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My biggest, most gigantic fears

Seventeen days to surgery.   I am excited -- the idea of eating a smaller than normal size meal and feeling full after - what a miracle for me! Reaching a point when I am not hungry ALL the time, even in the middle of the night, that would be amazing. I still cant grasp that one. Really? Not hungry? What does that feel like? Eventually buying cute clothes instead of whatever piece of fabric is least awful! Being able to move and be active, and have the energy to do it. There is a lot to look forward to!!!   And at the same time..... I am really afraid of some things as well. I am a single mom with four amazing kids. After my divorce, I have put them first above everything. I am a caretaker by nature. So it is easy for me to put everything into my kids, to volunteer with veterans, to be there for a friend. It is NOT so easy to take care of me first.   I worry about finances. I just lost a source of funding which will make grocery shopping very, very tricky. I worry about keeping my kids fed and healthy while buying all of this special stuff for me in the first month or so. And having the gas to drive an hour away from fills when I can barely maintain the gas to get to work and back.   I have to do this -- I know how incredibly important it is. I want to do this. I am just worried about all of the little details coming together or not.   LOL .... how is that for timing? Have to run now.... the alarm on my cell phone is screaming at me because it is time to take my meds for diabetes and high blood pressure. Yup, I even need a reminder to do that!:huh2:
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
 

Saw dietician today.........

........ for all of 20 minutes. I really expected so much more out of these pre-surgery appointments. Today, I got on their scale. SHe said I could have 1250 caleries per day -- one protein shake for breakfast, frozen meal for lunch and dinner (weight watchers, healthy choice, etc.) and 2 protein bars to be eaten in between meals.   She also gave me a sheet that detailed the range of calories/carbs/protein/fat I should be aiming for in each in order to meet the 1250 cal. requirement.   She reminded me about the water.... none during the meal, or for two hours afterward. She recommended I start trying to live up to that one now, rather than later.   That was it.   So, I start that on Monday, and will do that for about 10 days before I see the surgeon, then I have surgery a few days after seeing him...October 5. :tongue_smilie:
viking_girl

viking_girl

4
 

pre-op and my last hurrah that wasn't

So, two topics today because life has been nuts and I haven't had time to do this.   I had my pre-op class last week. I was so surprised when they said it would take all of three hours, barring any complications. And a little more than two hours of driving. Insane, huh? Otherwise, we got very brief presentations on diet, mental challenges (surgery is on your stomach, not on your brain!) etc.   I am grateful for the specific ideas on clear/full liquid diet suggestions. I am a low-income single mom with four growing kids who still need to eat, so my budget is extremely limited. With these ideas, I can start shopping a little at a time now and slowly build up my pantry/freezer.   Uggghh, the diet coke thing. I have had a few over the last few dates, both cases in extreme heat situations. I had been drinking ALOT of water, but really, the water just wasn't doing it for me.... maybe because I have been drinking it so long. It was also easy to justify, because I havent actually had the surgery yet, so I figure I have a little room to work with. A few over several days is still much better than a few in a day.... or a few before noon. 23 days until surgery. And the last big hurrah...... sigh. Here in my hometown there is a fabulous street festival every year that centers aroun the harvest of the most amazing peaches. It is right up their with Christmas in terms of favoritism for me. I purposely planned my surgery for after this date, which also roughly coincides withthe end of summer BBQs etc. I thought it would be so much easier to have the funnest things behind me for the year before I start this journey. But then....   Well, we did the parade, we did the burgers. Walked through the booths. We indulged in water and icees because it was so incredibly hot, and finally, yes, one diet coke. We went to the car show, the kids played at the park. We went home for dinner and R&R before returning for the carnival. THe numbers varied during the day....anywhere from 1-3 adults and 4-7 kids. With that many people, and in a huge crowd, it gets hard to do what every person wants to do. So, by the time we got all that in, the booths selling steaming hot, fresh peach cobbler had closed up shop. I was, of course, very disappointed. ANd at 11 p.m. in total and complete exhaustion, I couldn't figure out why I felt like it was such a big deal. I didn't remember, until about 4 a.m., that I had planned to make that cobbler be my last big hurrah before I start putting my health first above everything.   Not sure what I am going to do about that just yet. I see the dietician on Friday, so I have about a week before I start the low-cal pre-op diet. I was going to use that time to start cutting back on what I am eating so that next week isnt so painful.   I know all of these baby steps are quite necessary, but I am really starting to get a bit impatient. It is so much easier to just DO rather than think about what to do all the time. :thumbdown:       PS. Comments are always welcome!
viking_girl

viking_girl

3
 

Last Diet Coke was Monday night

That's good news isnt it? I thought it would take much longer than a week. I am really ready to just have this done. I have my pre-op appointment tonight and I am excited about it...all but the photo, lol. :thumbdown:
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
 

that crazy Diet Coke thing

Well, it has been a day, and I am getting ready to wind down for the night. And the funny thing is, I am not dying for my Diet Coke like I have been. It has been HOT so (flavored) water and the like have been OK with me. So far so good. I seriously thought I would be climbing walls by now. :thumbdown:
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
 

Baby steps

Several months ago, my parents dropped a bombshell on me.... they are paying for me to have the lapband. I am 37, diabetic, have high blood pressure, and I am single mom to four of the most amazing daughters ever. My grandmother died from complications of diabetes, and the memory of that just kills my dad.   In the meantime, I had a little ex-husband drama and I really just could not focus on anything else until that was resolved. Now that is behind me, here I am -- 30 days away from my surgery date.   Aside from scheduling all of the necessary appointments, I have starting cutting back on the Diet Coke during this last week. The first day was rough, but I am doing OK. I have gone from several bottles/cans, to one 8 ounce bottle each night at bedtime. I know, strange timing, but the caffeine doesnt bother me and after a night of hanging out with the girlies, it is how I wind down -- for now.   I will continue that this week, and try to cut it out entirely by the end of next week -- so that when I start my pre-op diet, "hopefully" the coke won't be such an issue.   In terms of food, it has been a period of "eat, drink and be merry." HOwever, in the last week, I have been somewhat more watchful about what I eat, and next week I will step it up and just be more diligent. But, I planned on waiting til this time of year because there is an annual festival here that I really wanted to enjoy.... along with many of the usual summertime treats. Next week, most of that will be behind me.   I am not real worried about the surgery at this point.... just anxious to get on my way.
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
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