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The Journey

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I don't even know what to call this----ranting I guess.

Okay this is my journal so I can say what I want to. I try to be a good person.....I do a random act of kindness every single day...I believe in Karma. I am not in the habit of starting shit with anyone and I am not afraid of anyone either (sounds bad-I am just giving the mental picture here...lol) I will do anything for anybody I love to help people. I do not however like people who pretend to know everything (lol...as if anyone else likes them..ha ha) And I can't stand people who don't check the facts before opening their mouths. I allowed myself to get caught up in a stupid thread about coffee....ugh so not like me! I flat out stated that I do not like Starbucks (i tried to like them, i really did, i just can't). I watched TV on 9-11 along with millions of other people -watching the towers drop...I actually got to see the live shot of the plane coming into Tower Two behind Bryant Gumble's head...not that I deserve sympathy, I wasn't there and didn't lose a loved one in the tragedy. It effects me none-the-less. I watched the news when Starbucks wouldn't give the water for free....and yes, I understand that it was one employee and not the whole starbucks co. I don't really give a rats butt, what is done is done, and when I think of 9-11....that among other things sticks out in my mind. I do not love war.....on the other hand, I do believe in an eye for an eye.....and frankly I think we should bomb them back into the ground. Do I know about War and Military???? Yes I do, I grew up in Fort Dix...my father was in the service for 24 years.....and quite a few of my family members. I was born in Germany--my german grandfather also served in the war. Everyone is allowed their own opinion.....i mean everyone. When I read an opinion that is not of mine, i think.....hmmmmm...okay. I do not leave nasty posts and tell people to get their facts straight. I can't tell you how many posts I have read lately and think WTF???? I chose not to post at all ---it is after all their opinion and not mine. So today some idiot (loosly termed) tells me to read the facts, when indeed the facts that they posted -actually reflected what I was saying...ha ha it made me laugh....then I was called "rude". Hmmmm....yeah that is calling the kettle black isn't it??? (WTF?!) I am very passionate about a lot of things, but this terrorist thing really gets my shit ruffled! I am so mad at myself for allowing myself to get caught up in some stupid arguement over coffee.....I laughed because soda was mentioned and then when I pointed out it was a starbucks thread is when I was called rude....um no, i was just pointing out a fact. Before I go on ....I dont' care who drinks Starbucks...my own sis does and I could care less, I won't do it....plain and simple. This is the real root of my feelings, and I didn't post them on the starbucks post because I didn't want to get deeper into crap with anyone. Does anyone remember the beheadings that happened in the last few years??? Well, one of them is a guy who used to live up the street. While I think its sad, he did chose to live there, so one has to be prepared when they go to unsecure places. But here is the story.....I met his nephew....I spent 4 months in school with him. He is in second grade and is 7 years old. He doesn't have a father and his mother is attending school and has 3 kids. She does have a boyfriend(s). Okay so this child lays terrified in his bed every single friggin night because he is afraid the "bad men" are going to go thru the whole family and behead them!!!!! OMG i friggin cried when I heard this. (teary now too). The boyfriend took it upon himself to re-arrange the child's bedroom and now the shadows are different at night.....he thinks its the bad men. (ugh) I asked his teacher if she spoke to the mom... no not yet...omg I would be addressing this...its not funny. This child does not sleep at night for fear of the shadows....it is affecting his grades. He is the cutest, sweetest, little thing, I just want to give him a big hug and tell him the bad men will not get him. He is 7 friggin years old and is terrified. Terrorists.....Fu*kers!!!!! So yeah when i hear about starbucks I think of terrorists.........I think of this little boy.....I think about my own daughter who was in preschool at the time and came off the bus all kids of worried....wtf...why were they telling my kid this in school???? I called the school and told the teacher, if you need to talk about it, please insure the kids that they are safe here with their parents. Shortly after 9-11 I had furniture delivered .....big white truck....no lettering whatsoever...two men, one black and one mexican...wearing camo.....I thought this child was having a stroke....screaming at the top of her lungs "mommy the bad men are here to get us" I want to know WTF were they thinking wearing cammo after 9-11! Took me weeks to calm her down. So yeah I think of my daugher and the little boy (DJ) everytime I hear starbucks....I think of terrorists, I think of my teens calling me from school asking if they are gonna die....I think of my response to my oldest daughter "I dont' know". I think about how I told her she was safer at school...I had three kids in three different schools...ugh who do i get first. I tell the high schooler that if she feels unsafe she should call me and i will get her...she answers "I think that is what I am doing now mom" ....she is telling me this as the plane goes down in PA......I am not sure what to do.....for the first time, I don't have answers. The whole world is crashing. Me, the person who has total control and is afraid of no one, has no answers and no control. I sat with the car keys in my hand watching the news and planning the route to take to get the kids. So again, i just can't bring myself to like Starbucks, I don't owe an explanation to anyone. Nobody has to agree, and I am okay with that (sincerely I am). But what I can't stand is some numb nuts so bent on telling me to "get the facts" ---FU..I don't need facts. Ugh.
Bettina

Bettina

3
 

Hmmmm....change of heart.

It would seem that "VI" has had a change of heart. Damn, I was kinda having fun calling her Vi. She just called to tell me that my insurance called her and told her to go ahead and order the cpap. Yay! She has been nothing but polite the last few phone conversations. Maybe the doc chewed someone out for not getting this done quickly as he requested. Ha ha I am not gonna dwell on that now, its over and done with. So the office manager ,formerly known as Vi, is faxing the request to the cpap people. Next they call me and set up an appt to come to my house...and as soon as I know what date that is, i can call Dr. O and schedule my pre-op appt and surgery...yay! :clap2:
Bettina

Bettina

2
 

This is the webinar of my Doc's GB and Lapband procedures

I highly recommend anyone that has questions to view this webinar. :clap2: It is lengthy (2 hrs) but well worth watching, if for nothing else, you can use it to know what questions to ask your doctor!   http://www.or-live.com/AtlantiCare/weightloss/skin/rnh.cfm?language=english
Bettina

Bettina

2
 

no title

I am amazed at all the people who were not told how the band really works...I find this very sad. People eating cold cuts...yikes they are never gonna lose that way. Others who wonder why the band doesn't keep them from being hungry -heartbreaking! Didn't anyone research the band before they had it installed? Others complaining that they don't lose it fast...others claiming the band no longer works...but they lost weight and that was what the band was for-so it did do its job. The doctors need to inform the patients better.
Bettina

Bettina

1
 

Getting Excited

I got my official approval today from Insurance. I knew I was approved but nothing says "Yay" like seeing it in writing! 28 days and counting!! I am getting so excited. Hubby asked how I am gonna do surgery and school...I got it covered...sis is gonna drive me to school the monday after surgery. I know that seems soon. And anyone who reads this and has been banded is probably thinking "is she kidding?" LOL I have had three c-sections...and two days after back surgery I was shoveling the driveway (which I know doesn't compare...just putting it out there on how well I heal) I will be able to manage this just fine. I bought slimfast already..it is not required before surgery to lose weight, but I want to do this right, so I thought I'd start conditioning myself now...lol. Got my sneakers out and my pedometer all ready to roll...lol :clap2:
Bettina

Bettina

3
 

ha ha do they even know what they are talking about??

The thoughts of me, who's degree is Psychology....I was reading tonight ..I won't even mention the topic because after awhile they all sound alike. I just wonder about some people...do they even know how to read? Do they need a dictionary? Do they know how to use punctuation to stress how they feel while posting? Do they go back and re-read what they wrote? I don't think so! Some people just talk out their ass I think...lol, with no regard for other's feelings. I think using a dictionary should be a pre-requisite for joining any forum. Oh yeah what does forum mean: (taken from Webster's) : a public meeting place for open discussion : a medium (as a newspaper or online service) of open discussion or expression of ideas (one would notice that there is no mention that its okay to diss others)   So what is the problem here. People bashing others.....do they do this because they themselves want to be bashed?? Its the whole "Do Unto Others" idea I am putting out there. So this means that people are allowed to say what they want to someone else but god forbid that person comes back with a reply!!???Does this even make sense?? um...NO! So I wonder did these nasty people just learn to speak today and they just don't know better? Were they taught this at home (cause I know they didn't learn it at school) Does their mom know they act like this? Even little children don't act like some of the people I have seen on LBT. My favorite has to be the person who bashes someone on one thread and then two threads later they are sticking up for them like they are their long lost buddy.......can you spell Sybil???? (multiple personalities for those who don't get that)   I am thinking that they need to update the list of side effects of lapbanding. "Caution, lapbanding may cut off the oxygen to your brain and make you speak out your butt with no regard for others" LOL I think I will suggest it.   Ugh more drama here lately than in most 4th grade classes!! So one would say to me "why are you even here if you think that way?" I came here to get support and make a few friends. There are about a dozen really nice people on these boards!! The rest of the population..I look at as speedbumps....annoying things lying in my way that I have to gently get over and forget about them after leaving them where i found them.   who was this addressed to really? The "negatives" who will read this journal entry with anger:angry . (the rest of your are truly wonderful people):clap2:
Bettina

Bettina

5
 

15 days and no sleep yet

:angry OMG still no sleep. 15 days I can't take it anymore! Hubby thinks I should do housework and then i will get tired and fall asleep....he totally doesn't understand sleep apnea! I even tried rum and coke last night....still no sleep. I feel like a zombie! I called the sleep people....finally my report is on the doc's desk, he reads it, and faxes it to my doc. I called my doc 2 days ago, talked to Nurse-Zilla again.....bitch! She said ya know it takes two weeks (mind you I hadn't even asked her anything yet..that was her greeting) ......and i said...yeah but there is a rush on this and I haven't slept since July 19th.......I told her I can't take it anymore and that it was affecting my health and my personal life. Did I say bitch? I meant Uber-Bitch. If anyone ever hears that I wrapped my car around a tree because of lack of sleep.....please tell the authorities it was the U.B's fault. Maybe U.B. could use some homemade brownies to cheer her up (who cares if I lace them with Chocolatey Ex-lax!!!!)...ugh i feel like I am gonna whig.....gotta log off! :nervous
Bettina

Bettina

5
 

Approved

I got approved today....the doc's office even called my cell to tell me! So excited....can't sit still. A little worried about having the surgery on a Wednesday and going back to school on Monday...but I have had three c-sections...so I know what abdominal pain from surgery is like. I absolutely have to go to school on the following Monday because Nurse-Zilla messed me up (see earlier journal) Gonna start walking tomorrow. Bought slim fast the other day...just to shrink my stomach and to start to prepare myself for "hunger"..lol. I also have been watching an odd amt of surgeries on TV lately....Dr Rey from Dr. 90210 had fingers in this girls breast to stretch it out for the implant.......ugh is she gonna be sore. I see the blood and turn away...lol idiot that I am. I am not scared. But I am certain that I will be nervous the day of the surgery.
Bettina

Bettina

2
 

The small yet visable bump in the road

So it's official...I have sleep apnea...and I haven't slept since I found out...only catnapping since. UGH. At this point, I am not even thinking about the lapband...I just want to sleep. I have checked out the horrors of sleep apnea...double ugh! I went to the sleep apnea online support site...not as user friendly as LBT..boo-hoo. Anyway, Tuesday is when I get fitted for my lovely "headress"..hey maybe I can glue feathers on it...LOL :whoo: I laid on the couch :couch2:the other night to relax...all alone in the livingroom...and my throat closes...OMG...sat bolt upright...told myself to relax and I'd be okay....hmmm not! Went to the kitchen to get cold water from the cooler...took a sip, and the swelling went down! Yay! Luckily that was the only time that has happened to me.....but honestly I do find myself holding my breath a lot...esp when I am driving...Its comical when I think about it...I'll be driving along:car: and start to feel faint...and I am thinking...crap what is this about...then I realize..."Dummy, you are holding your breath!!!!! I take a breath and immediatly feel better. :drama: ugh the drama!!
Bettina

Bettina

4
 

Notice the time of this posting...ugh!

I still can't sleep! I took a half of a tylenol PM and was drousy:notagree ...and then I was reading the memorials in ObesityHelp.com....and it woke me right up...ugh this stinks! I called the pulmonary doc today to see if they got my sleep apnea results so i can get that lovely mask and go on with my life..the first thing out of nurse-zilla's mouth was "it takes two weeks" and i then informed her (with clenching fists) that I know but I was there when it was faxed over to be read! "I'll call you back" was the answer. Someone called later:confused: ...didn't sound like nurse-zilla to tell me that it was being determined what my number was then she said "I don't know what that means" ugh she works with sleep apnea people......was it the cleaning lady they had calling me?? (not to knock the cleaning lady---but this was someone working in an office who should know what she is talking about) I thanked for for taking the time to call me and wished her a lovely day. It will be okay---I need to relax! Oh yeah I told whoever called me that while I wanted to know for surgery....i was more worried about the lack of sleep and wanted to get on with a normal life. (meant nothing to her) oh well. So I get home from studying Spanish with a friend...only to find a band aid on my husbands head and a huge burn on his face....he fell 7 feet off a ladder...and then all the stuff from the scaffolding fell off and hit him in the head! He has an egg on his head...omg awful. I took a pic with my digital and showed him. I don't know what the cut on his forehead looks like he won't let me see it. I threatened to hit him in the foot so he'd have to see a doc. :angry Stubborn man!!! (but I still love him):hug: I still need to clean out my van......he works an hour away and the truck doesn't have air condition-well, it did-it broke. I want him to take the van it will be 100 degrees with the feeling like 106 tomorrow!!! This has nothing to do with his boo-boo i had decided it on the way home today. I was gonna get into pj's and decided since I am wide awake I might as well go out and do it now. My son is still awake too so maybe he'll help..lol I just have to get my school books and two beach chairs out..no biggie. I am also hungry...very hungry. There are chicken chimichangas in the fridge and the gravitational pull is almost more than I can endure.:omg:   I better get out to the van...he will be up in 2 hours to go to work.
Bettina

Bettina

4
 

All is well with the earth.

Okay so things have gotten better..way better. I'll do this in chronological order: 1. I call the doc's office they are closed...can't reschedule..ugh bummed. 2. Talk to a former co-worker, same surgeon did her banding 2 weeks ago....no pain at all.....everything great with her!!!! Yay. (still freaking thinking the doc won't bend for me) 3. Another pre-bander emails me to tell me about her doc. I look up the hosp in my insurance...covered ...yay!!! The doc I want is not covered...boo-hoo. 4. My sis calls to finally give me the emotional support I need...I called her at 10am and she was still out cold. Anyway she tells me take the time off from school-I am smart and get good grades, she reminds me -its no worse than being out sick for the day...duh I forgot that...see why I needed her support?--she knows just the right words to use...lol. 5. I forgot to mention--I got my sleep machine...OMG the guy was on his way to my house and THE POWER GOES OUT...omg someone somewhere doesn't want this to happen for me...he calls to say he is on his way..i do not tell him about the power...good thing...right as I hang up the power goes back on---yeah--someone IS looking out for me!!!:eek: 6. I call the doc's office today-returning a call i didn't know i had because it was on my cell which was out in the car. They change my date to the 27th...totally do-able...and...guess what I was wrong about my schedule...I only have two classes on Wednesday's not 4...whoo hoo! So I will have surgery on Sept 27th....and only miss 3 classes....omg this is awsome! (I will not have to drive into a tree after all-see prev journal entry...lol) I am so excited I think I will go clean the kitchen!!!!! Ha ha ha...odd thing to say I know, was too upset to do anything...feel like a great weight (ha ha) has been lifted...now feel normal. TTFN!!!!:confused:
Bettina

Bettina

2
 

I am calling the village ---I found their idiot!!!!!!!!

OMG....the doc thinks i have sleep apnea...so his nurse calls me to tell me when and where to go for testing.....the doc writes stars all over my chart and writes "august surgery" on the papers. I know cause he gave me a copy. So she calls and gives me an appt 5 weeks later...hello this does not work for me...doc told me a day or two...yeah. So then she tells me getting the sleep study sooner will not get me into surgery sooner.....omg did she not hear her own words???? So I decide to look around for another place...i find that my insurance covers a place an hour north...no problem its near my school. I call her back and she tells me that she "doubts the doc will give me a referral for that place" I inform her that i am going where the insurance pays it!!!!!! So two days later she calls the place and I get in...in two weeks. So now I def have it and nurse-zilla calls me to give me the results...."wow-this is the highest number I have ever seen" okay "what does this mean?' i ask, she comes back with "I don't know" OMG shoot me now please!! She has no clue about sleep apnea....so why is this woman with RN behind her name calling me?? At the very least I expect the person calling me and giving me all this info to know WTF she is talking about! So now I have an appt where she wants me to go...I call insurance and got the tax id for them..yay its covered. I call after its said and done because the tech tells me she is rushing this because of all the stars on my chart. Yay. I call nurse-zilla and she gets pissed "it takes 2 weeks you know" Ummm yes i do and explain to her again why I need it in Aug and why the doc starred my chart. So i call the sleep apnea place directly, its on the doctors desk....my doctor!!! Yeah i call back, I get the machine. Nurse zilla calls back to tell me that the doc will come in and it takes 10 days for the transcriber to type it. Ugh okay I am at her mercy I thank her and hang up! Now mind you I starte this lap band journey back in April and have had all my pre-op testing done. I need August because today was my last day of school and I start again on 8/28 but with 6 CLASSES!! I cannot miss that many classes I will be too far behind..3 psych classes and 3 education classes!!!! The doc knew this...they all did, and all promised me august. Okay so the doc calls me last night and tells me to call the surgeon in the morning and schedule my surgery....he faxed everything over...I call today and nope, nothing. I tell the receptionist about nurse-zilla (she was not surprised) and i tell her no way can i call that office back, but i did because the surgeons fax was down..lucky for me. So i call the pulm doc and leave a message for nurse-zilla and she informs me that she didn't know i had insurance and had to call them first.......OMG shoot me....no shoot her. I have never ever had problems with any doc anywhere but now i see how this crap happens. I can't believe she is a nurse, and doesn't know anything about what she is doing...oh and she is NOT new! Oh and guess what......my sleep number is a 7, which is not so high, so why the hell did she scare me like that a month ago and I haven't slept since then (except for the Mojito night...lol) I am not for wishing ill will on people.....this woman is gonna get hers via bad karma!!!! Oh yeah and last night I slept like a rock!!! :notagree yay (except hubby said i was having a big conversation in my sleep ugh) Oh yeah since the sleep apnea I have been sleeping on the couch (well laying down anyway) for fear of keeping hubby up all night with my tossing and turning. (he is roofing right now, don't want him to fall off due to lack of sleep!)
Bettina

Bettina

4
 

Going Crazy

:ermm Still haven't slept since last week...its killing me. But I know I will get it under control..still on for Tuesday's fitting. Discussed putting feathers on my mask with my sister (having a moment of insanity) she advised Rhinestones...LOL...I can always count on my sister to help me out of a funk. Ya ever hear anyone say that they would pinch you or stomp on your foot if you were saying that something hurts you? (you know ...my arm hurts...okay I'll stomp on your foot to make you forget about your arm....LOL) well, that is how I feel...the sleep apnea thing is making me forget that I was so ansy to get the banding! I had the strangest dream last night during one of my cat naps....I dreamt that the doctors office handed me this fancy envelope shaped like a pink pocketbook -even had a fancy handle on it, and I opened it up and it said that I was approved for surgery......LOL ! Maybe its a sign that I will def be approved...lol. (my sis would be proud of the pink pocketbook envelope...thats her speed, she is a total girly girl:cheer2: , I am more of the earthy one :hippie: ). I want to thank Teresita and MoOrLess for their comments of support to my last post....thanks so much you guys are great!!!!
Bettina

Bettina

3
 

Shoot me now....please!

I still haven't slept since the fitting!!!! I turned off the tv at 4:00am this morning...then laid there and listened to the neighbors fussing:confused: ...and then hubby came out and turned on the tv again!!! (i was on the couch) So he says "why are you up?" I remind him of the sleep apnea issue. And do you know what that darling man said to me???? "Well, you should get up and do dishes or clean something to expend all that energy you have." At that moment I realized that my husband is an alien:alien from some other galaxy!!! I said "hello...I want to relax so I can sleep." (expend all the extra energy.....my *bleep*!!!! So at 5:20am I decided to call the sleep apnea tech and ask if I can take Tylenol PM to help me sleep:notagree ....I don't really want to take a sleep aid for fear that I will be in a drug induced sleep and not be able to wake up. :cry But tylenol pm has a little sumpin sumpin to take the edge off...lol. She said yes!!! Yay....she said I was just nervous and that is why i couldn't sleep (which i knew). So tonight after I pick up my son from work (Shop-Rite) @9pm I will be taking Tylenol PM....so excited!!.........Whoo-Hoo!!!!:clap2:
Bettina

Bettina

2
 

I survived the Sleep Apnea "fitting"

Finally its over, I had my fitting last night. OMG I asked for the nose pillow head piece. And while it is skinny....I felt like Warf from Star Trek...big bumpy ridges along my nose. The air was doing 90 up my little nostrils...lol Okay so I calm down ---I put it on...sitting on the bed watching "Jaws". Its blowing air out the front like nobody's business....I am thinking hubby is gonna have a fit, I'll never be able to sleep in bed again!!! :notagree The worst part was the freezing. The tech told me it would be room temp air....umm no, my teeth froze, my nose froze, my ears were starting to ache.....and now I had to pee. (i never ever get up in the middle of the night for anything!!) The air was so fast that my cheeks were filling with air....for fun, I'd open my mouth and a big bunch of air came out...too funny. Twice the nose thingy's pressed against my cartiledge of my nose and the air stopped...lol. :painkiller: I was gonna call the tech, but she was watching me....lol. So she came in and gave me a plain hose with two little nose things...with a strap for my head. She put the humidifier on too. OMG I am cured (not really but you know what I mean) Finally found my C-Pap "happy place".:clap2: And, it doesn't make me sound like Darth Vader (like the first one did) I was laying in bed snickering like an idiot thinking "Luke, I am your father" Ugh. So the tech was really sweet and I was explaining "nurse-zilla" (prev Journal) to her and she said "you know what you are done with that...I am putting a rush on this and you'll be done....it says you need your surgery in August in your file, and we are gonna make it happen" OMG I wanted to cry!!! So they are reading the report asap...I will have my machine two days later and then I can call the doc and say.....Sign me up!! I am afraid that he might be booked for August:nervous ....so it has to be done early Sept before my classes are too hot and heavy into work. That should be that for the hurdles!!!:clap2:
Bettina

Bettina

2
 

No surgery for me

Well I am scheduled for surgery 9/25....but I can't do it. I have 4 classes on Mondays and Wednesdays...one night class on Tuesday....and a night on Thursday... at best I can only have surgery on a Thursday so I can be back to class on Monday.....only missing one class. Even hubby said no way to a Monday. Tutition is $10,000 a semester....i get too far behind, I am blowing it!!! Ugh I am so sad I feel like driving my car into a tree. Ugh, this was not supposed to be how it goes. I need help now, another semester, and I'll be another 100 lbs heavier...ugh i am gonna puke......why is this happening to me...I really am a nice person. :think
Bettina

Bettina

3
 

more on "VI"

VI called me today...(4pm-when my insurance is closed) ...she informs me that she faxed the info to my insurance and that she hasn't heard from them (not even 24 hrs mind you) and she has "done all I can do"....oh yeah forgot to say what "it" was....its my paperwork so insurance can approve my sleep apnea machine. Have they heard of VI before and knows how she works??? Hmmm. Anyway..."done all you can do"...think again VI...I need the machine.:laser: :ogre <----can you guess which one is me and which one is VI????????
Bettina

Bettina

1
 

Whoot Whoot!!!

:dance: :whoo: Yeah ..........my cpap machine is coming 10am in the morning!!!!!!:whoo::dance:
Bettina

Bettina

2
 

Someone please tell my why oh why did I read those memorials????!!!!

Okay so I cleaned out the car yesterday morning at 3am (see yesterdays journal) I stayed up longer and read those damn memorials that you see on OH.com........omg what was I thinking.....had a semi-bummer day because of it. Got me really thinking about the whole banding thing. I do realize most of those people who passed had a huge bmi and many co-morbidities....but it still makes ya wonder. One girl was in her 20's ...i forget her exact cause of death......but she must have had a vision or something (and I do believe in them from personal experience) she wrote a goodbye letter ...omg...she said goodbye to everyone .....and bam...she never came out of recovery!! There were a few who died of clots, but then again they had pretty high bmi's. One woman was incredibly heavy...waiting for approval...heart attack in her sleep---this is what I don't want, hence the idea to get banded. The truth be told about me....I am 100 lbs overweight....but I have not been heavy for too long. The real weight has only been a problem for the last hmmm...10 months. And, my weight is not all over...its my butt and my stomach....oh yeah and my legs....I can feel my ribs from the side....I have a waistline. Maybe this is why I am suddenly freaked out by all this. I also tried on my "monkey suit" that I will be wearing home from the hosp. well, I tried on my sister's suit, Mom is making one for me so I am comfy after surgery and I don't have to worry about the bra thing because its a one piece with a tank style top....totally spandex and extremely comfy..I will wear a plain t-shirt over it ...ahhhh i can still feel how good it felt to try it on. I tried it on so mom will know what size to make me. (same size -yea!) So maybe that is my whole issue, do I feel like I don't deserve the band? Maybe I should try harder to do this myself?? I have completely filled my obligation for surgery.....I just need the date from the doc......I have nothing holding me back...no more excuses. I have had surgery before 3-c's and a back surgery....and a few "lady procedures" that required being knocked out. I can do this....this should be easy. I have dieted many times before..lol back when i only had 25 lbs to lose.....i know the taste of diet food, there fore I have suffered. I say this because i know people who "just can't handle the taste" and I think, yeah, you have never truly suffered as a dieter...lol. I am not changing my mind about surgery. And frankly I am surprised at myself for even having these feeling (I am a control freak...sadly) Hmmm here is a thought....maybe I am just overtired!!!! (notice the time again!!) I just want to sleep! I want to be normal! On an upbeat note....I think i have mentioned that I have been sleeping on the couch because of my snoring and hubby is roofing and I don't want him to fall off the roof because my snoring has kept him from sleeping....well he told me yesterday that he wakes up every morning at 3am...he used to think it was me that woke him up.....but guess what I am not there....so yay for me I can go back to bed and feel semi-normal again! I will spend tonight as my last night on the couch because my 9 year old is on the other couch (too hot in her room) and I don't want to leave her alone out here. And if I go to bed now I risk waking him up trying to get into bed...we have a freakishly tall bed comes up to my belly...I am 5'6" (which i realize is not giant but I just want to say that its not like I am 4'11") Its so nice to have a journel to vent on! I have not told anyone in my everyday life any of this stuff, so its nice I can "share" online. Wow I am actually feeling sleepy now.....gonna hurry up and put my p.j.'s on! :clap2: wish me luck!
Bettina

Bettina

2
 

Okay now lets shoot my husband...lol

Don't get me wrong my DH is a nice guy however, he totally doesn't undertand what sleep apnea is or the fact that I didn't consiously choose to be fat!! He thinks I am tired because I am fat...and if I got up and got moving, fat would go away and I would not be tired. Okay and while I agree to this theory, it's just not that easy. He def doesn't want me banded. Too bad... I don't want to be fat anymore. He totally doesn't believe that sleep apnea makes you stop breathing..it does..hence the fact I am not tired because your body wakes up each time you stop breathing. When I sat down to write this, I was very upset, but now I have decided to fight fire with fire. I am gonna wear the apnea mask (as soon as I get it), I am going to have the lap banding......and I am going to lose all the weight and sleep at night, and then...............................I am gonna run him ragged. OMG I will never sit down and I will drag him with me so I can say "what do you think now?" maybe then, he will believe me!!!
Bettina

Bettina

2
 

Agghhhhh

Okay the Pulmonary Doc called today to discuss the outcome of my sleep apnea test 10 MINUTES BEFORE I GOT HOME TODAY....do you think any of my family members told me!!! No, I found out at 5:45pm......he called at 3:30pm...now ya know had they told me, I could have actually spoke to him and then called my surgeon to discuss my surgery date!!!!!! Agghhh they are all fired at my house.....no more message takers, they are slacking on me!:help: So now i have to wait till Monday and ya know I am gonna have to talk to nurse-zilla..........ugh shoot me now please:laser: :Cry: ....lol. :eek: To get even with my family i made sad "poopy" face for the rest of the day...lol :Banane20: Okay that was enough whining :faint: for now ......gonna go do my spanish homework. :ranger:
Bettina

Bettina

1
 

From bad to worse

I have been up since 6:45am......yesterday. This is frustrating. When my husband got up for work at 4:30am...I quick ran in the kitchen and pretended I was doing dishes. I will make it a point today to take a nap. I can't wait to get my sleep mask and get back to normal...ugh.
Bettina

Bettina

5
 

The Decision

Okay so as previously stated, I decided in April (2006) to do something about it (the dreaded pounds). I called my sister and asked her about her surgeon. She told me how to look him up online. I did:paranoid . I found his webinar. I tried to register online but they were having problems so I called him. I decided to at least go see the doc and see what he had to say :paranoid. Oh did I mention that I watched that webinar four times!!!:success1: ?? Yeah I wanted to know exactly what I was getting into :eek: . I decided on lapband surgery, it seems safer...just better all around. Plus recovery time is faster which is for me as I cannot miss too much school! And the weight loss is slower which is great for me also because I cannot afford to have surgery to remove excess skin :Banane20: . I called my husbands insurance to see if the doc and the procedure was covered...OMG it is:clap2: !!!! My first appt was April 24th... I was so excited! The doc said I was the perfect candidate...not too too heavy, no co-morbidities, and my age. so excited!! Gotta do the tests...no problem I'd do what ever they wanted to get this done. (the doc was impressed that I watched his webinar 4 times...lol)
Bettina

Bettina

3
 

Dreaming!

:notagree I must be back on the road to sleep because I had 2 dreams last night..yay! And, OMG the pulm doc finally called me, he told me I can go ahead and schedule surgery...he faxed the info to the doc, and to the cpap people so they get right here to give me the cpap:painkiller: !!! So tomorrow I call the surgeon!! I asked what my sleep number is and its 7....which happens to be my lucky number, but aside from that I feel better because the lowest number they use is 4....so I am only 3 over that.....not so terrible in the scheme of things!!!! So now comes the nervous part.....I have a battery of questions to ask the doc..............scary stuff I have read on the boards. But i myself have had 3 c-sections :omg: so I have had abdominal surgery before so there is a chance that I will not have all the terrible things happen to me as it has others. (also had back surgery and was shovelling the driveway 2 days later) (I am a really good surgery candidate--no prob with local or general!!!-and I heal really really well !!:clap2: )
Bettina

Bettina

2
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