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My Journey

A blog by Veggestyle

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8-14-06 Beware of the Motility Test!

Today I went to the hospital to have my two, mandatory, pre-op tests done : the motility test and the esophagram. I would recommend to anyone to read up on both of these tests if you need to have them done in order to prepare yourself, especially the motility. However, I also want to send encouragment and say that you will survive it, you will get through it. I had these tests done this morning and I am already feeling just fine and it is already becoming just a memory instead of the difficult experience at the time. Whenver I know something in life is going to be very difficult, I tell myself soon this will be just a memory... The motility test is done in order to check the strength of your esophagous and make sure that it is properly functioning. Well that is important, especially for this surgery, but in order to do that...they need to stick a thick tube down your nose, past your throat and into your esophagous (i must spell that word different each time!). I was very very freaked out about this...luckily my very supportive boyfriend was with me and everyone at the hospital has been so kind and patient. My best advice for you while going through this test is to relax. I wouldnt say that it is terribly painful, but just very very uncomfortable. While you have the tube down your nose, you have to swallow small sips of water so they can check the function of the esophagous, which causes quite an uncomfortable feeling with that tube down your nose. The worse part was when they first inserted it and I kept gagging, but soon my body got used to the foreign object and my system called down, now remember, as long as I calmed down. The test took about 20 mins. and then it was all over. The doctor gave me a numbing nose gel and spray which helped, but I felt a stinging pain in my nose for a few hours afterward, but nothing unbearable. Whew...I am glad to have that all over with! I have my nutrionist and psych. appts set up and everything is going smoothly so far! :laser:

August 14, 2006

1

The beginning 7-20-06

I finally admitted to myself that I need to take a drastic measure...dieting, pills, exercising, even...vomiting, restricting eating...does not work for me. :faint: I am not sure how I have managed this...but I have been lying to myself about my health, my weight, my looks. I would think to myself...it isnt that bad...but I knew deep down what was really going on... I need help. I need help to overcome my weight physically and emotionally. I have seen the commercials for lapband, even talked to a few friends about it, and sigh* even have had a coworker suggest it for me... I am teacher and so I have the summer off...the summer off to better myself? exercise? Or sit around and think...mostly negative thoughts and then one day I had a good though, why dont I call up L.A. weightloss? Yeah...that didnt work for me either...I did give it an honest try, but to no avail. :phanvan I am scared. I am scared of my negative thoughts, of failing, of people not being supportive, of surgery, of failing... I need to make a change, I need to be healthy, and happier. And so I began my weightloss journy through surgery a few weeks ago. I signed up to receive a packet of info. about WLS, specifically the lapband, and then entered all of my "patient" info. on their internet database. Some of the questions they wanted answers too...such as why do you eat? have you been in an abusive relationship? what are you worried about? are too difficult to answer in a text box. I strugged through it, even shed a few tears, but I made it. I have now signed up for the mandatory seminar about the lapband that is given by the surgeon, and will begin to make the numerous appointments with the numerous specialists. I hope that me detailing my journey helps those who read it as much as you all here have helped me, without even knowing me...Thank you.

July 20, 2006

2

10-28-06 Going Out!

Tonight my boyfriend Joe and I are going out to eat at the Olive Garden tonight. I really am not struggling too much with "last supper" urges, but there are a few places I want to eat out at before I begin the liquid diet in about 10 days. I am really looking forward to when I can't overdo it, but it will also be difficult to give up eating comfortably. However, I am more than willing to make that change. I have already given up a lot in order to really prepare myself, especially with all of the chocolate around b/c of Halloween. :nervous

October 28, 2006

1

10-9-06 A Surgery Date in the near Future?

I have finally jumped through all of the hoops that the insurance company has placed before me...I am approved for surgery and will be confirming a surgery date in the next few days! I have my final consultation with the surgeon and my pre-op lab work coming up in the next week. I can hardly believe that i have come this far. I have been having very realistic dreams of what it will feel like to have the band inside me and what it will be like to live with the band and be around others. I really hope this is the right decision for me. I really dont have my entire family's support and that makes me nervous. Today my mom said to me "why cant you just diet...you know you are going to be in pain..." and so on...:straight Wish me luck!

October 10, 2006

3

9-4-06 Analyze me

Hello! I haven't had a chance to update my journal until now because I am back to teaching! I teach 8th grade literature and I love teaching! Well, I have had two more tests since I last wrote. One was really a hoop to jump through, while the other was the "MMPI" psych test. I was required to meet with a pyschologist and have a general psychological exam done which I was very worried about. Honestly, I do not really trust the person "analyzing" me, I feel that they tend to look too much into things, which I found out to be true during the exam. I had to fill out about 5-7 pages of "mental and medical" history which the psychologist began asking me questions about since we have never met. He looked into the fact that I was a good student and overanalyzed that! Well, the session went ok, the psychologist was a very patient, soft-spoken middle aged man who asked me a lot of questions about everything, family life, eating habits, boyfriends, drug use etc etc etc. Unfortunately, my history of depression and anxiety and an abusive boyfriend from the past I think landed me into having to take the MMPI. This test is meant to look for further personality disorders and other mental disorders. I know that I have generalized anxiety disorder already, and I hope that he doesnt find anything else! The test had a true or false format and there were nearly 600 questions!!! The questions ranged from do you love/hate you father to are there voice in your head that control your actions? The test took me about 1 and half hours and some questions were difficult to tackle both on an emotional and mental level. I now need to make an appt. with the psychologist to review the results and then talk about the report he will write up for me to send to my bariatric coordinator. He gave me the option of reviewing the report before he sent it or not. He told me that most bariatric patients pass up reviewing it, i wonder why.... I will let you all know how it goes! Take care. :croc:

September 4, 2006

1

7-27-06 Through the food court

Yesterday, I attended the mandatory seminar about WLS at the hospital I will have my surgery at. The seminar was rather uneventful and was two hours long! Thanks to this board and other literature, I already knew most of what was presented! However, the interesting part of the seminar is actually where it was located! Now call this irony, but they had us "heard" through the hospital's cafeteria to the meeting room! What is this a sick joke? ha ha, I doubt it, but I found the placement of the meeting rather humurous.

July 27, 2006

1

Why didn't I realize?

I was sharing old photos with my boyfriend today...We sat down to look at pictures from when I lived in Germany from about seven years ago. I was about 15/16 at that time. When I sat with him to share the photos I simply thought that I was sharing with him the sights that I saw while I was in Germany, I got more than that....I saw how I looked back then and it hurt...it hurt because I thought that I was so FAT :mad: back then. I was so hard on myself, and thought that I was so f***n ugly and fat...at about 150 pounds...I also suffered from bulemia. I would be so exstatic to be that weight again...now at 270m lbs. I really wish that I had realized...

July 21, 2006

2

10-5-06 Yeah journals are back!!!

I am so happy that the journal function is up and running again! For about the past month I have been playing the insurance "battle." I found out today that I have been approved for the surgery! My next step now is to make the final appt. with the surgeon. I am excited, nervous...I have dreams about what it feels like to have the band inside me. A lady that I work with had the surgery back in May and she actually let me feel her port. To be honest, I was kind of freaked out by how "well" I could feel it...But she looks great, already has lost nearly 60 lbs. Well...moving on..update soon!

October 6, 2006

1

11-9-06 And so it begins...

Tomorrow I begin "The Liquid Diet." Over the last week I have been trying to enjoy food, not gorging myself or going crazy, but having at least one meal that I really enjoy. I have been religiously continuing my "practice" liquid diet and have managed to keep off 6lbs. which you can hardly tell...not too surprised when I have 150 more to lose! My boyfriend Joe works late tonight and wont be home until 11, but we are ordering out at our favorite pizza place, Papa Johns and that will be my last meal pre-band. I also had a chance to go out to eat tonight with my sister at Panera and then a sundae at Culvers! :hungry: But really and honestly, I am looking forward to changing my lifestyle, I am just really scared about the surgery and having a foregin object installed in my body...and today my mom said to me " well you know you dont have to do it..." :tired Yeah and I also wish that I woke up tomorrow being 150 lbs, but that aint gonna happen on its own! Well, wish me luck with my liquid diet, I am going to need it! :nervous

November 10, 2006

1

10-27-06 The Beginnings

After about a week and a half of preparing for the liquid diet, I have successfully lost about three lbs. consistently for the past few days. One of the reasons why I really hate the scale is that it seems to change its mind throughout the day! That is why I think it is important to wait until the lbs lost is consistent before claiming actual weight loss! :drum:

October 27, 2006

1

11-16-06

I am soooo happy that it is near the weekend! This has been such an exhausting week. I have done 7 days of the liquid diet successfully and am happy with the weight loss, we also had parent teacher conferences this week and that has been grueling. I also started to aquire a sinus headache which really freakd me out today. I was getting all upset that I may not be able to have my surgery on Monday as scheduled, especially since I have made many special arrangements to have the date work out. My surgeon actually prescribed me an antibiotic just to stop anything from starting up more. I am taking the five day Z-pac and Claratin D, I really hope this all helps! I have really really mentally prepared myself for this surgery and I truly hope that it goes on as scheduled.

November 17, 2006

1

11-14-06 There is Food Everywhere!!!

I am now on my fifth day of the liquid diet and besides a small dorrito incident on sun. I have been totally cheat free!!! I work at a school and in our personal office and the lounge there are always sweets. Lately there have been krispy kremes, cookies, home made cookies, oh my!!! And I have been able to avoid all of it! I just look the other way and start drinking something!!! Whew!!! :biggrin1:

November 14, 2006

1

"Traditional" Before Pix coming soon

Here is a picture that was taken of me at the "Torrid" Model Search! I had a lot of fun!!!

November 12, 2006

4

11-10-06 Measurements

The numbers below really got to me...I measured my hips, bust, stomach, thigh and upper arm, and those numbers really depressed me, even more than my weight does...Well, I am working hard to lower than and onto a happier, healthier me! Here they are: Bust- 52 inches Waist- 50 inches Hips- 55 1/2 inches Thigh - 31 inches Upper Arm- 17 1/2 inches Well at least my bust is wider than my waist...i guess that is something...

November 11, 2006

1

11-12-06 Day Three

I want Dorritos really really bad...at tacos, pizza, bread sticks, pickles, popcorn...the list goes on....Time for my protein shake. I am praying that I dont give in to just one teeny weeny dorrito......so far i have been absolutely cheat free!

November 12, 2006

1

Post Op Check Up--One Week

Well, I went on Tuesday for my one week check up and everything is look great! The surgeon took all of the bandages off which hurt at first, but truly was a relief! I am really really surprised at how tiny the port incision is. The doc. stitched me up real good I guess! So everything is going well, I am feeling pretty good, I just cant wait to be over with this liquid diet!!! Even though I'll probably start gaining some weight back as soon as I begin eating food again, especially since I am not working out...which I really really need to start doing...:nervous My parents are actually going to give me their treadmill that they do not use anymore and so I will have that to work out on!!! I just need to make the room for it!

November 30, 2006

1

10-24-06 Oh dear

What a week so far...I am exhausted...emotionally mostly. I am going out with my boyfriend tonight and I am really looking forward to it! He recently started going to HVAC school and I dont see him too often now.

October 24, 2006

1

10-23-06

Friday I had my final visit with my surgeon, Dr. M, before the actual surgery, which is soon approaching! Today I go for my "final" pre-op bloods, EKG, bloodtest and chest X-ray. I also got a flu shot today for the first time, and it really was not that bad! It is going to be a hectic afternoon, but I truly know it will all be worth it in the end! I hope that everyone out there is happy and feeling successful in one way or another! :high5: :whoo:

October 23, 2006

1

10-18-06 Practicing the Liquid Diet

I have begun to practice the liquid diet. I already know that it is going to be very very difficult and I want to start preparing myself in hopes that it wont be such a horrible shock to my body (even though it will be good for it!) I have begun replacing one meal with a Target version of slimfast and be very very watchful of what I do eat b/c that is what I am going to always have to do. I just weighed myself yesterday and I weigh about 273 depending on the time of day, and I took this weight in the morning, which I have heard is the best time to do so. Tomorrow I am going with my boyfriend for the the final consultation with the surgeon. I am looking forward to having my boyfriend, Joe, be able to meet the surgeon. Wish me luck! :peace:

October 19, 2006

1

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