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My Journey

A blog by Veggestyle

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A Baby is on the Way!!!

I have not written in quite some time-I think about two years to be exact-alot has changed in my life is WLS-luckily including my weight-I began my WL journey at around 280 lbs and prior to getting pregnant I was about 180lbs! I have much in my life to be happy about-especially that I am just about 6 months pregnant (will be officially tomorrow) with my first baby. My husband and I are expecting our baby girl on Thanksgiving-which is interesting b/c about three Thanksgivings ago I just went through lap band surgery. I am so happy that I am in a loving, supportive marriage-my husband and I both have jobs in this difficult economy-and I am lucky to have a job I enjoy. Even with a variety of aspects in my life to be happy about I suffer from bouts of severe depression and anxiety which I have been struggling with and I am currently not on any medication-trying to stay that way during the pregnancy, but it is becoming increasingly difficult.

August 5, 2009

1

Tipping the Scales

Well ever since my last fill I have lost about 5-7 lbs in just over two weeks. This last fill really has me tight and ready to lose weight! I have had some difficulties with keeping food down and truly watching my bite sizes, but I am really starting to get it down (no pun intended!). I am happy with the weight loss and feel hungry much less which is wonderful! I am really on the road to further weight loss and I am sooo happy about that! I have given up a lot of the foods that I used to love that I just cannot eat anymore, such as pizza, bread sticks, french fries, sandwhiches.....but that is ok, I feel good and I am even starting to look good dare I say!!

February 21, 2007

3

Second Fill

I am going in for my second fill tomorrow morning! It is definitely time. I still have some restriction, but very very little. I have been recently noticing that as my restriction becomes less and less, I become more careless with what and how much I eat. I really need to kick it up! Of coarse I am happy with the 25 lbs I have lost, but I really have been at a "stand still" for a while. I know that I need to integrate excerise into my life to help lose the weight. I have been waiting for a hand me down treadmill to be fixed, but it is looking like it is going to take a long time for the repair. I was thinking of joining Cardinal Fitness in the mean time that only charges $20 per month and they have monthly memberships. I really need to get a movin! I need some inspiration!!!:confused:

February 8, 2007

1

Wedding Bells

I recently realized that I never made a post on my journal here that I am getting married! Back in the beginning of December by boyfriend of nearly two years proposed to me at a Christmas, German Market in downtown Chicago! We currently live together and are so happy, and we are definitely "the ones" for eachother. Also, Joe has been sooo supportive during my band journey with me. I love him so much! Now I just need to get this weight moving more. I am excited about looking for wedding dresses (which I havent done yet), but I am a little unsure how to handle it b/c of the weightloss process I am in! We are getting married on December 14, 2007! wish me luck!!!

January 23, 2007

1

First Fill

I am very excited! I am getting my first fill on January 5th, 2007! I am really interested to see how it goes and how it affects my weightloss, so far I have been at a stand still for about three weeks now!

December 14, 2006

1

A Bit Better

Yesterday was a lot better when I got home. I ate a healthy snack of no added sugar apple sauce, instead of handfuls of potato chips. I felt a lot better about myself. I still had too many pita chips with hummus in my opinion, but I still made an improvement. Everyone has said how this a really difficult stage, when you can start eating, but have very little restriction after the swelling has gone done and before your first fill. Well, it is very difficult...but I know that it is only temporary. Hopefully, I can do even better today! :nervous

December 6, 2006

1

First PB and Potato Chips...

Well...I had my first PB and it was just as awful as everyone has described it to be... :think However, I am glad that I had that knowledge so I was prepared for what it would be like... It all happened after I came home from work yesterday and I was just starving. My plan was to have a snack of hummus and pita chips, and I am always so careful, but I think that my hunger got the best of me and I must have been eating too fast, and too big of bites. I felt the food get stuck in my lower esophogus, it felt like my esophogus was "filled" and I knew that the food was going to come up, but it was stuck and that is what was so terrible. My eyes starting tearing, I felt like I could hardly breath (even though I really could out of my nose) and I panicked. I was all alone and I calmed myself down. In just a few minutes the food came up and all was well. So...chew chew chew, slowly slowly slowly.... Along with feeling bad for not being careful enough and having my first PB, I am having an issue with potato chips.... Um...yeah...my boyfriend loves potato chips, Dorritos, Sour Cream and Onion, Cheese and Sour Cream, etc, etc etc....well, and I really like them too and for sooo long they have been in the house and I have not touched them...They have been "calling" me from the kitchen cabinet and I ate and ate and ate....they went down so well and tasted sooo good and I felt sooooo terrible... :cry I cannot even bring myself to tell my boyfriend about it, not that I need to, but I usually confide in him and I am too ashamed too. I suppose that I can ask Joe to take them out of the house and he would with no problem...but why should that be necessary??? I should just be able to not give in. Well, this has happenend two days in a row now and after it happens I feel so full on the few handfuls of chips that I have that I cannot fit anything else. Therefore, I dont eat the nutritional food that I had planned on eating....it is so embarassing...:paranoid I had this surgery, have gone through so much...and now I am doing this...I really cant believe it...:angry I am so disapointed in myself:(

December 5, 2006

3

Feeling Down

I had a snow day today...so I didnt have to go into work and it is Friday, but why I am feeling so so down? I think that not being able to resort to my old eating habits is really starting to "crack" me. I feel very down and sort of lost... it is actually really pathetic...why has food meant this much to me? WTF!!! Since my boyfriend and I and all of my good neighbor friends had a snow day we all hung out together...again...something I really like to do and people I love to spend time with...so why am I feeling so down?? Well they were all drinking and eating yummy snacks, which I can not do...sometimes I hate this band that restricts me, I hate the fact that I put my body through this and I cannot do what I want even though it is unhealthy. I get so mad...I feel like no one around me understands, they dont understand the pain...

December 2, 2006

2

Post Op Check Up--One Week

Well, I went on Tuesday for my one week check up and everything is look great! The surgeon took all of the bandages off which hurt at first, but truly was a relief! I am really really surprised at how tiny the port incision is. The doc. stitched me up real good I guess! So everything is going well, I am feeling pretty good, I just cant wait to be over with this liquid diet!!! Even though I'll probably start gaining some weight back as soon as I begin eating food again, especially since I am not working out...which I really really need to start doing...:nervous My parents are actually going to give me their treadmill that they do not use anymore and so I will have that to work out on!!! I just need to make the room for it!

November 30, 2006

1

Hyper! And Happiness!

Hello All! I am feeling quite odd right now. For the past few days I have felt in a hazey hazey daze, which makes me feel like I am walking in a fog, and also like my vision is blurry. This is really irritating to me! Luckily it hasnt kept me down in spirits or otherwise! Today my mom and I went Black Friday shopping for a few hours and I was able to hold up for that long, I was happy and proud. I even got to go to Starbucks with her and they made me a special drink (well I suppose not special for me, but to me!) that was low in sugar, cals, carbs and fat. I was so excited to be able to actually "eat" something out, I havent in weeks!!! So even though I am in this hindering fog, I am now hyped up on caffeine (which I normally dont have) it is a very odd combo. I have officially lost 20lbs and I feel very proud of that. I dont think the weightloss is too obvious, but you can tell it a bit in my face and upper stomach. Well, I also measured myself today and I have lost three inches around my waist and 1/2 an inch around my upper arm, yay!!! Its working, I am finally not failing....not that I really can that much, but it is still so amazing to see! I am planning on going back to work on Monday. I have to admit that I am rather nervous about this. I am a teacher so my job is pretty active with bending over, sitting, standing, walking, reaching, even lifting...I hope that all goes well with this and if for some reason I am starting to feel pretty terrible I live an hour away from my work....I am determined to go in on Monday but if it does not go successfully Ill have no regrets about taking off Tuesday just to rest a bit. Well now after X-mas shopping with my mom (it is a tradition for her and I to go shopping on Black Friday and I am SOO happy that I didnt have to miss it this year) I am totally in the holiday mood! My BF and I are going to go look for our first Christmas tree together!!! Take Care!!!

November 24, 2006

2

Healing

Well today is Thanksgving, and it will be a very different thanksgiving for me since I wont be able to eat anything.

November 23, 2006

2

Today is the Day

Right now it is 4:30 am and I am just starting to get sleepy after being up for awhile. I woke a bit before three and had trouble relaxing and sleeping. I need to be at the hopsital at 6am and my surgery is scheduled for 7:30am. I really want to just get in, get through it, so I can start healing and getting on to a new life. All of this anticpation for the surgery has been so difficult. I have been working so hard for this and I am determined to succeed at this, but of coarse I have my doubts, mostly about the surgery, I really have faith in myself that i can use this tool well. At least, I truly, truly hope so. Well my mouth is extremely dry from the nausea preventing patch I have on, and I am starting to get pretty tired, going to try to catch a bit of sleep before leaving. See you all on the other side...bye bye

November 20, 2006

3

11-19-06 The Day Before the Big Change

Well, after everything I have been through, working up to, sacrificing and so on, my big day is finally very very near--tomorrow! I need to be at the hospital at 6am, and my surgery is at 7:30am. Alright, so I am totally freaked...:nervous There are so many if, but, should, would questions and thoughts running through my head regarding the surgery, having a foreign object in my belly, but of coarse there are no certain answers to any of the questions. The only certainanty that I feel is that if I do not go through this, I will be obese, moribdly obese the rest of my life, I will wind up with arthritic knees, and hips (which believe it or not at the young age of 23 is already starting to take affect), I may get diabetes, high blood pressure and so on. I want to be healthy, feel better, be much healthier when I become preganant, and I DO NOT want to wear a plus sized wedding dress. :phanvan Today I taking the time to clean the house up, check last minute details, making sure everything is in order as much as possible before the big day. Well, I hope to post how I feel and how everything went as soon as possible. To everyone that may read this, wish me luck and thank you all!:hug:

November 19, 2006

3

11-16-06

I am soooo happy that it is near the weekend! This has been such an exhausting week. I have done 7 days of the liquid diet successfully and am happy with the weight loss, we also had parent teacher conferences this week and that has been grueling. I also started to aquire a sinus headache which really freakd me out today. I was getting all upset that I may not be able to have my surgery on Monday as scheduled, especially since I have made many special arrangements to have the date work out. My surgeon actually prescribed me an antibiotic just to stop anything from starting up more. I am taking the five day Z-pac and Claratin D, I really hope this all helps! I have really really mentally prepared myself for this surgery and I truly hope that it goes on as scheduled.

November 17, 2006

1

11-14-06 There is Food Everywhere!!!

I am now on my fifth day of the liquid diet and besides a small dorrito incident on sun. I have been totally cheat free!!! I work at a school and in our personal office and the lounge there are always sweets. Lately there have been krispy kremes, cookies, home made cookies, oh my!!! And I have been able to avoid all of it! I just look the other way and start drinking something!!! Whew!!! :biggrin1:

November 14, 2006

1

"Traditional" Before Pix coming soon

Here is a picture that was taken of me at the "Torrid" Model Search! I had a lot of fun!!!

November 12, 2006

4

11-12-06 Day Three

I want Dorritos really really bad...at tacos, pizza, bread sticks, pickles, popcorn...the list goes on....Time for my protein shake. I am praying that I dont give in to just one teeny weeny dorrito......so far i have been absolutely cheat free!

November 12, 2006

1

11-10-06 Measurements

The numbers below really got to me...I measured my hips, bust, stomach, thigh and upper arm, and those numbers really depressed me, even more than my weight does...Well, I am working hard to lower than and onto a happier, healthier me! Here they are: Bust- 52 inches Waist- 50 inches Hips- 55 1/2 inches Thigh - 31 inches Upper Arm- 17 1/2 inches Well at least my bust is wider than my waist...i guess that is something...

November 11, 2006

1

11-10-06 First Liquid Diet Day...

So...today was my first day of the liquid diet and the day is almost over, thank goodness! :faint: It was difficult. I am glad that I have been preparing myself b/c it would have been so much more unmanagable if I hadnt. Here is what I had today. Breakfast: 1 Target "slimfast" shake Lunch: 1 Yoplait Yogart Smoothie Dinner: 1 can of cheese soup *I cheated a bit here with the fat content of the soup I also had about 20 oz. of water all together, which I need to hydrate more than this! Today I went to GNC and purchased protein shake powder. GNC was having a special on their brand of products were it was buy one get one 50% off. So I got two very large tubs of protein powder for under $50! I am going to try and make one tonight...we'll see how it goes.

November 11, 2006

2

11-9-06 And so it begins...

Tomorrow I begin "The Liquid Diet." Over the last week I have been trying to enjoy food, not gorging myself or going crazy, but having at least one meal that I really enjoy. I have been religiously continuing my "practice" liquid diet and have managed to keep off 6lbs. which you can hardly tell...not too surprised when I have 150 more to lose! My boyfriend Joe works late tonight and wont be home until 11, but we are ordering out at our favorite pizza place, Papa Johns and that will be my last meal pre-band. I also had a chance to go out to eat tonight with my sister at Panera and then a sundae at Culvers! :hungry: But really and honestly, I am looking forward to changing my lifestyle, I am just really scared about the surgery and having a foregin object installed in my body...and today my mom said to me " well you know you dont have to do it..." :tired Yeah and I also wish that I woke up tomorrow being 150 lbs, but that aint gonna happen on its own! Well, wish me luck with my liquid diet, I am going to need it! :nervous

November 10, 2006

1

11-5-06 "Last Supper" Weekend

Now I have been trying my best not to get the "last supper" itch and go crazy with eating "bad" foods, especially since I already have been working hard on changing my eating habits which have left me 6 lbs. lighter! Yet, this weekend....well, my boyfriend has been kind enough to indulge me and take me out for a few "last suppers." On Friday he made me a delicious pasta dinner complete with garlic toast and wine. Yesterday I had Portillo's fries for "lunch" and we ate out at our favorite local pizza place with a pitcher of beer, but hey, it was miller LITE! :scared: Honestly...it was fun and tasty while we were eating...but all of the junk food has left me feeling bloated, gassy and just not feeling that great...I am really happy to be making such a life changing decision. In general, my family has not been very understanding of me deciding to do this surgery. Yesterday, I was really surprised by something that my mom offered to do for me! My dad and her are coming over to my house today and my mom offered to bring her home-made lasagna that I love since I wont really be able to eat like I have been, and she wanted to make something nice for me. I was really proud of her for the gesture and happy that she was thinking of me in the sense of this surgery! Happy Sunday to all and wish me luck as I prepare for my liquid diet beginning Friday!

November 5, 2006

1

10-31-06 Goodbye Nails

I am not sure where to start with this journal entry...it is kind of silly...especially with so many other much much much more important issues going on in the world...:cry But tonight I have to say goodbye to my acrylic nails. I love my nails!!! I have had them for a few years now, and they have always helped me feel at least a little pretty. When I take them off tonight all I will have left is short, stubby, fat fingers instead of eyecatching, interesting, elegant looking fingers and nails. My nails will also be atrocious when I take the acrylics off. Again, I know that it is really ridiculous and I will get over it, but I just wanted to express how I feel about saying goodbye to my nails that helped me feel at least just a tad bit pretty under the most difficult circumstances...:drum:

October 31, 2006

4

10-29-06 A trip to the ER

Last night, out of nowhere...I got very very ill. :car: I had a very severe case of diaherra for about two hours which left me slipping in and out of consciousness. My boyfriend wound up taking me to the ER b/c we weren't sure what was going to happen. I was white as a ghost, my blood pressure and heart rate dropped, my temp was low and I was losing control of my hearing and vision. A very, very scary experience...I was so scared as to what was going to happen. The ER doctor wasnt able to diagnose me with anything, but kept me for a while in order to rehydrate me with an IV, I was severly dehydrated. I have been feeling ok, just weak and a bit out of it. I hope this experience doesnt affect anything with me being banded...:drum:

October 30, 2006

7

10-28-06 Going Out!

Tonight my boyfriend Joe and I are going out to eat at the Olive Garden tonight. I really am not struggling too much with "last supper" urges, but there are a few places I want to eat out at before I begin the liquid diet in about 10 days. I am really looking forward to when I can't overdo it, but it will also be difficult to give up eating comfortably. However, I am more than willing to make that change. I have already given up a lot in order to really prepare myself, especially with all of the chocolate around b/c of Halloween. :nervous

October 28, 2006

1

10-27-06 The Beginnings

After about a week and a half of preparing for the liquid diet, I have successfully lost about three lbs. consistently for the past few days. One of the reasons why I really hate the scale is that it seems to change its mind throughout the day! That is why I think it is important to wait until the lbs lost is consistent before claiming actual weight loss! :drum:

October 27, 2006

1

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