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Finding myself for the first time

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Back home

Our flight coming home was delayed and we didn't get home until 2 a.m. We upgraded to first class at the last minute - What a difference! Totally worth it in every way.   So, I'm banded. I'm gasy. I have pressure every time I drink something that feels like I want to puke, but its just air - a horrible uncomfortable burp - that takes forever to come out, my tummy is tender and I haven't had a bite of solid food since the 15th of August - and I'm LOVING EVERY MINUTE. I know these uncomfortable feelings are temporary and I know I'll be able to take an actual bite of something in a few weeks.   Going to Mexico to be banded was one of the best "vacations" I've had.   Upon arrival in San Diego (late again) - My DH and I were greeted by a man holding a sign "Cindy S Dr. Ortiz". I have always wanted to come off a plane to be greeted by a guy with a sign like that! Seriously - so I knew our trip was off to a good start.   We collected our baggage and two more patients and headed off to Mexico.   I don't know exactly what I was expecting at the border, but what I saw was a shock to my preconcieved notion of Mexico. There were dirty sidewalks, cars that could barely stay on the road, bright colors and policia with GREAT BIG GUNS! I was thinking "Holy Crap, what did I get myself into??"   We drove to the clinic where all the pre-operative testing was done on the patients scheduled for surgery the following day. There was a lot of waiting and I was hungry. I felt a little foggy, unsure of myself, as if I was in a dream.   Pre-op testing was done by about 12:30 p.m. (after a 10 a.m. arrival) and the first thing on my mind *after learning I had indeed lost 12 lbs preop* was food!!   The shuttle took us to the hotel Lucerne. It was nice and the hospitality of the employees was wonderful, but all I was thinking about was, "where are we going to get lunch?"   DH and I opted for a local Mexican *duh* eatery. It was across the street from the hotel. At first this seemed like a simple undertaking, just meander across the street to get a bite to eat. We walked out to the tangle of traffic coming and going in all dirctions in a huge 4 lane roundabout. We stood at the corner...and didn't move. The term "Frogger" comes to mind....Traffic was crazy. We took deep breaths and made a run for it!   We made it safely. Lunch was fantastic, authentic and spicy! Just how I like it.   After lunch came a long liesurley walk to the shopping center (an outdoor mall) and then a relaxing swim in the hotel pool.     We then met with another patient and her friend for a wonderful Mexican seafood dinner at Los Arcos. The day had been wonderful and I tried not to be nervous about the upcoming surgery.   I found out that DH couldn't stay over night with me in the surgery center. I started to wig out a little bit. I also found out they were picking up patients before SO so I'd be arriving without him as well. Dang! And I thought it was him who was codependant!   Arrival at the surgery center was uneventful. We were picked up at 8 a.m. from the hotel by the surgon's mother. Now SHE has a cush job! Pick people up and drop them off in her leather, loaded BMW - off work by 3 p.m. Looks like her son has taken very good care of Momma.   After waiting for the previous day's patient's to be discharged, each patient was shown to their room and promptly given some pills - probably to ensure we were relaxed. The Spanish Speaking Nurse "Jusa" and her partner in crime helped me with surgery stockings and placed my IV. (The first IV attempt has me more bruised than the 2nd one.)   Then there was more waiting. DH watching TV. I finally told the Spanish Speaking Nurse I had to pee. Little did I know it was my turn for surgery and she told me "A kiss" translation "give your husband a kiss, your going under!!"   I walked to the bathroom. Went pee unbanded for the last time and walked into the surgery room. Climbed up on the bed and they started to strap me down. (not as scary as it sounds) Music was playing - I can only remember that it was American Music. The Anestesiologist was there and proceeded to knock me out. I think he asked me something like "Is this ok" and I replied "Like I have a choice?" and that was the last thing I remember.   I woke up still in the surgery room. Freaking out because I felt work still being done on me...I'm sure it was minor, but holy shit, it hurt! I started wiggling my left hand and moaning so they knew I was waking up. They seemed to know this already and remained calm...more than I can say for myself at the time! They finished up what they were doing, took atvantage of me being semi coherant and had me help move my body onto another bed - my bed from the room.   (I asked around later and I think I was the only one who was awake BEFORE leaving the room - )   Then I was out again. I remember an oxygen mask on my face. I remember telling DH I was in pain. I remember the Spanish Speaking Nurse giving me something in my IV for pain.   Actually the rest of the night was pretty blurry. I did get up and walk after a few hours of rest. I remember being on the internet and chatting with other patients but its all very blurry.   I finally slept. It was late morning when the shuttle took us back to the hotel. I didn't wan't to sleep the day away so 4 of us went shopping at "Revolution" - which translated means "the-fastest-way-to-get-gringos-to-part-with-hard-earned-dollars-for-cheap-trinkets-hecho-in-mexico."   It works too!! But seeing the sights and sounds were great. I wasn't in a lot of pain and I wasn't hungry so the Churros and free samples of Tequila didn't bother me too much! If I had it to do again however I would go there BEFORE surgery!   It was a great trip. I made new friends and enjoyed myself. It really felt more like a vacation than a medical trip.
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

My progress

My weight loss has stopped - I haven't measured yet - in a few days I will, but since I'm all healed and I've been consuming more calories I've just been bouncing back and forth on a few pounds 233-236 (still better than 255!~).   I have been a little irresponsible with my food choices - not keeping as low carb as I should - not too bad, but obviously it's affecting my weight loss. My portions are larger than right after surgery (duh) but not nearly where they were pre-op. I think I'm just not going to be able to postpone a fill - I'll get it done in a week or so and start fresh from that point.   I've heard it said that the first 6 weeks is for healing and not to worry about weight loss during that time (rrriiiiiiiight!) so I am not beating myself up too bad.   I landed my dream job - and start on Monday - the place I'll be working has an on site gym. My plan is to work out at my lunch break. Whoohoo. I'm moving out of sales into account management - for auto dealerships with search engine marketing accounts. Great pay and benefits - my first "corporate-type" job. No weekends.
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

Water...

Water. I know I'm not drinking enough of it. My pee is too dark. I don't know how I'm going to get all I need in right now. I'm trying, but the gas pain when I drink anything is unbearable and I can't drink when I'm in that pain. I did have the mother of all burps last night - GOD it was better than SEX and I do seem to feel better today; but I haven't tried anything but water this morning.   My tummy is still very tender. Liquid Tylenol helps (and it tastes great too...mmmm cherry!) I started my period on top of everything else...dang that is the one thing I haven't heard mentioned in any of the books I've been reading...."Your period and healing from WLS" Nope, not in any of the books....   I did finally have a small BM this morning. Dang that felt good too. Just a mental relief more than anything. Yesterday I started drinkig an Atkins shake and I am still working on it this morning. I feel I need protein and I know I'm not getting it right now. I'm probably worried for no reason. It's only been 6 days...   I'm planning on returning to work tomorrow. Not excited about it, but I have to make some money!!
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

Going for try #2

Since my last fill was unsucessful I have another scheduled for the 18th. I'm toning up good with all the walking I've been doing - rushing for public transportation - I'm hoping that is enough to make this fill sucessful.   My fellow bandster (banded on the same day) has already had two fills! I feel good about my progress, but knowing the holidays are coming, I'd rather have better restriction! This may be my first holiday in a very long time where I LOSE rather than gain the weight!   Also, just an FYI for anyone needing fills in NW Washington area....My fill center just launched an information site. www.northwestfills.com
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

Day 8 - dopamine and sex

I was reading that "dopamine" is the brain trigger in the "reward center" of our brains. Now I don't really know what the heck that means except that it happens when I eat - its only common sense - I enjoy eating therefore my brain puts out "dopamine" when I do.   So, I got to thinking, I just need to have that happen in some other way - besides food especially when I get banded. So I told my husband that sex also triggers dopamine. He smiled. I didn't use the treadmill last night - traded that excercise for *ahem* something else....I'm not a big sex fiend, but hey if it keeps me out of the fridge...why not!   Speaking of the fridge, I have this "middle of the night" eating thing I do. :hungry: I'm worried about how that is going to be impacted with the band. I get up, I eat, and go back to bed. I guess I'll have to put a lock on the kitchen area or something!   As I feel asleep :notagree last night I was "on the table" being put under for surgery, but I wasn't all they way out - I was terrified the Dr. was going to cut me and I'd still feel it.....My subconsious trying to tell me something.....hmmm.
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

Regret, shame

Damn, damn, damn. I completely overate last night. I had a bunch of food I shouldn't have eaten - I'm talking Doritos with salsa and sourcream. I tell my husband not to buy those kind of snacks - we usually NEVER have junk-snacky-food in the house - THIS is exactly why. I sometimes lose control and am just like "I WANT THAT" and I eat, eat, eat.   I feel shame, guilt. I want my fill to be successful - not to say "the fill will fix me" but just to give me that greater restriction and keep me full longer. Lately I've been ravenous - even after eating. An hour or two later, I'm very hungry.
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
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