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LittleBird's Journal

A blog by LittleBird

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Finding myself for the first time

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Yessss!

Ok. so everyone around me is giving me that "I'm so sorry" bit, but truthfully I'm fine with the fact that breads are giving me grief! I can't eat much these days and I've experienced my first PBs. In spite of that - this is what I've signed up for! Not being able to eat much plus the stuff that is really bad for weight loss - HELLO - I can't eat it!! Whoohooo is what I say! I'm so thankful I got my first fill. I wanted to be sure I got that fill BEFORE the holidays and I did!

November 26, 2006

2

Day one - Lose weight and quit smoking, FUN

I scheduled surgery yesterday with Dr. Ortiz in Mexico. I'm scheduled for Aug. 16th. I booked airline tickets for me and hubby last night after work. I paid my deposit. There is no turning back now! Since I need to lose 10lbs before the surgery date, I figured I might as well get started so today I'm reverting back to Atkins low carb eating. Much to my suprise I was told you can't smoke 2 weeks before the surgery. GREAT! Quit smoking AND lose 10 lbs. I guess if I'm going to quit, this is the best time since my focus is on weight LOSS at the same time. I did warn my hubby that I might be bitchy though! I'm feeling scared, a little Foggy - like "I'm just moving forward" can't over think it. I know it'll be a great decision and I have to trust my instinct. I'm sad thinking of the foods I won't be able to enjoy - like those flaky dinner rolls that come in a can..... I weighed yesterday. I'm at a whopping 255. I HATE that, but I can rest assured this will be my highest weight and I'm never going back there!

July 20, 2006

2

Everything is relative isn't it?

Here is a thought - last time I weighed 233 I was on the way UP and I felt horrible about my body - this time I'm on the way DOWN and that SAME body feels great to me, my attitude is wonderful, I walk with more confidence, style my hair in the morning instead of putting it in a clip... It helps me understand and really SEE that its all about perspective. Same body - entirely different attitude.

September 12, 2006

2

Going in

Im in Mexico since yesterday. WHAT an experience! Waiting for the van to take the group of us to the clinic for surgery today. Feeling jittery, nervous, and good all at the same time. I will post again after surgery!!

August 16, 2006

2

Day 2 - real people!

I had the wonderful opportunity to go to a very local support group yesterday - just a couple of miles from the house! I called my primary Dr. today to make sure I'm "good to go". She's on vacation, wouldn't you know it, but the RN is going to have her call me when she gets back next week. The RN at the support group said it was a good idea to rule out anything that might present complications BEFORE going to Mexico. It's good advice and something I wouldn't have thought of on my own. I'm very excited to have a support group of real live and in person people to ask questions of, meet, and talk to. Hubby went with me as well and I think it helped put him at ease. I started the low carb yummy Atkins diet (I'm being a little sarcastic as I was on the diet for a year and I am no longer fond of all those greens daily) for real yesterday to help with my pre-op weight loss. I'd like to lose 12 lbs as that is 5% of my total body weight. I figure anything I lose now will just get me that much closer to my goal after the surgery. I talked to my step mom yesterday - who is a nurse - and she didn't give me the ration of shit my dad did. I know they are both just worried about me and want me to be "ok" but they aren't in my flesh and I hate feeling like I have to justify my decision to them. The conversation went ok - she said half of her coworkers (at the hospital) have had the surgery. She also said she thinks the ones who have the best success use high end liquid multi vitamins including B. I'll have to check that out.

July 21, 2006

2

Day 4 - McDonalds

Hubby and I went to Wal-Mart today to buy some stuff for the pool (it turned green overnight) and Atkins shakes - Wal-Mart is the cheapest place I know to buy them! While there, my husband, who is diabetic, said "I have to get something to eat". There is a 24 hour McDonalds inside Wal-Mart - go figure. Sitting in McDonalds - (the side salad tastes like plastic by the way) I looked around. There was a woman there in a mobile shopping cart - very obese. My heart went out to her. I realized how lucky I am to be able to give myself this gift. An opportunity for a new, healthier me. I realize not everyone is able to or even knows that there are options for themselves. I weighed this morning - I know, I know...but I'm eager to see SOME results - and it looked like I was down 3 lbs. I'll weigh again tommorrow to be sure. My husband realized today that when I'm banded I won't be able to drink carbonated beverages - he was upset about that. I'm not sure why. I told him he could drink whatever he wanted, but he said he would feel guilty about it. I reminded him that soda wasn't healthy anyway....

July 24, 2006

2

Day 5 - the treadmill

I've been faithfully doing the low carb diet - the one I love - for a week or two anyway - until anything green makes me want to run and hide! The good news is I've lost 5 lbs in the few days I've been doing it. Considering that is the first time the scale has moved THAT direction in about 6 months, thats a real high for me. Taking in less carbs I feel my energy slowing coming back...Enought that I dusted off my treadmill and took a "walk" last night. Did just over a mile - slowly so as not to overdo it - overall with warm up and warm down I walked about 27 minutes. Now the trick is to keep that up -every day! My dad is having a breakdown about the surgery. He is sending me some article from USA today. I looked it up online. It's an article primarly about Gastric Bypass surgery that is based on old data and stats. I don't need his approval, but his attitude is frustrating. If I had cancer would he tell me not to do chemo?? I don't think he realizes LapBand and Gastric Bypass are totally different things.

July 25, 2006

2

Whew

Thank goodness the journals are back....I can rest better at night now. I'll write more later, just wanted to check in with the LBT world again.

September 27, 2006

2

Day 6 - fear and cake

I have 21 days to surgery and I'm scared. Fear is the body's way to keep change at bay - we get comfortable in every sense of the word and change is a threat. I know this. I'm not going to give in to fear. Some one said having LapBand is like "freedom" and thats what I'm going to believe. Having already lost some weight - I think "I can just do this on my own" but then I remember how many times I've been down that road and it all comes back. I went to AA last night - haven't been in a while. Someone suggested I should tell my sponsor my plans, so I went with that in mind. I was pushed away - for real, not just my perception. I was told "don't let life get in the way of AA". Wow. That was the last place I expected to be judged for not meeting someone elses expectations. It's ok. I'll get my support elsewhere. On another note - they had cake - very moist yummy cake - I thought "I can't eat that!!", but then I had a celebration of sorts. I decided this may very well be the last cake I ever eat. I took the smallest piece and savored every bite - cream cheese frosting and rasperries with chocolate....I told myself to feel no guilt and just enjoy the flavor knowing it was the last for a very long time. So I did. I feel strong in my decision (in spite of fear) and every time I think about it - it comes in flashes of excitement and anticipation throughout the day - I get that little jolt of adreneline...you know the one??

July 26, 2006

2

Took a SLOOOW walk

Hopped gingerly on the treadmill tonight. I walked ALMOST a half mile in 18 minutes. Not pushing it, just getting back in the "saddle" so to speak and trying to get rid of the gas. It didn't work. I had another small BM today. I know no one wants to hear that, but I'm just trying to keep a record. I ventured outside of the clear liquid paramaters since it's day 6 and it's allowed. I'm going to keep a food log with my journal. For breakfast I had about 3 ounces of Atkins Shake. Mid morning I had the very runny yolk of a soft boiled egg. Lunch time I had about 2 ounces of very thin cream of wheat with butter and splenda. Dinner I had about 3 ounces of blended split pea soup watered down. I drank about 20 ounces of water today but it was hard. That's more than I have been and my pee is more light but I know it's still not enough. Each time I put anything into my mouth I get pressure and painful gas. I just can't burp for some reason. I'm walking....I hope it will pass soon.

August 22, 2006

2

Day 7 - commitment and peaches

I got my loan docs today. I realize I paid a deposit and purchased airline tickets, but in the back of my head, I keep saying - if I change my mind, it'll be ok - not too much money on the line....with these loan docs I'm commiting 100%. Signing and going to get copies of everything to fax then overnight to them. Not having the highest credit score (which I still don't understand! I've worked so hard the last 4 years and its still low!) my finance options were limited. The rate is not the greatest and there is a loan fee that is ludicrus, but even if I don't pay it off early, I'll still be paying much less than having a US surgery I'm thinking of it like a car loan....besides I'm going to save money every month on food and not buying cigarettes! I haven't quit smoking yet. August 1st is the day.... I'm down another pound. Could be more, but my scale is screwy so I'm being conservative. I know the Atkins induction doesn't include fruit, but my DH stopped at the produce stand and got fresh peaches - I had one for breakfast. There is nothing like the taste of that juicy fruit as it drips down your chin - it was so refreshing.... Walked again last night - 1.25 miles at about 3 MPH. Slow I know, but I don't have anyone to impress. I just want to build on a regime I know I'll stick to and keep progressing.

July 27, 2006

2

Costco and other adventures

The family and I went to Costco last night to get a few things we need for the party on the 26th (wedding reception/BBQ). I can't eat at this shindig, but I knew that when we were planning it. Either way, the trip to Costco was hard - so many goodies - pastries, etc. I will say having a list and not being able to indulge in those goodies meant that we left there with a cart costing only $129.00 - instead of the usuall $500! SEE - my band is already paying for itself!! Anyway, I don't know if its because I over did it or because I slowly drank an entire Atkins shake yesterday, but by the time we left there I felt so sick to my tummy. The drive home was horrible and I layed down in bed and didn't move till this morning. I'm pretty sure I'm dehydrated on top of everything else. I'm swearing off food (If you can call it that) and sticking to water today. I'm going to try to drink 2 bottles of water instead of the 1 I was able to get down yesterday. For excersice I'm sure the hour walking around in Costco counts for something! It occurs to me that another topic no one really talks about is SEX after the band. I made sure that DH and I had a go-round the night before surgery, but a week later and he is really feeling the pressure. I'm in no mood to even entertain "other options" at this point and the poor man will have to wait a while before we get it on again....I think that is something couples should talk about before hand so everyone knows what to expect.

August 23, 2006

2

Scissors, New YEars, and Bras

We'll this has to be a first. I've lost weight over the holidays. Just when I'd given up all hope - I got on the scale two days ago and had to check it twice. It was the first time I'd seen the scale move that much at one time. I'm down to 220 for a total loss of 35#. I'm not sure where that last bit came off of - but I'm thinking my thighs and arms are letting go of some of the fat now. Randy had a bad accident with a pair of scissors (its on my blog) yesterday. I'm glad he's ok. Makes you realize that in just a split second something serious can happen. For insurance I wish he would have done that on the 31st instead!! I have one of the accounts that covers XX dollars before you have to pay out of pocket. I pb or slime almost daily and I'm not happy about that. But then take new years eve - we had dinner with the neighbors (new situation, worried about what was going to happen and how I'd tolerate food) and everything was smooth - no incidents. Weird. For sure I know I CAN NOT eat bread. Crackers sometimes but bread always always is a problem. Only about 3 people at work - make that 4 know I've had surgery. That means its a matter of time before everyone knows. I was going to keep it a secret at this new job but I just feel sometimes I need to explain myself - why the heck I'm eating so slowly or something. All my bras are too big...I have to say that is the first time I've ever had that problem! I haven't got new ones yet - cause those puppies aren't cheap ya know! I'll wait a little more.

January 2, 2007

2

Day 9 - birthday

My girlfriend turned 34 yesterday and invited my DH and I out. We went. It was a nice time, however everyone kept saying how worried they are about me going to Mexico for surgery. It's frustrating when people don't know anything about a subject and still have an opinion on it....Her BF put his arm around me and said "You know it all comes down to diet and excercise" No kidding?! I'm glad he told me - and to think I thought you could lose weight magically....

July 29, 2006

1

Day 12 - Butting out

It's August 1. This is the day I said I would quit smoking. I was going to like 2 weeks ago, but changed my mind. I hafta quit no matter what, but it is like 2 days before the Dr. said...I figured the 1st was an easy day to keep track of....So I'm smoke free. Taking it one minute at a time. I still haven't lost any more weight - other than the 6 lbs. That worries me - in an off handed way. I want to lose at least the 10 the DR. said to - and any more would be "cherries on top". I'm following the Atkins diet, but I think I'm munching more than I should - its that whole "this will be the last I'm going to have in a while". So even though I am staying low carb, I'm eating too often. To solve that, I'm at work with 2 Atkins shakes - its almost 2:00 and I'm not hungry and I don't have a headache, so that is a good sign. Didn't walk yesterday, but did do 1/2 mile the day before. Flat at 3.0 MPH. I was in a hurry, so didn't do the mile. I'm still trying to figure out what - other than SF Jello and broth - qualifies as clear liquid, but I guess the Nutritionist will let me know for sure.... 10:00 p.m. Update so I keep track. I walked just over 1.25 miles at an average of 3 MPH. I added an incline the last quarter mile, but only 1%. Walked for ALMOST 30 mins including warm up and cool down. Also pure honesty and accountability, I came home and ended up having 2 and a half cigarettes. Shit! I have this 2 day buffer, but I really wish DH didn't smoke - if they weren't here, I wouldn't have cheated!

August 1, 2006

1

Day 13 - I can hear myself

Take away the vice - food, cigarettes - and listen to my body, observe my body and the cravings and moment when my body says "gimme!!" Driving to work - there were at least 3 times when my body screamed "it's time to smoke. let me smoke". But rather than giving in to that subconsious scream, I stopped and thought about it, thought about what I was doing - driving, breathing - and realize that smoking has nothing to do with it, its not neccessary or productive. Besides that, I have to quit for surgery. Yesterday -since I took my diet more seriously - when my body would scream for food and I'd say no, it would immediatly scream for a cigarette. Very interesting.....Funny how I can "hear" my body now that I've taken away the distractions. I'm down to 248! Total of 7 lbs. I'd like to lose 12 before surgery on the 16th. I think I can....I think I can....

August 2, 2006

1

Another fill

According to the Dr scale I have lost 40 lbs total - in just over 7 months it feels a little disapointing - on the other hand only 15 lbs to go to one-derland! so what am I bitching about. I guess I just thought it would come faster - however I haven't seen the scale steadily decline like this in a very very long time - if ever really. Went to NW Fills in Arlington today (www.northwestfills.com) and got another fill. I'm now at 1.9CC. Feels pretty tight but I'm more careful about eating now - making sure I get my protien in. Just wanted to check in. I'll post pictures soon. Had a wonderful trip to Hawaii in Feb. with the family. Incredible!

April 10, 2007

1

lost more than 10 inches

My DH did my measurements yesterday. I'm only measuring my left side and already have lost 10 inches!! over 2 on my chest, an inch on my arms - I lost everwhere but my thigh - calf, hips, chest, upper arm, waist! I'm down to 233 lbs from 255. 22lbs!! I'm wearing a shirt today I couldn't wear last week cause the sleeves were too tight. I realize my weight loss will slow in the coming weeks as I begin to eat more and before my first fill, but this loss is sure thrilling. I've moved out of pain into nasuea. I have been "eating" mushies. I get a very sick feeling about 2 hours after I eat. I don't know what that is - I can't wait for it to go away though!! Soft boiled eggs with salt and pepper are my new favorite. We had our wedding reception on Sat. the 26th. With about 45 guest and a spread of food to die for. Everyone told me it was great. I told my DH we would have to do it again when I can EAT! I haven't been on the treadmill. I have been walking more throughout the day however - the mall for back to school clothes yesterday. Shopping for my 5'9" 121lbs daughter I thought - I wonder when I'll be able to shop in these stores!? My incisions are healing and my swelling has gone down a lot. My belly isn't as huge as it was! I'm going to take pictures today or tomorrow and post them. I also was able to have sex for the first time 3 nights ago. I told DH - "Make it quick! and if it hurts you have to stop!" However, it went fine. There was no pain - just a wierd feeling in my tummy when I was tense. I realize this is too much information, but I'm sharing the "unmentionable stuff" to help if others have questions about it.

August 29, 2006

1

Food -

I have very cautiously begun eating soft, moist regular food. Chili, mashed potatos with gravy, baked chicken thigh with gravy are some examples. The hardest part I'm having is this chewing - I'm doing it just fine, but I find it affects the way I TASTE the food - I'm so concentrated on chewing that the food touches my teeth, not my tounge. I wonder if this will always be the case?? The good news is with the added food (still staying around 500-700 calories a day with these portions) my bowels are working more normally now. There is something reasuring about that.... I am feeling much better each day. The nasuea (I can't spell that word) I discovered is really just all gas - the GasX wasn't working before I think becuase I was still swollen inside, but its helping now. I must have belched about 4 times at dinner last night. My kids were so proud of me! "That's great Mom! Do you feel better?" Without that gas, the sick to my stomach feeling goes away or subsides at least. I found that a cup of tea at night is a great way to get more fluids in - it tastes good and feels good going down.

August 31, 2006

1

Sore as hell

I walked last night, but it was interrupted my a fit from my son (Long story) and then I got back on the treadmill to continue - did another .5 miles for a total of 1 mile (I think) but then I was so distracted, I didn't stretch. I'm feeling that today!!! Dang, I didn't realize how much that helps the next day. Drank a bunch of water to keep from munching or "thinking" I was hungry - pee'd every 10 minutes - maybe not every 10 minutes, but 5 times during one movie with DH. My period is due to start any day now - I could tell from the cramps this morning. GREAT - just what I need - I'll be on my period for the surgery.... Excited, nervous, and worried about this being the right decision...I'd like to think that 2nd thoughts are common. I went to be last night repeating in my head all the wonderful things people have said post op - I will do this and I will feel great about it. That just doesn't stop me from being a little worried...

August 10, 2006

1

My shrinking butt

I am seeing parts of my butt I haven't seen in years! I'm thrilled that my butt and thighs are shrinking before my very eyes. I guess I must have carried most of my weight there because it seems to be the primary area I'm losing - or just the area I notice the most! Amazing how much better my pants are fitting! I walked again last night - 1.14 miles in 30 minutes. I'm taking it slow becuase I still don't feel comfortable walking faster than about 2.5 mph. I finally had the energy to clean my house - well, not the whole thing, but the living room and dining room area that had been driving me crazy. I'm able to eat more and I have been - I know this phase is temporary and am still trying to limit my calorie intake to under 1200 calories a day while still trying to get in the protien I know my body needs. Feels like a lot after the limited intake I was having right after surgery but then I realize I could never have done 1000 - 1200 calories a day before surgery. I know that with a fill I will be eating less but I'm still happy with my "shrinkage". I still have burpy gas occasionally but not nearly as bad as before. My incisions are healing and the sticky glue is slowly coming off my skin.

September 5, 2006

1

Another fill and high blood pressure

I had another idy bidy fill today - from 1.3 to 1.5. I figure taking it slow is ok. I also found out my high blood pressure is still high so my dr. switched me to a different medication: Altace 5 mg. Its the first time I've been on anything other than a water pill for high blood pressure. My BP problem was only diagnosed before my surgery - so about 7 and a half months ago. Its a little unsettling at my age (31) but I know with continued weight loss my health will continue to improve. I walked tonight - did 28 mins and 1.5 miles including warm up and cool down. After I did some butt excercises and stretches too. Hubby needs excersice with his newly crazy blood sugar levels so I'm sure that will motivate me as well. His being concious of his diet and excercise will help me focus too. At 6.5 months I thought I'd be lower in my weight than I am now with a 35lb weight loss - but its still better than I was. I know if I focus more, excersice it will continue to come off.

February 27, 2007

1

updated my signature and ticker

Not sure how this will show - but I'm pretty excited about being so close to onederland and wanted to share my updated ticker. It's been slower than I expected - but its still progress. I've reached the end of my "skinnier" clothes in my closet and will need to go shopping soon - wearing stuff too big doesn't feel right anymore! Photos will be posted soon. August 16, 2006 banded with Dr. Ortiz

April 16, 2007

1

No fill but losing again

I went in for a fill a week ago but it wasn't successful. The needle was too short, they could feel it and touch it with the tip of the needle, but not fill it. Something clicked though - cause I'm losing again. The total loss is 25 lbs now - still doesn't sound like much to me, but I was completely stalled for several weeks so I'm glad the scale is moving again! I started my new job - and I'm moving more - walking to the train - walking up and down stairs instead of taking the elevator - walking to the bank - even working out in the on site gym. (I haven't hit the gym regularly yet, but I've been there a few times to use the treadmill) Honestly - I looked at my a$$ in the mirror 2 days ago - and all-be-darned - its a shape I haven't seen in years!! I'm loosing that flap of belly roll down by my hoochie too! I still have a long way to go - but the visual changes are SO encouraging. I'm going to go back in for a fill after I lose about 5 more pounds. I've had a hard time lately with certain foods - breads especially - and some meat - like sausage - so I've cut back in those areas and been reminded to eat slowly, chew carefully. It's easy to forget otherwise!!

October 30, 2006

1

Day 3 - my purple bikini

Its early today but I want to write anyway- its hot - really hot for my area - yesterday 94 (we are usually 74 this time of year). I put on my bright purple bikini and went for a swim in the 4 foot pool (the above ground pool for my kids). Since I was at home and no one could see me, I didn't have a problem wearing that suit - but I did think - It won't be long and I might actually ENJOY wearing a bathing suit. Whoohoo. Switched to an Atkins shake for breakfast instead of a scrambled egg - well ok - 2 scrambled eggs. I think the shake is better for me. I'm doing ok - acutally always did on Atkins because its not calorie restriction, just carb restriction and I can usually handle that for a while. With less than 4 weeks to surgery, I think I'll be fine. I know I shouldn't but I weighed this morning - my scale is screwy - one of those that you can set to 0, weigh, and step off and suddenly its no longer at 0 - so I never get reliable results. Either way, I don't think I've lost any yet. I feel confident I'll be able to drop the 12 lbs before surgery though. I've made an effort to drink more water - with the heat its even more important and I know it will help with the weight loss.

July 22, 2006

1

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