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Blog 75595

A blog by vmack2001

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Im sooo disappointed in myself...

Right now is 11:30 pm and Im sitting here with my husband.. I should be asleep since I have to get up at 3:30 in the morning to get ready for work.. my stomache is growling so I ate 12 small pcs of rice crackers and I still feel hungry.. WHATS WRONG WITH ME??? I am struggling so much losing weight.. I no its the food I eat...I eat what I am able to just so I wont be hungry.. Im not able to eat veggies or even any kind of meat without throwing up..I currently have 6.2CC in my band. I no that it is probably too tight but I am scared that if I get it losen I will gain weight again and thats not the direction I wanna go.. My goal weight is 170 and currently is at 205.. :thumbup: After reading all the success stories on here I truly feel like a looser/failure... any suggestion/advice/comments would greatly be appreciated...

September 25, 2009

6

November 14th..The day i will never forget

It has been awhile since i last blogged.. since then my mother has past away..Pantcreatic cancer took her away from us.. she past on NOv 14th-sUNDAY AT 7:45 PM.. lORD REST HER SOUL.. SINCE THEN i FEEL like I have completely gaVE UP.. ON everthing...This lapband thing has frustrated me.. I guess I just have so much anger inside I have no one to release it to.. so i eat and i eat and i make myself sick to the point where i just vomit ALL the time..i just:( dont no what to do anymore...as much as i want to be thin.. i have no motivation in me to try to get thin.....I want to remove this band.. but I heard its going to cost $5000 out of pocket.. thats wayyy too much.. what should i do??? my weight has been the same.. which is now 220lbs.. the lowest I got down to was 201..never even made it to the 100's...Im sooo disappointed in myself.. HOw can I let this happen??? What have I done???Who can I turn to???Im sooo lost and confused..and sooo SAD...

December 13, 2010

6

I have a serious problem!!!

Ok... so I have a serious problem that I need to get off my chest... I luv food too much..and lately I have been eating whatever I want to and basically throw it back up.. my friends tell me that I am bindgeing... i eat to the point where I cant eat no more until I have the urge to throw up then I would stop... when Im at work I hardly eat at all.. its just when I am at home when I do this.. I am sooo ashame of myself.. Im scared that I might have a slip in my band.. I go back this thursday and I am going to tell the doctor the truth.. I cant do this anymore.. I NEED HELP!!!! has anyone gone thru this besides me???? I guess thats why I stopped losing weight... I cant seem to control myself..why???why???why??? I am ashame to even look mat myself in the mirror.. PLEASE HELP ME...:confused::sad::wub::sad::ohmy::sad::mad2:

October 12, 2009

5

What the heck went wrong????

OK...so today I decided that today was gonna be a new day for me..and decided that I really needed to start eating right.. so all day I ate 1 cup of yogurt, 2 slices of cheese, my protein shake and 6 baby carrots with veggie dip. I am sooo proud of myself because I have not yet to throw my food back up.. after I got off work this evening I came home and weighed myself..HOW DID I GAIN 3LBS????!!!!! I am now back up to 208..OMG!!! what went wrong???? now im sitting here starving and eating a chicken salad..Can someone explain to me WHAT THE HECK HAPPED???

September 25, 2009

5

Please Help!

OK..so let me just explain briefly of what I have been going thru..I have been banded for exactly 4 yrs now..Feb of this year was when I decided to really take this weight loss serious..In Feb. I weighed about 205 lbs..I went to see my dr and he prescribed me phentermine..to my surprise it helped! I even lost 12 lbs in 2 wks! That alone motivated me to really want to lose weight..so I started working out everyday..so on top of my lapband..i was taking diet pills and walking a minimum of 3-5 miles per day..I noticed the weight was dropping like crazy! UNTIL..i stopped taking the diet pills..I dont want to feel like I am dependent of it..Im still exercising everyday..and I think its getting to the point where I am obsessed with it..if I eat something bad I would work out double just to make up for it..the last 2 months I have came to a stand still..I am currently at 160 lbs and I weigh myself everyday..and each day it fluctuates give or take 2-3 lbs..which is causing me to be very depressed..on top of me not losing weight my hair has been falling out alot..is this happening to anyone? please help me..Im not losing weight anymore..I think I really need to get the pills again..my goal weight is 145 lbs...I need advice of what I should do..please help..any suggestions on what I should eat..or a different method of exercise?I am so close to reaching my goal weight..and any advice about hair loss..is this normal?

October 3, 2012

4

I stopped losing weight!!!

OMG!! will I ever get down to the 100's mark??? Im now down to 201 lbs. Im not eating much at all, and yet the weight lost has STOPPED. My next fill will be on the 16th.. I CANT WAIT!! Im really starting to get frustrated with this band. Im tired of counting preoteins. I dont even think I consume my daily 50gm that im suppose to eat. Is that y Im not losing weight? After a fill does anyone have to be on a liquid diet again for a week?? ANY ADVICE??? PLEASE HELP ME!!!

October 9, 2009

4

New day...

First off I wanna say thanks to the peeps that has responded back with inspiring words...and you guys are right. maybe I beat myself up to much and not give myself enough credit for the lbs that I have lost.. but one thing I no.. is that I will not give up.. I have in the past but now i realize that if I do.. everything that I have worked hard for will just go down the drain... plus this DAM surgery WASNT cheap!! LOL.. so now I have finally got up the courage to post my pics.. sadly to say I am a lil ashamed of my weight.. if you look at the pic with me and my siblings u can tell which one I am.. the one in the middle is my baby sis.. and Im a lil worried for her cuz she is starting to gain weight.. my main concern is her becoming a diabetic like me, since it runs in our family..my other sister besides the baby is actually our OLDEST sister.. yet she is the smallest out of all of us.. DAM HER!! lol.. im still trying to figure out what went wrong with us two..lol After being on this site and reading everyones success story I HAVE TRULY made up my mind.. I have about 40 lbs to go..and Im not giving up.. Its time to take it SERIOUS!! I t has been a year now after my surgery and yet only down 34 lbs... I will keep ya'll updated with my weight and hopefully they are all good news!!!

September 25, 2009

4

Ugh..i hate get togethers

So today was my god daughter's 1st birthday!!! And of course at EVERY get together there is FOOD!!! lots of FOOD..:mad: I helped cooked..made fried rice and fried noodles and yummy eggrolls.. Man was I tempted.,.I finally gave in and TRIED to eat half an eggroll, a spoon of rice and a spoon of fried rice... and thats when it all went down hill for me..:thumbup: the food did not sit too well and all came back up.. GOSH..how do any of ya'll control yourself when there's sooo much good food around??? IT REALLY SUCKS!!! I guess thats when self control comes in huh?? (which I didnt have)..then of course I packed some food home for my husband.. and as Im sitting here typing my blog..guess what Im doing??? Yea.. you guessed it.. Im throwing up the food I just tried to eat.. I am such a failure and a sucker for food... someone PLEASE HELP!!!!:eek:

September 27, 2009

4

One thing after another..

Since I last blog I decided to get a revision and do the gastric sleeve, so of course I would have to get a EGD done..and what did they find????? FOOD in my tummy 9.5 hrs after i ate..WTH!! so my doctor wanted some tests done. I had to do a nuclear emptying of the stomach..and apparently my digestive system is NOT working properly..GEEZE what else can go wrong???they dont no what the heck is wrong with my stomach.. so that means MORE test and NO surgery.. so my doctor thinks I should try to give this band ONE MORE CHANCE.. and I believe if i TRY my best and put more effort in this I can lose the weight.. so I agreed..and here i am..at 213lbs.. I have lost a few pounds..I have been watching what I eat..excercising at kleast 5 days a week.. but I only have 3.5 cc's which is NOT much cause i still can EAT..lol Anyways to give ya'll my update.. I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL..yay me!! Im getting my degree in respiratory therapy.. Im doing this for myself but also my MOM!!! I know she will be very proud of me.. I MISS HER SOOO MUCH.. its now been a little over 4 months since her passing.. and it just feels so UNREAL...this feels like a dream.. a bad bad dream... Ive been trying to stay strong.. but it sooo hard.. since Im in school full time now I had to transfer to 2nd shift.. and its HARD.. hardly getten sleep.. but I have been tryen to maintain..

April 1, 2011

4

More bad news- :(

OK... SO IT HAS BEEN 3 WKS SINCE I LAST BLOGGED...AND IF SOME OF YOU DONT KNOW WHATS BEEN GOING ON LET ME TELL YA...I'VE BEEN BANDED FOR A YEAR NOW AND SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN HAVING COMPLICATIONS.. I HAVE LOST A TOTAL OF 38 LBS:cursing: I HAVE BEEN ON UPS AND DOWNS WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS... 3 WKS AGO I WENT TO SEE THE DOC AND MY POUCH HAS STRETCHED..:wub: SO HE PUT ME ON A LIQUID SHAKE DIET W/ EATING 1 SMALL MEAL A DAY..THE SHAKE WAS GOOD AT FIRST THE IT STARTED MAKING ME SICK BUT I STUCK WITH IT.. TODAY WHEN I WENT TO THE DOC.. I GAINED 3 LBS!!!! HOW COULD THIS BE!!! I ATE WAY LESS THEN I DID BEFORE BUT YET GAINED 3 LBS.. AND NOT ONLY THAT.. MY POUCH DID NOT SHRINK BACK TO NORMAL... SOOOO... GUESS WHAT HAPPENED??? HE TOOK ALLLLL THE SALINE OUT OF MY BAND AND SAID THAT IF MY POUCH DONT GO BACK TO NORMAL..WITHIN A YEAR I WILL HAVE TO HAVE IT REMOVED...SO NOW I HAVE NO RESTRICTION.. I AM SOOO SCARED THAT I WILL GAIN MY WEIGHT BACK.. I GO BACK IN 2 WKS TO SEE IF I CAN GET A FILL AGAIN.... I AM SO DEPRESSED THAT I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING WITH THIS BAND AND THEN I HEAR EVERYONE ELSE'S SUCCESS STORY... DOES ANYONE HAVE ADVICE FOR ME????:smile2:

November 5, 2009

4

Im scared

Ok..its been awhile since I have been on here and I need some type of encouragement. I have been banded for 4 years now and in the first 3 yrs I have had nothing but complications. I started off at 239 lbs. and is currently at 152 lbs. Just this past year is when I started actually taking my weight loss seriously. My doctor also prescribed me diet pills for additional assistance to suppress my appetite. Last year alone I lost close to 50 lbs. It was hard. With ALOT of exercise and dedication I did it. However just a few weeks ago when I went to see my doctor I found out that he doesnt do the band surgery anymore because there has been alot of complications and sum of his patients were having to get it removed and converting over to the sleeve. I was told majority of these patients has been banded over 2 yrs. Ive been banded for 4! He told me not to worry because my band looks good, and that I need to make sure to follow up with him at least every 6 months. Im scared, and I dont want to experience what it would be like if my band eroided or slipped. Now Im thinking if I should just get it removed? What should I do? Has anyone on here has have any experience of a slippage or erosion?

January 12, 2013

3

Bad news= bad day :(

Ok.. here is my update: I went to see the doctor today, ready for another fill.. so of course I go thru the entire check in process, got weighed and all that good stuff.. I havent seen him since July so it has been about 2 1/2 months and I only lost 12 lbs since I last saw him.:mad: The nurse takes me to a room and then the doc comes inside to talk to me. He asked me how everything was and I told him the TRUTH. That I have basically been stuffing my face with anything and everything to the point where I throw up my food. He was very concern and told me that it needs to stop and only I can do that. So he wanted to take a look at my band and of course I drank that nasty drink they make us drink to see inside... and what did we discover???? MY SMALL POUCH STRETCHED OUT!!!! which is BAD BAD BAD!!! He told me that if I continue doing what Im doing it will get worse and I will have a slip and have to have surgery... so that really woke me up.. Im scared!! so now he advised that I need to be on a liquid diet for at least 2 wks and then start back on soft food again... Gosh I dont wanna live the rest of my life like this.. not being able to eat what I want..I know that this is whats best for me in the long run.. one thing that I feel better about is that I finally told the doctor the truth about what I have been doing and thats a load off my chest... so the hard part is.. will I be able to stay on this liquid diet for 2 wks??? that will be a challenge.. he did say that I can drink the shake twice a day and eat a small meal for dinner.. just as long as I dont over eat.. well I will keep ya'll updated soon..

October 15, 2009

3

To fill or not to fill???

OK..so its been a few days since I've updated.. So the last time I was depressed because I went back up to 208.. now I got back down to 202 lbs.. buts thats where I have been the last 1 1/2 months.. its been up and down like a roller coaster.. but never made it under 202.. I need ya'lls advice.. SHOULD I GET A FILL?? but keep in mind before u answer my question.. Im the one that barely can eat anything without throwing up.. lots of people think that I'm too tight.. I currently have 6.2CC in the band.. but my weight loss has came to a complete stop.. PLease help!! what should I do????

September 29, 2009

3

Out of control

GEEZE..where to start.. since my last blog in July things has turned for the worse.. my husband finally returned to work after his injury (thank goodness) but my mothers health has deteriated rapidly..she is now at stage 4 cancer..its gotten to the point where hospice has stepped in and is taking care of her..it hurts to see her in pain and there's absolutely NOTHING that I can do to make it better. She use to be such a happy person and now all you see is sadness in her face..this has been a rough road for my family..back in 2001 I lost my daughter and now Im about to lose my mom.. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO..I have been very depressed and this LAPBanD is NOT going too well.. I am now back up to 221 LBS..WOW!! I cant believe it.. I have about 6 cc's in my band, I have some resrictions but not too much..Im just LOST..I know that I am not making the right food choices because of the massive weight gain..but I tend to eat what I can hold down, which of course is JUNKFOOD.. someone help me!! PLZ!!

September 19, 2010

3

When will I learn????

When will I get it thru my thick skull to stop EATING!!!! so my doc put me on a 2 week liquid diet since my lil pouch stretched out a bit.. and i've been drinking the shake twice a day like he advised but yet I still eat..my mom made this pork lettuce wrap that I just couldnt resist.. man being asian I grew up eating mostyly asian food.. now that i have the band I really cant.. so when she made the lettuce wrap I couldnt help myself.. I ate and ate and ate untill I couldnt breath and my stomach was in PAIN!!!! What was I thinking???? but oh was it so so GOOD..lol since I have been on this liquid diet I havent lost any weight.. hmmm wonder y??? :huh2: That shake is soo thick and slimy.. yuck its gross..So when will I learn??? my doc says if this continues for another year.. I will have to have surgery.. which I really dont want..How can I gain the strength to stop stop stop????? any advice???

October 21, 2009

2

Im lost

Well it has been months since I have been on this site..and since then I have not lost any weight..I actually gained weight.. I feel like everything is hitting me at once.. my husband injured himself and tore his achilles tendon, so he had to have surgery and will be out of work at least 4 mths..the financial hardship of haven to provide for the family is not just stressful in itself but around the same time he got injured my mother got ill and was diagnosed with "PANCREATIC CANCER"... I have been so depressed that I have been trying to over eat but in return Im actually hurting myself..so I decided to go back to Dr Kim and take ALL the saline out of my band once again..and since then i have gained about 10 lbs.. I am now at 216 lbs..I dont know what to do.. i have been over eating and my sugar has been out of waCK.. i know that I am not taking good care of myself.. but I cant STOP.. Im soo depressed and stress about my mom.. I feel so alone..:rolleyes2: the doc said that its stage 2.. so hopefully surgery will be involved and maybe she can beat this..but the survival rate is maybe 5 yrs...what should I do? should I go back to Dr Kim and get a fill again? I just dont want to gain anymore weight however I dont want to hurt myself by over eating and I feel like right now..FOOD is my comfort..but I look at myslef in the mirror and I see a fat disgusting person that has lost control of herself.. Please..any advice will greatly be appreciated.. WHAT SHOULD I DO????

July 12, 2010

2

The big day...

Ok...today was the big day for me... it has been 1 1/2 months since the doc took all the saline out of my band..and it has been wonderful being able to eat again...sooooooo...I must admit I have been out of control and eating basically whatever I wanted..BUT good news is.... when I weighed in..I ONLY GAINED 1.8 lbs!!!! YAY ME!! for having NO restrictions for 1 1/2 months.. I think i did GREAT...anyways..the doc gave me a fill again...my pouch went back to normal and now it's time to get back on track...he put 6.5cc's in my band...and Im feeling good....I have 40lbs left to reach my goal weight...and now I am ready to start losing again...:tt1:

December 18, 2009

2

And it begins........

OK.. SO NOW IT HAS BEEN A COUPLE OF WEEKS SINCE THE DOC REMOVED ALL THE SALINE OUT OF MY BAND..IN THE BEGINNING I LOST THE 3 LBS THAT I GAINED..I AM NOW ABLE TO EAT WHAT EVER I WANTED AND IT FEELS SOOOOOO GOOD...HERE LATELY I HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN OVEREATING AND GUESS WHAT??? I GAINED THE 3 LBS BACK PLUS 2 ADDITIONAL LBS!!!! OH NOOOOO!!! I STILL WORK OUT AND WALK DAILY...BUT IT SEEMS AS IF A LB OR 2 IS CREEPING BACK UP ON ME WEEKLY.. THE NEXT DOC APPT IS DEC 17TH!! THATS TOO LONG FROM NOW!!! THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED... I CANT STOP EATING!!!!

November 18, 2009

2

Ready for another fill..

http://tickers.tickerfactory.com/ezt/t/wRompQb/weight.png So, It has been about 1 1/2 months since I have went to see the doctor..at that time I weighed in at 212 and now down to 202..I've noticed that my weight has been fluctuating from between 206 and 203..I have been so busy with work that I havent went back.. So today I called and the earliest they can get me in is Oct.16th! :thumbup: I cant wait that long!! but I guess I dont have a choice..Im still not able to eat anything.. Im soo ready to be under the 200 mark.. Will it ever happen??? I was wondering.. This question Im about to ask is for the people that have lost over 50 lbs.. DO YOU GUYS HAVE ACCESS SKIN?? AND WHAT DO YOU DO TO TIGHTEN IT BACK UP?? WILL SURGERY BE REQUIRED?? I only have about 37 lbs left to reach my goal weight.. I notice Im starting to have flabby skin...:eek: WHAT SHOULD I DO????

October 1, 2009

2

5 days out with no restriction...

OK.. SO IT HAS BEEN 5 DAYS OUT SINCE THE DOC TOOK ALL THE SALINE OUT OF MY BAND.. I HAVE STILL BEEN DOING MY "BIGGEST LOSER" WORKOUT AND FOR THE MOST PART WATCHING WHAT I EAT.. BUT HONESTLY I HAVE TO SAY.. THAT IT FEELS SOOOOOOOO GOOD TO BE ABLE TO EAT WITHOUT THROWING UP EVERY FEW MINUTES.. IT'S WONDERFUL!!! AND THE GOOD NEWS IS.. I LOST THE 3 LBS THAT I GAINED!! YAY ME!!! I AM TRYEN MY BESTEST NOT TO GAIN THE WEIGHT BACK.. AS LONG AS I CAN MAINTAIN MY WEIGHT WE SHOULD BE OK.. IM SUPPOSE TO GO SEE THE DOC. ON THE 19TH BUT THATS SOOOO CLOSE TO TURKEY DAY...HMMM MAYBE I SHOULD RESCEDULE MY APPT. TILL AFTER THANKSGIVING..LOL SHOULD I?? OR SHOULD I NOT??? HMMMM:unsure:

November 11, 2009

1

14 more days till my doc appt...UH OH....

Alrighty now.. it has been over a week since I last blogged...and here's the update with me.. I AM GETTEN OUT OF CONTROL!!! I have been eating just to eat!! Even when Im not hungry! like just now I ate an entire salami sandwhich! and I am miserable..I wasnt even hungry when I ate it..Im turning into a monster!!!BUT good news is.... I am at the same weight when I weighed in at the doc's office 3 weeks ago.. so I havent gained any weight...On Dec. 17th I go in to see if my pouch shrunk back to normal and thats my main concern..I have been over eating and I am so afraid to see how it looks.. I know right from wrong..so why cant I control myself????? I no that my doctor will be so disappointed in me when I go see him..I just cant stop eating.. SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!:thumbup::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::

December 4, 2009

1

Ready for another fill..

http://tickers.tickerfactory.com/ezt/t/wRompQb/weight.png So, It has been about 1 1/2 months since I have went to see the doctor..at that time I weighed in at 212 and now down to 202..I've noticed that my weight has been fluctuating from between 206 and 203..I have been so busy with work that I havent went back.. So today I called and the earliest they can get me in is Oct.16th! :thumbup: I cant wait that long!! but I guess I dont have a choice..Im still not able to eat anything.. Im soo ready to be under the 200 mark.. Will it ever happen??? I was wondering.. This question Im about to ask is for the people that have lost over 50 lbs.. DO YOU GUYS HAVE ACCESS SKIN?? AND WHAT DO YOU DO TO TIGHTEN IT BACK UP?? WILL SURGERY BE REQUIRED??

October 1, 2009

1

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