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My Journey

A blog by Veggestyle

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10-28-06 Going Out!

Tonight my boyfriend Joe and I are going out to eat at the Olive Garden tonight. I really am not struggling too much with "last supper" urges, but there are a few places I want to eat out at before I begin the liquid diet in about 10 days. I am really looking forward to when I can't overdo it, but it will also be difficult to give up eating comfortably. However, I am more than willing to make that change. I have already given up a lot in order to really prepare myself, especially with all of the chocolate around b/c of Halloween. :nervous

October 28, 2006

1

10-27-06 The Beginnings

After about a week and a half of preparing for the liquid diet, I have successfully lost about three lbs. consistently for the past few days. One of the reasons why I really hate the scale is that it seems to change its mind throughout the day! That is why I think it is important to wait until the lbs lost is consistent before claiming actual weight loss! :drum:

October 27, 2006

1

10-24-06 Oh dear

What a week so far...I am exhausted...emotionally mostly. I am going out with my boyfriend tonight and I am really looking forward to it! He recently started going to HVAC school and I dont see him too often now.

October 24, 2006

1

10-23-06

Friday I had my final visit with my surgeon, Dr. M, before the actual surgery, which is soon approaching! Today I go for my "final" pre-op bloods, EKG, bloodtest and chest X-ray. I also got a flu shot today for the first time, and it really was not that bad! It is going to be a hectic afternoon, but I truly know it will all be worth it in the end! I hope that everyone out there is happy and feeling successful in one way or another! :high5: :whoo:

October 23, 2006

1

10-18-06 Practicing the Liquid Diet

I have begun to practice the liquid diet. I already know that it is going to be very very difficult and I want to start preparing myself in hopes that it wont be such a horrible shock to my body (even though it will be good for it!) I have begun replacing one meal with a Target version of slimfast and be very very watchful of what I do eat b/c that is what I am going to always have to do. I just weighed myself yesterday and I weigh about 273 depending on the time of day, and I took this weight in the morning, which I have heard is the best time to do so. Tomorrow I am going with my boyfriend for the the final consultation with the surgeon. I am looking forward to having my boyfriend, Joe, be able to meet the surgeon. Wish me luck! :peace:

October 19, 2006

1

10-12-06 Surgery Date

As of now, my surgery is scheduled for November 20th, the Monday before Thanksgiving. I really hope that the surgeon can stick with this date b/c it will really really work out well with my and my boyfriend's school and work schedule. I find it hard to believe that it is just over a month away...I have done so much work to get to this point and now I am facing the 10 day liquid diet... I am not sure what I am actually feeling at this point...when I think about it, for the most part I am excited and anxious...honestly I think that I am trying to bury any other negative thoughts at this time b/c it would be so easy to get scared. I am changing my life and that is such a wonderful, yet nervewracking process to go through. I feel that few people in my life actually understand...in ways I think they are nervous too about me being different, I have been overweight my entire life and I do belive that it has helped define (or limit) who I am today...

October 13, 2006

1

10-9-06 A Surgery Date in the near Future?

I have finally jumped through all of the hoops that the insurance company has placed before me...I am approved for surgery and will be confirming a surgery date in the next few days! I have my final consultation with the surgeon and my pre-op lab work coming up in the next week. I can hardly believe that i have come this far. I have been having very realistic dreams of what it will feel like to have the band inside me and what it will be like to live with the band and be around others. I really hope this is the right decision for me. I really dont have my entire family's support and that makes me nervous. Today my mom said to me "why cant you just diet...you know you are going to be in pain..." and so on...:straight Wish me luck!

October 10, 2006

3

10-5-06 Yeah journals are back!!!

I am so happy that the journal function is up and running again! For about the past month I have been playing the insurance "battle." I found out today that I have been approved for the surgery! My next step now is to make the final appt. with the surgeon. I am excited, nervous...I have dreams about what it feels like to have the band inside me. A lady that I work with had the surgery back in May and she actually let me feel her port. To be honest, I was kind of freaked out by how "well" I could feel it...But she looks great, already has lost nearly 60 lbs. Well...moving on..update soon!

October 6, 2006

1

9-4-06 Analyze me

Hello! I haven't had a chance to update my journal until now because I am back to teaching! I teach 8th grade literature and I love teaching! Well, I have had two more tests since I last wrote. One was really a hoop to jump through, while the other was the "MMPI" psych test. I was required to meet with a pyschologist and have a general psychological exam done which I was very worried about. Honestly, I do not really trust the person "analyzing" me, I feel that they tend to look too much into things, which I found out to be true during the exam. I had to fill out about 5-7 pages of "mental and medical" history which the psychologist began asking me questions about since we have never met. He looked into the fact that I was a good student and overanalyzed that! Well, the session went ok, the psychologist was a very patient, soft-spoken middle aged man who asked me a lot of questions about everything, family life, eating habits, boyfriends, drug use etc etc etc. Unfortunately, my history of depression and anxiety and an abusive boyfriend from the past I think landed me into having to take the MMPI. This test is meant to look for further personality disorders and other mental disorders. I know that I have generalized anxiety disorder already, and I hope that he doesnt find anything else! The test had a true or false format and there were nearly 600 questions!!! The questions ranged from do you love/hate you father to are there voice in your head that control your actions? The test took me about 1 and half hours and some questions were difficult to tackle both on an emotional and mental level. I now need to make an appt. with the psychologist to review the results and then talk about the report he will write up for me to send to my bariatric coordinator. He gave me the option of reviewing the report before he sent it or not. He told me that most bariatric patients pass up reviewing it, i wonder why.... I will let you all know how it goes! Take care. :croc:

September 4, 2006

1

8-25-06 Oh Happy Day

I just received an official letter from my insurance company that my surgery will be approved for payment!!!! Now, this is not entirely the last word b/c I do still have one more test to go through--the psych test. However, the letter states that after I have been approved for the surgery by the professionals invovled, they will approve the payment of the surgery! Yay!!! I know that the insurance aspect of banding is usually the toughest, and I feel so fortunate to have been approved. I suppose that all of the stressors of being a teacher pay off in the great insurance that I get. Thank you thank you thank you! :whoo:

August 25, 2006

4

8-23-06 Test Progress

Since I have last updated my journal, I have been diagnosed with a "very small" hiatal hernia, and I have also visited with the bariatric nutrionist. On Monday, I have my psychological evaluation, which I am very very nervous about. :straight I have educated myself about the hiatal hernia, but still am not totally sure what it is, where it comes from and how it will affect me. I suppose it is difficult for the surgeon to tell until he is actually operating... Unfortunately, the bariatric nurse did not know much about the hernia, which I was rather surprised and discouraged about. I hope that the hernia does not cause any problems with the surgery. The surgeon said that he fixes any hiatal hernias that he finds while in surgery, so I suppose that is two surgeries now...:cry

August 24, 2006

3

8-14-06 Beware of the Motility Test!

Today I went to the hospital to have my two, mandatory, pre-op tests done : the motility test and the esophagram. I would recommend to anyone to read up on both of these tests if you need to have them done in order to prepare yourself, especially the motility. However, I also want to send encouragment and say that you will survive it, you will get through it. I had these tests done this morning and I am already feeling just fine and it is already becoming just a memory instead of the difficult experience at the time. Whenver I know something in life is going to be very difficult, I tell myself soon this will be just a memory... The motility test is done in order to check the strength of your esophagous and make sure that it is properly functioning. Well that is important, especially for this surgery, but in order to do that...they need to stick a thick tube down your nose, past your throat and into your esophagous (i must spell that word different each time!). I was very very freaked out about this...luckily my very supportive boyfriend was with me and everyone at the hospital has been so kind and patient. My best advice for you while going through this test is to relax. I wouldnt say that it is terribly painful, but just very very uncomfortable. While you have the tube down your nose, you have to swallow small sips of water so they can check the function of the esophagous, which causes quite an uncomfortable feeling with that tube down your nose. The worse part was when they first inserted it and I kept gagging, but soon my body got used to the foreign object and my system called down, now remember, as long as I calmed down. The test took about 20 mins. and then it was all over. The doctor gave me a numbing nose gel and spray which helped, but I felt a stinging pain in my nose for a few hours afterward, but nothing unbearable. Whew...I am glad to have that all over with! I have my nutrionist and psych. appts set up and everything is going smoothly so far! :laser:

August 14, 2006

1

8-10-06 Great experience with surgeon

:dance: Yesterday I had a really great experience at my pre-op consultation with the surgeon, and I was even paid a compliment. I really like how confident and excited the surgeon, Dr. M, is about this procedure and how happy he has been with the results from his patients. He seemed proud of me for making this decision at a young age, hoping to turn my life around, and making healthier decisions. He was even surprised by how much I weigh and said "you carry your weight really well." I do look overweight, but the numbers are surprising... Even so, it is there, wearing and tearing on my body. I feel really confident about Dr. M doing the surgery even though he has only performed 35 lapbands, and has only been doing the procedure for 11 months. He explained that at first he was reluctant to get on board for the surgery, but after educating himself more and going to more seminars he felt confident in adding it to the WLS surgeries he performs. He was really open, honest, patient and let me ask as many questions as I needed to. I was surprised at how easy I found it to talk with him about this very personal decision. I even was bold enough to ask him how my breasts would look after the surgery and were I may need plastic surgery. He even brought a band with him to show it to me and exactly where it would be placed on my body. I was nervous about meeting the surgeon on my own, but it all went really well, and I feel even more confident about this decision. On Monday I am scheduled to have the motility test and esophagram at the hospital. Thankfully the surgeon's nurse was able to pull a few strings and get me in, since I will begin teaching on the 23rd, not too much time left! :rolleyes

August 10, 2006

5

8-9-06 An eventful day

Today I went to the hospital to have blood drawn. My PCP wants to check my thyroid, blood suger and cholesterol levels. Everyone was super nice there and made me feel really comfortable. As I was walking down the maze of the hospital I happened to get a glimpse of the surgeon who would be doing the surgery. I only saw him for a few seconds but he looked kind and gentle. He had smiling eyes and was casually talking to a co-worker. Right after I had my blood drawn, I went to get the oil in my car changed. My phone unexpectedly range and it was the surgeon's nurse. She told me that they had a cancellation and I would be able to see the surgeon today for my pre-op consult! eek! I took the opportunity as I will be beginning to teach in a few weeks and will have very limited time for all of these appts.! I was not originally supposed to see him until Aug. 21st!!! Wish me luck, I will be leaving in just a bit, armed with quite a list of ?s from the board! Thank you!

August 9, 2006

6

Long nights 8-2-06

Lately, I am having trouble sleeping. I fall asleep easily and then around 1 or 2 am, I am wide awake and usually dont feel that well. I wouldnt call myself a worry wort, instead I think I internalize what I worry about and then it "gets" me in ways like this. :cry I am worried about going back to teaching in a few weeks. I have been trying my damndest to find a new job, but to no avail so far. I had an interview a few days ago that went really really well, but with no luck... I am worried about keeping on top of my bills, I am a recent homeowner and am still getting the hang of it all. I am worried about making this life changing decision to have the band. To be or not to be banded? I have called to make the appt. for the consult with the surgeon three times...and have hung up three times as well...oh dear

August 2, 2006

4

7-27-06 Through the food court

Yesterday, I attended the mandatory seminar about WLS at the hospital I will have my surgery at. The seminar was rather uneventful and was two hours long! Thanks to this board and other literature, I already knew most of what was presented! However, the interesting part of the seminar is actually where it was located! Now call this irony, but they had us "heard" through the hospital's cafeteria to the meeting room! What is this a sick joke? ha ha, I doubt it, but I found the placement of the meeting rather humurous.

July 27, 2006

1

What does my doctor think?

Yesterday I called my general doctor of whom I have been seeing for about 10 years now. She was kind enough to speak with me over the phone about me considering the lapband. Unfortunately, she has not had ONE patient that has had the procedure. The receptionist that I left the message with had never even heard of it before! Must be nice not to have to worry about WLS and be oblivious to what it is...:mad: My doctor understood my feelings about being overweight at my age and getting ready to have babies in a few years and wanting to be at a healthy weight. However, I found it very interesting what she said to me..."I would hate to see someone so young go through something so drastic." Aren't doctors usually all about you losing weight and being at that right height/weight that their little charts show? She actually wants me to see an endocronologist before further considering the lapband. My sister just won a battle with thyroid cancer :clap2: and she is only 29! The doctor wants to make sure that everything there is ok and that nothing with my glands is causing this weight problem...i kind of doubt that, but we will see...:straight

July 25, 2006

2

Why didn't I realize?

I was sharing old photos with my boyfriend today...We sat down to look at pictures from when I lived in Germany from about seven years ago. I was about 15/16 at that time. When I sat with him to share the photos I simply thought that I was sharing with him the sights that I saw while I was in Germany, I got more than that....I saw how I looked back then and it hurt...it hurt because I thought that I was so FAT :mad: back then. I was so hard on myself, and thought that I was so f***n ugly and fat...at about 150 pounds...I also suffered from bulemia. I would be so exstatic to be that weight again...now at 270m lbs. I really wish that I had realized...

July 21, 2006

2

The beginning 7-20-06

I finally admitted to myself that I need to take a drastic measure...dieting, pills, exercising, even...vomiting, restricting eating...does not work for me. :faint: I am not sure how I have managed this...but I have been lying to myself about my health, my weight, my looks. I would think to myself...it isnt that bad...but I knew deep down what was really going on... I need help. I need help to overcome my weight physically and emotionally. I have seen the commercials for lapband, even talked to a few friends about it, and sigh* even have had a coworker suggest it for me... I am teacher and so I have the summer off...the summer off to better myself? exercise? Or sit around and think...mostly negative thoughts and then one day I had a good though, why dont I call up L.A. weightloss? Yeah...that didnt work for me either...I did give it an honest try, but to no avail. :phanvan I am scared. I am scared of my negative thoughts, of failing, of people not being supportive, of surgery, of failing... I need to make a change, I need to be healthy, and happier. And so I began my weightloss journy through surgery a few weeks ago. I signed up to receive a packet of info. about WLS, specifically the lapband, and then entered all of my "patient" info. on their internet database. Some of the questions they wanted answers too...such as why do you eat? have you been in an abusive relationship? what are you worried about? are too difficult to answer in a text box. I strugged through it, even shed a few tears, but I made it. I have now signed up for the mandatory seminar about the lapband that is given by the surgeon, and will begin to make the numerous appointments with the numerous specialists. I hope that me detailing my journey helps those who read it as much as you all here have helped me, without even knowing me...Thank you.

July 20, 2006

2

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