has even been cleaned out. Good thing since it's supposed to be cold in Houston this weekend! Yes, to all you wonderful yanks, I mean cold. Not a southerner/Cali-girl griping about the 60's. COLD. Not supposed to break freezing tomorrow. Low's in the teens and 20's. Windchills in the single digits. I'm lovin it!!! (I miss my year in Chicago...baffles me how I can live in hot places when I thoroughly enjoy the cold as I do...but then I love my summers, too, and being able to swim 3 "seasons" of the year!)   I had my weigh-in appointment today. Appointment number four of six. I was down 2.5 pounds, by their scale.   What's sad about that is it's more! But it's a major weather day and with temps falling to below freezing during the daylight hours, I was NOT going to wear my capris and short-sleeved shirt that I wore for my last visit. So with a sweater and slacks on, I headed for my weigh in. And to be "down" with these bulky clothes on me was good, I think.   Another good thing is it gives me wiggle room. Next month, maybe I can wear those capris and that short sleeved shirt. So I figure it will all come out in the wash.   It was just enough, too. About 2.5 pounds. Enough for them to be wow-ed again by losing weight over the holidays without a band. I keep saying it's not that I can't lose this weight. It's the fear that I have of it coming back again that is driving me to do this!   Every time my hormones adjust for any reason whatsoever, my body responds by packing on weight. I know I am as "at fault" as my hormones are because while my hormones make me hungry all the time, in those cases, it is ME that picks up the food and puts it in my mouth. I know I will have more hormone fluctuations in the future. I hope the band can be there to remind me I don't have to eat a double sized portion of pasta to feel full. I don't normally eat badly, but when I am going through a hormonal fluctuation period, I eat A LOT. And here I am.   And by hormonal fluctuation period I'm not talking about that time of the month. This happens to me when I get off the pill, for example. If anyone has been reading my blog, you've heard this before. But what is new today is that I am finally admitting my very own part in this. It's not all hormones. It's as much that as it is me giving in to the hormones even though I know better. I know that when I get pregnant that I will have a major hormonal fluctuation and my hubby and I hope to multiply that event by 2. And I know how my body responds. Some of these fluctuations have been induced by getting off the pill. Others are just getting older. But they happen. And I don't do well with combating them.   This process has been a definite one of learning. In the future, when the hormones go crazy, it will be on ME to beat them back into submission and hopefully this tool will be there to help me do that.   I have lost 15 pounds in 4 months without really trying. I am actually trying not to on some days. Haven't ever been trying to gain weight. But I'm on that precarious edge of a BMI that isn't "enough". Today I am at 41.2. I have some wiggle room.:thumbup: But not much. I had a moment this morning where I said "crap" cause I put in my normal height. I am 5'6" and 7/8. So almost all places round up - cause it looks better on paper. But, luckily, for this endeavor, places have been rounding down. To 5'6. But when I calculated the BMI - I used my "generally accepted height" and not my "for the records height". And using 5'7", I'm at 39. Using 5'6, I'm at 41. So I think I have to figure out how to slow down - not aiming for 3.5 pounds this month, aiming for 2 again.   Maybe I shouldn't wear the capris and short sleeved shirt, even if weather-wise I could, for the next visit.   I love the RNP I visited today. I think she's great. The absolute perfect mix of friendly, knowledgeable, non-judgemental, helpful; just someone great to have on your side.   I did my blood work this morning so we will see what that says. I'm sure I still have high-cholesterol. It's been high for eons but never high enough to start treating medicinally. The only other thing I had left besides two more appts was to do an EKG which she said we'd do next visit. But when she looked further into my file, since I had to get clearance from a cardiologist and I brought along the EKG from the visits with him and turned them in at a previous visit, she said we are actually good to go. So literally, all I have left is 2 appts.   The blood work was interesting. It was one of those that just left me with 'this phlebotomist needs to be fired'. She stuck me without ever feeling for a vein. And imagine that - she missed it. And then she just dug around, nicely, but digging, nonetheless, for the vein. Filled up the first vial, popped in the next. Filled up the second vial, popped in the next. Filled up the third vial, popped in the next. And in that last switch she lost the vein. So she starts digging around again! Couldn't find it so she picks up the third vial and sticks the needle in that to get blood into the fourth vial. Both the third and fourth vials did not have or need any serum, so should be ok, and since I watched it all, nothing was cross-contaminated. But I do hate that. On the other hand, my alternative was for her to stick me again and I certainly was NOT ok with that!   Nonetheless, I have this feeling of 'who can I call to report this'? Cause this stuff leads to some questionable stuff and if she'd understood how to stick someone in the first place, it all could have been avoided.   Add this to she kept me and another gentleman waiting for 20 minutes so that she could visit with a friend who dropped in to say hi. Just not stuff I'm ok with....   I suspect time will slow down for me, now. Getting through the holidays was a pretty major distraction. But luckily it's only two more months and at least this ridiculous program is over. I have no idea how this will play out or where it will all go but I can only hope. But I will feel so much better when this "unweightloss" program is behind me!   Of course, continuing to knit and etch and now sew and I need to go shopping for some cross-stitch stuff...well that might keep me distracted a little.   The etched glass was all a hit - some people I expected to say "oh, wow" and then some people I expected to say "holy moly, wow - you did this?" Namely, I expected the SIL to be the "oh wow" and the MIL to be the "holy moly, wow - you did this?". What I actually got was SIL = "holy moly, wow - you did this?" MIL = ooh, thanks.   In other news, the MIL just keeps digging herself in further and further. My sweet hubby is about done with her...although not writing her off. But he is hurt and sad, among many other things. Maybe that will be my next blog - all the crazy things she thinks and says and how it's affecting her attitude towards us. Suffice it to say that the BIL and his wife (the awesome SIL who claimed "holy moly, wow - you did this?") are feeling the same way we are. And the four of us have kind of banded together. So that's pretty cool for now...   I hope everyone is staying warm! I can't wait to get home and get a fire going in the fireplace. We buy our wood by the 1/2 cord and that generally lasts us two seasons. But this season has been a bit cooler than normal so we've gone through the wood faster and will probably have to restock that 1/2 cord within the month. That just makes me giddy with glee. I love cold and I love fires in the fireplace!   And that's about all I have...
ldswims

ldswims

4
 

01/27/10: Un-news-worthy news

Good Morning. Good Day. Happy Wednesday. To some that means Happy Hump Day.   I am now rambling on a new website. My very own blog on blogspot.   http://ldswims-journeytoembrace.blogspot.com/   I am of the mind that I don't want to read only about the band and it's journey. I want to read about the person and the person's journey with the band. Namely I want to read about life. And that's what I want to blog about. On this site I feel guilty for doing so - although no one has ever said anything. But because of that guilt (self-imposed) and wanting to have a page that I created, a page that is me, I liked what Band_Groupie did and so decided to do the same.   I am still in the midst of transferring my older blogs over there. But anything from 1/22 and onwards is only on   http://ldswims-journeytoembrace.blogspot.com/   I hope to see you there!   And like BG, I'll still be here - although, in my case, probably just lurking around...   PS - the page is still a work in progress - but that will always be the case. :thumbup:
ldswims

ldswims

1
 

01/15/10: Whoever coulda thunk it...

The MIL and her sweet hubby had to come to Houston for business. They arrived Weds morning and stayed in a hotel on the north side of town that day. Claimed the 50 miles they would have to drive by staying with us was too great to be of a benefit.   I will never understand that...I don't think. It makes no sense to me that staying in a hotel that is within 50 miles of your son is "easier" than not seeing your own son, who you rarely get to see - and always complain about not seeing enough of. To me, if I'm getting within 50 miles of anyone in my family, I'm gonna see them! But if I had kids - I'd be staying with them and dealing with 50 friggin miles.   But this isn't about that...   Cause she kinda sorta did some redeeming last night. At the very least she reminded me of why I used to think we clicked so well in the first place.   Initially they asked us to drive that 50 miles to see them after a long day of work and sitting in extra traffic to do so. Because of a certain situation my sweet hubby and I are dealing with, we asked to meet in the middle.   The next day they say to us, well, it just won't work out.   But it worked out for the better. Because since it "just wouldn't work out" they decided to stay in Houston an extra day. And not having business on the north side of town on that additional day, they could just come stay with us. So they did. They were there and waiting (inside, of course) when we got home yesterday and we spent a wonderful evening together.   I did my chicken in the crock pot. Take a whole roasting chicken, wash, pat dry, then, sprinkle with salt and pepper and throw just that in the pot. Set the pot to low and when you come home from work or errands or whatever, the chicken is so tender and juicy it's falling apart. (ok, takes about 8 hours min, but more time in the pot on low just makes it better...)   It's SOOOO tender and juicy. And whatever you want to do to it for flavor works as well as doing nothing.   I served that with a zucchini souffle. Wanting less starch, I thought that was a good balance of having A LOT of veggies and a little starch. Mix up a cup of flour, a tsp of baking powder, a pinch of paprika and some salt and pepper; then add 4 beaten eggs; and finally add 1 chopped onion and 3-4 zucchini. I added about a cup of cheese last night - a blend of cheddar, monterey and jack. Throw that in the oven at 350 for about an hour and you get a nice light fluffy thing. It's got bunches of protein - for a veggie/starch dish - and not a lot of carbs. (16 grams) Not something I'd make every day or even often, but for a change of pace and just something different, it was a nice dish.   So we sit down to dinner and they are just in awe over how wonderful the chicken was, how flavorful the zucchini was, and how easily it all came together. As a working person, I gotta say, I DO love the crock pot!   So after dinner was eaten, we set the hot tub to heat. Eventually it was warm enough to move out to stew ourselves and so we did. And once we did, the conversation really relaxed.   And then she did it. She started to redeem herself.   It all started with her bringing up the breakfast casseroles she made the last time we visisted her and when she did, my sweet hubby made sure to mention to her that she cannot make those for me anymore. She made one for me and one for my hubby. My hubby's was a grits casserole. I HATE grits. Can't stand the consistency and generally no flavor unless you add crap. For me, she made a hash brown casserole. And it was LOADED with hash browns. If it had been loaded with sausage and had some hash browns that might have helped but it was about a 1/4 lb of sausage and 3 pounds of hash browns all mixed with about 2 eggs. Anywho, since I AM trying to keep the protein up and the carbs down, that's not a great start to the day. And the interesting thing was, until I ate lunch and could get some protein in me, I was famished. It was kind of interesting to me and really drove a point home (a point I was pretty sure that I had already learned).   So when he said last night, you can't make that stuff for Lori anymore, she said...   I don't remember. :cursing:   But it did turn into a long conversation about nutrition and dietary needs/concerns/awarenesses/issues.   She is, like sooooo many people, soooo worried about eating "too much meat". And the category "meat" encompassed chicken, fish, etc in this conversation.   I told her about the "equation" to determine how much protein she should be eating in a day. My hubby and I talked about how to take good-for-you-foods and make them better.   And all the while I was kind of getting the impression that, like my sweet hubby, she's going to try and lose weight vicariously through me. What I learn, she employs. What I try - she will too. So from this whole conversation, she's going to go home and 1) eat the protein first, 2) figure out how much protein she needs in a day for her current weight, 3) eat as much protein as she needs instead of trying to cut back on it, 4) use our smoothie ideas and knowledge. Like us, she likes a smoothie best for breakfast but, like so many, has the idea that it should be pretty liquidy and not have any additives (like flaxseed oil or protein powder). My hubby and I have learned that in addition to switching to Fage (finally found it) and adding flaxseed oil, that if it's thicker, it holds us over longer. That whole slider vs. substantial food thing.   She questioned me on the zucchini souffle - good for her. I had never made it before, and while I will make it again, it will be special things like visits from the in-laws. I talked about something I believe which is that I don't want to diet to lose weight. I want to eat normally and more important,healthily. We had a whole long tangential conversation about if you do ketosis to lose the weight (even with the band) and then you get to your ideal weight and then the band is loosened for maintenance weight, well, you could be in trouble if you suddenly have to learn how to eat all over again. Without the band, that switch could be even worse. You should do, to lose weight, what you will do, to maintain weight. Lose weight = less intake. Maintain weight = optimal intake. But if you eat differently for either "phase", well, it could be a recipe for disaster. She agrees. She's going to try for <1200 calories a day until maintenance mode.   Now I have to mention here that both she and my sweet hubby (who is also doing this vicariously through me) would both qualify for Lap-Band®®® surgery. They are both overweight, although in the 35-40 BMI realm, not over 40. MIL would be self-pay so no worries on insurance stuff but my sweet hubby would have to prove co-morbidities for insurance coverage. MIL thinks she can do this on her own. Sweet hubby thinks he can do this on his own.   MIL has never really tried.   Sweet hubby has been trying for years and can only get 20 or so pounds off before it comes back again. I don't know what will happen for either of them but I suspect when (if it can happen at all) it starts to happen, for me, they will say oh...wait...   But they are holding out for now.   And so this conversation in the hot tub went on for well over a couple of hours. And then it led to great conversation in general in which she finally proclaimed, I just miss you guys.   Well, then...start spending time with us - and start letting us spend time with you!. We go see them - and we are heralded around for everything else but time with them. They come see us and we share a meal and then they leave. If you miss us, then let's stop this ridiculousness and spend some time together! Cause we certainly miss them.   So I'm getting pretty long. But it was a pretty good night filled with interesting conversation and even some affirmation. I love affirmation! I used to think I loved her dearly (and, of course, I do still think that) because we could talk so easily and I could say what I thought - which isn't too common, I don't think, especially when it comes to saying what you think to the person you think it about. There was a level of openness between us that I really appreciated! It made me think I'm-so-lucky-in-the-MIL-department. But the lack of visiting started me questioning priorities which left me disappointed. However, the candor last night was great, to me. For example, if one of my neighbors who is judging me about this decision asked me about the souffle, I'd go on the defensive. But with the MIL, I was pleased she questioned it, appreciated her reasoning for questioning it - and she agreed with my answer for why I chose to make it, too. No one has ever said the band is about eating boring, dry, flavorless, uninteresting food. It's about eating less of all of it - good and bad - and really questioning why or how much of the "bad stuff' you need. And the answer to needing bad stuff is YOU DON'T NEED IT. So then Why do you want it? And sometimes, just sometimes, the answer is ok. And sometimes, just sometimes, it's ok to go ahead and eat a very small portion of that bad stuff.   Anyway, if I don't stop here, I will never stop typing...so I'll just finish with...what started out as a long week with too much to process, for my sweet hubby and I, has turned out to be a week full of blessings and revelations. Life is good. (and then I think of Haiti...my heart goes out to the people of Haiti and I wish that my sweet hubby and I could do something and/or more to help than just donate to Red Cross. But at least that's something... sigh....)
ldswims

ldswims

3
 

01/12/10: Not much of anything

I like to blog. I think I've established that in the past. And I want to blog right now. But I have nothing to blog about!   How do you blog about nothing? I'm sure I can find a way but I'll save the time and energy and just not, mostly.   I am down 2 - two - dos - deux - more pounds. I don't know how. I don't know why. I just woke up yesterday and it was gone. I don't know what I did to lose it. And I don't know where I put it - not looking for it, though. It's just gone. Poof.   It's weird to just lose weight. Without trying. I've done this before. I'm sure I'll do it again. But it's weird. It makes me think I can do this sans the band. But then reality hits and I know that if I don't get banded, I'm likely to continue to yo-yo and that's what I want to STOP! It's never been a question about whether or not I can lose the weight. And in some ways, I'm fortunate. I don't go crazy for chocolate - don't like the stuff, actually. I don't like pie/cookies/cakes/sweet breads/candy/you-know-that-generally-sweet-stuff-that-most-people-will-kill-for. Love to bake/make it. Don't love to eat it...in general. Yes, I eat cookies. Yes, I'll have a piece of birthday cake. But I don't crave it. And I don't want piece after piece after piece of it. And in that, I'm fortunate, I think.   I do love potatoes. And bread. But I don't want piece after piece after serving after serving of that, either. I consider that fortunate, as well.   I am quite pleased/relieved/happy about having gotten back to healthy eating. Which is not to say I'm a health food junkie - I certainly enjoy my guilty pleasures, on occasion. But I am way more conscientious about what's going in my mouth, how much and even how much I've already had for the week. For example, where I used to eat cheetos I now eat carrots. And with choices like that, and it's just one of many, I think - why can't I do this myself? I think the band will offer a kind of security, though. A feedback mechanism, of course. But, when the hormones go crazy from pregnancy (I hope) I can go get the band tightened up until I'm through it. I hope this is how it can work. I hope I'm not setting myself up for future failures. I feel like I've already had enough in my life...but I'm not going there today....   One week down...three to go...and then the last month...   Here's to hoping!
ldswims

ldswims

2
 

01/18/10: And here we are...

It's a Monday. It's January 18th. That's about all I can say today.   To those that say the last month or two of the danged "unweightloss" program go by fast - go to friggin heck! This is way slower than it used to was.   The first four months I could sit there and think about everything else - still about the band, but it was everything else. But now, I'm in this kind of almost like agony just wondering if this is all for not. Will I even get approved for surgery? Will I have to go through years of appeals? Will this even happen?   I know, years of appeals is exagerating. We hope.   I have two and a half weeks until my next weigh in. And then presumably four more weeks until my last weigh in. Seems like I should be excited about, conceivably, just six and a half more weeks to go. And yet it feels like torture. Because I don't even know what will happen after these six and a half weeks.   In other news, I got my bloodwork results back. I still have high cholesterol. No surprise there. But what IS surprising is that it's not nearly as high as it used to was. It is already coming down. I sure didn't see that coming. I'm supposed to go check in with my PCP about this, but, you know...it's coming down without medical intervention. I want to get banded and see what else happens...   So there I go again...will I even get banded?   Ugh, six weeks. And that's just to finish this danged program. I thought I was at peace with it but apparently I'm not. I do, however, think I'm at a place where I can start working out again. The weight I thought I lost last week decided it missed me...which means I'm exactly where I was at my last weigh-in. I can wear lighter clothes for my next weigh-in cause it appears winter is over. From four days in freezing temps all the way to mid-70's this week. Ugh! I WANT WINTER!   Dangit Texas. Darned temperate climate....:thumbup:   Maybe I'm grumpy today. Just maybe. Spent all weekend fighting a cold and sleeping and now sweet hubby is home today with a day off - they call it a holiday at his place of employment. We are here keeping the computers whirring but I'm sooo not feeling it. Probably cause I'm grumpy. Not feeling anything other than GRRRR.   And for what. When I feel grrr, lately, I ask myself why. Does the alternative beat this? So what's my alternative. I could not be trying to get the lap-band® and I could still be struggling with my weight. Oh, wait. I am still struggling and even feeling defeated. I could not feel badly because of a cold on top of a cold I still hadn't quite beat. Oh wait, well, I'd rather NOT have the cold! I could not have a job. Ok...I'll pass on that one. I want to keep this job!   I guess I could join the ranks of BG et. al. and be plugged up. I'm tellin' you - the smoothie works wonders. I am sooo not the regular type when I don't drink the smoothie. One smoothie and one cup of coffee works wonders on me, though. We shall see what happens after the band...dangit - will I even get banded?   I'm so very all over the place and it's so very how I feel right now. I just want to know that this program is/will be worth it. I want to know that I will get banded. I want to know that life is on the mend, so to speak. I want to know that my new efforts are worth it. It doesn't help that at work I'm doing about the most mindless thing we do and it appears this is what I get to do for the next two months or so. It doesn't help because doing this mindless crap means my mind can race to other things I'd rather not even be conscious of - like will I even get banded?   At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...   Sigh...   And here we are...  
ldswims

ldswims

4
 

12/11/09: Ugh...

I feel like I have been the walking textbook of contagious disease. At least I am finally back to walking...   It's been crazy, that much I know. Last week I ended up with the first migraine I'd had in over two years. Surprising.   Over the weekend - felt great and fine.   Monday morning, nice and early I was hit with something but for the life of me, couldn't figure out what it was...   Food poisoning didn't make sense. Nothing I ate made anyone else sick. And the lapse between the last meal and onset of symptoms was far too great. But the flu didn't make sense either. No exposure to it and while some symptoms were present, others were not.   Went home sick Monday. Tuesday felt much better but still could not eat and so ended up with a overall feeling of lethargy. Went home sick Tuesday, too. Made it through more of the day, though.   Tuesday night after sleeping for hours and hours and hours I thought I could eat. So hubby obligingly went and got me the meal du jour. I ate it. It was good. I was happy.   Wednesday morning way before bright and early I knew that was a wrong choice.   Wednesday I just stayed home and vowed to go to the doc. My PCP couldn't see me, her schedule was full - but another doc in the practice had availability. GREAT! Just don't make me pay the urgent care fee - I'll be happy to see anyone for my normal copay.   Wednesday morning, as I was trying to get to sleep in between hourly trips to the restroom, it occurred to me - this might be gastroenteritis.   Wednesday afternoon it was confirmed.   I was told it was viral which meant I could take some OTC's to relieve the most annoying symptom of all. I was also given a scrip for phenargen so that I could start to ingest water and watered-down-gatorade. I was also told to stay home on Thurs as it was quite contagious.   Thursday, feeling better and finally rested, I started to come down with a cold that I knew was lurking in the sidewings. Apparently with enough energy to consume, NOW the cold feels like it can make it's presence known. So today is the stuffed up, coughing, aching (which has been there all along), can't breathe day. Oh well. I'll take this over the last thing if I've got no other choice...   Since Monday at 6:30 am I have lost 10 pounds. SOOOOO not how I wanted to lose 10 pounds! We'll see where I end up when things "normalize". Is this my 10 pounds for the month leaving me with the option of eating-what-I-want-over-Christmas?
ldswims

ldswims

4
 

01/20/10: Life marches on...

I think the cold that was beating me up on Monday is finally receding. Now there's a recession to appreciate!   I don't think I realized quite how badly I felt on Monday. But I think I felt so badly that I was quite grumpy and my perspective is...ummm...not so positive...when I'm grumpy. My mom used to hate me grumpy. I think my husband doesn't know what to do with me grumpy...   I don't either for that matter. But it happens. And sometimes I can figure out what's causing it and can then put myself in check. And other times it's just this thing that gets to badger me all day. And Monday was one such day. Didn't feel bad enough to know I felt bad. But didn't feel good enough to feel good, either.   (For the record, I'm not grumpy today, I'm stressed. There's a difference, although it's a fine line...)   By Tuesday I was done. I slept ALL day yesterday. Alarm went off and I thought to myself - there's just no way. I think this next thing speaks volumes - when I said to my hubby - I'm staying home - he normally says "are you sure?" and yesterday he just said "ok". So I went back to sleep. I woke up at 12:30 and was back asleep by 1. I woke up again at 1:30 and had to run an errand. I was back in bed by 2:30 and slept until 7 last night. And finally I was asleep by 9 for the night.   I feel human today!   And to make it even better - the scale dropped this morning, too! Didn't take any dayquil today and won't take any nyquil tonight. Not saying I've beat this cold - but it sure is receding!   It's been odd this winter. Normally I have one cold when school starts in the fall and one cold when school starts in January. This year - I've had a constant cold since November with a bout of gastroenteritis for good (HA) measure. I'm so sick of being sick.   I think that'd make even the happiest of people grumpy. I'm normally pretty happy, too!   So the scale dropped this morning. Not enough to make me say "ok, I'm good for the next weigh-in" but it was enough that I can now say to myself "ok, if I do this and this, then I'll be good for the next weigh-in". I have two weeks to make something happen - something meaning a pound or two. Seems do-able.   I do think my body has plateau-ed. It has done all it's going to do from just changing what I eat and how I think about it. Now don't take that as me saying "I've got the eating part all figured out" - cause I certainly don't.   I'm on an unweightloss program and with this, I have had a bit of, "well, I'm not banded yet, and I can't lose too much weight here, so I'll eat a little more of this, or a serving of that, or..." In other words, I apply the rules only insofar as I can afford to. I don't have the impression that I can just lose the weight and so I'm constantly doing and undoing my progress.   And I hate that. But that's neither here nor there.   What I do know is that even with this doing and undoing, my body has been responding in manner X. And this month my body is responding in manner Y. Which leads me to believe I've plateaued. So I have to change gears a bit. I feel like I have two options. I can stop the doing and undoing and just do. Or I can continue with the doing and undoing and add in light exercise.   For my mental health - I want my endorphines back - I am opting for the light exercise option.   I wish someone could get out there crystal ball and tell me that this stress I am feelingis worth it. Will this even happen?   I am not the sort that gets colds and flus and gastroenteritis' so easily. I used to work offshore and I went out on my vessel one time with 24 other people. 24 other people shared bronchitis, gastroenteritis, colds and more and I got NOTHING. We were out there for five weeks and these bugs kept getting passed back and forth and all around the crew. I got nothing! I was happy as a clam and not stressed and enjoying life. I got home to a sick fiance (had bronchitis) and still got nothing.   Stress matters. And the stress of this gosh-darned-stupid-as-all-get-out "unweightloss" program is killing me! Add to this the economy and this feeling that it's just a matter of time before I lose my job...and I'm stressed. Downright, nothing else to call it, S T R E S S E D!   So tell me. This one thing that I am truly adding to myself (cause I'm causing all my stress, but as much as I'm causing it, external factors are also at play) but this one thing - it's all me. I could say I'm not doing it, I'm not stressing about it, I'm done - but then I could just be fat forever. So tell me. WILL THIS STRESS BE WORTH IT?   If I get banded, yes. It's worth it. BUT WILL I GET BANDED?   ugh.   and sigh.   and ugh again.   I want to NOT HAVE A COLD. For the rest of this year. Not just this season. Not next season, either.   I want the economy to turn around. I want job security. Can't we all just get along?   I just want this phase to be over.   Over dangit, over!
ldswims

ldswims

3
 

12/08/09: Half way there

I have had an interesting time since last blogging.   Thursday I woke up grumpy as all get out. My hubby and I carpool and for the life of him, that morning, he could do nothing right. I griped and complained and tore new a-holes all while he sat patiently by my side waiting for it to end. Just about the time we were getting to the freeway for our drive in Houston I realized...I was getting a migraine. First one in over two years.   I dallyied with the idea of going home but thought, nah, it will all be ok. So we got on the freeway - me still griping away at my sweetheart of a hubby. And we were just about out of Clear Lake when the pain and the auras kicked in. I was done. I turned around and went home.   Hubby got back in that same car and went to work. I closed the drapes and the doors and silenced the phone and crawled into bed. And I stayed that way all day with blankets over my head even though the room was pitch black.   Yeah, not having a migraine in over two years seems to have led to a build up. Thursday night I was worse than ever and took some of my hard core migraine meds. Those made me feel like crap but the migraine did lessen up a bit. And so when I woke up Friday morning, I decided to take the day again.   You see, Friday, in Houston...IT SNOWED! So I figured - why fight the crazy weather and the bad drivers when I still have a bit of a migraine? Turns out I should have gone in. I would have been knocked off at noon - because they understand that no one in Houston knows how to deal with snow and ice. So I would not have had too much time staring at a monitor on Friday.   Oh well.   Hubby got to come home early, too. And we sat on our couch watching tv, keeping the fire going, while praying that the snow would start to stick. All day on Friday we hovered around 36-38 and so the snow never did stick. But about five miles to the west of us they did have the lower temps and the snow DID stick. I think we would have had about 4 inches if it had stuck, it snowed just about the whole day - started at 8am and didn't stop until 5pm.   Oh well.   I did apologize to hubby for my crazy behavior Thursday morning, too, and, being the sweet man that he is, said, "It's ok". No...it isn't...but thank you for thinking so.   Miraculously, I was fine all weekend.   Maybe that's irony. From my employer's perspective, anyway.   Yesterday I woke up feeling like general he!!. I got up and ran straight to the toilet. Felt like I had to throw up but I couldn't get my bum off the toilet long enough to make the switch. One of those days.   But yesterday was two things. One - it was my third weigh in. Two - it would be my third day off from work if I didn't go in.   That's significant because of our sick time policy. We have no limit to the amount of sick days we can take. Of course, you don't want to take any days. But most employers say six days or eight days and leave it at that. My employer says take what you need - but if you are gone three days or more then we want a Dr. note. Fair enough.   I didn't really want to go to the dr. Still don't. I don't know if I have the flu or some sort of weird food poisoning. Doesn't seem like food poisoning would make sense because it kicked in yesterday at 6:30 am and I hadn't eaten anything since Sunday at 5pm. That's not the normal time span between eating the bad thing and being affected by the bad thing. There is a bug going around my neighborhood - but it's all been sinus and chest related for them. So I'm not sure where I might have been exposed to the flu.   And since I wanted to go to my weigh in I decided I'd go to work and do what I could and leave if I needed to.   So the weigh in. After dropping the ten pounds earlier in the month, I managed to enjoy my Thanksgiving and was down a mere 3.5 from my previous weigh in. So, overall, I'm down 7 pounds from where I started back in October.   Everyone was AMAZED that I managed to lose weight over Thanksgiving. If only they knew!   The appt was good. They asked what I did and I told them. (increased my protein) They asked why I wasn't working out at the gym and I told them. (I'd lose weight too easily) The nutritionist asked why I wasn't wanting to lose the weight and I told her. (it's so not that I don't want to lose weight but that my insurance says I must "fail" this program) And then she said ok.   I, for reasons unknown to me, met with the nutrionist again yesterday and she at first wanted to coerce me (yes, I'm using that word) into just losing the weight. But I spelled it out for her. It's not that I can't lose this weight on my own. It's that I have never been able to keep it off! Oh...good point. I know I'm fooling myself here but it seems I might have actually gotten through to her yesterday.   The Nurse Practitioner I saw yesterday, though. I LIKE HER. I want to see only her from here on out! I LIKE HER A LOT! She understands the insurance joke. She didn't and doesn't want me to screw myself out of this. Her point all along has been "lose 2 to 4 pounds in this next month". 3.5 is good.   She did tell me that she thinks I will do very well with this. I think she was also banded - and is doing very well with her weightloss. That's my speculation. I saw three people come in yesterday and ask if she was there. And when the answer was yes, they would then say then I want to see her. I think that speaks volumes! I feel the same way. I didn't have the confusion leaving there like I did last time. I didn't feel like someone was pushing me one way or the other for some reason or another. It was a great visit.   Her reasoning for why I will do well? In my first visit she told me to:   1) get my psych consult done 2) get clearance from a cardiologist 3) get a letter of medical necessity from my PCP 4) get a letter of medical necessity from my Ob/Gyn 5) do the nutrition consult at my next visit   So I got the ball rolling on all of that stuff immediately. And it was good to not have waited because some of those things required two or three visits and ended up spanning Oct AND Nov. I turned in what I could last month and turned in the last of it this month.   She told me usually she says "do this" and then they come in for visit two and she says "do this" and then they come in for visit three and she says "do this" and then they come in for visit four and she says "do this or else" and then they come in for visit five and she says "seriously, if you don't do this, this won't happen".   They didn't have to reiterate a single thing with me. The nut said "eat more protein" and I did. Now she says "eat more fiber". Yeah...I'm not really going with that one. I'm plenty regular and it's because of my smoothie that I am. Do I get 30g of fiber a day? Maybe not, I'd have to calculate it out. But I know my body is getting what it needs. Not only do I get that smoothie but I also eat a lot of fiber rich veggies. Now, the one thing I do know is that if this regularity ever changes, then yes, I'll add fiber. But for now, I think I'm alright. And hubby is, too.   Anywho. To go on with why she thinks I'll do well - she didn't have to reiterate a single thing. And add to that - I lost weight over Thanksgiving. (If only they knew ). And finally, add to that - I seem to be motivated.   So from there I headed to work. Still hadn't ever thrown up but sure felt like I should. Got to work and started to try and settle in. And then I had to run to the bathroom. Got back to work and started to settle in. And then I had to run to the bathroom. And then it happened. For not having had anything to eat in 18 hours (5pm through to 11am) my stomach sure said otherwise!   So then I went home.   My boss is out today...   I'm here again, today. Still feel like crap. But my system is empty so that has helped a bit. From 6:30am yesterday to 6:30 am today I lost just over 7 pounds. Like I said, my system is empty!   And that's what I know.   I had a question about how this six month program worked. Would I have 7 visits or 6? You'd think - a six month program, that there would be a 7th to close out the 6 months. But no. I only have 6. So I have now completed 3. Which means I'm half way there. Which means I'll be done in March. Which means an April banding could be a possibility - if I get approved and all goes well. :thumbup:
ldswims

ldswims

3
 

12/28/09: Christmas is over?

Is Christmas really over? I guess since I'm back to work and everything is now gearing up for bringing in the New Year, I suppose that does mean that Christmas really IS over. :drool:   I had a great Christmas. We spent Christmas Eve evening with my husband's father's side of the family. Aside from having to drive almost an hour and a half each way to get there, it was a good time. We spent Christmas day at home. Mostly. Christmas morning we were home together. That afternoon we got together with our neighbors for a feast. They cooked a turkey and I cooked a prime rib roast. I also did my cauliflower gratin - which is one of my all time fave dishes! In addition to that, I did a batch of my stuffing, my cranberry relish and my green bean casserole which people say is "just different and better" than theirs. I use fresh green beans and I'm sure it's how I cook those green beans that makes the difference. We sat down to our meal around 3 and ate and ate and ate.   We played games well into the night and my sweet hubby and I had to run home for about an hour in the middle of that to get our stuff ready for Saturday's festivities. We were commissioned to bring our stuffed jalapenos so we got them stuffed and baked and headed back over for more games.   Saturday it was almost impossible to get up. We should have been leaving our house around 9 as our destination was 3 hours away and lunch was scheduled for 1pm. But we didn't even get out of bed until 10. And we didn't get to the destination until 2:30.   The destination was a small town on the outskirts of hill country here in Texas. We were having a family reunion Christmas party and this was the first year in over a decade where all members of the family were present. One wife and new baby and one girlfriend on the verge of becoming fiance were missing. I have finally met all of my sweet hubby's family. We got there at 2:30 and as is usual, lunch still had not happened. We ate around 3. Again with turkey but this time it was accompanied by ham and brisket. And lots of fixin's, of course.   I was pretty good on Saturday about not hitting the candy, cakes, pies, and sweets in general. I did eat my home made concoctions on Christmas day...   We were at that party until well after 10pm and then we headed back to the MIL's house. There the BIL and his wife, MIL and her husband and my husband and I sat down for our gift exchange. My homemade craftiness elicited many excited shouts of glee. I was actually surprised a bit as I had anticipated my MIL being way more "ooh and ahh" about it all but it was my SIL that was jumping up and down saying "YOU DID THIS?" Her craftiness has led to entrepreneurialism and so her compliments and amazement were flattering to me.   We finally crashed around 1am and were up bright and early at 9 for breakfast and then church. My MIL is the organist at her church and with all of her family in town many of us descended on her church. One of her brothers played as well, MIL on the organ and her brother on the piano. She had premade casseroles for each of us as SIL can't eat dairy, I dislike grits - and my hubby - her oldest son - LOVES grits. The casserole made with me in mind was a hashbrown casserole stuffed with scrambled eggs, sausage and bacon. While I love it - I had to tell her when she asked if it was good that I hope she understands she can't keep making these things for me. It was way more hash browns than anything else. Don't worry, I said it with tact and compliments as I do like the stuff. But I have also gotten to the point where anything but my smoothie in the morning just causes problems.   And yesterday was a case in point. Having had ALL that heavy starch first thing in the morning with not nearly enough protein in it to balance it out...I was FAMISHED all day long!   After church we headed over to one of the uncle's homes for lunch which was tacos and fajitas. I ate far more of all that than I would normally. Sweet hubby and I got on the road for Houston around 4 yesterday afternoon and after all that eating, I STILL wanted dinner last night, too. Got salads, though, so that was better than it could have been.   After three days of no scale activity I got on the scale this morning and saw a one pound rise. I had anticipated more, especially after yesterday. But I am not convinced this pound will stick as there are some issues working that when resolved will show a drop. Enough said on that one. :crying:   But here I am - after Christmas with things settling and only a pound to show for it. I did have this attitude this year of 'I'm just gonna eat and enjoy cause next year I'll have to worry about PB's and everything else' so I've actually eaten more cookies than I normally do. It's been odd. I know I'll still be able to eat cookies. I just don't know that I'll want to. And so I decided to enjoy! I'm still down from my last weigh in and I have my next one next Thurs. So when my issue works itself out, I know I'll be down even more. I know my issue is related to not having drank nearly enough water over the past four-five days. And now that I'm back to work, that will change.   It's been a wonderful Christmas this year - although way too busy. I think I will make gifts again - but I'm starting them in January. I think we will attend parties again - but not all of them. We have done too much driving over the past four days and while that was beneficial for knitting scarves, it was just too much time in the car. Visits were too short and my hubby and I are just thoroughly exhausted at this point. And the stressful part there is I'm not sure when we will catch up on sleep as we have more festivities, of course, this weekend - and travel, too. Our efforts to "have Christmas at home" have apparently made Christmas more stressful. :thumbup: So the feeling now...is that Christmas will be spent elsewhere. No more to-ing and fro-ing...that's what I say! Either that...or we move! :thumbdown:
ldswims

ldswims

5
 

12/14/09: The Christmas bells are ringing...

The holidays are in full swing and I don't know where I'm going anymore. :confused: I have that crazed approach to everything that only the holidaze can create. I'm having fun and I'm along for the ride but I'm already eager for January when I can stop knitting!   I feel like I have to worry about my weightloss AND my "unweightloss" this month. I can't lose too much. But I HAVE to lose some. I'm shooting for another month of losing 3.5 I'm down because of my bout with gastroenteritis last week - but I don't know what I'm down because now my hormones have taken over and they ALWAYS make me gain at least 5. It will be next weekend before I know where I am. It's kind of a ridiculous feeling to have to worry about losing weight - but not too much - while also worrying about not losing weight at all - and being a scale-aholic - not being able to get on the scale and see SOMETHING either way this week kills me.   My one saving grace is cold (or coolish since this is Houston) weather always makes me lose weight. I have generally ALWAYS lost weight over Thanksgiving and Christmas. Between all the prep and running around - and you add in the coolish weather and my body is happy with that - it leads to "easy" drops in weight...   So my running around is driving me crazy.   In efforts to conserve money this year my husband (HA) and I decided to make what we could. We is a funny funny word when it comes to crafts. He's happy to be conserving money. But that's where his involvement ends. I am knitting scarves for just about everyone. It turned out to be 16 scarves and I've got 9 done. I'm feeling better about getting the scarves done after this weekend.   I am also etching glass for everyone. Not quite as many peeps as the scarves are being made for. But...with this endeavor I AM feeling like I'm running out of time.   I am also about to start my bakefest. I make sugar cookies, gingerbread men, pecan butter balls, english toffee and fudge. I give most of it away. I will eat about 3 or 4 sugar cookies over about two weeks and my only weakness of all of that is the pecan butter balls.   Add to that, what we are buying or have bought needs to get wrapped.   And all the while, sweet loving adorable hubby is sitting on the couch watching football or standing in front of the tv playing WII golf.   Thanks, Dear.   Of course, what can he do? Does a man knit? He actually will help with the baking, though - we have had fun with that every year since we met. And he is a good wrapper so if I get desperate enough, I can beg and plead for him to help. Not there yet - and I love to wrap myself. I see a night next week where we are both on the floor with our wrapping factory in full force.   I love this time of year and hate that I spent last week sick as a dog. I lost four days last week to not being able to do anything other than run to the toilet. But such is life. Last week did have a purpose of some sort, so whatever's clever and all that... (Not sure I know what it was, but I subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason....)
ldswims

ldswims

2
 

12/21/09: What a wonderful time of the year...

I love Christmas. I love the hustle and the bustle of all the preparations and I love the feeling of togetherness that develops as the season wears on.   This weekend was a particularly fantastic weekend! Friday night my hubby and I met up with one of his oldest friends and his girlfriend who were visiting from Denver. We went to our favorite Mexican place and ordered the world's most fantastic fajitas. I could only eat one. Wow!   Saturday I spent the day baking and candy-making. I baked up two batches of my family recipe of sugar cookies which probably makes up 140 some odd cookies. I baked up two batches of gingerbread men (another 60 cookies). I baked up three batches of pecan butter balls (my fave - and another 80 cookies). I made up three bathces of english toffee (about 300 pieces). And finally, I made up two batches of fudge - one with nuts, one without.   I was on my feet in the kitchen for 15 hours.   After all that - I can pretty much bet I will eat barely any of it. I don't sample while I cook. I don't nibble while I bake. I don't eat bits and pieces while I decorate. Almost all of this will get given away. Somewhere around the 27th of December I will wander into the kitchen and grab a glass of milk and a pecan butter ball. And then it will all be over and I'll grab 2 or 3 each day until they are gone. But by the time I start, there will only be about 10-20 left and so this won't last very long for me. I can't explain it - but if I make the stuff, I don't eat the stuff. If I leave it for someone else to do...I will nibble on the stuff then.   Furthermore, I spent so much time in the kitchen doing all this that I burned off two pounds. Add those two to being down because of the gastroenteritis two weeks ago and I'm really down for the month. So I can eat those pecan butter balls and not feel too badly for it. Wouldn't it be nice, though, if I weren't trying to lose this weight for good? If just in the normal cycle of things I lost weight and then put it back on...because I was trying to maintain a weight? Wouldn't that be awesome?!?!   I have a whole collection of tins I've bought through the getting ready for the season outtings and my hubby and I will load those up with a sampling of the goodies and then take them around to friends and family. We are giving out about 20 tins and 40 baggies this year. I'm telling you...there won't be much left for us.   I have always baked like this. My mom did this when I was a wee little one and when I was about 2 she started putting me to work. When I moved out and got set up - I couldn't not bake and make so I kept it up even while she was doing her own batches. Most years we were back together and did all this together but there were two where we did things separately and then joined up for the holiday. But now, with my mom gone, I'm glad I never lost momentum on this. It IS an undertaking and it WOULD be so easy to say "not this year". But the first year I say that will be the year after the last year I do this. And I won't give this up. Especially since this has never been a source of weight gain - I don't eat the stuff.   Ok...I do nibble on a piece or two of the toffee and a piece or two of the fudge. And I do eat the pecan butter balls. But I very honestly do not eat very much of it and I have never gained weight from it because the calories do come off of other items through the days and the activity level is way up right now, anyway.   But I won't give this up...Saturday night, after hubby and I slaved away and got the kitchen back to clean we (literally) crawled into the hot tub, which we were wise enough to start heating at just the right point so that the hot tub was perfectly ready exactly when we were. While we were sitting in the very perfect water on a very chilly night we were chatting away at each other, as we do. And he told me...he loves that I do this.   Anywho. I won't give this up - even when I have a band that is so friggin tight I can't drink water - I will STILL be in the kitchen baking and candy-making!   (Hopefully I am never in a situation where the band I will have next year is so tight I can't drink water. I'll have other issues then...and might have to say - I'll bake tomorrow but not today.) :cursing:   Sunday was another fantastic day. We got to see the oldest friend and his girlfriend again for a brunch. The brunch was at the friend's parents house and it was great to catch up with his parents. After the brunch we took them up to the airport since we live much closer to it than his parents do and were on our way there anyway. And from there I went home and got to work on my etching. I am loving all of this glass. Each piece I have done I want to KEEP FOR MYSELF! It's all so beautiful. And I just hope that the people I give this stuff to appreciate it! Each piece is personalized in two ways. One - in the design I pick out and two - I am putting their monogram on, as well.   And so here we are, on Monday. Back at work with nothing to do...I'm just waiting for today, tomorrow and Wednesday to be over so that I can finish getting all this stuff made and then wrapped - so that it can be unwrapped. I do hope this year is good for smiles. I love giving gifts more than I love receiving gifts and I think I've got a great year on my hands - I just hope it pans out as I think it will.   What a wonderful time of the year!
ldswims

ldswims

4
 

11/20/09: T g i f

TGIF. TGI Friday AND the last day before a week off! It's just a great day all around!   Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I usually even enjoy it. I just love to spend my time with my hubby and family and friends MORE!   So a few things I want to pontificate on today...   1) the whole not drinking while you eat thing. I want to know why this is? Some people say it's because you feel full faster if you drink water while you eat and that means you get less nutrition in since you "fill up faster". Other people say it's because the water lets the food slide right through and you end up eating more.   So which is the truth?   Interestingly enough...I don't care, to be honest. If it's something I'm not supposed to do - I won't.   I thought I would struggle with this major change so I'm trying to change it now - while it still "doesn't matter". And turns out...I LIKE not drinking with my meals. Take lunch for example. I keep a ginormous cup of ice water beside me throughout the day. And I have been trying this don't drink for half an hour before, during or half an hour after.   Side note. I see some docs say half hours before and after. Others say hour before and after. And finally, the last group say half hour before or hour after. This leads me to question the scientific methodology behind this recommendation. But that's me and my science brain at work...and my brain is all for science...   Anywho...so I am doing the half hour thing. And I am now finding that I can eat less lunch. Not because I feel full sooner. But actually because I get to keep the taste of the food in my mouth longer.   When I drink water with each bite - I wash down the wonderful flavors of what I was eating. So I eat more - to get more of the flavors. So now that I'm not washing those flavors away, I find I don't chase the flavor any longer.   INTERESTING!   Dinner is my one stretch. I am not opposed to some beer or wine with dinner on occasion. And when that wine glass is sitting above my fork - I do tend to continue to pick it up. Furthermore - that half hour before and after thing flies out the window when the wine glass or beer mug is there.   And...breakfast...is generally a smoothie anyway. So sorry. I can't NOT drink with breakfast...   Breakfast has always been an interesting thing with me. As a kid I adamantly refused to eat the meal. My mom would feel guilty for sending me off to school without a meal - even though I insisted so she would force feed me. On the rare occasion when she did successfully force feed me - the teacher/principal would be calling around 10:30 AM saying I was sick.   To this day - if I eat breakfast - a meal before 10AM - I will get sick. A smoothie is the one thing that will not make me sick.   And my mom tried everything. A bowl of cereal. Eggs and bacon. Waffles. Oatmeal. Pancakes. Fruit. You name it. It ALL made me sick.   If she sent me to school without that - according to the medical world - required - meal, I was fine. So around about the time I was 7 or 8 - she just gave up - and I stopped getting sick!   I can eat breakfast foods. It's not the food that is the issue. It is eating something before 10AM.   Funny stuff. But like I said - I drink breakfast. And so I can't follow that no drinking before during and after thing...cause...well...   I will be curious to see how I develop with the band when I get there. Some people are tight in the morning. Some are tight in the evening. I fully expect to be tightin the morning. I mean tight. So I don't expect this to change much for the "better".   Next thing...   2) I had to go shopping last night. It was fun - for the most part. My husband and I have been in skimp mode this year and so have not done much of any shopping at all. My SIL is having her wedding reception this weekend and I realized I have nothing appropriate to wear to such events. It's just a reception - but all of my clothes that fit are either way too casual or black. So I thought 'I'll just get a little dress that I can wear to this and all the Christmas parties that are about to start'.   HAHAHA:lol::tt2:   Apparently fat people are not supposed to wear dresses this season. I went in plus size stores and NO dresses whatsoever were on the racks. I went to Macy's and Dillards to their plus size sections - and no dresses whatsoever were on the racks. Macys had one rack in their formal wear that had some quite hideous dresses to choose from. Four, to be exact. And they were all over $100. For a dress I plan to wear three times TOTAL - I don't think so! Not spending that much money on something hideous on the rack that will look even worse on me!   Prior to this summer I could still get dresses in the regular sizes but for some reason, over the summer, my stomach ballooned out. And I have no choice but to do plus sizes now. I know there are tons of options online - but this reception is on Sunday.     It was just on Weds when I turned to my hubby and said "what are you going to wear on Sunday?"   You see...I was not anticipating a full on get decked out wedding reception. The SIL and her new hubby (for reasons unknown to us) had to rush off to Las Vegas THIS month to get married RIGHT NOW. Hmmm...that leaves a lot of room for speculation.   When you have rush rush weddings like that - you don't generally have the formal types of receptions. In fact, from what I know (which isn't right or wrong), they are generally casual parties in which people get together and have fun.   Yeah.. :huh2:   Hubby says "my suit".   I say "your what?" :ohmy:   My suit, he says. Well, maybe just the slacks, a long sleeve button down and a tie.   What, I say?   I didn't figure it would be jeans and t-shirts - but given the restaurant they rented out, I was thinking business casual was quite appropriate.   Nope. Business formal.   I have no business formal that fits. I have tons of clothes. But I have four pairs of slacks and about eight shirts to choose from right now. AND I DO NOT WANT TO BUY MORE! My next clothes purchases will be in the sizes of 10 and below - cause I still have tons of 12's, 14's, 16's and 18's. I will not buy another 20!   And so, perusing the stores last night - turns out, I can't buy another 20 anyway. There was NOTHING to choose from. I've decided I'm going to wear my black slacks with a nice blouse - give up on the dress idea. So I need to go out again tonight to get a blouse. But I do have to buy a new blouse. All the blouses I have are black or black and white. I am certain I will never live down wearing black to the reception - even if it is what we think (yes WE) of this marriage. Parents, siblings, everyone - strongly against this...but what do you do?   And I have to go tonight to get this blouse...whatever blouse it might be. Tomorrow I get to go to my one Aggie game of the season.   I am a season ticket holder for Texas A&M football. I love my Aggie football and have missed all the games this season for a variety of reasons. I don't know that I could do them, anyway. A&M is "home of the 12th Man" which means we stand through the entire game. Being heavier than ever, I don't think my feet would tolerate this at all right now. I am sure I will be feeling this on Sunday - but the one thing I can say is at least I'll get in one game this season. And I'll spend the day with my best friend from college - someone whom I've not seen much of this whole year. I am looking forward to some time with her.   Following that, my hubby and I are meeting up at the SIL's house on the north side of town to spend the night. It will be SIL and her new hubby, the other SIL and her fiance and my hubby and I. I am looking forward to some time with these peeps as I genuinely like them but still don't know them all that well, even though I've been around now for almost three years. It should be fun - and then we'll all get up on Sunday and get dressed to the nines to head off to SIL's wedding reception.   Forgot a little tidbit there. SIL is wearing her wedding dress to this shindig. My hubby knew that - but I did not. And her new hubby is wearing his tux. So this isn't just a fun little congratulatory party after all...         But who cares. TGIF!!!!! Especially THIS one! :party::cheers2::party:     Grr..for who knows what reason this stupid thing won't let me have TGIF in the title ALL capitalized! This is the last time I try and edit this...and if it works then this note is for nothing...
ldswims

ldswims

2
 

11/30/09: Back to work...part 1

This is quite long so I'm sure this will end up in multiple parts. But I was gone for a week, so it is what it is. Taking last week off was heaven. And now I'm glad to be back at work so that I can relax. :sleep: Overallw we had a fantastic Thanksgiving and I had so much fun getting ready for it. It all started with Friday night. My hubby and I got some movies on the way home from work and curled up on the couch to watch them. It was a nice evening - although late as we didn't sit down to watch those movies until after 10pm and I had to be up at 8am the next morning... Saturday - didn't make that 8am wake up call. Nor did I make the 9am wake up call. :sleep2: Around about 9:45 I finally did drag my sleepy bum out of bed and I hightailed it around the house to get packed and sorted for what Hubby needed to bring up for me - and then I headed out to pick up the best friend from college so we could return to our old stomping grounds for a football game against Baylor. It was downright chilly in the stadium. It misted and spitted on us all the way up to College Station and we were not prepared for wet weather as ALL reports said the rain would be gone by noon. Kick off was at 2:30 so we didn't take along anything to help keep us dry. But at 2:30 - the hissing and spitting and misting was still in full force. Added to that just-enough-to-get-you-damp factor was a breeze that was blowing the 53 degree air straight into us from all directions. It was chilly. And who in the world prepares for a chilly game...in November...IN TEXAS? We shouldn't have weather like this until January! :cool: Love global warming. But I won't get on that soapbox... The game was good. And although it was only Baylor we won anyway. We are rebuilding our program right now and it always feels like - ok, we are finally turning things around - and then something like Baylor will come along and blow that all away. But we won. And we played a good game. I never expected much out of this season. Our program was so devastated by our last coach and this coach is just finishing his second year. Next year I expect to see real progress...as the players mature and all that. And with the Sat game against Baylor and the Thursday (Thanksgiviing) game against tu (that's what Ags call UT-Austin, in case you were wondering) I am seeing something that will be a lot more fun to watch next year. Anywho, I'll get off this soapbox now, too. I had a great time with my long lost friend from college. We live fairly close - but it's just far enough away...she is on the north side of Houston and I'm on the south side...so we don't see each other nearly as much as we'd like. I told her all about the lap-band because I knew she wouldn't judge. We've both had a lot of laughs at my fat-scapades and I know she'll support this decision and even life after banding. She has always insisted - prior to this year - that I'm not as fat as I think I am and we had a good laugh when I said "I think I finally really am fat". She could no longer argue with me. It was actually pretty cute and believe it or not, it affirmed me in this decision. She's never been one to lie to me about how twisted my self-image is. Nor do I with her. 'Tis part of why we are such great friends - how often do you find someone you can REALLY be honest with? Brutally honest. And have them love you more for it? Anywho. After the game we headed back to H-town where I dropped her off at home. And from there I headed to my SIL's house where I met back up with my hubby. We played a game called "Apples to Apples" into the wee hours of the morning. That was a fun game. My hubby and I stayed up with the SIL until well after 4:30 am talking about the changes that marriage requires. My hubby and I have been married about a year and a half and still have tons to learn. But we were both surprised by the fact that on May 10th when we said "I do" - everything CHANGED. We lived together for a year before getting married and thought we had it all in the bag since we had already combined our lives. SIL is now going through the same thing with her new hubby. And she was quite relieved to know - it's normal. My hubby and I say that it was after our first anniversary that we actually got into what we had expected our "honeymoon phase" to be like. After our three hours of sleep we got up and got all dolled up for the reception of the SIL and her new hubby. And then we headed off for downtown Houston where a restaurant's upstairs had been rented out for the event. Friday night I ended up finding a perky pink sweater that my husband claimed was flattering on me. He's so sweet. I don't know that I agree - but it wasn't hideous like everything else I'd seen the evening before. That's the last thing I'll buy at this size. That sweater will do well for Christmas and anything else that might come along for the next few months. It's not a heavy sweater at all, so it can work with multiple seasons. The reception on Sunday was fun. We enjoyed being with the family for the few hours and also were glad to get on the road for home late in the afternoon. We live about an hour south of Houston so we were exhausted by the time we made it home around 6 that evening. And from there Hubby and a neighbor had signed me up for making them a rack of lamb. I served that with Greek potatoes and roasted green beans. Suffice it to say, it was a very late dinner. Be back with part 2 next... :thumbup:
ldswims

ldswims

1
 

12/02/09: All we can do

All we can do is look forward to the next thing. I am not banded. All I can do is look forward to the day when I am.   For those just banded - all you can do is look forward to the day that bandster hell is finally over and weightloss truly begins.   For those in weightloss - all you can do is look forward to the day when you hit your goal weight.   For those at goal weight - all you can do is look forward to the day that you never gain an ounce back.   Doesn't seem so bad to me. I love looking forward to things! And what I look forward to changes daily. That's ok - figuring out new goals and projects is part of the fun of life!   What will I be like when this unweightloss program is over? What will I be like when I am banded and mad? What will I be like when I realize there was no reason to be mad and progress IS happening? What will I be like when I realize I AM losing weight for good? Will I remember the frustration of the previous phase and stop worrying? I hope so. I cannot wait to find out!   Disclaimer - this is in no way meant to be thorough or complete about all the all-we-can-do's we run into in life or with the band. This is just something to remind me that struggles happen and perspective matters!
ldswims

ldswims

1
 

01/08/10: Fires in the fireplace and by golly, I think I'm feeling better already!

It's cold. I love it! I hate the idea that next week it heats back up. And by heat I mean temps in the upper 50's and lower 60's. I think this up-down-up-down has got to be hard on us!   And that's what my weight does...odd...parallels are always interesting to me...   I'm not up. That's history.   I have lost about 15 pounds so far. That's insignificantly significant! I am on the "unweightloss" program, as required by my insurance. Maybe it's ok that I lose weight on this program but I don't ever get the impression that it is. So I'm holding back. I'm living it up on some days, too - 6 months full of 'this might be the last time ever" crap.   I hate crap. I don't play the crap game well.   Now craps in Vegas - that I can do.   But the malarchy-game-playing-crap...not so good at it and tend to avoid it. Yet, here I am....   So 15 pounds. What does that mean?   Here's what I'm noticing so far.   I have one pair of jeans that "fit". I get to wear jeans on Friday and on weekends depending on what we are up to. Not a lot of necessity for jeans. So I am not worried about having only one pair. This one pair changes from comfortable and relaxed after being washed to tight and tight. I hate washing them. It's a necessary evil. I will love the day when I don't have to worry about this anymore as I don't remember "normal" jeans being so drastically different after a wash. Anywho. 15 pounds means that these jeans, when I put them on this morning - and it was the first time in almost two weeks - were almost comfortable starting out. Yes. Just washed. And I didn't have that stuffed feeling I get until they get to comfortable and relaxed again. I could almost like these jeans...   Another thing on my noticed list.   And these are all small, mind you. But they are starting to appear and I LIKE that!   This weekend I cooked up a lobster risotto for some visiting friends. Lobster risotto is a bit of work. There's the cracking of the lobsters to extract the meat. There's the making of the lobster broth. And then there's the actual making of the risotto. Anyone ever make a real risotto? It requires a long stint of standing at the stove keeping the rice just moist enough to cook while not drying out and not drowning. It's easy to do - but it requires usually about 40 minutes of standing at the stove before all is done and perfect.   3 months ago when I made this dish my feet were KILLING me!   This weekend when I made this dish....my feet were just a little mad once I finally sat down to eat.   :thumbup::thumbup::biggrin::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: Another thing on my noticed list.   After I noticed that....I realized...my feet haven't bugged me in what seems like quite awhile.   Wow. I can't say anything else about that but WOW!   Another thing on my noticed list.   I just actually am feeling like I just feel better!   And this is just 15 pounds! I can't wait until I no longer have to hold back. I can't wait until I can get back to my weightlifting and/or swimming.   This is just 15 pounds. How will I feel when it's 50? When it's 75? When it's 100? And finally, when it's 120?   :thumbup:
ldswims

ldswims

2
 

01/14/10: A blog for the blogs

I love reading everyone's blogs because I find out a lot of information. I am not reading too much about other people that are stuck in the unweightloss program from he!! just like me - and I kinda wish I were. But I can go back to some other blogs and see what they were thinking/saying/feeling back then and I say "ok". But I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like when I'm done with this and waiting on approval. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like to finally get a date. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like to have the surgery. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what the healing will be like. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what the initial weightloss might be like. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like at six months and then a year and with each 10 pound loss, etc.   I try to make my blog be pertinent and about life and I don't know that I pull it off. But I try...   And my thougts today are not that I need to add another blog (like so many of the others) saying something to the effect of:   "I lost another pound yesterday which means, I'm down 3 for the "month" (which for me started on the 7th) and that's significant to me because I'm at that time of my cycle where I should be gaining. I'm bloated as all get out and my jeans are still loose on me. I just need to keep this going..."   No. I don't need to add that. But it seems like the "recipe book for Bandster blogs" states that you must say how many pounds in how many days. And isn't that a given, on this website of all websites, that we are here to proclaim we lost weight?   Instead, I want to say, today, that somehow, I'm at peace with this danged program that I think is such a joke (sounds like it, eh?). I'm closer to done than not. On the one hand, I want so much to move on. I can't exercise or my weightloss will get out of control and that could be bad. Might not be, but could be. But I WANT to! I want to be walking - because I already feel better with what little I've done. I want to be lifting weights, because I already feel better with what I've done. And "with what I've done" I mean the weight that I've lost already - and it's not much. I am struggling to not exercise. Really struggling. Is anyone else dealing with this?   I want to say that this process, this path has led me to examine other things in my life. And like so many other bloggers/bandsters - this is my year for change. I am cleaning out the proverbial closet and throwing skeletons away. I'm not really sure why I was even hanging onto them. Turning over new stones and leaves and I feel very very fortunate that I'm doing these things at 34.   I keep reading blogs about details. But not about the why's behind them. Those why's tell the story - and they might help someone else in this process.   Why am I losing weight without trying? Because I'm focusing on protein. Not ketosis. I still eat my starches amongst all the other "shoulds" and even a few of the "should-nots". But my protein was way too low for way too long. Who knew that protein intake can matter more than fat intake!   I feel like this year is the year I get back on track. I'm not even sure what the track is - track sounds so uni-directional. But in multiple arenas of my life, I've just been trying and trying and trying to swim upstream in a river that's overflowed it's banks. I got so far off course...I couldn't even begin to tell you where the river once flowed. And I'm not going to try that anymore. I'm going to try something else now. To me, the band represents a new approach. In each of the stones my husband and I are turning over, there are new approaches being discovered. That's the nice thing about life - there is no "one" way to do anything. And if what you are doing doesn't work - find a new way. An obstacle pops up? Go around it - the view from that approach may just be better.
ldswims

ldswims

2
 

11/19/09: Another day

Oddly, this blog is helping me get through the six months. So if you get tired of my drivel, I understand - but this is entirely about getting through this and keeping my momentum, right now anyway.   Between this blog and reading everyone else's - I'm learning a lot and generally keeping my mind occupied on something other than my impatience.   I am impatient.   Yesterday was Wednesday. Today is Thursday. That's progress! I like progress!   Why is this progress? Because sometimes one little ol' day is enough to comfort me. Yesterday - Dec 7th seemed so very far away. Dec 7th is my next weigh in. Dec 7th is, in some realm or another, my midway point for the unweightloss program. So how does going from Weds to Thurs make me feel better?   Because Weds is hump day. It's that day that's not leading into the week and it's not leading out of the week. It's just there. It was my hump day before vacation. So now I'm on the downhill slide for the week and vacation is looming.   Next week will be different. I won't be preoccupied about this - because I'll be preoccupied about something else.   And then I'll come back and have one measly week before my next weigh in. And therefore (knowing myself as I do) that will be a quick week! Couple the excitement of midway with returning from vacation and being slammed with "crap, I'm back at work" - it will be a quick week.   And then it's Christmas season, anyway. And time will fly! I'll be begging for the days when all I could do is sit here and think about this because time will speed up in the next week to something a bit beyond a blur.   So really, one day changes everything for me.   I know, I've got this whacky count down thing and now one day means it's the end of the year and I'm half way through my unweightloss program. But work with me here. If this makes me feel better - let me have it. Cause I feel better now.   All I can say is I hope there are people on this planet who don't have to twist calendars and clocks to get 'feel better' moments.
ldswims

ldswims

5
 

12/16/09: I had this realization...

I had this realization yesterday that I am getting closer and closer to something. I am past the halfway point of this ridiculous program and I am also moving further and further away from that halfway point... And like with Thanksgiving where I ended up finally getting too busy to think about it all...time is flying. I realized yesterday that by the time the holiday dust settles, it will be time for appointment number four.   Appointment number four means I have only two more remaining. And I seem to gather from the people that have to do this that the last two months actually do fly by - especially the last month. But all of the sudden, yesterday, I realized, I AM making progress.   I don't know what I weigh right now. That's frustrating. Every time I eat something, I end up back in the bathroom. Still not 100% after last week and I'm sure this cold isn't helping. But the scale is all over the place right now, just like my body. It's very strange....   As for my crafts, things are plugging along. I have about five scarves left to make. And this weekend I have blocked out at least 8 hours for etching all my glass. I should get the glass done this weekend (and hopefully even wrapped) and 2 of the 5 scarves don't have to be ready until Dec 31. So I'm calming down as I'm realizing I'm going to be alright...   It also feels good to have the house decorated finally. That was something that just didn't seem to be coming together this year, which is very odd! We get a live (or rather a dead) tree and because it's a live (dead) tree and it's just going to lose needles we've always gotten them 2 weeks before Christmas. It's up for two weeks and then one week after Christmas and by then it really is fuel. But the tree is the last thing up. The weekend after Thanksgiving we get our outside lights up and put all the rest of the decorations out.   Outside lights got up. And that was that.   And then I started to go crazy with the crafts.   And then I got sick.   And still the decorations didn't get out. Hubby had very dutifully gotten everything out of the attic when he got the lights out. But all the boxes sat in the garage for the longest time...   This past weekend all the decorations finally got themselves out and situated (mostly). It's so weird to feel like this Christmas just has no momentum. But that's what it feels like. Don't want to spend money, don't want to travel, don't want to...anything, really. I am enjoying the parties but it's just off. And it's weird.   I also have this persistent thought in my head about what this time next year will be like. Will I be banded? Will I have lost weight? Will I be more willing to spend money? Will I still have a job? Will I...anything?   I haven't told anyone this (will tell my hubby but no one else) but I decided on Monday I wanted to take pictures to send a photo card as our Christmas card this year. So we took the pic Monday night and got the cards ordered. They will arrive today and we will get them in the mail this weekend (nothing like the last minute Christmas card). I HATE the way I look in pics right now. And I have NEVER sent a photo card before. But I wanted to send one this year. I know my family thinks I'm hideous (and so do I) but I WANT them to see the "before". I just hope that this time next year I can take some pics that are showing movement towards the "after".   So will I be banded? You see...just about everything I do this year for Christmas is equating to "what will it be like this time next year?" Go to a Christmas party? Oh, all right. But I don't have anything cute, fun and festive to wear. And I certainly don't want to buy anything. I don't want to spend the money AND I don't want to buy this size AND nothing is flattering anyway! So what will it be like next year?   I hate this, to be honest. I like to live my life now. I like to live my life today. And I feel like I'm in this holding stage - being held hostage by the insurance company - where I have to just sit here and wait to start living my real life. I JUST WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT!   Ugh.   I guess this is turning into a rant fest and for that I am sorry. Sure didn't start out with that intention...   Oh well. As frustrated and irriated as I am, I am still enjoying myself. It's just not the normal feelings, that's all. It doesn't help that one of our friends in our tightnit neighborhood is moving away all the way to Iowa. They basically have their house all packed and ready to go as the truck arrives to haul their stuff off on Dec 26th and they want to enjoy Christmas at this point. So we are trying to get together nightly for dinner - and these are the super skinny peeps that don't understand why not everyone can eat 5 servings of various carb dishes a meal. Althought I'm actually not worried about the eating aspect - I'm finding that I am making good choices. No desert...small, if any, servings of ONE carb...   It will be good to go back to my own cooking, though. I DO love to cook!   And so here I am. I think the Christmas season has me firmly in it's grip....
ldswims

ldswims

4
 

11/30/09: Back to work...part 3

And then MIL turned up. She brought fresh roses for me - and told me it was to make me feel better.   I have to chuckle if she thinks that fresh roses makes up for a nothing of a visit. We wanted HER not ROSES!   She disappeared out of the kitchen and that was that.   We sat down to dinner which was very nice. Everything came together nicely - nothing was under or over cooked and that is always a good thing. Super-mom's husband proclaimed this to be the best Thanksgiving meal he'd ever had. MIL's husband proclaimed that my stuffing is the best he's ever had. In my family we have a tradition of singing "We Gather Together" as our prayer for the meal and everyone joined in with me, so that was pretty cool to me.   Everyone ate their hearts out and we were sitting around the table 45 minutes or so after dinner being served when the doorbell rang. It was Hubby's brother and SIL. Yep - HIS brother and HIS SIL. Sorry, I can't quite claim them as anything to me at this point.   With their arrival, MIL and her husband excused themselves from the table and headed into the family room to visit with their son and DIL. My Hubby calls his brother "The Good Son" only half-jokingly. I've seen the reason behind that (his step-siblings call him the same thing) in the past - but I REALLY saw the reason behind that this time.   I'll just say the MIL would not come in for pie with everyone else (and her husband was not allowed to since she didn't). She would not talk to or associate with anyone else but The Good Son until he left - around 8pm. The Good Son tried to start fights with my Hubby on about three different occasions and twice with me. Other than starting the fights with us, he never really said anything directly to us and his wife would stop talking if she thought we were trying to be in the conversation. Needless to say, it was a very pleasant afternoon. HA!   After The Good Son left, MIL and her husband and my Hubby and I just stared at each other for about forty minutes. By then the house had cleared out and it was just the four of us.   Eventually the chatting did start. And from there we heated the hot tub and went out for a soak.   I used to be able to chatter at my MIL but this visit was just awful. She didn't have anything to say and if she did, it wasn't nice. I, at one point, wanted to tell her about the band but by Thurs evening had decided I didn't want to. Hubby didn't understand and I didn't know how to articulate why, but eventually she asked what my news was and he told her and that was that. Now I know that I didn't want to tell her because I felt like she wasn't (isn't) really going to be supportive. She isn't going to be judgmental, but she isn't' going to be supportive and I don't want to tell anyone who doesn't get it. But like I said, I couldn't articulate that and so Hubby, not knowing better, spilled the beans. He thought he was helping because he was thinking I was mad and therefore was withholding information, and he was thinking that talking about this would get everyone to open up. But that wasn't really the issue. It's a need to know thing and I just don't see that she really needs to know.   Anyway, now she knows. And she wasn't judgmental or supportive. So there I go.   Their departure Friday morning was as awkward as their visit. On the Friday after Thanksgiving my Hubby and I have a tradition in the works where we make paninis out of all the leftovers. Super-mom and her clan all came back for this event and MIL and her husband knew of these plans and even had to be first in line. They got theirs put together first and promptly ate them while I was grilling the rest of the sandwiches. I had one sandwich left on the grill which was ready to come off but I needed my Hubby's plate (it was his panini) out of the microwave where everything else was being reheated. And MIL and husband had to leave right then. This panini grill I have is a cast iron thing so it's not like you turn the heat off and it stops cooking. I just needed to get that sandwich off the grill and I could walk out with everyone. But they couldn't wait for the five seconds left on the microwave.   I did get that sandwich onto the plate and onto the table and then scurried after them to see them off. And MIL's husband promptly told me - oh, don't let me keep you from your food.   GRRR!!! It wasn't about that! I DIDN'T WANT TO BURN THE FRIGGIN SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Get out of my house then, prick!   Ok, calm down, Lori. Sigh....   They got on the road to head off to, as MIL called it "The prestigious wedding".   And we got to get back to normal.   The rest of Friday was low key and easy. My Hubby had the guys over for a poker game that evening and I went to Super-mom's house to play games with her and her husband. It was a nice evening.   Speaking of games, the plan had always been to play games with everyone on Thanksgiving evening and everyone knew it. But while The Good Son was there he decided it was a waste of time - and so MIL and her husband refused to play as well. However, instead of telling us that, they let us continue to wait for them. And ultimately so much time passed that Super-mom's kids were tired and ready for bed.   I'm telling you, MIL has lost a lot of my respect.   I think what's worst about it is I know how my mom would have been - all this just makes me miss her that much more. She would have been chomping at the bit to get some time with everyone she doesn't get to see and she would have been amenable to the GROUP! She was such a group oriented person. She was so kind and sweet without being a pushover. She was funny and charismatic and she could be friends with EVERYONE, not just the chosen one! I have this standard in my head for a mom to behave like and up until now I thought MIL was somewhat close. But I can't and don't think that anymore and it's disappointing! It's VERY disappointing to end up finding out who you thought was a great MIL is really just an ordinary MIL.   I don't want to be one of those when I get there. I want to be a mom like I had. And I want to be a MIL that is open and receptive to EVERYONE in the family! My Hubby, bless his heart, is so used to this that all he can ever do when she does this stuff is say "That's my mother". He has literally given up caring. At least he can't get hurt if he doesn't care. But she is missing out on who he is soooo much. But now here I am joining him. Here I am saying I have to stop caring because I hate how all this felt. I can't continue to crawl out on the limb just to have her saw it off. And while this isn't the first time she's pulled her stunts, it's certainly the worst, in my book.   Part 4 coming shortly....
ldswims

ldswims

2
 

11/18/09: It's Wednesday!

I have next week off and I can't wait! Sleeping in, spending time with friends and family - oh...and THANKSGIVING!   So two more days this week. My husband thinks my counting is off. After all - it's Wednesday morning...and we have to work Thursday and Friday still. But I say - the wake up calls are what counts...and we only have two left - so we only have two days left until a blessed week off! :drool:   So what are we going to do, you ask?   Monday: our almost one and a half year old pool will finally get it's final inspection. We will also get our carpets cleaned and I head off to see a dermatologist because I have something forming on my leg that I don't like AT ALL. We will finish off the day with a football watching where a friend/neighbor will be making his homemade pretty darn good chicken wings and fried pickles. I hate the pickles - but the wings I can do. Come on back and visit, you ten pounds you... :thumbup:   Tuesday: our house gets cleaned. Grocery shopping for Thurs. Make a few loaves of bread for the stuffing, sourdough dinner rolls, pies...that kind of stuff. Maybe. It depends.   Wednesday: if I haven't done the baking yet, then I will on Wednesday. I will also pre-assemble some of the dishes.   I think the interesting thing for me is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE cooking and baking. To me - it's about that, not about the food that gets consumed afterwards. I know I will enjoy this endeavor even when I can only eat two bites of turkey and one bite of stuffing.   I know this because of how I am with baked goods. I LOVE to bake pies and cookies and cakes. I love to make candy. And then I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving it all away (which is mostly a Christmas thing). What I don't give away we keep in the freezer and my hubby eats far more of it than I ever do. I am very much not a sweets person. BUT I love to make it all!   And then it will be Thursday. Up at 6 am to get the stuffing started. Get the bird in the bbq by 8am. And then watch the rest of the day unfold. Depending on what I get done on Weds and what I have left to do on Thurs – I might get some time to watch some football.   Yes, I said bbq. I will be roasting the bird in the bbq this year to free up the oven for everything else. I am curious to see how it turns out...but I don't expect much difference.   So the MIL story. GRRR. :mad5:   If you have been following my blog you will know that I wrote up a fantastic rendition of loving the MIL because she’s so great. Yeah. NM.   I still love her. Don’t get me wrong. I do think I got very lucky on the MIL front. But she, unknowingly, squashed my husband and me last week.   I was so looking forward to sharing the cooking of the feast with her. I was so looking forward to spending some time with them both since they have been up in WI since April. We took the week off to spend with them – not to get the carpets cleaned.   GRRR. :rant:   Anywho, we get a call from them last Tues asking us to call them back. So once home and settled, we did. And here was the conversation we had:   MIL: So you remember the wedding I was playing the organ for on Sunday? Us: No MIL: I told you about that Us: No. MIL: I’m sure I did because I was going to have to leave on Saturday to be back in time for the rehearsal Us: No. You were going to leave late Sunday evening since you were going to miss the first part of the week with us for a dentist appoint. MIL: Oh. I’m sure I told you.   I interrupt this broadcast to say:   Back in September we were supposed to go to WI for a long weekend and to see their new place. At the last minute my employer decided I couldn’t have the approved vacation time off afterall. Given the current economic climate we decided the trip would wait as it was not worth risking my job. At that point, we said “well we will take the whole week of thanksgiving off so that we can spend the time with you.” And MIL and Step-FIL said “Great!”   In October we hear: well, we won’t get to your house until Wednesday evening. [MIL] has a dentist appt and she can’t reschedule it because then her teeth cleaning will be overdue.   We think: really? You can’t reschedule a teeth cleaning for a week or two later? Really?   Back to the story…   Us: No, Mom, you didn’t. MIL: Well, it gets worse. They have rescheduled their rehearsal. So instead of having it Saturday evening, they are going to have it Friday evening. Us: What? So you are going to come down late on Weds and have to leave early on Friday? MIL: Well. Not really. Us: Mom? MIL: the organist for my church does not want to play the service on Thanksgiving because she wants to be with her family and so I said I would.   Silence   MIL: So I’ll be coming down on Thursday after the service is over.   Silence   So here’s my thing. Ok. So I get to cook the feast by myself. This won’t be the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last. That’s ok. I have so many wonderful memories of cooking this feast with my mom and I want to keep it going. I definitely hope that someday in the future I have a daughter I can pass this onto.   But it’s leaving hubby and I with this question – why bother? It’s a four hour drive and they won’t even be getting on the road until around 11:00 AM.   They will arrive AFTER we serve dinner. And I’m not going to be the gracious hostess here and adjust eating time to accommodate a lack of thought. If this were just us and the in-laws I could see that but this is a group of people being asked to sit around and wait.   Furthermore, they’ve made it clear that the reason they are coming at all is to see the BIL and his wife. I understand wanting to see them. But, ironically, it’s not likely to happen.   BIL and his wife ALWAYS spend Thanksgiving with HER family. And they will again this year, too.   We started something last year we all proclaimed would be our tradition and that was to get together on Friday for a custom leftover Panini sandwich station. That was the plan again this year.   Anywho… :rant:   Love the family…that’s all you can do, eh? :biggrin:   Yay for only two days left!!! :cheers2:
ldswims

ldswims

1
 

11/07/09: I love the fall!

I live in Texas where we don't get a winter at all. With that said - we do have these cold fronts come throught that can leave the temperature barely climbing above 45. That is chilly - and it's fantastic.   I am the type of person that when it starts to get cold like that, I open the window and start fires in the fireplace while jumping for joy.:huh2:   So it's fall. We generally hover around the mid-high 70's and temps at night are wonderful for having the windows open. Still not fireplace weather - but it's coming. If we were to sit outside at night chatting with friends, however, we might light a chiminea. The scent of smoke wafting through the neighborhood always makes my heart jump for joy - "winter" is coming! :smile2:   Between the cooling weather and football - it's just such a wonderful time of year. My husband and I are addicted to football! This time of year, it's on at all hours of the day and night from Thurs-Mon. We save our household projects until January when football season is really just in championship mode and they games become few and far between.   Here in Texas, our leaves are starting to turn. Seems early to me this year. Not that our leaves rival New England - they don't even slightly - but they can still get quite colorful and it makes me look around in anticipation - what color will I see next? What tree will go stark first? (That's what I call the bare trees - not dormant, the proper term, but stark. Seems less scientific and is more like how I feel about them - stark = a blank canvas.)   As much as I love the fall, I love winter more. I lived in Chicago for a year while in the Navy and I loved the winter there. I grew up in California and they have less winter there than we do here in Texas, although we certainly did have cold days and nights. Finally, I lived in Hawaii for three years, also in the Navy - and they certainly do not have a winter there. :thumbup: I had a hard time with that there, actually. It's hard to appreciate the beauty of the islands all the time when the flowers are always blooming, for example. There were very subtle differences - night time temps would drop into the 60's, for example, and wave activity would increase. It still wasn't a winter, though.   One of the things I love about winter so much is the trees being blank canvases for what's next. That starkness I was talking about a moment ago. All these branches and limbs hanging around, sleeping, just waiting for the day when they can start afresh. It's refreshing to me - the starkness of winter. It means to me, that the world around me is in anticipation for what happens next. I love, mostly, the journey of seeing what will happen next. Sometimes the next thing is bad - and then I'm not so happy, but generally, good things are in store, I believe. And somehow, for me, winter is the mark between a good thing completed and the next new thing to come.   It doesn't hurt that it's so very cold at night and I can open the windows and sleep like a baby with no AC on. It doesn't hurt that I don't even have to have the windows open to have the fire in the fireplace as "winter" moves on.   With fall in full swing and the holidays lurking around the corner, I just woke up this morning with the thought - I am just so happy to be moving into this time of year!   Don't get me wrong - I miss the summer. I miss being able to jump in my pool on a daily basis and I will be quite happy when the weather gets back to hot hot hot because I love love love my swimming!   But this fall and the approaching "winter" have me thinking about what's in store. This time next year I hope to be banded. This time next year I hope to not have to be scared to exercise for fear that I will lose too much weight. This time next year I hope to be outside enjoying this wonderful weather quite simply because I will have lost enough weight that my feet will no longer kill me just for thinking of being on them. This time next year I hope that just like the trees losing their leaves - I will be moving into the next season of my life!
ldswims

ldswims

4
 

12/22/09: Such a long week

This week is such a weird week. I have to work today and tomorrow but I'm off Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the weekend (of course). So counting yesterday and now today - this seems to be the slowest going week on record.   While I'm at work.   On the other hand, once I get home - then time seems to pass by leaps and bounds.   I can't wait to not have to be at work. Tomorrow will be an early day and I'm coming in late so that I can take a friend to the airport.   And what does this have to do with the LapBand, you ask? You know me, I can tie it all back together. Because when time is slow then I'm sitting here thinking about how much time I have left on this gosh-darned "unweightloss" program. And when time is fast, I don't think about it (and I lose weight).   Unlike Thanksgiving - it's not just making it through the one week (this week, in this case). I have to make it through next week, too! And if I think this week is sllllooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww....next week will be even worse. NO ONE will be in the office. Projects will come to a standstill. Days will be spent on LapBandtalk.com and Facebook (playing games).   Ok, so it's not that bad. I will get to "pick waterbottoms" which is about like watching water boil. YAY! I love me a good water watchin' party!   Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I'm begging for March to JUST GET HERE ALREADY!
ldswims

ldswims

1
 

11/30/09: Back to work...part 4

So Friday ended up being good. Saturday we slept quite late and got Christmas out of the attic. We got our lights up around the front yard AND the back yard. Our backyard backs up to a "lake" that has a walking path around it so all of the houses on that "lake" put icycle lights on the rod iron fences we all have. And in our yard, we also have our roof outlined with lights like we have in the front yard. It really pops to me and while this is my fourth Christmas in this house, it's the first time my husband has seen it. He did not want to do it the first two years we were together and so they didn't get up. But this year I insisted. I think he thought it was more involved that it is and now that he sees the lights and sees the effort was actually easier than the front yard, he's with me in getting them up every year. This is the first year all the lights have been up in the backyard with the pool in, too, and the way everything is reflecting off of the pool is just gorgeous!   Saturday evening we went back to Super-mom's house for another game night, this time together. And we had fun, together, as we always do.   And then Sunday was a pure lazy day! It was nice. My FIL stopped in for awhile and we had a nice visit. He is a real estate broker and is helping one of our neighbors (and friends) sell their home as they are relocating to Iowa. We've been getting to see a lot of him as he is coming and going from their house.   It's pretty sad, I think, but I was so wrong about the MIL and the FIL. I thought the MIL was awesome and the FIL was an arrogant prick. Turns out the MIL is not awesome. And the FIL is not an arrogant prick, but actually is a nice guy full of funny stories. That's what I get, eh?   And now it's back to work.   Bleck.
ldswims

ldswims

3
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

Bariatric Forums

For Patients

Health Professionals

Search Surgeons

Bariatric Surgeons: Want to research a weight loss surgery surgeon? Enter their last name below to start!

×