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About this blog

Finding myself for the first time

Entries in this blog

 

Yessss!

Ok. so everyone around me is giving me that "I'm so sorry" bit, but truthfully I'm fine with the fact that breads are giving me grief! I can't eat much these days and I've experienced my first PBs. In spite of that - this is what I've signed up for! Not being able to eat much plus the stuff that is really bad for weight loss - HELLO - I can't eat it!! Whoohooo is what I say! I'm so thankful I got my first fill. I wanted to be sure I got that fill BEFORE the holidays and I did!
LittleBird

LittleBird

2
 

Whew

Thank goodness the journals are back....I can rest better at night now. I'll write more later, just wanted to check in with the LBT world again.
LittleBird

LittleBird

2
 

Water...

Water. I know I'm not drinking enough of it. My pee is too dark. I don't know how I'm going to get all I need in right now. I'm trying, but the gas pain when I drink anything is unbearable and I can't drink when I'm in that pain. I did have the mother of all burps last night - GOD it was better than SEX and I do seem to feel better today; but I haven't tried anything but water this morning.   My tummy is still very tender. Liquid Tylenol helps (and it tastes great too...mmmm cherry!) I started my period on top of everything else...dang that is the one thing I haven't heard mentioned in any of the books I've been reading...."Your period and healing from WLS" Nope, not in any of the books....   I did finally have a small BM this morning. Dang that felt good too. Just a mental relief more than anything. Yesterday I started drinkig an Atkins shake and I am still working on it this morning. I feel I need protein and I know I'm not getting it right now. I'm probably worried for no reason. It's only been 6 days...   I'm planning on returning to work tomorrow. Not excited about it, but I have to make some money!!
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

updated my signature and ticker

Not sure how this will show - but I'm pretty excited about being so close to onederland and wanted to share my updated ticker. It's been slower than I expected - but its still progress. I've reached the end of my "skinnier" clothes in my closet and will need to go shopping soon - wearing stuff too big doesn't feel right anymore! Photos will be posted soon.   August 16, 2006 banded with Dr. Ortiz  
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

Took a SLOOOW walk

Hopped gingerly on the treadmill tonight. I walked ALMOST a half mile in 18 minutes. Not pushing it, just getting back in the "saddle" so to speak and trying to get rid of the gas. It didn't work.   I had another small BM today. I know no one wants to hear that, but I'm just trying to keep a record. I ventured outside of the clear liquid paramaters since it's day 6 and it's allowed.   I'm going to keep a food log with my journal.   For breakfast I had about 3 ounces of Atkins Shake. Mid morning I had the very runny yolk of a soft boiled egg. Lunch time I had about 2 ounces of very thin cream of wheat with butter and splenda. Dinner I had about 3 ounces of blended split pea soup watered down.   I drank about 20 ounces of water today but it was hard. That's more than I have been and my pee is more light but I know it's still not enough. Each time I put anything into my mouth I get pressure and painful gas. I just can't burp for some reason. I'm walking....I hope it will pass soon.
LittleBird

LittleBird

2
 

This is me...

For my journal readers here is a bit more about me:   I am 31 and the mother of two children - my daughter is 14 years old and my son is 10. I'm newly married *3rd and last time!* to a man who is 18 years my senior. I was first married at 16 - to my DD father - divorced by 19 and remarried at 22. That one didn't work after 7 years of marriage. I'm married again - more secure now, more mature, more sure of myself. The kids have had a hard time adjusting to the change...   I have a day job and also own my own online company. (www.providerwatch.com and www.findadaycare.com) I enjoy living in Western Washington for the weather, the green, and the fact I can get in the car and drive somewhere. NOT like when I lived in Anchorage, Alaska!   I write - poetry mostly. I love music - listening to it cause I don't have a musical bone in my body. I love to read - anything from fiction to interesting non fiction. I think I'm more serious than I should be....   From the thread "Why are you Fat?" My weight gain began about 9 years ago - it was a slow process that began with excessive drinking - high calorie drinks -depression...I gained about 30 pounds those first few years, lost some and have steadily increased reaching my all time high - currently 255. I quit drinking a year ago - eat more to replace it - and have worked at a desk job for 3 years. That combined with no physical activity.   I ENJOY food, its emotional for me. When I cook and enjoy a good meal, it feels good deep down. But this good feeling is followed by guilt and remorse. When I feel full - I feel guilty.   I think about being fat from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed at night and sometimes in my sleep. The bottom line is I overeat, food is emotional satisfaction, and I sit on my a$$ at work all day.
LittleBird

LittleBird

3
 

Sore as hell

I walked last night, but it was interrupted my a fit from my son (Long story) and then I got back on the treadmill to continue - did another .5 miles for a total of 1 mile (I think) but then I was so distracted, I didn't stretch. I'm feeling that today!!! Dang, I didn't realize how much that helps the next day.   Drank a bunch of water to keep from munching or "thinking" I was hungry - pee'd every 10 minutes - maybe not every 10 minutes, but 5 times during one movie with DH.   My period is due to start any day now - I could tell from the cramps this morning. GREAT - just what I need - I'll be on my period for the surgery....   Excited, nervous, and worried about this being the right decision...I'd like to think that 2nd thoughts are common. I went to be last night repeating in my head all the wonderful things people have said post op - I will do this and I will feel great about it. That just doesn't stop me from being a little worried...
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

Sharing my firelight pic

Before surgery my friend came over and we took some pics by the fire. This is my favorite and I thought I would share! I couldn't post it before the trip!  
LittleBird

LittleBird

5
 

Scissors, New YEars, and Bras

We'll this has to be a first. I've lost weight over the holidays. Just when I'd given up all hope - I got on the scale two days ago and had to check it twice. It was the first time I'd seen the scale move that much at one time. I'm down to 220 for a total loss of 35#. I'm not sure where that last bit came off of - but I'm thinking my thighs and arms are letting go of some of the fat now.   Randy had a bad accident with a pair of scissors (its on my blog) yesterday. I'm glad he's ok. Makes you realize that in just a split second something serious can happen. For insurance I wish he would have done that on the 31st instead!! I have one of the accounts that covers XX dollars before you have to pay out of pocket.   I pb or slime almost daily and I'm not happy about that. But then take new years eve - we had dinner with the neighbors (new situation, worried about what was going to happen and how I'd tolerate food) and everything was smooth - no incidents. Weird. For sure I know I CAN NOT eat bread. Crackers sometimes but bread always always is a problem. Only about 3 people at work - make that 4 know I've had surgery. That means its a matter of time before everyone knows. I was going to keep it a secret at this new job but I just feel sometimes I need to explain myself - why the heck I'm eating so slowly or something.   All my bras are too big...I have to say that is the first time I've ever had that problem! I haven't got new ones yet - cause those puppies aren't cheap ya know! I'll wait a little more.
LittleBird

LittleBird

2
 

Regret, shame

Damn, damn, damn. I completely overate last night. I had a bunch of food I shouldn't have eaten - I'm talking Doritos with salsa and sourcream. I tell my husband not to buy those kind of snacks - we usually NEVER have junk-snacky-food in the house - THIS is exactly why. I sometimes lose control and am just like "I WANT THAT" and I eat, eat, eat.   I feel shame, guilt. I want my fill to be successful - not to say "the fill will fix me" but just to give me that greater restriction and keep me full longer. Lately I've been ravenous - even after eating. An hour or two later, I'm very hungry.
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

One Week - Late Night Eating

I walked 1 mile in 20 mins (3 mph average, but with some bursts of speed up to 5 mph!!) last night. Then added 6 more minutes...That's the good news.   Only one more week till surgery!   The bad news is since I faithfully gave up smoking (I'm doing GREAT with it now!) I've been eating at night. It's like I'm asleep, but not all the way - I get up, I eat - and not stuff I'm supposed to be eating!! Crap, like the leftover pizza last night (one piece of that last night) - or the chips (which I HATE having in the house anyway) left over from our BBQ, or a handful of chocolate chips - just the chips, no cookie...It's like an obsession. I do great all day - then at night it all goes out the window....   It's gotten worse these last few days and I feel horrible about it. WHAT DO I DO? I'm afraid its fucked up my (sorry about the language, but hey its my journal!) weight loss before surgery. I might be over reacting but I still feel bad.   Quit drinking, quit eating, quit smoking - all my vices are gone and I feel like I'm trying to hold on to one of those slippery water toys - the water worm? I try to hold on, but it slips out of my hand - *sigh* Can I do this? How do I REPLACE my vices with something good for me??
LittleBird

LittleBird

3
 

OMG - this stuff tastes like shit!

Ok so with 7 days left - even thought the Nutritionist said I don't have to - I figured I would go with the shake, shake, greens with balsalmic vinegar diet. I just got back from the store - got my "greens" and balsalmic vinegar and have sat down to eat it - YUK! Must be the greens because I acutally like vinegar dressing....Next time I'll go with iceburg lettuce. If I don't puke I'll be doing good...
LittleBird

LittleBird

2
 

No fill but losing again

I went in for a fill a week ago but it wasn't successful. The needle was too short, they could feel it and touch it with the tip of the needle, but not fill it. Something clicked though - cause I'm losing again. The total loss is 25 lbs now - still doesn't sound like much to me, but I was completely stalled for several weeks so I'm glad the scale is moving again!   I started my new job - and I'm moving more - walking to the train - walking up and down stairs instead of taking the elevator - walking to the bank - even working out in the on site gym. (I haven't hit the gym regularly yet, but I've been there a few times to use the treadmill)   Honestly - I looked at my a$$ in the mirror 2 days ago - and all-be-darned - its a shape I haven't seen in years!! I'm loosing that flap of belly roll down by my hoochie too! I still have a long way to go - but the visual changes are SO encouraging. I'm going to go back in for a fill after I lose about 5 more pounds.   I've had a hard time lately with certain foods - breads especially - and some meat - like sausage - so I've cut back in those areas and been reminded to eat slowly, chew carefully. It's easy to forget otherwise!!
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

My shrinking butt

I am seeing parts of my butt I haven't seen in years! I'm thrilled that my butt and thighs are shrinking before my very eyes. I guess I must have carried most of my weight there because it seems to be the primary area I'm losing - or just the area I notice the most! Amazing how much better my pants are fitting!   I walked again last night - 1.14 miles in 30 minutes. I'm taking it slow becuase I still don't feel comfortable walking faster than about 2.5 mph. I finally had the energy to clean my house - well, not the whole thing, but the living room and dining room area that had been driving me crazy.   I'm able to eat more and I have been - I know this phase is temporary and am still trying to limit my calorie intake to under 1200 calories a day while still trying to get in the protien I know my body needs. Feels like a lot after the limited intake I was having right after surgery but then I realize I could never have done 1000 - 1200 calories a day before surgery. I know that with a fill I will be eating less but I'm still happy with my "shrinkage".   I still have burpy gas occasionally but not nearly as bad as before. My incisions are healing and the sticky glue is slowly coming off my skin.
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

My progress

My weight loss has stopped - I haven't measured yet - in a few days I will, but since I'm all healed and I've been consuming more calories I've just been bouncing back and forth on a few pounds 233-236 (still better than 255!~).   I have been a little irresponsible with my food choices - not keeping as low carb as I should - not too bad, but obviously it's affecting my weight loss. My portions are larger than right after surgery (duh) but not nearly where they were pre-op. I think I'm just not going to be able to postpone a fill - I'll get it done in a week or so and start fresh from that point.   I've heard it said that the first 6 weeks is for healing and not to worry about weight loss during that time (rrriiiiiiiight!) so I am not beating myself up too bad.   I landed my dream job - and start on Monday - the place I'll be working has an on site gym. My plan is to work out at my lunch break. Whoohoo. I'm moving out of sales into account management - for auto dealerships with search engine marketing accounts. Great pay and benefits - my first "corporate-type" job. No weekends.
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

My hard work paid off!

I just got the call from the Nutitionist at my Dr. office. She asked me my current weight and starting weight. Since I've already lost 9 lbs she said I don't have to do the liquid diet for 7 days. She said just stick to a low calorie (1000 cals) diet and drop a few more pounds that way! :clap2:   That was great news for me as that was a daunting prospect for me - being only on liquids pre-band for 7 days!   WHOOHOOO!!!! She suggested a low fat breakfast like Special K and low fat milk, a shake at lunch and 250 cals for dinner. Hot damn. I'm thrilled.   Then she warned me - some people lie about their start weight and have problems. Not a big deal for me since I know I'm not making it up - I just thought it was interesting that someone might lie about it....
LittleBird

LittleBird

3
 

My first fill - 3 months post op

I got my first fill today. It was completely painless and so simple it was ridiculous. I think the last time I went when they "couldn't get it done" was because the lady was a "fill in" for the regular RN - because today was a snap.   They added 1.5 and then took out .2. When I drank some water the first time I was gurgly - so they took out the .2 and all was well. It will be interesting to see how food goes - and what changes I'll have to make now that I may experience some actual restriction.   Liquids today and mushies tomorrow. I guess after that back to real food.
LittleBird

LittleBird

2
 

My Dr. is an idiot

So, on the advice of a local RN who's been banded I called my PCP. (primary care physician) She was on vacation, but I left a message that told her I was having weight loss surgery and wondered if she had any preventative work ups she thought might be a good idea before heading over to have the surgery.   She didn't call me back. That pissed me off first.   I called the office and the receptionist "read to me" what the dr. had to say. "I won't do any blood work for you. Get the surgery in the USA."   That was it. What a bitch.   She could have called me at least to discuss things! Seriously, I'm angry. And this is my Dr????
LittleBird

LittleBird

4
 

Migranes

I realized something last night - I haven't had a migrane - or a headache for that matter- since this new Dr. put me on these pills to treat my high blood pressure! Holy cow. I was getting them 2-3 times a week (up from like 2 times a month). I don't know if there is a connection or not, but considering these new pills cost me .32 cents and the migrane meds cost $15 per dose (after insurance!!) I like the change!   I weighed this morning. I know I said I wasn't going to - but I did. It was 245 - NOT the 240 like the Dr. scale said last week. I'm sticking with that number for a few reasons - 1. it seems more realistic. 2. It still means I've lost the required 10 lbs preop. 3. I will lose more in the next few days and it will be "cherries on top". My GOAL was 240 before surgery, so I'll aim for that by Tuesday.   I will have to update my ticker though!
LittleBird

LittleBird

3
 

Mexico photos

I finally got my photos of the trip to Mexico for surgery uploaded so here are a few. I should have been more "reporter" like about it for newbies considering the trip - but I went more "touristy" instead...I didn't want to haul my expensive camera down there with me, so these are just so-so pics...     Hubby and I the day after surgery in the courtyard of the hotel.   These workers to it the old fashioned way...this was a hotel down the road being worked on.       The view outside our hotel window - the "frogger" course!   The hillside outside the hotel patio. Up close these houses leave a LOT to be desired. I would have loved to see the "real" TJ rather than just the touristy section of town.   You see these delivery bikes everywhere. I guess they can manuver through the crazy traffic faster than a car!     The bathroom in our room. These guys at Hotel Lucerne are great - they leave a fuit basket every day - not good for me but my husband enjoyed it.   The room - I think they do double beds for Dr. Ortiz's patients cause everyone else had one too. DH was relaxing upon our arrival.     The hotel has a great pool - very large with a walking bridge over the two sections. I was able to enjoy a swim the day we arrived. This is the day after surgery.     Saved the best for last - my incisions the day after surgery. Lots of sticky iodine everywhere - still washing that sticky stuff of my belly!!
LittleBird

LittleBird

3
 

lost more than 10 inches

My DH did my measurements yesterday. I'm only measuring my left side and already have lost 10 inches!! over 2 on my chest, an inch on my arms - I lost everwhere but my thigh - calf, hips, chest, upper arm, waist! I'm down to 233 lbs from 255. 22lbs!! I'm wearing a shirt today I couldn't wear last week cause the sleeves were too tight. I realize my weight loss will slow in the coming weeks as I begin to eat more and before my first fill, but this loss is sure thrilling.   I've moved out of pain into nasuea. I have been "eating" mushies. I get a very sick feeling about 2 hours after I eat. I don't know what that is - I can't wait for it to go away though!! Soft boiled eggs with salt and pepper are my new favorite.   We had our wedding reception on Sat. the 26th. With about 45 guest and a spread of food to die for. Everyone told me it was great. I told my DH we would have to do it again when I can EAT!   I haven't been on the treadmill. I have been walking more throughout the day however - the mall for back to school clothes yesterday. Shopping for my 5'9" 121lbs daughter I thought - I wonder when I'll be able to shop in these stores!?   My incisions are healing and my swelling has gone down a lot. My belly isn't as huge as it was! I'm going to take pictures today or tomorrow and post them.   I also was able to have sex for the first time 3 nights ago. I told DH - "Make it quick! and if it hurts you have to stop!" However, it went fine. There was no pain - just a wierd feeling in my tummy when I was tense. I realize this is too much information, but I'm sharing the "unmentionable stuff" to help if others have questions about it.
LittleBird

LittleBird

1
 

I'm still alive

Between hubby having a sleep test, an intensive job interview and the kids back in school ( I am the mom of a new Freshman - yikes!) I have been distracted to say the least!   Approaching the one month mark - feeling good, getting compliments (hey, you're really losing weight!)   I gave my Drivers License to a lady at the mall (had to buy new pants - they were 14/16 not 18/20!!) and she said "Wow, you look different" Pretty amazing considering its more inches than weight at this point. I still haven't budged from the 233 mark, but I continue to FEEL slimmer in my body.
LittleBird

LittleBird

3
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