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In Mourning

It has been SEVEN months, and I am still mourning the loss of my dear friend, DIET COKE. We were instant and loyal friends from the first drink, when I was 12 years old.   What I want more than ANYTHING right in this minute: A large, condensation covered glass full of ice cubes and brown, bubbly DIET COKE fizzing on my lip and burning down my throat.Want one SO SO BAD.   I miss my friend. I know the relationship was a bad one, I know that I am better off without it. But damn it, a cool glass of chemical- flavored tap water just does not off the same carbonation-filled satisfaction that Diet Coke gave me over the years.   I have never been tempted to go back.... just saying.... I still REALLY miss my Diet Coke. :thumbup:   :cool2:Have a Twitter account? Follow my rants, raves and successes at http://twitter.com/lifeafterband
viking_girl

viking_girl

13
 

Day after tomorrow

I went to see my surgeon on Wednesday, and Monday a.m. is the big day. I have to be at the surgical center at 7 in the morning, and it is just over an hour's drive without rush-hour traffic, so I will have to be up around 4:30 in the morning or so. It will be a long day!   I keep thinking of all the things that need to be done between now and then, so I haven't had time to worry a lot yet. I still have quite a bit of work to do so that my co-workers can complete my portion of the newspaper for me, need to do some laundry, and make a meal for my kids that my oldest daughter can just pop in the oven Monday evening. Oh yeah, and I need to try the ticker thing again!   I have had my gall bladder removed and that was a breeze, so I have high hopes for this one -- praying there are no complications with the band though -- as a single mom, I don't have time to deal with wierd stuff!   So, if all goes well, I will update Monday night/Tuesday morning.   :thumbup:
viking_girl

viking_girl

6
 

Stuck? Too tight? Not sure.

The last several days have been a little frustrating and I am not sure what is going on.   I hit the magic sweet spot 3-4 months ago and the weight loss was going perfect, with the exception of about a week's worth of hormones and water retention. Until..... mid May, I was expecting water retention and it didn't come. Instead, I started having issues with acid reflux. The nurse said I may have to have some fluid removed if it persists.   Since then, it seems like I am eating much less, get full much quicker, and when I do get full, I get this tightness in my chest, similar to an anxiety attack.   When I do manage to eat, I am full for hours and hours..... sometimes I can't even take a drink even 3-4 hours after a meal.   I have been giving it some time to see if all of these sudden changes were hormone related, but after a couple weeks, I am almost ready for that unfill. I am just scared, because I am finally to the point of being smaller than I have been in YEARS and I want to keep seeing progress.... I am scared of the progress stopping.   Is it normal for the sweet spot to become too tight? Or is this what it fills like to get stuck?   If I have to get an unfill, will I eventually be able to get the fluid put back in?         :thumbup: Follow me on Twitter.....http://twitter.com/lifeafterband
viking_girl

viking_girl

6
 

Yogurt hater

I hate yogurt. I mean, really hate it. Hate cottage cheese, buttermilk etc.... anything with that sour milk taste. Blech!!!!   But I keep hearing about greek yogurt and how high in protein it is.   Any ideas on things I can do with the yogurt to reap the benefits without gagging it down??
viking_girl

viking_girl

5
 

Good news/Bad news

OK... good news first...... 10 more pounds and I have made it to 100 pounds lost. I can do this!!   Bad news.... had 1 cc removed from my band today. It was so tight I couldnt get liquids down, and it is too hot to wait out the water retention cycle at the risk of dehydration. And I was stuck besides!! I do have to say it was a gigantic relief and the funniest thing was hearing the water gurgle from my pouch to the stomach..... kinda like when you unplug a drain!!   That will make the next 10 pounds a little tougher, especially because I would like it off in the next two weeks..... my original goal was to make 100 pounds before my boyfriend comes home from Alaska. But, he surprised me and he is coming home in 16 days.... a month ahead of his original schedule!!! So..... I will be working harder than ever at the gym in the next two weeks! Yikes!!!
viking_girl

viking_girl

5
 

Saw dietician today.........

........ for all of 20 minutes. I really expected so much more out of these pre-surgery appointments. Today, I got on their scale. SHe said I could have 1250 caleries per day -- one protein shake for breakfast, frozen meal for lunch and dinner (weight watchers, healthy choice, etc.) and 2 protein bars to be eaten in between meals.   She also gave me a sheet that detailed the range of calories/carbs/protein/fat I should be aiming for in each in order to meet the 1250 cal. requirement.   She reminded me about the water.... none during the meal, or for two hours afterward. She recommended I start trying to live up to that one now, rather than later.   That was it.   So, I start that on Monday, and will do that for about 10 days before I see the surgeon, then I have surgery a few days after seeing him...October 5. :tongue_smilie:
viking_girl

viking_girl

4
 

good news and bad

I was banded today, it went well but took forever coming out of anesthesia, so the stupid damn nurses just forced me into it and practically shoved me out the door -- didn't bother to make sure I could hold down liquids.   The bad news....my mom took my daughter to the doctor for me after spending the whole morning getting me to surgery and back. My little one has swine flu. My doc knew I was having surgery so he didn't want her home with me, so my mom has her. So my little one is really sick and she wants her mama and she is so so sad. I am incredibly sore right now and stressed to the max.:thumbup:
viking_girl

viking_girl

3
 

I dont feel so good today

And I cant put a finger on what exactly it is. Partly gas I think. The CO2 dissipated on the first day, but today I get these pains in my sides -- I can feel it moving upwards....a bit of belching, etc. Not sure what that is.   Also, feeling a little heavy in the chest today, and I have coughed up some thick green phlegm. I came home to two daughters with seine flu, so I am a little worried. I have asthma, very susceptible to bronchitis, and I cant cough this stuff out of the lungs right now. I have been taking airborne. I have a pot of water simmering on the stove, but my house is so big I am s=not sure how much that is helping.   I am feeling like I should be up and moving a little more today, but really,I am so sleepy -- I could easily take a nap! :biggrin:
viking_girl

viking_girl

3
 

Um.....help!? Fast......

So, I think I could have done a bad BAD thing tonight. SO um, what will happen if I have an insanely bad habit of swallowing my gum? Thank goodness it is a small piece, not a giant wad of bubble gum or anything.   I would even welcome text response on this one so I dont have to hover over the computer on this one!! 4352250049 ---   Thank you!!!
viking_girl

viking_girl

3
 

Losing the joy

I have ALWAYS loved food. Eating the food, smelling the food, tasting the food.... especially tasting. I often ate just because it tasted good. And if a little tastes good, then a lot tastes better. And I love cooking the food, too.   And then Lap-band happened.   DOnt get me wrong -- I love it -- best decision I ever made. I am doing less with it, more or less..... with the exception of the water retention thing.   But this is the thing..... I decided to make BBQ ribs for dinner tonight. I was so excited.... I love the smell of the ribs cooking... was going to call my boyfriend and invite him over...... but then I remembered the Lap-band issues I have been having this week. And then all of the joy in preparing a nice Sunday meal for my family were just DASHED. I mean, why get all excited about it when I will be able to eat next to none of it?   Lately is just a giant build-up to a great big let-down. And the sad thing is -- I HAVE To cook. I can't just not feed my family. I still need to get my calories in because that does me no good either.   Even my favorite restaurant is no good anymore. I went a couple nights with my brother and our families.... spending time with him while he is home from Afghanistan for a bit. I ate 3-4 chips, 1 french fry, and maybe three bites of my chile verde. And then spent the rest of the night in the backroom throwing up.   And here is the kicker.   My SIL just called... the fam wants to go back to same restaurant today. I dont even dare try to eat. Not even a little bit. Probably shouldnt even go. But it is so rare that I get to do anything with ALL of my family, that I Will go. Even if I don't order.     And really, WHY does every thing we do have to revolve around food? I mean, couldnt wee go mini golfing or something??   Guess that means I dont have to cook ribs today, huh?
viking_girl

viking_girl

3
 

Long overdue update..... many changes!!

It has been 3 months since I posted, and you would just never believe all that has happened!!!   First off, I am only down two pounds from my last post. Remember, had just had 1 cc removed. Since then, most if that has been replaced, but it has been this cycle of gain-lose-gain-lose. SO.... still 8 pounds to go to reach that 100 pound mark.   But, I have been a little distracted.... that Marine of mine came home from Alaska EARLY.... he got home August 5 and I had an engagement ring on my hand August 7!! :wub:   We planned a whirlwind wedding so that my kids could start in their new schools at the beginning of the school year, so the wedding was August 28 and I wore a size 18 wedding dress!!! I will have to figure out how to post some pictures. :smile:   Since then, it has been just craziness..... moving from my large home to his small home, putting lots into storage for now. He is renovating another home for us, so we will be moving again next summer.   Last week was my first time back to the gym in all the chaos. I am back down to the beginning..... 15 minutes on the elliptical, went just three days last week. :thumbup:   Going to try and bump it up in the next two weeks because I really want that 8 pounds GONE. I am at a point now that I desperately need to reach that goal and feel good about it.... struggling a bit here.   SO there you have it...... eight pounds in the next two weeks, hoping-hoping-hoping!!!!
viking_girl

viking_girl

3
 

April Weigh-in

SO today was the day and I have been looking forward to it.   When I went in March, I had set a goal for around 8-10 pounds, because then I would have hit the 50 pound mark. I had been working out at the gym every day, had good restriction, and it just seems like there should have been no problem reaching that goal. ANd then, the hormones went nuts, I started retaining water, which makes me really tight. So last month, I lost 6 pounds and missed my goal. I was just mad about it. I mean, two lousy pounds after all that hard work?   So, I have been working HARDER. HAd the same water retention issues this time, but was lucky to see that go away a few days before the weigh-in.   I got in teh car early this morning, drove more than an hour to get to the clinic, got on the happy little scale, and what do you know...... 11 pounds. I am pleased with that.   So today, the grand total is 58.5 pounds lost..... from 311 to 252.5...... BMI is 42 and steadily dropping.   I am just thrilled to finally get a good number that is indicative of the effort I have been putting into this. Because let me tell you, even when your brain can rationalize it and say it is just the hormones, just the water, there is still the alter ego that wants that magic number on the scale to be a good one.
viking_girl

viking_girl

3
 

Frustrated

I had to go for an unfill today. I understand this happens. But I am having to face the fact that I may not get the restriction I want, period.   I hit my sweet spot early in the spring and did very well for several months. But then suddenly, I was tight and had to have 1 cc removed. Over time, we put it back in and I just barely started losing again.   I had .75 removed today. It seem s my stomach is quite sensitive to hormone changes and stress. So, when my hormones go crazy, I get SO tight. Stress=tight. My hormones are all over the place and can be elevated for 2-3 weeks at a time. Randomly. SO it isnt easy to predict and work around.   So maybe the better approach to is seek less restriction, to give myself more flexibility for this sort of thing.   I realize I will still have SOME restriction, so I am still better off than no band at all. I have been going to the gym again, so I just have to work harder.   And yet---- SO FRUSTRATED because I have lost 95 pounds as of today.   5 more pounds to first 100 lost 16 pounds to go and I will be under 200. I havent been that small since my first baby. Who will graduate from high school this year, by the way.   But for now, I can drink without vomiting. That is something.
viking_girl

viking_girl

3
 

pre-op and my last hurrah that wasn't

So, two topics today because life has been nuts and I haven't had time to do this.   I had my pre-op class last week. I was so surprised when they said it would take all of three hours, barring any complications. And a little more than two hours of driving. Insane, huh? Otherwise, we got very brief presentations on diet, mental challenges (surgery is on your stomach, not on your brain!) etc.   I am grateful for the specific ideas on clear/full liquid diet suggestions. I am a low-income single mom with four growing kids who still need to eat, so my budget is extremely limited. With these ideas, I can start shopping a little at a time now and slowly build up my pantry/freezer.   Uggghh, the diet coke thing. I have had a few over the last few dates, both cases in extreme heat situations. I had been drinking ALOT of water, but really, the water just wasn't doing it for me.... maybe because I have been drinking it so long. It was also easy to justify, because I havent actually had the surgery yet, so I figure I have a little room to work with. A few over several days is still much better than a few in a day.... or a few before noon. 23 days until surgery. And the last big hurrah...... sigh. Here in my hometown there is a fabulous street festival every year that centers aroun the harvest of the most amazing peaches. It is right up their with Christmas in terms of favoritism for me. I purposely planned my surgery for after this date, which also roughly coincides withthe end of summer BBQs etc. I thought it would be so much easier to have the funnest things behind me for the year before I start this journey. But then....   Well, we did the parade, we did the burgers. Walked through the booths. We indulged in water and icees because it was so incredibly hot, and finally, yes, one diet coke. We went to the car show, the kids played at the park. We went home for dinner and R&R before returning for the carnival. THe numbers varied during the day....anywhere from 1-3 adults and 4-7 kids. With that many people, and in a huge crowd, it gets hard to do what every person wants to do. So, by the time we got all that in, the booths selling steaming hot, fresh peach cobbler had closed up shop. I was, of course, very disappointed. ANd at 11 p.m. in total and complete exhaustion, I couldn't figure out why I felt like it was such a big deal. I didn't remember, until about 4 a.m., that I had planned to make that cobbler be my last big hurrah before I start putting my health first above everything.   Not sure what I am going to do about that just yet. I see the dietician on Friday, so I have about a week before I start the low-cal pre-op diet. I was going to use that time to start cutting back on what I am eating so that next week isnt so painful.   I know all of these baby steps are quite necessary, but I am really starting to get a bit impatient. It is so much easier to just DO rather than think about what to do all the time. :thumbdown:       PS. Comments are always welcome!
viking_girl

viking_girl

3
 

Blood sugar readings

WOw, tonight they were in the 120's. It has been a long time since that happened. But then, that is what a clear liquid diet will do for you, right? I am so not complaining!:biggrin:
viking_girl

viking_girl

2
 

I hit a bump today

and I am trying desperately not to cave. I got busy this afternoon, and forgot about my lunch. When I remembered, it was too late....time to run around and gather up kids so I can spend one hour with them before I go back to work for a meeting.   RIght now, I feel like HELL because it is 6 p.m. and I am starving. I was supposed to eat at 2, snack at 5. DInner at 8. BUt I will be in that meeting until 9-10.   So the whole idea of trying to maintain an even blood sugar is shot today.... will try and inhale something here in a sec....but I feel like crap, I am stressed to the max, I have a headache and I have to go back to work. This would be the time when --in the old life -- I would have grabbed a diet coke and a cupcake or two and called it good.   I am trying to do the right thing..... but did I tell you I feel like HELL???? Like I want to crawl in a cave. And I am trying so hard not to cheat on this diet.   But it is a really long time til breakfast tomorrow.
viking_girl

viking_girl

2
 

First major pay-off

I was banded October 5, and so far, I have lost 58.5 pounds. Two months ago, I started going to the gym every day. I started seeing someone in December and he has been so incredibly supportive of the Lap-BAnd, never even flinched when I told him about it.   He and I went on our first weekend get-away this weekend. Friday and SUnday were mostly packing, unpacking driving etc. But Saturday..... he spent some time with his buddies in the morning while I went four-wheeling with my camera. Then, in the afternoon, we went hiking. We walked, we climbed rocks, we hiked, up hills and down hills... we just went exploring and I so enjoyed the time with him.   But even more, I loved being ABLE to do those things with him. My fitness has improved SO MUCH. I would have never been able to do all that last year.   And just think .... the summer is only just beginning!
viking_girl

viking_girl

2
 

Two months post-op and thriving

It just is amazing - I feel like a normal person for probably the first time ever. I can eat a "normal" amount and I am satisfied with that.   I lost my job a week ago, and there has been some stress eating with that, but even so, I have continued to lose weight.   On the scale this morning, I hit 265, down from 311 before surgery. I am wearing clothes I haven't worn for a long time and it is so cool.   Before I run out of money, I am going to get a pass to the gym so I can burn off the nervous energy there -- may as well take advantage of unemployment while I can.   And, I have a new favorite breakfast!!! Someone gave me a giant box of apples, so I made homemade applesauce with them -- a chunky applesauce. I heat up 1/2 cup in the microwave, and top with 1/4 cup granola. This morning was the organic blueberry with flax from Target. YUMMY!!! :thumbup:
viking_girl

viking_girl

2
 

May's Weigh-in

This month was a tough one and it shows. I weighed in on Friday and my weight-loss for the month was just five pounds. I know that is still a perfectly acceptable number, and I know how hard this month was, so I am trying not to beat myself up over it. But I can help but be disappointed.   The big thing is that my boyfriend is working out of state for 3 1/2 months. While he is gone, I plan to occupy my time without him by reaching one or maybe two major milestones. With a 29 pound weighloss, I will have lost 100 pounds total. But if I step it up a notch, and shoot for 41 pound weightloss, then I will be under 200 pounds for the first time in probably 15-16 years. So.... five pounds toward that goal. NOt bad. BUt it could have been better.   So... what was the issue. The hardest thing was the water retention. It was just flat out strange this time. I had a hard time with food, and sometimes struggled with liquid. The weird part is that I suddenly started experiencing acid reflux. After about two weeks, I was finally ready to go for an unfill when suddenly one day I went to the gym, I was down five pounds, I could eat, and the acid reflux went away. Which says to me.... water retention hit me again.   During this two weeks, I drank a lot of liquids. Some protein shakes, some flavored waters, a lot of chocolate milk and juice. I was trying to keep my blood sugar up. But I think there is every possibility that I drank too many calories?   I also had a very busy couple of weeks..... getting boyfriend ready for Alaska, spending all the time I could with him, and after he left...... working, taking care of my house, his house, the house we just bought, the veggie garden..... the kids just got out of school for the summer.... so it has been a little nuts around here. Which means some days my workouts are a little bit of yardwork. And I am the kind of person who doesn't lose weight without 5 days in the gym.   Those are the two biggest things I can identify. So..... this week, I am trying to get my life back to normal, which means all five days at the gym. And, I will try to increase my water consumption. That is super hard for me because I really hate water. That will only help slightly with the water retention, but I can't do much about the hormones.   My next weigh-in is July 9.....four weeks. This is another thing..... need to keep my eye on the next four weeks only.... not the 15 until the boyfriend comes home. Just four.
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
 

May's weigh-in..... and ACID!!

OK... the good news is I lost 12 pounds this month. I am happy with that. My grand total is 71 pounds lost. I am down to 240..... haven't been that low in ages and I am really looking forward to next month's weigh-in.   Maybe.   For the last three nights, I have been waking up in the night, coughing, sputtering, my throat burning... it has been awful. The nurse said I may have to have a tiny bit of fluid taken out if it persists. Why would all be perfectly fine for several months then suddenly be too tight? I usually only feel tight when it is PMS time... then I get a lot of water retention and have to stick to liquids and soft stuff for a few days.   And... yesterday.... I might have been stuck, but I am not sure. All I know is I was a little tight in the morning, like normal. Doing well at lunch time..... but right after lunch just felt overly full..... achy in my chest, pain in the boob...... everything hurt all the way through to my back. I did OK with water late in the afternoon if I took it slowly, but didn't handle dinner well at all... had only about 4 bites of lasagna... I felt crappy all night, until 1130, when I finally just threw up..... then I was up a couple hours later with the acid.   So... weigh0in was nice, but jeez, what the hell is all this other stuff all of a sudden?   I am headed to my boyfriend's soon for the evening.... he is always so sweet to cook for me... I just hope I can handle a bit of food tonight.
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
 

Baby steps

Several months ago, my parents dropped a bombshell on me.... they are paying for me to have the lapband. I am 37, diabetic, have high blood pressure, and I am single mom to four of the most amazing daughters ever. My grandmother died from complications of diabetes, and the memory of that just kills my dad.   In the meantime, I had a little ex-husband drama and I really just could not focus on anything else until that was resolved. Now that is behind me, here I am -- 30 days away from my surgery date.   Aside from scheduling all of the necessary appointments, I have starting cutting back on the Diet Coke during this last week. The first day was rough, but I am doing OK. I have gone from several bottles/cans, to one 8 ounce bottle each night at bedtime. I know, strange timing, but the caffeine doesnt bother me and after a night of hanging out with the girlies, it is how I wind down -- for now.   I will continue that this week, and try to cut it out entirely by the end of next week -- so that when I start my pre-op diet, "hopefully" the coke won't be such an issue.   In terms of food, it has been a period of "eat, drink and be merry." HOwever, in the last week, I have been somewhat more watchful about what I eat, and next week I will step it up and just be more diligent. But, I planned on waiting til this time of year because there is an annual festival here that I really wanted to enjoy.... along with many of the usual summertime treats. Next week, most of that will be behind me.   I am not real worried about the surgery at this point.... just anxious to get on my way.
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
 

My biggest, most gigantic fears

Seventeen days to surgery.   I am excited -- the idea of eating a smaller than normal size meal and feeling full after - what a miracle for me! Reaching a point when I am not hungry ALL the time, even in the middle of the night, that would be amazing. I still cant grasp that one. Really? Not hungry? What does that feel like? Eventually buying cute clothes instead of whatever piece of fabric is least awful! Being able to move and be active, and have the energy to do it. There is a lot to look forward to!!!   And at the same time..... I am really afraid of some things as well. I am a single mom with four amazing kids. After my divorce, I have put them first above everything. I am a caretaker by nature. So it is easy for me to put everything into my kids, to volunteer with veterans, to be there for a friend. It is NOT so easy to take care of me first.   I worry about finances. I just lost a source of funding which will make grocery shopping very, very tricky. I worry about keeping my kids fed and healthy while buying all of this special stuff for me in the first month or so. And having the gas to drive an hour away from fills when I can barely maintain the gas to get to work and back.   I have to do this -- I know how incredibly important it is. I want to do this. I am just worried about all of the little details coming together or not.   LOL .... how is that for timing? Have to run now.... the alarm on my cell phone is screaming at me because it is time to take my meds for diabetes and high blood pressure. Yup, I even need a reminder to do that!:huh2:
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
 

that crazy Diet Coke thing

Well, it has been a day, and I am getting ready to wind down for the night. And the funny thing is, I am not dying for my Diet Coke like I have been. It has been HOT so (flavored) water and the like have been OK with me. So far so good. I seriously thought I would be climbing walls by now. :thumbdown:
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
 

Start pre-op diet today

I am not far into it - it is almost 10 a.m. I was advised to practice the whole water thing - not drinking for two hours after. That is the hardest part -- I am thirsty more than hungry.   This morning was so-so... I wasn't starving, just had the dry-heaves because I was so super hungry. I normally get that way when my sugar is low, except that my fasting blood sugar is not under control -- it was 165 this morning.   We'll see how the day goes! ________________________   Yeah! I did it!!!! By lunchtime, I was so excited for any food at all that I could have licked the gravy from the plastic food tray. But you know -- at work and all -- it wouldn't be proper. By the time I got home, I had the dry heaves again. Ugh - it is hard to not eat when my kids eat, but I have scheduled my meals in 3 hour increments to keep my blood sugar as level as possible. Thank goodness for the 2 hr premiere of HOUSE -- that was a great diversion!! And Biggest Loser tomorrow night... that will keep me going for another day!
viking_girl

viking_girl

1
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